- 3 days ago
Del employs younger brother Rodney as a member of Trotters' Independent Traders, despite warnings from his business colleagues. When Rodney decides to become the Trotters' financial adviser - monitoring the accounts and keeping Del's dodgy dealings in check - Del has second thoughts about their partnership.
Category
🎈
FunTranscript
00:03Stick a pony in me pocket
00:06I'll fetch the suitcase from the van
00:09Cause if you are the best
00:12But you don't ask questions
00:14Then brother, I'm your man
00:17Cause where it all comes from is a mystery
00:21It's like the changing of the seasons
00:24And the tides of the sea
00:25But is the one who's driving me bizarre
00:29Why do only fools and horses work
00:33La la la la
00:34La la la la la
00:43That Sidney Potter's a good actor, isn't he, Rodney?
00:47He was marvellous in Guess Who's Coming to Dinner.
00:52Yeah, knock it up, granddad.
00:55Sidney Potter?
00:56Yeah, you know him.
00:58He always plays the black fella.
01:02Sidney Poitier.
01:04Sidney Potter.
01:05It's Poitier.
01:07It's Potter.
01:08It's bloody Poitier, I'm telling you.
01:10And I'm telling you, it's bloody Potter.
01:13You two had it again, are you?
01:14Del, how do you pronounce that fella's name on the telly?
01:17Sidney Poitier or Sidney Potter?
01:19Personally, I pronounce it Harry Belafonte,
01:21but you two, please, yourself.
01:23You daft old sod.
01:25It was Harry Belafonte all along.
01:27Well, I wonder why Sidney Potter kept bursting into song.
01:32I don't like Harry Belafonte.
01:34Sidney Poitier, Sidney Poitier, what an enigma.
01:38I get better looking every day.
01:40Can't wait for tomorrow.
01:42Oh, do you know, I think I'm suffering from something incurable.
01:48Still, never mind, eh?
01:50Oi, come on, Rodney, shake a leg.
01:52We've got a meeting at 12.
01:53What are you doing now?
01:54Our accounts.
01:56You're keeping accounts now?
01:59Well, there you are, Grandad.
02:01A lot of people told me I was a right dipstick
02:03to make my brother a partner in the business,
02:05but this only goes to prove how bloody right they were.
02:09You dozy little twonk, Rodney.
02:12This is prima fasty evidence, isn't it, eh?
02:14The taxman gets older than that, it puts us away for three years.
02:16Don't worry, if a taxman comes, I'll eat it.
02:19It's the only way I'll keep a check on you, Del.
02:21I'm sure you're cheating me in some way, I just can't figure out how.
02:24Cheating you?
02:26Cheating?
02:27You...
02:27What's that rumbling noise?
02:29I didn't hear nothing.
02:30No, it's all right, it's Mum turning in her grave.
02:32Oh, Rodney, stop that again, Del.
02:35It's obvious you're stitching me up.
02:37Look at you, you have three or four changes of clothes a day.
02:40Me, I've got one suit come from an almost new shop.
02:42It's embarrassing sometimes.
02:45Oh, I embarrass you, do I?
02:47You've got room to talk.
02:49You have been nothing but an embarrassment to me
02:51from the moment you was born.
02:53You couldn't be like any other little brother, could you, eh,
02:55and come along a couple of years later after me.
02:57Oh, no, no, not you.
02:58You had to wait 13 years.
03:00So while all the other mods were having punch-ups down at Southend
03:04and going to the Who concerts,
03:06I was at home babysitting.
03:08I could never get your oyster milk stains out of me Ben Shermans.
03:13I used to find rusts in me hush puppies.
03:17You know, I couldn't help when I was born.
03:19Oh, there you go.
03:20There you are, you see.
03:20It's any excuse with you, isn't it, eh?
03:22What do you think about poor old Mum, then, eh?
03:24Do you know that she was 39 when she fell for you, eh?
03:28For the first three months of her pregnancy,
03:29you were treated as an ulcer.
03:33To this day, I sometimes think the original diagnosis was correct.
03:39Jock.
03:40Hey, come on.
03:42What sort of bloke do you think I am, eh?
03:44Cheat me own brother?
03:46Come on, Rodney, I told you before, haven't I, eh?
03:48It's everything between you and I split straight down the middle.
03:5160-40, right?
03:54Yeah, well, explain this to me, then, Del.
03:57How do we manage to pay for the light, gas and rent in this place, eh?
04:00I mean, take last week, we went to the auction, right?
04:02We bought a grossly disposable light as a space invaders game,
04:06two facial saunas, five water-damaged sleeping bags
04:09and a moonroof for a Peugeot, right?
04:11Then we swapped the lot for a vanload of one-legged turkeys.
04:14They was not one-legged turkeys.
04:16They was damaged turkeys.
04:17How many legs did they have, Del?
04:20I'm in no mood for trick questions.
04:22Anyway, you ain't put down a VAT.
04:24We don't pay VAT.
04:25I know, but we collect it, though, don't we, eh?
04:27All right, Rodney, all right.
04:29Look, so we don't pay VAT.
04:31We don't pay income tax or national insurance.
04:34On the other hand, we don't claim dull money,
04:37social security, supplementary benefit, do we, eh?
04:41Right?
04:41The government don't give us nothing,
04:43so we don't give the government nothing.
04:45Right?
04:46What's you complaining about?
04:47Look, I'm 23.
04:48I'd like to think I had some sort of a career.
04:51You're self-unemployed.
04:52That's a career, ain't it?
04:54Selling Yankees from a suitcase in Oxford Street.
04:57I want something better than that, Del.
04:58All right.
04:59All right.
05:00In future, you can do Regent Street.
05:02Come on.
05:04Cheers.
05:06And it's Poitier.
05:08What about that?
05:09It's Poitier!
05:15Hello, Del.
05:16Hello, darling.
05:16How are you all right?
05:17Fine.
05:17Good.
05:22Do you realise we've always had something missing in our lives?
05:25First we was motherless, then we was fatherless.
05:27Now we're flogging one-legged turkeys from a three-wheel van.
05:31Little locals.
05:32Well, you got one of them missing as well, Del?
05:33No.
05:34Marks and Spencer started off with a barra.
05:36At least they had four wheels.
05:37What's going on about that van, will you?
05:39Morning, Del boy.
05:40Bonjour, Joycey.
05:42Two half-pints of your finest low-carbohydrate beer.
05:45Thank you, John.
05:45You want it in glasses?
05:46Yes, please.
05:47Otherwise, it dribbles through your fingers.
05:50I mean, you want it in glasses or jugs?
05:53As long as it is served by your fair hands, Joycey,
05:55we drink it out of a pair of Yvonne Goulagon's old tennis boots.
06:01Look at that.
06:02Charmed like laser beams, eh, Rodney?
06:04Knock some bandy.
06:06Yeah.
06:06It's your ready-wit and three-wheeled van that blows their minds.
06:09Yeah.
06:10I suppose I am full of the old bel-esprit, really, aren't I?
06:13Actually, I quite like old Joycey.
06:15I mean, fair place.
06:16He's a bit of an old dog, but...
06:17Fair again, you know.
06:18I quite like old dogs.
06:20I mean, you know where you are with them, don't you, eh?
06:22They never ask you if you still respect them in the morning.
06:25And always lend you a knicker for petrol, you know.
06:28Ah.
06:29I like this life, though, don't you, Rodders, eh?
06:31Ducking and diving, wheeling and dealing, you know.
06:33It's exciting, isn't it?
06:34Unpredictable.
06:36You know, in this game, you can go out in the morning with 50 pence in your pocket...
06:40And come home at night's skin.
06:41Exactly.
06:41Yeah.
06:44I'm thinking of getting a job, Del.
06:47Eh?
06:47What chance have you got of getting a job?
06:50Do leave it out.
06:52Have you heard that?
06:53You heard that, Joycey?
06:54He's only thinking of getting a job, isn't he, though?
06:56Job, eh?
06:57I've got GCEs.
06:59And I took that year's course at the Art College in Basingstoke.
07:02Yes, I know.
07:03You took a year's course.
07:04But you got expelled after three weeks, didn't you, eh?
07:06Eh?
07:07The Board of Governors were doing their annual inspection and found you camped in your little
07:10room with the biggest reefer this side of Marrakesh, zonked out on your bed with some
07:14Chinese tart.
07:15She doesn't have Chinese tart.
07:16Well, Chinese, Japanese, it's all the same to me.
07:19Anyway, all right.
07:20All right.
07:20Suppose you go for a job and you go for the interview, eh?
07:22What are you going to say to the manager?
07:23You're going to say, oh, yes, sir.
07:24I've got qualifications and experience, sir, yeah?
07:26I've got two GCEs, an 18-month suspended sentence, and I know a good joint when I puff one.
07:33No, no, your feet won't touch, brav.
07:36No.
07:37No, I'm afraid not, Rodney.
07:39At the ripe old age of 23, you are a social leper.
07:44Society has placed you in the darkest corner of its deepest cellar to grow moss and be forgotten
07:51about.
07:55Still, never mind, eh?
07:56Ha, the evil of France, as they say in Rome.
07:58No need to get depressed.
07:59Oh, me, depressed?
08:01No, of course not, Del.
08:02I'm on top of the world.
08:03I feel like a born-again eunuch.
08:07Do you think I'll apply for a mail-order course with exit?
08:11That's a good idea, Rodney.
08:12Never say die.
08:15All right, then.
08:15How are you?
08:16All right, tripping.
08:17Ah, there he is.
08:17Oi, Trigger.
08:18Here.
08:19You know my brother, don't you, eh?
08:20Yeah, of course I do.
08:21How you going, Dave?
08:22Sorry I'm late, Del boy.
08:23I had to pop round me sisters to arrange an alibi for next Thursday.
08:27Joyce, Nick!
08:28Del?
08:29Del?
08:30Del?
08:30What?
08:30Why'd they call him Trigger?
08:32Does he carry a gun?
08:33No, it's because he looks like a horse.
08:37Listen, me and Da Trigger have got some business to discuss, like that, I mean.
08:42Okay, so you get the drinks, meet us back here over by the table, all right?
08:45Oh, I are, sir.
08:46Anything you say, sir.
08:47Borrow my daughter, sir.
08:53No, no, no, very clever kid, you know, my brother.
08:56Yeah.
08:56He's got two GCEs, one in maths, one in R.
08:59Oh, you want to see him when he writes a letter?
09:00Some of the words he uses.
09:02What, long ones?
09:03Well, they're like that, you know, some of them.
09:05Anyway, what are you selling?
09:07This.
09:08I've got 25 of them all told, the others are in the car.
09:11I thought I won't wrap it up.
09:12Parcels attract attention these days.
09:14Best to carry it openly, then it don't look conspicuous.
09:19Oh, yeah, yeah, that's good thinking, that, Treck.
09:22Yeah, really good thinking.
09:23Goes so well with your slingback Wellington boots and your off-the-shoulder donkey jacket.
09:27You look like an executive hod carrier.
09:31Wait, Rodgers, what do you think of this?
09:33Infra-dig, innit, eh?
09:35It's plastics.
09:38Plastics.
09:39Old English vinyl.
09:43Combination locks.
09:45Dinky little handle, I don't know.
09:47Might be able to push some of them around the old squash clubs, eh?
09:50Shouldn't have anything to do with them, Del.
09:51Police must probably be looking for them right now.
09:55Tell us the truth.
09:56Are the police looking for these things, Treck?
09:57No, they're not, Del.
09:59And that's the truth.
10:00Why are you hiding it under the table, then?
10:02Well, because you never know when they're going to start looking for them, do you?
10:06Leave them, Del.
10:06Leave them.
10:07Wait, shh.
10:08Stump, right?
10:08Oi, we're partners.
10:10At least respect my opinion.
10:11All right, all right, Rodney, I'll respect your opinion.
10:14How much?
10:15To you, Del boy, 17 pounds each.
10:20You know what happened to the real trigger, don't you?
10:23Roy Rogers had him stuffed.
10:26All right, then, 14.
10:2814, leave it out.
10:315.
10:3212.
10:336.
10:3410.
10:359.
10:368.
10:37Done.
10:39That's the way to do business, Dave.
10:41All right, okay, Treck, let's look that out.
10:43That's 8 times 25 equals 175, okay?
10:48200.
10:49What?
10:49No, no, Rodney, no, no, no.
10:50The calculator says 175, all right?
10:52Yeah, but he's got GCEs and maths and art.
10:55So what does that prove?
10:56He can paint by numbers.
10:59No, Treck, I mean, this is a calculator, isn't it?
11:01You know what I mean?
11:02Look, the calculator says 175.
11:03You can't argue with a calculator, can you?
11:05You know what I mean?
11:06Give it in that.
11:07Rodney.
11:0825 times 8 equals 200, see?
11:14Oh, yeah.
11:15Look at that.
11:16I must have got my finger stuck on a button, yeah.
11:19Heard his fingers, though.
11:20Yeah, yeah.
11:21You want to look after them, Rodney?
11:23They break very easily.
11:30You've got to see them to believe them, Spiros.
11:33Yeah.
11:34Eh?
11:34I don't know.
11:35Hang on a minute.
11:36Oi, Grandad.
11:37Where were they made?
11:39Don't say.
11:41There's some Chinese writing on them, though.
11:44No, no, no.
11:45Don't actually give the maker's name, Spiros.
11:46But then again, the best ones never do, do they?
11:48You know what I mean?
11:49Yeah.
11:50How's it going?
11:51That's about the 15th.
11:53Briefcase is sold.
11:54Phone call he's made.
11:56Yeah.
11:56Yeah, well, I'll get in while the going's good.
11:58If I were you, Spiros, I've only got 25 legs.
12:01Eh?
12:02This is a cheeseburger.
12:04I asked for an emperor burger.
12:06I couldn't afford an emperor burger.
12:08Yeah.
12:08He got me a cheeseburger.
12:10What?
12:11I asked him for an emperor burger, and he brings me back a cheeseburger.
12:15Hang on a minute, Spiros, will you?
12:17Just hang on.
12:17What's he on about now?
12:19He asked me to get him an emperor burger, but I couldn't afford it, so I got him a cheeseburger.
12:23Bloody emperor burgers and cheeseburgers.
12:25Because I'm trying to do a deal here.
12:26Now, shut up, will you?
12:27No, no, not you, Spiros.
12:29No, no, me young mate.
12:30No, just, all right.
12:31Now, how many of these briefcases can I put you down for?
12:33Eh?
12:34Ha.
12:35None.
12:35Right, thanks.
12:36Great.
12:37Yeah, all right.
12:38I'll see you around.
12:40I told you the best thing to do with them cases, didn't I?
12:42Chuck them in the river.
12:43Chuck them in the river.
12:44Chuck them in the river.
12:46That's our profit you're talking about.
12:47What do you think this is, a nationalised industry?
12:50He knows I hate cheese.
12:52Will you stop going on about that rotten cheeseburger, will you?
12:55Ah, Dougie Sadler.
12:58He owns the stationers in the Ice Street.
13:00He's our boy, Rodders.
13:01I don't know why he bothers.
13:03He's a trier, isn't he?
13:04Your dad always said that one day Del Boyd reached the top.
13:08There again, he used to say that one day Millwall would win the cup.
13:14Hello, Dougie, Del Boyd.
13:16How's that, pal?
13:17Good.
13:18Family?
13:19Super.
13:21Dougie, look, I'm phoning about some briefcases.
13:25Yeah?
13:27Go on.
13:28What a choker.
13:3025 of them nicked from his shop last week.
13:33Oh, gross.
13:35No, no.
13:36No, no, I'm not trying to steal any.
13:37No, no, no.
13:38No, I wanted to buy some, you see, yeah.
13:40I got this contact in the stock exchange, yeah.
13:44By the way, Dougie, old pal, I mean, what were you selling them for?
13:49What do you mean they were rejects?
13:51Oh, beautiful.
13:52We bought a consignment of rejects.
13:54Well, what was wrong with them, Nick?
13:57Oh, yeah, I see, yeah.
13:59Yeah, I mean, he'd be daft enough to nick them, eh?
14:03I mean, he'd be stupid enough to buy them.
14:05Yeah, I know, you too.
14:10I'll pop down and see you next week when you've got some more in, okay?
14:13Yeah.
14:13Bye-bye, Doug, see you around.
14:18All right.
14:20So what's wrong with them?
14:22Open one.
14:24What's the combination?
14:26No sod nose, that's why they're rejects.
14:31They must give you a bit of paper with them giving you the combination.
14:34Yes, there is.
14:35It's inside the briefcase, isn't it?
14:38It's a cock-up at the factory.
14:40Nice going, Dell boy.
14:42You have bought 25 executive briefcases
14:45that can only be opened by professional safecrackers.
14:47This makes the one-legged turkey deal look shrewd, doesn't it?
14:51All right, all right, Roddy, that's the way I'm made, isn't it, eh?
14:54You know, crashing into hell with the consequences.
14:56He who dares wins.
14:58Oh, the French ever work for people like me.
15:00Yeah, the English have got a couple of good'uns in hell.
15:04I told you all along not to touch him, didn't I?
15:07Yeah, all right, all right.
15:08Okay, well, it's nothing to do with you, isn't it?
15:09But we're partners, aren't we?
15:12Oh.
15:14Oh, I see.
15:15The truth's coming out now.
15:17Well, come on, Dell, let's have it out in the open, then.
15:19How do you see our respective roles in this partnership?
15:23I see it as a combination of my business acumen, contacts and money,
15:27and your ability to drive a three-wheel van, badly.
15:30Well, did you see yourself in a different role?
15:32Oh, yes, I did.
15:34With my qualifications, I saw myself in the capacity of a financial advisor.
15:39A financial advisor.
15:41Bonjour, Trieste.
15:44You are beautiful.
15:45You are, Rodney.
15:47Today, I just about clinched a deal to buy these briefcases for £175,
15:53when my financial advisor stuck his nose in and advised me to pay £200, right?
16:00And having paid the £200, my financial advisor then advised me to chuck the bleeding lot in the river.
16:07Now, with financial advisors like that, who needs a bleeding recession?
16:12What kind of a financial advisor goes out to buy an emperor burger and comes back with a cheeseburger?
16:19Oh, will you stop going on about that ruddy cheeseburger for court eating?
16:23Oh, hey!
16:25Get off him!
16:26It's against the law to force feed a senior citizen with a cheeseburger, and you know he hates them.
16:30Well, what did you buy it for him for?
16:32It's all I could afford!
16:33You make my life a misery, you do.
16:36Here, boy, just a moment.
16:37What was that last remark about me making your life a misery?
16:41Yeah.
16:42Well, you do, Del.
16:44with your overbearing, overprotective manner.
17:04Let me remind you, Rodney,
17:07that you were a six-year-old little nipper
17:10when God smiled on Mum and made her die.
17:13Two months after that,
17:15Dad packed his bags and left us to fend for ourselves.
17:18It was me that kept us together.
17:21Nothing to do with Grandad.
17:23It was an out-of-work lamplighter waiting for gas to make a comeback.
17:30I grafted 19, 20 hours a day to put groceries on that table.
17:34All right, it wasn't always double legal,
17:37but you ate the finest food that was going.
17:39All you ever give me was TV dinners and convenience foods.
17:43If it wasn't frozen or dehydrated, we didn't eat it.
17:46If you'd have been in charge of a last supper,
17:48it would have been a takeaway.
17:52Well, anything was better than the salmonella and chips
17:55that Grandad used to knock out.
18:03Look, don't get me wrong.
18:07I'm grateful.
18:08I don't want your gratitude, ungrateful little git.
18:13I don't know what is the matter with you, Rodney.
18:16Sometimes I hesitate to tell people that you're my brother.
18:19Well, I always say I'm your social worker.
18:22Do you mind telling me exactly what it is
18:24that's made your life a misery?
18:27Well, you've always treated me like a child, didn't you?
18:29I was the only sixth former in my grammar school
18:32who wore short trousers.
18:34Yeah, well, I got them cheap, didn't I?
18:36I was 15, Dale.
18:37I was growing hairs and things.
18:40My lips were like two and fuck ballers.
18:43And you never let me do anything on my own, do you?
18:46You even had to hurt me with my GCE studies.
18:48You passed in two subjects.
18:50I failed in the other eight, Dale.
18:53I mean, you embarrass me.
18:55That's why I never bring women home.
18:57Oh, you know some women, do you?
18:58Cool, that's a turn-up for the book.
19:00The only bird I've ever heard you mention
19:02was old Shanghai Lil from the art college in Basingstoke.
19:05Even then you had to drug her before you'd get your leg over.
19:09No, I didn't.
19:11What, you didn't drug her or didn't get your leg over?
19:15You're suffocating me, Dale.
19:16I'm getting out of this house.
19:18I'm going to prove to you I can survive on my own.
19:22I'm going to the pub.
19:23What, to prove you can survive on your own?
19:25No, to get legless.
19:26I don't need you no more, Dale.
19:28I don't need you for nothing.
19:31I don't need you for anything.
19:44Dale, um, I was just, I was just, um, wondering.
19:58i think he's very much like you granddad what dignified in defeat no a ponce
20:09no no i'm sure these can't be the ones they're looking for no no i wouldn't do that to a
20:15mate
20:15now would i hey no don't you say nothing to him you wally i mean you can't trust the old
20:20bill can
20:20you look at that time when they planted six gas cookers in my bedroom yeah all right don't worry
20:28okay i'll see you around rodney where was you first thing this morning i was out trying to sell
20:37these things when i did you call rodney no i thought i'd let him lie in and sleep his hangover
20:43off is
20:43he still in bed no he's gone gone packed his rucksack and had it away on his toes what do
20:51you mean gone
20:51where's he gone on kong on kong what do you mean on kong on kong it's in china i know
21:00where on kong
21:01is what i want to know is what's what they doing there said he was going to hitchhike there to
21:05see
21:05that bird from the art college who shanghai lil but she's in basingstoke so what's mastermind doing on
21:10the road to hong kong no that's where she is now she got deported after the drugs trial here just
21:18a
21:18minute what did you do say or cook for him that was so awful it forced him to leave it
21:23weren't me it
21:24was that row last night he's gone to prove his self prove his self no just one of rodney's little
21:33games that's all he'd never reach hong kong he has trouble finding clapham he seemed very determined
21:41oh didn't you do anything well yeah i made him some sandwiches
21:47and he took them blimey this is worse than i thought no wait a minute he ain't got no money
21:55he took his post office book with him can't you go and search for him he's been gone about seven
22:03hours the farthest he could have got is france well that's all right we got him cornered then
22:07we ain't bring up interpol interpol interpol i'll get more joy out of interflora but he might be in
22:15danger you can explain to him what rodney's like i'm sorry i don't know the french for pranny
22:22hong kong i mean hong kong why didn't he tell me where he was going he could have taken these
22:31bleeding
22:31things back would he
22:33so
24:08A2F2, enter. Illegal move.
24:18A2B2, enter. Illegal move.
24:21This thing still ain't working properly.
24:24That's because you're playing drafts on it. It's a talking chess game. You can't play drafts on a talking chess
24:29game.
24:30Why not?
24:31Because you're supposed to play chess on it. That's why it's called a talking chess game.
24:35What, he'd blown the microchip twice, trying to huff the rook and what have you.
24:39Well, I was supposed to have an electronic brain.
24:42It has got an electronic brain, but it didn't know it was going to have the misfortune to fall in
24:47the hands of a soppy old duffer who wanted to play drafts on it, did it?
24:50Well, I can't play chess. Why don't they invent a talking drafts game?
24:56Because if they did, you'd most probably want to play bloody Ludo on it.
25:06Dill boy.
25:08Hi, Rodney.
25:10Rodney's back, Dill.
25:12Look, he's here.
25:14Are you hungry, Rodney?
25:16Starving. I haven't eaten for two days.
25:19Shall I cook you something?
25:20No, no. No, no. A cup of tea, perhaps.
25:28Old place don't change much.
25:30No.
25:32Same as ever.
25:36Oh, it's really good to be back, Dill.
25:48You think you're overdoing the prodigal's return a bit? You've only been gone six days.
25:52Well, it might seem like six days to you, Dill, but to me it seemed more like a week.
25:58I take it you didn't reach Hong Kong. How far did you get?
26:02South of France. Saint-Tropez.
26:04Saint-Tropez. Very mal-de-maul.
26:07Pardon.
26:08Five in the shade.
26:10What are birds like?
26:11Oh, mostly French.
26:13Oh, no.
26:14I met one English girl there.
26:17Veronica.
26:18Her father's a millionaire tax-exile.
26:20Tax-exile, is he?
26:22Dill.
26:24Well, you got a boat, Eddie? You know, parked out in a bay?
26:27Or a yacht anchored offshore, yeah.
26:29Yeah.
26:30They invited me over for dinner one night.
26:32Dink-dough, though.
26:33Still had some of Granddad's sandwiches left, did you?
26:36No.
26:38No, that night I packed my bags and headed home.
26:41I was home six, see.
26:43I missed that.
26:45Tch, must be joking.
26:47Only people who ever missed that was the ruddy Luftwaffe.
26:51It may not be much to you, Dill, but to me it's got a raw and savage beauty, that.
26:56I've got artist's eyes, Dill.
26:57Yes, you've got pianist's fingers, Italian footballer's legs.
27:01Ever thought of applying for a disability allowance?
27:04I know you'll never understand what I mean, Dill,
27:07but you've got to suffer paradise before you can realise what you left behind.
27:12Your own.
27:13Your family.
27:14Your passport.
27:15Your passport.
27:17Your passport.
27:20You knew, didn't you?
27:21You let me go for all that and all the time you knew.
27:25Where'd you find it?
27:27Top of your wardrobe.
27:28We were expecting a visit from the local gendarmes
27:30and I thought I'd better check out just in case you'd left any of that exotic tobacco lying about.
27:35No.
27:35I knew it was just a moody, Rodney.
27:37I told Granddad it was just one of Rodney's little games.
27:40It must be wonderful to be you, Dill.
27:42To always be right.
27:44I know.
27:45It gets a bit embarrassing at times.
27:47I'll tell you another thing, shall I, Rodney?
27:49You said that I would never, ever get rid of them briefcases.
27:52And you did, didn't you, Dill?
27:54Yes, I did.
27:56Chucked the bleeding lot in the river.
27:59Nah.
28:00You threw them all in the river?
28:02Yep, every last one of them.
28:04They floated.
28:05That was a bit unforeseen.
28:08Probably round in Tilbury about now.
28:13200 quid down at Swanee, eh?
28:15Well, in this case, the Thames.
28:18Hm.
28:19Saint-Tropez.
28:22How far'd you really get?
28:24Shangri-La dos-er-stunk Newington.
28:28Share the room with some cholera cultures.
28:30You're moving.
28:42Well, what'd you fancy?
28:44Should you go down a pub and act stupid,
28:46or should we sail across to Veronica's dad's yacht for Tiffin?
28:51Nah.
28:52Best not go to the yacht.
28:54Might bump into those bloody briefcases halfway, eh?
29:26Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
29:44Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.