- 2 days ago
Dave and Chuck the Freak got an email from someone who is having sex with their friends Aunt, Ryan loses it after seeing a photo of her.
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00:00Chuck, what are you doing now?
00:01I've been meaning to start a letter campaign to bring back Pumpkin Spice 5-Hour Energy.
00:07Save your ink! It's already back!
00:10You're welcome.
00:11But you didn't do anything!
00:13Didn't I?
00:24This guy says, okay, I love your show and I need your help.
00:29I'm wondering if it's time to tell my best friend about me and his hot aunt.
00:37There's a lot of hot aunt porn these days, just so you know.
00:40Is there?
00:40Yeah.
00:42Over the summer, I was invited over to his family's house for a barbecue.
00:46And that's when I met her.
00:47We shared drinks, we really hit it off.
00:50To the point where we ended up hooking up in one of the upstairs bathrooms.
00:55Since then, we've continued to meet up in a purely sexual way.
01:00And have tried to keep it quiet.
01:04I guess though, a few inside jokes we've shared on social media has my friend Curious.
01:10What the hell are you doing, dude?
01:12You're an idiot.
01:13You're a moron.
01:13The fact that you even friended her on social media is stupid.
01:16What are you doing?
01:18Now he's starting to ask questions.
01:20I need to talk to her, of course, to see how she wants to handle it.
01:25But I'm wondering if it's time to share my little secret about me and his mom's sister.
01:31Do you want to stop banging her?
01:32Because this is the end.
01:33What would you guys do?
01:35This is the end.
01:37You are at the precipice of ending this whole thing.
01:41So either you're fine with that, or you need to learn to shut the hell up.
01:48Like, you gotta shut up.
01:49How old is the aunt?
01:50I know, there's no ages here.
01:51You just think of aunt.
01:52I know, I think of my sweet aunts that I can't even imagine them being sexual, never mind
01:58with any of my friends.
01:59Oh my God.
02:01I can't.
02:02My sweet old Irish aunts.
02:04What's she up to?
02:05Okay.
02:06Shh.
02:08Shh.
02:09Shh.
02:10No.
02:11Oh my God.
02:12No.
02:12Oh my God.
02:13Don't.
02:14That would be the ultimate thing to annoy Dave.
02:16If Chuck got with my aunt.
02:17Annoy him, that's the ultimate thing to annoy him.
02:20I would run him over with my cousin.
02:22Only Chuck.
02:23Only Chuck could think that way.
02:25I would run him over with my vehicle.
02:26Chuck, can I speak to you outside for a second?
02:28Oh, why do I have to meet outside?
02:29Just take your time.
02:30I'll meet you out there.
02:31Why is your car on?
02:34It was worth it.
02:36I'm laughing the whole time.
02:37You would too.
02:38It's a step up from just getting a song stuck in his head.
02:41Oh yeah.
02:42I think my aunt, it's 52 steps up.
02:46Yeah.
02:47It's been a leap.
02:48You know, your aunt and I decided we're going to come over for this weekend.
02:53Chuck's his new uncle.
02:54Oh, my God.
02:55You have to call me Uncle Chuck.
02:56Call me Uncle Chuck.
02:57Go to your room, Dave.
02:58He already kind of calls me Uncle Chuck around his kids, so.
03:01That's with my kids.
03:02This would be you.
03:06Dave, listen to your aunt.
03:09Chuck's Dave's new uncle.
03:11Oh, wow.
03:12Look at a twist.
03:12Chuck's your uncle.
03:14That's a nightmare.
03:16Stepdad Chuck is the worst, but Uncle Chuck is also.
03:19Yeah, that'd be wild, because I'd have to turn your dad, you know?
03:22Well, I mean, not now.
03:25Jesus, God, I didn't think you were going to have a gay affair with my dad, son of a bitch.
03:30Oh, that's the worst, though.
03:32Honestly, of all of them.
03:33Oh, that'd be the worst.
03:34I mean, that's the worst.
03:35Chuck's helping my dad.
03:36That's it.
03:37That's a bullet to the head.
03:38Yeah, well, I think it's murder-suicide probably at that point.
03:43Like, I don't know how you go on.
03:44If I did that to you, I don't know how you keep living.
03:47Don't talk about Dave's dad like that.
03:48I won't, I won't.
03:50Like, you know.
03:52Dave's dad, he's too busy right now.
03:54Okay, let's not talk about Dave's dad.
03:58That's okay.
03:59Yeah.
04:01Anyway, what should he do?
04:02I'll let you know if my mom starts banging anybody.
04:05I'll bang your mom right down.
04:06Sneak on in and bang your mom.
04:07Do it.
04:08Help my mom out a bit.
04:09All right.
04:10Jesus.
04:11I'm going to get off the rails here.
04:12I don't know what to say.
04:14If you bang my aunt, I will bang your mom.
04:16Okay.
04:18Okay.
04:19Peace.
04:21My mom.
04:23My mom would probably do it.
04:24I mean, I've already got a second base with your aunt, so I could almost.
04:27That's so true.
04:28That's so true.
04:29Whoa.
04:30So true.
04:32Anyway, what should he do?
04:34Hmm.
04:35What are we talking about?
04:36Should he tell his buddy he's banging his aunt?
04:39No.
04:40Shut up, dude.
04:40No, even though his friend seems like wondering why they're like.
04:45Maybe cool that down, too.
04:47Yeah, you got to.
04:47Well, that's what he's doing.
04:48He's ruining everything right now with the aunt, too, because she's, you know, she doesn't
04:53want this out.
04:53No way.
04:54No.
04:55So get it off social media.
04:56Quit being a young, dumb dude.
04:57You know what you do?
04:58Like, literally, you just say no.
05:01You say no every single time you say no, and then you either decide, like, I'm saying
05:06no to this, and I'm never doing it again.
05:08Like, it's done.
05:09We're done.
05:10But you never, ever say that you did it.
05:13Okay, just in a weird alternate universe, if my sweet little Aunt Dan came to me and
05:18said, David, I'm in love with Chuck.
05:22I might be like.
05:23Can't blame her.
05:24Okay.
05:25I guess.
05:26Who am I?
05:26Right?
05:27What?
05:28If you.
05:28Dave.
05:28She's been a widow for years.
05:30You would not believe what she is into.
05:32Why do you have to use your own people as examples?
05:36Is it worse?
05:36Yeah.
05:37Does age make a difference?
05:39Like, no.
05:39I think so.
05:40I think it wouldn't be weird, but if you're in your 20s and you're banging my aunt, then
05:44I'm like, whoa, dude.
05:46Remember when you weren't sure if your Aunt Anne was into shaving?
05:49Oh, my God.
05:50See?
05:50And then he ruins it.
05:51She is.
05:51I was like, almost okay.
05:53Now.
05:54Okay.
05:57Make examples personal, dude.
05:59Yep.
06:00That's amazing.
06:01So, yes, don't say anything.
06:04And just hope it stays under the radar, but they're not going to end it.
06:07You know what your aunt wants.
06:08They'll end it eventually.
06:10Give me something.
06:11Keep banging that aunt, dude.
06:11Do you have a crowbar?
06:13Keep banging the aunt.
06:15Keep banging the aunt.
06:15If he finds out, though, a friendship's done.
06:17I mean, but honestly.
06:18I mean, look what it's doing to these two, and it didn't even really happen.
06:21Yeah, exactly.
06:22Yeah, it's tearing them apart.
06:24Tearing us apart.
06:26No, honestly, though, like, it's going to, whenever this comes out, it's going to ruin the friendship.
06:31So, you've already taken that step, so you might as well just shut up.
06:35Wait a second.
06:37What?
06:37Wait a second.
06:38I'm taking a little something.
06:41I'm not going on.
06:46In the text message, we got this.
06:49Yo, this is my story, but I didn't email it to you guys.
06:54My buddy, I think, emailed you to get me to confess.
06:58This has to be my buddy, Dave.
07:00I'm worried his aunt already told him, and he's trying to get me to out myself.
07:04Well, you just did.
07:05What the F?
07:05Why are you saying this?
07:07Oh, yeah, you did.
07:08Why?
07:09Why did you just?
07:10Maybe you didn't want me to read that.
07:10Maybe.
07:11Why did you read?
07:12Maybe you didn't want me to read that.
07:15Why did you read that and then?
07:17Because I read it.
07:18He reads every text.
07:19Don't text Rob Burgundy.
07:21Yeah.
07:22It was a bad move.
07:23That's his fault.
07:24That's all his fault.
07:26Oh, no, no.
07:28Okay, well, good luck.
07:32Good luck.
07:34All the best.
07:36That's diabolical.
07:37Hold on a second.
07:38That's diabolical.
07:39That is.
07:41I think Dave's up to something.
07:44I email.
07:45You know he listens to.
07:47I email on a Friday when I know they're going to do this segment.
07:53And guaranteed.
07:55And then I get you to talk about it.
07:57It's appointment listening.
07:59Yeah.
07:59That's it.
08:03And but it's really not the person involved.
08:06And now that person was dumb enough.
08:09Sorry.
08:11To text Dave.
08:13Sorry, man.
08:15But that's it.
08:16Wish you all the best.
08:17Yeah.
08:18Don't know what to say.
08:19Yeah.
08:19Well, if you're texting, let's see the end.
08:22Yeah, right.
08:23Yeah, like this room does something to me.
08:25I don't.
08:26I come in here.
08:27All of a sudden, I just want to see James.
08:28Yeah, it's horny town in there.
08:30It's that pervy seat.
08:31Yeah, it must be the seat.
08:32Jason's pervy seat.
08:33Well, okay.
08:35What level ant is worth throwing away like a friendship with your buddy?
08:40You know what I mean?
08:41Like it has to be pretty good.
08:44Pretty good.
08:45Yeah.
08:47Yeah.
08:47Picture it didn't happen.
08:48You're right.
08:48It would be very sad if it was like.
08:51Let's see this hot ant.
08:52Probably don't want to see.
08:53You're right.
08:54I don't.
08:56You know.
08:57Or if you're really brave.
08:58Call us.
08:59I have a feeling she's a good one.
09:01Oh.
09:01Yeah.
09:02I have a feeling she's hot.
09:02Well, you say like hot ant in the title of the email.
09:05Yeah.
09:05This isn't the same ant that's into Chuck.
09:07No.
09:09No.
09:11My ants are different.
09:12Yeah.
09:16Do we have breaking news?
09:17Do we have breaking news?
09:18The hot ant.
09:22Can I see?
09:22Yep.
09:23Coming around.
09:23Surprise, surprise.
09:26Surprise, surprise.
09:30That's about what I expected.
09:33How's it going, everybody?
09:35That fits.
09:36That makes a lot of sense.
09:38Hi, ant.
09:41Right?
09:41Doesn't it make a lot of sense?
09:42It does make a lot of sense.
09:43It does.
09:44It does.
09:44Let me see one more time.
09:48Yeah.
09:49Yep.
09:50Like an ant that would do that.
09:51Oh, yeah.
09:52You know what I mean?
09:53Yeah.
09:53An effing ant?
09:54Mm-hmm.
09:55Yeah.
09:56Yeah.
09:57Should he shut up immediately?
09:59Immediately.
10:00Immediately.
10:01But also, make sure you're not the only friend getting a little piece of this one.
10:05Man, that took a point.
10:07Oh, wow.
10:08Yeah, I mean, you never know.
10:09And high five the other ones who are.
10:11Let's go.
10:12Oh, this is awesome.
10:14Knew she was going to be high.
10:19Big moves, bud.
10:21I'm a sucker for those photos.
10:23Oh, yeah.
10:23It's not at all what you'd think of when you think ant, though.
10:27Right?
10:27Like, you think.
10:28Well, no.
10:29I understand.
10:30Yeah.
10:31No, you understand.
10:32That's somebody's ant, obviously.
10:33But like every once in a while, you have like friends.
10:37And then and they're married and then like all of a sudden, like one of their sisters shows
10:43up and they are smoking and they are smoking and it's like, whoa, like you don't expect it.
10:50You know.
10:53Well, I can understand how a certain guy would fall right into that spell.
10:57She looks like the type that could suck a golf ball through a garden hose.
11:02Let her try.
11:04Show me.
11:05Just like you take it off the necklace.
11:07We'll do it back.
11:08Back to back.
11:12I'm sorry, Lisa.
11:13I'm not like that.
11:14Oh, you don't have to.
11:15Please don't.
11:18Don't apologize at all.
11:19Are you kidding?
11:20Lisa makes you feel weird.
11:22No, no.
11:22She doesn't try to.
11:23It's just we have a high standard.
11:25I just don't know what to say, so I'm quiet.
11:27But no, I don't feel that way.
11:29I've heard it all.
11:29Trust me.
11:30Oh, I know that.
11:31It's okay.
11:33Yeah.
11:34But that's awesome.
11:35Hold on.
11:36How do you print?
11:36How do you print?
11:38What are you going to put it up in your office?
11:40Yeah, I'm going to put something up there.
11:41A black and white photo of honey.
11:43His aunt, I mean.
11:44Oh, my God.
11:45Streaky.
11:46Streaky printing.
11:47Yeah, I've been there.
11:48Oh, well.
11:49You know, yeah, to that guy.
11:53Shut up.
11:53Shut up.
11:54Really shut up.
11:55Shut up.
11:55Shut up.
11:56Shut up.