- 4 days ago
Only Child - Season 2 Episode 4 - Training Day
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Short filmTranscript
00:00So we remind ourselves to be in the here and now, not in the past.
00:07We're going to end by taking a few relaxing breaths.
00:15In and out.
00:21In and out.
00:26In and out.
00:31And relax.
00:34Well done.
00:38Oh, good. You're awake. That television's still not working.
00:47I'm waiting for that engineer again.
00:50Numbers on the dining room table.
00:52I think you must be the only man still alive to use one of these.
00:55Eh?
00:56I'm not calling the engineers again. They've been out twice already, Dad.
01:00Remember they told us we're just in a black zone for satellites.
01:03What? Are you telling me that Forrest is more of a black zone than space?
01:06Well, in Forrest no one can hear me scream.
01:08Eh?
01:08Or say anything.
01:10What if I plugged the television into the computer?
01:13Oh, what if I connected the toaster to the boiler?
01:16Or the kettle to the washing machine?
01:18You're making a point here.
01:19Yes, I am.
01:19That it wouldn't work.
01:20That's one.
01:21So there's absolutely nothing I can do to get the television working.
01:23Looking to getting cable again.
01:25I do not want the cable.
01:27And I will tell you for why.
01:29Barbara Cook's not number four.
01:31She got the cable.
01:32It went off on me.
01:49She fell down the manhole.
01:51Okay, we won't get cable then.
01:53Listen, we'd better get a move on.
01:55We've got to get the train to Abbey more.
01:56That race starts at two.
01:57How many times, Dad?
01:58I'm not coming.
01:59Why not?
02:00Well, A, I don't really want to watch Emily cheer on her boyfriend doing a run.
02:04And B, you, me and trains, it just always ends in disaster.
02:07Like when?
02:08Like when I was filming in Paris and I paid for you and Mum to come over on the Eurostar
02:11for your 70th.
02:12Your mother and I were in Brussels for my 70th.
02:15Yeah, exactly, because you got the wrong Eurostar.
02:17And do you remember when you got there and I asked you to stay put because I'd come there to
02:20Brussels to meet you?
02:21Where were you when I got there?
02:23I think it could have been Paris.
02:24Because you got the Eurostar back to Paris.
02:27Yeah, I'm glad I did my meditation.
02:29I'm really feeling the benefit of that.
02:30Listen, Emily is going to be there and you said you wanted to let her know how you feel.
02:35Oh, Dad, that was a glaive ah-talking.
02:37I've missed the boat with Emily.
02:39I just have to accept that and move on with my life.
02:42Well, I can't go without you.
02:44Why?
02:45You know full well why.
02:47Oh, come on, we've been through this a thousand times.
02:49Right, the train ticket is on your phone.
02:52All you have to do is put the phone train ticket side down and scan it on the QR code.
02:57What is a QR code?
02:58No, I'm not going through that again.
03:00Listen, when I worked on the trains, a train ticket was something you held in your hand.
03:06A bit like that.
03:07That is not a train ticket.
03:09Why does everything have to happen through a fluent phone nowadays?
03:13I mean, what was wrong with the old ways?
03:15You won't even let me carry money in my pocket anymore.
03:18Dad, you were carrying £34.60 in loose change.
03:21Your trousers almost fell down in Asda.
03:23That is because I forgot to put a belt on.
03:25Come on, it's just the way things are now.
03:27Everything's digital.
03:28Yes, well, I'm not.
03:33Agreed.
03:39Arms.
03:40I mean, um, hi, Emily.
03:42Emily, and Tim, and Beth, and everyone, not just Emily.
03:47Okay.
03:48I called your dad about him sorting me out with some glue.
03:57Richard, have you seen my prick stick?
04:00Eh, prit stick.
04:01And no, I haven't.
04:02Jean used to use it for the Christmas cards, you know, to stick them down.
04:06She read somewhere that licking the envelopes gives you the squirts.
04:10Oh, lovely.
04:14I like your t-shirt.
04:15Oh.
04:17Suckers.
04:18Yeah, it's Latin for juice.
04:20Yeah.
04:21It's a small energy drinks company I started a few years back.
04:24They're publicly endorsing me for this run.
04:26Is it definitely pronounced like that?
04:28Suckers.
04:29Yeah.
04:30Pretty sure.
04:31So you're endorsing yourself with your own company called Suckers?
04:36Yeah.
04:37Great.
04:38Just thought I'd check.
04:41Hey, how'd you get on?
04:43Er, yes, good.
04:45I don't need to pee now.
04:46So, mission accomplished in that sense.
04:48It's a bloody thing.
04:50Sorry again, we can't fit you in the car, Ken.
04:52It's just that there's not a lot of room, what with the Tim's energy drinks.
04:57Suckers.
04:58Yep.
04:59Oh, that's all right.
05:01I'm more than happy to get the train.
05:03It's absolutely no bother.
05:05Oh, some bother.
05:06Are you having problems with your television?
05:08Oh, don't remind me.
05:09I'm actually thinking about getting one of those dodgy sticks.
05:13Dad, how many times?
05:14They're illegal.
05:15No, they're not.
05:15What do you think dodgy means?
05:17They are a bit illegal, Mr Pritch.
05:19Gwen Joyce has one.
05:20Oh, that'll be the same Gwen Joyce who had a weed farm growing in her attic.
05:23She was as surprised as anybody else to find that up there.
05:26Yeah, if only she'd seen the security footage of her buying 800 LED lamps.
05:33Yeah.
05:34Or wondering why she always had the munchies.
05:37Yeah, up high.
05:40Uh, yeah, sorry.
05:42Exactly.
05:44Here it is.
05:45Oh, that's great.
05:47It's for my Go Tim sign.
05:49I always make one hold it up for him running past, don't I?
05:52You sure do.
05:53Only now I have to stick pictures of him onto it, since the incident.
05:58The incident?
05:59Well, there was this race a few years back where another Tim was running.
06:04He ran past the sign and apparently I looked quite a bit like his mum.
06:09What it was, Richard.
06:10He hadn't seen her in 20 years.
06:12They'd had a big falling out and he thought she'd come back to bury the hatchet.
06:17He was quite down when he realised, but it did make him decide to reach out to her.
06:24Oh.
06:25Oh, that's nice.
06:26Yes.
06:28Turns out she died five years previous and he had no idea.
06:32So now, I'll stick pictures on.
06:49What are you doing?
06:50You're going to miss your train.
06:52No, no, I'm not going.
06:53What?
06:54I told you, I don't know how you'd do the tickets.
06:57Once again, technology has destroyed my time on the trains.
07:01You mean when you took early retirement instead of learning how to use the card machine?
07:05I'll be fine here.
07:06Just get a physical ticket at the station.
07:09I don't want to anymore.
07:10But, Dad, all you've been talking about all week is how you were looking forward to spending time with Beth.
07:14That's the reason you're going.
07:16Was going.
07:18I know what you're doing here.
07:19I don't know what you're talking about.
07:21You know fine well what I'm talking about.
07:24You're thinking I'll just sit here looking sad until he gives in and comes with me.
07:28Well, that is just not going to happen.
07:41That's it locked.
07:43What do you think?
07:46Why have you got a bag?
07:47It's only a 45 minute journey.
07:49Well, that's exactly enough time to watch an episode of something.
07:52Is your generation incapable of sitting with their own thoughts for any length of time?
07:57I mean, honestly, why have you always got to be attached to a device?
08:00Well, I'm not attached to a device just now, am I?
08:03Oh, one minute.
08:06Sally, hi.
08:08Oh, Richard, hello.
08:09Bad news on the Panto, I'm afraid.
08:11It's a no.
08:12Really?
08:13I thought it went well.
08:14Yes, they thought you were just a little bit too upbeat.
08:17Too upbeat for Panto?
08:19Yes, they were looking for a little more nuance in your portrayal.
08:23The character was called Honky Doinky.
08:25Yeah, they said there was a little too much hoik and not enough doink for them.
08:29Also, they didn't like you breaking the fourth wall.
08:32It's a Panto.
08:34It's all to do with the director's vision or something.
08:36I wasn't really paying attention, to be honest.
08:39Anyway, it's not the end of the world.
08:40No.
08:41Oh, yes, it is.
08:45Too soon, sorry.
08:46Bye, Sally.
08:47Okay, I'm still waiting to hear back on the Crimewatch reconstruction.
09:00So, are you going to do this ticket thing for me or not?
09:04No, I'm not.
09:05Because you have to learn how to do this stuff yourself, sir.
09:09Come on, don't look so worried.
09:12Here's a nice girl there.
09:14Are they not?
09:14Show her my ticket.
09:15No.
09:16Why not?
09:16Because this is quicker.
09:18Yeah, they just seem quicker to me.
09:20Dad, you can't stand in the way of progress all your life.
09:22Excuse me, darling.
09:23Oh, apparently you can.
09:24Would you mind just opening a barrier for me and I just show you my ticket?
09:28It's just I'm useless with this thing.
09:30I'd much rather leave the house without it.
09:33You do leave the house without it.
09:34Yeah, no problem.
09:35Uh, no, we're fine, thanks.
09:37What?
09:37We don't need your help.
09:39So you don't want me to open the barriers for him?
09:41That's right.
09:41I really don't mind letting him through.
09:43A lot of older people...
09:44We're fine.
09:45Thanks.
09:47You need to be rude.
09:48That was a mean rude.
09:49I thought you were rude.
09:51Did you think he was rude?
09:52I thought it was a little bit rude, yeah.
09:54Why are you still here?
09:56Well, how...
09:56Okay, that was rude.
09:58Sorry.
09:58Oh.
10:00Come on, Dad.
10:01We can do this.
10:02Just the way I showed you, right?
10:04Unlock your phone.
10:052-1-5-7.
10:06It's probably best Knox do that out loud, but, uh, one battle at a time.
10:10Find your ticket.
10:12Yeah, I do.
10:14Yeah.
10:15No, that's your home screen.
10:16Is it?
10:17What are you doing?
10:18What are you doing?
10:19And that's the calculator.
10:20Is there a calculator in there?
10:22Oh, just give me the phone, would you?
10:23Right.
10:24Okay.
10:25Scanner's there.
10:26QR code on the scanner.
10:29Barrier's open.
10:30You walk through.
10:30Okay?
10:35I...
10:35I...
10:36I...
10:36Just...
10:37Just...
10:41Want me to just let you through?
10:43Yes, please.
10:46No!
10:48Want me to keep them open for you?
10:50No!
10:51No, I don't.
10:52Because some people are able to do things in the correct and proper way.
10:57So you want me to close on?
10:59Yes, please.
11:09That's all you needed to do?
11:11Do you see how simple that was?
11:15Will I just scan it again?
11:16No, I won't let you scan it twice.
11:19Oh.
11:21Do you want me to open the barriers for you?
11:26Yes, please.
11:30There you are.
11:32Very good.
11:32Very good.
11:33That's how you do it.
11:34Just give me that phone, won't you?
11:37I'm downloading your return ticket now, and you're scanning that QR code on the way back
11:42if it kills me.
11:43Yes, yes.
11:43Whatever you say.
11:44Where exactly are we going here?
11:46I could see.
11:48Oh, what is it now?
11:50Well, I'm actually bursting for the toilet.
11:53Why?
11:53There's a toilet on the train.
11:54The train?
11:55Toilet.
11:55Must not be used whilst the train is stationary.
11:58That's the first thing you learn when you become a conductor.
12:01Well, you'll just need to hold on to it, then.
12:02Oh, you'd love that, wouldn't you?
12:04Which bit of that would I love?
12:05And could you not have mentioned this before we got through the barrier?
12:08Well, I didn't need to go before I come through the barrier.
12:11Right.
12:11Can you be done and back in six minutes?
12:14Yes.
12:15Oh, maybe your new pal could let you out.
12:18Right, bring Coach C, seat 41.
12:21Coach C, seat 41.
12:23Yes, yes.
12:30Ticket barriers are in operation at this station.
12:39Excuse me.
12:40Sorry, I've actually got that seat boot.
13:10Oh, my.
13:13Fuck.
13:14What's he doing?
13:19No.
13:23Oh, sorry, can I, oh, sorry, I need to, yeah.
13:31Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.
13:43Oh, you're watching something already?
13:46You haven't.
13:47The train's not even moving.
13:49There you go.
13:51Ham and cheese.
13:53Bottle of water.
13:55Don't worry, it's sparkling.
13:57Lovely picket of cheese and onion first.
14:02And a twirl.
14:04We're sharing that, mine.
14:05One finger each.
14:08Welcome aboard this Scotch Hill service to Wick.
14:11Wick?
14:13Are we in the right train?
14:17Who the hell are you?
14:37What the hell is he?
14:42Is he going to be up?
14:45Cut.
14:45Dad!
14:46Come in, Dad!
14:49Shh!
14:54Dad!
14:56Well, I'm top.
14:58Well, I'm top!
15:02Ah, eh, excuse me.
15:09That's, uh, I'm sitting in there.
15:11Thank you very much.
15:13Have a bit.
15:13Have a bit.
15:14Oh, that was close.
15:18Disaster averted.
15:47Oh, my friend.
16:02Hello there, excuse me. I was just wondering, there's a lot of runners going about the place, you know, given
16:10it. I don't suppose you've seen any men in Lycra about the place, running about, well, tight.
16:20I don't know, I don't know.
16:23I don't know, I don't know.
16:51Oh, nice, isn't it? Oh, yeah, yeah, it's different.
16:58Oh, good luck! There he is now! Go, team! Team! Come on, my son! Come on!
17:07Oh, I did it!
17:15Oh, Richard! Oh, you made it then. Where's Ken? He's not here. I know. I meant he's not shown up
17:22here.
17:22What, have you lost him? I didn't lose him, he lost himself.
17:25You mean he's missing?
17:27It's okay, Mum. We'll have a circus, and then we'll talk this through.
17:31Er, yeah, yeah, we got split up on the train. I ended up in Beaulieu. I've got his phone. Look,
17:34it's a long story.
17:35Right, well, surely he'd just make his way back to Forest. Er, he wouldn't be able to buy a ticket.
17:39Why? Some guy made him stop carrying cash. Richard!
17:44It's okay. I know the event organisers. They'll keep an eye out for him. They've got people stationed all around
17:49the circuit.
17:50Hey, hi, yeah, it's me. I just... No, 39 minutes, 26 seconds. Yeah, no, I think it is a new
17:57personal best.
18:00Sorry, yeah, listen, I need you to just do something for me.
18:03Er, Beth, why don't you and Tim take the town? You know, streets, tea shops, that sort of thing.
18:09Cakes, scones, what have you.
18:11Uh-huh, yeah. Me and Richard will take the woods. Look, chances are he's probably got lost trying to find
18:16the finish line.
18:16Yeah, no, I'm sure you're right.
18:18Yeah, well, pasta for breakfast is controversial these days, but to be honest with you, I think he gave me
18:22the edge.
18:23Tim.
18:24Your grey hair, yeah, glasses. Yeah, just, um, shoes. He's wearing shoes.
18:38Jean?
18:43No, no, no, no, it couldn't be. Sorry to bother you. It's just I thought...
18:53But it couldn't be.
19:03Mr. Pritch! Mr. Pritch!
19:08Mr. Pritch!
19:13Ah!
19:15My ankle!
19:17Oh, God.
19:18Right, hold on. Don't touch it.
19:20What did I just see?
19:22Sorry.
19:24Let's get this off.
19:30All the others were in the wash.
19:31Well, that is just lovely.
19:37Okay, does it hurt if I do this?
19:39Ah!
19:40What about this?
19:41Yeah!
19:42Oh, that's interesting.
19:43Is it broken?
19:44No, but I realised I can do this.
19:47Ah!
19:47Ah!
19:48Ah!
19:49Ah!
19:49Staying alive.
19:51Staying alive.
19:52You're supposed to be a nurse!
19:55Trust me, that is vanilla compared to what we usually get up to.
19:58Oh.
19:58It's fine, you've just twisted it.
20:00But what do I do now?
20:02Have you made a will?
20:03Oh, hilarious.
20:05Nothing.
20:06Just give it a few minutes.
20:16It'd be funny if we ended up having to eat each other.
20:24I always forget that sometimes silence is fine.
20:30Yeah.
20:46Ah!
20:47Ah!
20:48That bumblebee man!
20:57Ah!
21:01Ah!
21:02No, I need to stop.
21:03Ah!
21:03Again!
21:05I feel it hurts Emily.
21:07Right, if zombies ever attack, remind me never to make a run for it with you.
21:12Ah!
21:13Look up!
21:13Watch out!
21:18Ah!
21:21I'm sure Tim's got an ankle support with him.
21:23Ah!
21:24I don't need Tim's ankle support.
21:27Tim's ankle support.
21:29It's quite a good name for a band actually.
21:32Hi!
21:33We're Tim's ankle support.
21:35Oh, no.
21:35This is a song about the first time that you properly fall in love.
21:38Are you in love with him?
21:39What?
21:40Mm-hmm.
21:40Sorry, what did you say?
21:41Nothing.
21:41Nothing.
21:42No.
21:42Me too.
21:46Do you not like Tim?
21:48Um...
21:49What?
21:49Me?
21:50Not like...
21:51To Tim?
21:52I mean, I...
21:53I don't know.
21:54What does it even mean to like someone in the current climate?
21:57Okay.
21:58You don't like him.
21:59I'm not a fan, but I...
22:00I...
22:01I don't know.
22:02He just doesn't seem like your type.
22:06What is my type?
22:08Guys from forests, mainly.
22:10Yeah.
22:11Imagine wanting a change from that.
22:15I know he seems a bit much sometimes, but...
22:20But he's sweet.
22:22He's comfortable in himself.
22:24You know, he's a go-getter.
22:26Things seem possible around him, you know?
22:29He's actually thinking of moving to New Zealand for a year.
22:33Is he?
22:33Really?
22:34Oh...
22:35Yeah, I've...
22:36I've heard it's beautiful.
22:37Mm.
22:39He's asked me to go with him.
22:40But the weather's meant to be terrible,
22:42and I've heard it's prohibitively expensive.
22:45This wellness retreat reached out to him on Instagram.
22:48They want him to do a mind, body and soul workshop,
22:50wherever that is.
22:52And I could get a nursing job easily enough.
22:55Well, you've looked into it.
22:57Well, a little bit.
22:59I mean, it's New Zealand.
23:00Sure.
23:01And you've probably completed for us anyway by now.
23:06I haven't made my mind up yet.
23:08Cool.
23:14Sorry for bringing up zombies earlier.
23:16You know how scared you are of them.
23:18Hm.
23:18What?
23:19Well, any horror film, really.
23:22Well, every time we'd rent one, you'd watch it with your eyes closed.
23:24Yeah, but that's because it's the score that makes it scary.
23:27So it's actually braver just to listen.
23:29Mm.
23:30And you'd always fall for the jump scares.
23:32Well, they shouldn't just come out of nowhere like that.
23:34Well, so you are scared of them.
23:35No.
23:36No?
23:36No.
23:37Right.
23:38Sorry for bringing it up.
23:41Hm.
23:43Hm.
23:45Maybe we should look down by those trees.
23:48That's so immature.
23:55Oh, bollocks.
23:59So there you are.
24:01Ah, it's ankle.
24:04Where the hell have you been?
24:05Where the hell have I been?
24:08Coach C, Sheep 41, where the hell were you?
24:11I'm sorry, who's this?
24:13Oh, hey, I ended up joining a search party for this.
24:17fella, and I found him.
24:19Matches his description perfectly.
24:21He joined your own search party, of course you did.
24:23Eh?
24:24Ken!
24:27Oh, you silly man.
24:31You had me so worried.
24:33Don't do that again.
24:35Hey, you should replenish your fluids.
24:37Take a sip of my suckers.
24:39Eh?
24:40Have you guys been here long?
24:42No, we just got here.
24:43So you didn't see anything?
24:44What?
24:45Nothing.
24:46Can you take me back to my family now?
24:49Yes, I'll take you back to your family now.
24:52You've been banging on about that for some time now.
24:55You've been making a terrible plush.
24:58There it is, there it is.
25:07What a day.
25:09Where did your laptop end up?
25:12Glasgow.
25:13Oh.
25:14I've had my whole life in that lap, Tom.
25:17Oh, look at that.
25:19I was going to watch the untouchables tonight.
25:23He puts one of yours in the morgue, you put one of his in the hospital.
25:27That's the Chicago.
25:27That's the other way about it.
25:29What?
25:29He puts one of yours in the hospital, you put one of his in the morgue.
25:33That's the Chicago way.
25:35Who are you doing?
25:36Honestly, I give it.
25:38Right, Dad.
25:39I'm knackered.
25:39I'm going to bed.
25:41Night-night.
25:43Okay.
25:44Good night, son.
25:55You can stream it.
25:57I will.
25:58Watch it online.
25:59Don't need the satellite for that.
26:03There you go.
26:04Marvellous.
26:05I'll start in a minute.
26:06Ho-ho!
26:09Oh, thank you, Sean.
26:14I'll start in a minute.
26:18Oh, fuck.
26:20Fuck.
26:21Oh, fuck.
26:23Fuck.
26:24Fuck.
26:27Fuck.
26:28Fuck.
26:35Fuck.
26:41Fuck.
26:42Fuck.
26:44Fuck.
26:46Fuck.
26:47Fuck.
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