- 12 minutes ago
Rivals Season 1 Episode 5 Engsub
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00:03Fancy a bite, Rupert?
00:05Oh, that's wrong.
00:08Mr. Campbell Black,
00:10may I interest you in something?
00:13Yes, you can.
00:17I was coming to find you.
00:19It was me thinking you were going to grandmother's house.
00:22My grandmother lives in Ireland.
00:25Um, I had some leftovers from a job I did.
00:28It's a spare jam roly-poly.
00:29Can I interest you in a bite?
00:31A bit of it.
00:34I'll have one.
00:35Hi, Baz. I made it with rhubarb.
00:38Yeah.
00:43Oh, my God.
00:45You're such excellent. You not having any?
00:48No, I'm fine.
00:49Shall we head back?
00:52Okay, then.
00:54Bye, darling.
00:55Bye. Delicious.
00:58Well, someone's got a huge schoolgirl crush.
01:00Don't be ridiculous.
01:02She's just being thoughtful.
01:03I was talking about you.
01:06Roly-poly.
01:07You lucky bugger.
01:08Not lucky at all.
01:10I promised Declan I wouldn't go anywhere near her.
01:13Well, I'm glad to see you kept your promise.
01:16No!
01:28Ah!
01:29Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha..
01:31Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
01:41Oh, oh, oh.
02:11And now, our TV pick of the week.
02:14Declan O'Hara has been dominating the front pages,
02:17pictured visiting 10 Downing Street with Minister for Sport Rupert Campbell Black.
02:22This week, Mrs Thatcher returns the invitation,
02:24putting herself in the hot seat for a good O'Hara grilling.
02:28As Declan's star rises even higher at Carinium than it did at the BBC,
02:33we're asking ourselves, is this the most powerful man in television?
02:36And I'll measure nothing ever lasts forever.
02:43Everybody wants to move.
02:54Mr O'Hara.
02:56Sarah, Enid Spink, big fan.
03:00I'll be watching Thursday.
03:02Give that milk snatcher a run for her money.
03:04I won't let her off easily.
03:06You have my word.
03:07Dame Enid, can I take you through to Studio Two?
03:10They can't keep Mr Verica waiting.
03:16Now, James, we have a real treat today, don't we?
03:19Yes, Sarah, one of England's leading contemporary composers,
03:22and she is a Rutger resident.
03:25So, let's have a warm Cotswolds Roundup welcome
03:28for our special guest, Dame Edna Spink.
03:48Well, now, that was quite an entrance, Dame Edna.
03:50May I call you Edna?
03:52As long as you're not going to ask me to put on a lilac wig
03:54and stuff my brow with Luro.
03:58Apologies, Dame Enid.
04:00You really are a dumb blonde, aren't you, dear?
04:04Well, thank you very much.
04:10So, judge's desk here.
04:12Smashing view of the girls in their swimwear.
04:14Beauty contest.
04:15You are not the only show I'm producing.
04:18Miss Carinium is exactly what the IBA wants to see us join.
04:21Good, regional, wholesome fun.
04:24It was Daisy's brainchild.
04:25Daisy has a brain.
04:27Who knew?
04:30I'm Declan.
04:31Yeah?
04:32Did you get me an autograph?
04:35Mrs Thatcher?
04:37I'm so sorry, Daisy.
04:39I completely forgot.
04:40I'll get her when she comes in, okay?
04:41Okay, so, how was the meeting?
04:42You and Rupert look pretty cosy in those photos.
04:45Was Thatcher friendly?
04:46Oh, define friendly.
04:47Two boxers circling each other before the big fight.
05:03Thatcher, she's in my Wembley stadium.
05:07Do you think I should save Northern Ireland for part two after the Sunday shopping bill?
05:12Oh, this matters a lot to you.
05:14I have wanted to interview her ever since she handbagged away into number 10, but the BBC would never let
05:21me at her.
05:22Show everyone who she really is.
05:23Whatever she's doing, people want more of it.
05:26She is selling the state off to the highest bidder.
05:29No, she has turned this country into a land of haves and have-nots, Cameron.
05:33And you're one of the haves?
05:35Yeah, well, I mean, I wasn't always.
05:38Declan, sorry to just say, Lord B wants you in his office right now.
05:42Pardon me, Joyce.
05:43A friend at Westminster slipped me something.
05:46You're not going to believe it.
05:47It's a draft of a white paper.
05:51This is embargo, right?
05:53Declan.
05:53Yeah, sorry, Joyce.
05:55Tell Tony I'll catch up with them later.
05:57All right.
06:01A local authority shall not promote the teaching in any maintained school of the acceptability of homosexuality as a pretended
06:10family relationship.
06:11I mean, it's inhumane.
06:13This is going to make gay people's lives harder than they already are.
06:16Having a tea party?
06:18Inside track and a new government policy.
06:20Fascinating reading.
06:22What do you need?
06:23The PM's office has faxed a list of questions they want you to ask.
06:33How do you manage to balance motherhood and your demanding job?
06:38Do you miss Wilberforce the cat now that he's retired?
06:42Is this a joke?
06:43Well, if you don't agree, she won't do the interview.
06:45Just tell them we agree and then when I get her on the show, I can ask me own questions.
06:49You don't care that screwing the government might risk the franchise?
06:51I care that conceding to this shite risks my reputation.
06:57Our reputation.
06:58Tony, he's right.
06:59Once we're live, she can hardly walk off set, can she?
07:02You promised me editorial freedom, Tony.
07:06I'll ask what I want.
07:07This is my interview.
07:08This is my company.
07:09And I don't ask questions about fucking cats.
07:28Get James Verical up here now.
07:39Tony, it said Edna on the cue cards.
07:42If anyone's head needs to roll here, it's Deidre's.
07:44Sit down.
08:03Nothing's gonna stop us.
08:06Nothing's gonna stop us.
08:15No hard feelings.
08:20The hard that I want to do is hold you forever, never and ever.
08:34The Prime Minister.
08:35Declan is yesterday's news.
08:37I feel honoured sharing that sofa with you.
08:39Well, after my Thatcher interview, there is a very good chance you'll be on that sofa alone.
08:43I won't be able to film a tea time show when I've got the prime time slot.
08:49Would you think I'm good enough to fly solo?
08:52Paul never even watches our show.
08:54Does, um, does Lizzie?
08:56Oh, Lizzie, no, she's always too busy writing.
08:59I don't know why she bothers.
09:00Just get rejected like the last one.
09:03Well, if I were your wife, I wouldn't be able to take my eyes off you for a second.
09:10Oh.
09:17What the fuck are you playing at?
09:20No one wants to see Verica interview the Prime Minister?
09:23Better than watching you interview an empty chair.
09:25Not to get your friend Rupert back when I'm a loving.
09:28Oh, okay.
09:30This is because I didn't eviscerate Rupert for you like you wanted.
09:33No.
09:33It's because you won't do what you're bloody well told.
09:37I bring 20 million viewers to your station each week.
09:42If you don't like the way I work, then I quit.
09:45You might own Carinium, Tony.
09:48But you don't own me.
09:52Hmm.
09:53As it happens, I sort of do.
09:56Firstly, there's that tax bit I clipped for you.
09:59Secondly, well, I was warned you were hard to control.
10:03Luckily, I got a little insurance policy.
10:14Patrick's godfather, I gather, got rather close to Maud last year, didn't he?
10:19Your wife certainly likes a man with a moustache.
10:25You've no idea.
10:29Maud and I don't have secrets.
10:30All right.
10:33But I wonder how happy young Taggy's gonna be when she sees her mother's naked arse across the centerfold of
10:38the Scorpion.
10:48Be sure to cancel any plans you have for Friday night.
10:51Your 20 million viewers will be watching you judge a cutie contest.
11:22You're home early.
11:24I've taken the week off.
11:26I can finally fix the roof.
11:28And mowed the lawn.
11:31So what about Mrs. Thatcher?
11:33Tony's given up to Verica.
11:34Why?
11:35What did you do?
11:36I didn't do anything.
11:37Well, I'm surprised you didn't resign on the spot, then.
11:39I would have.
11:40But as it turns out, I couldn't.
11:47What does that mean?
11:49What do you mean with...
11:52Oh, God.
12:01Prime Minister.
12:03Yes, Mr. Verica.
12:04How is it you manage to be the perfect woman, balancing motherhood in our country with such effortless grace?
12:12Well, any woman who understands the problems of running a home will be nearer to understanding the difficulties of running
12:24a country.
12:25And next, the one about her relationship with Reagan.
12:27No, I'd go for something more personal.
12:29While you have her in a soft mood.
12:31You might be right.
12:33This is fun, isn't it?
12:35Like our days on the Bristol Post, when we used to practice together.
12:39Got another one.
12:39Ready?
12:40Yes.
12:40Okay.
12:44How do the men in your cabinet respond to your authority, Prime Minister?
12:48Well, Mr. Verica.
12:50Or can I call you James?
12:53The way I see it, being powerful, is like being a lady.
13:00If you have to tell people you are, then you aren't.
13:06What are you doing?
13:10Just try and have a bit of fun.
13:12Please don't.
13:13Okay.
13:13You're not 26 anymore.
13:15No.
13:18Um...
13:18Right.
13:21Right.
13:22Letty now riding on to lap 4 and 2.
13:24It's the 8.36 to the belt of the Pallington.
13:32Letty.
13:33Letty's nipples hardened with desire as Ferdy led her through the kitchen.
13:36And in the darkness of the scullery, he lifted her red caffeta skirt.
13:40His fingers sought out the ladder in her tights.
13:44I love a ladder, Ferdy whispered gruffly.
13:48Stairway to heaven and all that.
13:51Letty gasped urgently as he lingered on the soft, fleshy openings in the nylon.
13:57Step-by-step, he climbed his way up her inner thigh until he could feel the biblical heat of her
14:06burning bush.
14:08You're a genius.
14:10It's going to be a smash hit.
14:15Darling, we both know this isn't Jane's.
14:20You simply have to be playing away.
14:22Oh, I've been far too busy writing, Carol.
14:25You know what they say, keep the drama on the page.
14:28Never heard such nonsense.
14:30Now tell me this man of yours, our hero, is simply too good not to be true.
14:47Freddie James, what are you doing here?
14:50Long, hard day at the coalface.
14:52I saw you running down the platform.
14:54Oh, lunch round on.
14:55I was plied with champagne and completely lost track of time.
14:59Gentleman buying you champagne, no less than you deserve.
15:02Today was good.
15:03I was actually celebrating with my agent.
15:05She loved the first three chapters of my book.
15:09Well, why don't we continue the celebration?
15:12In first class.
15:13I only have a second class ticket.
15:14If the conductor comes, I'll pay the difference.
15:18Come on.
15:30I can't imagine how clever you've got to be to write a book.
15:32I don't think I could have done any of it without your incredible equipment.
15:38I mean, your word processor.
15:46Ah.
15:48No.
15:49No, Valerie will kill me.
15:50She's got me on the Scarsdale diet.
15:52I've only had two boiled eggs today.
15:54Well, then you must eat.
15:56Is it fruitcake?
15:57I made it.
15:58Kiss it.
15:59Personally, I find diets have the opposite effect.
16:02They'll just make me fatter.
16:04Oh, well.
16:06Kiss please, ladies and gents.
16:07Have your tickets ready.
16:08Looks like we're not going to get away a bit after all.
16:10No, you don't.
16:11Complete waste of money.
16:12Come on.
16:13We're nearly out of a stop.
16:18Lucky.
16:21A bit of a tight squeeze.
16:22Maybe we should have both been on this Scarsdale diet.
16:28Perhaps I should have just paid.
16:30Absolutely not.
16:32I miss all the fun.
16:36Next stop, Conchester.
16:38We are shortly arriving at Conchester Station.
16:40Excuse me.
16:45Thank you for saving me Ā£2.50.
16:48Thank you for saving me from falling asleep and waking up in Corchester.
16:55My chapters.
16:57Oh, I love them.
16:59Oh, girl.
17:00God.
17:05We're all ready.
17:07Oh.
17:14Oh.
17:36Keep you busy, Charles.
17:37Good morning, Tony.
17:39Morning, girls.
17:48Excited to meet the Iron Lady?
17:52You should be.
17:53She's the only woman I've ever met as a tougher bitch than you.
17:56I hope you're not still sulking.
17:58The country wants to see the actual lock in horns with Declan.
18:01Not that dipshit James Veraker.
18:03This is self-sabotage, Tony.
18:04Call Declan.
18:05He could be here in half an hour.
18:06Forget Declan.
18:07I've got something to cheer you up.
18:10Cuatro hombres agricolas has been nominated for an award.
18:16Four men went to mow.
18:17You're going to need to brush up on your Spanish if you're going to go to Malaga next month to
18:20collect it.
18:21What, an award?
18:22We're big in Spain, apparently.
18:25Let's say we go together.
18:28Stay in a hotel, walk the red carpet.
18:31Just the two of us.
18:37Now I'm forgiven.
18:41Call Declan.
18:42No.
19:01All right, everyone.
19:02Two blue Tory smiles, please.
19:05Where's the photographer?
19:07Come on, come on.
19:08Up front.
19:09Right there.
19:10Grab the shot as soon as she steps out of the car, yes?
19:12Nice big one for the office wall.
19:18Is that?
19:18She's cute, right?
19:19Yes, she's cute.
19:20She's cute, she's cute.
19:21That's all right.
19:27This is...
19:28Come on, you lot.
19:28We're making history here.
19:30Come on, imagine it's George Riker.
19:37Mrs. Thatcher, welcome to the room.
19:42And now for a very special episode of Declan featuring none other than our Prime Minister, Mrs. Thatcher.
19:50Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage tonight's guest presenter, James Berringard.
19:59Stop it, you're too kind.
20:01I know what you're thinking.
20:02When did Declan become so handsome?
20:08I've got some ingredients for bolognese.
20:10Thought it might tempt Daddy out of his study.
20:12He's watching the interview.
20:17Mummy, you should have stopped him.
20:18Long time since I've had any influence.
20:21Don't cook for me.
20:23Not hungry.
20:47I can't bear it any longer.
20:49Sarah, I need to see you.
20:59What's wrong with your father?
21:01They're saying he's ill.
21:04Where is he?
21:05Declan!
21:07Declan!
21:19People are saying you're ill.
21:21You don't look ill, just paralytic.
21:23Fuck off, Rupert.
21:25The PM knew you'd never show her caring side, so she dodged the fight.
21:29She knows what she's doing.
21:30And now, thanks to James Berringard, we all know a Dennis Guffer's birthday.
21:35And that she swapped recipes with Nancy Reagan.
21:38Tony should have let me have a room for her.
21:40God, give us that.
21:41No, no, no, no.
21:42Stop it.
21:43Stop it.
21:45Come on.
21:46Come on, up you again, big boy.
21:51Sorry, Ty.
22:00He'll have one hell of a hangover in the morning.
22:03He has one every morning now.
22:07Mommy's given up, so it's all me and...
22:11I don't know how men work.
22:13It's people.
22:15I don't understand them.
22:17And I help them.
22:21Could you...
22:22Yeah.
22:23I'll be here first thing.
22:25We'll bring him round, don't worry.
22:30Your supper's gone cold.
22:33I can heat it up.
22:34There's more if you want to stay.
22:40See you in the morning.
22:52Fertie's hands roamed over Letty's back and hips,
22:55gripping her tightly as he drove her to the edge of pleasure.
22:58Finally, with a cry of release, they both came together,
23:02their bodies convulsing with the force of their shared orgasm.
23:05Freddie!
23:06Good morning.
23:07Well, today and every day, this week, we're going to be in the studio.
23:10Fred, Fred!
23:10And I'm going to give you...
23:12Fred, Fred!
23:13Shit!
23:16What on earth is going on?
23:17The Queen Goddess is waiting.
23:21Were you looking at pornography?
23:22I swear in my life I was not.
23:24It's you.
23:25You look sexy in that.
23:26Honestly, Frederick, time and a place.
23:29And now we've missed our chance to go for the burn.
24:04You look like Superman.
24:10You look like Superman, running after the train.
24:18I'm sorry.
24:19I, er...
24:22I wondered if you might agree to come to lunch with me.
24:25I mean, not now.
24:28Not in my dressing gown.
24:30Yeah.
24:32I was thinking maybe the black horse in Bisley.
24:35You know, it's very, er...
24:37Discreet.
24:38Exactly.
24:42I can't tell you how many times in the last few weeks I've hoped you'd ask me a question like
24:47this.
24:49Now you're here.
24:54I realise that I can't.
24:56I'm so sorry, Freddy.
25:01I'm married.
25:05Thank you, though, for asking.
25:10And for the manuscript.
25:13I hope you don't mind.
25:15I read your chapters.
25:16Go.
25:20They were brilliant.
25:24And sexy.
25:27Like you.
25:47Mummy, where are you?
25:50Mummy!
25:55Coming.
26:07There she is.
26:08Taggy!
26:09Oh, look, oh, Caitlin.
26:10Have you been expelled?
26:11I've got an ex here.
26:13Mr. Mummy and Daddy forgetting about me.
26:15It's not you, Tag.
26:16Called her hitchhiking from Clodchester Station.
26:18I'm so sorry.
26:19You're okay?
26:20Your father where I left him?
26:22Yeah.
26:23Taking him out.
26:26Declan, I'm going to lunch.
26:28Then I want your opinion on a horse.
26:31Is Mummy still in bed, too?
26:33No, she left before I got up.
26:59It's not like you to be around me.
27:02I've missed you.
27:07Oh, it's very tempting.
27:09But I actually have something else in mind.
27:21Henry Hampshire spotted him the other day.
27:25Alan doesn't realize how good his bloodline is.
27:27His grandson was a marvel.
27:30Look how long the legs are.
27:32Is that what you look for?
27:34This age one, I'm still a bit gangly.
27:37Awkward.
27:37A bit of an ugly gelding, but you can see the swan he'll grow into.
27:42Sometimes you can just tell by the eyes.
27:48Well, to be said for a pair of kind, honest eyes.
27:54What's his name?
27:56Mmm, Ventura?
27:57Hmm.
28:00Yeah.
28:00So, Alan?
28:02Oh, take him off your hands, see what I can do with him.
28:04Should we say two and a half?
28:05Sorry, Mr. Campbell Blatt.
28:07I've just had an offer I can't afford to refuse.
28:09What the fuck?
28:11Freddy!
28:11Sorry, Root.
28:12Didn't know it was you.
28:14Hampshire tipped me off.
28:15He was going on the low side.
28:16I don't like doing things on the cheap, so I've offered him five grand.
28:19What?
28:20I've always wanted erasals.
28:22Ha, ha, ha, ha.
28:25Unless you fancy a syndicate.
28:30Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
28:32That Valerie was fuming.
28:35You know she thinks you're a very bad man.
28:38Oh.
28:38Is she a good judge of character?
28:40She's had practice.
28:41She's been judging my character since we were 15.
28:43Fifteen?
28:44Yeah, she's a good girl.
28:45She's stuck by me for a thick and thin.
28:47You know what?
28:48I've never even had another girlfriend.
28:52Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha.
28:56Still, do you two lads make an odd couple?
29:00How did you become so friendly?
29:02Well, we met just after I moved down here and then we got chatting after a few months.
29:06And it turns out we're allergic to the same thing.
29:10Bullshit.
29:12Bullshit.
29:12Baddingham.
29:13Let's not waste time on that bastard.
29:16Let's drink to the horse that brought us together today.
29:20Uh, Ventura.
29:22Ventura.
29:39I've got it from Littlewoods.
29:45I didn't know you were a contestant.
29:47Good, everyone.
29:47Ready for the final rehearsal?
29:50Cameron.
29:51Cameron.
29:51Reverend Penny's car hasn't arrived and Rotshire cabs can't get to him for at least an hour.
29:56What?
29:57Penny is our most important judge.
29:58We need him here now.
29:59I could get him.
30:02I had a car.
30:03Take mine.
30:05Hi.
30:06Hello.
30:06Hi, everyone.
30:07Hello.
30:08Hello, ladies.
30:10Looking forward to getting to know you all.
30:11Can I show you my special talent?
30:13Uh, quite.
30:14I loved your interview with Mrs. Satcher.
30:17So caring.
30:18Thank you so much, Miss, um, Bisley.
30:26Introductions, introduce the judges, Wesley.
30:28Emerson, Wesley.
30:30Emerson, Reverend.
30:31Penny.
30:32Penny, penny, penny.
30:33Penny for your thoughts.
30:34Spend a penny.
30:36Penny, penny, penny, penny.
30:37Good Lord, Sarah.
30:38Bloody hell.
30:39I'm so thrilled to be one of the final six contestants.
30:42Do you think there's a chance I might take home crown tonight?
30:51Well, Miss Cotterster, that depends on your special talent.
30:59That's not true.
31:01No.
31:03No.
31:04Oh, Miss Cotter.
31:04Oh, oh, oh, oh.
31:05No, Miss Cotter.
31:06Yes.
31:06Oh, yes.
31:07Oh, yes.
31:09Don't leave me this way.
31:12Oh, no.
31:13Don't understand.
31:15I'm at your command.
31:18Oh, baby, please.
31:20Oh, don't leave me this way.
31:24Oh, baby.
31:28What can I do?
31:29I can't leave.
31:30Leave him.
31:31He's not worth it.
31:32If I didn't have a truly gargantuan mortgage, I would tell him where to stick his beauty contest.
31:41Yes.
31:42Jesus, what time is it?
31:44It's just gone five.
31:46I'm supposed to be judging Miss Carenium.
31:59that field uh just just up ahead there pull in there child i promised my producer i'd be as
32:06quick as possible just here just here there's a beautiful view you should see great let's go
32:14straight away again from the top please girls cue playback and five six seven eight
32:28so it's very lovely but we're already late um we should go what did you say her name whilst here
32:35daisy sir daisy
32:51andy hopkins thought that spring was rejoicing in life's juices what do you think
33:11please stop
33:41whose idea was the big number
33:45daisy's it's not half bad well done daisy
33:52come on girl we're late
34:06i mean that golden duck at the oval oh how'd i get that in history oh you're too kind
34:13of a chance to make me same color as james berger welcome to the cotswolds uh sandra a little bit
34:18of
34:18translucent powder is probably best cameron cook control of programs started from the yanks most
34:25talented woman i've ever met and all doubted make sure wesley gets star treatment he is one of my
34:29all-time cricketing heroes ah reverend so glad you made it trust my staff have taken good care of you
34:37oh indeed they have tony and uh from what i've seen so far the franchise is safe
34:42oh so pleased to have your support focus now i've got to get a show on the road drinks on
34:46me afterwards yes
34:47oh good
34:51what a nice act is
34:58okay come on come on
35:09who did this to you you have to tell me who it was silence only protects the monster
35:16who did this i promise you i will make them pay
35:25if you don't report him dear what about all the other innocent girls he might pray on next
35:36i offered to drive to help with your bid
35:41please don't be cross with me you've done nothing wrong no one's going to be angry with you
35:57it was reverend penny
36:13so you need to lead him on
36:20you're such a friendly girl
36:25no i
36:28i was really professional
36:48you
36:48you know reverend penny's very important to us don't you
36:55i know you're a team player
36:59valued member of the carinium family
37:03so
37:06let's forget this whole thing ever happen don't you think
37:15that's a good girl
37:17you're going to go far here
37:19i'm sure miss madden
37:20help
37:22tell yourself up
37:24good girl
37:29sorry it's a wardrobe ad
37:34all this talk of equal rights
37:37nothing really changes
37:40one rule for them one for us
37:44did i spoil everything for the bed
37:47not at all
37:50he'll get off scot-free
37:52he won't think he's done nothing wrong
37:59this terrible thing which has happened to you
38:02is your secret
38:05it's also your weapon
38:07use it to get what you want from them
38:10do you hear me
38:11don't be sad
38:13be angry
38:15you'll serve you better dear
38:25oh hello
38:26just a few sips
38:27you can lead a horse to water
38:28declin
38:33daisy
38:34nice dress
38:38daisy
38:39daisy what's wrong
38:41what's happening
38:43daisy
38:44daisy wait
38:49from the welsh borders to the dreaming spires of oxford
38:53from southampton to strafford upon haven
38:55live from protestor
38:57this is miss corinia
39:00and here are your hosts
39:01james and sarah stratton
39:05all right here we go
39:07showtime
39:09caitlin it's starting
39:10good evening
39:11good evening
39:12thank you
39:17the girls waiting backstage this evening are gems are they not
39:21they certainly are james i know
39:22minutes you have to enjoy
39:24especially being a bit of a sparkler myself
39:27stand by audience cutaways on three
39:29you're an absolute bobby dazzler
39:31your husband is a very lucky man
39:34sarah's looking sensational
39:36or mine of course
39:38only because she's already been everyone else's
39:41but she will also win a screen test to become our new
39:45tea time weather girl
39:47standby judge has got toys on too
39:49before we meet our contestants let's meet our judging panel
39:52first up it's demon bowler and local cricketing hero
39:54wesley emerson
40:00and then of course there's corinium's very own declan o'hara
40:08back in the saddle today after his brief indisposition earlier in the week
40:12and here to ensure we're all behaving ourselves
40:14ex-prepandry from the church of england reverend fergus penny
40:23please give a big round of applause for our judging panel
40:33miss chipping sodbury is 21 years old she's training to be a driving instructor
40:38but in her spare time enjoys breeding miniature poodles
40:42oh to be a creature in this chipping sodbury's care
40:45last friday we danced against rugbra and one lot of boys took some fifth formers
40:48up in the garage roof and they were smoking and drinking
40:51and telling the teachers to fuck off
40:54oh and the gym mistress found three condoms in the rhododendrons
40:57she's now focusing on planning upcoming wedding
41:02but rub it's nicer hey shut up
41:07three three hold the two short four take the close-ups
41:12it's coming really well
41:30is
41:31Isn't she good?
41:32I am not.
41:48Miss Wootten Under Edge is a fabulous 5 foot 7 inches tall
41:53and is a full 33, 25, 36.
42:05Now, judges, Miss Wootten stands at an elegant 5 foot 4.
42:10Her measurements are 36, 24, 36.
42:13Some might describe her as perfection itself.
42:26Reverend Penny, are you looking for perfection tonight?
42:28Oh, well, perfection is not my concern.
42:32The qualities that I'm looking for in the inaugural Miss Carinium
42:35consists of a healthy body and sound morals.
42:41You filthy, hypocritical old kiss.
42:50What the fuck is he doing? Cut the feed.
42:53Cut the feed!
42:56Jesus H. Christ, I only left the house for a minute.
42:59What just happened?
43:00Oh, my God, Mummy.
43:04Oh, my God!
43:06Oh, my God!
43:06Oh, my God!
43:07Oh, my God!
43:08Oh, my God!
43:08Oh, my God!
43:09Oh, my God!
43:09Oh, my God!
43:09We'll get what's coming, dear.
43:10Oh, my God!
43:15Digi, answer the phone.
43:16He's ruined everything.
43:18Answer the phone.
43:21Do it!
43:42You let that religious fraud get away with raping one of your employees.
43:48And then you parade all those young girls in front of him like a fucking menu.
43:56I am out of this cesspit for good.
44:00You flouted my authority at every opportunity, but I'm not sure we can let you go just yet.
44:09Don't touch me!
44:11How does it feel, Tony?
44:13Huh?
44:14How does it feel to be weak and helpless?
44:18I'll have you locked up for GBH.
44:19I'll be freer inside than ever will be working for you.
44:26Fuck you.
44:28I quit.
44:32Oh, it's so melodramatic.
44:33You missed your calling.
44:35Well, enjoy the morning papers.
44:37You should probably let Maud know she's going to be a star again.
45:02Bloody hell.
45:04I'd hate to see what he does with a driver.
45:15Are you okay?
45:19Can I give you a lift somewhere?
45:23You should call the police, Daisy.
45:27Report that sick bastard.
45:32She told you.
45:38And that's why you hit him.
45:42I didn't need your help, Declan.
45:46I'm sorry, Daisy. I just...
45:55Daisy.
45:58Why couldn't you have kept your mouth shut?
46:11Just quit my job.
46:13Get in the car, lads.
46:15Let's get rat-assed.
46:21As I say, Declan O'Hara will be strongly dealt with in the coming days, very publicly too.
46:26Good.
46:28Whilst I don't hold with vengeance, there's no place for violence and vulgarity on our screens.
46:33No, no. You have my word, Fergus.
46:38Deirdre!
46:39Deirdre! Deirdre!
46:40Please make sure the Reverend Penny gets home safely.
46:43Yes, Lord Buddingham.
46:45Order a minicamp, Deirdre.
46:49Bye, Fergus!
46:51Bye, Tony!
46:59I'll get the glaziers in.
47:02I'll have this delivered to B.D. Johnson at the Scorpion from an anonymous source.
47:11Prince Madden!
47:13Joyce!
47:17Has anyone been in my office?
47:18Not to my knowledge.
47:22Fuck!
47:32Is he dead?
47:34He will be when Mummy's done with him.
47:43Hmm?
47:48Oh, fuck.
48:12I don't want to be that woman who's waiting for her husband to come home. It's not me.
48:26I need to go back to work.
48:27Well, that's good because I resigned last night. It'll be easier for you if we go back to London.
48:40I saw Mallory.
48:43I...
48:44I asked him if I could audition for his new show.
48:49I mean, there's nothing in it for me. I'm too old.
48:54I'm sorry, love. You should have told me.
49:01What happened to us?
49:06We...
49:07fix it?
49:21Who the fuck is that?
49:25Oh.
49:34Is Tony trying to hound me into the grave?
49:36He doesn't know I'm here.
49:38I shouldn't have told you about Daisy.
49:40Oh.
49:42I'd probably have hit the old pervert anyway.
49:52Sometimes Lord Baddingham needs a bit of help to steer the right course.
50:07Gertrude!
50:10Gertrude!
50:10Oh, come back!
50:13Gertrude!
50:20You all right?
50:23Can I walk with you?
50:24No, you can't.
50:25I asked for your help and you got him drunk and let him implode on live television.
50:29He's a grown man, Taggy.
50:30But we are in so much debt.
50:31We can't afford the mortgage without Daddy working.
50:34Mummy's already packing.
50:35What are you talking about?
50:38This is the only place I have ever loved.
50:41And now we have to leave.
50:43Is Declan all right?
50:45Now find another job.
50:48Not here.
50:50Gertrude, come on.
50:56You know, I could have told you, you and Declan were never going to work out.
51:00Neither of you could bear not being big dog.
51:03So I'm my big dog now.
51:04You're the last dog standing.
51:07So what do we do now?
51:10We have to put something out there.
51:13Oh, not an apology.
51:14Oh, God, no.
51:16He's the one who threw out the punches.
51:18It's not your fault.
51:19He can't handle provocation.
51:23And of course, he's also the one with the drinking problem.
51:32Very good.
51:37Declan O'Hara tendered his resignation last night and we regretfully accepted.
51:42We have every concern for the well-being of all our staff.
51:47But Carinium Television cannot tolerate violence, particularly towards a vulnerable and senior guest in our building.
51:55We send Declan our best wishes and support as he seeks help for his outgoing...
52:00Turn it off.
52:05Where is he?
52:20No, it's so grim, Frederico and I have a brilliant new plan.
52:24No offence, but I'll give it a miss.
52:26One afternoon with you lads nearly finished me off.
52:28Yeah, we're going back to London.
52:30Sorry, Maud.
52:30We can't let you.
52:31It's business.
52:32Can't let a hot property go to waste.
52:33We're starting a production company and you're gonna run it.
52:37Partnership.
52:39We're gonna work together.
52:40It'll be fun.
52:41We'll trust you on the creative stuff.
52:44Sorry lads, but I can't.
52:45Why not?
52:47You'll be your own master, but you want it.
52:51Because I think we should pitch for the franchise.
52:56But that'd mean the mother of all take-overs.
53:01Drive Tony Battingham out of town once and for all.
53:05I think we've got it in us.
53:07Don't you?
53:08We'll kill egg onion on.
53:19You'll lose the franchise
53:22But we're not.
53:25You're gonna kill.
53:26You're gonna kill.
53:26But we'll be your own master.
53:29You're gonna kill.
53:30Who can I Award?
53:32Captain Glo-Man.
53:33No.
53:35Bye, bye!
54:03You
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