- 6 months ago
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00:00Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:00Ah, anything for me?
01:17No.
01:18Where did you spring from?
01:19Oh, well, I've been following you since the bus stop.
01:21Oh, why didn't you say something?
01:22Well, then I would have had to walk beside you, you know, and I was enjoying the view from
01:25the rack.
01:26Sex mania.
01:26Well, there's not a lot of you, Chrissy, but you move it very nicely.
01:29Oh, there it goes again.
01:30Shut up.
01:35Shut up.
01:36Honestly, all you ever think about is, hey, the door's open.
01:39Yeah, well, Jo's most probably is.
01:40No, she isn't.
01:41I left her at the office.
01:43Wait a minute.
01:44There have been a lot of break-ins around here lately.
01:46Oh, come on, Chrissy.
01:49What do you mean?
01:50Well, that young couple at 29, they were done twice.
01:52Young couple?
01:53They're both blokes.
01:54I don't think burglars care about your sex life.
01:56True, true.
01:57They might still be in there.
01:58Look, we don't know if there is anybody in there, do we?
02:00Well, then you won't mind going in to find out.
02:02No, I didn't say that.
02:03Oh.
02:05They?
02:05What, you think they might be more than one?
02:07Oh, go on.
02:10Have they made much of a mess?
02:12Well, it's difficult to tell the way we leave the flat.
02:15Right, Charlie, Bill, you wait outside.
02:20Right, take the muzzle off the Alsatian.
02:22Bill.
02:25I'll go first.
02:26With a bit of luck, if they've got any sense, they'll make a run for him.
02:29All right, there's nobody here.
02:37Oh.
02:40Right, look, nobody, all right?
02:43Try the bathroom.
02:50Aha!
02:51So, there you are.
02:53Pull up your truss and come on out.
02:54Nobody!
03:02That's very funny.
03:03Look, they might be in the bedroom.
03:04Well, go and have a look.
03:05Well, aren't you coming?
03:06Certainly, I'll come in the bedroom with you.
03:08I'd rather face the burglar.
03:09Just ask him if he takes you, will you please?
03:15The rent.
03:16The rent!
03:21Oh, no.
03:22Robbie, somebody has been here.
03:25The transistor radio's gone.
03:26A month's rent, a month's rent, 80 quid.
03:28What?
03:28We left it here this morning.
03:29We didn't.
03:30Oh, didn't we?
03:31No, I mean, we didn't, did we?
03:32Yes, we did.
03:33I left it under the rent book on the dresser, and it's gone.
03:35Look, are you sure?
03:36Look, try the tea caddy.
03:40Nothing.
03:41Nothing?
03:42But I bought half a pound last week.
03:43There's tea in it, but no money.
03:47Jo, Jo.
03:47What?
03:48Now, listen, you were the last to leave this morning.
03:49Yeah.
03:49Did you, by any chance, put the rent money in a safe place?
03:52Yeah.
03:53Great.
03:54Thank God for that.
03:56And in the rent book on the dresser.
03:59We'll have to phone the police.
04:09George, do you mind not jogging my elbow?
04:12I'd have a smile right up to me ears.
04:15I'm trying to comb me hair, aren't I?
04:16Oh, all right, go on, take it.
04:20Yes, but it's about time.
04:24Oh, changing your style, are you?
04:29It always used to be three ears to the right and two to the left.
04:31Carcasm goes right over my head.
04:36Hmm, pity your hair doesn't.
04:39Hey, listen, what are you getting at me for?
04:41What have I done?
04:42Nothing, George.
04:43Absolutely nothing.
04:44For weeks, nothing.
04:46Yeah, well, I haven't been feeling myself, have I?
04:50Oh, I wouldn't know, George.
04:54Shall I take the umbrella out with us?
04:56Yeah, well, we're only going to the pub.
04:58Anyway, I think it's stopped raining.
04:59Yes, it has.
05:02Hello, there's a panda car outside.
05:05What?
05:05And a couple of coppers on the doorstep.
05:07The police?
05:08Aye, the telly licence.
05:10Oh.
05:16Come to the telly.
05:18What is that?
05:18Oh, I defund.
05:23Oh, good evening.
05:26That too?
05:27Yeah, the two.
05:28Oh, yes, the first floor.
05:31Well, what have they been up to?
05:33It's a vice squad, is it?
05:35Well, I'll give evidence.
05:36Just a routine inquiry, sir.
05:38You are?
05:39A roper?
05:40Yes, sir, I'm the landlord.
05:42If there's any way in which I can help,
05:44because, I mean, I do watch special brands every week.
05:48No, no, I don't.
05:51Well, I do.
05:53I watch it on a neighbour's set,
05:55because we haven't got one.
05:58That's why I didn't bother to get a licence, you see.
06:05...in a set.
06:07Shall we go up, sir,
06:08or do you wish to add anything to your statement?
06:10Oh, no.
06:12Oh, me?
06:12Yes, yes, do go up.
06:13George.
06:19But I was only going to...
06:21Stick your nose in, yes, I know.
06:22You'd barge right in there and miss them, wouldn't you?
06:25Of course I wouldn't.
06:26There's a keyhole.
06:27Oh, George, get out there.
06:28We'll be there about it soon enough.
06:30Go on.
06:30So, there's £80 missing.
06:34Hmm.
06:35Anything else?
06:36Oh, yes, there's a transistor radio.
06:38It's got a silver dial and the volume knob's loose.
06:40I took that to be repaired this morning.
06:42Which Jo took to be repaired this morning,
06:43so that's not missing.
06:44I don't really want a list of the things that aren't missing,
06:46or I'll be here all night, sir.
06:49Do you usually leave your rent money lying about in full view?
06:51No, we usually leave it under the pot.
06:54Pot, miss?
06:54Yes.
06:56Oh, plant pot.
06:57Sir, the doctor, the procedure in town.
06:59Were you sure they got in this way?
07:00Well, it was open when we came in.
07:02Not very wide.
07:03Er, like that.
07:06Oh.
07:08Yes, go on.
07:09You see, we lock this every morning,
07:11so I just don't know how they got in.
07:13Well, er, perhaps this might give us a clue.
07:17Ah, yes.
07:18But that's only for our use.
07:19They may not have known that, miss.
07:22So, the three of you share the flat and so forth, hmm?
07:25Oh, just the flat, not the so forth.
07:27Yes.
07:29And you're sure there's nothing else missing?
07:30Um, no.
07:32Not that I can think of.
07:33No, no, I mean, not missing.
07:34You know, there are always little things we can't find,
07:37you know, small little things like lipstick.
07:39You can't find your lipstick, sir?
07:42No.
07:43Joe or Chris's, they're lipstick.
07:45I mean, odd socks, you know.
07:47But they're not actually missing.
07:49They're lost.
07:50Well, I mean, well, they're not lost,
07:51but I mean, they're somewhere around here,
07:53but we can't find them, you see.
07:55That's not what you meant, is it?
07:58Yes, well, the people downstairs can't have been done.
08:00Otherwise, they would have said so.
08:01What about upstairs, miss?
08:02No, it's empty.
08:04Now, that's interesting.
08:05You think that's significant?
08:07Well, no, but my brother-in-law's looking for somewhere to live.
08:08Are you ready, Bert?
08:12Yes.
08:15Key in the letterbox.
08:17Money in full view.
08:18No insurance.
08:19It's one way of giving to charity, I suppose.
08:21We'll be in trouble.
08:26They were a bit sarky, weren't they?
08:28I mean, there's no need for that.
08:30I mean, even stupid people are entitled to politeness.
08:33They could have taken us down to the station,
08:34made up an identikit picture or something.
08:37Who of?
08:38Well, I don't know.
08:39Well, you don't, do you, until you see it?
08:41You know, I'm sure that young policeman fancied me.
08:45Every time he looked at me, his whistle chain went tight.
08:48I know the type.
08:50Anything you wear will be taken down.
08:52Jo, will you sit down, please?
08:53Now, look, listen.
08:55We have lost this month's rent.
08:57Wrong.
08:58What?
08:58It was last month's rent.
09:00We're already a month's behind.
09:01Oh, God, yeah.
09:02Well, look, we'll just explain to Roper.
09:04I mean, he's a reasonable sort of chap, isn't he?
09:07I mean, you know, he'll understand.
09:10He won't tight-fizzy little twit.
09:12Right.
09:12And he's mean with it.
09:13If he found a plaster, he'd cut himself.
09:17Oh, come on.
09:19He can't be that bad.
09:20We'll just explain.
09:21We've been burgled.
09:22What can he do?
09:23Laugh.
09:23Yeah, and chuck us out.
09:24Yeah, he was bolshy enough last month.
09:28Well, no use sitting around here moping.
09:31Let's go to the pub and mope there.
09:32All right.
09:42Right.
09:43What are we having?
09:44How about half a pint and three straws?
09:46Oh, Chrissie, Chrissie, we're not that broke.
09:47We're just 80 quid in debt.
09:49I mean, look at the country.
09:50It's 20,000 million debt.
09:51You don't see Heath on the small shardlers, do you?
09:53Now, quick, quick.
09:53Now, look, we'll just have to try and raise the money somehow, right?
09:59I mean, maybe sell something.
10:01I've only got one thing worth selling.
10:03I was hoping to keep that until I got married.
10:08What was that?
10:08My grandmother's wedding ring.
10:10Oh, of course.
10:12You know, we have to tell Mr. Roper.
10:14No, as long as Roper thinks we've got the money, he'll only be impatient.
10:17If he finds out we haven't, he'll go spare.
10:19But let's just avoid Roper for a few days until we can...
10:22Hello, Mr. Roper.
10:23Oh, evening.
10:24Hello.
10:24Hello.
10:25Hey.
10:25What were the police doing up at your place then, eh?
10:27Police?
10:28Oh.
10:29Oh, the police.
10:30Oh, you mean Uncle Albert and Uncle Arthur.
10:32Oh, we've had a burglary.
10:36What?
10:36In the flat?
10:37Oh, dear, was anything taken?
10:39Nothing.
10:40No, nothing, right?
10:41Right, right, right, nothing.
10:42How do you know you've been burgled?
10:44Oh, um, Uncle Albert and Uncle Arthur told us.
10:49Right away, about the rent.
10:52Look, look, it's nearly eight o'clock.
10:53As late as that, and I wanted an early night.
10:55Well, I have enjoyed our little chat.
10:56Mustache, bye.
10:57Oh, it can't be your air cream, Julie.
11:07What did I tell you?
11:09No sympathy.
11:09All he could think about was his rent.
11:11Yeah.
11:11Yeah, well, you can't really blame him.
11:13He's just one of nature's vultures.
11:14Listen, have you got your key?
11:15No, me neither.
11:16Oh, not to worry.
11:17We'll use the one on the end of the year.
11:21Do you want your egg's sunny side up?
11:23How come two black sooty lumps have a sunny side?
11:26Oh, come on.
11:26How do you want them?
11:27Cooked by somebody else.
11:29What's that?
11:31Oh, a brillo pad.
11:33Must have dropped in.
11:36I'll have cornflakes.
11:38Look, we can't waste eggs.
11:39We've got to raise £80 today.
11:41Yeah, I've been thinking about that.
11:42Listen, we, well, one of us,
11:44could try and get a bank overdraft.
11:46I've already got one.
11:47They're not much fun.
11:48I can't get one.
11:49Post office don't give overdrafts.
11:51Here.
11:52Oh, right.
11:53Well, you know, I suppose, uh...
11:55I could try and get one.
11:58Hey!
11:59That was your breakfast.
12:01But it didn't look like food.
12:04I think I'll stick to cornflakes.
12:06What's the matter with your leg?
12:08Oh, I've just broke it in three places,
12:09but it's okay.
12:10I've taken an aspirin.
12:12Did you do it climbing the drainpipe?
12:13No, I did it falling off the drainpipe.
12:15Please don't forget your key again.
12:17I've got a pig in my bedroom.
12:23Did you know that, Chrissie?
12:25No, a money pig.
12:26Why don't we see how much cash we've actually got?
12:29Actually, I've got a jar full of hapenies.
12:31Well, it's a start.
12:32Go and get it.
12:32All right.
12:33I know I haven't got much.
12:36I blew my life savings on a packet of crisps.
12:41What's string worth these days?
12:43Well, not much.
12:44I'm afraid the boom days of 1959 will never return.
12:47Well, I've been saving up to buy a car.
12:49It's a slow process.
12:52You know, I think I'm going to have to break this.
12:54Wouldn't it be easier just to take the cork out of its bottom?
12:57Oh, yeah.
12:59Hang on a second.
13:05Oh, I thought I had more than that.
13:08I owe you three pounds, Chrissie.
13:11Oh, well, it was your birthday.
13:13I had to buy you a present.
13:16Listen, not to worry.
13:18Listen, with that little lot there and that little lot there,
13:21we should have quite a piddling amount.
13:24I'll have to try and get a bank overdraft.
13:27Listen, I'll pop into the bank at my lunchtime, okay?
13:32Oh, morning.
13:33Oh, yeah, about the rent.
13:34Oh, thank you, boss.
13:35I'll see you later. Bye.
13:39Of course, it could be an imbrication.
13:47Do sit down.
13:53An overdraft, you say, Mr...
13:55Trip.
13:57Our trip.
13:57Robin Tripp, two peas.
14:02Jenkins, could you fetch me Mr. Tripp's file?
14:04Our trip.
14:05Two peas.
14:07I must say, I think your bank commercials on the cinema,
14:10you know, the funniest of the lot.
14:12I laugh every time I see them.
14:13Yes, how much exactly?
14:14Oh, quite a lot.
14:14Sometimes my ribs start aching with the pain.
14:16Money, Mr. Tripp.
14:20Money, yes.
14:21Well, 80 quid, 80 pounds.
14:26You're probably aware that we normally require some form of security.
14:30What, you mean life insurance policies, stocks and shares, property deals?
14:35Yes, yes, that sounds more than adequate.
14:36But I haven't got any.
14:39Ah-ha.
14:41Well, then perhaps you could give me some idea for what the money is to be used for.
14:44Yes, well, I'm living with these two girls.
14:47Yes, well, that would be expensive.
14:50Come in.
14:50I'm afraid I can't find any trace of Mr. Tripp's file, sir.
14:58Really, Jenkins, our customers are entitled to expect a little more efficiency than this.
15:02Perhaps I...
15:02Will you go and look again, thoroughly?
15:05I'm sorry, Mr. Tripp, I can't think how this happened.
15:08Maybe it's because I haven't got an account here.
15:15Yes.
15:16Well, I apologise, Jenkins.
15:19Hmm.
15:21Perhaps I should have mentioned this earlier.
15:23No, no, it's my fault.
15:26It hadn't occurred to me that you'd be asking for an overdraft on an account you hadn't got.
15:31It's a loan, really, isn't it?
15:33I mean, I could open an account, couldn't I?
15:35Yes, you could.
15:36For a minimum deposit of one pound.
15:39Oh, well, I've got two pounds.
15:41Two pounds?
15:44In, uh, hatens.
15:50We didn't have much luck either.
15:56Asked my boss for a sub, he turned his hearing aid off.
15:58He's a drag.
16:00He chases you round the desk and then he doesn't know what to do when he catches you.
16:03Listen, I've just had a thought.
16:05We mustn't despair.
16:07Yes?
16:08What is it?
16:09Well, that's it.
16:10We mustn't despair.
16:11Oh, of course.
16:12Well, I mean, come on between the three of us.
16:13We've nearly got four quid.
16:15What use is four pounds?
16:17We need 80.
16:1820 to one.
16:20Rank outsider.
16:21I've got it straight from the stable boy.
16:23Car lose, he said.
16:2420 to one.
16:24What, is that a horse, Jim?
16:26Yeah.
16:26Tea Biscuit, 20 to one.
16:28Rank outsider.
16:29Which race?
16:30Haydok Park, 2.15.
16:32Haydok.
16:34Romped home, four lengths.
16:37Romped?
16:38Yeah, won myself a nice little packet.
16:40Quite a few quid.
16:42Jim, Jim, I was wondering, actually, if you could, you know, give me a small loan.
16:46How much?
16:4880.
16:49Well, since it's you, here, I'll tell you what.
16:55Take a quid.
16:57Uh, no.
16:58No, don't bother about the change.
16:59No, no, no, that's not what I meant, Jim.
17:00Yeah, but you said you wanted to borrow some.
17:02No, no, oh, never mind, it doesn't matter.
17:05Evening, Jim.
17:05Evening.
17:06Yeah, I'll have two large gin and tonics, please.
17:08Give me gin and tonics.
17:09Oh, and a packet of bacon-flavoured crisps, please.
17:12Good evening, Mr. Tripp.
17:14Like a drink.
17:15Evening.
17:16Oh, I'm sorry, about the rent.
17:18Ah, yes.
17:19Well, I was going to, to, er, sorry, the shop.
17:23Sorry.
17:23Hello.
17:24Goodbye.
17:24Hey, hey, hey.
17:25Hey.
17:26Hey.
17:26Perhaps it's just you, George.
17:35Get your elbow out of the ashtray.
17:38New suit, is it?
17:40Oh, yeah.
17:40Oh, thanks to you.
17:42Yeah, you had a quid each way on tea biscuits.
17:44George, I think you owe Jim a drink.
17:47What?
17:48Oh, yes.
17:49It's all right.
17:49What's up?
17:51Have half a pint on me.
17:54Oh, dear.
17:57I'm fed up having to run every time we see the ropers.
18:01Oh, they're in my other trousers.
18:03Oh, we should have put it back on the end of the string.
18:05Listen, that's the first place a burglar looks.
18:07Never mind.
18:07I put one here.
18:10Chrissie, and that's the second place.
18:11So, honestly, our first chance is to leave the door wide open and hope they think it's a trap.
18:19Well, I've been trying to put it off, but I've decided the only thing to do is phone my parents, try and borrow the 80 quid.
18:24Oh, no, we can't let you do that, Chrissie.
18:25I mean, after all, it is our responsibility as well.
18:27She knows what she's doing.
18:28You're right.
18:29Listen, try and screw them for 100.
18:30We can have a night out.
18:31I'm not sure I'll even be able to...
18:33Hello?
18:34Oh, hello, Mother.
18:35How are you all?
18:37Yeah.
18:37Yes, I know I haven't phoned you for ages, but...
18:41No.
18:43No, of course I don't want to borrow any money.
18:46Not much.
18:50You know that young policeman who was looking at me?
18:52What, you mean the one with the Randy whistle chain?
18:54Yeah.
18:56Well, it wasn't lust.
18:58It was suspicion.
18:59No, no.
19:00Well, I mean, as far as they're concerned, you know, it could have been one of us who took the money.
19:03Ridiculous.
19:03Yeah.
19:05I suppose.
19:07What do you mean?
19:08Well, I mean, you know, one of us by accident most probably sort of could have put the money away, hid it away, you know, and then, you know, by accident sort of forgot all about it.
19:16Do you think it was me?
19:17Of course not.
19:19Do you think it was Chrissie?
19:21Good Lord, no.
19:21Well, do you think it was you?
19:24No.
19:26No, no, no, no.
19:27I mean, I don't trust any of us, you know, so, but I am not going to allow the fact that I didn't do it to prejudice myself.
19:32Oh, what a tale of work.
19:34The roof needs repairing.
19:35Dad's down with his back and the wheels come off the tractor.
19:37Oh, so you couldn't borrow any money?
19:39I promise to send them a fiver a week as soon as I'm straight.
19:41Robin has a new theory.
19:45He thinks it might be an inside job.
19:46No, no, no, I didn't say that.
19:48Oh, I see what you mean, though.
19:50Roper.
19:51Roper?
19:51No, I mean, I know he's a bit of a pain, you know, but he's hardly like...
19:55He was wearing a new suit.
19:58And he bought a large gin.
19:59Yeah, but he's hard...
20:00No, two.
20:01Two large gins.
20:03Do you think it could have been Roper?
20:04I do if you do.
20:05And I do if you do.
20:06If it's Roper.
20:07Right.
20:08Ah, at last.
20:09Now, listen, about the rent money.
20:11Excuse me, Chrissie.
20:13I apologise, Mr Roper, if I'm wrong, but I think you took it.
20:16Yes.
20:16Obviously, we can't prove it.
20:18What?
20:19That's what I've been trying to tell you when I came to Men's Attack yesterday.
20:22Well, why didn't you sign the rent book?
20:23Well, I did sign the rent book.
20:34Nice cup of tea, Mr Roper.
20:36It's a dance.
20:37That'll be very nice.
20:39There is just one other thing.
20:42What about this month's rent?
20:44Cheers.
20:44Cheers.
20:45Cheers.
20:48Cheers.
20:48Cheers.
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