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02:20M.K.
04:17You guys are focusing on the discomfort of it.
04:21I mean, they wanted to just call me and have me on the phone
04:24because they didn't want to.
04:25That's just what I'm hearing from them.
04:27I'm not trying to get on you, but I'm just saying it has frustrated me
04:30and I want to try to build a relationship with you
04:34and you're a part of the family now.
04:36I can't build a relationship with you or hang out or talk
04:41when that's inside.
04:43Again, like talking to each other, expressing stuff,
04:45getting off communicating.
04:47That's what I feel I'm trying to do right now
04:49in the best way that I can.
04:51I'm not always very good at that.
04:58Why I felt I needed to speak up was because you guys,
05:02knowing Lydia and I and our lifestyle,
05:05we wouldn't participate in a lot of those things normally.
05:08And so it's like for us to even hang out with you,
05:12we have to do all these things that we really don't want to do.
05:15Well, is that on the host or the guest?
05:19Well, like if you guys don't drink alcohol
05:21and I've got alcohol here, you don't have to drink it.
05:24I understand that.
05:25Okay.
05:25But if everything that is happening is something we don't want to do,
05:30then it just feels like we're not welcome.
05:33But that's not true.
05:34You are welcome.
05:35And we're trying to be welcoming.
05:37And seeing the way they walk through their lives,
05:42it seems like they want to go in the direction of choosing good or God.
05:47And so when they don't,
05:49they're making decisions that maybe aren't so good for their lives.
05:53Like what?
05:54Hard game or?
05:56Well, let me get my point, please.
05:58Um,
05:59so when they maybe aren't,
06:01you know,
06:02playing games or watching shows that are good for you
06:07and like make Lydia and I cringe,
06:12I want to talk about it.
06:14If I'm playing a game
06:16and my wife can't talk about the cards that she's dealt
06:21because of her moralistic idea of what the words say,
06:28you know,
06:29I'm sure I'll say.
06:31Why do you want to play that game?
06:32Yeah, it's like if you choose another game to play that's more like you.
06:36There was that.
06:37We that happened for a little bit.
06:38I didn't I didn't enjoy it personally,
06:40but we played.
06:41I don't know if I can tell us other games that night
06:43and there were other things we were doing.
06:46Yeah.
06:46And I'm not again.
06:49I'm not generalizing the whole time by any means.
06:52I think it's just there's specific things that we disagreed with.
06:58I personally don't think a 16 year old should be participating
07:01in some of these things.
07:04Potentially, Zach may be like exerting himself,
07:07his opinion in a jurisdiction that he really shouldn't be concerned about.
07:11I'm at the point where I trust Amber pretty good
07:14and she's going to make mistakes.
07:16Then let her make them.
07:18And then we can talk about it.
07:20Hey, if someone asks, then give your opinion.
07:23If someone's not asking for your opinion,
07:27maybe in this gray area, just you don't need to say anything.
07:33I do appreciate that they care about Amber
07:36and they care about the things she's exposed to
07:39and how she's raised.
07:43I definitely would rather that than them not care at all.
07:47Barry and I've changed.
07:48We've let up on a lot of things,
07:50but ultimately, they're my kids.
07:53They're Barry's kids.
07:54We're the ones that need to decide things on raising them.
07:59I've had, you know, some people say we're too strict.
08:03Other people say we're not strict enough.
08:05I feel like he can't win.
08:06And if Zach really feels like something that they're doing is bad,
08:09he needs to talk to me about it, not the girls.
08:13Zach apologized and he hasn't done anything like that since then.
08:17And if people don't want our opinions,
08:21we won't give our opinions.
08:22And Nathan, I don't know if you were aware of, like,
08:25just the situation.
08:27Like, Zach was hearing so many things about Tegan from everyone
08:31that he just wanted to hear it from you.
08:33I appreciate you looking out for me,
08:35but, you know, I wasn't looking for your opinion.
08:40I wasn't giving it.
08:42I was really just trying to understand
08:44because I heard so many things, like, concerns and ups and downs,
08:48and I just was like, well, what is it then?
08:51Zach helped me work on my New Yorker.
08:53Zach pulled me aside afterwards, and he was like, you know,
08:56I know you feel like you need to go to Wisconsin,
08:58but there's some things that I see with Tegan
09:00that I think you should be concerned about.
09:02And there's a couple things,
09:05but one of them was that she has a child,
09:09and Tegan's little daughter is the best thing
09:13that has ever happened to Tegan.
09:14That's her whole world.
09:16Even if it was coming from a good place,
09:17it was completely disrespectful to Tegan.
09:20It was extremely judgmental.
09:26I just feel like time and time again,
09:30Zach's always misunderstood.
09:32and misrepresented,
09:34and that just hurts me.
09:35And he hasn't gone about everything
09:37in the perfect way every time,
09:39but his heart's always been perfect.
09:57I'm still trying to be a brother.
10:00Trying.
10:22And I never was a brother to other brothers,
10:25and I just...
10:32Am I supposed to just wrestle them and just have a...
10:35I don't know.
10:36I don't know what to do.
10:44It feels like we're pulling an arm and a leg
10:46to get you guys to just come over and hang out.
10:48The door is always open.
10:50Zach makes it seem like they're excluded,
10:53but I know they're not.
10:54But then at the same time,
10:55if they're included,
10:56they need to be catered to 100%.
11:00I'm not going to change my entire lifestyle
11:02to be in their life,
11:03and they're not going to change
11:04their entire lifestyle to be in mine.
11:06You're exporting your opinion
11:07into lands that don't want to import.
11:10Yep.
11:12So, um...
11:14Is this a bad conversation?
11:16I'm going into this knowing that
11:18it has potential to be
11:19a very painful conversation.
11:42I think part of the reason
11:44why we've gone about
11:47doing some of this in the way we have
11:48is because we're always doing stuff
11:51with you guys
11:52and doing what you guys want.
11:57And Barry and the girls are great
11:58at coming to Tallahassee
12:00and stopping by,
12:01but I don't...
12:03Like, it feels like we're pulling
12:05an arm and a leg
12:06to get you guys to just come over
12:07and hang out sometimes.
12:09I'm not holding anything against you guys.
12:12It's just, you know,
12:13since we're right here, you know,
12:1545 minutes away, I think.
12:17It'd be cool to just see that.
12:22Nobody's intentionally trying to avoid them.
12:24If anything, it's just we get really busy.
12:26I have a hard time finding myself,
12:28you know, with a bunch of extra free time.
12:30But when I do, I have gone down there.
12:36Obviously, I think we both want to build relationship,
12:39and so I'm just trying to see
12:41what we can do about that.
12:42The door is always open.
12:46I think I've come
12:47every time I've been invited.
12:52A year ago today
12:53was one of the hardest days of my life,
12:57so...
12:58I'm just kind of in a cloud right now.
13:05That's that.
13:07Yeah.
13:09Lydia has said
13:11that, you know,
13:12we haven't seen them very much,
13:14we haven't made an effort,
13:15but, I mean,
13:16we've had them out here to the farm.
13:17Lydia and I met for coffee.
13:19I've been to their place.
13:20I went and got a cheesecake for Zach
13:22for his birthday
13:23because I know that he likes cheesecake.
13:28Zach makes it seem like
13:30they're excluded,
13:32which, I mean,
13:33I haven't been around the family a lot,
13:34but I know they're not.
13:35But then at the same time,
13:37that if they're included,
13:38like, they need to be catered to 100%.
13:41So, I don't know,
13:42that's a tricky line to walk.
13:45Well, basically,
13:46my boundary for myself moving forward,
13:49unless I come to you and I say,
13:50what are your thoughts on me
13:52moving to Wisconsin
13:53or what are your thoughts
13:53on me playing this game?
13:55I would appreciate it
13:57if you kept your opinions to yourself
13:59and don't tell me it's right or wrong
14:01or whatever.
14:01Don't tell the girls it's right or wrong.
14:04And if you feel convicted of something,
14:07then, you know,
14:08don't participate.
14:10If you think that
14:12you could respect that,
14:13I would appreciate it
14:14for myself and
14:17my siblings.
14:20Yeah, I mean, I understand
14:21and I will respect your wishes.
14:26So, what do you take from that?
14:29That I need to shut up.
14:32Duly noted.
14:34I'm not perfect.
14:36I know I very well
14:38could have judged them wrongly.
14:40I just wish my heart was understood,
14:42that I care and love
14:45as much as I can.
14:46and we still know
14:48how to include ourselves
14:51and
14:53yeah.
14:55What are some things
14:56you'd like to do with this?
14:58I don't know,
14:59maybe more random bonfires
15:00or random stuff
15:02around the farm.
15:03You know,
15:03if you want to,
15:04you want help
15:05building a four-wheeler trail,
15:07we'll come do it,
15:08you know.
15:09Uh-huh.
15:09Sometime
15:11when the cabin isn't booked,
15:13you guys come up,
15:14we can spend the day
15:15fishing,
15:16I think-
15:16For snakes.
15:17Fishing for snakes.
15:17I think we could cook
15:19what we fish,
15:20what we catch.
15:21If y'all catch the fish,
15:22I will cook all the fish.
15:23Yes.
15:24I'll fillet them,
15:24I'll cook them.
15:25Oh, damn,
15:25I was going to like
15:26start a fire
15:26and just stick a stick
15:28in there and-
15:29Well, you can do
15:29yours that way.
15:35I feel like this has been
15:36really productive.
15:37I feel like it's been good.
15:38and everybody
15:39kind of got a chance
15:40to, you know,
15:42voice what was bothering them
15:43and now it's done
15:45and cleared
15:46and off the table
15:46and we can
15:50Move forward.
15:51Move forward.
15:52Yeah.
15:55How are you feeling
15:56in this moment?
15:58It really leaves us confused
16:00because it goes right back
16:02to us being the outsiders
16:04looking in.
16:05It felt like we were
16:06being talked to.
16:09How do you move forward?
16:12I guess we'll have lunch
16:13and just kind of hang out
16:15for a little bit
16:15and then this afternoon
16:16we're going to set up
16:19a little area
16:20and talk about Joshua
16:21so you can be thinking
16:23about that.
16:24Yep.
16:39I mean just from the beginning
16:43you could tell
16:44our lifestyles
16:44were different enough
16:45that we probably
16:47just wouldn't mesh well
16:48and so
16:51I'm not going to change
16:52my entire lifestyle
16:52to be in their life
16:53and they're not going to
16:54change their entire lifestyle
16:55to be in mine
16:56and that's just what's happening.
16:59You can't just sit here
17:00and say oh everything's good
17:01everything's okay
17:02when it's not
17:06and I can see it
17:09in Zach
17:09he got shot down
17:12from the beginning
17:14and for him to
17:17want to care
17:18and try to show that care
17:19in the best way
17:21he knows how
17:22and for it to be taken
17:23as disrespectful
17:24it's
17:31I don't have words.
17:44They're hungry.
17:45Yeah.
17:47They're always hungry.
17:48Oh chickens.
17:50Chickens are always
17:50looking for stuff.
17:52That's amazing.
17:53Isn't there?
17:55Yep.
17:57There's some eggs in there.
18:00After the conversation
18:01I talked to Barry
18:02because I know
18:02I could talk to him.
18:03I'm glad they brought it up
18:05because I didn't know
18:07it was still
18:08bothering some people
18:09and I didn't know
18:10the extent of
18:11how people felt about it.
18:13I had no idea.
18:14I was coming in cold
18:15on that one.
18:15Yeah.
18:16I was not familiar
18:17with everything that went on
18:18in Montana.
18:20Right.
18:21Yeah.
18:22I've definitely learned
18:23a lot today
18:24of just
18:24how I can
18:25sometimes overstep
18:27and how sometimes
18:28I'm too talkative
18:30or whatever so.
18:32Yes.
18:33You're exporting your opinion
18:34into lands that don't want
18:36to import.
18:37Yep.
18:38Yep.
18:40Jurisdictional boundaries
18:41right?
18:41Yeah.
18:42You've got to know
18:43the jurisdictional boundaries.
18:44Who's more
18:46offendable
18:46and who's less offendable?
18:48You've got to take that
18:49into consideration.
18:51Yeah.
18:54Um...
18:57I mean, I agree.
19:01So Ethan's growing, right?
19:03Yeah.
19:04Taller.
19:08I feel bad for Lydia.
19:11Yeah.
19:12But...
19:12I do too.
19:15I think...
19:17it's better to
19:18at least say it
19:19than just
19:21keep it to ourselves.
19:23Yeah.
19:24You took accountability,
19:26you know?
19:26Mm-hmm.
19:27So I can appreciate that.
19:28Mm-hmm.
19:33I would like to think
19:34that
19:35I've grown.
19:37I hope that I have.
19:39Definitely being more
19:40empathetic
19:41and understanding
19:42how I make someone else feel.
19:46I probably
19:50shouldn't have started
19:51a serious relationship
19:52after getting out
19:54with everything
19:54with my ex-wife.
19:56But
19:57I'm still learning.
20:00I'll keep working on it.
20:04It's great to hear
20:05that you're
20:06wanting to talk
20:06about Josh one more.
20:08Yeah.
20:08That's awesome.
20:09I know Lydia's
20:09excited for it.
20:10I'm aware that
20:11Zach likes to have
20:12really deep conversations,
20:14but
20:14I don't know that
20:16excited is the word
20:17I would pick.
20:18I don't understand
20:19Kim
20:19and
20:20how she
20:21just operates.
20:23Mm-hmm.
20:35You guys are talking
20:36which is good
20:37and
20:37Yeah.
20:38I'll probably hang out
20:39with
20:40I guess only
20:42Tegan.
20:42I don't know
20:43anyone else here
20:44that
20:44yeah,
20:45I'll hang out
20:45with Tegan.
20:46Yeah.
20:47Ken will be around
20:48you know.
20:49Okay.
20:51Oh,
20:51thank you.
20:52Who wants your mail?
20:53I think we haven't
20:54checked the last few days.
20:55We've been
20:55we've been busy.
20:57Well,
20:57it's good to have
20:58the whole family in town
20:59and
21:00thanks for
21:00thanks for having us too.
21:02I think it's great
21:03to hear that you're
21:03wanting to talk
21:04about Josh one more.
21:06Yeah.
21:06That's awesome.
21:07Yeah.
21:07I know Lydia's
21:08excited for it
21:09so
21:10I'm excited for it too
21:11Yeah.
21:12Just to see
21:13the whole family
21:14talking about it
21:15and coming together
21:15to do it too.
21:16It's really cool.
21:18Yeah.
21:18I'm aware that
21:20Zach likes to have
21:21really deep conversations
21:22but
21:23I don't know that
21:24excited is the word
21:25I would pick.
21:27She's really excited
21:28to just be able
21:28to share this
21:29with her family
21:29who experienced it
21:30with her.
21:31Yeah.
21:32Yeah.
21:32That's awesome.
21:34Yeah.
21:35That's great.
21:38I've given up
21:39trying to fix things
21:40and make every
21:41relationship work
21:41and every relationship
21:42perfect and
21:43with
21:44like with my mom
21:45and Zach
21:46whether they choose
21:47to spend time
21:48together and grow
21:49or not
21:53time
22:02grief is
22:03definitely
22:04more complicated
22:05I feel like
22:06at times
22:06so
22:07I don't understand
22:08Kim
22:09and
22:10how she
22:12just operates
22:14you know
22:14she's got her life
22:15and I'm
22:16trying to understand
22:18a lot of the decisions
22:19she's making
22:19but it's just
22:21doesn't click
22:22for me.
22:23I think when a parent
22:24loses a child
22:24there's never going to be
22:25a time
22:26that
22:28you know
22:28filled again
22:29there's always going to be
22:30that void
22:30Yeah
22:31like
22:31I will always be
22:32a parent that lost
22:33a child
22:34and there's no
22:35amount of
22:36thinking
22:37talking
22:38writing
22:40praying
22:40anything
22:41that could change
22:42that
22:42like that's
22:43you know
22:44I know
22:44where Zach
22:45is coming
22:45from
22:45and he
22:46means well
22:47I guess
22:48I need to
22:48find out
22:48what it is
22:49that he needs
22:50from me
22:50in order
22:50to feel
22:51accepted
22:53loved and
22:53accepted
22:55and I
22:55want to fix
22:56that
22:58it's kind
22:58of like
22:59I lost
23:00so much
23:00of my
23:01life
23:01to that
23:01you know
23:02like
23:03most of
23:03the first
23:03year
23:04right
23:08you don't
23:09want to be
23:09in that
23:09place
23:09yeah
23:10yeah
23:12but
23:12I'll also
23:13be wherever
23:15they need
23:15me to be
23:16for them
23:16you know
23:17if they need
23:18me to go
23:18back there
23:19for a while
23:19I'll
23:20you know
23:20I'll do
23:21that
23:21so
23:21that's
23:22good
23:22yeah
23:23Lydia over
23:24the last
23:24few years
23:25just worked
23:26really hard
23:26to
23:28really just
23:29be
23:29seen
23:30in the
23:30family
23:31and
23:31I don't
23:33feel like
23:33Kim
23:34really
23:35tried
23:36to see
23:37her
23:37or
23:39tried
23:39to even
23:43see
23:43I don't
23:44want to
23:44talk about
23:44this
23:45because
23:45I don't
23:47I can
23:48defend
23:48my wife
23:49but
23:50in all
23:50honesty
23:51I don't
23:52know
23:52what they've
23:52been
23:52through
23:54period
23:55it is
24:05how old
24:06is
24:06Lexi
24:07she's
24:08lying
24:08the other
24:09way she was
24:10six months old
24:11my brother
24:12had her
24:12and she
24:13was chasing
24:14the laborers
24:15chickens
24:19is this a
24:20back conversation
24:21no
24:22so
24:25stop looking
24:26stop looking
24:28we all lived
24:30through Joshua
24:31Amber lived
24:32through in the
24:32womb
24:34and you two
24:35never got to
24:35meet him
24:36but obviously
24:37you've heard
24:37about him
24:38I'm here
24:40and I'm ready
24:40for whatever
24:41the children
24:42want to talk
24:43about
24:43if they want
24:44a play-by-play
24:45if they want
24:46to talk
24:46about
24:46grieving
24:47or not
24:48grieving
24:49if Lydia
24:50wants to
24:50take it
24:51into
24:52what she
24:53experienced
24:53that day
24:54and what
24:54we all
24:55experienced
24:55that day
24:56kind of
24:57mourning
24:57that all
24:58over again
24:59I'm willing
25:00to do that
25:00I want to
25:02be here
25:02for my
25:02kids
25:03I want
25:03to be
25:04here
25:04for
25:04whatever
25:05they need
25:05I'm going
25:07into this
25:07knowing
25:08that it
25:08has
25:09potential
25:09to be
25:09a very
25:10painful
25:10conversation
25:12and I'm
25:13ready
25:13for whatever
25:14that is
25:15I just
25:16kind of
25:16wanted to
25:17have
25:18time for
25:19everybody
25:19to talk
25:20and share
25:21like how
25:22you're doing
25:22with it
25:23like if
25:23you're
25:24healing
25:24or not
25:25healing
25:25or
25:27I just
25:28want to
25:29acknowledge
25:29him more
25:30like
25:30we always
25:32say
25:33there's
25:34nine children
25:34three brothers
25:35like
25:36but there's
25:37ten
25:38and there's
25:38four brothers
25:39and you know
25:40just finding
25:41little ways
25:42like that
25:42to honor
25:42him
25:45yeah
25:47well
25:48you know
25:49it's a good
25:50thing to
25:51talk about
25:52the grieving
25:52process
25:53and stuff
25:54but you
25:55can get
25:55stuck there
25:56too if you
25:57focus on
25:57it too
25:58much
25:58but I've
25:59been working
25:59to remember
26:01him not
26:02the tragedy
26:03and I don't
26:04want him to
26:04just be
26:04remembered
26:05from
26:07the day
26:08that he
26:08passed
26:08instead of
26:09the life
26:09that he
26:09lived
26:11yeah
26:15this is
26:15all I
26:16needed
26:18just to
26:20to bring
26:21him up
26:21in conversation
26:22like the
26:23fact that
26:23we are
26:23gathering
26:24for the
26:24purpose
26:24of Joshua
26:25is
26:26it right
26:27there
26:28well I
26:29have something
26:30for the
26:31three that
26:32never got
26:32to meet
26:33Joshua
26:39he loved
26:41duckies
26:42but he
26:42didn't call
26:42them
26:42duckies
26:43he called
26:43them
26:43guckies
26:45so
26:49no I'm
26:50giving it
26:50we would
26:52also go
26:53out to
26:53the grave
26:54site right
26:55and put
26:55ducks
26:56yeah
26:56remember
26:57his doggy
26:59book
27:00yeah
27:00goggies
27:03he loved
27:04his dog
27:05book
27:05he loved
27:06his red
27:06rain boots
27:08there's like
27:09twice that I
27:10can remember
27:10just like
27:11holding his
27:12hand on
27:12like a
27:13bright sunny
27:13I was like
27:14squinting my
27:14eyes and we
27:15were walking
27:15on the fence
27:16on it
27:16yeah
27:17you used to
27:17love leading
27:18him all around
27:19the farm
27:20by you know
27:21by his hand
27:23you remember
27:23that little red
27:24car with the
27:24blue wheels
27:26I remember
27:26I used to
27:27push him
27:27around and
27:27out all the
27:28time
27:28and I'd
27:28buckle him
27:29in and
27:29he would
27:29just like
27:30I'd tell
27:30him to
27:30drive
27:31but like
27:31a lot
27:32of times
27:32he could
27:32just
27:33like
27:33just
27:34like
27:38how are
27:39you doing
27:40I'm doing
27:40great
27:42I mean
27:43you know
27:43the context
27:43is Joshua
27:46yeah
27:46Joshua's
27:48I went
27:49to the gym
27:49Saturday
27:50no everything
27:51that I went
27:51through with
27:52Joshua
27:52early on
27:53I had to
27:54stop asking
27:55why
27:56right
27:57because it
27:57just wasn't
27:58counterproductive
27:59yeah
27:59to the
27:59whole
28:01situation
28:01just play
28:02my role
28:03as best
28:03I could
28:04to support
28:05what needed
28:05to be done
28:08I always like
28:09to think
28:10back on
28:11Joshua
28:12right
28:12and remember
28:13the good
28:14that
28:15the good
28:16the good
28:1617 months
28:17we had
28:17I mean
28:18because it
28:18was a real
28:19special thing
28:20there'll probably
28:21always be a
28:21scar
28:21from a
28:22trauma
28:23like this
28:23there's a
28:24little mark
28:25there
28:25that proves
28:26that yeah
28:27it was a
28:27big loss
28:30well you
28:30asked us
28:31but how
28:32how are
28:32you doing
28:33I'm doing
28:34good
28:34yeah
28:34like most
28:36of the
28:36first year
28:36it was
28:38I mean
28:39you guys
28:39know
28:39I could
28:40barely
28:40function
28:40up until
28:42recently
28:43I really
28:44didn't think
28:45I was ready
28:45to talk
28:46about it
28:46but I went
28:47and saw
28:48Dr. Ty
28:49in talking
28:49to her
28:50I realized
28:51how important
28:51it was
28:52for you
28:52guys
28:53that I
28:54talk
28:54about
28:54him
28:54you know
28:58I'm
28:59yeah
29:00I cry
29:01sometimes
29:01just thinking
29:02about everything
29:02you've been
29:03through
29:03and how
29:03strong
29:04you are
29:04and still
29:05being able
29:05to raise
29:06all of us
29:08and
29:09just pushing
29:10through it
29:10so thank
29:11you
29:13yeah
29:20I don't
29:21really plan
29:21on talking
29:22to Zach
29:23I don't
29:23really care
29:24what Zach
29:24thinks
29:24at the end
29:25of the day
29:25I had heard
29:26about what
29:27Teagan had
29:27done to Ethan
29:28it seemed
29:28Teagan was
29:29terrible
29:29we brought
29:30up these
29:30things that
29:31we thought
29:31were serious
29:32I don't
29:33think I can
29:33own that
29:34I was wrong
29:46you're really
29:47strong just
29:48from everything
29:48you've been
29:49through
29:49and going
29:49through that
29:50and still
29:51being there
29:51for us
29:52in the ways
29:52that you
29:52could
29:54Lydia
29:54kind of
29:55brought this
29:56on
29:56you know
29:56by talking
29:57about it
29:57publicly
29:58and that
29:59wasn't the
30:00right way
30:00to go
30:01about it
30:01but the
30:02end result
30:03has been
30:03beautiful
30:05it's a
30:05happy moment
30:06that's what
30:07I always
30:07wanted for
30:07Joshua
30:08you know
30:09it makes
30:10me happy
30:10that we're
30:12all able
30:13to share
30:13that together
30:14you know
30:15losing
30:15somebody
30:15the one
30:16thing
30:16that it
30:16does
30:17the one
30:17good thing
30:18that does
30:18come out
30:18of it
30:19is
30:19it makes
30:20you appreciate
30:20the people
30:21in your life
30:22that are still
30:22here
30:22and I want
30:24Lydia to know
30:25that she's
30:25loved and
30:26appreciated
30:27we have
30:28pretty great
30:28parents
30:31affirmative
30:35I feel like
30:35this definitely
30:36you know
30:36just opens
30:37the door
30:37to
30:39to just
30:40discuss
30:40Joshua Moore
30:41to bring him
30:41up in
30:41conversation
30:42and yeah
30:43honor him
30:44in that way
30:44and I'm
30:46just really
30:46really proud
30:47of my mom
30:47for doing
30:49this
30:49it's been
30:50a little bit
30:50of a rough
30:50road getting
30:51here
30:51but we're
30:52here
30:52and we're
30:54talking about
30:54Joshua
30:57so
30:58we're gonna
30:59put Joshua's
30:59name
31:00on the bench
31:02I think
31:02everybody's
31:03doing good
31:03after the
31:04meeting
31:04you know
31:05everybody
31:06seems to
31:07you know
31:07be getting
31:07along
31:08and that's
31:08what I was
31:08hoping for
31:09let me grab
31:09it from
31:10the bottom
31:12smile
31:14I know
31:14if Joshua
31:15can see us
31:15right now
31:16he's
31:16definitely
31:17proud
31:17I know
31:17he'd put
31:18a smile
31:18on his
31:18face
31:19we're gonna
31:20put the
31:20bench
31:20out for
31:21him
31:21just a
31:22little remembrance
31:23thing
31:27that's looking
31:28good
31:29yeah
31:29that is
31:30looking good
31:31maybe when Micah
31:32comes he thickens
31:33the letters
31:33and writes his name
31:34the unfortunate thing
31:36is Micah's not here
31:37he wasn't able to make it up
31:38for today's event
31:39he had to work
31:40the good thing is
31:40he'll be back up
31:41at some point
31:42and carve his name
31:43on the bench
31:51my mom's all about
31:52little places
31:54to sit down
31:54outside
31:54and just you know
31:56go over
31:56and reminds you
31:57of them
31:58instead of like
31:59she go to his grave
32:01it's a little bit
32:02brighter I think
32:02it's great
32:03look at that
32:04yeah
32:04alright dad
32:05you can do the rest
32:06middle one
32:06yeah
32:07it's just right
32:07in the middle
32:15three or four days ago
32:17if you had told me
32:18that I would be
32:18standing here
32:19ready to have a hard
32:20conversation about Joshua
32:21I wouldn't have
32:22believed you
32:23in talking to Dr. Ty
32:25I really understood
32:26that I need to do this
32:28not for me
32:28but for my kids
32:40it's hard
32:41to talk about
32:41the hard stuff
32:42but I want us
32:43to all
32:44love each other
32:45and get along
32:46we might not
32:46like each other
32:47we might irritate
32:48each other
32:48but ultimately
32:49we're in this
32:50for the long haul
32:51we'll keep working
32:52on it
32:56that's beautiful
33:02that turned out
33:03really nice
33:04yeah
33:04we can plant
33:06flowers
33:06if we want
33:08it's just good
33:09to remember him
33:24she's an old lady
33:26I'm an old lady
33:27she turned out
33:28to be the best daughter
33:29I was going to say
33:31she's so good
33:32so I'm sandwiched
33:34in between
33:36Ken and Zach
33:37and we're just sort of
33:39hanging out all together
33:40while the family
33:41you know is outside
33:42honoring Joshua
33:43I don't really plan
33:45on talking to Zach
33:48Tegan and I
33:49have had
33:50a couple interactions
33:51before
33:52and they've all
33:52been great
33:53it does just
33:54kind of feel like
33:55she doesn't
33:56entirely want to be here
33:58you know
33:58it's right before
33:59their surprise
34:01celebration party
34:02so I'm not trying
34:03to dampen
34:04Zach's mood
34:05by any means
34:06you know
34:06I'm here to
34:07celebrate him
34:08and Lydia
34:09I don't really care
34:10what Zach thinks
34:10at the end of the day
34:14from what I heard
34:16it seemed Tegan was terrible
34:18and so I was trying
34:18to understand
34:19why he doesn't
34:20think so
34:20we brought up
34:21these things
34:22that we thought
34:23were serious
34:24I don't think
34:25I can own
34:26that I was wrong
34:28but of course
34:29we were the ones
34:30to bring it up
34:31because
34:33no one else would
34:42okay
34:44we're doing a surprise
34:45anniversary party
34:46for Lydia and Zach
34:47I had a nice party
34:48plan for out there
34:50but it's pouring down rain
34:51so I'm having to regroup
34:53get everything
34:54I know where I want stuff
34:55I need lots of hands
34:56to do stuff
34:57given all the heavy stuff
34:59that we've covered today
35:01and it's been a lot
35:02I just want something
35:03light and fun
35:05to celebrate
35:06Zach and Lydia
35:07I need you two
35:08to take Lydia and Zach
35:09upstairs to the closet
35:10and distract them
35:11we'll tell you
35:12when to bring them down
35:12I'm going to play
35:13my tiny violin
35:14okay go go go
35:15this is a way
35:16that I show love
35:17by putting on
35:19an event for somebody
35:20tomorrow's your anniversary
35:22it's Lydia and Zach
35:23yeah
35:23I'm going to practice
35:25Mariah are we going to
35:26practice our little music
35:28she can make the strings
35:29on a violin
35:30sound like a dying cat
35:31I'm supposed to come to you
35:33yeah
35:33hubby we need your voice
35:35to somehow make
35:36something sound okay
35:38Mercy and I are attempting
35:39to distract Lydia and Zach
35:40so they can quick set up
35:41the downstairs area
35:42because it would be
35:43kind of obvious
35:44if they were sitting
35:44on the couch
35:45so
35:51do you want to help
35:52what are we doing
35:53we're decorating
35:54for an anniversary party
35:55for them
35:55okay
35:58it's amazing
35:58that no matter
36:00what the adversity
36:01or trials are
36:02you know
36:03when the siblings
36:03get together
36:04they just
36:05they have that chemistry
36:06and now Zach's
36:07a part of it
36:08and so you know
36:09when all is said and done
36:10those things
36:11that were issues
36:12kind of get put aside
36:14and it's good to see
36:16them able to come together
36:17and just have fun
36:19hey what you think
36:2410 minutes
36:25that on that table
36:35Ethan and Tegan come here
36:36and Barry
36:38everybody come here
36:43oh my goodness
36:44how about
36:45we tell them to come down
36:47and when they come down
36:49we sing happy anniversary
36:50to you
36:51yeah
36:51that's nice
36:53all right shall we
36:55we shall
36:57guys
36:59what are you doing
37:00we're gonna leave
37:00we're coming downstairs
37:01oh good
37:02come on
37:05everybody was wondering
37:06where you were
37:07I think they're out
37:08we might have kept you
37:09too long
37:10we were stolen away
37:11we were enjoying
37:14beautiful
37:15happy anniversary
37:18to you
37:19happy anniversary
37:22to you
37:23happy anniversary
37:26dear Zellia
37:28happy anniversary
37:31to you
37:33and many more
37:41just like a year ago
37:42oh my goodness
37:44I truly was amazed
37:47that everyone put in
37:49so much effort
37:49to just celebrate us
37:51for our anniversary
37:52and for us to be
37:53what they're celebrating
37:54I think was really special
37:55definitely didn't expect it
37:57it's a really sweet gesture
37:58you guys did this
38:00in like 10 minutes
38:01yeah
38:01we're like go upstairs
38:03I just hope next time
38:05if conflict does arise
38:07that
38:08I'm not
38:09misunderstood
38:10I guess
38:11how are you going to ensure
38:12that you're not
38:13misunderstood
38:14at this point
38:15I can't think about
38:17if
38:18let me answer please
38:20yeah
38:20I mean if we're
38:21continued
38:23to be misunderstood
38:24then we just won't
38:26keep trying
38:29well
38:29I propose a toast
38:30to Lydia and Zach
38:31and to
38:32one successful year
38:33of marriage
38:34and many more
38:34yes
38:36cheers
38:37cheers
38:38cheers
38:39cheers
38:39cheers
38:39cheers
38:39cheers
38:39cheers
38:40cheers
38:40the conflicts
38:41that were happening
38:41earlier in the day
38:42kind of pale in comparison
38:44just a good feeling
38:45that happens
38:45in the moment
38:46when you're celebrating
38:47it's hard to say
38:48if it would have been
38:49any different
38:50had the conflict
38:50not happened
38:52learning to communicate
38:53some more
38:53yeah
38:54or getting opportunities
38:55to practice it
38:56right
38:56and we're moving forward
38:58and so for me
38:59the search for
39:01Sandra Bullock continues
39:09we've all definitely
39:10come a long way
39:11since what happened
39:13last year at this time
39:14you know
39:14there have been rough patches
39:15but it's ultimately
39:16been good
39:18and
39:19we'll
39:20you know
39:20continue growing
39:21and continue just
39:24leaving it open-ended
39:25without any expectations
39:26I think that's the biggest thing
39:27we've learned
39:27because you'll just
39:29wound up
39:30hurt and confused
39:33honestly I'm tired
39:34of working on relationships
39:36I just kind of want to be
39:37for a little bit
39:38and see who floats
39:40in and out of my life
39:44see who comes over
39:47with no expectations
39:50it can be hard
39:51being a parent
39:52to so many different people
39:54and
39:55I'm still learning
39:56I haven't figured it out
39:57if anybody
39:58gets it figured out
39:59let me know
40:00I'm coming home
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