#1. Let your big sister, me, take the lead on this. #2. I do give you some insight on where I'm coming from. #3. What it boils down to? No matter where you swing, we need to show compassion towards each other.
FYI. I figured out years ago I'm a better freebird. On the other hand, listening to well intentioned advice made me unhappy. I can do and be bad myself. What you see is what you get. Advice. if you are a guy, especially a guy friend that likes me romantically? Don't. Like what you see? A person is a person, despite the view. I do not care what I look like to you. (Ex boyfriends made it clear and I got the memo.) I'm not a pick, and don't want to be caught. I make a better friend, auntie and cousin. What ever you got to do to get yourself to stop liking me, put yourself through that process. I'm very protective of my peace and very picky about who I let in my sanctuary. Mental health and peace means more to me than being center of attention, being liked or fitting in. The drama, the stress and time is not worth it to me, whew chile let somebody else do it. I found my lanes, staying in them and don't care what people think of it.
****And yes I have and do date, but I keep that private and rarely post boyfriend girlfriend photos. I run my mouth on these videos, I create quote videos, I have a fitness channel. I travel. I give speeches on causes that mean a lot to me. I live a full life. There's enough of my shit out there already, and I do have a right to maintain some privacy in certain areas of my life. I wear several hats, been involved in dozens of startups. I'm an individual, with individual hobbies, dreams and goals regardless of my relationship status and I empathize that quite a bit.
Lume helps me avoid smelling like a goat. https://lumedeodorant.refr.cc/aleshapeterson222
These music projects were supposed to be posthumous, but I made a specific page just for them. First 2 Vols only! Lets go! https://sslickmixtapes.bandcamp.com/
https://soundcloud.com/s-slickmixtapes
I'm an athlete for EPN Supplements. If supplements are your thing, go here and use my discount code APeterson for a 10% discount. https://ep-nutrition.com?aff=9201
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00:00Hi, so I do curse in this. So if you don't want to hear me curse, don't watch. Thank you for hanging in there and watching my videos. So if you want to stop at this point, I appreciate you for watching up to this point. Thank you.
00:30Hi, my name is Alicia. And if this is your first time visiting my channel, welcome. In the book. So I really don't have no notes, but this video is child free and solo for life like me. How to ignore people in a judgmental society for life. Here's your survival guide and your big sis in this.
00:51Um, for those that haven't been around, I'm just going to give you like a little bit of a history. So growing up, I always resonated with being an auntie. Even as a little girl, being a mom wasn't really like a huge desire.
01:07I used to sit here and watch girls fight over boys, try to beat me up over boys and talk about they're looking at you more and all that stupid shit. And I also was in a religion where they're very pushy on marriage and kids. And you would be such a good wife or somebody one day.
01:24And they pushed it on me so hard that I started to lose interest in men and guys don't define my worth. And so because I thought differently than people around me and my religion, I sort of just naturally started to distance myself.
01:37And yeah, I've had my fair share of relationships with guys and fell off and fucked up so bad. I'm like, damn, like, I could be a pathetic asshole by myself. And I feel like every time I trusted people with my life like that, I've always messed up. I said, you know what, I think I'm just going to take a different path than most people. And of course, my religion, there's a lot of people who are kind of judgmental and we're married. So everybody else needs to be married. And I just think what it boils down to is we need to be married.
02:07We need to all be supportive of each other no matter if we understand someone's path or not. But there's a lot of like busybodies and some of my mom's friends like you would be such a good spouse or someone like that's all right. I'm sort of more on the single side and the child free side. And I have medical issues and they told me I can't have kids. And when my doctors first told me that I didn't go, woe is me. I'm not a victim. And I don't want anybody in my life feeling sorry.
02:37For me. The wheels of my head started to spin. And I felt a calling on my life. It's how can I be of service to my cousins who are moms, my friends who are moms, and my family members who are moms.
02:53And I tell them this all the time and I'm going to tell as many people as I can. Your mental health, mom's self-care is more important to me than me having kids.
03:06Infertility awareness, black maternal health care, mom suicide prevention, postpartum depression, and postpartum psychosis. Those causes are way more important to me than me having kids.
03:24And I've lost so many friends to suicide that I take mom's mental health very seriously. And I made a promise to my friends that passed away.
03:34I can't care for you guys anymore. And I can't look out for you. And I'm sorry that I didn't notice the signs and maybe I could have taken the weight off.
03:41But I made a promise to them that as much as I can, I will look out for the mental health of my loved ones, especially my moms.
03:50You know, my cousins who are moms, my friends who are moms, my family members who are moms. I will do what I can.
03:56And so one of the things I said, hey, listen, if you guys want to guys and gals want to go out and I can watch the kids for a little bit, I don't mind because, again, your mental health means more to me than having kids.
04:11And it's just a calling on my life. And I feel as an auntie, I just feel more obligated to do stuff like that than me being a parent.
04:22And so I've had some people say, but Leisha, you're going to miss out on the blessings and the joys and the prayers.
04:29I'm like, those are my cousins' answered prayers. Those are my friends' answered prayers. Those are my friends' joys.
04:35And those are my family members' joys. I don't like to compare myself or feel like I'm missing out on something because I'm not having kids.
04:44That's their blessings. I want to find my own blessings. And I don't try to like, oh man, I'm missing out. I'm not a victim.
04:51You know, my cousins are my legacies. I have to thank my grandpa, Andrew, and my great-grandma, Oda Mae, meaning my, um, technically Andrew's my great-grandpa.
05:07Um, my grandpa, Isaac, and my granny, Delma, because they're the ones that had all the kids.
05:14We are, my mom is one of 13, my grandpa's one of 12, and I feel like my cousins are my kids and they're my legacy.
05:19I really don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. And some people are like, but Leisha, you know, you don't know what you'll be like as a parent and you don't know what you don't know.
05:31And I don't want to have kids just to figure out what I'm missing out on.
05:36And sometimes you figure out too late that things are not for you. And I just hate to have kids and regret them.
05:43I'd rather, um, not have them. You know what I mean? And this battery's about to die, so give me one second and I will be right back.
05:57Chiquita, how you doing?
05:58Okay, to continue, I'd rather regret not having them than regret having them.
06:07And while I think my mom would be a good granny, I think I would be a horrible mother because it's just not something I want to do.
06:16And it's just not my dream. And it's funny because I, um, talk with my, uh, friends and my family members who are married because I'm, I'm the single for life girlfriend.
06:32And I'm the one that people bent to. And one of the things they always tell me is it takes a village. I want to be a part of that village as an auntie.
06:45I want to make sure that their needs and they're being seen. And what can I do to be supportive of you as a mom?
06:56I want to support my mom, you know, my cousins who are moms, my friends who are moms. I want to support them in the same way that they care for their newborns.
07:06And I humbly think to myself, you know, in the midst of all the hard stuff and my health issues and at the worst, worst, worst, worst days during my worst days, do I want to be a mom?
07:21And my answer is a humbly no. I don't want to be a martyr. I don't want to be everything for everybody. And I don't want to bite off more than I can chew.
07:31And I'm just not going to do it because I did too many times in my twenties and people took me for granted, threw me away like a piece of trash and took, um, didn't appreciate what I brought to the table.
07:43So I said, you know what? I just don't think I want to do that. And in fact, let me see if I could pull up this little quote.
07:53So this is what I've been putting on different, because I've been, um, asking questions, even on YouTube.
08:07Congratulations. Thank you for making this and sharing. I'm an auntie. I'm not having kids, but watching this and other videos gives me an inside scoop.
08:15How can I support my friends and family members that are moms? What would they want in the care package? How can I support a laboring mom in the delivery room if I'm invited to that sacred space?
08:25Mom's self-care is really important to me, and I want to make sure they feel cared for and supported. Those sorts of things.
08:30I don't know what it's like, so I'm literally taking notes as an aunt.
08:35This is the closest way of being there without experiencing it. Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us.
08:41I am always taking notes, asking questions. Um, hey, what can I do to make sure that you feel supported? Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am.
08:55And I'm always taking notes, but me as a mom, no. So, let's see, I think for that part, I think I pretty much got it all covered.
09:09Give me one second, so I can think.
09:15Okay, so I had time to think. I also want to give a shout out to those who are having infertility issues and want kids.
09:23Because I always want to be there to support those women, because I have a couple of friends who are like that.
09:32And see, I'm on the infertility side, and I don't want kids. You know, I've made peace with my decisions.
09:38And I, I don't want kids. But I do want to support those who have infertility problems and they want kids.
09:48Because I feel for you, like, I think you would be great parents.
09:52And I just want to let you know you're not alone.
09:54And there is me and a bunch of other women out here who have your back.
09:59And I also want to give a shout out to moms, especially.
10:05You're the superheroes of the world.
10:07A lot of times, we don't thank you enough.
10:12And you are always on the clock.
10:16I wrote, like, my love note in an article or two of mine.
10:21You're, you know, taking the kids to school, cooking, cleaning, maintaining the home, doing all the things that moms do.
10:30And I really appreciate you.
10:32But I also want to be supportive of you as auntie.
10:37I don't want to be a mom.
10:39And it's crazy because the more people try to push being a mother on me, the less I want to do it.
10:44And I think I completely messed it up.
10:46I support the moms out here who want, who always wanted to be parents.
10:54Because a lot of my friends who have become moms now, they've always wanted it and desired it.
11:01And same thing with some of my cousins.
11:02They've always wanted and desired it.
11:04And I want it for them.
11:05If you want it, you know, I want it for you as much as you want it for you.
11:10And I just never really wanted it to the point where I would take a leap to being a mom.
11:18I've always had a desire to be an auntie.
11:21And that's why I just think it's a little weird.
11:26Let's get a little close here like we're friends.
11:30You like my baby?
11:31Okay.
11:31But I just think it's really weird that I've had some guy friends DM me talking about,
11:39Oh, I want you to be mother of my kids.
11:41We've been knowing each other for years.
11:44I've been the girl and the guy group, right?
11:48Because my history, sometimes girls get a little jealous, get a little weird, start biting me over guys.
11:57And so when they started acting like that throughout the years, I went with my guys because they were just more chill and didn't fight over the stupid shit.
12:07And like, I've always been the type of lady that if we're all out at bars and a girl in my group gets more attention than me, I'm happy for you.
12:18You know, that's your attention.
12:20That's your shine.
12:20Have your moment.
12:21It's okay to not have the spotlight on you all the time.
12:24Like, let other people have their moment.
12:27And I can be supportive of that.
12:29But a lot of girls I ran into can be jealous, catty, and a little bitchy.
12:34And so I started hanging out with guys.
12:36And so I have a bunch of guy friends from grade school, high school, college.
12:42I've heard stories about their scorecard history.
12:46You know, I was the honorary, you know, the girl in the group.
12:51And for all the years they've known me, I'm the auntie.
12:54You know, I love you as friends.
12:57I see you as my brothers.
12:58I see you as my cousins.
12:59But that's it.
13:01Some of them have kind of been getting squirrely on me lately.
13:05You know, you being such a good mom to my kids.
13:07Like, no, I'm not called to do that.
13:10And I just find it to be a little weird.
13:12And they know that I want to be auntie.
13:16And I've had to really start distancing myself from them, some of them, because I'm not the one, the two, or the three.
13:23Like, no, I don't know what's gotten into them, but no.
13:28Especially some of my horoscopes and terror really talk about, you're such a catch today and you're this, you're that.
13:33And I'm like, uh-huh.
13:34It's not about what I look like.
13:36It's about doing what's best for me at this stage in my life and for the rest of my life.
13:41And then some, and they know, or should know, I'm your sister.
13:50I'm friends with their exes.
13:52We have history.
13:54We go back years.
13:55I'm drinking buddies with your auntie.
13:56There's no way.
13:58So, I'll be right back.
14:03To continue, I've had the Come to Jesus meeting with several of my guy friends.
14:09I said, listen, I love love for others, but I'm not her.
14:14I wish you the best of luck and love, but I ain't the one, the two, the third.
14:19I ain't the fourth, the fifth, sixth.
14:21So, I'm your friend.
14:23I'm the person that has taken shots at your grandma and your auntie.
14:26We've buried friends together.
14:28We've had too much history.
14:29Uh-uh.
14:30Noob.
14:31And so, I think I'm going to start, like, with my survival guide advice.
14:37Number one, like, if you have infertility issues, if you're a parent that needs to vent, or you're
14:46somebody like me who is child-free, I just think we need to all support each other in
14:52our journeys, no matter what it looks like to other people.
14:55I just hate how people, we rip each other's heads off, and we try to say, oh, our way of
15:04life is better than this, and our way is the best.
15:07And no, you do you.
15:09You do what works best for you.
15:11If you want kids, I want it for you.
15:13But if somebody in your life don't want kids, you need to support, you need to support that
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