- 5 minutes ago
The trouble starts when Del persuades the local bus company to hand over one of their open-top buses in exchange for Rodney working as a Trainee Nocturnal Security Officer - part of their latest company, Trotter Watch.
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00:03Stick a bunny in me pocket
00:06I'll fetch the suitcase from the van
00:09Cause if you are the best ones
00:12But you don't ask questions
00:14Then brother, I'm your man
00:17Cause where it all comes from is a mystery
00:21It's like the changing of the seasons
00:23And the tides of the sea
00:25But is the one who's driving me berserk
00:29Why do only fours and horses work
00:32La la la la
00:34La la la la la
00:36La la la la
00:45You see, I mean, to me, Janice
00:48Art
00:51You know, art as an art, right
00:54Must by its very nature be self-indulgent, right?
00:59I mean, as I said to David Hockney once
01:02The inherent element in all artistic projects
01:05Should not be one of contemporary mass appeal
01:07But rather one of personal symbolism
01:10Don't you agree, Janice?
01:12I don't know, Rodney
01:15Oh, well, you know, that's why I like talking to you
01:19You're one of the few people who seems to understand me
01:24My brother Don paints, you know
01:26Really?
01:27Yeah, for the council
01:29Oh, no, that is cosmic, Janice
01:31No, really
01:32No, that is cosmic
01:33That's probably why we have the same appreciation
01:36And understanding of true art
01:38I mean, we have an affinity
01:39An aesthetic bond
01:41We are kindred spirits, Janice
01:43Seekers of beauty in a broken, ugly world
01:49Janice?
01:50Yes, Rodney?
01:51Get your bra off
01:54I can't
01:56Well, of course you can
01:57You must live and be free
01:58I can't, Rodney
02:01I'm not wearing one
02:04Oh
02:08Well
02:17Well, not dark in here, are you?
02:19Oh, put him down, Janice
02:21Put him down
02:22You don't know where he's been
02:25Oh, well
02:25Then what have we got going on here?
02:26Oh, I'll have a drop of that
02:27Thanks
02:28Yeah, look
02:29We don't want all this rubbish on, do we, eh?
02:31That's better
02:31Oi, Janice
02:33Do you mind his bruises, won't you?
02:35What bruises?
02:36His bruises
02:36He's covered in them
02:37It's where the girls keep on pushing them away
02:39With ten-foot barge poles
02:42Oh, dear, oh dear
02:43That's better
02:46You're in, are you, Del?
02:48Yes, yes, I'm in, Rodders
02:49Hope you've been behaving yourself
02:51You know, remember what I told you
02:53Not to do it on your own doorstep
02:54We've just been sitting here discussing art, that's all
02:58Do you like art, Del?
02:59Oh, yeah
03:00Del used to be cultural advisor to the Chelsea shed
03:03Yeah, I like art, Janice
03:04I like art, you know
03:05I'm a Renaissance man myself
03:07You know, I like them pictures where the eyes follow you around the room
03:10Last week, down the Pie and Eel shop
03:13Del shook the international art world to its very foundations
03:17By stating, quite openly
03:18That Michelangelo was a Wally brain
03:22Well, he was a Wally brain, wasn't he?
03:24Took him 12 years to paint one ceiling
03:26God, that wouldn't do your brother Donald any good, would it, Janice, eh?
03:29Well, he's on bonus
03:33I do not believe this
03:34I'm going to wake up in a minute
03:35Here, look, I'll tell you another thing while we're about it
03:38You know, some of those artists, you know, they're a bit sick if you ask me
03:41What are you on about now?
03:42Well, look, take a look at this, right
03:44Now, this is a statuette
03:46Of the world-famous Venus the Milo, right?
03:49Now, who but the sick of mind
03:52Would do a sculpture of a disabled person?
03:56Am I right, Janice?
03:57It's a bit sick, isn't it?
03:59There you are, yeah
04:00It wasn't like that originally
04:01No, no, no
04:02This is the product of a twisted imagination, this, Rodney
04:05Yeah, yeah, talking of twisted imaginations
04:07Are you still looking for a job?
04:09What, in this country?
04:10It's three million unemployed
04:12What chance has Rodney gone?
04:13Well, with his big brother looking after him
04:15He's got every chance in the world
04:16Now, take one of your purple hearts, Rodney, because I've got a surprise coming for you
04:20I have managed to secure for you a position with a newly formed security company
04:25Now, they did want a man with previous experience
04:27And as your last job was a milk monitor
04:30I did have a bit of trouble persuading them
04:32But, however, I have managed to swing it for you
04:35Are you putting me on, Dale?
04:37No, definitely, I've got a job for you, Rodney
04:40Hey, that's great, Dale
04:42Yeah, it's all right
04:42You'll start off as a trainee NSO
04:45No!
04:45Oh, yes
04:46And who knows, my son, you know
04:48You know, use your old filbert, keep your nose clean
04:50A couple of years' time, you could end up as a, well, I don't know
04:52A senior NSO
04:54Oh, I will, Dale
04:55I won't let you down, son
04:57What's an NSO?
05:00Oh, don't be a ghost, Janice
05:03What's an NSO?
05:04I don't know they're born, some of them, do they?
05:06That's right
05:09Tell them what an NSO is, Dale
05:12NSO, Janice, is a nocturnal security officer
05:16Yeah, you see, it's a nocturnal security officer
05:18That doesn't have to sound like a night watchman, Dale
05:21It's nothing like a night watchman
05:24I mean, yeah, yeah, you will have to work at night
05:27And will some of my duties include watching?
05:30No, they won't, no
05:31I mean, all you'll have to do is you just have to, you know
05:33You'll, you, you just have to, you
05:37Keep an eye out
05:38What is the name of this recently formed security company, then?
05:43Ah, well, you wouldn't have heard of them
05:44Try me, Dale
05:46Come on, let's have it
05:49It's called
05:51Trotter Watch
05:54Trotter Watch?
05:54Yeah
05:55That's you, isn't it?
05:56I'm working for you, aren't I?
05:57You see, the way I see it, Rodney
05:59Is that crime is a growth industry
06:00So I'm getting in while the going is good
06:02It's a nice regular job
06:04It's got a uniform
06:06Good wages
06:06How good?
06:08We'll talk about that later
06:09First of all, let us try on your uniform, eh?
06:13There, come on, slip into it
06:14There it is
06:15Oh, look at that
06:16Colour suits you, doesn't it, eh?
06:19Yes
06:20Look at that fit
06:22Oh, yeah
06:23Déjà vu
06:24It's like it's made to measure, isn't it?
06:26Yeah, for someone else
06:29Yeah, now, oh, well
06:30Sleeves and that
06:31Well, he'll grow into them
06:32Don't worry about that
06:32Here, let's have a look
06:33That's it
06:34T-W
06:35That's right
06:36Trotter Watch
06:37It could also stand for traffic warden, though
06:40Traffic warden?
06:41Oh, yeah, because it could, yeah
06:42Traffic warden, yeah, yeah, yeah
06:43This is a traffic warden's uniform, innit?
06:45It is not a traffic warden's uniform
06:47You've got me done up as a bloody traffic warden
06:50Oh, good
06:51It is once and for all
06:52It is not a traffic warden's uniform
06:54Now, just trust me, will you?
06:55Yeah, put your cap on
06:59Well?
07:01I look like a traffic warden
07:02I look like a traffic warden
07:04I ain't been well
07:07Oh, don't you look
07:08You look stunning, Rodders
07:09Oh, yeah, look at that
07:11You're admitting authority all over the place
07:13I'm not doing it, Del
07:14I don't want a job
07:16Oh, no, come on, Rodney
07:17You've got to do it
07:18You can't let me down
07:18I gave them your word
07:19Give who my word?
07:20Well, the people down at the Tyler Street Bus and Coach Garage
07:23That's where you're going to be based
07:24No, I'm definitely not doing it, Del
07:26Oh, well, yeah, okay
07:28Well, of course, if you're scared
07:30You could admit it
07:32Come on
07:33Oh, Alemania, dispoir
07:36Janice will understand if your bottler's gone
07:40No, you're scared
07:42Must be joking
07:43Ah, that's the spirit
07:45Now, I want you down there nine o'clock tomorrow night
07:48I'm a stickler for punctuality
07:50All right
07:50Now then, I'm going to bed
07:53Oh, yeah, by the way
07:54Excuse me a minute, Janice
07:56Sorry, Janice
07:56Yeah
07:56Your bondage ropes, they're in the garage, all right
07:59And the granddaddy's washed your whip
08:01And he's put it in the airing cupboard
08:03I don't think it's shrunk
08:05Well, I'll leave you two lovebirds alone
08:08And I shall just say
08:09A Buenos Aires
08:15Janice!
08:16Janice, he was only
08:19You rotten dick, Del
08:28Well, I'll leave you all in your capable hands then, Rogers
08:30Yeah, cheers, Del
08:32You realise this job's going to mess up my love life, don't you?
08:35Right, why?
08:36I've given you every second Sunday off, haven't I?
08:38Yeah, but Janice is hardly going to be happy with that, is she?
08:41I mean, while I'm down here at night, she could be going out with someone else
08:43Now, look, don't worry about that
08:46What do you think I'm all dressed up for like this, eh?
08:50Taking Janice out for a meal
08:51You're taking Janice out?
08:53Of course I am
08:54For your sake
08:56Otherwise, she might be going out with somebody else
08:58Yeah
09:00Yeah
09:03Cheers, Del
09:06But if she's...
09:07Why are you wearing plimsolls?
09:09What?
09:10You see, why are you wearing plimsolls?
09:13Don't you think they mar the overall symmetry of the uniform somewhat?
09:17No, I can run faster in these
09:20Yeah, I mean, give chase, you know, pursue and detain, sort of...
09:23Oh, nothing happens round here
09:27Quiet as a grave
09:30Well, I'll see you in the morning then, Rodders
09:33Take care now
09:35Yeah
09:38Don't worry about me, Del
09:39I'll be all right
10:08I'll be all right
10:13WHISTLE BLOWS
10:16WHISTLE BLOWS
10:36Oh, there you are, Grandad. Here you go. Look at that. Look at that. It's beautiful, isn't it? Beautiful.
10:42It's going to earn our fortunes, this is, Grandad. Come on, Rodney. It's ten to nine.
10:46I used to be a security officer, you know, before the war. Blimey, do you mean say that somebody actually
10:53trusted you with their property?
10:54It's like trusting a piranha fish with your finger. Or worse.
11:03Oh, yeah. It was a big warehouse over Kilburn Way. Stocked everything from bedroom suites to kiddies' toys.
11:11Well, as this fellow used to work there, used to arrive every morning in a big, wolsey car, he wore
11:18a camel's hair overcoat, kid gloves, and he always carried a brand new leather attache case, and he smoked expensive
11:28cigars.
11:29Well, call it intuition, if you like, but I was suspicious of him.
11:36Oh, yeah, and why?
11:38Well, we were only a sweeper up.
11:42Well, how do you do it, Holmes?
11:47Anyhow, one night, as he was leaving, I stopped him, and I searched his attache case. It were empty.
11:56Still, unperturbed by this minor hiccup in my investigation, I stopped him and searched his attache case every night for
12:06an old year.
12:07Then he left.
12:09Oh, I wonder why.
12:12I don't remember. I think he claimed someone was victimising him.
12:18No unions in them days, see?
12:21No, well, this is it, ain't it, eh?
12:23Yeah.
12:25Anyway, a couple of weeks after he left, the auditors come.
12:29You know what they discovered?
12:31What?
12:31We was missing 348 attache case.
12:37What, you mean, you'd been searching the stolen gear?
12:41Yeah, and I got done for it.
12:45Fingerprints.
12:47There's a moral to this story, dear boy, but for the life of me, I can't find it.
12:54I don't think I'm going to bother to look either, Grandad.
12:57Hello, the son of the Bride of Dracula.
12:59Oh, here he is.
13:00What time is it?
13:01The time is nearly nine o'clock.
13:03Nine?
13:04Oh, I'm going to be late if I don't get a move on.
13:06No, no, it's all right.
13:07There's no worry.
13:07No, no, go on.
13:08No, Russ, sit down.
13:09Take it easy.
13:10That's it.
13:10Go on.
13:10Let me get you a cup of tea, all right?
13:12Oh, yeah.
13:12Here you go, then.
13:13Are you still taking my part with Janice?
13:15Yes.
13:16Don't worry.
13:17I won't let you down.
13:18Cheers, Dale.
13:19How am I doing?
13:20Very well.
13:20Very well.
13:22Yes.
13:22One more steak meal could crack it.
13:25Yeah?
13:26Mm.
13:26I haven't done this well with a girl for a long time.
13:29You're like me, Rodney.
13:31I've never, ever found it easy to get girlfriends.
13:35I wonder why.
13:37Hey, it's still light out.
13:39It's broad daylight.
13:40Yeah, of course it would be, wouldn't it?
13:41Nine o'clock in the morning.
13:42What do you expect?
13:43Nine o'clock in the morning?
13:44I thought it was nine at night.
13:46I've only been in bed 20 minutes.
13:47What are you waiting for?
13:49Sit down, sit down.
13:50It's all right.
13:51All right.
13:51Don't exaggerate.
13:5320 minutes.
13:54Listen, I want to discuss something very important with you, see.
13:56What could be that important, eh?
13:58I haven't got Janice into trouble, have we?
14:00Don't be silly.
14:02At least I hope not.
14:03No.
14:05Listen, I want to talk to you, see.
14:07Now, this night security job of yours is merely a tiny part of my immaculate scheme.
14:12What immaculate scheme?
14:14The tourist trade, Rodney.
14:15The tourist trade.
14:17See, do you realise that over 2,000 tourists pour into London every day,
14:20and I happen to know, despite the fact that tourism has never been so high,
14:24the coach party trade is falling off.
14:26Now, why, you may ask.
14:27Yeah, why is that, Del?
14:29Well, since you ask, I will tell you, Rodney.
14:31The reason is, your average tourist gets fed up, don't you?
14:34I've seen the same old places like the Houses of Parliament, Buckhouse,
14:38the National Gallery.
14:40You know.
14:40Once you've seen one Rubens, you've seen them all.
14:43Now, this is where a dynamic person like me steps in.
14:47Wake up while your brother's being dynamic.
14:48Sorry, go on.
14:50Yeah, right.
14:51You see, out there, Rodney,
14:52out there's a new, vibrant, exciting London awaiting to be discovered.
14:57Is there?
14:58Yeah.
14:59Of course there is.
15:00Ethnic London.
15:02Ethnic London?
15:03Yeah.
15:04Yes, you know, all those romantic places that you've only heard about in fairy tales.
15:09You know, the Lee Valley Viaduct.
15:11Right?
15:11The glow of Lower Edmonton at dusk.
15:16The excitement of a walkabout in Croydon.
15:19Yeah.
15:20Look.
15:20Look what I've had printed.
15:22Oh, I don't believe this.
15:24Trotter's Ethnic Tours.
15:27What's all this squiggly stuff and the Chinese?
15:30The squiggly stuff.
15:30The squiggly stuff.
15:31That is Arabic, isn't it?
15:31And the Chinese is Japanese.
15:33It's a well-known fact that 90% of all foreign tourists come from abroad.
15:37So, we've got to speak their lingo, ain't we?
15:40We?
15:40We're French.
15:41I like it.
15:42Already you're picking up the lingo, sir.
15:45That is what I've called enthusiasm, Rodney.
15:48I weren't speaking in French, Del.
15:50I meant, what do you mean, we?
15:51We, us, you know, us.
15:53Yeah, you know, because it's a family enterprise, isn't it?
15:55Granddaddy will sell the programmes.
15:57I shall be the courier.
15:59And you, Rodney, you have got the best job of all because you will drive the bus.
16:05Ding, ding.
16:06Hold tight, everybody.
16:07Rodney's coming, eh?
16:09Be another wage, Rodney.
16:10I've already got a wage, Del.
16:12Yeah, but you can't afford to live on what I pay you, can you?
16:15I don't know, Del, how much you're paying me.
16:16Well, not a lot.
16:17Not a lot.
16:18So, you know, I can't afford to.
16:20See, um, well, I've done a deal.
16:23You see, uh, with a bus garage.
16:25What happened was I provided them with a night...
16:27Well, no, no, no, nocturnal security operating.
16:31And they provide me with an open-top bus.
16:33That saves the exchange of any cash, you know.
16:35Stops all the paperwork.
16:36And income tax.
16:37Income tax, yeah.
16:39Hey?
16:41Well, come on, what about it, Rodney?
16:42A lot of work and effort has gone into this enterprise.
16:46Hey?
16:46I mean, Grandad, he was uptown this morning at the crack of dawn,
16:50distributing all these leaflets to every hotel, boarding house and hostel he could find.
16:55Grandad, he believes in this scheme, don't you, Grandad?
16:59Epic tours is the most stupidest thing I've ever heard of.
17:02See?
17:04Del, you can't expect me to work all night, then in the morning drive a busload of tourists
17:09round ethnic London.
17:10I've got to sleep, Del.
17:12My old body's crying out for sleep.
17:15Yeah, yeah.
17:16I'll tell you what I'll do.
17:18Um, I'll get you some assistance at the garage, eh?
17:21And then you can have a kip.
17:22I'll get you, uh, I'll get you an ex-police dog.
17:25An ex-police dog?
17:27Yeah.
17:28Now, do you fancy some breakfast?
17:30Oh, I wouldn't say no, Del.
17:31Good.
17:31Great.
17:32Come on, then.
17:32Off we go.
17:33There you go, innit?
17:34While you're in there, make me a bacon sandwich, all right?
17:38Where are you going to get an ex-police dog from?
17:42I'll get him...
17:43I'll get him Nero.
17:45Who's Nero?
17:47Nero.
17:48Janice's Corgi.
18:11We clearly stated on our leaflets that nine o'clock was departure time.
18:16Here we are, eleven-thirty.
18:17No sign on them.
18:19I've told you before, no-one will turn up.
18:22Yes, they will.
18:24As soon as the word spreads about a bit, they'll be here in droves.
18:27Now, the only thing that worries me is, is a 59-seater bus going to be big enough?
18:32I mean, perhaps we should have had two, you know, maybe three.
18:34A tandem would be too big.
18:36Leave it out, will you?
18:38I'll bet you not one single tourist arrives.
18:43I'll bet you 50 quid they do.
18:44Right, 50 quid, you're on.
18:47Right, then.
18:48All right.
18:49Right.
18:49Right.
18:50Right.
18:51Right.
18:51Shut up, you two, will you?
18:54I didn't get a wink of sleep last night, taking that rotten dog for walkies and what have you.
19:00That's a funny kind of police dog, that deal.
19:02It saw a cat and run a mile.
19:05Ah, well, cats aren't Nero's strong point.
19:07Show him a burglar and it becomes a tower of strength.
19:12Where's all these tourists, then?
19:14I thought we'd be having an ethnic look round Chingford by now.
19:18Don't worry, they'll be here.
19:20Shut up, you.
19:23How much are you charging them for this tour, then?
19:2717 quid each.
19:2917 pounds for a walkabout in Croydon?
19:32Well, that includes lunch, doesn't it?
19:34Traditional British fare.
19:36Donner kebab, something like that.
19:38Donner kebab.
19:39For 17, Nicker, I'd want Donna Summers.
19:41Well, you would, wouldn't you, you tightwad?
19:44Now, these tourists, they don't mind splashing it up.
19:46I didn't even get in value for money.
19:49Now, look at that.
19:50They'll snap these souvenirs of oldie London up, they will.
19:54Look at that.
19:55It's a snip, that is, out of five or a go.
19:57Almost alabaster, you know.
19:59You're going to sell them models of a Roman statue,
20:02now housed in the Louvre Gallery in Paris,
20:04for souvenirs of old London?
20:06It's the Venus de Milo, Del.
20:09No, that is Baudesia, that is, isn't it?
20:12Why would you see her rode round in a chariot
20:14with big swords sticking out the wheels?
20:17All right, so she fell off her chariot.
20:20You were just trying to rip them off, weren't you?
20:22Au contraire, Rodney.
20:24Au contraire.
20:26Oh.
20:27I don't want to leave them potless.
20:29I want them to have some money in their pockets.
20:31At least enough for us to have a tip.
20:33As a courier,
20:34what do you actually know about these obscure places
20:37you intend to drag them to?
20:39Oh, no.
20:41Nothing.
20:42At least twice as much as they know.
20:44Don't worry, I shall bluff them, Rodney.
20:46I shall use the old spiel.
20:47If they ask me any questions
20:49that I find a bit dodgy to answer,
20:50I shall just say,
20:51I can't understand their English.
20:53Huh?
20:53Don't worry.
20:54Be a doddle.
20:57Oh.
20:58I mean, today,
20:59I shall take them down to Shoreditch
21:01and show them the house
21:03where Sherlock Holmes was born.
21:06Sherlock Holmes was fictional.
21:08Was he?
21:09Oh, well, I'll just say
21:10his house got blown up during the war.
21:12Tomorrow,
21:13I shall take him to the summit
21:15of Mount Pleasant.
21:16The summit of Mount Pleasant?
21:19What's the matter with you, Grandad?
21:20Can't you stay at heights or something?
21:21Mount Pleasant hasn't got a summit.
21:24All he's got is a big post office sorting depot.
21:29That's ethnic, isn't it, eh?
21:31We can give them a guided tour of the depot.
21:33You know, show them the workers
21:34getting the most from the post.
21:37I said, stay awake.
21:38If I was you,
21:39they'll be here
21:40and there are hundreds in a minute.
21:47I'll take them over to North London.
21:49You know, show them where Jack the Ripper
21:51was buried.
21:53Nobody knows where Jack the Ripper
21:54was buried.
21:55Well, they can't prove me wrong,
21:56then, can they, eh?
22:00Shall we give them another
22:01five minutes and go, Bill?
22:03Yeah, all right.
22:04Take the bus back to the garage
22:05and you can begin your night shift, all right?
22:07Cheers, Bill.
22:08I want you back first thing
22:09in the morning, though.
22:10And don't forget to take Nero out
22:12so he can do his business.
22:15Really?
22:28Pint of lager, Rodney.
22:30I sold right out of Pina Coladas, Del.
22:33So I got your Mackieson instead.
22:36Oh, good thinking.
22:38Yes, thank you, Grandad.
22:42What are you going to do
22:43if the tourists start asking
22:44about the history of places?
22:46I mean, say one of them wants to know
22:47how the Elephant and Castle
22:48got its name.
22:50Well, I'll just say, um,
22:53once upon a time,
22:54Richard the Lionheart,
22:55or Coeur de Lyon,
22:57as the French used to call him,
22:58which he did not like one little bit.
23:01See where a little bit of intimate knowledge
23:03goes a long way in impressing people?
23:05Well, I'll say that he had a castle
23:07situated roughly near the roundabout.
23:12Oh, say, uh,
23:14Hannibal and his elephants,
23:16they lay siege to the castle.
23:19And Bob's your uncle.
23:21Across the Alps.
23:23Huh?
23:24I know, on his way to the castles.
23:27And the natives who had never seen an elephant,
23:29they were sorely afraid.
23:31And that is how
23:33it became known in that area
23:35as the Elephant and Castle.
23:38If they'd never seen an elephant before,
23:41how did they know it was an elephant?
23:46For God's sake, Grandad,
23:48an elephant's a bloody elephant, isn't it?
23:49I mean, you can't lodge that.
23:51I mean, you can't look at an elephant
23:52and say, oh, no,
23:53we'll call this place the Cowan Castle.
23:54You can't do that, can you?
23:57But you're not telling them the truth, are you?
23:59The truth.
24:00The truth.
24:00You're so naive, Rodders.
24:03The truth is only relative
24:05to what you can earn from a lie.
24:07Einstein.
24:08I'll tell you one truth
24:09that you won't earn a brass farthing out of.
24:12No one's going to turn up.
24:14They will turn up.
24:15They've got to.
24:16This time next year,
24:18we'll be millionaires.
24:22You said that this time last year.
24:25No, you're eating, ain't you?
24:31Now, I wanted to do this for years, Rodney.
24:34I always thought if we could make a success of it,
24:37that eventually we would go legit.
24:39You know, we would register the name
24:41Trotters Independent Traders
24:43as a proper McCoy company.
24:47I have this dream.
24:49You and I own this skyscraper office block
24:52on the South Bank.
24:54And we're standing on a balcony
24:56in a penthouse suite
24:57with a couple of sorts.
25:00Gabrielle,
25:02Bianca,
25:05braless,
25:05but with class.
25:07Yeah, did you know your genus
25:09doesn't wear a bra?
25:10Yeah, I know.
25:10Oh, you know.
25:12We're in a penthouse
25:13full of rubber plants
25:14and pine, tongue and groove
25:16and we're sipping
25:19red drinks.
25:20And above us,
25:21on top of the skyscraper
25:23in 50-foot-high neon lettering
25:25are the initials
25:26of Trotters Independent Traders.
25:30Good, isn't it, eh?
25:32Terrific, Del.
25:33Yeah.
25:34No, they've got to come.
25:36My dream starts
25:37the way every success starts.
25:39Got a great big rip-off.
25:41Del, Grandad's right.
25:43No-one's going to turn up.
25:44Yes, they will.
25:45You wait and see.
25:48I think that dream of yours
25:49contains a subliminal message.
25:51Yeah.
25:52You what?
25:53A sort of subconscious truth.
25:55You see this skyscraper
25:57belonging to Trotters Independent Traders, right?
26:00Yeah.
26:00And on the roof
26:01of the company's initials
26:02and you're standing
26:03on the penthouse balcony.
26:06Well, don't you see
26:06what the dream's trying to tell you?
26:08As you're standing
26:09on that balcony
26:10with your red drink
26:11just above your head
26:12in 50-foot-high neon lettering
26:14is the word...
26:17tit.
26:27Come on, let's call it a day.
26:35You owe me 50 quid
26:37on that bet, eh?
26:39Oh, all right, you old pessimist.
27:02What about our wages then, Del?
27:05Oh, yeah.
27:06I meant to talk to you about that.
27:30I thought that was going to be the big one, Rodney.
27:32I thought I was going to be
27:33the Freddie Laker of the highways.
27:34It was a nice try, Del.
27:36Yeah.
27:37I don't understand it, though.
27:38I just don't understand it.
27:40Grandad distributed 1,000 litres.
27:421,000!
27:43You'd have thought that one,
27:44just one punter,
27:46might have been interested.
27:48Still, as dear old Mum used to say,
27:51it's better to know you've lost
27:53than not to know you've won.
27:56Dear old Mum,
27:58I used to say some bloody stupid things.
28:02Chuck this down a shoe.
28:0330, 35, 40, 45, 50.
28:09Well, that weren't too bad, was it, Rodney?
28:12I've had two days away from me housework,
28:15a nice little drink,
28:17and I've won meself a 50 quid bet.
28:20Very nice.
28:22Very nice indeed.
28:25Where's Del boy?
28:27Oh, he's just going to chuck that sign
28:28down a dust shoe.
28:29Ah.
28:31A dust shoe?
28:33Oh, my God.
28:36Grandad!
28:40Come here, you senile old parasite.
28:43It wasn't me, Del boy.
28:45It was me brain.
28:47It wasn't your...
28:48I'll brain you if I catch hold of you.
28:50Come here, get it.
28:51Shut up and all.
28:53Oi, stop it.
28:59You've got some off-cross, black ties,
29:01some miles and miles of carpet ties,
29:03TV's, deep freeze, and David Bowie OPs,
29:06pool games, gold chains,
29:08wuss names, and Edda Push,
29:09and Trevor Francis tracksuits from a mush,
29:11and Shepard's Bush,
29:12Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush.
29:15No income tax, no VAT,
29:18no money back, no guarantee,
29:21black or white, rich or broke,
29:24but we'll cut prices and a straw.
29:28God bless, Hookie Street.
29:32Viva, Hookie Street.
29:35Long live, Hookie Street.
29:38Saint-Magnifique, Hookie Street.
29:42Magnifique, Hookie Street.
29:45Hookie Street.
29:49Hookie Street.
29:50Hookie Street.
29:50Hookie Street.
29:50Go forward to the hom HERE!