Stop Being Attached to Your Negative Emotions

Pulkit Sharma - Clinical Psychologist & Author

We often want to overcome anger, sadness, resentment, or other deeply painful emotions. Yet, something very powerful keeps these emotions alive: our attachment to them. In this insightful excerpt from his 2018 talk at SACAR, Pondicherry, Pulkit Sharma, Clinical Psychologist, Psychoanalytic Therapist, Spiritual Counselor and Author, explores the ambivalent relationship we have with our own emotions.  According to Sharma, we may find our anger dysfunctional — and yet remain attached to the angry part of ourselves. We may find our sadness heavy — and yet remain deeply connected to the “poor me” part within us. He explains that this ambivalence is an important obstacle to change.  Therefore, the first step toward meaningful transformation is to recognize this inner conflict and develop a deeper conviction that, while an emotion may genuinely be a part of us, it may no longer be aligned with our growth, relationships, aspirations, or higher goals. One powerful way to begin loosening this attachment is to ask: what is this emotion costing me?  How is it affecting my relationships, life goals, state of mind, mood, energy, body, and sleep? When we observe these consequences honestly — and repeatedly — something begins to shift. The mind gradually develops a deeper motivation to let go.   The goal is not to reject or fight a part of ourselves. It is to simply recognize: this emotion is a part of me — but it does not have to control me.   In a nutshell, meaningful change often begins when we stop merely wishing an emotion would disappear and begin understanding why we continue to hold on to it.  #PulkitSharma #ClinicalPsychology #SpiritualPsychology #EmotionalHealing #PersonalGrowth

Transcript

00:00In reality, towards all our emotions and all parts of our being, we experience a fair deal of ambivalence.

00:07Meaning that we have a love-hate relationship.

00:09So we have a love-hate relationship with our anger also.

00:12We hate our anger, but there are some times that we really love that angry part.

00:17You know, we hate the sad part in us, but there are also times that we love that sad part.

00:21You know, we are so fond, we are so attached to this poor me, you know, thing that we have.

00:28So the first step, the most essential one, the beginning step is to resolve this ambivalence and convince ourselves that

00:35yes, of course these are my emotions.

00:38This poor me is a part of me, it's a very fragile, maybe a very lovely part of me, but

00:44it is somehow not in line with my higher goal.

00:49You know, so it has to grow up, it has to change, it has to evolve.

00:53That conviction is needed.

00:56And how can we reach this conviction?

01:01So this is something I want you all to just take two, three minutes to do and then you can,

01:06you know, do it later on in a much more detailed manner.

01:11So what you need to do is that take up any difficult emotion and list down few ways in which

01:17it has been harming you.

01:19It has been, you know, stifling your progress.

01:24And then you get down to reflect on how it impacts your relationships, your goals of life, state of mind,

01:32mood, energy, body, sleep, you know, you can take one or more of these dimensions.

01:38And then after you have identified the emotion and you have seen how it impacts, you have noticed that, then

01:48you simply need to go through this list repeatedly so that there is a conviction at a deeper level that

01:57yes, this emotion has a drawback.

01:59This needs to change.

02:01This needs to change.

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