- 2 years ago
Eddie | The Dog Walk
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00:00 All right, today is Wednesday, November 15th.
00:02 Welcome to the dog walk presented by Barstool Sports.
00:05 I don't give a fuck how you guys are,
00:06 so I'm not gonna ask.
00:07 - Appreciate it.
00:09 - No problem.
00:10 But here we are.
00:11 - I don't talk about my feelings,
00:12 'cause I'm a real man, so I wouldn't tell you
00:14 the truth even if you asked.
00:15 - Yeah, that's true.
00:16 - Just give it a, it is what it is, and move on.
00:19 - Yeah, actually, funny you should bring that up.
00:22 Funny you should bring that up.
00:24 - Bring what up?
00:25 - Like, talking about, I mean obviously you're referencing
00:29 the draft on Monday, and we talked about feelings
00:33 and suppressing them, and that's a manly thing to do,
00:37 I guess, but what about the people who not only say
00:42 what's on their mind, but overshare?
00:46 That's always interesting, 'cause I have a vivid memory
00:50 that my friends and I have from college
00:52 that is not good because of the story that it tells,
00:56 but it's like objectively funny.
00:59 - Okay.
01:00 - And I'm gonna tell you before I tell you about Roeback.
01:02 - Ooh, cliffhanger.
01:03 - How about that?
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01:11 - You have 48 hours.
01:12 - Yes, like it's jogger season, you need these joggers.
01:15 - It's crewneck season, too.
01:16 - It's crewneck season.
01:17 - We've had great crewneck weather this week, too.
01:19 - Yes, it's hoodie season.
01:21 - It's Roeback season.
01:22 - Yes, it's Roeback season, especially when you're going
01:24 to a bar and you don't wanna bring your jacket,
01:27 Roeback hoodie would be perfect.
01:30 - You don't even gotta take it off, you look nice with it on.
01:31 - You could wear it to Thanksgiving dinner
01:33 and no one would say anything because that is,
01:35 my family doesn't really dress up for Thanksgiving,
01:37 but even if you are one of those,
01:39 it looks nice enough for that, too.
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01:43 - Yeah, if a random turkey bowl breaks out,
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01:46 - You're still ready, good point.
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02:00 It's now holiday season, so don't be late this year
02:03 and be sure to check them out at roeback.com.
02:06 It's that simple.
02:07 So, that reminded me, bring up dogs after I tell a story.
02:12 'Cause we have a dog situation in the office tomorrow.
02:15 - We do.
02:15 - So there was this bouncer, his name was Donny,
02:21 at the local college bar, and we saw him
02:23 in the grocery store one day, which is like one
02:25 of those things where you see, not like the teacher
02:28 out of class, but kind of, 'cause you're only used
02:30 to seeing this guy at the bar, right?
02:31 - Right.
02:32 - And we saw him at the grocery store,
02:33 he was buying kitty litter for his cat,
02:34 which that's a whole 'nother thing.
02:37 - I don't know if a bouncer could be a cat guy, but go on.
02:39 - He is a cat guy, confirmed.
02:41 And we're like, oh, what's up, man, how are you, Donny?
02:44 Like, he's like, ah, not great.
02:48 Sister's boyfriend's beating the fuck out of her again.
02:50 And we're like, whoa, like, objectively not funny,
02:54 very serious, but like--
02:57 - What can you say to that?
02:58 - How do you expect someone to react to that?
03:00 - I mean, you have no choice, you gotta form a posse.
03:03 That's what he's doing, he's telling people
03:05 until someone says, yes, I will join that posse,
03:07 go get this guy.
03:08 - Yeah, let's go.
03:09 - That's fucked up.
03:10 - And he's a bouncer, so you're not gonna be asking us
03:11 to rough him up, like, you're the guy who roughs people up.
03:13 - Yeah, what does he want me to say,
03:15 like, I got my crossbow in the car,
03:16 let me know if you need me?
03:17 - Yeah, basically.
03:19 - And I think there's a difference oversharing
03:20 if it's like sad versus mad, you know?
03:23 I think you can overshare, mad is just going on a rant,
03:26 but sad is like, oh, like the violin's playing,
03:28 you feel the need to console a guy,
03:31 that's when it gets a little, what'd you do?
03:35 - We're just like, oh.
03:36 - Stopping in your tracks.
03:38 - Yeah, like, stunned, obviously, like, oh, shit.
03:40 - Didn't even know you had a sister.
03:43 - Yeah.
03:44 - Let's start there.
03:45 - Sorry to hear that.
03:46 - Wow.
03:47 - You know, not like I knew the guy who her boyfriend was,
03:51 like, there was nothing that would have involved me
03:54 in that situation.
03:55 And thankfully, I have no advice to offer
04:00 from my personal life.
04:02 - If you're Donnie the Bouncer, you just say,
04:04 live in the dream one nightmare at a time
04:06 and keep it moving with your kitty litter to the car.
04:07 - Yeah, like, I'm basically saying people who are like,
04:10 oh, how you doing, yeah, all right, not bad.
04:12 - 'Cause now you kind of have a guilty conscience
04:14 for no reason.
04:14 - Yes, exactly.
04:15 - You've been carrying that with you for 10 years.
04:17 - Yeah, we don't, we still talk about it once in a while,
04:19 it's like, there's like three of us there.
04:21 - Now, if you were to see him, say a couple months later,
04:25 would you feel uncomfortable being like,
04:26 how's your sister doing?
04:28 - I mean, I'll never see him again.
04:29 - But like, 'cause you're almost inclined to ask, you know?
04:33 That's the last thing you talked about,
04:34 be like, hey, like, how's the situation?
04:37 - Yeah, yeah.
04:38 - You're rude if you don't ask.
04:40 - But yeah, I guess, I guess, I guess you're right.
04:43 I can't ask how his cat is, his cat's surely dead by now.
04:47 - Well, you never know if the cat's--
04:48 - The cat's a little long time.
04:48 - Yeah, the cat's a little long time.
04:49 - Yeah. - That's true.
04:51 But it was, it was just jarring.
04:53 Like, I think you could share like little anecdotes
04:56 if things go down.
04:57 Like, if you spilled your coffee all over you in your car,
05:00 like that's like--
05:01 - Sure. - Yeah.
05:01 - If my sister's getting beat up,
05:03 that's like, I'm only telling my best friends.
05:05 - It can't be anything where the police
05:06 or doctors are involved.
05:07 - Yeah, like, I don't know what you want me to do.
05:08 - Where I might be sitting in court with you.
05:10 - Yeah, I don't know what he wanted like, us to say.
05:14 But yeah, like now it's like,
05:16 it's become a drop for my friends and I.
05:18 It's like, ah, how you doing?
05:19 I was like, yeah, not great.
05:20 (laughing)
05:21 I mean, it's like, well, not funny, but funny.
05:26 - Yeah. - Right.
05:27 You're-- - Not funny, ha ha.
05:29 - Yes, but like, whoa.
05:31 - Yeah, shocking.
05:33 - Yeah. - I think we've talked
05:34 about it before.
05:35 The answer to how are you doing should always be good,
05:37 but it just depends on the tone you take.
05:39 Like, good, good, it means you're doing awful.
05:42 Or like, good, it's like, oh, you're really depressed,
05:44 I won't ask anymore.
05:45 But if you give a confident, good, I'm good,
05:47 then you're actually good.
05:49 - Yeah.
05:49 I think that the real tell is if someone does like a exhale
05:53 or a deep breath before they answer,
05:55 be like, (exhaling) I'm good.
05:57 (laughing)
05:58 Like you know they're, oh, that guy's going
05:59 through some shit.
06:00 - The higher pitch, the more depressed you are.
06:02 Good, good. - Yeah.
06:03 - Like, oh, this guy's got problems at home.
06:06 - Yeah, or-- - It's like
06:07 that old Seinfeld, it's like you can tell
06:08 how the relationship's going by how high up on his face,
06:13 like how high on your face you touch,
06:14 like, how's your relationship?
06:15 Ah, it's good.
06:16 - Yeah.
06:17 - How's your relationship?
06:18 Oh, I gotta get out of here.
06:19 - Yeah. - Like, how's it be?
06:20 - Or scratching the top of the head, good, good.
06:22 - Yeah.
06:23 - I'll even accept little rants too.
06:26 Like that shit's funny.
06:27 Like if I was like, hey, how you doing?
06:28 It's like, can I bring this up?
06:31 And it's like the fucking, the stop at hand,
06:34 and the hand, when they don't have the hand blinking,
06:35 and they don't have the numbers,
06:36 you know, just like little shit that's like--
06:38 - Yeah, right. - Rants about society.
06:39 - Like last week when I was coming back from Jackson Park,
06:42 and I was stuck on Hubbard, which is one block
06:44 from our office, and I just got caught in the protest.
06:47 It took me a half hour to get here.
06:48 - Yes.
06:49 - That's like, you can complain about that.
06:51 It put me in a genuine bad mood,
06:53 kind of ruined my day, I'll tell you that.
06:55 But if I have something going on with like a family member,
06:57 I'm not telling you shit.
06:58 - Yeah, I think if you go on a mini rant,
06:59 like if someone asks about your relationship or whatever,
07:01 you're doing better if you,
07:04 you show that you're doing better if you go on a mini rant
07:06 as opposed to be like, good.
07:07 - Yeah. - Yeah, exactly.
07:09 Exactly, 'cause you could like say like,
07:11 you know what, I'm not doing great, and here's why.
07:13 And it's stupid, and I rationalize,
07:15 I realize it's stupid, but--
07:17 - 'Cause you're in a way asking for advice,
07:19 but with the good, good, it's just like hopelessness.
07:21 - Yes, exactly. - Yeah.
07:23 - You mentioned cats before.
07:24 Let me ask if this is weird.
07:26 So I was getting food with a buddy like a couple months ago,
07:30 and we saw a stray cat, pretty normal.
07:32 I feel like the normal thing is a house cat always leaves
07:34 and like walks around the neighborhood.
07:35 - Yep. - And it had a collar
07:36 and everything, and my buddy randomly started
07:39 like panicking a little, because it was like,
07:41 it's probably like 11 at night, and he's like,
07:44 he's like, "Yo, my phone's dead, but like call the owner."
07:46 I was like, "Yo, no, like this is what cats do.
07:48 "It's pretty normal."
07:50 And he's like, "Come on, like this thing,
07:51 "it's late at night, we're in a,
07:53 "we were kind of by Humboldt Park, so he's like,
07:55 "come on, like I don't know, these are like pit bulls
07:56 "around here and shit."
07:57 I'm like, "Dude, like cats wander around all the time."
07:59 So I end up calling the owner just to like appease his mind.
08:02 The owner's like, "Yeah, that's fine.
08:04 "She always goes on walks."
08:06 - It's no shit. - Yeah.
08:07 Isn't it crazy for thinking like cats
08:09 aren't normally like stray?
08:11 - Yeah, that's stupid. - Especially with a collar.
08:13 - Yeah, I don't think, a cat walking around
08:16 should not fire any alarms.
08:18 Obviously, you need a dog, and a dog doesn't know
08:20 where it's going.
08:21 A dog will run right into traffic and not think twice.
08:23 - When I was growing up, I had six alley cats.
08:26 - That's absurd. - Six.
08:28 They would travel in a pack.
08:30 - I feel like over by where our office is now
08:32 on the west side, there's way more feral cats.
08:34 - Oh yeah. - When I lived over here,
08:35 there's feral cats all over the place.
08:37 And people would have like little,
08:39 like science in their yard, and be like,
08:41 "We're part of this feral cat program."
08:43 And they'd have like a little outdoor house for 'em.
08:46 - Oh, I don't like that. - Yeah.
08:48 - My neighbor, just to feed 'em,
08:49 there'd just be like five cats and other porks at all times.
08:51 - Well, you shouldn't do that.
08:52 Their job is to be hunting and eating rats.
08:55 Do you know, what's that stat?
08:56 They kill three billion birds a year.
08:58 Do you know that's that?
08:59 That house cats that kill three billion birds a year?
09:01 That's a fucking, it's like a massacre.
09:04 - It's rookie-- - You mean three billion--
09:05 - Bird genocide. - You mean three billion drones?
09:08 - Yeah. - Yeah, that's true.
09:09 - Some people think birds are drones.
09:11 No, that's crazy.
09:12 Let the cats be.
09:13 - I got gas lit in the call of the cat owner.
09:15 - Yeah, that's crazy.
09:17 If you don't see a lost cat poster
09:19 on like a telephone pole, there's no need.
09:21 - There's no such thing as a lost cat, I feel like.
09:24 - We took a cat in, in college.
09:26 Like one of the guys in the house, I should say.
09:29 It was like, he like clearly just wanted to fuck around.
09:31 He's like, "Yeah, here's a cat who's feeding a tuna."
09:33 - You want to be Don Corleone,
09:34 just have a cat on his armchair.
09:36 - Yeah, so we just had this one roaming around.
09:39 And like we didn't know what to do with it
09:41 when we left for like, so I just threw it
09:42 in one of my buddy's rooms and we came back from something.
09:45 Diarrhea all over his futon.
09:47 - Ugh. - Just, just massacre.
09:49 - They diarrhea like that?
09:51 They have such little shits.
09:52 - It was a murder scene.
09:53 He probably wasn't used to milk and tuna.
09:55 - Yeah. - Yeah.
09:56 - So that's why. - Yeah.
09:57 - He's too busy slurping up rat tails.
09:59 - Yeah, he was not, he was not fit for it.
10:01 - Yeah, but cats aren't lost, they decide to leave.
10:03 - Right. - Yeah.
10:04 - They're like, "We don't want to live with you anymore."
10:04 - And then we saw lost cat photos of the cat.
10:07 - Oh. - And we returned it.
10:08 - Oh. - There you go.
10:10 - Yeah, well I had nothing to do with it,
10:11 I shouldn't say that.
10:12 - They're just, they're like fucking teenagers.
10:13 Like just come home at dark, you know, when you get hungry.
10:17 - Pretty much. - They get to do
10:18 whatever they want all day.
10:19 They always have a place to stay and a bowl to eat out of.
10:22 - Pretty much.
10:23 Speaking of teenagers, we were just joined on the couch
10:26 by a social media guy here, Jake.
10:29 - 'Sup? - Jakey Mals.
10:30 - Yep. - Is that what you go by?
10:32 - We can workshop it.
10:33 - All right, so you--
10:34 - Czech national team lacrosse players.
10:36 - Yeah. - How he likes
10:37 to be introduced. - Olympian.
10:38 - Yeah, potential, but yeah.
10:40 - Good potential Olympian.
10:40 - Do people call you Mals?
10:42 - No, Mally, Max Delente loves to call me Mals.
10:44 - Oh, does he? - Yeah.
10:45 - That's what your Hinge bio says.
10:46 - Well, no, I'm not a Hinge guy, for sure.
10:49 - No? - Whoa, you said that
10:50 pretty-- - Tinder, whatever.
10:51 - I'm out on the dating apps.
10:52 - Oh, really? - Don't do that, don't do that.
10:53 - So what are you doing now,
10:54 you're just reading books at bars?
10:55 - I just don't talk to girls.
10:56 - He's going on Facebook Marketplace.
10:57 - Yeah. (laughs)
10:59 - Yeah, Facebook Marketplace,
10:59 people are trying to sell toast.
11:01 - I am interested in this couch.
11:02 - I'm staunchly anti-dating app.
11:04 - Why is that?
11:05 - I think it's bad for your brain.
11:07 - Huh, coming from a social media guy.
11:08 - I think catalog shopping for people
11:10 is very bad for your muscles.
11:12 - This guy's fucking deeper than I thought.
11:13 That's a UVA education coming through.
11:15 - I'm with you on that, Jake.
11:16 - It's very bad, I think it's a very detrimental thing
11:20 to society that people are doing that.
11:21 - Gen Z is gonna fix the world.
11:23 - How old are you? - 24.
11:24 - Yeah, Gen Z's fixing the world.
11:27 - It's also kind of embarrassing,
11:28 not to shade people, but it's kind of embarrassing
11:30 to be like, yeah, I met my wife on Tinder.
11:32 - People do it. - I know.
11:33 Love is love, but not for me.
11:35 - I agree with that, but why do you think it's detrimental?
11:37 Just you personally judging people like that?
11:40 - People, the olden way, I guess, of doing stuff
11:42 was you go out, you meet somebody random
11:44 or through friends or whatever,
11:45 and organically thing, and dating apps, in a sense,
11:48 are you're going into it with an immediate expectation
11:50 of romantic intentions, and at the same time,
11:54 if you meet somebody out at a bar
11:56 or through mutual friends, you always have
11:58 in the back of your mind, okay,
12:00 there's probably somebody better on my phone,
12:03 so I could kind of not go all in on this,
12:06 or I could, vice versa, like, oh, I went on a hinge date,
12:08 but this other, so there's a lot more option,
12:10 which I think is bad for people getting together
12:11 in the long run. - Yeah, but don't you think
12:13 you're, if you're asking somebody out on a date,
12:16 regardless of how you met them,
12:17 you have romantic intentions regardless?
12:19 - Well, yes, and I also don't think I go to the bar--
12:21 - This is hookup culture. - I don't think I go to the bar
12:23 with the intention of meeting somebody romantically.
12:27 I think it kind of happens or it doesn't happen,
12:29 but on hinge, your express purpose on that app
12:33 is to, whether it's long term or short term.
12:35 - I know, but let's say you go to the bar
12:37 and you organically meet somebody.
12:38 - Right. - You get their number,
12:39 it's like, hey, let's go out next Thursday.
12:41 - Yes, agreed, but that's more of like a,
12:43 like it randomly kind of happened versus,
12:45 and like you're, that to my brain
12:48 makes it seem more healthy.
12:50 - Would you say you're a romantic?
12:52 - Hopeless. - Eddie hates romantics.
12:54 Eddie hates romantics. - We got Jay Shetty over here.
12:56 - No one will give me a chance,
12:57 but I'm hopelessly romantic.
12:59 - No shit, you think it's bad, huh?
13:01 - Terrible. - Yeah.
13:03 - Someone hasn't been getting swipe rights.
13:06 - Yeah, no, I mean-- - His confidence is shot.
13:08 - Yeah, I know, it's fine.
13:09 I think my hinge app is broken too.
13:11 I haven't gotten any matches.
13:12 - It's also a scam.
13:13 Like they only put the hot people on the paid thing.
13:16 - Yeah, they put hot girls behind a paywall.
13:19 - Is that right? - Yeah, it's crazy.
13:19 - Like basically-- - Hinge is wild.
13:21 You can pay for like the roses,
13:23 which is like the five hot girls in your area are the roses.
13:27 And then you can pay for like the premium plan
13:30 and then you just get all hot people.
13:31 - If you're a hot person, do they tell you like,
13:33 "Hey, you're in our hot girl program."
13:35 'Cause that would be like the biggest confidence boost ever.
13:38 - The hot girls definitely get a lot of roses.
13:40 So then you definitely know if you're a hot girl.
13:43 - If you're getting all the roses.
13:43 - I don't think hot guys are getting roses a ton
13:46 'cause girls aren't really paying for dudes.
13:48 - Yeah, they shouldn't. - But I bet the hot girls
13:50 in Chicago-- - They shouldn't, right?
13:51 - They should not. - Yeah, I agree.
13:52 - But I think the hot girls in Chicago
13:55 are getting a lot of roses.
13:57 - Yeah, I was with a hot girl from Chicago
13:59 and she showed me, I mean, not romantically,
14:02 but just hanging out with her.
14:03 And she showed me like her roses section
14:05 and she had like 25.
14:06 - I'd like to see, did they get a cut of that or no?
14:09 - What do you mean a cut?
14:10 - They don't get a cut of the roses.
14:11 - No, you can't get a cut just for being hot.
14:13 - They're not giving money.
14:14 - The point of the rose is that it doesn't matter
14:16 if the girl matches with you or not,
14:17 they see what you said.
14:19 - Oh. - Hinges they could bumble
14:22 is like you both have to match in order for them to tell.
14:26 - Hinge, they can tell that you like them
14:28 without them liking you back.
14:29 - Right, and the rose is like,
14:31 it's like it doesn't matter whatever the girl wants,
14:33 like she's getting that notification.
14:35 - She's getting it right.
14:36 - Yeah. - No shit.
14:37 - You're in front of the line.
14:38 - So that girl, 25 like unsolicited,
14:40 these guys just paid money to throw a rose
14:42 because they obviously like what she looked like.
14:45 - Is it always money, Jake?
14:47 You would know. - Oh yeah.
14:48 - It is? - It's like $3 a rose.
14:50 It's insane. - Really?
14:50 - You don't know free roses?
14:52 - Well, I think you do.
14:52 I think it resets after a couple days.
14:54 - Oh, okay.
14:55 - And what's your philosophy?
14:56 Why didn't you like this, Harry?
14:57 - I wrote a 20 page thesis on this.
14:59 - Love that. - On a senior thesis.
15:01 - Holy fuck.
15:02 - All right, send it over, we'll put it on the blog.
15:04 - Yeah, no.
15:05 - Of why you think it's bad, Harry?
15:07 - What was your thesis statement?
15:08 - Oh, I mean, that was--
15:10 - Just like that dating apps are detrimental?
15:12 - It was for a media class, yeah.
15:14 - It's good for the economy.
15:16 I'd say places are more busy on Mondays through Thursdays.
15:19 - It's probably true.
15:20 - I'll say that. - Yeah.
15:22 - That's an argument?
15:23 - Yeah, I think it's good for the economy.
15:25 - Birth rates are going down
15:26 'cause people aren't meeting organically anymore.
15:27 - But I do think that's one of the problems
15:29 is I think people are just doing this and not really,
15:33 they're just throwing their glove on the field
15:34 on these dates.
15:35 It's like, eh, kinda like you said.
15:37 - Because there's an abundance of option.
15:38 - Yeah, and you're just like, eh.
15:39 - But isn't that always the case?
15:41 There's a hot girl at the next table over from you.
15:43 - Yeah, but also, you don't know
15:45 that they're gonna wanna talk to you.
15:47 On Hinge, you're like, okay,
15:48 I have an unlimited supply of women in my area.
15:50 - Yeah, these girls are all interested.
15:51 - With potential to talk to me
15:52 'cause they're on this app for the same reason.
15:54 - I suppose.
15:55 - And typically, you'll give a recommendation,
15:57 a recommended person, more attention, more of a chance.
16:01 - What do you mean?
16:02 - Like if someone was like, hey--
16:03 - Like a mutual friend?
16:03 - Yeah, someone's like, hey, chief,
16:04 I got this girl like, you know, like--
16:07 - See, I feel like I've never had that situation
16:10 be somebody that I would wanna date.
16:12 It's like I've never attracted to them.
16:14 - Okay.
16:15 - The setup kinda ruins everything too
16:16 'cause you have expectations going in
16:18 and it's almost like, it might be awkward depending on it.
16:21 - Guilt.
16:21 It's like, if this doesn't work out,
16:22 then I guess I'm not talking to that person ever again.
16:24 - And you don't know until it's too late.
16:25 - Right.
16:27 Yeah.
16:28 So I used to have my friend, Megan, from college.
16:30 She always used to, she was always,
16:32 when I was probably Jake's age and a little bit older,
16:34 always trying to set me up, always.
16:37 And she always had, I'm like, I don't want,
16:38 like, you have to stop this.
16:40 - Yeah, but 24, barely nothing works.
16:42 - Yeah, well--
16:43 - I can confirm.
16:44 - Yeah.
16:45 - That's-- - That's just a fact.
16:46 - That's the, that old statement from my mom.
16:48 I think I've told that story before.
16:49 Like, I came home, my older sister,
16:52 I was probably about, I think I was 24.
16:55 My sister was crying about some guy on the couch
16:57 around, like, Christmas and Thanksgiving.
16:59 And I was just sitting there, like,
17:00 listening to her and my mom.
17:02 And she's like, honey, like, you have to understand
17:04 that men are completely worthless until they're, like, 30.
17:08 And I'm like, I'm your son, I'm sitting right here.
17:12 And she goes, honey, I love you, but you are worthless.
17:14 (laughing)
17:15 And I'm like, oh, all right, I guess I'm worthless.
17:17 - You're worthless now, Jake.
17:18 - And she was right.
17:19 - Yep.
17:20 - Jake's a nice boy, though.
17:22 - Yeah.
17:23 - So meet him organically.
17:24 - So where you going, Jake, the supermarket?
17:27 - Well, I got a dog.
17:28 (laughing)
17:29 - That is, I hope that works.
17:30 - The dog park.
17:31 - Have you ever told the White Sox Dave story with my dog?
17:35 - Mm-mm.
17:35 - That I can't remember where I was, like,
17:37 out of town for, like, an afternoon or something.
17:39 My dog was, like, a puppy.
17:41 And Dave and I lived in the same neighborhood.
17:43 So Dave picked him up and walked him to the dog park.
17:45 And he, like, girls would run out of bars
17:48 when I was walking them up and down the street
17:50 to, like, pet them and, like, whatever.
17:53 So Dave met this girl on this, yeah, you know.
17:57 This girl walks up to Dave and was like,
17:59 oh my God, like, your dog is so cute.
18:01 Like, well, Dave lied and said the dog was his.
18:05 (laughing)
18:06 And then she, like, lived in my neighborhood.
18:09 So then every time I would see her,
18:11 I had to pretend that I was walking Dave's dog.
18:15 (laughing)
18:16 - Chief, I'm gonna need that dog.
18:18 (laughing)
18:19 - And you're probably like, dude,
18:20 don't you see how that's maybe not a problem,
18:23 but, like, don't you see how that's weird or annoying?
18:25 No, what do you mean?
18:26 Just tell her it's my dog.
18:27 - Yeah.
18:29 - No problem.
18:29 - Now she thinks you're his bitch,
18:31 just walking his dog for him every day.
18:32 - Why, you're bringing in all the,
18:33 the dog's bringing in a lot of attention?
18:35 - Is it from me or from people?
18:38 - For both.
18:39 - It's a puppy.
18:40 - So, I mean, we haven't really ventured outside
18:42 of, like, our little neighborhood quite yet.
18:44 - Okay.
18:45 - We're gonna kind of get our footing and then,
18:46 I might bring him in tomorrow,
18:47 'cause we have paws coming.
18:49 - Yeah.
18:49 - So I might actually--
18:50 - This is, like, Eddie's worst nightmare.
18:51 - I might come in tomorrow with him and then,
18:53 but no, I think I'm gonna start, you know,
18:54 taking him around town and seeing how that goes.
18:56 - Yeah, I think that'll work out well for you.
18:58 - Take him to the old Navy peer fair.
18:59 - He needs to grow the hair out a little bit.
19:00 He's got a bad haircut.
19:01 - Oh, does he?
19:02 - Yeah, they shaved him pretty bad at the shelter.
19:04 - Danny, any pointers?
19:05 - What would you say on,
19:08 do you always keep the name that the shelter gave them?
19:11 - No.
19:12 - No?
19:12 - George's name is Rooster.
19:13 - Well, how old was he when you got him?
19:15 - 13 weeks.
19:16 - Right, so my dog Osmo was two years.
19:18 - Osmo's a great name, too.
19:20 - He's named.
19:20 - Yeah.
19:21 - And I was like, he's responding to the name,
19:22 I can't change that.
19:23 - Yeah, yeah, no, that's fair.
19:24 - Yeah, point him over to--
19:25 - Cool name, too.
19:26 Osmo.
19:27 - Yeah, Osmo's a good name.
19:28 - You know, so.
19:29 - Call him O, ever?
19:29 - I call him Mr. Jones.
19:31 - Mr. Jones.
19:32 - Yeah.
19:32 - Osmosis Jones.
19:33 - Osmosis Jones.
19:34 - Imagine if there was a dog you really liked, though,
19:35 but it was, like, three years old,
19:36 and his name was, like, Gladys,
19:37 you're like, ugh, I might be, like, a deal breaker.
19:39 I can't be saying, hey, Gladys.
19:41 - Yeah, White Sox Dave's actually a good story.
19:43 - Yeah.
19:43 - They found him in the, they found his dog
19:45 in a dumpster in Ace Hardware, so it's named Ace.
19:49 - That's a good name, yeah.
19:49 - Yeah.
19:50 - Yeah, just remind him of his worst nightmare
19:52 every time you call him by name.
19:53 (laughing)
19:56 - That was my last thought.
19:58 Hey, before we continue,
19:59 I wanna talk about chevydrivechicago.com,
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20:08 or the whole family, Chevy is a great selection of SUVs
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20:14 and top-tier technology and safety features.
20:18 Lot of good stuff. - It's the best.
20:19 - About Chevy Drives Chicago.
20:20 - That's a good way to pick up chicks.
20:21 Can't pick up chicks if you don't have a car?
20:23 - You're right. - Very true.
20:24 - You're right, you need a car,
20:25 and you should have a Chevy,
20:26 because if you check out the latest offers
20:29 on the Chevy Equinox, the Blazer, and the Trax,
20:31 you can find that at your local dealer,
20:32 chevydriveschicago.com.
20:34 - Dogs fit in all those cars.
20:35 - They do. - Yeah, so do girls.
20:37 - Yeah. - Yeah.
20:38 - Chevy's the new limousine.
20:40 - Yeah, that's it.
20:41 Pick her up in the Blazer, they'll be like,
20:43 "Oh, this is so nice, look at the technology in this thing."
20:46 - Big time.
20:47 - Look at the, you know,
20:48 even the whole family safety features.
20:50 - Oh, yeah.
20:51 - Can't beat that, Jake.
20:51 - Start family planning right away.
20:53 - Fun and cool.
20:54 - You fit two car seats in there.
20:55 - Yeah. - Yeah.
20:56 - There's plenty of room in the trunk for Jake.
20:58 - Yeah, there is.
20:59 Two car seats, dog, Jake.
21:01 - Yeah. - Be good to go.
21:02 Go check those out, Equinox, Blazer, Trax,
21:04 ChevyDriveChicago.com.
21:06 All right, so we didn't bring you on, Jake,
21:08 to talk about your dating life and whatnot.
21:11 We brought you on because there was a revelation last week
21:14 that you don't use soap when you shower.
21:16 - Correct.
21:17 - Maybe this is why Hinge isn't working for you.
21:19 - So I didn't realize it was that big of a deal.
21:21 People, I know, so I've done weird things in the past
21:25 that I thought were normal,
21:26 like eating the popcorn kernels at the bottom of the bowl
21:28 and people were freaking out.
21:29 I just thought that was kind of another weird--
21:30 - I chew on those sometimes too.
21:31 - Right, so like, but like,
21:33 this was like a very polarizing,
21:34 this is probably my most polarizing thing
21:36 that I've ever done at this company.
21:38 But I don't know, whatever questions you have,
21:41 I'm just curious to know why it's like such a problem.
21:43 - What if you get mud on you?
21:44 Are you using soap?
21:45 - So my philosophy about the soap is,
21:48 and I haven't used soap in years.
21:49 - We could tell.
21:50 - Right?
21:52 - So like, you're 24, like since like 20, like--
21:55 - I probably haven't used body wash
21:56 since like junior year of high school.
21:58 - No shit. - If I had to guess.
22:01 - Maybe senior year, like around that time, like 18.
22:04 - There's a lot of chemicals in the body wash.
22:05 - I didn't use it in college at all.
22:07 I played sports, like I did stuff.
22:09 But my thing is like, I've never ever been told,
22:12 and maybe it's because I don't,
22:14 like no one tells me in my face,
22:15 but like I've never been told I smell bad.
22:16 - I don't think you smell.
22:17 - Like I wear deodorant, which causes cancer,
22:19 but like that's--
22:21 - Is that the reason you don't use soap?
22:22 - No, it's not, I just,
22:23 I remember when I was using body wash,
22:26 my skin would get really dry
22:27 and I would try a bunch of different stuff
22:29 and then people were like, oh, just put on lotion.
22:31 It's like, well, then I'm putting on two things
22:33 when I could just be using zero things.
22:35 - Your natural oils. - Right.
22:36 And like your body gets to, same thing with the hair.
22:38 Like I almost never shampoo.
22:39 Like I use it probably once a month, if that.
22:42 - Your hair doesn't look dirty.
22:43 - Your body equalizes.
22:47 You reach an equilibrium with your body
22:48 where basically once you stop using all these stuff
22:50 that you rub in your hair and your body,
22:52 your body will then self-correct
22:54 to a point where it's cleaning itself.
22:55 So basically I believe that getting in the shower
22:58 and using water only, my body is used to that by now.
23:01 So like it works that way.
23:04 But I could see, I understand why people think it's gross.
23:06 I just don't think that it is gross.
23:08 - I feel like the not shampooing thing,
23:11 that is, you have to have a particular type of hair
23:15 to get away with it.
23:16 Like Feidelberg has like that wavy curly hair
23:18 and he doesn't have to do it.
23:20 I will look like the gay brother in "Wedding Crashers"
23:24 if I don't shampoo my hair.
23:25 'Cause I just have like-- - His name is Todd.
23:26 - No, I agree. - What?
23:27 - His name is Todd.
23:28 - Oh my God, I couldn't think of it.
23:29 - The painting was a gift.
23:30 - Yeah, the painting was a gift.
23:31 - I'm taking it with me.
23:32 - So that's how my hair would look if I didn't shampoo.
23:36 - Also it does take, like you gotta power through
23:39 when you first start the no shampoo.
23:42 Like there is like a month where it's like--
23:43 - A month?
23:44 - It's really gross for about a month.
23:46 - And then what happens?
23:47 - And then your body is like, all right, we're,
23:50 it's like the runner's high.
23:51 - Okay.
23:52 - You basically get to the end and it's like, oh wow.
23:54 I'm glad I did that.
23:55 - But you are stepping in the shower every day.
23:57 - Every morning I take a shower.
23:58 - I will say your hair does look shampooed.
24:00 - I take a shower every morning and--
24:02 - You blow dry it?
24:03 - No, I loose teeth comb.
24:07 - Okay.
24:08 - Run it through and then top dry.
24:10 - Okay.
24:11 - Give dandruff?
24:12 - I used to when I was using Head & Shoulders.
24:14 I stopped using Head & Shoulders, no more dandruff.
24:16 Interesting.
24:17 - I almost wanna try this as an experiment.
24:19 - I am--
24:21 - You think it's only a month?
24:22 - It's two weeks to a month.
24:24 It depends on the hair, but like the no poo is great.
24:27 And the no soap, no poo, no shampoo.
24:30 - No poo, that's a weird abbreviation.
24:32 - And then I'm a staunch no body wash guy.
24:36 - Yeah, I think I'm more on board with that.
24:39 - It's again, people have distinct body smells.
24:43 My dad has a smell.
24:44 I'll know that I can't describe the smell.
24:47 It's kind of a little mushroomy maybe.
24:49 But he has a stench.
24:50 He has a distinct smell.
24:51 No matter how much soap he uses,
24:53 he'll always smell like that.
24:55 I've never ever had somebody come to me
24:57 and be like, "You smell like blank."
24:59 So I just can't imagine that I'm needing to use the soap.
25:03 - Do you wash your hands?
25:04 - What about when you pee?
25:07 Do you run those under water?
25:08 - I never wash my hands.
25:09 - You run them under water?
25:10 - I'm a poop guy.
25:11 I wash when I poop.
25:12 I'll never wash when I pee.
25:13 It's my dick, it's not dirty,
25:15 and I don't get pee on my hands.
25:16 So what's the point?
25:17 All right.
25:18 - You don't just run them under water?
25:19 - Well, the point is that you're touching random things
25:22 throughout the day that have germs.
25:23 Like the flusher.
25:26 Anything.
25:28 Picking up trash.
25:29 - How often are you washing your hands?
25:31 - Putting your hand on the table.
25:32 - How many times a day do you wash your hands, Danny?
25:33 - Most times after I use the bathroom.
25:35 - So?
25:37 - 'Cause if I have a tendency to put my hand
25:38 against my face--
25:39 - What you just said, what you just said,
25:40 "Oh, I'm dirty all the time,
25:41 "so you should be washing your hands like 12 times a day."
25:42 - No, I'm saying I'm being precautionary every time.
25:45 - I'll run them under water.
25:47 I'm not usually using soap,
25:48 but I am always running them under water.
25:50 - Well, if I'm in public, I usually run them under water.
25:52 Or I'll do the classic turn on the sink.
25:55 - You probably just run your toothbrush
25:56 under the water, too.
25:58 - You're saying no paste?
25:59 - Like when you're--
26:00 - I use paste.
26:01 I'm a paste guy.
26:02 - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
26:03 - Do you use organic, like--
26:04 - No, I use--
26:05 - Butter and clay, like Dwight Schrute.
26:09 - No, the teeth are good.
26:10 The dentist, you should go to the dentist.
26:12 - Okay, agreed.
26:12 - So we've all touched your dick indirectly,
26:14 is what you're telling me.
26:15 - I'm sure you've touched a lot of dicks indirectly.
26:17 - Probably.
26:18 - Yeah, probably, right.
26:18 - I can't imagine a ton of people
26:19 were washing their hands after taking a piss.
26:20 Also, I have a question for you guys.
26:22 I was thinking about this the other day.
26:23 When you go to the urinal, balls in or out?
26:26 - I see we've had this debate, too.
26:27 I go through the fly.
26:29 I pull my dick out.
26:30 - That's an insane move.
26:31 - That's insane.
26:32 - Everyone says that.
26:33 That's what it's there for.
26:33 - That's like jaws.
26:34 - Yeah, you're risking those,
26:36 you're cutting your dick on the razor blade.
26:38 - So you're telling me you don't unzip,
26:39 like pull it down and--
26:41 - I unzip and pull it out.
26:43 - That's crazy.
26:43 - I switched to a fly guy.
26:45 - You're a fly guy now?
26:46 - You're through the hole?
26:47 - Yeah, I switched to a fly guy.
26:48 - Wait, so you're going through the underwear, too?
26:49 - Yeah, you have to go through the underwear, too.
26:51 - All right, I unzip.
26:51 Do you want me to do it right now?
26:53 I unzip.
26:54 - Is the button unbuttoned?
26:55 - Yes.
26:56 - Oh, so you're not through the fly.
26:57 - Well, he is.
26:58 - But the underwear has a fly.
26:59 - He's going through two layers.
27:00 - But if the button is unbuttoned,
27:01 then the pants are off.
27:02 - Yeah, no, I'm not, yeah, yes.
27:04 - Oh, that's crazy.
27:05 - I thought you were talking about
27:06 like the pants look like this.
27:07 - You're unbuttoning the top button
27:08 and you're still going through?
27:10 - Yeah.
27:11 - That's wild, that's weird.
27:12 - That is wild.
27:12 - What's the point?
27:13 - What do you mean?
27:14 I don't like to like--
27:15 - Why wouldn't you just undo it?
27:16 - I don't like having my dick flopping out
27:19 over the top of the waistband.
27:21 - You also don't even need to touch your dick
27:22 when you pee.
27:24 - True.
27:25 - Correct, you know?
27:25 That's what a lot of people don't--
27:26 - Well, it's more of a,
27:27 if you want to like aim it at the edge.
27:28 - Correct, but you could like also like--
27:30 - So adjust your body.
27:31 - Yeah, you could adjust your body.
27:32 You could touch it through your underwear.
27:34 - You know what I think that is though?
27:35 But I think if you're a guy that is uncircumcised,
27:40 do you have to pull the foreskin back off your dick?
27:43 - Oh yeah, the anteaters are definitely--
27:45 - They got some pee problems.
27:46 - Wait, so you are unbuttoning your jeans?
27:49 - Unbuttoning the jeans.
27:50 - Okay.
27:51 - Zipper down.
27:52 - And then you're unbuttoning the boxer.
27:54 - Unbuttoning the boxer.
27:55 Their boxers are brief.
27:56 - You're going through like the little slit.
27:57 - Yeah, the slit.
27:58 - Okay, going through the slit.
27:59 - Pulling my dick out through that and peeing.
28:00 - So that's a preference thing.
28:01 - That's harder to do than just putting it all down.
28:03 - I don't like how it feels when it's hanging over--
28:07 - Well, they just do it wide open.
28:09 - That's a big dick problem, I got that.
28:10 (laughing)
28:12 I got that problem.
28:12 - Yeah, you're like, "Uh, me too."
28:14 - Although sometimes when you go over
28:16 and the balls are kind of restricted,
28:18 you're not getting a great flow.
28:19 - Oh, but I'm getting balls out.
28:20 - All right, you guys know who that Andrew,
28:23 you're on balls out?
28:24 - Oh yeah.
28:25 (laughing)
28:26 Balls are resting on the waistband.
28:28 - Honestly, I would never do that.
28:29 - Yeah, because if you don't go balls out,
28:31 it almost like kinks the hose a little.
28:33 - That's why I go through the fly.
28:36 - That's--
28:37 - It's just a lot harder.
28:37 - I didn't realize you were unbuttoning the button.
28:39 - When I am at home--
28:40 - Don't unbutton the button, just go through the fly.
28:42 - It's like, then you're going through the zipper.
28:44 - Correct.
28:45 - That's fine.
28:46 - I don't wanna go through the zipper.
28:47 The zipper has to be out of the way.
28:48 - You could go over the boxer
28:50 without putting your balls over the boxers,
28:51 if that's what you're worried about.
28:52 - Yeah, but I don't like that feeling either.
28:53 That's a kink in the hose too.
28:55 - This is crazy.
28:56 Harry, do you have a thesis about this?
28:57 - No, no.
28:58 - Thesis.
28:59 - I think I might be the normal one.
29:02 That's what I realized when I am against you guys,
29:06 I end up being right.
29:07 - Dude, you are not normal for unbuttoning
29:09 and going through the hole.
29:10 - Yeah.
29:11 - I go through the gate.
29:13 - While your jeans are already unbuttoned.
29:15 - Yes.
29:16 - I thought you were cutting out a step.
29:17 - 35 years.
29:18 - Yeah, right, that's a good point.
29:19 You're not cutting out a step, you're adding a step.
29:22 - No, it's the same.
29:23 - We are all doing the same thing, you're adding a step.
29:26 - How am I adding a step?
29:27 - I'm doing it correctly.
29:29 - What do you mean?
29:30 - The P leaves my body, it's correct.
29:32 - You two do it one way, I do it the other,
29:34 through the gate or over the gate.
29:36 - Right.
29:37 - This guy does both.
29:38 - Correct.
29:39 - It makes no sense.
29:40 - You go through the gate, but then you go
29:41 under the gate, basically.
29:42 - Yeah.
29:43 - You burrow a hole.
29:44 - So you're a button stays closed guy.
29:45 - Yeah.
29:46 - Okay, that actually makes more sense than jeans.
29:48 - You pull your dick through the zipper.
29:50 - Yeah.
29:50 - I think it's scary, but it makes more sense.
29:52 - No.
29:52 - Wait, oh, you go through the zipper?
29:54 - Yeah.
29:55 - But I understand that, that's a way to do it.
29:57 - Yeah, for sure.
29:57 - What you do is like a hybrid, which makes it weird.
30:00 - Hey, can you guys do me a favor?
30:01 - Yeah.
30:02 - Try it out.
30:03 - All right.
30:04 - No.
30:05 - Try it out.
30:06 - Try out no soap.
30:07 - I'm gonna try out the, I'm gonna see how I--
30:09 - The no poo.
30:10 - I'm gonna see how it does with no shampoo.
30:11 - All right.
30:12 - I will see how--
30:13 - You know what Christmas time rolls around?
30:14 You're gonna have the best head of hair you ever had.
30:16 - That's saying something, 'cause I got a good head of hair.
30:18 - It's gonna feel great.
30:19 - I will say though, I was listening to that Andrew Huberman
30:21 maybe like two months ago, and he's like,
30:25 guys should just be sitting down to pee,
30:27 'cause that's how you get like the most pee out.
30:29 So when I'm at home, I'm almost exclusively a sit down pee guy.
30:32 - Me too.
30:33 - Really?
30:34 - 100%.
30:35 - Yeah.
30:35 - I sit down in public places.
30:37 - Yeah, I don't like sitting on the public toilets,
30:40 'cause I think they're gross.
30:41 - I'm tired.
30:42 - You guys are being stupid with this.
30:42 - Then I just sit on my phone.
30:44 - At home though, I'm a strictly sit down guy.
30:45 - Yeah, I sit down to pee.
30:46 - 100%.
30:47 - Listen, you could take Huberman's advice
30:48 for a lot of stuff, and I understand
30:49 it might be scientifically correct,
30:51 but one of the greatest gifts we have is being dudes,
30:54 is that you could piss and stand wherever.
30:56 - Yeah, when I need to.
30:57 - But don't, you should never--
31:00 - It's nice.
31:01 - Forget that.
31:02 - Sitting down to pee is nice.
31:02 - No, I don't forget.
31:03 I like to pee outside too.
31:05 I don't get to do that as much as I want.
31:07 - So you're sitting in the leaves
31:08 and not outside? - No, I'm not.
31:09 But I'm saying I have a dick,
31:10 it's my discretion of how to use it.
31:13 If I want to pee standing up, I will,
31:15 but if I'm at home and I'm just sitting down to pee,
31:18 getting all the pee out.
31:19 - You're still going through the flap
31:20 and you're sitting down?
31:21 - No, it's around the ankles at that point, obviously.
31:25 - Yeah, sometimes I sit when I pee
31:26 just to feel what it would feel like to be a woman.
31:29 - Feels nice.
31:30 - Tuck myself.
31:31 But I get the no shampoo argument.
31:34 I've heard that one.
31:35 But if you're doing no body wash,
31:36 you at least got to treat yourself like a car wash,
31:39 like every month or so to get some soap in there
31:41 and make sure things are aligned.
31:43 - I've looked at the ingredients and stuff.
31:45 - Ingredients.
31:46 - And the shampoo that I bought,
31:48 I bought for the purpose that it's not
31:50 one of the big brands.
31:51 I feel like those people don't give a shit
31:52 about your hair at all.
31:54 So I got this off-brand, home, mom and pop shampoo,
31:59 which is nice, whatever.
32:00 The soap stuff, I don't even know if it does anything.
32:03 - All right, so you think soap is useless
32:05 when it comes to washing things?
32:07 - Kinda, yeah.
32:08 - So do you use soap in the dishwasher?
32:10 - I said this, yeah, I said the same thing.
32:11 - So we did this discussion.
32:12 I only, when I would do the dishes in my New York apartment
32:15 when I had no dishwasher, I would never use soap.
32:17 I would just kind of scrub a dub dub with the brush.
32:19 - You could sometimes be smelling that leftover roast beef
32:22 the next day when you're heating up pizza.
32:24 - Never had a problem.
32:26 Never had an issue.
32:27 - Are you at least taking a sponge to it?
32:28 Like, what are you doing?
32:29 - I have a brush and I would brush it off.
32:30 - Scrub.
32:31 - Yeah.
32:32 - Yeah, a little elbow grease and you're good.
32:33 - Yeah, like this morning, I even showered my dog
32:34 this morning 'cause he was dirty.
32:36 - Oh, you shouldn't do that.
32:37 - You mean you hose him down?
32:38 - So I'm still having an issue with that with my tub
32:42 'cause their hair just, it clogs.
32:44 - Not a shatter.
32:45 - Oh, well then you're fine.
32:46 - Yeah.
32:47 - But no, I just get in, I rinse off and then I get out.
32:50 - And this is all 'cause you don't like chemicals.
32:52 - Well that, and also like it makes my body feel worse
32:55 than it does when I don't use soap.
32:56 - These guys love chemicals.
32:57 - No, I'm just curious.
32:58 So you were like against like the spray?
33:01 Like which kind of spray?
33:02 - Are you against like Febreze?
33:04 - I mean, I don't use it.
33:05 - Okay.
33:06 - I don't, the extra stuff, it's a lot of crap.
33:10 - Okay.
33:11 - You know, I just don't think it's,
33:12 now granted I definitely do a lot of stuff that's bad
33:15 that I, you know.
33:16 - But you don't do all the stuff.
33:17 - Should not do, but like, I don't know.
33:19 I mean the deodorant stuff, that's like carcinogenic.
33:22 - If you have like the aluminum and some of those chemicals.
33:24 - Right, and I'm not gonna stop using the same deodorant
33:26 I've been using for years.
33:27 - I switched.
33:28 - Which to what?
33:29 From what to what?
33:30 - I was a degree guy.
33:32 - Okay.
33:33 - And.
33:33 - The gel or the white?
33:34 - The white.
33:35 - Okay.
33:36 - And I've moved to another brand.
33:37 I don't even know what the name of it,
33:38 I have one actually probably in my backpack,
33:40 but I got it at Whole Foods.
33:41 It's like aluminum free, chemical free.
33:43 And it's the first one of that nature
33:45 that I feel like actually works.
33:46 - Okay.
33:47 - 'Cause I would, if.
33:48 - It's antiperspirant.
33:49 That's the only reason I use deodorant.
33:50 - Yeah.
33:51 - I don't use it for the smell.
33:52 - Right.
33:52 - I feel like the carcinogen argument is a cop out for you.
33:54 You're still eating McDonald's.
33:56 You're still doing all that shit.
33:56 - I'm a fast food guy.
33:58 I go to the grocery store, I get the same thing every week.
34:01 I get three New York strips.
34:04 - Nice.
34:05 - In the package.
34:06 I get a pound of ground beef, two onions,
34:09 a thing of garlic, four cans of chopped tomatoes.
34:12 - What are you making?
34:13 - I'm making three steaks and rice a week.
34:15 - Okay.
34:16 - And then two pots of pasta and meat red sauce.
34:19 - Are you all organic?
34:20 - Well, it's a balance.
34:23 - No, like if you're getting rice,
34:25 you're getting like a lawyer.
34:25 - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
34:26 - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
34:27 - But you know, it's a little more expensive.
34:29 So I sometimes--
34:30 - It's only a little bit more.
34:31 - Right.
34:32 - Yeah.
34:33 - But if it's, you know, a tight week.
34:33 - Yeah, okay.
34:34 - A lot of people in Virginia,
34:35 they do this method of the no soap.
34:37 - Yeah.
34:39 - I'm sure there are for different reasons.
34:41 - There's no way.
34:43 Like it's just by chance, same number do it here,
34:44 put that in there.
34:45 It's not a Virginia thing.
34:46 - But no, I can't say that it's a hometown thing.
34:49 - I think--
34:50 - It's not a cultural.
34:51 - No, I don't think so.
34:52 - Jake is basically just using this to audition as a date.
34:54 So he doesn't have to use the apps.
34:55 - I'm very eco-friendly.
34:57 I believe in love.
34:58 - I have a dog, I play guitar.
34:59 I have my own place.
35:00 - I cook three New York strips every week.
35:01 - I have a car, you know.
35:02 No, I mean, the soap thing, I just, I haven't used it.
35:06 - Did you used to put this in your prompt?
35:08 - No, I don't know, I forget what my,
35:11 it's been years since I've been on those apps.
35:14 All the prompts are the same.
35:15 Especially the girl prompts.
35:17 Drives me nuts.
35:18 - Yeah.
35:19 - When I order for the table,
35:20 and it's always the same three things.
35:22 - My favorite line that I used to see on there was
35:25 that they were fluent in sarcasm.
35:27 - No.
35:27 - I feel like every girl in the world would be like,
35:29 oh, I'm fluent in sarcasm.
35:30 - It's the worst.
35:31 (laughing)
35:32 - What's wrong with me?
35:34 - It's just like, you basic bitch.
35:37 - Yeah, this year I really wanna travel.
35:40 - Yeah.
35:41 - With friends.
35:42 - I don't, this is like, there are certain people
35:44 that they just adopt a thing,
35:46 and it becomes their whole personality.
35:47 Like travel, I feel like is one of them.
35:50 I feel like now, being a Taylor Swift fan of some people,
35:53 it's their entire identity.
35:54 - It's starting to get a bit much.
35:55 - It's crazy.
35:56 - It's crazy.
35:57 - And like, she's obviously a superstar.
35:58 Her music's great. - She's great.
35:59 - She's phenomenal, but.
36:00 - Right.
36:01 - It's getting a bit much.
36:02 - Yeah.
36:03 - I'm back in.
36:04 - She boosts the economy.
36:04 - That video got me back in.
36:05 - Which one?
36:06 - The kiss video.
36:07 - With Kelsey?
36:08 - Yeah.
36:09 - Why, what made you?
36:09 - I thought it was all like, whatever.
36:11 They're in love.
36:12 Good for them.
36:13 - Oh.
36:14 - No, I mean, no, good for them.
36:15 - I give it till February.
36:16 - No, and did you see Jack Mack's video
36:17 about them getting married and having kids?
36:19 He said they might save the trajectory of American society.
36:23 - Oh, because kids will be in?
36:24 - If they get married and have kids
36:26 and like, have a nuclear family, like, that's back.
36:27 - Dude.
36:28 - Which would be.
36:29 - I feel like, no, I'm not even gonna say it.
36:32 Not gonna say it.
36:32 - Mal's like, was sitting at his desk yesterday.
36:34 - But I feel like.
36:35 - Is the guy on the cheese?
36:36 - I was.
36:37 - But I feel like she has always been
36:39 in love and relationships, but now it's just.
36:41 - I don't know if she's ever been in love.
36:42 - Correct.
36:43 - But now that she's just with,
36:44 now she's with a guy that all guys know.
36:45 - Yeah, true.
36:46 - He's also like, actually cool and not a loser
36:48 like the guy she's been dating.
36:49 - I think he's kind of a loser.
36:50 - But like, not in the way that the other guys were.
36:52 - Yeah.
36:53 - She was dating the same guy over and over again.
36:55 - Yeah, like I couldn't tell,
36:56 who was the guy she dated before him?
36:58 - She dated a Kennedy.
37:00 - The Joe guy.
37:01 No, the 1975 singer.
37:03 - Oh, Harry, oh.
37:04 - Joe something.
37:05 - 1975.
37:06 - Oh, Joe Jonas.
37:07 - No, Mattie Healy.
37:07 - Yeah, I have no idea who that is.
37:09 - Correct, but also he was the worst guy ever.
37:11 - Jake Gyllenhaal.
37:12 - Cool guy.
37:13 - I love Jake Gyllenhaal.
37:14 - Yeah, even those guys.
37:15 - It's problematic to say that.
37:16 - Joe Jonas, Harry Styles,
37:17 whenever they saw them in public, they weren't freaking out.
37:20 Why is it different with Kelsey?
37:21 - Do you think that she finally dated somebody over 30
37:24 and they're not worthless?
37:26 - No, I think it's the first guy that all guys really know.
37:30 - But you don't see guys freaking out, it's the girls.
37:32 - I know most of these people.
37:34 - Yeah, but like Jake Gyllenhaal, while I love him.
37:36 - She has a whole table of contents for her boyfriends.
37:40 - Jake Gyllenhaal, while I love him
37:41 and think he's one of the best actors in Hollywood,
37:44 I'm still not, I don't like.
37:46 - I don't know who Tom Huddleston is, Joe Alwyn.
37:50 - You're still not what?
37:50 - Or Matt Easey.
37:51 - The Yak guys have just called me
37:52 to come on the Yak and talk soap, so I gotta go.
37:55 - Fucking hell.
37:56 - I got a whole day made up of just soap.
37:57 - We got upstream.
37:58 - I know, all right, well thank you guys.
37:59 - Thank you. - We'll see ya.
38:01 - The Jake Malasik no soap tour continues.
38:04 It's like he got a new show coming out.
38:06 He's got a new book coming out, no soap.
38:08 - Yeah, good luck.
38:09 - What were you gonna say about Jake Gyllenhaal?
38:12 - Like I'm not following his day to day.
38:14 Like it's like, oh nice, he's in a new movie,
38:16 coming up, I'm not watching when he gets groceries
38:18 in People Magazine.
38:19 You know, it's not, it's a little different
38:22 where Kelsey, like I'm seeing his press conferences,
38:25 I'm seeing all like shit outside of them.
38:27 - His vaccines.
38:28 - Well, but I'm seeing him 17 days a year too.
38:32 Like Jake Gyllenhaal, you see two, three movies.
38:34 - But it's not like--
38:35 - It's not him, it's a fucking role.
38:37 - It's not like guys are freaking out about this more,
38:39 it's mostly, it's still the girls.
38:41 - But that hasn't stopped people from freaking out
38:43 about relationships in the past, like Brangelina.
38:45 Remember that?
38:46 Like that was such a huge thing.
38:47 And then Ben Affleck and J-Lo, like that was a huge thing.
38:51 Like people were obsessed with them.
38:53 But this is a little bit different level,
38:54 but it's, they weren't athletes, you know?
38:59 - Yeah, I guess, yeah.
39:01 I don't know, man, obviously she's at the peak of her,
39:03 she's at the height of her powers right now.
39:05 Like she's always been super popular, but I think this is--
39:08 - Well, she is, it's gone from she's super popular
39:11 to a cult.
39:14 Credit to her though, like she's re-releasing
39:15 the same songs, Taylor versions,
39:17 and people are still going nuts.
39:18 - Yeah, that's loyalty.
39:20 - Yeah, that is for sure.
39:22 - That's good.
39:23 - Yeah, she's the queen, she's awesome, she's great,
39:25 but people need to, you know, maybe chill.
39:28 - Don't clip this part, Arianne,
39:31 I don't feel like fighting people.
39:32 - Chief's out, chief.
39:34 - Don't deify regular people.
39:35 - Chief's sounding like Kanye over here.
39:38 - No, I'm not.
39:38 - When he steals the mic from her on stage.
39:40 - Don't say that.
39:41 - In the right context, it makes sense.
39:42 - Kanye at the Grammys.
39:45 - I would never do that to Taylor.
39:47 - I'm gonna let you finish.
39:49 - Wow, what a moment that was.
39:51 That was literally insane.
39:52 - Yeah, what, Malsec?
39:53 - No, to, well, Malsec too.
39:56 Malsec, I mean, Malsec's, I really like him.
39:59 - He's like one of my favorite guys.
40:00 - Yeah, I do too, he's really, like,
40:02 I really enjoy chopping it up with him,
40:03 but he's definitely got some Patrick Bateman to him.
40:06 - Oh, I don't think so, I think he's a puppy dog.
40:08 - The other day I walked downstairs,
40:09 he just has a full plate of beets,
40:11 eating beets at 3 p.m. in the afternoon.
40:14 I have a video, it's on my Twitter.
40:16 - Patrick Bateman or not?
40:18 - What's wrong with beets, bro?
40:19 I was like, who's just randomly craving--
40:19 - Nobody likes beets, Dwight.
40:22 - Bears, beets, no soap.
40:24 - All right, then, we gotta wrap this up.
40:28 Thank you guys, thank you, Harry,
40:29 thank you to Jake for coming on.
40:32 See you guys tomorrow.
40:34 (whooshing)
40:36 [WHOOSH]
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