- 4 hours ago
Celebs Go Dating - Season 15 - Episode 02
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Previously on Celebs Go Dating
00:02Six brand new celebs came looking for love
00:06I'm so excited guys
00:07And they were thrown a swanky dinner party
00:10This is a bit boosh
00:11Where their nearest and dearest spilled the tea
00:14She terrified of...
00:15Gentlemen
00:16Steven's a nightmare
00:19Elderly ladies have got very close to him
00:22Absolute granny magnet
00:25Dates were then dished out
00:26He has chucked me
00:29Dating
00:30Meow
00:30And tonight
00:32Hi
00:32Hi
00:33We get deep
00:34I was very much abandoned
00:36We get direct
00:37You're right bitch now
00:38And we get dirty
00:40God, suck a fart out of your ass
00:42He's got some cheek
00:44Has a celeb
00:46Three since four since more sons
00:47Go!
00:48What am I having to go on y'all?
00:49Dating
00:50Um
00:51I need more the boom boom
00:53Do you mind if I kiss you?
00:54I dunno, can you play the drums?
01:03Welcome to Celebs Go Dating
01:05Romance rehab for any star lacking a little ooh la la
01:08Come on, let's get all your juices on your nib
01:12And Tom's playing with his penis again
01:14Sorry, read that wrong
01:15Tom's playing with his pens again
01:17Order
01:19Meaning
01:20To burn with passion
01:25Someone who always makes me a little larder
01:27And the only man who can pull off a leather gilet outside the village people
01:31It's Paul the big doll Brunson
01:35Oh my best chum
01:38Look at the size of those trouser legs
01:40Hello my love
01:41Hello there
01:41Oh my goodness
01:43What?
01:44You have a chalkboard
01:45Yes, very high tech Tom
01:47I love it
01:47So every day
01:48Are we going to get a word?
01:50Well, if you'd like
01:51Yes
01:51I mean
01:52The thing is
01:53I could use it for admin as well
01:55Oh no
01:56You prefer that etymological stimulation
01:58I knew you would
02:02Well, if there's stimulation of any kind going on
02:05Saucy sexpert Dr. T is going to want to be a part of it
02:10Hi friends
02:11Hi
02:12Hello
02:13Good morning
02:14Good morning
02:17And you know A-dubs won't want to be left out in the rain
02:20Should have hung Paul's trousers up as a canopy
02:22Could have kept the whole postcode dry
02:25Good morning
02:26Good morning
02:27Oh no
02:27Oh bloody hell, it's quite cats and dogs
02:29Hello
02:29Oh you look so good
02:30Thank you, I'm very wet
02:32Oh
02:32Ever the oversharer
02:34Such a wet day but such an exciting day
02:36Very exciting
02:37Off the back of yesterday
02:38Yeah
02:39That was, can I say, that was the most phenomenal opening event I think we've ever had
02:45Beautiful and insightful
02:47Someone that surprised me was Colleen
02:50Colleen's someone who's so prominent in the UK
02:53Media
02:54So, in my head I thought she would be a bit of a diva
02:58But, oh, absolutely not
03:01Wow
03:01So warm, kind and nice
03:03I don't know, I've seen her ride her
03:05A bowl full of lemon sherbets and a can of dandelion and burdock
03:08Or she won't turn up
03:09From a negative, it was Gabby
03:11Yes
03:12Here is someone now who is a rabbit in her headlights
03:15Yes
03:15And I think this is going to be a real challenge for Gabby
03:18Very exposing, I thought, for Gabby
03:21Yes
03:21What do we think of Lucinda?
03:22Oh, I mean, I think she's exactly like what you see is what you get
03:26Yeah
03:26When she signed up to join the agency, immediately I was a bit apprehensive
03:31Because she does consider herself an expert in this category of love and relationships
03:39And I thought, wow, will she be open enough to actually hear us out?
03:44Who surprised you the most last night?
03:47Steven, without question
03:49Because I feel like he was also one of the leaders
03:51He set the tone by being vulnerable and that allowed the entire group to be vulnerable
03:56So I applaud that
03:57Because if he set the tone by being jokey or by being dismissive
04:02Everyone would have followed through
04:04Yes
04:04Alright Paul, some of us pay the mortgage being jokey and dismissive
04:09Anyway, you'll be pleased to know, first in the agency, and in need of some expert coaching
04:14After a while out of the dating game, is golden boy Steven
04:17A man who's so pro-green, that he'll wear all the ugliest shades of it
04:23Hello, Steven
04:24Come in, do it
04:25It was meant to be a one night king
04:27Nothing more than a little one night queen
04:29Now when I'm in need, you're the one night ring
04:31I need you too
04:35Entrez
04:36Hello
04:37Hello
04:37Hello you
04:38Look at that noisy jacket
04:39How are you doing?
04:41Oh, I'm swell
04:42Good, you look great
04:43I forget how lofty you are
04:45You're like a...
04:45You're like a great sequoia
04:47What's a sequoia?
04:48You know like those redwoods
04:50You're forgetting he's not actually a professor, Tom
04:52Those ones that sort of stretch up to the skies, almost interminably
04:56Very tall trees
04:57Yeah, he could have just said that
04:59I was in the jungle recently
05:01Oh really?
05:02You should mention it more often
05:03Do you know what?
05:04You had such a good bunch in there
05:05I met H recently
05:06And he's a...
05:07Oh, H is sublime
05:08He's a gorgeous human
05:09Yeah
05:09Do you know, in a funny old way
05:11I think you and H are very similar
05:13Are they?
05:13Because you're very, very...
05:15We're both white and we rap
05:17Well...
05:17Awkward
05:18Change of subject, Tom
05:19I'm glad that your lucky mastoid is popping out again
05:23How can you see that when his legs are crossed?
05:25It's always out there unless I've got a scarf on
05:27Oh, he means his tattoo
05:29Oh...
05:29Do you have any names on you?
05:31I've got a couple
05:33The most recent one is half of my son's name
05:36His name is Slimane, which is the Arabic Solomon
05:38Got slim on me in his handwriting
05:40I've got fat on me in my wife's handwriting
05:42Just a bit of fun
05:49One thing that's no joke is how seriously Gabby takes getting ready for a date
05:53The geezers are fisherman Gavs just chucking some waders and reel him in
05:57Most people say less is more, but I like more is more
06:02Flipping heck, is she Rob too and Carmoon?
06:04The more jewellery I can wear the better
06:06I feel like it makes an outfit
06:07And also this is the most organised I've ever been for any date in my whole life
06:11Surprised you're making any effort after the way you went on at last night's dinner party
06:15Oh, I don't fancy him
06:18I spend my days handling carp
06:21Is that fish? It is
06:22That doesn't turn me on
06:23Really? I'm getting a semi
06:24Can we have another one?
06:25You can, but he handles trout
06:28All I know about him is that he handles carp on the daily
06:31Just think of all the Omega 3 Gabs
06:33I need to maybe broaden my horizons and not be so set in my ways
06:38And think that I know what I want when I might
06:41That might be where I'm going wrong
06:43Alright, well that sounds begrudgingly positive
06:45Well done
06:46You know, if I really fancy somebody
06:48Then I can kind of just ignore all the red flags
06:50Just because I think they really fit
06:53So, maybe I need to do it the opposite way around
06:55And get to know someone first
06:56And then really like them
06:58Yeah, that's the spirit
06:59I don't ever put this much thought into it
07:02It's just intense
07:04It's a lot
07:06There's so much you have to think about
07:07Let alone the bloody what dress I'm going to wear
07:10Does it actually even matter?
07:11What I wear at this point?
07:14And we're back to Negi energy again
07:16It was good why it lasted
07:19Far more excited is Anna
07:20Who's fangirling hard after calling Pro Green up for his consultation
07:25I don't think we've ever had a celebrity quite as cool as Steven, Professor Green
07:30Dean Gaffney's going to be fuming
07:32This is what I loved about him at the dinner party
07:34He says that everyone thinks he is this, yeah, quite hard man
07:38Cool, because he's a hip-hop star
07:40Yes
07:41But he doesn't see that
07:42And even his friend Lewis was like, he's clunky
07:44He's awkward, he's chaotic
07:46He actually called him a nightmare
07:48So I think what's going to be brilliant
07:50Is shining a spotlight on Professor Green, Steven
07:54In a way that nobody has ever done before
07:57Come on in
07:58Come on in
08:01Steven
08:02Hello
08:02Hello
08:04Steven's openness at the dinner party
08:06Made him an early contender for teacher's pet
08:08I'm relatively newly separated
08:10My situation is difficult
08:13Everything works backwards from being a father
08:15So I would like to get under the
08:17I'd like to get under my hood
08:19Find out a little bit about me
08:20And first to try and get underneath said hood
08:22Is Viv
08:23We have some envelopes
08:24These are your first dates
08:26Shit's real
08:27Shit just got real
08:28Well if Viv is even half as keen as Anna
08:30It'll be set
08:32I'm gonna never waste, Steven
08:33I need you tonight
08:34Is constantly on in my kitchen
08:36Well on that subject
08:37It clearly is a true story
08:39For all my fans that thought I was just playing a character
08:41That was a song about a man who was hopeless in love, wasn't it?
08:44Yes
08:45Yes
08:46Look we've had plenty of musicians come through the celebrity dating agency doors
08:49But Steven is the first bonafide rapper
08:52And as a hip-hop fan coming from the birthplace of hip-hop Queens, New York
08:58I can't tell you how excited I am that he is here
09:01Did you ever breakdance?
09:03Hell no
09:04Alright so in full disclosure
09:05Do you know this?
09:06Can you breakdance?
09:06Something tells me we're about to find out
09:08So
09:09Hang on I've known this man in 10 years
09:11Alright
09:12Ready?
09:12Yeah
09:13Oh you get it
09:15Smooth
09:17Oh so he can't breakdance
09:21You have to commit to your best breakdance move
09:25Sorry to be boring Bobby but can we commit to finding Steven a date and stop mucking about please?
09:30Go on then
09:30Are you ready?
09:31My tits might fall out
09:32Oh I suppose there's no harm in one more move
09:35Sorry Steven
09:36Oh my god
09:38She wasn't joking
09:41What are you doing?
09:43She's making a well respected rapper feel very uncomfortable P-dog
09:46That's what she's doing
09:47We want to applaud you for the dinner party because of how you started and how you opened
09:54I quite often dive head first
09:56Here I am
09:57Here it is
09:57Yes
09:58But in this instance I'm really happy I did
09:59If it gave people permission to put forward what they might not have otherwise
10:06What is it that you believe we can help you most with?
10:09I've never had objective opinion on how I communicate in the setting of a date
10:18And you know hands up I've been completely honest I don't know if I'm even ready to date
10:23But there's more pressure than needs to be on it by saying it's a date
10:26Because ultimately it's two people sitting down and having a conversation
10:29That is a major statement hands up I may not be ready to date
10:35That's one that we definitely have to unpack a bit in this session
10:40There's going to be feelings of guilt around all of this
10:43Is it guilt because it's very fresh coming into the dating world?
10:47Because obviously we are aware that you have very recently come out of a relationship
10:52And is that the source of guilt?
10:54Absolutely, that is the source of guilt
10:56It's really hard to step confidently into something new
11:00When what came before it is still so close in the rear view
11:05And when there is a child involved it is made ever more complicated
11:10Not least of all because they are front and centre and priority in all things
11:15I am still grieving
11:17The loss of your relationship
11:19Yeah, absolutely
11:20Of course
11:21And not just for me
11:22For our family
11:24And for our son
11:26For those feelings of confusion that we are impacting with
11:29It feels like a hell of a lot
11:32Yeah
11:32Yeah
11:34Yeah
11:46Be yourself
11:47Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating
11:50Where a bonza little beauty is heading in for some pointers
11:54After getting paired up with a date at last night's dinner party
11:57I think the first tip should be
11:59Don't marry the lad at first sight
12:00Our street
12:03Hello, celebrity dating agency
12:05Hello, gorgeous Tom
12:07It's Lucinda
12:08Come in
12:18Oh, oh
12:20Hello
12:22Sartorial sorceress you are
12:24Well then you should tell her our wizard sleeves hanging out
12:26Having recently delved rather extensively down under
12:31I have returned to Blighty with a hankering for more
12:35And Lucinda more than satisfies that hankering
12:39You look to me like somebody in her prime
12:43You just radiate light
12:45That is very sweet
12:46You know Lucinda means light
12:48It means the sparkle on the champagne
12:50You are like a vintage champagne
12:52Everything
12:52You're suffused with gold
12:54Do you know all this I got out of that is vintage
12:56Which I like
12:57Because it's true
12:58I'm middle aged now
12:59Oh no, no, no
13:00Which is what I know
13:01Oh Lucinda
13:02What have I said
13:03Pretty sure you said she was old and dusty like forgotten fizz
13:07That's what we heard
13:09Upstairs an uncorked Stevens continuing to open up to Anna and Paul about his relationship troubles
13:15I've never been very good at letting go
13:18I really struggle
13:18Even when things aren't good for me or good for us or good for you know anyone involved
13:24And I don't know if that comes from my having been abandoned early on
13:30Everyone always goes back to childhood right to try and find the reasons for things
13:33But I was very much abandoned and felt as such
13:38Despite having such a solid family unit by way of my grandmother, my great grandmother and my uncles
13:42And I think that potentially makes me not want to abandon someone else because I'm very aware of that feeling
13:50Right
13:51Stephen is clearly feeling very fragile and understandably so
13:56He has been through a lot of challenges in his life ranging from his early childhood right up until recent
14:02relationship breakdown
14:03But he does seem to be very open to working through a lot of those emotions which will be immensely
14:08helpful
14:09What we want you to do is use this opportunity to help you grieve your relationship
14:14And I think when it comes to the dating side of things to help you with some of your challenges
14:22Communication interpersonal skills confidence self-esteem
14:26I feel like some of that has been eroded right of late
14:30My posture isn't always, you know, I've had people pick up on it
14:32Right
14:33And I carry things, you know, and I don't, I'm not very good at hiding that
14:39And at 42, having recently been diagnosed as autistic
14:44And trying to get my head around that
14:46It's so weird getting to this age and being like, hmm, who am I?
14:53Have you dated within the last year?
14:59No, not like, let's go to a restaurant, let's, this could be something, no
15:02Are you still open to going out on dates?
15:06It's, yeah, I have to reframe it as something other than to be comfortable with it, but yeah
15:10What works for you? Meetup? A drink?
15:14I don't know
15:15How about meetup?
15:16Nah, celebs go meeting up, sounds world shit
15:19They do that on Amsterdam
15:20Does that feel more comfortable for you?
15:22Yeah
15:22Perfect, because that really is all it is
15:24The pressure is off
15:26I think it's going to be a really good first step for you with Viv
15:30I will just try and follow your lead and trust you
15:34Super
15:35Thank you, thank you
15:36All right, thank you
15:38We're going to have a really fun time, I promise you
15:41See you later
15:41Bye love, see you
15:42See ya
15:45Gosh, I tell you
15:47He's perfect
15:48What a brilliant chap
15:51Yes
15:51I mean, he is very complicated, he's very deep, he's very self-aware
15:55And I think it's very brave of him to want to be vulnerable with us
16:00To explore his romantic life as well
16:04So while Stephen has the night to ready himself for tomorrow's day
16:08Sorry, meetup with Viv
16:16A judgemental Gabby has been told to be a bit more accepting
16:19Going into her first date at the agency with Fisherman Johnny
16:23I'm actually really nervous about my dates
16:24On first impressions, I wasn't instantly attracted to him
16:29He's obsessed with fish
16:30And listen, I need my man to be more obsessed with me than anything
16:34So that's one thing that we might have to work through
16:36Come on Gabs, cut him some slack
16:38There's more to the man than just fish
16:40On way down, I've called past fair, right
16:43And I've played a bit of hook and duck
16:45And I've only got to bought her a goldfish from fair
16:47So I'm going to see how she likes a little pet goldfish
16:51OK, so maybe he's a little bit obsessed with fish
16:53But at least he didn't bring a carp
16:54I wasn't initially attracted to Johnny
16:56But, you know, things can change
16:58He might have great craft
16:59Or he might have a fish in a bag
17:02Oh my God
17:09What are you saying my lashing hood?
17:12But you've never ever ever seen this in your life, have you?
17:15Calm down, it's a goldfish, not the Loch Ness Monster
17:18That nobody's ever fetched you a goldfish
17:22No, thank you
17:23What would you name it?
17:26Yeah, go on, what would you call it?
17:27I call it little Johnny me
17:28Normally bringing a Johnny to a first date would be a bit presumptuous
17:31But this is a whole nother level
17:33I cannot believe that he's walked in with a goldfish
17:36It's definitely an icebreaker
17:38But it's not the kind of first impression that I was looking for
17:43It's cute though, but surely you catch bigger fish than this though?
17:47I do catch bigger fish than that
17:48Big carp?
17:49Big carp, yeah
17:49Big carp
17:50Have you ever done fishing?
17:52I just thought it was so boring
17:54He can't wrap his head around that, can he?
17:57What do you mean?
17:57I'm not missing
17:59So tell me-
18:00Wait, I'll-
18:01Pull it back
18:03Why fishing?
18:04There's no better thing than being inside at water
18:06Do you know when you wake up in the morning and you've got water and you wake up to at
18:09ducks
18:10Bird life and stuff like that
18:12And then catching a fish is another thing
18:14That's just a bonus really
18:15I just like being at one with nature, shall we say
18:18Aw, that's nice
18:18I know Gabs, I'm sold, pass me a rod
18:21Can I take your foot out, okay
18:23I'm just going to have a pepperoni pizza, mate.
18:25Are you?
18:26Yeah, or you're going to have a...
18:27I'm going to get a sea bass piece.
18:29Cover your ears, little Johnny.
18:30Might be his cousin.
18:32I know you're going to have a fish.
18:34I'm theme, you know.
18:35Well, this is going better than expected.
18:37I wonder if Gabby's going to end up lakeside
18:39with her hands on Johnny's tackle.
18:47Back at the agency, Dr T and the PCB
18:50are hoping to tackle Lucinda's relationship woes.
18:53I'm excited to see her.
18:55I'm very curious why it has been such a struggle
18:58for her to date because she's a gem.
19:01So what is wrong?
19:03Great question.
19:04We will find out.
19:06Hi!
19:07Hi!
19:08Oh my gosh, hello, you gorgeous creatures.
19:10Lucinda, you're here.
19:12Lucinda brightens and opens up
19:14every room she walks into
19:16and I can't tell you how excited I am
19:18that she's walked through the agency doors.
19:21I'm a little bit nervous.
19:23My heart's beating.
19:25She's dragged her sleeve up two floors.
19:27It's a lot on the line, all of this, isn't it?
19:30What is on the line?
19:32I suppose exposing myself to love again.
19:37I'm letting some armour go.
19:39I'm being really real.
19:41And I'm absolutely on the pursuit for my love.
19:46Lucinda, what is the last committed, loving, safe relationship you were in?
19:53End of 2018.
19:55I was with somebody for five years.
19:58He had children.
19:58And I was 38 and really wanted a baby.
20:02And he was just so undecided about it.
20:05And I just walked.
20:06I walked on my 38th birthday.
20:09Wow.
20:09And it was one of the hardest things I've done.
20:12And I was just full of regret and pain.
20:16And I then had a nervous breakdown.
20:19That was a wreck.
20:20Absolute wrecking ball.
20:22It's really brave for Lucinda to open up about this.
20:25Time is of the essence.
20:27And the pressure is really on for us to find a suitable partner for her to take the next step
20:32with.
20:33I think a big point of tension that perhaps you've already worked on it,
20:36I recently worked on it, actually, is grieving not having children.
20:41It was a big moment for me.
20:43And I'm sure you had to go through a lot of internal emotional rollercoaster of like,
20:48well, but I'm a woman.
20:50This is what I'm supposed to do.
20:51And I think I'm still grieving, Ash.
20:55Did you freeze your eggs?
20:56No.
20:57Okay.
20:57No.
20:58Because I always thought, you know, we'll crack open life into existence if it's meant to be.
21:05Look, I'm a cancerian mama.
21:07I always thought I'd have kids.
21:09And it is still possible that I do.
21:12I'm quite philosophical about it.
21:14I've always sort of left it up to the universe to decide what will be so, will be so.
21:20There's still a tiny piece of me that's like, but you still could know.
21:25Like, what if you met somebody you could actually still, at the 11th hour, squeeze in a little nugget?
21:41MUSIC PLAYS
21:42Whilst Lucinda wishes for a conceivable connection, Gabby's already been on the receiving end of Johnny's Little Swimmers.
21:48Thank you, hon.
21:49Have a dick at size of that, man.
21:51Have a dick?
21:52I'll have a look, but that's as far as I'll go.
21:55Enjoy.
21:56Thank you so much.
21:56Right, go on then, tell me.
21:58What kind of bloat you're into?
21:59Are you into a proper chava or are you into a spice boy?
22:03Are we into a sort of one of them pretty boys?
22:06I do like a good-looking face.
22:09A healthy appetite?
22:10Someone that works out. You look like you work out.
22:12Do you train?
22:13Talking about training turns me on.
22:16Here we go, talk about an open goal.
22:18Go on, Johnny, reel her in, mate.
22:19What are you benching, bro?
22:21Jesus Christ, that's fucking red, aren't you?
22:24Mate, come on, I guess we can rule out the spice.
22:26Spice boy, then.
22:29Spicy hot.
22:31Spicy.
22:34How's your face?
22:35It's actually really good.
22:37I don't think little Johnny's happy, you know.
22:39Oh, my God, no.
22:40Don't go up, Johnny.
22:42He's all brethren, he's all cooked up, man.
22:45I wouldn't go as far as saying I fancy Johnny yet,
22:48but he's funny.
22:50I'll give him that.
22:51Sounds like keeping an open mind is paying off.
22:53The agents are going to be well smug.
22:56How long have you been single?
22:58I've been single for two years.
23:01Give or take.
23:02I just find it so hard to find someone that I actually really like.
23:05Yeah?
23:05How about you?
23:07Not long.
23:08Not long?
23:10I feel like you're a player.
23:12Player, player.
23:14No?
23:15At least a night, mate.
23:17Do you not get loads of girls in your DMs, then?
23:18What?
23:19I'm not going to lie to you.
23:20Come on, tell me what they say.
23:21Tell me what they say.
23:22What's the best part?
23:23The worst one were a bit weird.
23:27It says, oh, God, I'd suck a fart out of your arse.
23:29She'd do what now?
23:30And I think to me saying, oh, sucking farts out of people's arses.
23:34Do you know what I mean?
23:35Who's doing that?
23:36I don't know, but when you find out, give them my number.
23:38I've got to backlog it.
23:39What a girl wrote that?
23:40Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:44And that didn't work.
23:46No, did it fuck?
23:47To be fair, I wouldn't mind having a go on your arse anyway.
23:50Fit, aren't you?
23:51Jesus Christ, he's turned up with a fish in a bag
23:53and he wants to suck a fart out of her arse.
23:55What a first date.
24:07Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating,
24:09where Lucinda's been bearing her soul to the agents
24:12and surrendering to a process
24:14in a way only someone prepared to marry a complete stranger could.
24:19You are incredibly self-aware.
24:22Do you believe that you're in a space
24:24to relinquish the guidance of your love life to us?
24:30Yes.
24:31OK.
24:31I desperately need your help.
24:33The last couple of years, I have been quite dormant.
24:36Oh, sorry to hear that, Luce.
24:38Apart from a couple of affairs and a bit of poly
24:41and from a very sexy affair in Indonesia last year,
24:45which was just hot to trash.
24:47OK.
24:48Well, that put my handjob last month to shame.
24:50I've been involved in tantra communities.
24:53Oh, she's not finished.
24:55Tried a woman for the first time in my life
24:57and that was incredible.
24:59I have given it all a go, don't you worry.
25:03We believe it.
25:04You've had it all, right?
25:05You've done it all.
25:06I've done a bit of all of that.
25:07Which means that you...
25:08Threesomes, foursomes, moresomes, you name it.
25:10Yeah.
25:10Sounds like she's done everything
25:11except learn what dormant means.
25:13Is it your desire to have one committed partner?
25:19And then, if so, in what form?
25:22Is that marriage or some other form?
25:24I am open to unconventional,
25:27but I do love the idea of really sharing my life
25:32with somebody for the next couple of decades.
25:36OK.
25:37I do want somebody that's up for life, you know.
25:41Yes.
25:42That's just got a bit of funk in his soul.
25:45Yes.
25:45Like, I just want a sexy kind of middle-aged dude
25:48that's got it going on.
25:50Watch your back, Paul, and your front.
25:51So, what did you think of the letter
25:55that you got at the dinner party?
25:57We have some envelopes.
25:59They signify the beginning of your own dating journey.
26:03Oh.
26:04Oh.
26:06He looks cool.
26:08Neil, oh, he seems delightful.
26:10All this I really know about him is golfing and surfing.
26:14I don't know much about golf, to be honest.
26:17All right, fair.
26:18Is he a swinger?
26:18I'm not sure.
26:19Just don't get excited.
26:21If he mentions a foursome, it's not what you think.
26:23That's how I got barred from the West Wiccan pitching part.
26:26I've had many friends who've come from Married at First Sight.
26:29Mm-hmm.
26:29OK.
26:31Traumatized.
26:32A tiny bit.
26:34Yes.
26:35But they often enter relationships very quickly.
26:38I will say, though, you're not there to attach.
26:42You're simply there to observe.
26:44Yes.
26:45I think that's very important, because that takes the pressure off.
26:49This was a great first session.
26:50Loving your vibes.
26:51You guys just suck.
26:53Yeah.
26:53Wicked guys.
26:55See you, gorgeous.
26:56We'll see you guys soon.
26:58OK, take care.
26:59Have fun tonight.
27:00Bye.
27:03That was so lovely.
27:05Yeah, she's great.
27:06She has an opportunity to truly find a partner in this agency.
27:11Who says she'll stick to one?
27:18And speaking of kinks, still reeling from a flirty, farty fantasy,
27:22the open mind that Gabby was encouraged to bring to her date
27:25with fart hoover Johnny might be rapidly shrinking.
27:29Imagine going on a date and being bored out of your fucking head.
27:34I'm so confused.
27:35I like this guy, but it's too much, isn't it?
27:36I'd just walk away.
27:37Wait.
27:38I know what I want, and I want what I know,
27:39so I'm very forward.
27:41Sorry, I've just got to go to the loo and then backdoor it.
27:43Yeah, of course.
27:44Don't tell him to backdoor it, Gabby.
27:46He'll be all over you.
27:48It's five.
27:51But this is going well for me and you, my lads.
27:53I'm still here, so...
27:54Yeah, but how long will she be?
27:56So, if you take me out, where would you take me?
27:59I normally let the woman decide where we're going to go.
28:03Cos I'm...
28:03I need a leader, though.
28:05Yeah.
28:06I like somebody that's like,
28:07I'm going to pick you up at eight for going this place.
28:10Yeah.
28:11Where would I take you?
28:12Curry house followed by yoga.
28:16We can just go to a nice bar.
28:18Yeah, I'd probably get smashed, yeah.
28:20Yeah, get smashed back to an hotel.
28:21Oh, ease off again.
28:23Oh, OK.
28:24Yeah.
28:25First night.
28:26You'll never find a sitter for little Johnny
28:27at such short notice.
28:29Depends how you're feeling.
28:32That means you mean, my lads.
28:34Yeah, we kind of noticed that
28:35when you offered to suck a fart out of her arse.
28:37Johnny has got great energy.
28:39It makes me belly laugh, but he's a lot.
28:42Maybe a bit too much.
28:44I'm just going to go for it to the toilet.
28:45Is that OK?
28:46You'll do you, my lads.
28:47You'll do you.
28:48Hold up, where's she going?
28:50Is she going for a backdoor exit?
28:54She wouldn't leave him with sole custody
28:55of little Johnny, would she?
28:59Whilst Johnny waits to see if Gabby slipped out
29:01like a bum bubble,
29:03bubbly Colleen is slipping into the agency
29:05under the cover of darkness
29:06to discuss her date with Neil last night.
29:09Hello, celebrity dating agency.
29:11Hi, it's Colleen.
29:13Sexy music on the wall.
29:16Sexy music, I was getting it all.
29:20Sexy, sexy music.
29:23Oh, hello, you.
29:28Oh, welcome, welcome.
29:31Good to be here.
29:32I'm so happy to have a veteran songstress
29:36and professional jabberer at the agency.
29:39It's not every day that I'm allowed to probe a loose woman.
29:42You were magnificent last night, by the way.
29:45I just have to tell you.
29:46You came in like a Madagascan movie.
29:50And I just thought,
29:51my God, she's doing this with a plum and panache.
29:55Are those her sisters?
29:56There's too many of them to remember.
29:59Oh, Tom, stop it.
29:59I do.
30:00An awful lot of gentlemen might think that
30:02in very short order, too.
30:03Oh, well, fingers crossed.
30:05You're touring again, aren't you?
30:07Yeah, but this one is more of a...
30:09like an audience with.
30:10But might there be a song?
30:12Oh, there has to be at least one song.
30:14Have they got more than one?
30:16Oh, Colleen, yes.
30:18There could not be.
30:19They'll be sitting there waiting for it.
30:21Oh, my God.
30:22Get up, let me teach you don't make waves.
30:24Don't make waves?
30:25I'm in the mood for dancing, Colleen.
30:27Give the people what they want.
30:28People remember this more than a song.
30:31No-one remembers the song.
30:35Don't, don't make waves.
30:38Oh, oh, you become the...
30:40Oh, I clicked then.
30:40I did.
30:41So embarrassing.
30:42Fair play.
30:43Colleen still moves like someone half her age.
30:45Tom dances like my nan, though,
30:47and she's on her full flip.
30:58And Hippie Lucinda is looking to put the moves on
31:01a middle-aged dude with funk in his soul.
31:03Could that be Golf Pro Neil?
31:05I'm actually really excited to meet Neil.
31:07I think he looks like a really kind, lovely, open kind of guy.
31:12Well, he's going to have to be open to quite a lot
31:14to keep up with you, Luce.
31:15He's got a good vibe.
31:17I haven't been on any dating apps or anything like that
31:20for the best part of six years,
31:21and now I've thrown myself into this.
31:23So what could go wrong?
31:25You could end up in a polyamorous foursome in Indonesia,
31:28for all we know, mate.
31:33Hi.
31:34How are you?
31:35Very well, thank you.
31:36How are you?
31:38Lovely to meet you too.
31:39Neil.
31:41So brave.
31:43Not the most reassuring thing to open with,
31:47Um, yes.
31:49Where did you come from just now?
31:51Oh, Bournemouth.
31:52Yes.
31:52Yeah.
31:53Have you been there before?
31:54I have been to Bournemouth.
31:55I was there last year.
31:56One of the affairs, no doubt.
31:58Yeah, it's cute.
31:58It's not bad.
31:59I love all the beach boxers.
32:01Yes.
32:02The beach huts.
32:02Yeah, there's, yeah.
32:03Well, actually, do you know something?
32:06That would be the first beach huts in the UK.
32:11Something tells me Neil's not a part of the tantric sex community.
32:15Oh, Neil is such a lovely guy and a really handsome guy.
32:19I can tell he's nervous.
32:20I hope he loosens up.
32:22Um.
32:25Uh, you're from Australia.
32:27I'm from Australia.
32:28Whereabouts?
32:28I'm from the Great Ocean Road, which is super surfing.
32:31Nice.
32:32It's got massive surf culture.
32:34Do you surf?
32:35No.
32:36I'm in the ocean all the time, but not so much on the surfboard.
32:41Yeah.
32:42Okay.
32:42You're a golfer as well.
32:43I teach golf as well.
32:45Oh, you teach golf?
32:46Yeah, yeah, yeah.
32:47Oh, okay.
32:49Um.
32:50So while Lucinda and Neil try to find their way out of the rough.
32:56The agents are keen to hear how Colleen's dating journey teed off last night.
33:01Golf stuff.
33:02Hello.
33:03Oh, well, I'm at the right door.
33:05Colleen, welcome.
33:07During the dinner party, Colleen opened up about her struggles with loneliness.
33:11This sounds pathetic.
33:12This year was the first time that I've ever had to put Christmas decorations upon my own.
33:18And then went straight out to meet former army engineer, Neil.
33:22So I've never actually blown up a bridge, but I taught people how to do it.
33:26Backseat driver.
33:27There's no one to tell about my day.
33:30Oh, my God, that's me.
33:31After a promising start, the ex-soldier went in for the kill.
33:35I would really like to see you again.
33:37I hope you feel the same.
33:38Yeah, that'd be lovely.
33:39Really, Colleen?
33:41Welcome to the agency.
33:43Welcome to your safe space.
33:45Oh, absolutely.
33:46I'm genuinely here for your help to hopefully meet someone.
33:51Because I'm just not doing a very good job of it.
33:54I'm trying.
33:56Is it possible for us to go into unpacking your date?
34:02So, Neil.
34:03I can't fault him on being a really nice man, because he was.
34:08But as time went on, I just didn't feel any connection.
34:13I don't know.
34:13I just didn't feel attracted.
34:16And then...
34:17Go on.
34:17He asked me if I want to see him again.
34:19Okay.
34:20What did you say?
34:21I went, oh, yeah, that'd be nice.
34:26Wow.
34:27Oh, Colleen Nolan.
34:29He was so nice.
34:30How can I say to someone no?
34:33That's the epitome of people pleasing.
34:35This is it.
34:35I don't think it's a people pleaser.
34:37I just don't want to hurt people.
34:38Right.
34:39That's a people pleaser.
34:40And people pleasers are lovely, lovely people.
34:43I used to be one.
34:45Not anymore.
34:46She goes, no, you're right, bitch, now.
34:50Whoa, suck the fart out of that one, eh, Dubs?
34:52Yes.
34:53Yes.
34:55That is the truth.
34:57That is the truth.
34:59Finally someone speak the truth.
35:00I hope I end up like you at the end of this.
35:03She might be a Nolan sister, but she's the daddy now.
35:19Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating,
35:21where fart fan Johnny's anxiously waiting
35:23to see if Gabby's given him a taste of his own medicine
35:26and done a runner.
35:28She's here, man.
35:30Do you know what I thought you'd done then in my life?
35:32I thought you'd fucking backdoze me.
35:36No, I'm sorry.
35:38I'm sorry.
35:39Sorted?
35:40Yeah.
35:40She's a lot lighter on her feet now.
35:42What would be your ideal first date?
35:44Where would you want to take me?
35:45I doubt she knows many tackle and bait shops.
35:48Or second date.
35:49In fact, fuck that.
35:50Where were we going on a third date, my lass?
35:51Where were we going?
35:52He's not letting her off the hook here, is he?
35:54Should have expected that from an angler.
35:56I just love a nice restaurant with a good wine.
35:59I like a good steak.
36:01Do you?
36:01How do you have it?
36:03Medium.
36:03Not too much blood, but...
36:05No.
36:05I don't like it dripping, man.
36:08No.
36:08Safe.
36:09Medium rare.
36:10It makes everything else go soggy around it.
36:12That's true.
36:12Do you know what I mean?
36:13Yeah.
36:13Just a bit pink.
36:14I'm not bothered about things going soggy.
36:17Unless.
36:18This guy is something else.
36:23Here's your beer.
36:24Here, I'll take that by, mate.
36:25Are you sure?
36:25Do you want to go halves?
36:26100%.
36:27No, you're right.
36:27I'll take that.
36:28He don't do anything by halves, this guy.
36:30100% commitment to every thought that ever enters his head.
36:34That's very kind of you.
36:36This is probably a date that I'm going to remember for the rest of my fucking life.
36:40Oh, that's sweet.
36:41So will we, my lad.
36:43So will we.
36:44Thank you so much for dinner.
36:46We'll definitely be in touch.
36:48You'll be in touch, will you?
36:49Aren't you forgetting something?
36:51Fish.
36:52Don't forget your fish.
36:52I forgot my fish already, sorry.
36:54Don't forget your fish.
36:55Little Johnny, big Johnny.
36:55Come on, then.
36:56Little Johnny.
36:57It was a first date like I've not had before.
37:00Moving forward, I don't know whether I would pursue him romantically.
37:05Thank you for tonight.
37:06I hope so much.
37:07Oh.
37:08Absolutely amazing, my lass.
37:09And next time, I am coming home with her.
37:13You wish.
37:14She's a proper fit little thing, she is, man.
37:16She took me by surprise.
37:18I feel like something out of a fucking movie, man.
37:22And I spent a lot of money on a good old outfit to impress her,
37:25so it wants to be worth it and done it.
37:27So, but yeah, I'd go on a second date with her.
37:29Who's going to tell him?
37:30Hats off to him.
37:31I think he will be perfect for somebody that,
37:35I can't even say I was going to say,
37:37that likes farts being sucked out their arse.
37:41But he also said he'd suck a fart out of my arse,
37:43which, I mean, I think is a compliment.
37:46I've never heard that one before, but I'll take it.
37:49That's how it starts, Gabs.
37:50Then before you know it,
37:51you're the piggy in the middle of a human centipede.
37:54Worst second date ever.
37:57Just across the way,
37:59Lucinda was pretty gassed to meet up with Neil,
38:01but he's yet to really let rip in the banter department.
38:04Come on, buddy, relax, you've got this.
38:06Cheers.
38:07Yeah.
38:08Cheers.
38:09Thanks for being here.
38:11Pleasure.
38:11Pleasure's mine.
38:12So tell me a little bit more about you,
38:14you know, your family,
38:15or what, I don't know,
38:16what else are you passionate about?
38:18Um, so...
38:19All right, Neil, here's your chance.
38:21Art, music, tantric sex.
38:22Yeah, um...
38:24Golf is my passion, I guess.
38:26Oh, Neil.
38:28I'm looking for that passion and spark.
38:31I mean, I love that he loves what he does,
38:33but, yeah, maybe not quite me.
38:37What do you look for in a woman?
38:39I think, um...
38:40A good grip that's soft on the shaft.
38:42Chemistry.
38:45And...
38:46And passion.
38:47Bingo, that's more like it, Neil.
38:49How about yourself?
38:50Yeah, I suppose just a reciprocal...
38:54enjoyment of each other,
38:55a good fan tarp, yeah.
38:57Oh, I think we've got that.
38:58We've got that.
38:58I think we've definitely...
38:59Early days.
39:00Early days.
39:02No, I'm enjoying you immensely.
39:03Did you want to try and eat ceviche in?
39:05Yeah, let's go that.
39:06Oh, sharing food, nice.
39:08I might have to get a bit closer.
39:10OK.
39:11Oh, bit of body language.
39:12Go on, Neil.
39:13So, what, do you want me to feed you?
39:14Yes, please.
39:15OK.
39:16Much better, yes.
39:17It's like they've both just remembered how to flirt.
39:21That's good.
39:23Nice.
39:24I'm enjoying being quite close to Neil.
39:27This is a bit more me.
39:28This is good, feeling the energy
39:30and just being in this little container.
39:32I can get my flirt on now.
39:34How did you go with your share of that drink?
39:36Yeah, that went down very well.
39:38You didn't lick all the sides?
39:40No.
39:41Can I?
39:42Go for it.
39:42All right, I just really want to lick your bars.
39:46Wow, who had first date rimming on their bingo card?
39:50I was all in on the Gabby date for that one.
39:52Give me, give me, give me more.
39:54Back at the agency, people pleaser Colleen is looking to rediscover her dating mojo
39:59with the help of Paul and that right bitch, Anna.
40:02Her words, not mine.
40:03If you were to break down the areas that you believe we can most help you,
40:07what would those areas be?
40:08I think me, mainly.
40:10I think I'm the problem.
40:15I don't know why.
40:16I've kind of been through a lot relationship-wise.
40:19You know, I've had two marriages and I've had relationships since then.
40:21And I think I want something and then I get it.
40:24And then I think, oh, and I almost back away from it and think, no, I don't want it.
40:28I don't want that.
40:30So in the last few months, I've kind of sat there and thought, I don't know what I want, really.
40:35That's very honest.
40:35Very honest.
40:36And also for me, going out feels like work.
40:39The last couple of years, all my kids have moved.
40:41So you go through the empty nest and for a while it was bliss.
40:44I'm not going to lie.
40:45I thought, wow, you know.
40:47And now they're all very settled and they've all got kids and, you know, I see them every day, really.
40:52But then they all go home, you know.
40:54And I think I said at the dinner party, this was my first Christmas putting decorations up on my own
40:58to the point where I hated it.
41:00I didn't even feel Christmassy.
41:02And then it hit me where I thought, I don't know if I'm ready to just be on my own.
41:09I really appreciate and commend Colleen's honesty.
41:12She is really brave to share this with us.
41:15Empty nest syndrome is actually really common and I reckon there are a lot of people who can relate to
41:21this.
41:21Going back to the dinner party, it's interesting.
41:25There was one word that you said that stood out above all of the other words that every other celebrity
41:29said.
41:30And that is when you were talking about the Christmas tree and you called it pathetic that you were doing
41:36it.
41:38And there was a lot of hurt behind that word that you would call yourself that
41:43in a moment that for many would be beautiful, but you thought that was pathetic.
41:49That was me feeling lonely on my own.
41:51That was, yeah, it was sad to hear.
41:53Yeah.
41:54And what I realized, and today really cemented it, is that you do what many people do and that is
42:02you negative self-talk.
42:04You place contempt upon yourself, which is disrespect.
42:11It saddens me.
42:13You're a beautiful, beautiful woman and you're so down on yourself.
42:17Until that changes, it's going to be really difficult to find you someone deserving of everything that you have.
42:25Because to Paul's point, we need to discover all of that and help you stand on that, stand on your
42:31own pedestal.
42:32And instead of feeling pathetic putting up a Christmas tree, feeling goddamn titty tassels swinging on the flipping Christmas tree
42:39fairy going,
42:40I'm a boss bitch, Colleen Nolan.
42:42That's where we need to get you to.
42:44Nice to know I'm not the only one who wears titty tassels when I put the Christmas tree up.
42:48So goddamn pleased that you've come to us.
42:50Colleen, you've got a bloody amazing future ahead of you, if you choose to believe it.
42:55Yeah.
42:55Thank you so much for coming in.
42:58And most importantly, thank you for calling Anna a bitch.
43:01Oh, absolutely.
43:02Yeah, thank you.
43:03That's the most important.
43:04Colleen, can I just say, if there's anybody who I would love to be their bitch, it's you.
43:08Honestly.
43:09So you can be my bitch.
43:11I'm Colleen.
43:12I'm Colleen Nolan's bitch.
43:13I'm going to channel her all the way through this.
43:15See?
43:16Now, that is an honour.
43:17Well, Colleen, we've loved this session.
43:20I have too.
43:21Thank you so much.
43:22Bring it in.
43:25Bye-bye.
43:28I think she's a lovely lady.
43:30Oh my goodness.
43:31I think there's a lot we can do with her.
43:32We're blessed to have her here.
43:33This is going to be one hell of a journey that she goes on.
43:37It's going to be one hell of a journey home now.
43:39She's packing up the people pleasing.
43:41Hi Colleen, can I get a selfie?
43:42Fuck off.
43:48Two people who seem a lot more pleased by one another than they did at the start of their
43:52day are Rimlicka Lucinda and her bit of Sherbert Neal.
43:56Good hanging out with you.
43:57It's been a pleasure.
43:59The British fellas are so lovely.
44:02Good.
44:02Your mummers have raised you well.
44:04Oh, thank you so much.
44:05I really appreciate that.
44:06Hello, we're at the comfortable silence talk with your eyes stage.
44:10It's a far cry from the talking shite, trying to fill the gap stage we had earlier.
44:14Oh, I like beach huts.
44:16Grow up.
44:17All right.
44:18We're out of here.
44:20Wasn't Neil lovely?
44:22Like, I can't fault him as a human.
44:24He was so lovely.
44:26But I think I need a little bit more challenge and banter.
44:30Probably need a bit more ba-boom-boom, you know.
44:34Not sure I do.
44:36But never mind, it was a valiant effort, Neil.
44:39You are beautiful.
44:40Oh, thank you.
44:42It's so sweet.
44:43Do you mind I have to kiss you?
44:44Whoa, hang about.
44:46Go on, Neil.
44:48Look at that.
44:49Come now, do the steps for me.
44:52All in one.
44:54Give me love, give me love, give me love, baby.
45:00That was great.
45:01I really enjoyed that.
45:02She's very open.
45:03She's intelligent.
45:04And a kiss as well.
45:06Woo!
45:07Neil, you dark horse.
45:08Where the fuck did that come from?
45:10I've been sorry for poor Neil.
45:12Because I taste so much like ceviche and margarita.
45:16That I can only taste myself.
45:18And I don't think that's prime condition for kissing.
45:23I just went to the bathroom and just exploded.
45:26We've all been there.
45:27Just laughing at my life.
45:29Ridiculous.
45:30But thoroughly entertaining.
45:32Now you're done.
45:33Because you're not the only one who needs to explode in the toilet.
45:36Still an instant cough in the arse, he's screaming.
45:38See ya.
45:39Tomorrow night.
45:41Hello!
45:43There's emotion.
45:44It's kind of embarrassing.
45:46What's embarrassing?
45:49Interrogation.
45:50Was there an affair?
45:53Impersonation.
45:54It's been bloody lovely to be here with you today.
45:58Urination.
45:58There was literally a dog doing a wee upper tree behind you, sorry.
46:01Urm, yeah.
46:03And integration.
46:04At the first mixer of the series.
46:06You've got the gays here, yeah?
46:08You've got the gays here.
46:08Okay, sorry everyone.
46:10As our celebs.
46:11Where do we even start?
46:12Go!
46:13I can flex my chest.
46:15I need to lie down now.
46:16Dating.
46:17This is hell.
46:19You're welcome Gabby.
46:20You're welcome Gabby.
46:50I can flex your chest.
46:50He's got the gays.
46:50I'm just dragging the gays here.
46:51It makes it happen to happen then and it doesn't improve the brouke
46:51turning off the chest?45us
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