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00:32But with the skies still stubbornly blue,
00:35I wasn't sure I could see the point.
00:45So, this planting is all very well, but pointless if it doesn't rain.
00:50Yeah.
00:51So, it's reckoned 10,000 litres of water over a hectare
00:57gives you the equivalent of one millimetre of rain.
01:01And it's 24 millimetres you need every week.
01:10You've never seen a James Bond film,
01:12but I've never seen anyone as captivated...
01:14That's fascinating. ..as you are by that.
01:17Do you not just watch that all day?
01:19No. I mean, yeah, five minutes, but you...
01:22Look at his face.
01:25It's really...
01:28You love that machine, don't you? Yeah, I do.
01:29What gets me is it put 200,000 seeds in yesterday,
01:34and it knows where every single one of them is.
01:37That's unbelievable.
01:38So, when it's finished doing this, OK?
01:43And I've lost... I've lost him again.
01:45He's gone back to his...
01:46Corn hub.
01:47It had a sentence... Corn hub.
01:49Corn hub.
01:50That's what he's watching there.
01:55Since there was nothing we could do about the lack of rain,
01:58we got on with other jobs.
02:05Caleb started mowing and baling the grassland to make silage.
02:1018 bales so far.
02:13More food for the cows for the winter months.
02:19Then it was time to move the easy-care sheep
02:22and their lambs to a new pasture.
02:25How are you doing, Jeremy?
02:26You well?
02:27Yeah, good to see you. How are you?
02:28And to help us, our sheep farming neighbours had come round.
02:32You tell me where you want me, Jeremy.
02:34Not that, Jeremy.
02:35The one that knows what he's doing.
02:36Which meant we had the treat of watching their sheepdog at work.
02:43Here they come.
02:48Look, here's the dog. Look, the dog's doing it.
02:50Look at the dog.
02:52I just love watching sheepdogs.
03:02Whoa.
03:07And the sheep are now corraled.
03:13Hey, look, stonking little lambs are, don't they?
03:15I'm impressed.
03:16Oh, yeah, really.
03:17I can't believe you're a committed sheep farmer
03:20who's never had easy-care before,
03:22and you always hated sheep.
03:24And both of you are going,
03:26well, why don't we all have easy-care?
03:28It's a good decision you made here.
03:30I wish it was...
03:31Yeah.
03:32Was it what?
03:32Was it your decision?
03:33No, it was...
03:34Do you know?
03:35It was...
03:36Oh, fuck me.
04:06Up!
04:08I've never seen grass this long.
04:09That is amazing.
04:11Unbelievable, isn't it?
04:12What a sight.
04:17They're going to be the size of zeppelins, those sheep.
04:20What's a zeppelin?
04:21Like a zebra?
04:24Fuck off.
04:25You know what a zeppelin is.
04:26Oh, it's an antelope.
04:34With the sheeps happily grazing away,
04:36I set off with Diddly Squat's resident zoologist
04:40back to the yard.
04:42What I'm going to do is just check my mirrors before reversing.
04:44I find, I don't know, it kind of helps.
04:47If somebody's parked their car behind you,
04:50you just have a look in the mirrors, just checking out,
04:53and make sure there's nothing.
04:54I was never going to fucking live this down, am I?
04:56No.
04:57No, he wasn't.
04:59Because the day before,
05:01Caleb had given me the absolute best of sticks
05:06to beat him with.
05:13Bad job, innit?
05:14That's the producer's Land Rover.
05:16I know.
05:17I wonder how its windscreens got broken
05:19and all the fronts smashed up.
05:20Must have been a pheasant.
05:23Must have been a pheasant.
05:25Is this you too?
05:26He's done everything.
05:28How?
05:28I was baling, it was parked over there,
05:30didn't see it in the mirror,
05:31it wasn't there beforehand,
05:33and then reversed into it.
05:33But when I reversed into the barn,
05:35you were really cross with me.
05:36Well, yeah, obviously.
05:38Look, there's that barn over there,
05:39you've done that barn over there,
05:40you've done the barn over there,
05:42and the gale breaker on the right-hand side.
05:43I didn't do that.
05:45Basically, my employee, Caleb Cooper Contracting,
05:48who'd come round to the farm and smash everything up.
05:50You talk so much shit, it's unbelievable.
05:53So much fun catching him out.
06:00A few days later, a June morning arrived bearing gifts.
06:06Only love can bring the rain
06:12That falls like tears
06:15From all high
06:19Love
06:24Rain on me
06:27Rain on me
06:30I can't sleep and I lay and I think
06:38But night is hot and flag does ink
06:41Oh, God, I need a dream
06:43I fall when I leave
06:46Cool, cool rain.
06:52That's what we've got now.
06:54Cool, cool rain.
06:56Feels good, doesn't it?
06:58And to keep our spirits up,
07:00we decided to release Endgame
07:02back into the fields
07:04to join the rest of the herd.
07:09Endgame, give his hand.
07:11Yeah, push, buddy.
07:12Come on.
07:12Push.
07:20Go on, buddy.
07:23Watch out, watch out, watch out, watch out.
07:25He looked smart, didn't he?
07:26Don't worry the winter.
07:27Yeah.
07:31Mate, I have to say,
07:33we are fucking good at our jobs.
07:35If there are prizes
07:37for loading a bull into a trailer,
07:39I think we've just won gold.
07:43It's still the best animal on the farm
07:44by a country mile.
07:46You can keep Richard Ham,
07:48you can keep everything.
07:49and he's just tremendous.
07:55Hey, hey, hey, hey.
07:57I'm going to do something I haven't done
07:58in four months.
08:00Ready?
08:00What's that?
08:03Windscreen wipers have forgotten what they were for.
08:15Hey, kids, Daddy's home.
08:22There's palpable excitement from these cows and cows.
08:25Ready?
08:26Yeah.
08:29Oh, hello.
08:37Oh, look at him.
08:38He's just beside himself,
08:40running with his kids.
08:41I love when a calf's tail goes up in the air,
08:44like I am fast.
08:45It's like a spoiler.
08:50Um...
08:52Why?
08:55You know we've been ringed here.
08:58Hey?
08:58They're just running away.
09:03And there they go,
09:04sheltering for the rain in the trees.
09:07What a happy day.
09:09It's raining.
09:09And look how happy Endgame is.
09:11Yeah, yeah.
09:15We prayed the rain would continue.
09:18But the next day,
09:22normal service was resumed.
09:27And because there was still nothing I could do about that,
09:30I decided to busy myself with a distraction.
09:34A pet project I'd wanted to do for years.
09:39One of the things that's depressed me a little bit
09:41since I started this farming malarkey
09:43is as you walk around the place,
09:45you see quite a few songbirds,
09:48you know, yellow hammers and goldfinches
09:49and sparrows and so on,
09:51but you don't very often see any traditional farmland birds.
09:58And I was talking about this the other day
09:59to a girl in the next village
10:01who's a very keen bird watcher.
10:05And she said,
10:06OK, well, look, I'll come round
10:07and let's see what's going on.
10:10The problem with bird watchers, though,
10:12is that they're like the army.
10:15They never want to meet you at about eleven
10:17or let's have a spot of lunch and then get cracking.
10:20It's always, right, I'll see you at oh crikey o'clock.
10:25And so, at 4am, I met the bird watcher, Hannah,
10:30who was already excited having heard a bustle in the hedgerow.
10:37I know loads of people across the country come to Diddly Squat.
10:41Hmm.
10:42But this guy has travelled 8,000 miles
10:44to get here to this thicket.
10:47What is he?
10:48A garden warbler.
10:51And birders get really crazy about warblers
10:54because they're so pretty.
10:55They kind of sound like Myra Carey in Fast Forward.
10:57A garden warbler.
10:59From South Africa.
11:00South Africa?
11:02And he'll come back next year.
11:03He's only about that big.
11:04Oh, yeah, they're really small,
11:04and they're dullards to look at.
11:06But they sound really cool.
11:08There's also a black cap, another warbler.
11:11What's this?
11:12Is this your list of things you've heard?
11:13Yes.
11:14Oh, that's a wren.
11:16Like a pneumatic machine gun.
11:18From what I can gather so far,
11:19this isn't bird watching, this is bird listening.
11:22Yeah, this is a singing survey.
11:24That's not his technical name.
11:25I know then.
11:26Ha!
11:27My Merlin bird app.
11:29Let's go over there,
11:30because the garden warbler's hanging out here.
11:34Look, that bird.
11:37That's the skyline.
11:38When it goes yellow,
11:39that's because it's heard that bird at that precise moon.
11:42That's what it's heard so far.
11:44It's this one.
11:46There, a garden warbler, she was right.
11:50She doesn't even have the app.
11:52And so I'd love, I'd always said I want to get that.
11:56Oh!
11:56Listen, listen, listen.
11:57Can you hear the lorry reversing?
12:00It's a bird, but it sounds like a lorry reversing.
12:06That?
12:06Yeah.
12:07That's a greater white throat.
12:09Oh, greater white throat.
12:11Greater white throat.
12:13Hannah, faster than the Merlin bird app.
12:17Do you do it when you're just walking along
12:19and you're constantly tuned into...
12:21Oh, look. Skylarks.
12:23Well, I can't see any.
12:26How did you learn to do this?
12:28Um, I spent a long time living on my own
12:31in a bush in Africa where I had no friends
12:33and I had a bird in my hair
12:34and I just tuned into all the birds, so...
12:36You had what?
12:38I just tuned into the birds because...
12:40No, no, you had a bird in your hair.
12:41I had a bird in my hair, yeah.
12:42I found a little nestling bird
12:45and his nest had been blown down.
12:47His whole flock had abandoned him.
12:49He would have died otherwise,
12:50so I thought, OK, fine,
12:51I'll try and be surrogate mother
12:52to this tiny little finch.
12:54And it worked,
12:56but it meant that I was his whole world
12:57and so he lived on my body
12:59for all of his time awake
13:01and when he went to sleep and napped,
13:03he would make little nests out of my hair
13:05and this went on for three months.
13:08So I hung out with this little bird in my hair.
13:10What happened to it in the end then?
13:12Did it just fly away?
13:12No, well, I reintegrated him into his flock
13:15by stalking his family flock every day
13:18for 12 hours for two months with him
13:19so that he learnt how to be a wild finch
13:21and in that time I had to tune into all the landscape sounds
13:24because a lot of them were predatory sounds
13:26that would have killed him
13:27and also snakes and things that have killed me
13:29and so I learnt all the sounds
13:31and I got addicted.
13:34I then explained why I needed her expertise.
13:39I don't think we're badly off for songbirds here.
13:42You see quite a few.
13:43Yeah?
13:44It's farmland birds.
13:45Yeah.
13:46So I'm super interested in the farmland birds
13:48that are here all year
13:50and that's why I want to go and have a look at that hedge.
13:53What would you call farmland birds?
13:56Lapwings and curlews, obviously, but what else?
13:59Skylarts, linets, corn buntings, yellowhammers,
14:02And how many of them are endangered?
14:05Oh, there are 13 on the red list right now.
14:08Out of six?
14:09Out of, like, 20.
14:11So, I mean, most of them are on the red list.
14:13And it's not just that they're endangered, they're massively.
14:16So, turtle dove, 99% of its population gone.
14:19Oh.
14:19Grape archers, 92%.
14:21And the point is, the reason why they're on the red list
14:23is because of the change in farming practices,
14:27the intensification, the 118,000 miles of hedge
14:30that has gone in the last 70 years,
14:33they are starving to death in the winter
14:35because there isn't enough natural food.
14:37But I'm sure there's something we can do.
14:39Also, for example, one obvious thing is,
14:41oh, I just heard a yellow hammer.
14:44What, while you were talking?
14:45Yeah.
14:50We then headed to another part of the farm,
14:53with Hannah drowning me in trivia about Swifts.
14:57Their first maiden flight, three years, no landing.
15:00Three years?
15:01Three years.
15:02They mate in the sky, they eat in the sky,
15:04they sleep in the sky.
15:05How can you sleep and...
15:06Oh, wait, look, can we just stop the car?
15:08Because this is, like, the most insane...
15:12So, she's just ordered me to stop the car
15:14and literally leapt out while it was still moving.
15:18You've got a really special bird.
15:19What is it?
15:20I've never heard one in real life.
15:22What is it?
15:23It's a corn bunting.
15:24This is, like, the most exciting thing ever.
15:28And almost as though it wanted to give Hannah an extra treat,
15:31this corn bunting made an actual appearance.
15:35There.
15:36Oh, yes.
15:38That's a corn bunting.
15:39The corn bunting.
15:40That is so cool!
15:46We concluded this happy tour by visiting a field
15:49we'd given over to one of the government's environmental schemes.
15:55So, this is rye grass. This was part of the scheme.
15:59Caleb's, look, he's been along and he's making silage.
16:02Oh, fuck.
16:03What?
16:04Oh.
16:05Oh, that's bloody awful.
16:07I might vomit in your car.
16:09What's he done wrong?
16:12So, skylarks and other birds will nest in the crops.
16:18So, oh, if he'd just waited another two weeks,
16:22he won't have killed any of them,
16:24but there's a very good chance if you silage too soon,
16:26you'd kill all the chicks.
16:29Oh.
16:30He said if he cuts it now
16:33and then makes this into silage
16:35to feed the cows in the winter,
16:38by doing it now,
16:40the grass will have a chance to regrow
16:42and he'll get two cuts of silage in the year.
16:44Yeah, great. Lucky him.
16:47Now you'll just have squashed chicks instead of living one.
16:51Um, he cut this yesterday.
16:53Oh, God.
16:53He's going to bag it today, I think.
16:55Oh, God.
16:55So, wouldn't there have been chicks in here or eggs?
16:58There would be chicks.
16:59And he's minced them.
17:00Yeah.
17:01Look, there's a skylight right there.
17:03Probably crying over its dead family.
17:06Right.
17:10The next field due to be cut for silage
17:13was the GS4 field we'd put the sheeps in.
17:18And because I could see both points of view,
17:22Hannah and I went there the next day,
17:25after the sheeps had been moved,
17:27to intercept Caleb.
17:29Hell of an evening though, isn't it?
17:31It's beautiful.
17:32I mean, just...
17:33If we weren't talking about the mullering
17:35of a red-listed, threatened with extinction bird,
17:38it would be a really relaxing evening.
17:41I'm doing my best here.
17:42I know.
17:44Imagine if you were baby skylight
17:46with that coming towards you.
17:48What, Caleb?
17:52Hannah, this is Caleb.
17:53Hannah, lovely to meet you.
17:54Hello.
17:55With us all gathered together,
17:57I called the meeting to order.
17:59Right, you two.
18:02Case for the prosecution.
18:03Case for the defence.
18:05Judge.
18:06You want to go out there literally now.
18:08Yeah.
18:09And cut it.
18:10And you say, if he goes out there now...
18:12Mullering.
18:12..he is going to decapitate...
18:1424 chicks.
18:16From the skylight's point of view,
18:17they have an average of four eggs
18:19and there are probably six nests with the corn bunting,
18:21so that's 24 chicks, let's say.
18:23In this field?
18:24In this 21 hectares, in all of it.
18:25So, when would it be safe to silage this field?
18:30Four and a half weeks after they stopped laying
18:33and started incubating,
18:34which would be about the 16th of July.
18:35OK, so 17 days.
18:38Basically July.
18:38Yeah.
18:38Can you wait 17 days before silaging this?
18:42No, not really.
18:44I'll tell you for why.
18:45The nutritional value for the food now is great,
18:47because, of course, it's green and so on.
18:49If we wait 17 days with this heat here,
18:51it's going to die off and become half dead.
18:53So, therefore, we lose all the nutritional value.
18:55We're going to be short on cow food.
18:57We're already short now.
18:58We might have to start feeding our winter resources now,
19:01because we're so short on grass.
19:02So, you've already mullered the rye grass, Skylarks.
19:04You kind of have to make the decision
19:05whether you want to actively contribute
19:07to the decimation of farmland birds.
19:09No, no, it's what the bloody hell to do.
19:11I'm sorry, you want to go tonight
19:13and it's already half past seven.
19:16So, I've got to make a decision.
19:18I've got to compromise.
19:19I've had an oh what?
19:20So, put the chain on.
19:22What's the chain?
19:23So, it's like, on your mower, on your front mower,
19:25you have, like, a chain hanging beforehand,
19:27which is about two metres out.
19:28So, when it rattles, yeah,
19:30before I get to that nest or that bird or deer...
19:33Yeah, the chicks will be died,
19:34but the mums and the dads will...
19:36OK, so the chain isn't going to solve...
19:38No, more for deer is that, to be honest with you.
19:39I'm just trying to focus on the Skylarks,
19:41because I know they're here, because we can hear them.
19:44Can't see them now.
19:44You can hear them.
19:45I can't just hear them.
19:46It's because we're all here.
19:48Look, there's one there, right there.
19:50That's the Skylark.
19:51It is the Skylark.
19:51Look at it.
19:52Yeah, because there's babies over there, look.
19:54Not in here.
19:55All right.
19:55Anyway, the point is...
19:56So, the chain isn't going to save the babies.
19:59So, the most important thing is cut higher
20:01than you might normally do.
20:02So, five inches or 12 centimetres.
20:04I don't think I can, though,
20:05because the bed's still laid set on...
20:06I don't think that's going to enable the chicks to survive.
20:09The bed of the mower goes across the floor.
20:12What I'm doing is...
20:13What's the bed?
20:14I don't know what the bed is.
20:15The bed of the mower.
20:16Look, if we go into the back, it's probably easier than...
20:17Caleb then took us over to show us what he meant.
20:21This is what sits on the ground, look.
20:22That's what I'm saying.
20:23Well, where are the...
20:24That's a skid.
20:24Where's the blades?
20:25Here, look.
20:26This spins round, right?
20:29And then, so it slices the little bird's head off,
20:32and then the rest of the bird is smeared into the ground.
20:35Like a smash burger.
20:37It might go underneath it, though.
20:38Why can't you just lift the whole frigging thing up?
20:40Because then I'm going to be...
20:41It's not how it works.
20:42Because it's designed to sit on the floor.
20:44Can you push this up so it's five inches?
20:46No.
20:47Why not?
20:48Because that's the stabiliser.
20:50This proves how shit it is for birds if you're nesting...
20:53But every single...
20:53What I'm saying is that every single room is like this.
20:55Yeah, but that's why there's a national population decline of 63%,
20:59because everybody's mowing like this.
21:01What I can do, you see, yeah, when you go down...
21:03You've got that little bit there that you see, which is then...
21:06It's like a fucking shit show.
21:07No, I'll just mow it.
21:08It won't end me two minutes.
21:09What, and you're saying, well, they'll die quickly?
21:11No, no, they won't.
21:13It was time to end the arguing and make a decision.
21:23I'm going to say, do not cut this tonight.
21:26Yeah?
21:28Yeah, yeah.
21:30I'll see if I can come up with a plan.
21:38Fuck.
21:48I needed a plan that would save the skylarks without hurting the farm.
21:54But there was no time to come up with one
21:56because the next day we had other bird business to attend to.
22:02Come on.
22:04Have you ever heard of geese?
22:06Really, no.
22:07I have not.
22:09Lisa had bought another gaggle of geeses
22:11for her goose night endeavours at the pub.
22:14And this lot now needed moving down to their new living quarters.
22:21They really do walk in a funny way.
22:24I feel like I'm Amish.
22:26Amish.
22:26Yeah.
22:26Amish.
22:27Do you know what I mean?
22:27I do.
22:27How do you know what an Amish person is?
22:29I just watch them build barns.
22:30They're really fast.
22:34That is beautiful.
22:36Can we do this every day?
22:37I'd like to do this.
22:38This is fun.
22:40Not far now, geeseers.
22:42Kiss, kiss, kiss.
22:44There we go.
22:45Look at that.
22:46And there they are.
22:47They've got their shade, their water, their house.
22:51Santa's Grosso.
22:52I know.
22:52Has it still got that bit of thing in the middle of it?
22:54No.
22:55Joe, last year I just used half.
22:57This year I'm going to have to use all of it.
22:58Oh, for God's sake.
23:01Mother of Christ, Jeremy, who left these in here?
23:03What?
23:04We've got Mother of Christ.
23:06Literally.
23:10Is this some joke?
23:12No, it's not a joke.
23:13Honestly, I honestly...
23:14Oh, shit!
23:15I've broken their ramp.
23:16He's, um...
23:17Yeah, you need to keep going on flat jabs.
23:18The Manjaro ramp.
23:21I think there's enough for it not to be hobby farming.
23:26Borderline, but...
23:27Goose Night did well last year, so it's not hobby farming, I don't think.
23:31Caleb then headed off, thinking the job was complete.
23:34But, er...
23:35It wasn't.
23:37Oh, shit!
23:38The fence is off.
23:39Oh, fuck.
23:40Oh, no, no, no.
23:41Ah, ah.
23:41Please, please, please.
23:43That way.
23:43Come on.
23:45We've got them now.
23:47Oh, my God.
23:49No.
23:50Ah, ah.
23:50Edith, come.
23:51No, no.
23:52Oh, shitting now.
23:55This is just ridiculous.
23:58Is it on?
24:00It's on.
24:01Right, now they're safe.
24:03They're about to get their first lesson in electricity.
24:08Oh.
24:11Oh, poor geeses.
24:16Nevertheless, they were now protected from the foxes.
24:20And with that done, I went off with Charlie to check on some other newcomers to diddly squat.
24:27Hello, donkeys.
24:29My granddaughter has decided they're not called Bill and Ben.
24:32She called them Ben and Ben.
24:36I feel now I've...
24:39I'm on a petting zoo.
24:41Petting farm.
24:41Come on.
24:42I don't think there's anything wrong with having donkeys.
24:43Did they take your fingers off when you were...
24:45Oh, hello.
24:45Have you felt how soft it is?
24:47I know, it's stunning.
24:48I know that you say petting zoo, blah, blah, blah, blah.
24:51No, I'm joking.
24:52It's great.
24:53You know, that's what a lot of people forget about farming, is that you've got to enjoy it.
24:57Yeah.
24:57Like the birds, the animals.
25:00Have I got one more?
25:02Listen to the sound when they eat a carrot.
25:19Back in the car, I brought Charlie up to speed with the problem of Caleb and Hannah being at loggerheads
25:26over the birds.
25:28So, can you see my dilemma? Cut it now, we get silage, but we kill all the skylarks and the
25:34corn buntings and all the other birds that have nested in that field.
25:37Yeah.
25:37I mean, have you tried walking through that GS4 field with the chicory in it? It's bloody impossible.
25:42Yeah.
25:42It would take an army 300 years to find a skylark nest in there.
25:48Um, now, I don't know, but they can use drones to heat-seek grey partridges now.
25:55So, where people are having grey partridge projects, they're putting a drone up.
25:59So, you can go up at night and then you can literally pinpoint where they are.
26:03Oh!
26:04Well, I wonder who's got a drone.
26:09Yep, we do.
26:11So, I went off immediately to find Chris, the man who flies it.
26:16Charlie was just saying, if we had a heat-seeking drone, it might be able to locate the skylark nests.
26:24Yeah.
26:25In the fields.
26:26In theory, yes.
26:27We know which field they're in.
26:29So, you know they're definitely in a field, right?
26:30Yes.
26:31Yeah.
26:31Yeah.
26:31Yeah.
26:31So, we've got drones that have got thermal cameras.
26:33Not this one, but it's about the same size as this, so it wouldn't disturb the birds.
26:37Yeah.
26:38But you need a very specific scenario.
26:40So, for a thermal camera to work, it needs to see a difference between something hot and something cold.
26:44Mm-hm.
26:45So, we would have to do it very early in the morning before the sun came up and warmed the
26:49ground.
26:49Yeah.
26:50Well, Sunday, it's down to 16 degrees, apparently.
26:52So, that could work.
26:53We'd have to do it probably about 4 o'clock in the morning.
26:56Again, before the sun comes up and warms the ground.
26:59And we would have to hope that the birds were giving off some kind of heat signature.
27:02So, obviously, the birds are designed to conserve their heat with feathers.
27:06But as long as...
27:06Before I got sucked into a drone operator tech-speak black hole, I said yes to Chris.
27:18And the following morning, at 4am, he was duly in position, ready to initiate Operation Skylark.
27:31Once Chris had finished his sweep, the images were downloaded to Mission Control.
27:37So, I could see if he'd found anything.
27:42Um, OK, cold earth, which it was at half-past four in the morning, is pink.
27:48Plenty of blue sheep seeking around up there.
27:51But these greeny-yellow splodges are patches of warmth.
27:57And that is a potential Skylark nest.
28:03This is fantastic.
28:07Because we never, ever would have found that.
28:10Oh, another one.
28:11Their look.
28:13Unbelievable.
28:16So, anyway, we got all this.
28:18And then, here's where it gets really quite clever.
28:22I feel like I'm an adjacent Bourne movie here.
28:26So, this is one of the five Skylark nests that we found in Barn Ground.
28:33Juxtapose that with Google Maps, so we know it's there.
28:39And from that, we've been able to get a precise What Three Words location.
28:46So, I'll go in my phone.
28:49Yes.
28:50And there it is.
28:51In that three-metre square is the Skylark nest.
28:55I go mark it.
28:56Caleb drives round it.
28:58He gets his silage.
28:59All the Skylark chicks survive.
29:03Armed with this Langley-style surveillance, I got hold of Lisa.
29:07And we headed to the field so we could locate and mark the nest sites with flags.
29:14Right.
29:1875 metres away.
29:24This way.
29:26I'm still watching where I put my feet in case I tread on one.
29:3139 metres.
29:34This way.
29:3615.
29:40I think we're getting quite close.
29:43Ooh, six metres away.
29:46We're here.
30:03Oh, fuck's sake.
30:13Fuckin' hell, honestly.
30:15Yup.
30:16All the thermal camera had found were five piles of still-warm sheep shit.
30:24So, with no realistic way of locating the nests, I went with my heart rather than my head.
30:31And asked Caleb to stand down until the chicks had flown away.
30:39And then Hannah and I got on with another bird-related project.
30:45So, you're going to walk in front?
30:47Yeah.
30:48So that we don't mince a skylark or a coen bunter?
30:51Right.
30:52Well, it's set to go two and a half kilometres an hour, so you won't have to sprint.
30:56Don't kill me.
30:58Right, you go front.
31:00Our plan was to create a winter pantry for the birds in the margins at the edge of the fields.
31:06And job one was to mow the grass in the margins using the agbot and Caleb's agricultural mower.
31:14What I will do for the ricky birds.
31:18Once the mowing was complete, I attached the cultivator to the agbot...
31:25...so that it could break up the sun-baked soil.
31:33That's not a good sound, is it? That's not how it should sound.
31:38We're going to break it.
31:41Well, hang on.
31:44Oh, that's fancy.
31:45I'm just going to drop it down on some actual grass, but...
31:54Yes!
32:01What are you doing?
32:03Cultivating, mate.
32:05Cultivating a margin?
32:07Yeah.
32:09Hannah's made this bird food mix.
32:12Right, yeah.
32:13It means that in the winter, when their food source is very low, they'll get to have a little bit
32:18more food in the farm than normal.
32:20OK, so... OK, right, OK.
32:22But the point is here, though, it's not going to fuck up your cash crop, so it's all right.
32:26Yeah.
32:26I can see that.
32:28That is in some incredibly hard ground.
32:30Should you be doing this right now?
32:31It's doing it.
32:32Yeah, I'm not saying it's not doing it.
32:33What I'm saying is the job that it's doing is shit.
32:36What are you on about?
32:38How are you going to break that up?
32:40At the moment, you're just making craters everywhere.
32:42And that's what you've efficiently done, it's basically just wreck a margin.
32:46Come on, you know all this now.
32:49You've been...
32:50Five fucking years!
32:52You just got excited and wanted to use that piece of shit.
32:55I've just looked at your...
32:56Is that side parting on purpose in your hair?
32:59I don't think so.
33:01He's quite Yellowhammer-esque, isn't he?
33:03I'd say Hitler.
33:05Have a look at the ladies and gentlemen.
33:08I don't know.
33:09Weird.
33:10Does it look bad?
33:11I think it looks like a Yellowhammer.
33:12It doesn't look like a Yellowhammer, it's just like our fat Hitler.
33:17Shut the fuck up!
33:20Maybe I should do like a middle parting.
33:22Yeah, okay.
33:23Now you look like from the 1920s, now you look like Martin Bormann.
33:27You want to try and look like Yellowhammer?
33:28Like a Sky Sports guy?
33:30No, Martin Bormann is not a Sky Sports guy.
33:32That's Martin Brundle.
33:34I think you should tuft it up.
33:35Martin Brundle and Martin Bormann are not the same people.
33:39We then got back to the business of cultivating the margin.
33:43And there was no denying that Caleb did have a point.
33:47Jesus Christ.
33:49That is like a sort of hairy paving slab.
33:52Yeah, so I don't think you should drill it today.
33:55I think you should leave it until we get some sort of moisture.
33:58I think your point is that there's no point doing it.
34:00It would just be a waste of seed without the rain.
34:02Yeah.
34:03Yeah.
34:04There's no point doing it because it's not going to grow.
34:14Two weeks later, when we were certain the Skylark chicks had flown the nest,
34:20I allowed Caleb to mow the GS4 field, which to him felt like a complete waste of time.
34:28Look how dead this lot looks.
34:31If we would have done this four weeks ago, we would have had side leaves.
34:34Therefore, the nutrition in the grass is much higher, for example, than the sugars and so on.
34:39Therefore, actually, the cows might actually like it because it's more palatable for them.
34:43Where I think now it's going to be like eating a bit of cardboard.
34:51In the grand scheme of things, though, Caleb's silage problems were quite small.
34:58Because harvest was now approaching.
35:01And I was seriously worried about it.
35:04We've had the driest spring for over a hundred years.
35:09In early summer, a drought had been formally declared.
35:14And in the five months since we'd planted the spring crops, we'd had 70% less rain than average.
35:25Consequently, my pre-harvest crop walk with Charlie was a grim affair.
35:34Onions and beetroots.
35:35Yeah.
35:36Or, as I like to call it, no onions or beetroots.
35:41What?
35:42The bloody hell's gone wrong.
35:43Well...
35:43We planted this twice, remember.
35:45We've given it 1.6 million onion seeds and five have grown.
35:51Yeah.
35:52Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, I'm wrong.
35:54Seven have grown.
35:55There's two there.
35:57It is very disappointing because you put all that effort in.
36:00I know.
36:00Well, the machine did.
36:02I feel sad, actually, because the robo-droid...
36:05Yeah, I mean...
36:05..is a fascinating piece of equipment.
36:08And everyone will just go, well, that's rubbish.
36:10But the truth of the matter is, it just hasn't rained.
36:13I think we've had no more than 20 mil in March, April, May and June.
36:19Er, it's not even an inch.
36:20It's...
36:21That much?
36:2220, 25ths.
36:23It's four-fifths of an inch.
36:26And over in the mustard field, things were no better.
36:30This is very, very disappointing.
36:33It's a bit of a desert.
36:35And the issue is, you've got a commercial need for mustard,
36:39which is one of the biggest sellers in the shop.
36:42It is the biggest.
36:44Shit.
36:46Charlie was just as downbeat in the wheat fields.
36:50You can see that the crop is much thinner than it usually is.
36:53There's a lot more light got in.
36:54We've got some pretty small heads.
36:56That is one ear of wheat.
36:59The grains are quite shriveled and look a bit rubbish.
37:04And even I could see that the barley wasn't much good either.
37:10It's just not tall enough.
37:13It's six inches below where it should be.
37:17I mean...
37:19If Russell Crowe walked through this, he'd have to have arms like a chimpanzee to be able to drag his
37:26fingers through it.
37:27I then dug out a clip I'd posted back in 2019 and that rammed home the point even harder.
37:35This is from June five years ago.
37:41And look at the barley.
37:43Then look how much taller it is.
37:45It hadn't even ripened.
37:47Than it is now.
37:49Marcus Aurelius.
37:54Nevertheless, we'd still have to do the harvest, which meant decluttering and cleaning all the storage sheds so they were
38:02ready to receive the grain.
38:04We've got to get all this out.
38:06Yeah.
38:08Whoa, whoa, stop.
38:09OK, good.
38:23After the storage areas were tidied and prepped, I asked Charlie and Caleb to come to the office for a
38:30chat.
38:34Right, come on, you two.
38:39Harvest.
38:39Yep.
38:41Harvest.
38:41It's upon us.
38:43I know, but I need some dates.
38:45Because last year it was a bit disorganised and we had a falling out.
38:49I don't want that to happen again.
38:51You were stressed.
38:52I was.
38:52Trying to open the pub was bad.
38:54But I think this year...
39:01I think it's very clear.
39:02Oats next week.
39:04I think the wheat will be ready.
39:06Probably the week after.
39:09Same Monday the 28th.
39:11But all end of July, basically.
39:13All end of July.
39:14Why are you going away?
39:16Fuck.
39:17Yeah.
39:20I've got cancer.
39:25No.
39:28Yep.
39:38Where?
39:40Where is of no concern of anybody.
39:44I've known since May.
39:49I had a medical.
39:50Remember back in May?
39:51Yeah.
39:52And he went, hmm.
39:53You know, I disappeared off the other week and I had a biopsy done and it's cancer and it's aggressive.
39:57But it's really early so the treatment will be, you know.
40:03I'm praying that we could get the harvest done and then I could go and get some treatment.
40:08But it's going to be slap bang in the middle.
40:13Look after yourself, aren't you?
40:14Yeah, yeah, yeah.
40:14But you go and do...
40:16Yeah, no, I mean, listen, I'm not that daft.
40:20So it's going to be in about two weeks, maybe three, I'll have to go and have an operation.
40:27And then...
40:30And then...
40:32Will you stay away coming back after?
40:34No, no, no.
40:34The operation's in and out in no time but then you're slightly out of action for a little while.
40:39But in the meantime, Simon, the combine man, is retired.
40:44So you were going to do the combining this year and I was going to do the grain carting.
40:49Yeah.
40:49But it now looks likely I won't be able to do the grain carting.
40:52So we're going to have to get Lisa trained up.
40:54Yeah.
40:55Lisa can drive a tractor, she's perfectly capable of it.
40:57And if you load stationary, which only adds two minutes...
41:01Well, she'd probably be good enough to do it on the move, haven't she?
41:04Well, I just wish you a very, very speedy recovery.
41:07Well, thank you.
41:07I will be, I promise I'll be fine.
41:10If you need anything, you just ring the...
41:12Yeah.
41:15Piss it though, innit?
41:20I don't like this.
41:22No.
41:23I wasn't thrilled.
41:24No, but I wasn't prepared for this.
41:38Mercifully, in farming, you don't ever have time to dwell on personal matters,
41:43because there's always something to do.
41:45And the thing I had to do the following day was put the cows through their six monthly tests for
41:51TB.
41:52Along with an ever-shrinking Dillwyn.
41:58Morning.
41:59It's true, mate.
42:01Yeah.
42:02You're coming along as well, aren't you?
42:03Well, not much.
42:04Not like that.
42:05No.
42:05But I've been at it for longer than you have.
42:08Well, you are literally an advertisement for fat jabs.
42:12Yes.
42:12Possibly.
42:14So, all but one are pregnant again, aren't they?
42:17Yeah, you've got six of them pregnant in the space of about 35 days.
42:21Endgame's a busy boy.
42:23Yeah.
42:24These calves are fantastic, aren't they?
42:26They're good-looking calves, aren't they?
42:27That one, he's a bit under the weather.
42:30So, I've just checked him out, he's got a touch of pneumonia.
42:32Has he?
42:32Yeah.
42:33Oh, no.
42:33Yeah, but hopefully he should be okay.
42:35Does look a bit peaky, that one.
42:37Yeah.
42:37Caleb's bringing some hay down.
42:39Yeah.
42:41Here he comes.
42:43That's dinner.
42:44Well, they are excited by that.
42:46Yes.
42:47They can smell it.
42:49Right, come on, let's get them in here.
42:51Yeah, come on then.
42:52The actual TB test involves Dilwin measuring lumps in the cows' necks.
42:58What number is she?
42:59Hang on.
43:00Seven.
43:01But what you really hope for is no lumps at all.
43:05No lumps.
43:06Clear?
43:07Yeah.
43:08Okay.
43:09Off you go.
43:11Hay time.
43:13Oh, yeah, look at that.
43:14I'm going to wear my food.
43:20Good news?
43:21Good news.
43:22That's all I like to hear.
43:27There we go.
43:29Are you not actually measuring them?
43:32There's nothing to measure.
43:33Oh, I see, I thought you'd have those little tweezer things.
43:36I have.
43:37But I only measure them when there's lumps.
43:39And there's no lumps?
43:40There's no lumps.
43:41Oh, so she's all right, he's all right.
43:42She's all right.
43:43That's number 11.
43:44Yeah, good.
43:51All right.
43:52All right.
43:52Calipers.
43:53You what?
43:54Lumps.
43:55You've got...
43:56This one's got...
43:58Go, go.
44:01Hold on.
44:08Hold on.
44:09She's got two lumps the same size.
44:11So...
44:12Hold on.
44:12I'll just measure.
44:13I'll just check to see what her measurements was last time.
44:16Right.
44:17So, last time, the top one was 11 and the bottom one was 10.
44:20This time round, she's 12-12.
44:23Is that a TB chart?
44:25That is a TB chart.
44:26So, you've got different colours mean different things.
44:28So, red's obviously bad.
44:30Red is bad.
44:31I...
44:32I...
44:32The blue and white is inconclusive.
44:35And a green is a pass, right?
44:36There's 11 before and 10.
44:38OK.
44:39And now she's 12-12.
44:40So, it's plus one.
44:41The top one's gone up one.
44:43Yeah.
44:43And the bottom one's gone up two.
44:45I don't like the sound of this still, then.
44:47And then, if you go down to this, that's a plus one.
44:51That's a plus two.
44:52So, it's that square there, which is the green.
44:56It's green?
44:57It's green.
44:59Pass.
45:00If that would have been one millimetre more,
45:03then we'd have failed her on the bovine.
45:05But she didn't.
45:07That was bloody close.
45:09Bah!
45:10It's shit-to-brick time.
45:11Well, it was.
45:12Yeah.
45:13Luckily, you passed.
45:15But only just.
45:18Don't talk to any badgers.
45:20Go then.
45:22For the next cow,
45:23Dilwyn once more needed his measuring tool.
45:26Have you got the chart out again, Dilwyn?
45:29Yeah.
45:30Oh, shit.
45:34So, she's passed, but again close.
45:37I'll let her out.
45:38We've never had close before.
45:40No.
45:41No.
45:43It's a worry that two of them have done that.
45:46I think.
45:47Right, the ball's going to come through now.
45:49Go on, then.
45:51Widen this out a bit for endgame.
45:54Stay there, mate.
45:55How are you doing, laddie?
45:57BUZZER
45:57I know.
46:03What?
46:05Let's have a look.
46:06Come on, Dilwyn.
46:07What?
46:08I think it's a fail.
46:16Fuck.
46:19Hold on.
46:25He is actually a pass.
46:28What?
46:29Fucking...
46:29Dilwyn, when was the last time somebody murdered you?
46:32He's got one lump 17, one lump 21.
46:37So he is five millimetre increase at the top, five millimetre increase at the bottom.
46:43Right on the borderline.
46:46Go on.
46:47We'll see if we can finish on a high.
46:50So that's number three.
46:51She's fine.
46:52She's fine?
46:53Oh, good.
46:54Off you go.
46:55Go on.
46:58And this one is carrying twins.
47:02Twins, I know.
47:12No.
47:1310, 13.
47:15Close?
47:16No.
47:18What?
47:18See?
47:20I've got bad news.
47:22Fail.
47:23What?
47:24Fail.
47:34I'm putting the whole farm under restrictions.
47:39So you've effectively lost your official TB free status.
47:45That's the long and short of it.
47:46The Ministry will get in touch with you.
47:49And then they'll talk through what you can and can't do.
47:53So you'll have a test in 60 days.
47:57If she isn't inconclusive next time round, then she's called a reactor and she will be slaughtered.
48:04With twins?
48:05With twins.
48:06That means the whole herd is now stuck here.
48:11So we can't bring cows in.
48:12No, we can't bring cows in.
48:15And our big plan of getting more cattle this winter...
48:17Go on.
48:20We've got, obviously, Endgame and two others are marginal, yeah?
48:23Yeah.
48:24Right on the borderline.
48:25And that's a fail?
48:26Yeah.
48:29But what do you do with Endgame?
48:31Well, that is the big question.
48:34He is the most valuable thing on the farm at the moment.
48:36Me.
48:36And if he goes down, we are fucked in terms of reproducing calves.
48:43I fucking give up, mate.
48:45Shit.
48:52It never gets easier, this.
48:55And she's got twins and it's...
48:56And she's got twins, innit?
48:58All right.
49:00As if I haven't got into it.
49:02To be worried about...
49:03Shit.
49:10Keep that head up.
49:11Oh, bollocks.
49:14Fuck.
49:21I just don't even know.
49:26Fuck.
49:27Yeah.
49:28Yeah.
49:29For me, it's a good day.
49:30Enjoy.
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