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00:21 What is the relationship between you and your mother like?
00:25 Perhaps you've noticed that something is just not right
00:28 in your relationship,
00:29 but you have no idea why.
00:31 And because of that, you've questioned yourself
00:32 and wondered whether it was something you were doing
00:35 or is it something she's doing?
00:38 Sound familiar?
00:39 Children of narcissistic parents go through their lives
00:42 feeling confused and lost,
00:45 and in search of the love they never received from home.
00:48 They expect their mothers to nurture and support them,
00:51 but when they're dealing with narcissistic mothers,
00:53 they aren't given the love and support
00:55 that healthy parents should provide.
00:57 Narcissism is one of the buzzwords used a lot
01:00 in mental health literature and social media.
01:03 So how do we know our own mothers are narcissistic
01:05 or simply just being mothers?
01:07 In this video, we'll be discussing 10 signs
01:09 you may have a narcissistic mother.
01:12 As a disclaimer, this video is purely
01:13 for educational purposes and is not designed to diagnose
01:16 or suggest that your mother is a narcissist
01:18 because you recognize some of the signs in this video.
01:21 If you feel that your mother
01:22 is displaying narcissistic traits
01:24 and you feel that you can't talk to her about it,
01:26 we suggest confiding in somebody you trust
01:29 or speaking to a person in a professional capacity,
01:31 such as a GP or a mental health professional.
01:34 Let's begin.
01:35 Number one, she sees her children
01:37 as her trophies or her pawns.
01:40 Ever feel like your achievements are used by your mother
01:42 to show off her status and her ability?
01:45 A narcissistic mother sees her child
01:47 as an extension of herself.
01:49 The sad truth is,
01:51 the only thing narcissistic mothers care about
01:53 is how others see them through their children.
01:56 So when her child makes any mistake in public,
01:59 she belittles them.
02:00 A narcissistic mother will be full of praise
02:03 when you make her look good.
02:05 Hypercritical and judgmental when you make her look bad.
02:08 And the worst part, she knows where it hurts
02:11 and will often not consider this
02:12 before making comments at your expense.
02:14 If you have siblings, she'll pit you against each other
02:17 to gain more control.
02:19 The golden child is the one she favors more,
02:22 solely because of how good you make her look around others.
02:25 If she sees you as the scapegoat,
02:27 she'll put the blame on you for everything
02:29 and even emotionally reject you
02:31 because you make her look bad.
02:33 Number two, she likes to keep control.
02:36 Does she get angry when you disagree
02:37 or don't do what she wants you to do?
02:40 Does she try to make you feel guilty
02:41 for having separate interests, hobbies,
02:43 desires, and opinions?
02:45 Mothers who exhibit narcissistic traits
02:48 like to have complete control
02:49 over all aspects of their children's lives,
02:52 from friends to music to clothes and habits.
02:55 Number three, she uses manipulation to get what she wants.
02:59 Does trying to assert yourself
03:01 result towards your mother in anger,
03:02 rejection, and hostility?
03:04 Manipulation is her game and she will often play it well.
03:08 She will use guilt trips through emotional blackmail
03:10 to make you and any siblings you may have
03:13 dance to her music.
03:15 She doesn't appreciate your attempts to individuate
03:18 as it means you're going to be less available
03:20 to serve her needs.
03:22 Number four, her love is conditional
03:25 rather than unconditional.
03:27 As mentioned earlier, the mother who is narcissistic
03:29 is interested in how you and your achievements
03:32 reflect on her.
03:33 However, on the flip side, she may even become jealous.
03:37 As a result, she may use love as a way to reward
03:40 and to punish.
03:41 Narcissistic mothers know that the most powerful weapon
03:44 over their children is their love,
03:46 which is one of the reasons why children
03:48 of narcissistic mothers will often be perfectionistic
03:50 in a misguided attempt to win their mother's love.
03:54 Number five, she often diverts the conversation
03:57 to focus on herself.
03:59 Have you ever found yourself trying to communicate an issue
04:01 or a problem to your mother
04:03 and feel like she's just not listening?
04:05 Do you feel unvalued in your family dynamic?
04:09 Narcissistic mothers will take control
04:10 and change the direction of the conversation
04:12 to focus on themselves.
04:14 Number six, she lacks empathy.
04:17 Because they're so super focused on themselves,
04:20 narcissistic mothers are unable to sympathize
04:22 with their children.
04:23 It's likely that she'll not validate your feelings
04:26 as there's very little room in her emotional consciousness
04:28 for her to do so.
04:30 Narcissists are self-centered
04:32 and they feel the entire world should revolve around them.
04:35 If they do something that upsets you,
04:37 narcissists won't acknowledge their mistakes
04:39 or soothe your upset
04:41 because they believe they can do no wrong.
04:44 Number seven, she's unpredictable.
04:47 Never quite know where you stand with your mother?
04:50 Narcissists often wax and wane
04:52 in terms of their attention and availability.
04:55 She may shower you with affection and attention
04:57 when she wants something from you
04:59 and ignore you when she's doing okay.
05:02 This is also known as love bombing.
05:04 Number eight, she carries grudges.
05:07 Does your mother hold a grudge
05:08 based on something that happened days,
05:10 months or even years ago?
05:12 With narcissistic mothers,
05:14 these tend to last for a long time
05:16 with no sign of it being forgiven
05:17 or forgotten anytime soon.
05:19 This is because narcissistic mothers
05:22 are quick to develop a victim mentality.
05:24 She's wired to manipulate others,
05:27 which includes guilt tripping you with your past mistakes.
05:31 Get what she wants.
05:32 Number nine, she's emotionally volatile.
05:36 Another key tick box when it comes to looking at narcissism
05:39 is being volatile in nature.
05:41 Mothers with these characteristics
05:42 have very low self-esteem underneath their bluster
05:45 and will become teary, desperate and manipulative
05:48 if they meet ongoing resistance.
05:51 And number 10, she will never want to let you go.
05:54 Has your mother ever said something like,
05:56 "You can't leave me," or "You need me."
05:59 All parents know their kids will grow up
06:01 and eventually leave the nest.
06:03 However, narcissistic mothers
06:05 may have a harder time letting go.
06:07 Codependency in relationships is a trademark
06:09 of people suffering from narcissistic personality disorder.
06:12 So a narcissistic mother may hold onto her child
06:15 as long as possible, even into adulthood.
06:18 She will use every tactic in the book
06:20 to make them feel dependent on her.
06:22 Did you relate to any of these signs?
06:24 Let us know in the comments below.
06:26 Remember that narcissistic traits
06:28 can be symptoms of a personality disorder.
06:31 However, that does not mean
06:32 that everybody who exhibits these signs is a narcissist
06:35 or that they may have a personality disorder.
06:38 If you feel like your mother may be a narcissist,
06:41 please ensure you talk to somebody you trust
06:43 as this can be a difficult thing to deal with,
06:46 not just for you, but for your mother
06:48 and those around her as well.
06:49 If you found this video helpful,
06:51 please like and share it
06:52 with someone who might benefit from it too.
06:54 Don't forget to subscribe to Psych2Go
06:56 and hit the notification bell icon for more content.
06:59 Thanks so much for watching and we'll see you soon.
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