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03:49Oh, God!
04:00Deer Taskmaster...
04:03Your personality is a chandelier filling the room with lights.
04:07Your jokes are an assorted box of chocolate, each filled with delights.
04:12You are my favorite of the whites.
04:24Did you like it?
04:25Yeah, I feel really flattered but I feel like there are a few traps in there for me.
04:29It's hard to be white and proud, if you know what I mean.
04:33Joel, you've been waiting to show us what's in your mouth.
04:36What have you got in your mouth, Joel?
04:40Oh, oh, oh!
04:43Oh, Celia!
04:45Oh! Oh! Celia!
04:48You know what you did!
04:50Celia!
04:55I've had fake blood in there the whole time.
04:58Oh my God.
04:59I thought you had bad acting in there.
05:06I did a year on Neighbours, thank you very much.
05:10So while you were doing all that mime before, you had that ready to go?
05:14Yeah.
05:15OK.
05:15I was very gink.
05:19Alright, well we need some scores here, don't we?
05:21Yes.
05:21I'm going to have to give one point to Brett because it was not safely concealed.
05:24Much like Warwick Capper's cock while he was wearing that.
05:29I'm going to give Celia two.
05:30I knew it. I should have thought this through. You bloody love the Logies.
05:34You love her!
05:35It's because I think it is an institution that is beyond critique.
05:40Alright.
05:41Like, I'd prefer to make fun of the church, you know?
05:43Well, guess what? Someone at the church ****ed me as well.
05:53I'm going to give three points to Joel because I love the entertainment.
05:56I'm not sure it was the best thing.
05:57Oh, what?
06:00Air's better than that, so four points to Rove.
06:02Anissa read out a very beautiful poem, which I...
06:05Yes, Massa!
06:08It was a very beautiful poem.
06:10It was easily the best thing and it made me into a proud white man.
06:17Alright, enough of this half-assed live crap.
06:19Let's watch something people have put a bit more effort into, shall we?
06:23Sure. A big F you to any fans of individualism.
06:25It's our first team task of the season.
06:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
06:41Hey, Tom.
06:42Hey, Lisa.
06:42It's my birthday.
06:44We're really celebrating, if so.
06:52Is that for me?
06:54Not yet.
06:55Do I have to say, please?
06:56I'm pretty sure that was you, Tom.
06:58I'm not sure about that.
06:58Hello.
07:03Careful!
07:03Oh!
07:04I hate balloons!
07:05Oh, my God, Rita!
07:06Whoa!
07:08Anissa, hello!
07:10My friend!
07:11May we hug?
07:12I would love a hug.
07:13Are you wonderful?
07:15Oh, my gosh!
07:15Oh, my gosh!
07:16Oh, my gosh!
07:17Oh, my gosh!
07:19Oh, my gosh!
07:21Oh, my God!
07:23Hello!
07:23We're not supposed to pop them.
07:24Let's just leave this loser and go have some fun with balloons.
07:27Let's have a good time.
07:28Team!
07:28My friends!
07:29I've got friends!
07:30Yes!
07:31I'm not very good at this show.
07:32Oh, my gosh!
07:33I'm so bad at this show.
07:35I'm good.
07:37What?
07:38Okay, am I...
07:39Do you want to read it?
07:40No, I don't want to read it.
07:41I feel like...
07:41Yay.
07:42Pop the golden balloon.
07:44If you do a forbidden thing, you must don a piece of protective clothing from your mannequin.
07:51What does don mean?
07:52Um, like you're the boss of all the mafia.
07:55So we will have to go and commit crimes, chop off a horse's head, put it in a bed.
08:00Are you kidding?
08:01Like, cement shoes, throw someone in a river.
08:03If you do a forbidden thing again, you must do a spin with your hands by your side for
08:08every time you've done that forbidden thing.
08:11Fewest red balloons popped wins.
08:13Your time starts now.
08:15Well, we don't need to panic.
08:16Let's just, I guess, start to look for a golden balloon.
08:20And if we...
08:22You've done a forbidden thing.
08:24Please don an item.
08:30Start off the top though, I noticed that everyone was wearing earbuds except for Brit Blake.
08:35What were you thinking?
08:35Just going to tough it out?
08:36What?
08:39I'm actually deaf in one ear, so I was like, whatever, who cares if they both go down?
08:45Now, Rover, it was good to see you trying to help out the next generation of comedians
08:48by explaining what Don was by talking about The Godfather, a film from the early 70s.
08:54So, Anissa, have you seen The Godfather?
08:57Oh, no.
08:58No.
08:59So you didn't know what he was talking about?
09:00I had no idea, but I'm trying to make friends, so I was like, okay, that's nice.
09:04But also, it's not...
09:07Alright, well, I think we need some team names.
09:09Oh, okay.
09:09I'm feeling inspired by commercial radio.
09:11I thought Rove, you and Anissa could be called The Breakfast Show, because often, like,
09:14in commercial radio, they get someone very high profile and an unknown.
09:17So I feel like the other three, when they do a drive show, they get three people who
09:22would clearly never hang out together.
09:24So you're The Drive Show.
09:26The Breakfast Show and The Drive Show.
09:29Alright, Tom, let's get spiky.
09:31Call it a pop duo because we've got both teams at once.
09:34Okay, what is a forbidden thing?
09:36Dunno, but we need a golden balloon to pop.
09:40Brett has done a forbidden thing.
09:42Please don an item on your mannequin.
09:44Okay, don't let any balloons out.
09:45You have to sneak out.
09:47Celia has done a forbidden thing.
09:49Please don an item on your mannequin.
09:52Joel has done a forbidden thing.
09:54Please don an item on your mannequin.
09:58Anissa has done a forbidden thing.
09:59Oh, you're a dickhead.
10:01There's spikes on this.
10:05What happened?
10:06No!
10:08Bad Tom.
10:09I think Helmut was a smart choice.
10:11Celia has done a forbidden thing.
10:13Wait, we don't get in trouble if we...
10:17Oh, I think he can't point.
10:20I can do the middle and I'll look in this corner.
10:23Why are you thrusting?
10:24I look so smart.
10:26Oh, jeez.
10:27Pop the golden balloon.
10:30Anissa has done a forbidden thing.
10:31I think the B word is a forbidden thing.
10:36This reminds me, I've got to get my hemorrhoids checked.
10:39I feel like it's going to be something very annoying and it's...
10:42Brett has done a forbidden thing.
10:44Please don an additional item from your mannequin.
10:46Do not bend over.
10:47Oh!
10:48How will you know if we pop the...
10:50Sorry.
10:55Brett has done a forbidden thing.
10:58Please don two additional items from your mannequin.
11:00I'm running out of items.
11:02Oh!
11:04I found something.
11:05If you look down here, I have uncovered an arrow pointing towards Tom.
11:10Oh, you turn.
11:12It's a really small thing.
11:13Yeah, it's not...
11:14Brett, what are you doing?
11:15Stop it!
11:17I did the thing.
11:18I didn't want to talk about it.
11:19I got it.
11:21You did it?
11:21Yeah.
11:22I knew you were hiding it, you cheeky.
11:24Brett has not done the thing.
11:26There it is.
11:27Hiding in the corner.
11:29Enjoy this moment.
11:32No.
11:32They set this up.
11:33They have to sit through it.
11:34Almost done.
11:35Here we go.
11:37Woo!
11:38Woo!
11:40Woo!
11:41Woo!
11:42Aye-ya-way-ya!
11:43Thanks, Scott.
11:44You did it!
11:45I did it like ten minutes ago, you idiots!
11:48Oh, my God!
11:50Woo!
11:50On and on!
11:51Miss Victor Bond!
12:02So, just starting with The Drive Show, there were forbidden things.
12:05Did all of you feel like you were keeping track of the forbidden things?
12:08Celia was onto it quite quick with the balloons.
12:10Thank you.
12:11I'm the girl one.
12:14Well...
12:15In The Drive Show world, I'm the girl one.
12:16Yeah, but I...
12:17I'm the diversity hire.
12:19And I'm the fat idiot that does the secret sound.
12:24So, just remind me, what were the forbidden things?
12:26So, our contestants couldn't say the word balloon.
12:28You couldn't point.
12:29They couldn't duck below the balloons.
12:31The final one is that they weren't allowed to touch me, which no one showed any interest
12:35of doing.
12:39So, what are the scores?
12:40How do we score this?
12:41Well, so, it's fewest pops wins.
12:43Yep.
12:43Our team of two had 32 pops.
12:45Our team of three also 32.
12:47It's a tie.
12:49I think they both seemed relatively average.
12:52Okay.
12:52So, I'm going to give them all three.
12:53Okay.
12:5333, 33, 33.
12:54Yep.
12:58What are the scores in the episode so far?
13:00Well, Brett is in last place with four points.
13:02But Anissa's out in front with eight points!
13:07Well, that's it for part one.
13:09Time for a break so I can poke Tom Cashman with thumbtacks and see if he pops.
13:13We'll be back after this.
13:26Welcome back to Taskmaster where we're going to find out which Australian comedian is the
13:31who knows.
13:32I don't know.
13:32It doesn't really matter.
13:33Lesser Tom, you've got a task for us?
13:35He he he.
13:36That I do, mullies.
13:39That I do, mullies.
13:54Little upskirt camera.
13:56Nice.
13:59Can I enter?
14:00Sure thing.
14:01Oh, why have you got swagger?
14:04Working hard or hardly working.
14:07Dude.
14:08Oh, I'm going to have an asthma attack in here.
14:10What?
14:11Why are you dabbing at me?
14:14Yeah, he's here.
14:15Yeah, he's a bit, isn't he?
14:17No, your words not mine, mate.
14:20Did it hurt?
14:20When I fell from heaven?
14:22No.
14:23Yeah.
14:23Keeping it real?
14:25Very nice.
14:29Be cringe.
14:30Oh, you've been cringe before.
14:32Most cringe wins.
14:34You have 25 minutes.
14:36Your time starts now.
14:38What makes me go, ugh?
14:40The Borat stuff is one thing.
14:43Austin Powers stuff?
14:44All of that sort of, do I make you horny?
14:50I think you made that knob horny.
14:51I made that knob horny, baby, yeah!
14:54Public displays of affection.
14:56Oh.
14:56Taking a photo of themselves making out.
14:59I'm going to have to do that, aren't I?
15:00When a man hits on someone that is clearly not interested,
15:03but they just won't stop, that is cringe.
15:06For the sake of this, I need you to be the woman.
15:07I'm a 50-year-old man.
15:09I should dance.
15:10Do you have any children nearby?
15:15I know what the most cringe thing you've ever seen was.
15:18So I'm going to borrow you, and then I'm going to come back,
15:20and it's all going to make sense.
15:22We don't have long, so I need you to hurry up
15:24and send out some invites.
15:26Okay.
15:26Get cracking.
15:27Coming back here.
15:28You can relax.
15:29There's no cars involved.
15:31We can have our panic attacks later.
15:38Um, Lisa Tom, I don't want to see you with swagger ever again.
15:43It did occur to me that I was trying to be cringe
15:45in all those different ways, but the one that I did for Brett,
15:47I just seemed like a normal, confident man.
15:50All right.
15:51Brett, what did you mean by upskirt camera?
15:53What's that about?
15:55I haven't heard of them.
15:56Oh.
15:57Are you more of a shoe mirror guy?
16:02Don't know what that is either.
16:03Don't.
16:04Oh, really?
16:05Now, Rove, I'm also a 50-year-old man,
16:08and I can confirm that Austin Powers is cringe.
16:12Rove did such a strong Austin Powers impression,
16:15he broke the caravan.
16:17It came out way too easily.
16:19Way too easily.
16:20Okay, Lisa Tom, who do we have first?
16:22First up, in their attempt to be very nice at the task,
16:25I refuse to do the voice again,
16:26it's Anissa and Rove.
16:32Woo!
16:33Let's get this party started!
16:34Hey, everybody!
16:35Sorry, I didn't bring any drinks for the bath,
16:37but I just took one anyway.
16:39All right, we having a good time?
16:41Damn!
16:45Damn!
16:48My name's Tom.
16:50I'm Anissa.
16:52Oh, delicious, smells like cocoa butter.
16:55This party be skippity, yeah?
16:57You know what I'm saying.
16:58DJ, turn the music off.
17:00Hey, everyone, I'm Jessica's uncle, Glen.
17:03I'm just here uninvited, but I thought, surprise!
17:06What's a girl like you doing here by yourself?
17:09I'm not by myself, I'm with friends, actually.
17:11Can I be a friend?
17:12Let's get some skippity-toilet action!
17:16Yeah, baby!
17:18That's what my wife would really like.
17:21I'm scared to be vulnerable.
17:23Someone like you, it feels easy to let my guard down as a man.
17:27We've been talking for about 2.5 minutes.
17:29That's what I mean, it's easy.
17:30Can I get your number?
17:32Will it mean that you leave me alone?
17:36No, I don't want the number then.
17:37Okay.
17:38Come on!
17:39Let's get the party started, come on!
17:40Let's get some, get some riz going here!
17:42Woo!
17:46I'm running, but I'm not going anywhere!
17:52Who wants to pick up my legs?
17:53Pick up my legs!
17:54Pick up my legs!
17:54Oh!
17:55My wheelbarrow!
17:56What?!
17:56I'm not leaving here without one dance.
18:00Oh, that's great.
18:01Put me down there.
18:02Oh!
18:02Oh!
18:03Sorry, I just hurt my back.
18:04Bop!
18:05Bop!
18:05Will you marry me?
18:06Marry you?
18:08I'll take care of you.
18:09I'll leave you to it.
18:10I'll leave you to it.
18:11I'm going to go throw up in the garden.
18:13Happy 21st, Jessica!
18:17Oh!
18:18Not very riz.
18:22That was very cringe.
18:24Okay, so, so, Anissa, for you, being cringe was a creepy guy?
18:30Yeah, just a guy who can't take no for an ass.
18:33He just keeps going.
18:34So is this based on personal experience?
18:36Have you had to deal with this?
18:37Yeah, I've had to deal with this.
18:38But I also think I've also been that person.
18:43That actually kind of looks a bit cool, will I?
18:45It looks a bit cool.
18:45I might try that.
18:46It's like dodging all the no vibes.
18:48Yeah.
18:52Okay, now, Rove, I feel like this was really playing into your strengths.
18:59I mean, it was amazing to watch.
19:03I feel like you are the cringe champ.
19:05I had to play to my strengths.
19:07As soon as I opened up, I just went, I got this.
19:08I took my time.
19:09Oh, it was fantastic.
19:10You were just constant entertainment.
19:12That's why I got three gold logies.
19:19Alright, it's time for an ad break.
19:21When we return, we'll have some more comedians being as cringe as possible.
19:25And also the rest of the task.
19:27See you then.
19:39Welcome back to Taskmaster, where our contestants are battling it out in a fight to the reputational death.
19:45Um, actually, your reputation can't die, okay?
19:49Reputation lives on after death.
19:53That's the kind of thing they're trying to do.
19:55Up next, it's Joel and Celia.
19:58I'm going to do an art attack.
19:59This is an art attack.
20:01This is an art attack.
20:02This is an art attack.
20:03An art attack?
20:04No.
20:05Ah, just art attack.
20:06What's the most ick things people call each other?
20:08Partner in crime?
20:09Honey pumpkin.
20:10My forever boo.
20:11Art attack?
20:12It was that show back in, like, the early noughties, late nineties.
20:15And you would do, like, big writings on the ground.
20:20Hang on.
20:21I'm going to change it round.
20:23Ugh.
20:24How the do people do this?
20:25How do they do it?
20:30How good's that?
20:32Did I get it?
20:33Ugh, I hate this.
20:35I hate this so much.
20:38Some people might say the bongos are a bit cringe.
20:41You've got one minute and 49 seconds.
20:42Oh, shit, do I?
20:43Shit, shit, shit.
20:44Go on, get it out!
20:46Oh, it's good hay.
20:48Imagine that from up top.
20:50This is an art attack.
20:51This is an art attack.
20:52This is an art attack.
20:53This is art attack.
20:55Ta-da!
20:56Look, I'm being cringe.
20:58Tom, can you be part of the A?
20:59Okay.
21:00Oh, oh.
21:01Oh, that's the ugliest thing I've ever seen.
21:04I hate it.
21:06Oh, I'm cringing.
21:07Now tell me some of your stand-up.
21:08Um, diarrhea.
21:10Very difficult to spell.
21:11Diarrhea.
21:12Very difficult to spell.
21:13Very easy to push out of your asshole.
21:15Very easy to push out of your asshole.
21:20Gross.
21:21Okay, so it has to be...
21:24Uh-oh.
21:25Out with my forever partner in crime.
21:29Hashtag so in love.
21:30Hashtag blessed.
21:31Hashtag candid.
21:32Hashtag so in love.
21:34Blessed.
21:34Lot of blessed.
21:35Okay.
21:35Blessed, blessed, blessed.
21:36Multiple blessed.
21:37Heart, heart, hearts.
21:37I hated that thoroughly.
21:39But I love love.
21:40Just keep it to yourself.
21:42I'm quenching!
21:44And what do we say?
21:46This is an art attack.
21:47This is an art attack.
21:48This is...
21:49an art attack.
21:51No, it's just art attack.
21:52Oh, okay.
21:53Thanks, Joel.
21:54See ya.
21:54Have fun cleaning up.
22:02So, Celia, what were you going for there?
22:05I hate public displays of affection.
22:07Particularly when people post them online.
22:09Particularly...
22:10This was a specific thing that I remember is for people who post photos of...
22:13Like a selfie of them making out.
22:15A friend of mine once posted a picture of himself on the beach in his Speedos.
22:19And he said,
22:20Missing grandma.
22:21Hashtag one year today.
22:25PDA is pretty cringe worthy.
22:27But like having PDA with a pretend boyfriend.
22:29Is that how you were trying to elevate it?
22:30My choice was mannequin or Tom.
22:32So...
22:33Mannequin.
22:33Eww.
22:34I was right there.
22:36Yeah.
22:37Could have been more cringe.
22:39Everyone at home would have been imagining his prickly little face on their lips.
22:44Imagine explaining to my boyfriend and father of my child that it's not cheating because it was cringe.
22:50You know?
22:51That's...
22:53That's the...
22:53That's the thinking.
22:55Now, Joel, I put it to you that you just wanted to do an art attack.
22:58I really...
22:59I'm not sure it had much to do with cringe.
23:02Well, people tell me I'm cringe all the time no matter what I do.
23:05So, there were so many options, I figured, why not do an art attack?
23:09And use some of Tom's material.
23:14Um...
23:14And what's cringier than leaving it for the crew to clean up after?
23:18I actually felt terrible, but...
23:19So, you just left all the mess there because you thought that would be cringe to have other people clean
23:23up after you.
23:23And with all the other tasks, you helped the crew tidy up.
23:29Um, yeah.
23:32Yeah.
23:33Well, that was...
23:33That was...
23:34That was...
23:34It was good.
23:35It was good.
23:36It was...
23:36Be cringe.
23:37I wrote it out, didn't I?
23:38I know, but you missed an opportunity there.
23:40Because the whole point was to be cringe.
23:43And you even spelt out be and cringe.
23:46Mm-hmm.
23:46And you put yourself in the word be.
23:50You could have literally been cringe, but instead you be'd be.
23:58I'll pay you that one.
23:59Yeah.
24:01Very good point.
24:03All right.
24:04Well, that's...
24:04I'm glad you gave yourself a one.
24:07Oh, come on.
24:08All the crew had to clean up.
24:10Give it for...
24:11Do it for the crew.
24:13I don't give a f*** about the crew.
24:17All right, Cashman.
24:18Uh, put me out of my misery.
24:19The cringiest thing to him is a normal haircut.
24:22It's Brett Blake.
24:27Yeah.
24:27Ready for another one.
24:29Where'd the bloody go?
24:30Do another cast.
24:32Yeah.
24:33Is that what I sound like?
24:35I do whatever the f*** I want.
24:36I want to just spit the camera.
24:40Yo, it's Tom.
24:42Come on in.
24:43The world's most sexiest man.
24:45God, have you been working out?
24:47I think that's what he said.
24:48I don't like this on you.
24:49Why do I sound like I've had helium?
24:51I do not sound like that.
24:53You're up here.
24:53Look, you're pissing me off as me.
24:55And I don't like being angry at myself
24:57because I like to be positive.
24:58I bloody do what I want.
24:59I bloody do what I want.
25:00Yeah, I like this.
25:02Let's go have some fun as Brett.
25:03Come on, dude.
25:04You're going to love this.
25:05I'm not because...
25:06Oh, I'm a boring nerd.
25:09Stick to time.
25:10Kick that over the roof.
25:11That's cool.
25:13Oh, I don't...
25:13That was a good one.
25:15I didn't give a hoot what effect that has on anyone else.
25:17Kick that one over the roof.
25:18Go on.
25:19That seems like it should...
25:21I shouldn't.
25:22Just shut up and kick the ball.
25:24Did you make it?
25:26Yeah, it went high.
25:27Do this one.
25:28Joke is it's really hard.
25:29Oh!
25:31That hurt your foot?
25:33Yeah, got ya.
25:34That was sick.
25:35Congratulations.
25:36Congratulations to you, mate.
25:37You have just won Taskmaster.
25:39Yeah.
25:40I knew it.
25:41Now back to your room, you scallywag.
25:42Oh, good on ya mate!
25:44Good on ya mate!
25:47Woo!
25:48God!
25:49Give that guy a promotion.
25:51Hell yeah.
26:04Well, we're only two episodes in and I can feel a genuine resentment between you two and...
26:09Oh, it gets worse.
26:10Um, so to be cringe was to be Lesser Tom.
26:14Lesser Tom was being the most cringe I've ever seen when he was pretending to be cringe.
26:19So then I thought I would become him, cause that's the most cringe thing.
26:23But then he became me and that pissed me off.
26:25And then I got excited to meet myself and then we just kicked some shit over a house.
26:29It was awesome.
26:30And then I forgot what the task was.
26:32But we had an awesome time, didn't we dude?
26:33It was sick.
26:34So I think, if anything, that's worth at least three points.
26:39Alright, well I should hand out some scores here.
26:41Yep.
26:41I mean, it just felt like such a missed opportunity.
26:44Joel could have literally been cringe, but he was B.
26:47So one point to Joel.
26:49Oh!
26:49Two points to Brett Blake because it was really entertaining and not very cringey at all.
26:53It was just a good old afternoon of fun, of bread on bread action.
26:58Uh, three points to Anissa.
27:00Yep.
27:00I felt quite creeped out by your advances.
27:03Four points for Celia.
27:04Oh!
27:05Oh my gosh!
27:05Cause that was a very cringe photo.
27:07But I feel like, you know, I've seen your Instagram, it just blended in.
27:11Olympic level of cringe.
27:13Skibbity!
27:14Skibbity!
27:15Yeah, bloody nailed it!
27:17Bloody nailed it!
27:18Five points!
27:20Alright, if all that made you want to crawl off into a little hole and die, now would
27:24be the perfect opportunity.
27:26We'll see you after this.
27:38Welcome back to Taskmaster where five comedians are jockeying for Brett Blake's jocks.
27:43Lesser Tom, I believe it might be time to crack open a freshie.
27:47A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
27:50That was said by philosopher Lao Tzu, 1400 years before the pogo stick was invented.
27:54How wrong he was.
28:07Tommy!
28:14Hey!
28:16Hi, Brad.
28:16That was a good one.
28:17Hello!
28:18Hi Celia.
28:19Mmm.
28:20I'm glad you're my real dad.
28:23Me too.
28:23What's happening?
28:25You'll see.
28:26Do you want a banana?
28:27No, thank you.
28:28Okay.
28:28Ooh, Illuminati circle.
28:32May I?
28:32Yes, please.
28:34Is that a beguet?
28:35A what?
28:36A beguet?
28:37No.
28:38Is that what they call them, the French?
28:39Beguet?
28:40Or am I mixing bidet and bread?
28:42I think that's exactly what you're doing.
28:49Choose up to two items, then travel the furthest on them.
28:53My beguet.
28:56That's not what it's called.
28:57Your journey must begin on the mat.
28:59And once any part of you touches ground, it's over.
29:05Once you touch an item, you must use it.
29:07The furthest journey wins.
29:08You have 15 minutes.
29:10Your time starts now.
29:13Right.
29:18So Anissa, just to be clear, it's not beguet, it's baguette.
29:22Yeah.
29:22And it wasn't one, it's sourdough.
29:25I'm the beguet.
29:27I'm.
29:29I said beguet like 30 times and you just looked at me and didn't correct me once.
29:34I corrected you so many times.
29:37So just to be clear, they've got two exercise balls, a bucket, a rubber duck, a roller skate, a pogo
29:42stick, a unicycle and of course a beguet.
29:45But also Joel had all of those things, but he couldn't see the two exercise balls.
29:55All right, who's first up, Lissa Tom?
29:57Which one will go farther?
29:58Well maybe neither of them will call their father.
30:01It's Joel and Celia.
30:01Ah!
30:03Okay.
30:03I'm gonna hurt myself.
30:04Why?
30:05Because it's who I am.
30:07Oh.
30:07Have you met me?
30:08What am I gonna do with a bread roll?
30:10Have a snack?
30:11But maybe that won't work.
30:13Ah!
30:13You've touched the ball.
30:13That touched me!
30:14You must use the ball.
30:15Oh!
30:16That was God's fault!
30:17What's that called?
30:18A wheelie shoe?
30:19What are they called again?
30:20Ice...
30:20No.
30:22Skate...shoes.
30:22Ice skates?
30:23No.
30:23I know.
30:24They're called rollerblades.
30:25I'm going the roller skates, Tom.
30:27Okay.
30:27Oh, it's not my size.
30:29Oh no.
30:30Oh no, it's so small.
30:31Oh no, it doesn't fit.
30:33Why did I pick this?
30:34Your foot fits perfectly.
30:35Right?
30:36How convenient.
30:37I think I'm gonna go the pogo stick.
30:39Oh, those are up here.
30:40Okay.
30:41Oh my god.
30:42This could be a terrible idea.
30:44Hold on.
30:44Oh yeah, no, this is okay.
30:46Oh!
30:47Look how far I've got, Tom.
30:49What could go wrong?
30:51Whoa!
30:55Just a quick break.
30:56Having a rest?
30:57Yeah.
30:57I've got heaps of time.
30:58Don't rush me.
30:59How long have I got?
31:00Eight minutes and 51 seconds.
31:02Oh, I was hoping you'd say like two minutes.
31:03Does this look as graceful as it feels?
31:05How graceful does it feel?
31:07Just checking in.
31:07Not very.
31:08This is a real queer highlight for me.
31:10Maybe I can head back towards the house.
31:12Okay.
31:12I think maybe I should go back to...
31:14Oh!
31:15Ah!
31:16Ah!
31:16Ah!
31:18Ah!
31:19You touched it around.
31:20That wasn't my phone.
31:23Oh, thank god.
31:26How do you feel?
31:28Wrecked.
31:29Alright.
31:30Thanks.
31:30Thanks, Celia.
31:31Thanks, Joel.
31:37So, Celia, I just want to let you know we deliberately weakened that exercise ball.
31:42So that that happened.
31:43I just wanted you to know that.
31:44Was it a lie I thought would make you feel better?
31:48Yeah, cause they're supposed to, like, I've sat on one of those when I was pregnant and I didn't pop
31:51it.
31:52I didn't pop it when I was two people and now I'm popping up when I'm one, I need to
31:54go to the gym.
31:56If you do, don't sit on the exercise ball.
32:00What was your thought process between choosing those two objects?
32:02Well, God chose me with the ball.
32:05It nudged the ball into me and I had no choice because of Stickler McGee over here.
32:10And then, I don't know, I just thought the roller skates seemed like a sort of the closest thing to
32:14a vehicle.
32:14It looked like a foot car.
32:16Right?
32:18So, Joel, why did you zero in on those two objects?
32:21Well, I couldn't see both the exercise balls, obviously, so they were out.
32:25So I put on the foot car, which was way too small for me.
32:29And then, for some reason, I went with a pogo stick.
32:31But I think I covered some distance.
32:33Well, I feel like you went quite a long way, but then you got bored and then you came back.
32:37Yeah, but it's not about that. Wasn't it just about metres?
32:39Well, it's up to you, but I think we should be counting how far you go in total.
32:43Thank you. Thank you. Dressing Room 3. See you after the show.
32:48To pay you! To pay you! I'm not gonna...
32:52Just so you know, in future, when I'm saying things and saying opinions, it's not for sexual favours.
32:59Now you tell us!
33:00I know.
33:01How far did they travel?
33:03Well, Celia's perfectly fitting roller skate got her exactly 16.4 metres.
33:08Joel's roller derby pogo approach got him 226.1 metres in total.
33:18OK, Lisa Tom, let's see someone else's stunted, hectic journey across the backyard, please.
33:23They say the longest journey is the one between our heads and our hearts.
33:26I hope this next guy gets further than that. It's Brett Blake.
33:29I think I know what I'm gonna do.
33:35This is a boring challenge.
33:38Task.
33:40Oh, shut up.
33:41It's really annoying the van's over there.
33:43Because if I could get to the van and drive, yeah, that's an idea.
33:53You had tape prepared?
33:54Yeah.
33:57Am I nailing this?
33:59The furthest distance travelled.
34:01How far is the next pub?
34:04We're not allowed to leave the property.
34:06We don't have licence plates.
34:07Well, then we get arrested by the police, they take us to the police station.
34:11What's that?
34:12Closest police station is eight k's away.
34:14Oh, **** one.
34:15No, we can't do that.
34:17Yeah, I can.
34:18Watch.
34:18No, we can't.
34:28We can't get out.
34:30Fair.
34:32I think it's gonna be furthest distance collectively.
34:36So, I'm just gonna do this for seven minutes, yeah?
34:39Woo!
34:41Such a drama queen, babe.
34:44Have a look at me.
34:45Do you think this mullet's fake?
34:46Do you think this is my first time doing this?
34:49Tom's having a panic attack.
34:51Tom's having a panic attack.
34:53The mullet makes me more worried.
34:55Do you know what will make you really worried?
34:56If I close my eyes.
35:01I reckon we got three k's in that.
35:03What do you reckon?
35:03You think?
35:04Three k's of doughnuts?
35:05Yeah.
35:06I'll just park in that corner, and then I think I've won.
35:09Careful.
35:12That's a win.
35:14Next.
35:16Taskmaster.
35:17My ass.
35:22Very good.
35:23Fred, I think your bogan intelligence really blossomed in this one, didn't it?
35:27You're right.
35:28I really think I excelled in that, and Tom had a terrific time, didn't you, Tom?
35:33I was...
35:34I was a bit scared.
35:37I've never seen producers more worried than doing that task.
35:40The stunt coordinator came with a fire extinguisher.
35:44If they're not stunt coordinators...
35:46What is he trying to do telling me off then?
35:49He's a health and safety officer.
35:51Oh, whatever.
35:53I'll tell you what he is.
35:54He's a goddamn wet planking.
35:59Alright, well, I think we have to know how far he went.
36:02Well, Brett did 17 doughnuts at approximately 27 metres circumference each, we think.
36:07Two trips up the drive and back, that's 195 metres total, plus an initial walk of 47 metres, is 701
36:12metres.
36:14Wow.
36:16Geez, it doesn't get much better than this.
36:18We'll have a break, because with great TV comes great ads.
36:22See you soon.
36:35Welcome back to Classmaster, where our five comedians are finally doing something I've been asking them to do for years.
36:42Go far away.
36:43That's right.
36:43Our contestants are trying to go as far as they can, using only two items from the items in front
36:47of them.
36:48Last up, they're as far from each other as they can be on their chairs right now.
36:51Is that a good omen, or just boring?
36:53It's Anissa and Rove.
36:55Can I, at this present moment in time, just put it out there, that no one's going to use the
37:01bread.
37:01Who's using bread?
37:03I'm riding the bagay.
37:05Where's bread going to get you?
37:07You think I'm a fool, but I'm smart.
37:10In fact, if someone does choose bread, in my next task, I will do the whole thing in falsetto.
37:17I'm a genius.
37:19I guarantee no one uses bread.
37:20Bam.
37:23Me and my bagay.
37:25I'm seeing a pogo stick.
37:26Do you know the last time I jumped on a pogo stick?
37:29No.
37:29Can't remember when.
37:30Oh.
37:31So that's going to be dangerous and fun.
37:34Bagay.
37:35I choose pogo stick.
37:38Me and you are going all the way, bagay.
37:40Okay.
37:42Fudge.
37:43Why are you breaking on me?
37:44I didn't think this through, bagay.
37:46How do pogo sticks work?
37:51What?
37:53I'm pogoing.
37:55I'm pogoing.
37:59Did I get to the pond?
38:00Not quite.
38:04Taskmaster taxi.
38:05Service ride.
38:06This voucher entitles you to one free taxi ride from Tom.
38:11Where do you want to go?
38:12Out of the property as far as possible, please.
38:15Yay!
38:18Yee-haw!
38:19I win!
38:21You happy with this?
38:22Yes, I win!
38:23I stand by my call.
38:26You're dead to me, bread.
38:27You're fine.
38:27You're fine.
38:28Oh, thank you.
38:28Anything you'd like to say to the others?
38:30Losers!
38:32That's great.
38:32I killed that.
38:39What a contrast.
38:40I feel like, Anissa, that was a real emotional rollercoaster.
38:44At first, you were, like, misidentifying the bread for ages.
38:47Then we thought you were a real idiot for trying to use it to get somewhere.
38:51And then things changed.
38:54You guys couldn't see it.
38:55None of you believed in me.
38:57I knew the bagay was the way all along.
39:05Now, Rov, I think you did a really good job, too,
39:08of pretending you don't know how to ride a pogo stick,
39:11whereas I feel like that was right up your alley.
39:13I think it says something about Bret and I's personalities,
39:17when he's just, like, laser-focused on,
39:19I want to get in the van.
39:21And I'm like, I want to bounce on a pogo stick.
39:24Yeah, I was getting real circus skills vibes from you.
39:27Oh, my God, Tom, the agonising thought I had wrestling in my own mind,
39:32do I go with the pogo stick or the unicycle?
39:34What a conundrum.
39:35Now, Lester Tom, can you remind me what Rov said
39:38about that bread before the break?
39:40If someone uses bread,
39:41I will do the whole next task in falsetto.
39:44All right, so, uh, how far did they get, though?
39:47Rov travelled 8.2 metres,
39:49Anissa travelled 4.2 kilometres.
39:51Hey!
39:54The game!
39:56So that means Rov gets one point, Celia gets two,
39:59Joel gets three, Brett gets four,
40:01but Anissa wins the task with five points.
40:06OK, so what does that do to the scores for the episode?
40:09Well, it changes them.
40:12All right, let's go to an ad break.
40:15What a cliffhanger!
40:16So Brett and Joel are in last place on ten points,
40:19Celia has 11, Rov has 13,
40:21but in the lead it's Anissa with 16 points.
40:23APPLAUSE
40:26OK, well enough maths and numbers.
40:28Get out of here, everyone.
40:30Go and do a live task for me.
40:31Off you go.
40:36OK, Cashman, before we get into this next task,
40:39let's just remember that Rov clearly said
40:40that if anyone used bread,
40:43he would do the next task in falsetto.
40:46OK, who's going to read the task?
40:48Oh, that will be Joel.
40:50Oh, well done, Joel!
40:52Is that what falsetto is?
40:54It sounds like a jockey to me, but...
40:59Paint your face in a silly way.
41:01No!
41:02Then...
41:04Share a serious story.
41:08There's more.
41:09Biggest disparity between silly face and serious story wins.
41:14You have two minutes to paint your face,
41:16then 20 seconds each to share a story.
41:19Your time starts now.
41:20Oh, boy!
41:30Why are you painting other parts of your body, Joel?
41:33I'm getting to my face!
41:37I think you've inspired Celia.
41:39Yeah, did you do?
41:40I'm probably...
41:40Oh, piss off, Celia.
41:45One minute left.
41:46This is like an art attack.
41:48Is it?
41:50Oh, then Joel's going to crush this!
41:54I don't think so.
41:56I'm going to go back to my tits.
41:57I'm going to go back to my tits!
42:00The tits are irrelevant!
42:01You're irrelevant!
42:02Tits are never irrelevant!
42:04How dare you!
42:05Ten seconds!
42:09Paintbrushes down, everybody!
42:11Paintbrushes down!
42:17Aneesa, you will be our first storyteller.
42:20Oh, no!
42:21Oh, no!
42:22She's gone whiteface!
42:25I'd like to tell a story about the time that I went to a Pauline Hanson rally and asked her
42:33to marry me.
42:37And she said no.
42:43Which would have made everyone pretty happy because she was sticking to her guns.
42:50Thank you, Aneesa.
42:53Brett Blake, please step up and tell a serious story.
42:57All right, serious story.
42:58Oh, um, I've done acting before.
43:02Oh, have you?
43:06I'll do better than that.
43:07Um, uh, one of the hardest gigs I ever did was about 12 years ago.
43:12Um...
43:14It wasn't a time!
43:15I didn't even get to talk about my grandad going, you f***ing arsehole!
43:19Now I've just got dicks and shit on my face on TV for no f***ing reason!
43:24Celia, please step up and tell a serious story.
43:27Agree.
43:27When my friend Kelly and I, um, had to agree to put down our dog, Deirdre Chambers,
43:33Um, the vet went, I made a face, and we went, what?
43:36And she said, oh, I'm just looking at the monitor.
43:37Her heart beats faster when she hears you talking to her.
43:48That was tough.
43:51What?
43:52Okay, well, uh, we're going to be back soon with two more silly faces and hopefully some
43:56very serious stories.
43:57After this.
43:58APPLAUSE
44:09Welcome back to Taskmaster.
44:11We're about to hear some more serious stories by people who look like they've been vandalised
44:15by drunk toddlers.
44:16That's right, we've got two remaining contestants, two serious stories to hear from our silly-looking
44:20people.
44:21Joel Creasy, you are next.
44:22Thank you very much.
44:24Um, I have been dumped many times in my life, um, the most probably hardcore dumping,
44:30hence the incredible tears on my face, uh, were when I took a man to see Have You Heard
44:35About the Morgans, a Sarah Jessica Parker vehicle, uh, that bombed at the box office.
44:40and he said he was going to get a chalk top and never returned and left me in the cinema
44:46on my own.
44:47But it was revenge!
44:48I hooked up with his brother!
44:52APPLAUSE
44:55Rose McManus, please step up.
44:57Oh, I feel I'm already at a disadvantage, but that's okay.
45:01The most humiliating day of my life was when I was on the school camp, first day of year
45:0812, and my girlfriend dumped me.
45:10She told all my friends first before she told me.
45:14Then she wrote it in a card that says, you're dropped, and it was Valentine's Day.
45:20LAUGHTER
45:22APPLAUSE
45:27Alright, well thank you so much for bearing your souls.
45:30Get down here so we can allocate some points.
45:32APPLAUSE
45:37OK, well I've got to give out some scores.
45:39I'm thinking when it comes to the faces and the silliness, they're all equally silly.
45:43Compared to the stories, the stories were all over the shop.
45:46So I'm going to give, uh, one point to Brett because he didn't really get his story out.
45:49And I'm going to give two points to Joel because it sounded like a serious story,
45:53but then at the end it got quite silly.
45:54I read the task though, I should get an extra point for that.
45:57LAUGHTER
45:58I'm not giving out points for comprehension.
46:00LAUGHTER
46:02I'm going to give three points to Anissa.
46:04OK.
46:04Uh, it was quite a silly story.
46:05I suspect it never happened.
46:06But I'm going to give four points to Rove.
46:08Uh, he was up against it, he had a silly voice.
46:10Which distracted me from the story a little bit, but it was very serious.
46:13But I'm going to give five points to Celia for dropping some dark shit...
46:17LAUGHTER
46:17..after putting on some weird makeup.
46:19Thank you.
46:21APPLAUSE
46:23I'll tell you what, that, that five points really makes killing my dog worth it.
46:27LAUGHTER
46:30All right, Mr Numbers, what does that mean for our overall episode score?
46:34Well, Brett is in fifth place with 11 points,
46:36but Anissa wins the episode with 19 points!
46:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:41All right, congrats, Anissa.
46:43Get up on stage to claim your five mouthfuls of prizes.
46:48Well, what have we learnt?
46:50Brent learnt that a stunt coordinator and a health and safety officer
46:53aren't the same thing.
46:55LAUGHTER
46:55And we all learnt Rove can Austin Powers so hard,
46:59he can break a caravan.
47:01LAUGHTER
47:02One more congratulations to our episode winner, Anissa!
47:05Good night!
47:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:12APPLAUSE
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