- 1 day ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00I know I seem mental, but I'm fine.
00:02Okay.
00:03How's everything at the cafe?
00:04You really don't have to, do you?
00:05I got the Finland promotion.
00:07That's amazing.
00:08I'm turning it down.
00:10What?
00:10One of my pieces has gone missing.
00:12You must have bent over backwards to get something like that.
00:14Who's the artist?
00:17I stole that sculpture from a certain somebody's studio.
00:22Mum died three years ago.
00:24She had a double mastectomy, but never really recovered.
00:26Don't let other people get in the way of what you really want.
00:28My husband isn't other people, okay?
00:31My husband is my life.
00:33Your husband tried to kiss me on your birthday.
00:37Did he?
00:41Have you seen my sister?
00:49I mean, we're all being very grown up about this, but...
00:52Let me know if you feel any discomfort.
00:55Oh, no, it's lovely.
00:58Your father informed me of your family history.
01:01Yeah, evil boobs everywhere.
01:03Arm up, please.
01:07Hey!
01:08Stop it!
01:10I'm sorry, I'm just ticklish.
01:14Examined your sister this morning.
01:15Did she?
01:16Did she...?
01:17Is she all right?
01:18Did she seem all right?
01:19Yes.
01:19Why?
01:21Uh, just...
01:22Can't get hold of her.
01:25She seemed very busy.
01:26Hmm.
01:27Sure.
01:28Dad books us boob appointments once a year to make sure our tits don't turn on us like Mum's did.
01:33It's a bit of a hassle, but at the end of the day, it's nice to be touched.
01:39Bet you look forward to seeing Claire.
01:42A lot more to touch, if you know what I mean.
01:46I'm sorry.
01:47It's just there are worse jobs.
01:50Look, uh...
01:51I check for cancerous lumps in mammary glands.
01:55Now, any pleasure I derive from that is entirely dependent upon whether or not I am about to save your
02:01life.
02:04Of course, Doctor.
02:07You can put your clothes back on.
02:15Hey!
02:17Hey!
02:18She's here.
02:20I've been waiting out here for nearly ten minutes.
02:22Hey, you left me on a fucking Silent Hill.
02:24I guess when I had to.
02:25Did you get back okay?
02:26God, this is so stressful.
02:27Mum's memorial lunch.
02:28I should have worn my other coat.
02:30Visiting Dad is hell for Claire.
02:32I see it more as a sport.
02:33It's so inappropriate that she should be here.
02:35Have you spoken to Martin?
02:36Oh, it's fine.
02:37Everything's fine.
02:38Everything's totally fine.
02:39Sounds like it's fine.
02:41Can you please just give me some space?
02:43You were standing so close to me.
02:46Ready?
02:47No.
02:52Don't tell Dad about Finland.
02:54And don't provoke her.
02:56Let's just get out of this alive.
02:57Okay.
03:01Girls.
03:02Gotta hand it to her.
03:04Hi.
03:05Oh, you shouldn't have.
03:06Oh, they're actually for Dad.
03:08Oh, are they Frisiers?
03:09Yeah, they were sort of a favourite.
03:11Oh, gosh, how special.
03:13How lovely.
03:14Aren't they stunning?
03:16Oh, let's just leave them there.
03:22Lovely.
03:23Come in.
03:34Who's Dad sawing in half?
03:35Oh, just the tree.
03:36Sorry?
03:37The tree in the back garden.
03:38Why are you taking the tree down?
03:40Oh, Felicity tried to use it to get out.
03:42Which is very expensive.
03:45This is nice.
03:48Oh, this is beautiful.
03:51I hope you don't mind my being here, but my Pilates fell through.
03:55Oh, of course.
03:55Lovely.
03:56It was a sad day.
03:58A sad, sad day.
03:59I'll get the champagne.
04:11This is my favourite bit.
04:17I wonder who's going to...
04:19That's a lovely cushion.
04:21Thanks, it's an original.
04:23Gosh.
04:29I love your hat.
04:30It's a hair scarf.
04:32It looks like a hat.
04:34Well, it's a hair scarf.
04:38OK.
04:41Is Martin coming?
04:43Oh, no.
04:44He's away.
04:46I'm very excited to meet your new chap.
04:50Is he...?
04:52Oh, no, he's a different one.
04:53Ooh.
04:54You do turn over fast.
05:00Dad will come in with some weird canapes in a second.
05:03Girls!
05:07Hello.
05:09Hi.
05:12I'm sorry about all that noise.
05:15You got a drink?
05:16Oh.
05:17Oh, sorry.
05:18I forgot your glass.
05:19Yes.
05:20Well, you're both looking very healthy.
05:24Very...
05:24Very good and healthy.
05:27And, um...
05:29Did you, uh, talk to Dr. Samuels about your...
05:34Yes.
05:35And they're happy?
05:38Getting along?
05:40All right?
05:40Yeah.
05:41Yeah.
05:42Yeah.
05:42OK.
05:43Excellent.
05:45You are my...
05:49...daughters.
05:53Yep.
05:54Mm-hmm.
05:55Yeah, we are.
05:57Sit down.
05:59Um...
06:00I think I should, uh, say a few words about your mother.
06:04Ignore me.
06:05Ignore me.
06:06Ignore me.
06:06This day is not an easy one.
06:09Oh!
06:12Cheers.
06:13To Mum.
06:14To Mum.
06:16To Margaret.
06:18Dearest Margaret.
06:20Just the most generous woman.
06:21Yeah?
06:22Well, she certainly was...
06:23Yes, she was great.
06:29It was...
06:30It was a voice she used, uh, for the pigeons.
06:33She always made them so-and-so rude, you know?
06:36But very, very funny.
06:38She used to take the girls round the park and point at the, um...
06:42...of the squirrel voices were the best.
06:44Run!
06:45Run!
06:46Fucking run!
06:47Run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run.
06:50Yes, yes, my ex had a similar thing.
06:52Voices and fun.
06:54Really, really funny man.
06:57Really funny.
07:00Can I help you with the food?
07:01Uh, oh, yes, yes, I should, yes.
07:03And take that off.
07:18So, are you going to Finland?
07:21You're gonna have to talk to me eventually.
07:31Plats.
07:32Either she's got her period or some serious shit's gone down.
07:35She always does something slightly different around her period.
07:38She gets really bad PMT.
07:41Mum used to call it her monthly confidence crisis.
07:43But it's PMT.
07:45The only way she can get through it is to reinvent herself in some small way.
07:57What?
07:58I'm doing a wee on this cushion.
08:00What?
08:03Sort of wish you well.
08:12What are you doing?
08:14Just put it back where you got it from, okay?
08:16No!
08:16Just do it.
08:18I don't want it in my house.
08:19I'm doing you a massive favour.
08:21She could really go to town on you for this.
08:23Come on, what's she gonna do?
08:24Draw me?
08:26Go.
08:27No.
08:29Okay, okay, okay, okay.
08:30Jesus.
08:38Why are we sneaking?
08:41We're not allowed upstairs.
08:42Of course we are.
08:53God!
08:54I keep forgetting that she's actually talented.
08:57I know.
08:57It's infuriating.
08:59Go on then.
09:01Where's her head?
09:03She's got your boobs.
09:04She doesn't need one.
09:05Okay.
09:12Okay.
09:13Okay.
09:13Hey.
09:14Is everything okay with Martin?
09:19You've invited someone today?
09:21Yeah.
09:22Yeah, he's horrifically hot.
09:23You're gonna puke when you see him.
09:25Are you on your period?
09:26Why would you ask that?
09:27The platts.
09:28No reason.
09:29Say it.
09:29The platts.
09:32Hey.
09:33Do you think she's ever painted to her make it?
09:36I think you should take your nose out of other people's marriages.
09:41Oh.
09:42Sneaking a preview, are we?
09:44Sorry.
09:45I spilt my champagne and I got distracted on my way to the bathroom.
09:50Me too.
09:53It's really beautiful work.
09:56Let me show you to the loo.
09:58Oh.
09:58That's all right.
09:59I grew up in this house.
10:01It's all changed now though.
10:06Your father's in the kitchen.
10:08Oh great.
10:08I'll go and torment him.
10:16He hates being alone in a room with me.
10:18Watch this.
10:21Hi dad.
10:21Oh.
10:22Oh.
10:23Oh.
10:25Um.
10:26I just need some.
10:29What do you mean?
10:30Need some salt.
10:33There it is.
10:34Oh.
10:35Here it is.
10:36Yeah.
10:36Yeah.
10:37All right.
10:38So um.
10:40How are you darling?
10:44Have you got enough clothes?
10:47I could never have enough clothes.
10:49Right.
10:49And how's the cafe?
10:51Um.
10:52Well the lease is up in a couple of days.
10:54And I don't think I can really afford to.
10:56I think I'm just going to have to accept that it's.
10:58I'm sorry about that darling.
11:00But of course we are just a little bit tight in the purse strings too.
11:03Oh no no.
11:03I wasn't asking you for any.
11:04We've just been keeping it quiet.
11:06We haven't been able to buy anything or do anything.
11:09And.
11:12Oh.
11:13What's that?
11:14Oh that.
11:15That's just a tiny little house we're buying in France.
11:22Lovely.
11:23Yeah.
11:24Look.
11:24I um.
11:25I just wanted to talk to you.
11:28About this uh.
11:30Exhibition.
11:31What exhibition?
11:33Ah!
11:33Ah!
11:34Oh no!
11:35Jesus dad.
11:35Okay.
11:36Big enough.
11:37Big enough.
11:38Jesus dad.
11:39Please.
11:40She mustn't see it.
11:42She mustn't find out.
11:44Mmm.
11:45Five second rule.
11:46No.
11:46I have never bought into that rule.
11:48That's disgusting.
11:55What are you doing?
11:57I'm just a little family tradition.
11:59Oh.
11:59Odd fun.
12:00What are the rules?
12:03Oh.
12:04Thank God.
12:04That'll be your man.
12:09I mean I didn't want to show off.
12:11But um.
12:15Gosh.
12:16You really are.
12:19So how did you two meet?
12:21Fuck me up the house.
12:22I used to manage a bar.
12:23And I uh.
12:25Just found her crying.
12:26In the toilet one night.
12:28Mmm.
12:30How about you two?
12:31How did you two meet?
12:32Through our mother actually.
12:36How was work Claire?
12:39Oh.
12:40Fine.
12:41Nothing new.
12:42She used to be our godmother.
12:44Still am.
12:45But then their parents split up.
12:47Mum died.
12:48And we just became even closer friends.
12:51You know.
12:52And I can say this.
12:53Because I'm an artist.
12:54But you really are.
12:55Very good looking.
12:59Very.
13:02Very.
13:06I mean almost.
13:09Too good looking.
13:12Well if you excuse me.
13:13I'm going to go and do that old human thing.
13:22How's the exhibition going?
13:24Ah yes.
13:25Yes.
13:26I wanted to talk to you about that.
13:29Talking about me?
13:29Oh.
13:30All good things.
13:32All good things.
13:33I swear.
13:35And again.
13:40Have you found a venue?
13:41What exhibition?
13:42Thank you so much for asking.
13:43Um.
13:44We have actually found a.
13:45Yeah.
13:45There are some elements of the work that I.
13:48You know.
13:48I wanted to talk to you about.
13:50It's a sex-hibition.
13:52But don't panic.
13:53It's nothing scary.
13:53It's simply a journey through my physical and sexual life.
13:57Climaxing in a few pieces.
13:59Inspired by and moulded on your father.
14:02And there are photos.
14:03Um.
14:04I've taken a photo of my naked body every year.
14:06For the past 30 years.
14:08Why?
14:08Well.
14:09I think it's important for women of all ages to see how my body has changed.
14:12Over the years.
14:14I think they have to have a healthy perspective.
14:16On my body.
14:18Don't they?
14:18Oh.
14:19Absolutely.
14:20I mean.
14:20I don't need to tell you.
14:21But your father is a deeply sexual man.
14:26No.
14:27You don't.
14:28Just did.
14:29Knew it.
14:30I'm just very lucky.
14:31I will be touched.
14:33Until the day I die.
14:35And so will you Claire.
14:36I mean.
14:37It's really.
14:38All that humans want.
14:39Is to be loved.
14:41And to be touched.
14:55Um.
14:58Tell Dad about your promotion, Claire.
15:00There's nothing to tell.
15:02What promotion?
15:03Finland.
15:04Oh.
15:05Odd place.
15:06Any news?
15:06No.
15:07She got it.
15:08Oh.
15:09Fuck's sake.
15:11Congratulations, Claire.
15:13Clever girl.
15:14Can we not?
15:15That's so exciting.
15:17She's turning it down.
15:19Why?
15:19Why?
15:20Why not?
15:21Why, Claire?
15:22Claire, are you pregnant?
15:23Why aren't you getting on a plane to your cold rich future?
15:25Oh, Claire?
15:26Why aren't you?
15:27Because you can't.
15:28Just fuck off on aeroplanes and leave your weird stepson and broken sister to fend for themselves.
15:33OK.
15:45Ahem.
15:47Excuse me.
15:48Come on.
15:50Come on.
15:51Come on.
16:02She's your sister.
16:04It's your job to annoy her.
16:05No.
16:06No.
16:06I'm just so annoyed with myself.
16:07I wish I could just meet myself and just have a go at myself.
16:30Do your worst.
16:34Come on, bitch!
16:37You don't take yourself seriously.
16:40Oh, pussy.
16:42You need to reach out to your family.
16:45You need to stop provoking your sister.
16:46Just grow up.
16:47You do not take yourself seriously as a businesswoman.
16:48You need to pay your fucking bills.
16:50You need to be nicer to Hillary.
16:51You need to get a new hat.
16:53Is that better?
16:55Yeah, it's better.
17:00You need to be worthy of you.
17:22Okay, yeah.
17:23You like him?
17:25I'm born here.
17:36Okay. Off you go.
17:41The artwork in this house is stunning.
17:46Who is it?
17:47If I tell you, will you promise to come to my sex-hibition?
17:51It's not your work.
17:52Will you come?
17:54It would be an honour.
17:56Oh.
17:58How's your little restaurant?
18:00It's a cafe.
18:01Oh, don't do it a disservice.
18:03I'm not.
18:04It's a cafe.
18:06Oh, sorry.
18:08It's fine.
18:10It's fine.
18:13Your father tells me you're struggling.
18:15I think we all are.
18:17Oh, well, yes.
18:18But, I mean, now there's only one of you.
18:20God, I can't imagine what you've been through.
18:24Sorry, if I missed something?
18:25Well, her dear little friend died and left her to run the cafe on her own.
18:31Jesus.
18:32Oh, God, that is truly awful.
18:33How did she die?
18:34Oh, she killed herself.
18:35It was an accident.
18:39Well, maybe it's time to let the little restaurant go.
18:41Give it up.
18:42Sell it.
18:43Have a little holiday.
18:47We did this.
18:50Mm-hmm.
18:51And whatever happens, we never let it go.
18:54OK.
19:01Excuse me.
19:16Have you seen Felicity?
19:17Oh, no.
19:18Sorry.
19:19Gosh, all sorts of things go missing in this house, don't they?
19:22Big house.
19:22Yes, lovely house.
19:24Oh, the sculpture turned up.
19:26Did it?
19:26Yes.
19:27Must have just toppled off the side.
19:28Well, if you rid a woman of her head and limbs, you can't expect her to do anything other than
19:32roll around.
19:41What?
19:42Oh.
19:43Your father and I often say when you've had a few drinks, you're so like your mother.
19:59Oh, what?
20:00Look at these.
20:03So, if the party's moved to the hall, we're always a good saying.
20:06Does anyone mind if I leave?
20:08I've got a dicky tummy.
20:09So swift.
20:10Thanks.
20:12I'm not going to kiss you because I'm probably very ill.
20:14You too.
20:15Come on.
20:16Goodbye, then.
20:19My daughters.
20:21Goodbye.
20:31What a lovely occasion.
20:33Yeah.
20:34See you at this exhibition.
20:35No, there's absolutely no need to.
20:38Yes, lovely.
20:38No, no.
20:39I'll definitely be there.
20:39I will definitely be there.
20:41Hold up.
20:43Are you, uh, trying to keep me overnight?
20:45Very good looking.
20:48I might never see you again, but you're very good looking.
20:51Yes, very good looking.
21:03Thanks.
21:04I owe you.
21:05No, I owe you.
21:07It's been really nice to spend the day with a normal family.
21:11I actually feel quite emotional.
21:14Will you stay with me tonight?
21:16Sure.
21:18I'm going to go and warm up the bike.
21:21Lovely to meet you, Claire.
21:22You too.
21:24Um, what's his...
21:26Fuck me up the earth.
21:26Oh, that's...
21:29I totally see that now.
21:37I'm sorry if I was, uh...
21:39Listen to me.
21:42I'm going to leave Martin.
21:44I'm going to give you the money for the cafe.
21:47And I'm going to go to fucking Finland.
21:51Okay.
21:53Oh, and, uh...
22:02That is the coolest thing you've ever done.
22:04I know.
22:07Thanks, Claire.
22:12So we...
22:14We can try.
22:29I'll see you at this exhibition.
22:30Yeah.
23:00I'll see you at this exhibition.
23:18All episodes of both series of Fleabag can be watched on BBC iPlayer now.
23:36We'll see you next time.