- 1 day ago
Urzila (2026) Season 1 Episode 4
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😹
FunTranscript
00:07Hello, Ursula!
00:10Kids, shut up!
00:11Shh, shh, shh.
00:14Are you home?
00:16We're home!
00:18Someone find Mummy's pants!
00:20Why are you naked?
00:21Who put this shit on the wall?
00:25What?
00:26What's the emergency?
00:27Did someone die?
00:28I just thought I'd pop by.
00:31Pop by?
00:32Bitch, I'm not prepared for that.
00:34This house is a mess.
00:35I'm not going to let you see my filth.
00:37I bet you're one of those tidy house psychos.
00:40What are you hiding, huh?
00:41What kind of fritzle situation is going on at your place?
00:45Can I just use your bathroom?
00:47No.
00:48We don't have one.
00:50Yeah, we're free wares now.
00:52It's better for the environment.
00:54Just go wee over there.
01:01You grub.
01:13Oh, hello!
01:16You are on fire!
01:19Oh, my God!
01:22Honestly, you make my tits perk up and nothing does that.
01:26Can I just say, as a 50-year-old woman, do you know the hardest part of my day these
01:30days?
01:31And you go, is it menopause?
01:32No, it's lining up my nipples.
01:36Like, initially, like, in my 40s, it was once a day.
01:39I'd put the bra on.
01:40I'd line the girls up.
01:41I'd go, I'm good to go.
01:42Now, they go, they're wilting like celery in Brisbane.
01:49They just can't do it.
01:51Then you talk to younger women, you know, whose skin still fit.
01:54And they go, it's so embarrassing.
01:57Today, I went to work and I forgot to put on a bra.
02:06They go, I didn't even notice.
02:08Still, I went for morning tea, made a cup of tea.
02:10When I opened the fridge, my nipples just went, tink!
02:13I was like, yeah, I weirdly had a very similar experience this week.
02:17Forgot to put a bra on.
02:19Went to make a cup of tea and slammed my tits in the drawer.
02:24Yeah.
02:28Very similar story.
02:29My nipples also went, tink, tink!
02:34Honestly, the stuff we go through as women with our boobs is crazy.
02:37I can't believe the technology has not really changed, you know.
02:41The fight we have with our underwire is insane.
02:46Insane.
02:46Like, you go throughout the day and you never know when that thing's coming out.
02:51You're just at work, you're working, 3 o'clock, you turn to look at your work wife
02:54and you're like, oh, I can't.
02:58And, you know, you go, oh, I think I may have had a stroke or something.
03:02I can't turn my...
03:03Oh, no, it's the underwire.
03:04It's out.
03:06The underwire creeped out.
03:07No one had said anything to you.
03:10And, you know, that thing didn't just go...
03:13It didn't just pop out.
03:14It slowly, incrementally, quarter millimeter by quarter millimeter was creeping out.
03:19You've been dealing with clients all day.
03:22You've been talking to your friends.
03:24Not one of them have gone, hey, babes.
03:26Yeah, your mechanical tit is unraveling.
03:30You know, that's how it changes.
03:32You go, how has your life changed as you've gotten older?
03:34I've got a lot more confidence and I went from a double D to a 38 long.
03:52I'm looking for the owner of a 10 double D grey granny bra with underwire issues 2017 model.
04:00It's me.
04:01Come on.
04:04All right.
04:06Pop the hood.
04:08Yay.
04:09Hey, old lady.
04:11I haven't seen one of these in years.
04:13Yeah, it's vintage.
04:14No, it's a shitbox is what it is.
04:16You should have come to see me ages ago.
04:18What the hell?
04:19It's got an antenna.
04:20You can catch talkback radio on this.
04:22Oh, I'm a racist bastard.
04:24But we could just take the underwire out and then it should be fine.
04:27If we take the underwire, that bright tit is going to come right down.
04:31And by Wednesday, you just drop kicking it on the pavement.
04:34I don't want that.
04:35No one wants that.
04:36What we're going to do is I'm going to go ahead and put it back in for you, OK?
04:40Yeah.
04:41Oh, God.
04:42Just don't scream.
04:44OK.
04:44Yeah.
04:45Oh, God.
04:45She's in.
04:46That feels so much better.
04:47So much better.
04:48Thank you for your work.
04:50Oh, we're not done.
04:51We're not done?
04:52No, no.
04:53Look, the suspension on this thing is munted.
04:55Look at that.
04:55Look at that.
04:56Oh.
04:57Diff is going to be dragging on that thing.
04:59It's got no shocks left in it.
05:00OK.
05:01Do you get a lot of tit-poppages on that?
05:03Oh, sometimes if I stop suddenly.
05:05Yeah.
05:05It's because your brakes aren't right.
05:07OK.
05:07I'll tell you what.
05:08She's a big job.
05:09The rims are all bent up.
05:10Leave her with me for a couple of days.
05:12I'll give you one of these courtesy bras.
05:14Maybe that sporty one.
05:15No.
05:16I can't wear that.
05:17And I need this done now.
05:18I need it now.
05:21Hop up.
05:22Let me have a look underneath.
05:25All righty, Rue.
05:26Shall we?
05:27OK.
05:28Good news, bad news.
05:29You're getting new lice.
05:31Yeah, just do it.
05:32Just do it.
05:33Oh.
05:34Oh.
05:35Oh.
05:36Are you sure you know what you're doing down there?
05:38I'm going to need a hammer.
05:41Oh, wow.
05:42Got it.
05:43They should lift those girls up.
05:47Oh.
05:47Oh.
05:48Oh, no.
05:48I've hit the milk tank.
05:50Oh, sorry.
05:50I'm not tanning.
05:51I should have stayed.
05:52It's all right.
05:53It happens all the time.
05:54Don't worry about it.
05:57That was a messy job, mate.
05:58Like, oh.
05:59I'm going to smell like custard for days.
06:01I mean, it's much better, so thank you.
06:04There you go.
06:07$1,455.
06:08That seems like a lot.
06:11Oh, hi, Mum.
06:12What's the damage?
06:13Um, well, new underwires, 15mm straps, D-cup re-putting.
06:21Well, going off this month's Spotlight catalogue, I'd say $17.70.
06:26Yeah, and labour, though.
06:28So, like, 10 minutes.
06:30$17.70, is it?
06:34Thanks, Mum.
06:35Mm-hmm.
06:37Thanks.
06:38Don't hurry back.
06:40Next!
06:41It's been 28 days since the virus spread,
06:45what many are calling a Karen-demic.
06:48She spat in my son's face.
06:50I'm notifying the authorities!
06:53And we'll look at it.
06:58You have no right to film me.
07:00That's it.
07:00If you film me, I'll film you.
07:03The Australian military has finally captured
07:05the first of the infected, Karen Zero.
07:08You're bending my voice back!
07:10Scientists hoping her DNA
07:12may provide a cure to this horrifying plague.
07:21Karen!
07:22Karen!
07:23Karen, can you hear us?
07:24Karen!
07:24Karen!
07:25Yes!
07:26I'm asleep, not dead.
07:28Use your inside voice.
07:30Can you understand what we're saying?
07:32Yes, I speak English.
07:33This is an English-speaking country
07:34the last time I checked.
07:35Although, before you know it,
07:36we'll all be speaking Afrikaans.
07:38Because if I stop letting those people in,
07:39we only have until midnight to secure a DNA sample.
07:42It's the only way to create a cure.
07:45Okay, Karen, I'm going to get a strand of your hair now, okay?
07:49Hey, hey, hey!
07:50The only people I let touch my blunt bulb
07:52is Fernando, my stylist,
07:53and me when I have to fix his cock-ups.
07:56You're not touching my blunt bulb!
07:58We're running out of time.
07:59I'm going to get a skin-scraping.
08:00Good luck, I've had more sunbeds
08:02than you've had hot meals.
08:04Don't you know you're ruining the world?
08:06You're evil!
08:07And you're rude, Missy!
08:08I'm going to make you really famous
08:10on my Facebook community page.
08:12We need to get a blood sample.
08:14Excuse me, are you even a qualified phlebotomist?
08:16I'm going to need a man for this job, please.
08:19Are you not putting that on me?
08:20Ah!
08:20I didn't even get vaccinated!
08:22You don't know what's in that!
08:23I do all my own research!
08:25Get off me!
08:26There are 443,000 Karen's on this planet because of you.
08:31And that number is increasing minute by minute!
08:34It's okay.
08:35I'll talk to their supervisor.
08:37There is no supervisor.
08:38I'll talk to their manager then.
08:40There is no manager either!
08:41So who's in charge of these Karen's then?
08:43You are the first Karen who started the virus!
08:46So what does that mean?
08:47I guess it means the supervisor is you.
08:54I want to talk to the supervisor.
08:56I am the supervisor.
08:58I have to speak to myself?
09:00But you can't talk to me like that.
09:03I pay my taxes.
09:04I know my rights.
09:05I've been a customer here for years.
09:07You can't talk there.
09:08Don't film.
09:09I will film you.
09:11Why don't you go back to where you came from?
09:14Speak in jail!
09:21Look!
09:23Is she dead?
09:25I think so.
09:26We may win this war yet!
09:34Oh, this place is filthy!
09:37How long are you going to let the blood lie here?
09:39Who's in charge of mopping these floors?
09:41This is a safe thing to show.
09:45You know, we are in here because we all have something in common.
09:48We all love comedy and are very sexy lesbians.
09:52No, you know, that's what bring people together.
09:55The things we have in common.
09:56We think it's sport, but it's a lot more simple than that.
09:59We have very simple things.
10:01It's like, if you drive a car, you own a car, you pick your nose in the car and you
10:05flick the snot in the passenger footwell.
10:08Don't you?
10:37Don't you?
10:37Oh, me!
11:04Don't you explain to people it's because you're picking your nose.
11:07You're on a river.
11:08You use them as a pillow.
11:09The kids are playing with them.
11:10You're basically a good parent if you have that.
11:13OK.
11:20This is actually one of my personal favourites.
11:23Mmm.
11:24What fresh hell is that?
11:26Ooh!
11:26Somebody knows their box wine.
11:28Oh, well.
11:29Now, this one you can actually drink immediately.
11:32But we do recommend that you cellar it for 10 to 12 minutes.
11:36Any longer and it's going to burn a hole right through your stomach.
11:39Mmm.
11:39That is acrid.
11:40It's stinging my eyes.
11:42Also, I'd like you to try a new one.
11:44It's going to take you on a bit of a journey.
11:46So, pay attention to the notes in it and tell me what you taste.
11:53Beautiful colour.
11:54Mm-hmm.
11:55Right.
11:59That tastes like my mouth stubbed its toe.
12:02I can already taste what it would be like to throw this up in the back of an Uber.
12:05Oh, yeah.
12:06Um, it's quite acidic.
12:08Almost, um, urine-like.
12:10Yeah, it's the piss.
12:11Real piss?
12:12Yeah.
12:13Yeah, yeah, yeah.
12:14That is directly from our Felix filtration system.
12:18Go, buddy!
12:19There's a strong stream.
12:20Yeah, it rips!
12:22He's got three kidneys.
12:23Oh.
12:23Amazing.
12:24He's a gift.
12:25Wow.
12:25Yeah.
12:25It gives a depth of flavour to the wine that you're just not going to find in any other box
12:30wine.
12:32I actually wouldn't mind trying some of these others if I could.
12:35Mucky pond scum, deodorant, anal leakage?
12:39No, anal leakage.
12:40It's English.
12:41Yeah, yeah.
12:41Anal leakage.
12:42Anal leakage.
12:43Okay.
12:44How do I pronounce this last one?
12:46Spew.
12:47Spew.
12:47Spew.
12:48Spew.
12:49Yeah, yeah.
12:50I'd like to taste the spew.
12:52Of course.
12:52It's actually part of our tasting flight.
12:56Wow.
12:57Wow.
12:59Fancy.
13:00If it lands on you, you must drink every last drop.
13:05The last drop.
13:06You ready?
13:08Yes, okay.
13:09Let's do it.
13:09Good luck.
13:10Woo!
13:11Yeah.
13:12Woo!
13:14Woo!
13:15Woo!
13:15Woo!
13:20Here's to Sally.
13:22She's too blue.
13:24She's a piss spot through and through.
13:26She's a bastard, so they say.
13:29She's trying to have a bunch of weight the other way.
13:32Down!
13:32Down!
13:33Down!
13:34Down!
13:34Down!
13:35Down!
13:35Down!
13:36Down!
13:36Down!
13:37Down!
13:38Down!
13:39Down!
13:39Yeah!
13:42You know what?
13:43It's nutty.
13:44Like ballsacky.
13:45I really wouldn't know.
13:50All right.
13:51Off you go, Jack.
13:52Go find someone to play with.
13:53Oh, cool.
13:54There's Oscar.
13:55Yeah, yeah.
13:56He's definitely there.
13:58But also, there's Axel.
14:00Go and play with Axel.
14:03I think I'll go play with Oscar.
14:06You and I have to have a little chat.
14:08Okay, buddy?
14:09Whoever you choose to be friends with, I have to be friends with their mums.
14:13And I cannot do that.
14:15Okay?
14:16So go play with Axel.
14:17What's wrong with Oscar?
14:19Oscar's class captain.
14:20So you know his mum runs half marathons.
14:22She's going to want to chat to me about intermittent fasting.
14:25And there's about 4,000 recipes for chia pudding.
14:27I cannot do another chia pudding.
14:30Okay?
14:30I'll have a blowout.
14:31But look at Axel's mum.
14:32She's vaping.
14:33I like her.
14:34Do you see how she doesn't have orthopedic sneakers on?
14:37It's because she's cool.
14:38And cool parents have cool kids.
14:40So please, go play with Axel.
14:42But isn't Axel a bad kid?
14:44What do you mean?
14:46Look at him.
14:47He's eradicating ants.
14:48You hate ants.
14:49The insects and the movie.
14:51But Oscar looks like he's having fun too.
14:54Oscar's picking up other people's trash, okay?
14:56So you know his mum has a cute cup and some hot opinions about vegetarianism.
15:01I'm not getting involved in that.
15:06I thought you said bullying was wrong.
15:09What bullying?
15:10He's teaching younger kids to be resilient baby.
15:13They need that.
15:15I don't know mum.
15:16Oscar's really smart.
15:18As is Axel.
15:22Look at him.
15:23He's selling sherbet to kids.
15:27What a good kid.
15:28He's a little entrepreneur.
15:29I don't think that's sherbet mum.
15:31Please.
15:32Think of me.
15:33Just for once, okay?
15:34And go and play with the evil kid.
15:36Okay, fine.
15:45Hi.
15:46Hi.
15:47Yeah, good.
15:48Yep.
15:49Kids, eh?
15:49Let's get up to the darndest things.
15:52Oh, I know.
15:52I would kill for a kid like Axel.
15:55Well, you're not Axel's mum.
15:57Oh, I wish.
15:58Get this.
15:59I tried to get Oscar to sell pingas in the playground the other day.
16:02And he said, no, I'd rather do origami.
16:05I'm so embarrassed.
16:06Wait, so who's Axel's mum?
16:08Oh, you do not want to know.
16:11Okay.
16:11Yoo-hoo!
16:13That's not her.
16:14It's not her.
16:14It's not her.
16:14It's not her.
16:16Oh, my God.
16:17Look, Axel's made a friend.
16:19Hit it!
16:19Hit it!
16:20Hit it!
16:21Harder!
16:22Looks like we're gonna be besties.
16:24I am.
16:25Mmm.
16:26Mmm.
16:27Have you heard of intermittent fasting?
16:28Honestly, I just broke my fast with this amazing turmeric chai chia pudding.
16:33Hey, that is too big for anything.
16:36That and that.
16:37Jack, let's go!
16:38Your kid is a bad influence on my child and she'd be in prison.
16:42So should you.
16:45You're gonna have a blowout, by the way.
16:47Can you please give this to Axel and tell him, I'm good for it.
16:51I'm good for the next one.
16:54Axel, darling, I said no dealing in the playground.
16:56You're not listening to mummy.
16:58Listen, can I just say, you know, we live in this world now where it is what it is, right?
17:04We're burning it to the ground, but at least we're more aware of each other
17:08and we know that everyone is beautiful.
17:15That's not true, is it?
17:18Oh, you know, when people go, everyone's opinions count, everyone has valid, valid opinions
17:23and everyone is beautiful.
17:24I go, no, they're not.
17:26I have seen some dogs in my time.
17:30I know, and I know right now you're going, this is, am I allowed to?
17:35I want you to quickly transport yourself out of your own Facebook community page
17:41and what you would say online to put you and your friend in a mall.
17:46Let's create a scenario, shall we?
17:50Let's for instance say, we're all in the mall, okay?
17:54We're out of this theatre, we're in the mall, me with this body right now
17:58in a black mini skirt, a leather one, okay?
18:03You're there with your best friend.
18:06You two see me walking.
18:10Yeah, that's what you're doing right now.
18:13You know, you fucking know.
18:20You don't think you've got a mean bone in your body?
18:23Alright, let's amp it up a little bit, shall we?
18:26We're in the mall, I'm in my black mini skirt
18:29and we're all going up the escalator, okay?
18:33Now you're with me.
18:35I'm a few steps ahead of you.
18:37Then your friend, you want to tell your friend something
18:39so you look right up my clacker.
18:42Now you've got pink eye.
18:44Is it still beautiful?
18:46Is it still beautiful?
18:49If you honestly believe that every person is beautiful,
18:55you've never been on public transport.
18:58You have not because that is an assault on your eyeballs
19:01and quite frankly all of your senses, okay?
19:04I'm not saying we're not all beautiful.
19:07Like you may find something sexy, right?
19:10What's sexy to you is not necessarily sexy to me.
19:13All I'm saying is like not all beautiful things are sexy
19:17or not all sexy things are beautiful.
19:18We're not here to yucky or yum, whatever you're into.
19:21That's called having a kink, okay?
19:25If you think everyone's beautiful, congratulations.
19:27You've got a kink, maybe.
19:29Maybe you think all accents are beautiful, right?
19:32Maybe like, you know the South African accent is very sexy.
19:36It is a very attractive accent.
19:38It just makes your panties drop right off you.
19:43Feeling lonely?
19:45Looking for that special someone?
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19:55Ciao, bello.
19:57For £8.99 a minute,
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20:03Delicioso.
20:04So, who do you want to talk to?
20:06Oh, hello.
20:07I'm Penelope.
20:09I'm your buxom British babe from across the pond.
20:12And for £5.99 a minute,
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20:19And for the more budget conscious gentlemen,
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20:26Yeah, now I'm currently naked right now.
20:29Yeah, full bush hair.
20:31Nipples on high beam.
20:32I'm absolutely stinging for a fuck.
20:35Are you horny?
20:37No, I said, are you horny?
20:40Yeah, like a rhino.
20:41Yeah.
20:43Me too.
20:43I'm Tiffany.
20:46I'm Tiffany.
20:46Call me now for £7.99 a minute.
20:49I'm looking for a stallion right all night long.
20:54And for an extra dollar, you can have both of us in a freeway.
20:59And we'll be bopping your willy around like two cheetahs
21:02on a half-dead springbok out in the desert.
21:06Pick up the phone and call 1-900-PASSIONS
21:09to talk to beautiful women from all around the world.
21:13Or this bitch.
21:15Ach man, I'm riding you so hard right now.
21:18And you're charging at me like a hippo.
21:20And it is wet season in a savannah.
21:23Now you're hard like a cricket wicked man.
21:25You're long and skinny.
21:27With a bit of grass coming through the sides.
21:30Don't you finish.
21:31Ach, shame man.
21:33Okay, bye.
21:34Don't wait.
21:35Call 1-900-PASSIONS right now.
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21:41But don't call me for the next 45 minutes.
21:43I'm on lunch.
21:45This bultong is real hard to chew free.
21:48So, who do you want to talk to?
21:52Hey, do you know the world's sexiest accents?
21:55They rank them every year.
21:57Did you know that?
21:58Do you want to guess the sexiest accent in the world right now?
22:03Kiwi!
22:03That's right.
22:04Kiwi accent.
22:05Doesn't that just fucking blow up your ass?
22:08A Kiwi accent is number one.
22:10Do you want to guess what's number two?
22:13South African.
22:15That's right.
22:17Australia comes in at number five.
22:19So, I've got a hybrid of all three of those.
22:23Honestly, I'm amazed.
22:24If you, while I'm talking, if you just listen, you can hear the knickers just drop around the room.
22:31She's a full-time job.
22:32I'm just going to pull that up and put that back in.
22:36All right.
22:36Thank you so much for coming.
22:37You guys have been amazing.
22:42Shit and go, bro.
22:45Yes, Melody.
22:46This bull tongue is real hard to chew free.
22:51Hello.
22:52My name is Christia.
22:53And for an extra dollar.
22:56And for an extra dollar.
23:02I can do it.
23:03And for an extra dollar.
23:07Is everyone horny?
23:15Someone's never had a sip of liquid in there.
23:19What part of me is real wet?
23:21My armpits.
23:22My armpits, my butt crack.
23:24It's so hot in here.
23:25We haven't got the air conditioning fixed.
23:28Here I know the heart.
23:29I like.
23:30No, I'm just sitting here playing with my left nipple.
23:34Yeah, she's a lot more sensitive than the other one.
23:37The other one, I was stamped on a car door when I was little.
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