Cancelled comedian Graham Linehan performs outside the Scottish Parliament

The Scotsman

A stand-up comedy performance at the Edinburgh Fringe by Father Ted writer Graham Linehan was taking place outside the Scottish Parliament on Thursday, after a second venue cancelled the show over his views on the trans movement.

Transcript

00:00 Are we ready for our next act?

00:02 [applause]

00:03 Please give a round of applause for Mr. Graham Linehan!

00:05 [applause]

00:15 This better be good!

00:17 [laughter]

00:19 Oh my god. Well, at least it's a place that's very conducive to comedy.

00:23 [laughter]

00:25 Hopefully another siren will pass by a few times and block out these very under-rehearsed jokes.

00:31 Um, uh, yeah, so, uh, you're in good hands, as you can tell from that pause, that first pause.

00:38 This is my sixth gig, I think, so it's brilliant to be doing it here.

00:42 So good. So good to be doing it up a quite busy road with, uh...

00:46 [laughter]

00:48 With, uh, the cameras from the McCarthy trials.

00:52 [laughter]

00:56 That was quite impressive.

00:58 [applause]

01:01 Quite impressive. So, uh, I think, but, actually, no, I should say that even though it is, like, an early gig,

01:07 I have, I have been getting very positive responses. You're in safe hands.

01:12 Uh, so many people have come up to me...

01:14 [loud noise]

01:16 [laughter]

01:18 Excuse me.

01:20 So many people have, uh, come up to me and said after a gig, uh,

01:23 "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah."

01:29 Very positive. Very positive responses.

01:32 "Yeah, yeah, it was, uh, yeah, yeah."

01:35 [laughter]

01:38 At all the gigs I've done, I've received a singing ovation, which is the rarer form of ovation,

01:44 which is why you don't hear about it so much.

01:47 I killed that joke.

01:50 [loud noise]

01:53 Someone just said, "I just apologized for the mess today, the insanity today."

01:58 And darling it was, he said, "Yeah, just, uh, calm down with the tweeting."

02:04 And he does three songs about trans people.

02:07 [laughter]

02:09 "Calm down with the tweeting."

02:12 Um, uh, okay, so I should keep it light.

02:15 So I'm going to talk just for a few seconds about, uh, cancer of the testicles.

02:19 [laughter]

02:21 About five years ago, just before I got cancelled, uh, I, I had cancer of the testicles.

02:26 And, uh, I really wish I'd taken the time to enjoy it more.

02:30 [laughter]

02:32 Because it's been downhill since then, ladies and gentlemen.

02:35 [laughter]

02:37 The doctor came in and he said, uh, "I got good news and I got bad news."

02:41 I said, uh, "I'll have the good news first, because I'm unlike, unlike everyone else, I like to hear the good news first,

02:47 because I feel like it protects you against the, uh, against whatever the bad news has to throw at you."

02:53 So I said, "What's the good news?"

02:55 He said, "You have cancer of the testicles."

02:58 [laughter]

03:01 I said, "Okay, what's the bad news?"

03:03 He said, "That's as good as it's going to get for five years."

03:06 [laughter]

03:08 Don't go, "Aww!"

03:11 [laughter]

03:13 Um, listen, I, I kind of, I do have, uh, I do have, uh, uh, scattered, uh, other jokes, but, uh,

03:21 probably shouldn't have said that, I should have pretended that was it.

03:24 But, uh, I don't know, it's been such a strange day that I think I'll leave it there.

03:29 Um, well, I just wanted to say, um, first of all, I'm really sorry that you got messed around today.

03:35 Uh, as you can tell, you know, despite the animal cruelty, there's not really much to these jokes apart from, you know,

03:43 [laughter]

03:45 you know, it's, it's, it's, it's just insane.

03:48 I mean, I've been, I've been fighting this stuff for five years, and I've never seen anything as insane as the last two days, you know?

03:56 And I keep asking people what I've said wrong, and what I, what I'm saying wrong in this fight,

04:01 about women's spaces, about children being mutilated and sterilized in gender clinics,

04:07 and about the women who are being harassed and threatened, you know, uh, for standing up for it.

04:13 [applause]

04:18 So, so, what I would like to do is, uh, you know, the comedy is something, it's my first love, it's a thing I love to do.

04:28 Um, but I've not been allowed to do that for five years.

04:32 Uh, and this is just what I decided I would do to keep you down, you are.

04:36 Couple of silly jokes, and they can't even let me do that.

04:40 [offscreen] We've got your back, man, don't worry!

04:42 [applause]

04:49 Thank you, I know you do, and it really helps.

04:52 Um, so anyway, yeah, so now that I've just completely killed the atmosphere for the next few days,

04:57 [laughter]

04:59 which was sort of the plan, to be honest,

05:02 uh, I will take my leave, but, but, uh, I will hang around, and I hope to see you all for a drink after,

05:07 and thank you very much for--

05:09 [applause]

05:15 Can we have a round of applause for Sir Graham Lillohan!

05:17 [applause]

05:19 Can we have a round for Sir Fanny O'Keefe!

05:21 [applause]

05:23 [BLANK_AUDIO]

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