- 6 days ago
Only Child - Season 2 Episode 1 - Growing
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Short filmTranscript
00:28Transcription by CastingWords
00:36morning morning you're in a coffin i am yes do you want to talk about that or well
00:45john doherty over at bruma moy was selling it on the online and he gave me a very good price
00:51if that's what you're worried about that's not what i'm worried about no no i was just sort of
00:55trying it out and i mean i must have drifted off which is exactly what it's for to be fair
01:01what time is it by the way what's half past eleven is that you just out your pit
01:08says the man literally lying in a coffin hey get out of the coffin dad no i won't get out
01:14of the
01:14coffin get out of the coffin dad i will not get out of the coffin richard okay fine then i'm
01:19going
01:19back to bed fine fine fine fine fine i don't think we should email the producers about doing
01:31a spin-off we could call it dr sparrow's casebook not this again if anyone should get a spin-off
01:36it should be me judge basket was better than your character why can't it be about my character
01:41because your character's dead terry oh yeah headshot sorry terry no that's fine i shouldn't
01:48have been standing there are you actually planning on getting dressed today one sec guys my flatmate
01:53wants to ask me a question can i help you i am not letting you waste another day playing this
01:58silly
01:59computer game with your sad little actor pals i'm not sad little actor pals although i'm a bit concerned
02:05about terry he's almost 60 yeah 62 actually headphones mute listen just because norway didn't
02:12work out doesn't mean you have to give up on life i've not given up on life i have
02:17oh bloody headphones meanwhile i've got to creep about the town pretend you're still in blooming norway
02:24no guesses for what we're eating come the apocalypse oh yes we've had a tremendous yield up the allotment
02:30this year here stick that in my glory hole say again my glory hole uh you mean cupboard you say
02:41cupboard i say glory hole it's hardly tomato tomato is it your mother and i had tremendous use out of
02:46a
02:46glory hole over the years do you remember that list of words and phrases where i explained to you
02:51over years the meaning has changed sometimes quite drastically yes forget it
03:05i have to take him to the tailors hopefully alfonso will be able to fix him okay i'm sorry it
03:11was an
03:11accident how long is this going to go on for richard hey you skulking about the house in secret
03:18i mean honestly so what you got sacked i didn't get sacked me and the producers mutually agreed that
03:24my character would best serve the story by not being a part of it i mean you're still a young
03:30man
03:30i'm 39 oh come on you've got all your own hair your lovely smile anything else i'll mention the hair
03:44sally hi oh richard hi uh nothing's coming right same time next week oh benedict darling
03:51just trying out a new system to save time listen why don't you come up your mother's old allotment
03:59with me today hey you used to like it up there and i could do with your help to move
04:03one or two things
04:04what if emily sees me well just tell her the truth i'm sure she won't mind i've been sending
04:09her photos with me and other actors on set for the last three months now i've had to do four
04:13photoshop
04:14tutorials you can't hide away forever you'll need to take a leaf out of my book i'm up that allotment
04:20every day getting my steps in tilling this soil feeling this sun in my face i'm even an admin on
04:27the
04:27forest what is that group it's whatsapp and everyone's an admin well at least come to the town
04:31hall with me tonight what for what for is this what for the save our allotment campaign to stop the
04:38council chucking us off the land and selling it to some bloody developer i didn't know they were going
04:43to do that come on son i could use your help i'm sorry dad i can't well you're going to
04:55have to leave
04:56the house at some point today why will you be careful i've got to live in that when i'm dead
05:06still
05:07can't believe you've done this i don't want you spending your money on me when i'm dead this is an
05:14investment in your future stocks would have been fine remind me to take you off my pallbearer list will
05:21you it's the pollen i've not been exposed for a while oh and pull those trousers up richard what are
05:27people going to think
05:42all right mr pritch hello emily love is everything okay oh yes yes yes aye aye aye
05:52okay um i'm gonna have to get that hold all i lent you back i'm going away for the weekend
05:56and um
05:57that is a coffin yes yes it is aye john doherty yes thought it might be well as far as
06:08coffins go
06:10yes i'm actually very pleased with it myself apart from the fact it keeps doing that
06:24emily hi
06:28how are things
06:36so
06:39you're back
06:40yeah yeah it's got a couple of days off so i thought i'd come back see the old man
06:46Old man, who's that?
06:48You.
06:49Oh, charming. Old man.
06:52There you go.
06:55Oh.
06:56Oh, it's hard to get.
06:58Jesus.
07:06So, off anywhere nice?
07:09Just the Lake District.
07:11I've booked myself into a spa.
07:13Who are you going with?
07:16No one.
07:17Just a bit of me time.
07:21I'm enjoying all the photos from set.
07:24Good.
07:26What's Kelly MacDonald like?
07:28She's a tall sweetheart.
07:30Yeah, and a very generous performer.
07:33Oh, cool.
07:34What about, um, Robert Carlyle?
07:37Nightmare.
07:38Oh, well, I mean, it's an amazing cast to be part of.
07:42I've actually got a scene with Martin Compton tomorrow,
07:44so I'm flying back tonight.
07:47Wow.
07:47Gosh, is there any Scottish actor not in this show?
07:50I could name one.
07:52And this, uh, this look?
07:55Yeah, it's, um, I'm playing this detective who's got a lot of inner pain.
08:01Is that because his washing machine is broken?
08:07Um, yeah, right, well, uh, I should really...
08:11I'll see you out.
08:13See you later, Mr. Pritch.
08:14Enjoy.
08:18I love Martin Compton.
08:20Can you get me a selfie?
08:23Definitely.
08:24Uh, that's easy.
08:25Um, I mean, he doesn't let many people into his inner circle, Marty.
08:29Yeah, that's what he lets me call him.
08:32Um, but I think he's taken a bit of a shine to me,
08:35so, yeah, I'll definitely get that selfie.
08:39Thanks.
08:41It was nice to see you.
08:43And you.
08:44Bye, Emily.
08:47Bye, Richard.
09:02That worked out well.
09:05How's that exactly?
09:06Now she knows you're back,
09:07you can come up the allotment with me.
09:10Bye.
09:20What are you, Richie?
09:22What are you doing back?
09:22Big time.
09:25One more like this.
09:29There he is.
09:31Dr. Sparrow.
09:32All right.
09:33Ian, Jen, how are you both?
09:34All grand.
09:36We're actually just off to marriage counselling.
09:39Oh.
09:39I'm sorry to hear that.
09:41Oh, God.
09:42Nothing wrong with our marriage.
09:43No.
09:44No, the counsellor's moved up here from London
09:46and we want to see what her house looks like.
09:4860 grand she spent doing it all.
09:50Ooh, isn't that exciting?
09:51It's Christmas.
09:52We don't want to be late.
09:54Just stand there.
09:56What am I like?
10:00Are you waiting after she?
10:02No, I'm not.
10:03But I wish you were.
10:05Stink coming off you.
10:16Richard Pritchard Pritchard.
10:18Mr. Williams?
10:20Oh, come now.
10:21Horace.
10:22We're not in drama class anymore.
10:25So, my protégé returns.
10:29I presume all the letters of thanks
10:31for the success you've had over the years
10:33were lost in the post?
10:35I wouldn't call it success.
10:37So, what news from the front?
10:40A.K.A.
10:41Shaftesbury Avenue.
10:43Just she asked for me?
10:45I wouldn't know.
10:46At the moment, I'm very much round the corner
10:48in the ITV3 cul-de-sac.
10:50How's it been since...
10:51Since the headmaster caught me
10:53with the bother of peach snaps
10:54in the janitor's cupboard.
10:56Well, I was going to say early retirement, but...
10:58Well, as you can see, I'm thriving.
11:00I pay £28 a year to sit here,
11:03drink wine, enjoy the view.
11:06So you tell me who's winning.
11:09I think you'll find that to me.
11:12Would you care to join me
11:14for a glass of Chateauneuf-du-Pape?
11:16Well, like when you ask me that at school,
11:19it's a little early for me.
11:23Kenneth, you'll be at the town hall tonight, I presume?
11:26Oh, yes, yes.
11:27We'll be there.
11:28In force.
11:29I've organised a strategy meeting beforehand.
11:33I thought the pub would be good.
11:35I thought you might.
11:36Well, listen, it's been great to catch up quickly.
11:41Quickly, can we just do the...
11:42Right, step this way up here.
11:48Bloody hell.
11:50That was quick.
11:51Can we get this over with?
11:53I want to be home for tipping point.
11:54There you go.
11:56Well, this is what you needed help moving.
11:58Aha, it's heavier than it looks.
12:00I'll find you.
12:01I will find you.
12:03It's like I've got a gun.
12:05Oh, it's just Paul.
12:07Somebody's been stealing his radishes.
12:09So he's just walking about with a gun?
12:11Oh, it's not a gun.
12:12It's an air rifle.
12:13I mean, you can't do a lot of damage shooting air, can you?
12:16That's not what an air rifle is.
12:18Yes, yes.
12:18There you go.
12:19I'll put the kettle on.
12:27A bit of bump and grind, isn't it?
12:30What?
12:31A bit of bump and grind.
12:33We're updating that list of words and phrases tonight.
12:57Oh, I've got you, you filthy tea leaf.
12:59What are you doing?
13:00Paul, I've detained the suspect.
13:03Paul.
13:04No, no, no, no, no.
13:05Ah, misunderstanding.
13:07Oh, misunderstanding, is it?
13:08Let me explain.
13:09Where is he?
13:10Oh, get the gun to your neck.
13:11This must be your radish thief, Paul.
13:13I mean, look at the state of him.
13:14I've been having a bit of a rough time lately.
13:16Shut your heads.
13:17It's okay.
13:17Do you know how long it takes to grow a radish?
13:22Sorry, is that a real question?
13:2360 days in total.
13:2560?
13:26It's not bad, actually.
13:28Ah, well, they are one of the fastest-grown vegetables, to be fair.
13:33That's why I like them.
13:34Like you.
13:35Keep nicking them.
13:36Everything okay?
13:39Please stop doing that.
13:44Beth seems nice.
13:47Oh, yes, yes.
13:48She's a lovely woman.
13:50Lost her husband about a year ago.
13:52Did they check the body for rake marks?
13:56She's actually moved up here from England, to be close up to her son.
14:01What's that?
14:03Oh, that's something your mother left me.
14:06It's a kind of gardening encyclopedia, you know?
14:12She didn't want me to let the place go to ruin.
14:17Mind you, I nearly did.
14:19I just...
14:21I couldn't face coming up here without her, you know?
14:24Oh, no, dear.
14:27I don't think.
14:28Well, there you go.
14:29Life moves on, eh?
14:32I knew it.
14:34What was after sheave?
14:36Give me that.
14:37Loveburn.
14:38I think you can get a cream for that.
14:40That's private.
14:42It's written on the bottle.
14:43It's written on the bottle.
14:46Nosing people's stuff.
14:49How would you like it if I stuck my nose into your affairs?
14:52No, you wouldn't like it then, would you?
14:57Hi.
14:58Er, Beth.
15:00We didn't really get a chance to meet you.
15:02Mainly because you were assaulting me with a rake.
15:04But, er...
15:05I'm sorry about that.
15:07I thought you were a hobo.
15:08Oh, no, not a hobo.
15:11A skag head, is that the one?
15:13Oh, I can't believe I attacked Dr. Sparrow.
15:17Don't worry about it.
15:18I love detective manners.
15:20Me and the girlies used to get together every Sunday night with a bottle of wine
15:23and try and guess who the killer was.
15:26Apart from Rachinda.
15:28The wine, I mean.
15:30She's muslin.
15:31Mm.
15:31Bit lovely?
15:32Yeah.
15:33Oh, did that sound racist?
15:34I can't keep up now, Richard.
15:36Look at toilets.
15:37I mean, what's going on with them now?
15:39And people.
15:39They say, it's your responsibility to educate yourself.
15:43Go online.
15:44Go where?
15:45I'm only on the Facebook and we're all as confused as each other.
15:49I better head off before I get cancelled.
15:51I just want everyone to be happy.
15:53Sure.
15:53Things change so quickly.
15:55And what if I say the wrong thing?
15:56God, they don't give you a second chance these days.
15:58And I never mean any harm.
16:00But sometimes my mouth runs on the head of my brain.
16:09Sorry about that.
16:10No, don't apologise.
16:12Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
16:14Strategy meeting!
16:16Woo-hoo-hoo!
16:23Are you going to turn them off, or...?
16:25Oh, yes, yes.
16:26Let me see now.
16:28It's, er...
16:29You just...
16:29No, you just press that.
16:31Which?
16:31You just press that button.
16:33Which button?
16:33You're just unlocking the phone, not conducting an orchestra.
16:36When do I press here, Richard?
16:37Is it snooze or stop?
16:39Oh, my God, there's two of them.
16:41Get this one.
16:41Ah!
16:45Do you, Bonnie and Lemonade?
16:48Sorry again, Horace.
16:51Shot you in the eye, then, did he, Horace?
16:54Well, the doctor thought he didn't really need the eye patch,
16:57but Horace insisted.
16:59And so it was Mr. Williams who was stealing your radishes.
17:02Oh, I didn't mean to shoot him.
17:04The air rifle must have been faulty.
17:07Faulty towers.
17:08Oh, I loved that.
17:11Were you in that one, Richard?
17:13What?
17:14Shall we begin?
17:15I must say I thought there'd be a better turn out tonight.
17:17Sorry, Horace.
17:18My son was going to come, but he's on holiday with his partner.
17:22He's a personal trainer, Richard,
17:23if ever you felt like pulling yourself together.
17:26First point of order.
17:27I think I should speak on our behalf tonight.
17:30Really?
17:31Even with the eye patch?
17:33What's the matter, Richard?
17:34Worried you won't have top billing now.
17:37I know these allotments.
17:39I know their stories.
17:42Take Glenna.
17:43She took her stroke there.
17:45Remember that, Glenna?
17:46Well, not really.
17:47Because of the stroke.
17:49You live alone.
17:50If it had happened at home, you'd be dead.
17:52Well, the doctor said it was only a small one.
17:55You'd be deceased, Glenna.
17:57Oh, right.
17:59One might even say it was a stroke of good luck.
18:02I'd rather you didn't.
18:03Okay.
18:04Paul, you were an addict.
18:07Well, you're always an addict, Horace.
18:09But, yes, since I took up the allotment two years ago,
18:13I have been free of all drugs.
18:15Oh, well done.
18:21Well done.
18:23Hey!
18:25Whoa!
18:27Right.
18:29Whose round is it?
18:30I am one with the allotment.
18:33I am the gentle breeze that blows through.
18:35I am the morning dew on the lot.
18:38Oh, I wondered who that was.
18:40Well, I think we should maybe still have a vote on it.
18:44Would you still want to vote if you heard me say,
18:47daffodil that came before the swallowed deer
18:50and took the winds of barch with beauty?
18:56Yeah, I think we should still have a vote.
18:59It's the eye patch.
19:01Yeah, it's the eye patch for me.
19:03Okay, so everyone who thinks that Horace should speak for us tonight,
19:07raise your hands.
19:10Very well.
19:12Who do you think should speak on our behalf?
19:15Well, I think it should be somebody
19:19who's not afraid of being on stage,
19:21who can maybe sort of, you know,
19:25learn their lines in a professional way.
19:30Absolutely not.
19:32Oh, come on, it's only for tonight.
19:34You're a performer.
19:35You're used to dealing with crowds.
19:38Oh, I am a performer.
19:39Oh, and you're a very good one too.
19:42Well, you know, I've always said it's about finding the truth in whatever.
19:46I know what you're doing and I'm not falling for it.
19:48Oh, listen, if you won't do it for me, do it for your mother.
19:52She made me promise to look after the place
19:54and she did say,
19:55try and get Richard to help if you can.
19:58Well, it's funny how I was never pretty to these apparent conversations.
20:02She said you'd say that.
20:03Pitch snaps, please, gin.
20:07Always the understudy, never the starring role.
20:12Good to have you back, Richard.
20:20One lager and one double gin.
20:23Lovely.
20:24Dr. Sparrow, I cannot wait for the new show to come out.
20:28I've been learning Norwegian.
20:30It's an English gin.
20:32What?
20:33Oh, well, still looking forward to it.
20:35And I think someone might be replacing Pilo and Paul
20:39at number one on the Wall of Fame.
20:41God rest his soul.
20:43Well, no, he's not dead, love.
20:46But he has learned his lesson.
20:50Oh, completely converted the basement she has, Richard.
20:54Who?
20:54The marriage counsellor.
20:55Yeah, that's where she has her appointments.
20:57She's actually booked us in for next week.
21:00Thanks, we have some deep-rooted, unresolved issues
21:03we need to work through.
21:05And we only went in for a nosy.
21:10That will be £12.45, please, including pitch snaps.
21:29Oh, you're back.
21:34Someone told me if you're nervous about making a speech,
21:38you should imagine the audience naked.
21:42Never worked for me.
21:43I remember looking at everybody during my husband's eulogy,
21:47thinking,
21:47you should be ashamed of yourself
21:49turning up like that.
21:53Where's your respect?
21:55Oh, oh my God, it's my Tim.
21:58Tim?
21:59Tim?
22:00Over here!
22:02Everyone, my son's here.
22:04Oh, here he is now.
22:07Hi, Tim.
22:09First name?
22:09Tim.
22:10You're called Tim?
22:11Sorry, I got confused.
22:12What is your first name?
22:14Richard.
22:14Hi, Richard.
22:15What are you doing here?
22:16You're meant to be on holiday.
22:18Bloody car broke down.
22:20We had to get towed back from Inverness.
22:22Still, it means that I can be here with you now.
22:24Yeah, so where's your lovely lady?
22:27Oh, she's coming.
22:27Oh, there she is.
22:28Hi.
22:30Hi, everyone.
22:32Mr. Britch.
22:33So did Richard get back, OK?
22:34Well, he's scurried under the table quick enough.
22:47Hi, Richard.
22:48Hi, Emily.
22:49I'm just under the table at the moment.
22:51Hey, dude.
22:53Are you OK?
22:53Hi.
22:54Yeah, I was just saying to Emily,
22:56I'm just under the table at the moment.
22:58Cool.
22:59So are you two, um...
23:01Yeah.
23:03Great.
23:03That's great to hear.
23:06That's us, uh...
23:07That's us going in now, son.
23:09OK, I'm just going to have a minute here.
23:12So, do you want us to just leave you here?
23:15If you wouldn't mind.
23:32It shouldn't be too much longer now.
23:35Maybe we should reschedule.
23:37No need.
23:38I am fully prepared.
23:40You can just speak from the floor, sir.
23:42Well, I'm up here now.
23:45We must take the current as it serves or lose our ventures.
23:50Well, that's him.
23:52He's here now.
23:53That's him.
23:54Why do I even bother?
23:56Absolute waste of time.
23:59Break your legs.
24:01Um, sorry, everyone.
24:04Sorry, everyone.
24:08Uh...
24:09OK, uh, we are here to ask you, nay, demand, well, ask, let's ask first, that you don't
24:19chuck us off the land.
24:21I don't know what you've got planned for it.
24:22A big waitrose.
24:23A big waitrose?
24:24Seriously, is that...
24:25That is fan...
24:25That's not on.
24:27That is not on.
24:28We're not going to stand for that.
24:30You just take your waitrose and your extensive dip selection and you take that elsewhere.
24:36OK?
24:36I mean, look, all we're here to do is to ask you really to agree to give us more time
24:42before
24:42making any decisions.
24:43OK?
24:44These allotments, they mean a lot to people, uh, to me, to the town.
24:50I mean, I'm from the town.
24:52I'm from Forrests.
24:55You know, as much as I fight against it, I am from Forrests.
25:00Ich bin ein Forrest, sir.
25:04Yeah, we were all Forrests, yeah?
25:06Yeah.
25:07Yeah.
25:08Yeah, um, I mean, my mum was from Forrests, uh, your mum was from Forrests, your mum was
25:13from Forrests.
25:14Yeah.
25:14And your mum was from...
25:16Forrests.
25:17Forrests, yeah.
25:18I don't know why I paused it.
25:19The point is, we are Forrests.
25:22And for you to build a waitrose, you're going to have to go through us first.
25:26Yeah, yeah.
25:27Match!
25:33And I never went to Norway.
25:37Well, I did, but I got fired.
25:41Sorry for not telling you.
25:44Jen, I'm sorry.
25:45Do you have a little bit of a shock?
25:55What are you, Richie?
25:57What are you, Dixie?
25:57Do you want some radishes?
25:59Uh, no, I'm all right.
26:00I don't even know why I nicked them, to be honest.
26:04See you in a bit, Nick.
26:05See you later.
26:09Hey-o.
26:15Why didn't you just tell me?
26:19I think I can cope with everyone else thinking I'm a failure.
26:23Just not you.
26:27I don't think you're a failure, Richard.
26:30I mean, I think you're weird.
26:33That's a fair comment.
26:34That's what I've always liked about you.
26:41So, Tim.
26:43Yeah.
26:44Well, I thought you weren't coming back.
26:49Sorry I didn't say anything.
26:55Well, I'd better go, um, see you around.
27:00Now that you're not hiding from me.
27:02Look, I'm...
27:04I'm really sorry.
27:10Hello!
27:12Hey.
27:14A few of us are heading to the beastie.
27:17Just, uh, me, Horace, Paul...
27:20And Beth.
27:23Well, you'd better get going, then.
27:25OK.
27:27You wouldn't mind taking Percy back home with you, would you?
27:30Oh, seriously?
27:32OK.
27:33Fine.
27:34Thanks, son.
27:35I'll see you back at the house.
27:36See you back at the house.
27:41Here we go.
27:53Looks like it's just me and you, then, mate.
27:59They have programme again!
28:01Mm-hmm!
28:29So, let's do it!
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