00:00What inspires the music that I make?
00:02Definitely real life experiences, like having a crush.
00:04So many songs come out of that.
00:12I was in Nashville when I wrote it.
00:14I was at my publisher's house.
00:15I had been staying there for a week and it was kind of my excuse to see this boy that
00:19I had a crush on.
00:20I was like, if I go stay in Nashville and also write, it will be a good ... I could
00:24do both at once.
00:25We just started hanging out every day and I was obsessed.
00:27It was weird.
00:28It was not just a regular crush.
00:29It was weird.
00:43I had just gotten out of a relatively long-ish relationship.
00:47We had broken up and then I met the guy that I'm dating now relatively quickly after.
00:52So I was like, I don't want to be in a relationship.
00:54I want to be alone.
00:55Also out of respect for him, I was like, I want to give this time.
00:58So it was this weird thing where I was like, I have no control over how I feel.
01:02And so it was just this weird push and pull of like, I said I would never do this, but
01:06ugh, it's happening.
01:18I love the way that the verse is because it feels so conversational and like how you would
01:22like talk to your friend or like your inner dialogue of like, well, like it's happening.
01:27Like what can you do?
01:28Like letting go of all of that like feeling of like, you shouldn't be in love.
01:32You shouldn't go for this.
01:33Like you're better.
01:34You should be alone.
01:35Like you need this time to like be by yourself.
01:37And I think it was like throwing those things out and realizing that like, it's okay to be
01:41with somebody.
01:42It's okay.
01:42It's not going to kill you.
01:58We immediately, when we like started hanging out, it felt like we had been friends for
02:02such a long time, which I think was like the basis of everything.
02:05Like we were just truly like friends.
02:07And so I think it like took me off guard cause I had never been in a relationship or like
02:11had anything with someone where it felt so like we were just like buddies, but also like,
02:16you know, I wanted to like make out with him.
02:19So it was this weird thing where I was like, I don't know what's happening.
02:22I feel like the whole song is just this push and pull of like, should I, shouldn't I?
02:25And so I feel like in the chorus, it's like, well, this is the part where I would normally
02:27like run away from this, but I'm just going to say it's fine because I think you're like actually
02:32one of the good ones.
02:45We're conditioned to like be into people who like aren't into us.
02:49You know what I mean?
02:49Like when you're on the playground, when you're like so little, it's like the mean guy is
02:53the one that like has a crush on you.
02:54The one that's being mean to you or bullying you during recess or whatever.
02:57I don't know.
02:57For me and like this specific relationship, it was like, I had never experienced like all
03:02of the ways that he was like such a good guy and just treated me so well.
03:05And so I was just like, I had never felt this.
03:07And I think that everyone should feel that, you know?
03:10Everyone should be treated well and treated like top priority.
03:27Honestly, it was a funny story because when this guy and I started hanging out, I got locked
03:30out of the house that I was staying in one night.
03:32And so I had to sleep at his.
03:33Like I got fully locked out.
03:35Like he came out of the car and was like trying to open the door with the key that was
03:38like
03:38under the mat and we could not get in.
03:40Like it was impossible.
03:41So I went to his, but it was like a platonic, it was a chill sleepover.
03:44I was like, I don't know you that well.
03:46Like we had only been hanging out for a week.
03:47I was like, this is an accident.
03:49Like this wasn't supposed to happen.
03:51And both of us were saying, we were like, this feels so natural and like weird.
03:54Like it feels like we've done this a hundred times and like we barely knew each other at
03:58this point.
03:58And so it was this weird thing where like the next morning, like normally when you, I feel like
04:01wake up at a guy's house, you're like, get me the fuck out of here.
04:04Or just like, oh my God, I'm so focused on like how I look right now and like what, but
04:08I feel like it was weird.
04:09Like I woke up and I just felt like he like wanted me to like stay.
04:14Like it was this weird thing where I was like, oh, like why do I kind of want to stay
04:18too?
04:18I don't know what's happening.
04:19So it was just, I think that's really like what that verse is.
04:22It's like realizing that you're just like down for this situation that you never thought
04:26you would be down for.
04:35It was just like this weird thing of like, we don't know each other, but we know each
04:37other so well.
04:38Like, I think that was the metaphor of like going back to where you come from and like
04:41on the train back to Boston.
04:42It's like, it's more just about like, I'm fully buying into like whatever this is.
04:48And I'm like so unfamiliar with that feeling and like that narrative.
04:51So that's really what it was.
04:52It was just like, I don't know you and I didn't know you like literally a week ago, but
04:56now all of a sudden I'm like so into you and can't imagine like a time where we didn't
05:01know each other.
05:03My perspective on music has changed so much from this song.
05:06I think I think way less when I'm writing now and I just go with like my gut.
05:09Whereas before I think I was trying so hard to like make a specific type of song or go
05:14in with a concept or, you know what I mean?
05:15But I think with this one, it was just so like free flowing that now I just am like surrendering
05:20to the whatever it is.
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