00:14hi y'all so yes I do cursing this and I think I know it's a hair out of place
00:19and I think I said
00:20some things wrong like made some mistakes with some words so we just want to go with it thank
00:26you for watching I always like to put the little warning up front if you don't want to hear me
00:30curse don't watch thank you hi my name is Alicia and if this is your first time visiting my channel
00:43welcome so we got a bunch of bugs today I'm repping a Ferris State esports so today is September 10th
00:552023 I'm filming these videos back to back to back today is world suicide prevention day
01:04and I also want to take the time to honor my friends that passed away from suicide I miss you
01:09all every single day of my life and I can't wait to see you again and I want to make
01:15this video
01:16because I have a list of topics that I'm going to be filming back to back so you're going to
01:23be seeing
01:23this same shirt same little necklace and you're going to be hearing a bunch of bugs so this video
01:31is I don't care about views likes attention or approval but there's there's two things that are
01:39more important to me than being seen being approved the views on my youtube channel the attention being
01:48seen being liked or fitting in the two things that are more important to me is my friends and family
01:57members mental health on world suicide prevention day car oh my goodness on world suicide prevention day
02:08like I was just talking with some family members and friends the past couple weeks and their mental
02:17health and their self-care means more to me than being seen than me getting views on my youtube videos
02:27and all that jazz I feel more called to look out for their mental health and me fitting in or
02:36me being
02:37liked and I take that more seriously nowadays since I've had so many friends pass away from suicide
02:47I'm called to be a part of the village as an auntie not a mom so when they told me
02:52I couldn't have
02:53kids I was like well that's fine I will find other ways to take part of villages as an auntie
03:01I want to
03:02look out for my mom you know my cousins who are moms my friends were moms my family members who
03:09are moms I
03:09I want to look out for their mental health more than me being a mom suicide prevention
03:18um mom suicide prevention postpartum depression postpartum psychosis those causes means more to me
03:28than me being a parent so I made a promise to my friends that passed away from suicide I said
03:35listen I can't
03:35save you anymore and I'm sorry I didn't notice anything and I will do the things that I will
03:45look out for my friends and my family members that are still alive their mental health because when
03:51you have it happen to you over and over and over again it starts to um weigh on you and
03:59you're like
03:59down like are you being punished for something and I'm just gonna be really honest there's still a
04:05stigma um when I start to say hey listen this is too much I am not a mental health professional
04:14here
04:14I'm just a friend I had people make fun of me talk about me talk about you're not wanted you're
04:20lying
04:21and so there's definitely still a stigma and I feel called to look out for my friends and family
04:31members mental health more than being accepted fitting in or being liked and I will be right back
04:45all righty it cut me off so I'm going to be really honest um my friends suicides have really
04:52adversely affected my life and how people treated me at different periods wasn't so nice um I had
05:00people tell me you know you're attention seeking you're not wanted why are you expecting me to help you
05:08treating me mean turning people against me and see at that point I said you know what I get now
05:16why
05:17my friends that passed away didn't want to seek out help because there's still a stigma and I'm one
05:25of those type of people that I don't like to ask for help because I've had people use things against
05:30me so many different times in my life I said you know what Alicia we're going to have to approach
05:35life
05:35different everyone to do things different and while I'm not saying I don't trust anyone it's very hard
05:42for me to trust people and so now that I'm kind of like in my own little bubble and I've
05:46found ways to
05:48be successful on my own this is where I'm going to stay for a bit and I just want to
05:56be the person you
05:59know the auntie that looks out for my friends and my family members mental health in ways that people
06:06didn't look out for me and I feel that's like my calling in life so that's the first thing I
06:13don't
06:13care about being seen I don't care about approval I don't care about fitting in I don't care about
06:19being liked I don't care if my youtube videos only get one view or two views my friends and my
06:26family
06:27members mental health means more to me than getting approval or fitting in so I'm going to do a lot
06:35of
06:35things behind the scenes and I'm going to do a lot of low-key auntie things and a lot of
06:41things on the
06:41download and nobody has to know because I made that promise to my friends that passed away like I want
06:50to
06:52help my friends and family members as much as I can so so when I mean keeping on download I'm
06:58somebody who likes to give without expectations I don't care about recognition I don't care about
07:04oh my gosh where they get to get from I think too many people give with strings attached they have
07:12ulterior motives they're looking to get something from people all the time they're hanging around people
07:17just to get something off of them and I'm just not that way I like to give without strings and
07:22if I
07:23can do it I'll do it if I can I can't so that's what I mean by being a um
07:27behind the scenes auntie
07:29I'm not looking for credit I'm not looking to be seen but I just want to look out for my
07:36family
07:37members and friends mental health especially nowadays like right now like I've seen it close up
07:46I've seen um too many friends pass away from suicide and mental health means a lot to me and is
07:54very
07:54very very important to me so that's what I feel called to do just look out for my people as
08:02much
08:02as I can just a finishing job so that's the first thing but I think the second thing is um
08:11trust trust
08:14and loyalty is more important to me than going viral than fitting in than being liked than being
08:22seen or getting credit growing up I could not trust a lot of people there's a lot of backstabbing going
08:28on and a lot of gossiping only thing I ever wanted growing up was to be able to trust so
08:33if I tell somebody
08:35something and it gets back to me that's it you know I'm getting too old for the stupid shit of
08:43the gossiping and the jealousy like I feel like being jealous of people you can't be happy you
08:50know learn how to appreciate your own gifts and talents and um be grateful for the things you have
08:55but I mean this like if I can't trust you I mean I will wish you the best but I
09:02will cut you out
09:03quicker nowadays because trust and loyalty is everything to me and if I come across somebody
09:10who can keep their mouth shut when I tell them something that's amazing and like I provide the
09:16same in return you tell me something it's not going anywhere um I will not you know share your secret
09:22because somebody gave me a snicker bar literally I had an old buddy years years years ago I told her
09:28something and somebody gave her a snicker bar and she shared the secret and I'm like I'm not important
09:36to you obviously so trust and loyalty means the world to me so how long do we got I think
09:47I'm going
09:48to go ahead and cut this video short rest in peace to all my friends that passed away from suicide
09:54I think about you all the time I don't talk about it every day because I don't like to draw
09:59attention
09:59to myself but I think about you every day and I hope that I make you proud by doing all
10:06the stuff I'm
10:06doing forgive me for all the bad stuff I do because I just miss you and I wish you were
10:11still around
10:12but anyways I'm gonna let y'all go I'll talk to you guys later bye
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