00:00New summer life hack, Chuck. Combine America's favorite pick-me-up from Five-Hour Energy Firework Freeze and America's favorite
00:06frozen drink.
00:07That sounds great. I can't wait to try it.
00:10Where's your Slurpee, Chuck?
00:11Oh, I'll take care of that.
00:13Ugh, you can have it.
00:22It's all dumb.
00:24Time now to play What's She On?
00:27Oh, okay.
00:28What's She On?
00:30Her name is Crooked Jess.
00:34Crooked Jess is from St. Petersburg, Florida.
00:38Thank you for listening, Crooked Jess.
00:39She lived up to her alias when she pocketed 60 bucks meant for a police buy and bust operation.
00:49Crooked Jess, 41 years old, also known as Jessica Straubel, accepted the money from an undercover deputy to purchase something,
00:56something, then vanished into a nearby property's backyard and never returned.
01:03You sure it's not Crooked, Jeff?
01:04Time out, Dave.
01:06It's Jessica Straubel.
01:09Okay.
01:11Looks like Ernest.
01:13Ernest goes to St. Petersburg.
01:16Yep.
01:17Everything is different.
01:18Everything is changing.
01:20A deputy waited over an hour before concluding that Crooked Jess had stolen the money.
01:26With no phone number on file, officers had no way to locate her.
01:30Months passed before she was finally arrested.
01:32Along with theft charges, they did find something in her panties.
01:36What part of her do you think is crooked?
01:42Her dick?
01:43Is that what you're saying?
01:44I don't know.
01:44I didn't say anything.
01:45You gave a little dick finger.
01:47I think that was just meant for the boys.
01:51Well, you put it in front of him and he's going to blurt it out.
01:56Trans, Dave.
01:58Trans.
02:00You need like a privacy thing when you don't want Dave to see.
02:02You got to close your blinds if you don't want me to see.
02:05Yikes.
02:06Yeah.
02:08I guess what they're saying.
02:10I mean, what sucks, it would totally suck.
02:14You think Jessica used to be Jess.
02:15Used to.
02:16I just think Crooked Jess looks like a Jeff.
02:18Yeah.
02:20I mean, what's nuts about that is if she's not.
02:27If that's just a 100% lady Jess.
02:30Jessica Straubel.
02:31Okay.
02:32But I mean, that doesn't mean anything either.
02:35What is Crooked Jess on is the question.
02:40She looks tired of Benadryl.
02:43Two Benadryl.
02:45That's what I look like.
02:46Not too educated in all the different drugs.
02:47Two different things.
02:48She was purchasing something from the cop for 60 bucks and then they found something in her
02:53panties when they busted her.
02:54It looks like a downer rather than an upper.
02:56Yeah.
02:56I mean, I would guess say heroin.
02:58Yeah.
02:58That's a good guess.
03:00Okay.
03:01How about some fentanyl?
03:03Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
03:05In her panties when busted.
03:07If you're thinking heroin, you just go right to fentanyl now.
03:09Yeah.
03:09That's where you got to go.
03:11Yeah.
03:11That's where you got to go.
03:12She was trying to purchase crack cocaine from the cop, but when they found her months later
03:19and arrested her, she had fentanyl in her panties.
03:22Sure.
03:23Ooh.
03:25What are you oohing for?
03:27Her panties?
03:28Her panties.
03:29I don't know what's going on down there.
03:33No one does.
03:34Well, his panties are...
03:35What's in her panties?
03:37A lot.
03:38I bet more than you think.
03:39It's nasty.
03:40According to Chuck, a crooked little dick.
03:44I don't know.
03:45I mean, she looks like Ernest, so I don't know what to say.
03:48I guarantee she has a...
03:49It is tough because can drugs just do that to you?
03:52You're just like a normal looking lady and then you take the wrong drugs for too long
03:57and then you look like Ernest goes to camp?
03:59I don't know.
04:00It's like a man's neck.
04:01I know.
04:02The neck's getting away.
04:03I know.
04:03That's what I was thinking to you, but...
04:05Mm-hmm.
04:06I get it.
04:06I'm seeing it.
04:07I'm really seeing it.
04:11I mean, there's nothing in the story.
04:12No, because they won't, you know?
04:16You'd have to find her.
04:18I don't think that she's going to have...
04:20She's not...
04:21You don't think she's a social media type?
04:23I don't...
04:23I'm not sure she's not been on the streets.
04:27Oh, she's probably been on the streets.
04:30That can't...
04:31No.
04:31No.
04:32No.
04:32Is that her?
04:34There she is.
04:37The weirdest things come up when you Google someone's name.
04:40But if she was a man before...
04:44Yeah, I know.
04:45What is that?
04:47Is that...
04:47It's Chuck's post.
04:50LGBTQ friendly roommate wanted.
04:53No.
04:55I'm gay.
04:58I'm gay.
05:02Ah, shoot.
05:04Okay.
05:04That's a crazy thing to say.
05:07People just tuned in.
05:08Who cares?
05:09It's all right.
05:10Who cares?
05:11I need a roommate.
05:13Someone said, I love me a girl with a crooked dick.
05:16I bet they do.
05:18Yeah.
05:18Yeah, so determine for yourself.
05:19Just Google crooked Jess.
05:20The story will come up.
05:21You see what's in the panties.
05:25You can determine yourself.
05:27Convictions for prostitution, so...
05:30Oh, but it could be chick with dicks.
05:31Yeah, once again, you just never know.
05:33Go on, little chick with dicks.
05:34Everybody is up for grabs.
05:36It's very possible it's a lady who's just done too many things and just...
05:40Just looks at one now.
05:41Looks like another...
05:42It's just like another poster for, this is why you stay away from the hard stuff and stick
05:46to the classics.
05:48And this is her Florida arrest from...
05:50Oh, no.
05:50That's her.
05:522010.
05:53That's, yeah.
05:54That's from 16 years ago.
05:55She's just a manly looking lady.
05:57Yeah.
05:57Because of the drugs, kind of...
05:59And it's...
06:00Getting older hasn't helped.
06:03Like, the past...
06:05Oh, I don't know.
06:07I don't know.
06:082013.
06:09I don't know.
06:10Hold on a second.
06:11I'm confused.
06:12That looks like a roadie for Guns N' Roses.
06:16Looks like Trevor Lawrence.
06:19I don't know what's happening.
06:21Is this a lady?
06:22100%.
06:23It's Jessica Marie.
06:24It says female on her.
06:26I know.
06:26Well, stay away from the crack, ladies.
06:28It'll make you look like a man.
06:30Oh, my God.
06:31We got tons.
06:32Holy hell.
06:33Wait.
06:33Oh, there it is.
06:36There it is.
06:37What year is that?
06:382008.
06:38But that's still a lady.
06:40Oh, she's always been beloved.
06:42But look at 2008 as well.
06:44Okay.
06:45Yeah, but keep going.
06:46It's like...
06:46Wait, look at that.
06:47Is it getting older?
06:48No, it goes back to 2007.
06:50That was her first arrest.
06:51She's always been a lady.
06:53That was at 22 years old.
06:54She's gone through a manly phase.
06:56Okay, but what if it's the other way?
06:58What if we're getting this backwards?
07:00Oh.
07:01What you mean, fool?
07:03Oh, yeah.
07:04What you mean?
07:05Right.
07:05You know.
07:06Yeah, going the other way.
07:07Going the other way.
07:08What?
07:08F-T-M.
07:10She's becoming a man?
07:12Yeah.
07:14That's the way it looks.
07:15She would have changed her name then, right?
07:17Can't call her Jessica.
07:18Yeah, well, the thing is, this is Florida, right?
07:20So Florida doesn't care, like, what you call yourself.
07:24Whatever your birth name is.
07:24It's whatever your birth certificate says.
07:27You know?
07:29Because that's Trevor Lawrence.
07:32But, I mean, that's not, and that was, when's this one?
07:392010?
07:41She stayed out of trouble for quite a while until this recent arrest.
07:45Well.
07:46She definitely lived a lady life for a while.
07:49But she's a hooker, too.
07:50I don't want to look like Trevor Lawrence.
07:52You're switching over.
07:54That should not be the goal.
07:56I'd take it.
07:57If you're switching over, that should not be the goal.
07:59You switching, Chuck?
08:01I'd switch.
08:03Depends on those roommates.
08:04Is there a dick in them panties?
08:06You decide.
08:07I don't know.
08:08It's tough to say.
08:09I mean, like, we're getting a couple shots of the neck area, and I'm not really seeing.
08:15No.
08:16It might not even be an official transition.
08:17Right.
08:18It might just be.
08:19It just might be.
08:19I want to look like this.
08:21Yeah.
08:22Exactly.
08:22You know?
08:23Like, I just want to, you know.
08:24Yeah.
08:24A little more manly.
08:25Man, that's a lot of mug shots.
08:27I know.
08:28Yeah, it is.
08:28That's wow, when you're just.
08:31Well, she's hooking, right?
08:32That's the whole thing, right?
08:33She's hooking, drugs, and hooking.
08:33You're getting arrested all the time.
08:36How, how, like, how many, like, in a row was it?
08:41Like, in 2007 to 2010, well, actually, to 2011, that was a lot.
08:49Yeah.
08:50And then it looks like she was clean for a little while.
08:53Maybe a one here with no mug shot.
08:56Fentanyl possession back in a couple years ago.
09:00Yeah.
09:01Something tells me.
09:01She was pretty good for a while there.
09:03Wasn't getting arrested.
09:03Good at not getting caught, maybe.
09:05Or found someone to settle down, you know.
09:10Or moved.
09:12And the mug shots are just from a different place now.
09:17Could be.
09:17You know.
09:19Who knows?
09:20It's a tough one.
09:21Like I said, I mean, what I really, I think.
09:24Like, as a guy, I think if I got arrested and my mug shots got out there and everyone was
09:29like, that's a lady.
09:31I would, wouldn't feel the best about it.
09:33And I'm sure she wouldn't feel the best about, like, I'm born a lady and everyone is thinking
09:38I'm a guy.
09:38That's pretty terrible, too.
09:40I don't think she cares.
09:41That's what the drugs are for.
09:42So bottom line, bro or ho.
09:45I don't know.
09:46Whatever crooked Jess wants to be.
09:48Exactly.
09:49Yeah.
09:50You do you.
09:52Yeah, you do you.
09:52As Dave would say.
09:54You do you.
09:55You do you.
09:55But either way, I know the panties are a mess.
09:59Whether it's a bro or a ho.
10:00I know they're dirty.
10:01I don't, yeah.
10:01I know they're dirty.
10:02I don't think you want to venture there.
10:03No.
10:04No.
10:04You're right.
10:05Don't go in her panties.
10:07That's the message.
10:08We'll find fentanyl.
10:09That's what we know.
10:09Yeah.
10:10Yep.
10:11And whatever else.
10:13Panty roulette.
10:15Speaking of fentanyl, downtown yesterday.
10:17You see another hooker?
10:19No.
10:19I saw three fentanyl folds.
10:21Oh, they're scary.
10:24They don't make sense.
10:26It doesn't.
10:26It doesn't add up.
10:27You're just trying.
10:29You just gotta get.
10:30It's so crazy.
10:30It's so out of control.
10:32Yeah.
10:34Don't do fentanyl.
10:36No.
10:37This is Dave Hunter asking you not to do this.
10:38Yeah, I mean.
10:39Public service announcement.
10:42Please don't do fentanyl.
10:44Yeah.
10:44I mean, you know, for a while there was like so much, you know, I think we were all afraid
10:49of it.
10:49You know, like, oh man, you're going to get a tiny bit of fentanyl mixed into your other
10:52stuff.
10:53And now I think people are just flat out just buying it.
10:58You know, like, oh man, you're going to get a tiny bit of fentanyl.
11:00You know, like, oh man, you're going to get a tiny bit of fentanyl.
11:00You know, like, oh man, you're going to get a tiny bit of fentanyl.
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