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00:00MUSIC CONTINUES
00:22Good evening! I'm Guy Montgomery,
00:25and welcome to Guy Montgomery's Guymon Spelling Bee,
00:28a show that celebrates my devotion to the art of linguistics
00:31in the hope that my high school English teacher
00:33will see this and be delighted that I finally learnt how to spell.
00:37It was a skill I decided to pick up recently,
00:40after my wife started calling it a W-A-L-K in front of me
00:43so I wouldn't get too excited.
00:46Tonight, we'll be putting the skills of four comedians to the test,
00:49many of whom claimed spelling was something they learned ages ago.
00:52OK, well, some of us were busy playing sports
00:55and accidentally getting locked in junkyard fridges
00:58during neighbourhood games of hide-and-seek.
01:00Our most experienced and best scoring speller tonight
01:04will receive a one-way trip to the next episode!
01:08Oh!
01:10No return ticket, as that is not how the passage of time works.
01:14For tonight's loser, however, they will pay their respects to this show
01:18by serving time in the dunce's corner.
01:24Tonight's episode is full of letters, language and hopefully laughter
01:28if our contestants fulfil their end of the legally binding digital contracts
01:32the ABC sent their management weeks ago.
01:34So now let's meet our e-signers.
01:37We've got...
01:39Achmar!
01:39Hello!
01:40Hi!
01:41Welcome, thank you.
01:42Helen Bower!
01:45Scout Boxall!
01:47And last week's champion, it's Melanie Bracewell!
01:53Now let's get spitting!
01:54Yay!
01:59As always, our first round is the aptly named spelling round.
02:03And you're never going to guess what we do in this one.
02:06In front of me are many of my favourite words,
02:08divided by a level of difficulty between these three vessels.
02:11For those who watched The Wizard of Oz and thought,
02:14I think I might be attracted to that lion,
02:16well, we have the Coward's Cup.
02:18It contains the easiest of the words,
02:21worth one point each and a chance to connect spiritually
02:23with your celebrity crush.
02:25For those who know how to parallel park,
02:27but take a minute to get it done,
02:29we have The Person's Purse.
02:31Two points apiece and a chance
02:32to give children watching at home with their parents
02:34the opportunity to spell it before you do
02:36and say, it was actually kind of easy.
02:39For contestants who don't worry
02:41that the speed of their car's windscreen wipers
02:43is a bit too hysterical for the rate of rain,
02:45we have The Bucket of Bravery.
02:48A correct spelling from here,
02:50you'll be adding three points to that podium
02:51and another boost to your already inflated ego.
02:55And first up is a man whose name is so nice
02:57you only have to say it once,
02:59it's Ackman!
03:03Oh my gosh!
03:05You have appeared on I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here
03:07without watching it first.
03:09Yeah.
03:09That's a decision you later described as a horrible mistake.
03:12Yeah, yeah.
03:13So please tell me, have you seen this show?
03:15I saw it last night in my hotel room
03:17and I thought, that's easy!
03:19And then I realised you have different games
03:21and now I feel like I should have stayed home.
03:24You were telling me backstage as well
03:25that your wife is a fantastic speller.
03:27My wife is a fantastic speller.
03:29You name it, she can spell it.
03:31She's amazing, she's a witch.
03:32So did she give you...
03:35I mean she's good at doing things.
03:37Yeah.
03:38And did she give you any advice for spelling?
03:41She said, don't do the show
03:42because you're going to look like a queer.
03:45On our honeymoon before we actually consummated the wedding
03:49I had to go through some spelling.
03:54Spell erectile dysfunction.
03:56And I couldn't.
03:59I'm tempted to get into it
04:00but it's also fun just to let you cook, brother.
04:04Oh yeah.
04:06Akmal, it's so nice to have you with us.
04:09Which receptacle would you like to spell from?
04:12Which receptacle?
04:13Yeah, so I...
04:15You might not have heard.
04:16So basically it goes like this.
04:18Easy, real, probably get it right.
04:21Yeah.
04:21Medium.
04:22Alright.
04:22Do not touch.
04:23Well let's start with easy.
04:26Easy.
04:26Of course, a fine choice.
04:28Your word from the Coward's Cup is...
04:30Yeah.
04:32Ice cream.
04:33Ice cream.
04:34Ice cream.
04:35I.
04:35C.
04:37How am I going?
04:39So far, so good.
04:40Although...
04:40Can I go back and watch a few episodes?
04:42No, no, no, no.
04:43If you can just give me an hour.
04:45No, no, it's good.
04:46It's good to learn in real time.
04:47Yeah, yeah, ice cream.
04:48Sorry.
04:49I-I-C-E.
04:53C-R-E-A-N.
04:55That is correct.
04:58Yeah.
04:59You're on the board.
05:00Huh?
05:01You're very impressed.
05:02Not even my first language.
05:06And our next speller hails from the UK, a country famous for shortening words to just two letters so they're
05:12easier to spell.
05:12Please welcome Helen Bowers!
05:15CHEERING
05:18Helen, how do you do?
05:20I'm thriving.
05:21How are you?
05:22I'm also thriving.
05:23Slay.
05:25I think I am slaying.
05:28It says here you've also recently launched an audio diary podcast by the name of Helen's Log.
05:33I did that, yeah.
05:34And let me tell you, it took some dangerous Google image searches to find out about that.
05:41Everyone thinks it's about the toilet, but why would I do that?
05:44That would be crazy.
05:45So I'm going to do a podcast about poo?
05:48Like, that would be mad.
05:49And if my dad works in sewage, then it would be like the double poo family.
05:54Your business is our business.
05:56Give me the tagline.
05:58We're number one with your number twos.
06:01Actually, that is good.
06:04Wait, did you just riff those two jokes?
06:06That was money.
06:08Did you see?
06:09I just looked at my agent like, write that down.
06:13We're filming it.
06:17How wonderful.
06:19So, how are you with spelling?
06:21Oh, not good, of course, but I have wonderful women's intuition in many ways.
06:25So I believe in myself, and that's all we can ask.
06:31Quite tempered applause for the woman's intuition.
06:35Can I pick now?
06:36Can I pick?
06:37Yeah, you can pick now.
06:38That's right.
06:38Which receptacle would you like the spell from?
06:40Honestly, I feel really good about myself, so I'm going to go for the person's purse.
06:45Very good.
06:46The person's purse.
06:47From the person's purse.
06:49Your word is vasectomy.
06:54Vasectomy.
06:56Now, before you spell, as Akmal could have, you can always ask for a language of origin,
07:03a definition or to hear the word in a sentence.
07:05I'd like a definition from you, 100%.
07:08An attempt to restrain alphas.
07:14OK, and now I'm about to spell it perfectly.
07:18Vasectomy.
07:19V.
07:20Correct.
07:30I knew it!
07:32I knew it!
07:34Well done, Helen.
07:35Two points are yours.
07:37How many boxes has our next contestant got?
07:40What if I told you it's all of them?
07:41It's Scout Boxers!
07:45Scout, welcome to the show.
07:46Thank you for having me.
07:47It's a pleasure.
07:48How are you feeling?
07:49I'm a little nervy.
07:50Yeah?
07:50But I'm feeling good.
07:51What's the cause for the nerves, do you think?
07:53Seeing Akmal's performance.
07:54I was like, it could, you know, it could be rough out there.
07:57But then seeing Helen's performance and then seeing you saw, so I've seen, like, the peak
08:01and the trough of the game already and it's weird.
08:06Akmal has so far come on the show.
08:08We've had a lovely back and forth and he's earned himself a point.
08:10I won.
08:11I'm sorry.
08:12No, no.
08:13I'm sorry about that.
08:13Yeah, but one point, but I got two.
08:15Perfect.
08:17How are you with spelling?
08:19Good.
08:19Yeah?
08:20Yeah.
08:20When did you discover that you're good at spelling?
08:22In primary school, I reckon.
08:24Wow.
08:24And you kept it?
08:25Yeah, I did.
08:26The whole way?
08:27The whole way.
08:27Oh my God.
08:28You're here to tumble, aren't you?
08:29Well, let's do it.
08:30Okay.
08:31Let's jump off.
08:31Let's do it.
08:32Which receptacle would you like to spell?
08:33The Bucket of Bravery.
08:34Okay.
08:37From The Bucket of Bravery, your word is...
08:41Tintinabulation.
08:44Tintinabulation.
08:45Can you use in a sentence, please?
08:47Don't worry about your leg, bud.
08:49Just focus on the Tintinabulation of those sleigh bells ringing, said Santa, as he pitched
08:53a white tent around Rudolph and unwrapped a gun that was intended for one of the nice
08:57American children.
09:00Yeah.
09:03All right.
09:05Tintinabulation.
09:06T-I-N.
09:08Oh.
09:11T-I-N.
09:12A-B-U-L-A-T-I-O-N.
09:16It's wrong, isn't it?
09:16That is incorrect.
09:19Oh.
09:19I'm sorry.
09:20That's valid.
09:21How could you not get that?
09:22I know.
09:24Tintinabulation, spelled T-I-N-T-I-N-N.
09:27Yeah.
09:28A-B-U-L-A-T-I-O-N.
09:31It was close, though.
09:32It was okay.
09:32It was close.
09:33It was close.
09:34Thanks.
09:35Oh, yeah.
09:36It was.
09:37It was.
09:39It was a different kind of show tonight.
09:41And finally, it's the person with arguably the most pressure to perform well tonight.
09:45It's last week's champion, Melanie Bracewell!
09:52Mel, welcome back.
09:54Who on the panel tonight do you see as the weakest and or most vulnerable?
09:58Please note you cannot select me.
10:02I think I can crush all of them.
10:04Oh, wow.
10:05Yes.
10:06Helen, emotionally, because she seems...
10:11She's been nothing but kind.
10:13I've done therapy for, like, six years.
10:15I bought crystals today.
10:18Oh, yeah, you're doing great.
10:24I just mean that she wants to give us a round of applause for close,
10:28and I'm just thinking that her standard for competition is dipping.
10:32And, yes, I will fight you, Helen.
10:36I will physically break you, and it would be a pleasure.
10:40A genu...
10:41You know what?
10:41I'm going to calm down.
10:43I'm going to calm down, too.
10:43But that was crazy.
10:46Well, Mel, I mean, you're absolutely setting fires left and right on the podiums,
10:50but which receptacle would you like to spell from?
10:53I'm going to do the Bucket of Bravery.
10:55OK.
10:58From the Bucket of Bravery, your word is...
11:02Sostroming.
11:04The definition can often be functionally helpful.
11:07Complete definition.
11:08A pungent-smelling fish from Sweden.
11:11Sostroming.
11:12OK.
11:12Could you use Sostroming in a sentence?
11:14Give a man a can of Sostroming.
11:16Disgust him for a day.
11:18Teach a man to make Sostroming.
11:20Disgust everyone around him for a lifetime.
11:23OK.
11:26S-A-U-S-T-R-O-M-I.
11:36That is incorrect.
11:40Sir Stroming is spelled S-U-I-S-T-R-O-M-M-I-N-G.
11:47So sorry, Mel.
11:48No points awarded.
11:49And now that we've all assessed your base level of skill,
11:51let's directly compare those results
11:53as we admire the scoreboard scout and Mel both on 0,
11:56Akmal on 1,
11:57and after the first round,
11:59out in front with two points,
12:00it's Helen Bower!
12:04All right, everyone.
12:06Don't panic, but it sounds like there's a pigeon in the studio again.
12:09And it sounds...
12:10gorgeous.
12:15Birds!
12:16My favourite half of the classic birds and bees combination.
12:19If it were up to me,
12:20I'd scrub the bees altogether and it would just be the birds
12:23and the guy who likes to have sex with birds.
12:26I love me a bird,
12:28and this country seems to be absolutely bursting with the feathered fellas.
12:32There is no greater expert in the birdwatching community
12:34than our very own loon-lover and self-described beak guy,
12:37please welcome Sam Campbell!
12:41Wow!
12:44Hiya, Sam!
12:45You see anything good there?
12:47Plenty of birds, guy.
12:49Plenty of birds.
12:52But I'm also keeping an eye out for the cheeky rapscallions
12:56who keep trying to mess with my equipment.
12:58Oh, that might explain the dark rings around the eye there, eh?
13:01But a harmless fun.
13:02Oh, these? Oh, no, no, no.
13:03I just haven't slept in five days.
13:06I've got a newborn.
13:07Sam, congratulations!
13:08A newborn desire to see even more birds!
13:14Which is really upsetting my wife.
13:16I think she wants help with the baby.
13:18Okay.
13:18Now, in this round,
13:20contestants will join Sam in the gentleman's hobby of birdwatching.
13:24If the leaves are a-rustlin', the birds are a-bustlin'.
13:27If you spot a bird near the forest floor,
13:30you'll end up with one of the classics
13:31and therefore an easier-to-spell bird with one point.
13:34Birds in the central bush are slightly more obscure
13:37and therefore worth two points.
13:40Birds up the very top of the tree are familiar
13:42to only the most avid of avian addicts
13:44and so are worth three points.
13:47When you see or hear a rustling
13:49that is at the level you enjoy,
13:50raise your binoculars
13:52and Sam will identify the bird for you.
13:55To aid your efforts,
13:56you may ask for their typical whereabouts
13:57or a secret about them,
13:59a little birdie told me.
14:01All right.
14:02Akmal.
14:03Yes.
14:03Or should I say Ak-mel-ard.
14:05Ha-ha.
14:07You're up first.
14:09Yes.
14:09Let's have a look at the bush.
14:12Yes.
14:13So hold...
14:13Yeah, yeah, so...
14:14Can I get those binoculars?
14:15Sorry, I won't...
14:16So...
14:17You're going to hold...
14:18You're going to have the binoculars ready.
14:19Yeah, I've got it ready.
14:20And when you see...
14:21So here it is.
14:22Basically...
14:23Easy bird.
14:24Yes.
14:25Medium difficulty bird.
14:26Yeah.
14:27Difficult bird.
14:28A difficult bird.
14:29Not unlike the old ball and chain.
14:31Bird, yeah, yeah.
14:33So...
14:34A birdie...
14:34Yeah.
14:35Let the game commence.
14:36All right.
14:39Yeah, he wants to go a little trickier.
14:41Yeah, go a bit harder, yeah?
14:42All right.
14:43Oh, he's raised his binoculars!
14:45Yay!
14:47Akmal, I believe it's a tawny frogmouth.
14:50Tawny frogmouth.
14:51Oh, the tawny frogmouth.
14:53Yeah.
14:53What that frogmouth do, huh?
14:55Yeah.
14:55Yeah.
14:56It's a tawny frogmouth.
14:58Famous for being able to seamlessly blend into bushes.
15:01Yeah.
15:01Meaning these little guys would have nowhere to hide in Brazil.
15:04Your word.
15:06Oh, yeah, yeah.
15:08Your word is tawny frogmouth.
15:12Tawny...
15:14Yeah, it's tawny frogmouth.
15:16Yeah, it's tawny frogmouth.
15:17Yeah, yeah.
15:18Hey, I'm totally frogmouth.
15:18Yeah, yeah.
15:19Yeah, yeah.
15:19Yeah, yeah.
15:20It's like a...
15:22Hey, I'm sleeping here!
15:25T-A-W-N-Y-F-R-O-G.
15:32And then mouth.
15:34M-O-U-T-H.
15:38So...
15:39So that's three words.
15:40That is two words, yeah.
15:42That was...
15:43You're giving me three words to spell.
15:45Well, and somehow you knocked them all out of the park.
15:47Well done.
15:48I did.
15:49And Akmal, for a bonus, five points.
15:51Can you name any other animal that has another animal
15:54with inside its name?
15:55I know that believe, the word believe,
15:58has lie in the middle of it.
16:01I figured that out when I was at school,
16:03and I have ADHD, so...
16:06No, you've got to be kidding me.
16:08It was quite brilliant.
16:09Is that right?
16:11Akmal, congratulations.
16:12Two points are yours.
16:13What?
16:14You got it right.
16:15Yeah, yeah.
16:15Oh, wow!
16:16Now, Helen Bowerbird.
16:18You're up.
16:18You ready?
16:19Yeah, of course.
16:20OK.
16:22Oh!
16:24Straight for the top shelf!
16:26Yes, because I believe in myself.
16:28L-I-E in the middle.
16:30What have we got there, Sam?
16:32Well, if I'm not mistaken, and I really am,
16:34it's the rufous-throated honey-eater.
16:37Oh, is that a good spotting bird?
16:38Oh, it's one of the rarest.
16:40Oh, God, I'm not ready for a family!
16:44You have found a rufous-throated honey-eater, made distinct by the amber colour ruffle on its throat.
16:50They're one of the few birds with a neck beard, and also one of the few birds to call women
16:54slurs on online gaming platforms.
16:57Your word is rufous-throated honey-eater.
17:00Where would you find the rufous-throated honey-eater?
17:03Either in the pantry or the fridge, depending on the household.
17:07That's just good, clean fun.
17:09OK.
17:10I will now spell it.
17:11Sorry, before we continue, I've just got to check.
17:13Have all of the panellists tonight got a diagnosis?
17:18Yeah, I guess, yeah.
17:19No wonder the frickin' energy in here is so electric.
17:23But we're having a nice time.
17:25We're having a very good time.
17:27At the moment, but things could turn.
17:32Quickly.
17:33The more we talk, I forgot the name of the biotech.
17:36It's OK.
17:36The rufous-throated honey-eater.
17:39Honey-eater.
17:40The rufous-throated honey-eater.
17:42You don't have to...
17:43Oh, shut up!
17:44He was so gas-distracting.
17:47OK.
17:51R-U-F-U-F-T-H-R-O-A-T-E-D-H-O-N-E-Y-E-A
18:02-T-E-R.
18:03That is incorrect.
18:05Oh, my God!
18:06Oh, my God!
18:07Rufous-throated honey-eater is spelt R-U-F-O-U-S.
18:11Oh, yes.
18:12T-H-R-O-A-T-E-D.
18:14I try to help you.
18:14Honey-eater, get it out of the park.
18:18I'm actually winning.
18:21Boy, of course!
18:23Helen, no points awarded.
18:26Scout, you're up next.
18:28Hello.
18:28You know how the game works.
18:30Let's go.
18:31Let's play.
18:31Let's do it.
18:37Oh!
18:38Straight for the top shelf.
18:39What have we got?
18:41Ooh!
18:43Ooh!
18:43Is that peregrine?
18:44It's a nankeen kestrel.
18:48That's right.
18:49It's the majestic nankeen kestrel.
18:51One of the smaller falcons on the market,
18:53the nankeen kestrel does not rely on speed to catch its prey,
18:56rather using online forums and false identities.
18:59Your word is nankeen kestrel.
19:02Where will it be found?
19:03The sky, dumbass.
19:08Okay, can I have a little secret little birdie told you?
19:10Yeah, it's nails are fake.
19:14Okay.
19:16Nankeen kestrel.
19:17Nankeen kestrel.
19:18Nankeen?
19:19Oh, you can ask Sam to say it in an Australian accent,
19:21if you like.
19:22Sam, can you say it in an Australian accent?
19:23Nankeen kestrel.
19:26Thanks, man.
19:27Nankeen kestrel.
19:29N-A-N-K-E-E-N-K-E-S-T-R-E-L.
19:37That is correct!
19:40What?!
19:43Well done, Scout!
19:45Three points are yours!
19:47And last but not least, Melanie,
19:50please aim your knocks at the bush.
19:59Oh, she spotted it straight away, mid-tier bird.
20:02Oh, it's an albatross.
20:05Oh, the glorious albatross.
20:07The albatross has a three metre long wingspan.
20:10Or at least that's what he says in his Tinder bio.
20:13Your word is albatross.
20:14Okay, uh, A-L-B-A, as in Jessica, and T-R-O-S-S.
20:26That is correct!
20:29Two points to Mel.
20:31And this next game is going to be a piece of cake.
20:40Idioms.
20:41An expression with a non-literal meaning.
20:43Or what many a driver has yelled at me through a wound-down window.
20:46Get out of the way, you goddamn idiom!
20:49It's always nice to be recognised for my devotion to the English language.
20:54But I'll stop dicking around next to a shrub.
20:57In this minigame, our contestants will be required to come up with a brand new idiom of their own.
21:03The best idiom, as judged by me, will earn its author a bonus point.
21:08While the rest of you will find yourself stranded up a body of water that is largely made up of
21:12untreated sewage.
21:14And you also won't have a means of transporting yourself through the water that prevents you from being covered in
21:19faeces.
21:21You know, there's got to be a fast way to say that.
21:23Alright, contestants, get to it.
21:26And while they work on that, let's hear from tonight's sponsor.
21:29And this week's episode is sponsored by...
21:32The Guy Who Checks Your Seat Belt Before You Go On A Roller Coaster.
21:37Ever been on a loop-de-loop and let out a long series of vowels?
21:41Ah, ee, hoo!
21:44Without The Guy Who Checks Your Seat Belt On The Roller Coaster,
21:47many of these vowel-heavy expletives could end with the dull consonants that soundtrack a body hitting concrete.
21:54Thank you, Guy Who Checks Your Seat Belt Before You Go On A Roller Coaster,
21:57for giving us the space and safety to be ourselves.
22:00And for sponsoring tonight's episode.
22:04Alright, off you go.
22:05Vroom!
22:09Okie dokie, time to call it a day.
22:11Those new idioms should be signed, sealed and delivered.
22:14What's good for the goose is good for the gander,
22:16so let's take a gander of what you've come up with.
22:18Starting with Akmal.
22:19Ok, I think I messed this up, but I got pro bono.
22:23This is people who really like bono from U2.
22:31Thank you very much.
22:33Wow.
22:34So can you tell me, like, how do you apply it as an idiom?
22:37Well, as an idiom, so someone, you know how people attack bono for being an idiot,
22:42and I feel sorry for him, so I'm pro bono.
22:47Look, I got applause, who cares?
22:50I got applause, I don't care, man.
22:53I don't care.
22:54Thank you, Akmal.
22:55Moving on now to Helen.
22:56What have you got for us?
22:57I have...
23:08And what sort of situation would you apply this idiom in?
23:11It's sort of like if someone says, oh, like, we're going to have a good day tomorrow,
23:15people would go, it's a belter, but instead you'd go,
23:16wowsers, trousers, what a wonderful day to pop on your trousers
23:19and have a lovely day in the sun, but hopefully it is not too hot
23:22or pop on shorts, if that is better.
23:25OK, thank you very much, Helen.
23:28Nice, nice.
23:30Couldn't worry. Scout?
23:31Mine is three crimps short of a climbing wall.
23:35Oh, wow.
23:38And an application?
23:40Oh, like, I know this guy, he's a lovely dude, but he's not that bright,
23:44you know, he's three crimps short of a climbing wall.
23:46Yeah, fantastic.
23:47Thank you very much, Scout.
23:51Mel, let's see what you've done.
23:53You can't give an eel a hat and expect it to come back dry.
24:04And?
24:05It's like you can't book Akmal for a show and expect it to go smoothly.
24:11Alright, so everybody, let's get them right back up there
24:13on the front of your podiums.
24:14Well, they're all outstanding contributions to the culture of idioms,
24:18but I've got to say, I think the best one is Mel's.
24:20Congratulations.
24:26I take my wet hat off to you.
24:28Now, spelling these days is a solitary pursuit
24:31where contestants have only their brains and wits for company.
24:34As we've seen time and again on our show, this often leads to embarrassing spelling gaffes,
24:38which has led me to wonder, would some of our contestants be better served by working with a spelling partner?
24:43And who better to spell with than yourself?
24:50And so, Akmal, Helen, Scout and Melanie, please allow me to introduce you to...
24:57Akmal, Scout, Helen and Melanie!
25:00Yay!
25:02Wow!
25:03Take a moment and introduce yourselves to yourselves.
25:05Here's one of mine!
25:24That's right, I've scoured all the casting websites in Australia to secure the services of four perfect and available look
25:31-alikes,
25:32who you will have the honour of spelling with.
25:34In this game, I'll give your spelling pair a word
25:37that contains at least one set of double letters.
25:41For clarity, that is a word that has two
25:43of the same letter consecutively, like the word letter.
25:46How it will work is you will take turns spelling the word
25:49one letter at a time.
25:51If you work well with yourself and spell the word correctly,
25:54you'll be awarded one point and your double will remain.
25:57If you let yourself down and spell the word incorrectly,
25:59your double must leave the studio, but not before you've
26:02given them slash yourself a stern but fair telling off
26:05to inspire greater effort and performance in the future.
26:09And Akmal, I come to you first.
26:11How are you getting on with yourself so far?
26:12I could have used you in court last year.
26:16You would have been so helpful.
26:19So, do you both understand the rules?
26:23Sorry, I wasn't listening to a single word you said.
26:25Yeah, yeah, yeah.
26:26You're doing me really well.
26:28This is crazy!
26:30So, your guys' word that you're going to spell one letter
26:33at a time each is bookkeeper.
26:36Bookkeeper.
26:36Who starts?
26:37You want to start?
26:37B.
26:38O.
26:39O.
26:40K.
26:42Keeper.
26:43Bookkeeper.
26:44K.
26:45E.
26:46E.
26:46T.
26:48E.
26:49O.
26:50S.
26:53Plural!
26:53Plural!
26:54No, no, no.
26:55I'll take that back.
26:56No, no.
26:56I'll take the S back.
26:56Well, you'll be pleased to take it back, because that is correct!
26:59Well done, man.
27:01Well done.
27:01Well done.
27:02Congratulations, Akmal.
27:03The point is yours.
27:04Moving on now to Helen.
27:06What do you reckon?
27:07Are you enjoying getting to know yourself?
27:08I love myself.
27:09A twinning!
27:15That's mental!
27:17I'm having the best time!
27:20It's genuinely fun!
27:22OK, let's see how this dynamic plays out in the form of spelling.
27:27OK, yeah.
27:27We've got this.
27:28Helens, your word is drunkenness.
27:33D.
27:34D.
27:35R.
27:36U.
27:37N.
27:37K.
27:38N.
27:38E.
27:39S.
27:39S.
27:40That is...
27:42Incorrect, I say!
27:45Drunkenness is spelled D-R-U-N-K-E-N-N-E-S.
27:49That's what we said!
27:51No, no, I'm fairly certain that's not what you said.
27:54I'm so sorry.
27:55Helen, too, you must leave the studio immediately.
27:57What?
27:58You can't split them up like that.
28:00I know, I have to.
28:01I know.
28:02But not before you give your own Helen some words of encouragement.
28:05Keep facing the sun and the shadows will always fall behind.
28:15You will get melanoma.
28:17But...
28:19Scout, have you formed a good relationship with yourself?
28:22Yes.
28:22Uh-huh.
28:23Are you two ready to spell?
28:24Yes.
28:25Your word is occurrence.
28:31All right.
28:32I'm so sorry.
28:34No, it's okay, man.
28:35All right.
28:36Deep breath.
28:36Oh, my God.
28:37S...
28:40O...
28:41C...
28:43C...
28:45C...
28:45U...
28:47R...
28:49E...
28:55N...
28:56S...
28:58It's okay, it's okay.
29:02E. Scout, would you like to grade your own spelling?
29:05I think I did OK.
29:10That is sadly incorrect.
29:13O-C-C-U-R-R-E-N-C-E.
29:18No point awarded.
29:19And Scout 2, you must now leave the studio,
29:21but not without some inspiration from your fellow Scout.
29:24Hang in there, buddy. It gets better.
29:34Well, I'm seeing double. Melanise, how are you?
29:37Very well, thanks, Guy.
29:39You've been playing a lot of knitball.
29:41I'm from Dunedin.
29:42I was very active on Tumblr as a teenager.
29:50Are you guys ready to spell?
29:52Yes.
29:53Your word is woollamaloo.
29:59I mean, you're saying, like, I've got this,
30:02but the first letter's the easiest one.
30:04OK, all right, you can start.
30:06W.
30:08O.
30:09I.
30:11L.
30:12O.
30:14I think you might be wrong.
30:17Well, you can't do anything about it, so just keep going.
30:19Trust yourself, Mel.
30:24O.
30:26M.
30:27O.
30:28I.
30:30L.
30:34U.
30:38So, sorry, that is incorrect.
30:41Wollamaloo, of course, spelled W-O-O-L-L-O-O-M-O-O-L-O-O.
30:49Melanise, I'm very sorry, but one of you has to leave the studio immediately.
30:52I'll let you decide which of you it is amongst yourselves.
30:56Oh, get out of here.
30:56Oh, you'll get out of here.
30:58Thanks so much, Meloni.
31:00Something nice, something inspirational.
31:03I'm willing to overlook that you completely f***ed this for me.
31:14Well, I mean, this is crazy.
31:16As we can now see, Akmal obviously has a great relationship with themselves.
31:20Yeah.
31:20As they're still with us.
31:22So now, in the interest of camaraderie and teamwork, I'm going to offer you the opportunity for a bonus point.
31:28As I will task you with the challenge of completing the first ever synchronised spelling.
31:33Yeah.
31:33If at any point in your spelling you say a different letter from one another, you're out.
31:38And your spelling word is Tallahassee.
31:44Tallahassee.
31:45I remember the double letters.
31:46Yeah, yeah.
31:46Thanks.
31:48I remember the T in the beginning.
31:50Yeah.
31:50In your own time.
31:51T.
31:53E.
31:54L.
31:56L.
31:57L.
31:58Oh no, no.
31:59I'll stop you there.
32:00That is incorrect.
32:01I said L.
32:02That was incorrect.
32:02No, you said different letters and you've already got it wrong.
32:05It's done.
32:06It's done.
32:08Tallahassee is spelled T-L-L-A-H-A-S-S-E-E.
32:12please give a huge round of applause for our doubles!
32:17But not too much, lest they get too confident
32:20and try to kill and take the place of their doubles.
32:22And now I hope you all remembered your own identities
32:25before you left the house,
32:27because it's time to spell the audience name.
32:33We are eternally grateful to our studio audience,
32:36not only for their patronage,
32:38but for also constantly assuring me between rounds
32:40that they are laughing with and not at me.
32:43It's now time to repay the favour
32:44by requesting their legal government name on national television.
32:48In this round, contestants each are required to select
32:51a member of the audience who tantalises their spelling taste buds.
32:54Once selected, this audience member must tell you their name
32:57and our contestants must spell it correctly.
33:00To break down this pesky fourth wall between us
33:02as the strongest demolisher in show business,
33:04it's only Sam Campbell!
33:12Contestants, when it is your turn, please direct Sam to the audience member
33:14whose name you would most like to spell.
33:17The audience member will then reveal their first and last name,
33:19both of which you must spell correctly.
33:22Helen, seeing as you're in last place,
33:23you get the benefit of choosing from the widest pool of subjects.
33:26OK.
33:27Sam, if you make your way to the studio floor...
33:35I will go for...
33:36You know, you're making eye contact with me.
33:38The guy with the red shirt and a white top,
33:40and then you just look down and he's got glasses.
33:42Yeah!
33:43Wow!
33:43Woo!
33:49You guys might have a little tit-a-tit?
33:52Oh, how have you been?
33:53Doing well.
33:54What are you doing with yourself?
33:55I'm a lawyer.
33:56I heard there's some interesting work being done in that field.
34:00Absolutely.
34:01Tons of it.
34:02Helen, is there anything you'd like to know?
34:03Yes, I'd love to know your full legal name.
34:07Uh, my name is Gordon Lamb.
34:10Oh!
34:12I literally know both of those,
34:14and I just read a book where one of the names in it was Gordon.
34:17Ready for this?
34:17And you had Lamb for dinner.
34:20Every night!
34:21OK, Gordon, for heaven's sake, you're a G.
34:24I do detect an accent.
34:26LAUGHTER
34:28OK.
34:30G-O-R-D-O-N.
34:34And then we do a space, of course,
34:36and then it's time for your next name,
34:37which is Lamb.
34:38L-A-M-B.
34:41Gordon Lamb.
34:42Nailed it.
34:43Oh, my God!
34:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
34:46Well done, everybody.
34:47Give it up to Gordon Lamb!
34:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
34:54No, it's OK, cos Guy really threw you off with the accent thing,
34:56and you were like, wait, what?
34:57And I was like, no.
34:58That's what guys do?
34:59That's what...
35:00LAUGHTER
35:02LAUGHTER
35:05OK, Scout, you're up next!
35:08Um, the...
35:08I'm a bit of a Scout myself!
35:10LAUGHTER
35:12Hello!
35:13Ha!
35:14Um, could I...
35:15The person in front of you with the cardigan,
35:17on the end of the row.
35:18Cardigan, cardigan.
35:19Oh, yeah, cardigan.
35:20How are you?
35:27How are you?
35:28Yeah, going pretty good.
35:29And would you say that you have a nose ring?
35:31Oh, yeah, I guess I would.
35:34LAUGHTER
35:36She admits it!
35:37Nice.
35:38What do you say to people who get their babies ears pierced?
35:42Wait for consent.
35:43And what do you say to people who chop off dogs' tails?
35:46LAUGHTER
35:49And if he was here right now,
35:50what would you say to Benjamin Netanyahu?
35:53LAUGHTER
35:57It's the earpiece, Scott.
35:58The earpiece.
35:59They're telling me to say this, girl.
36:02Hey, Scout.
36:03The floor is yours.
36:07Hello.
36:07What is your name?
36:08My name is Caitlin Trounce.
36:11LAUGHTER
36:13OK.
36:15Is your name often misspelt?
36:17LAUGHTER
36:18Yeah.
36:19Sometimes.
36:21LAUGHTER
36:21Well, that must fit you with confidence.
36:24K-A-I-T-L-Y-N-T-R-O-U-N-C-E.
36:35That's right.
36:35Yeah!
36:37Let's go!
36:39APPLAUSE
36:40Thank you so much, Caitlin.
36:46APPLAUSE
36:49Melanie, you're up next.
36:51Um, OK.
36:52This person here in the hat looks like they're...
36:55But also, that's terrifying, cos it's like the smile of,
36:58I've got a complicated name.
36:59LAUGHTER
37:00How's it going, dude?
37:01Should I...
37:02Should I get up?
37:03Oh, yeah!
37:04LAUGHTER
37:05Here he comes!
37:06Round of applause!
37:11Sir, may I have permission to go through?
37:13Oh, yeah.
37:19Does it always work, guys?
37:21Sometimes there's a thin layer of fabric.
37:24LAUGHTER
37:24There's not on this one.
37:26LAUGHTER
37:29Mel, you want to get involved in this love fest?
37:31LAUGHTER
37:32Firstly, I'd love to know your name.
37:34My name is Lewis Armstrong.
37:36Oh!
37:37What?!
37:38What?!
37:39Your name is Lewis Armstrong.
37:41OK, here I'm stuck.
37:42OK, uh...
37:44Lewis...
37:46Lewis...
37:47Wow, you're giving this a lot of thought.
37:50Yeah, man.
37:51This is everything to me.
37:53LAUGHTER
37:54OK.
37:56Lewis...
37:56L-O-U-I-S-A-R-M-S-T-R-O-N-G.
38:03I'm so sorry, that's incorrect.
38:04Oh!
38:05Lewis, how do you spell your name?
38:07You spell my name L-E-W-I-S-A-R-O-N-G.
38:10Yeah, because of course you do!
38:12LAUGHTER
38:13Thank you so much, Lewis Armstrong!
38:16CHEERING
38:18You really put yourself through the wringer there.
38:21Yeah, wow, a lot of effort, for not much result.
38:26It's fine.
38:27And that's actually why.
38:28Well, Akmal, the good news is you've got a chance to show her how it's done.
38:31Who would you like to spell?
38:32Uh...
38:33I'm trying to pick an angler, like Smith.
38:36LAUGHTER
38:37Someone put their hand up for Smith.
38:39Yeah, yeah, I'll go...
38:40OK, whoa, whoa, whoa, there he goes.
38:42This guy could be tricking you.
38:44LAUGHTER
38:45Hello, how's it going?
38:46Good, Sam, how are you?
38:47Yeah, good, good, yeah.
38:48Yeah!
38:49That's good.
38:50That was good.
38:51Yeah.
38:53Oh, permission to go through?
38:54I need to go straight.
38:55Oh.
38:55Ah!
38:56LAUGHTER
38:57All right, Sam, I want you to have a go at saying my name.
39:01Oh, wow.
39:0497 street, Redford.
39:05LAUGHTER
39:06OK, this is fascinating.
39:09It's...
39:10Alexander...
39:11Kazarinu.
39:13Shivaniv.
39:14Shivaniv.
39:14Oh, that's lovely.
39:16LAUGHTER
39:20Um...
39:21Can you pronounce it again?
39:23Shivaniv.
39:24Shivaniv.
39:26C...
39:27H...
39:29E...
39:30V...
39:30We can go back for Alexander, it's OK.
39:33Oh, now...
39:35Now my concentration's gone!
39:37I'm sorry.
39:37I was on a roll there, man.
39:39You're breaking my rhythm.
39:40I'm sorry, I'm sorry, bro.
39:41Can you pronounce it one more time?
39:44Shivaniv.
39:45Shivaniv.
39:45C-H...
39:47E...
39:48V...
39:48A...
39:50N...
39:51E...
39:52V...
39:56So, Alexandra is easy.
39:59Well, A-L-E-X-A-N-D-E-R.
40:04Yep.
40:04How did he get on?
40:05OK, so it's C-Z...
40:07C-Z...
40:08E-R...
40:09E-R...
40:10W-A-N...
40:10W-A-N...
40:11I-W.
40:12I-W.
40:13See, if he edited the show now, you could just have me saying it.
40:16You smashed it.
40:17Just edit that bit.
40:18All right, everybody, give it up for Alexander!
40:23I hope our contestants didn't offend our studio audience too much, because they're going
40:27to need your support for our last round.
40:29The Buzz Round.
40:34The Buzz Round, named after my affinity for the Toy Story franchise, as well as the funny
40:40noise those buttons on your podiums make when you press them.
40:43To end this episode...
40:46To end this...
40:49To end this episode, you will select from four categories of words and attempt to spell
40:54as many of the words as you can before time runs out.
40:57Spell a word correctly, you'll add a point to that beautiful podium.
41:00Spell a word incorrectly, you'll be stripped of a point and have to explain to your friends
41:04when this airs why your score went down so much while they were in the toilet.
41:08Selecting your topic will be the lowest scoring contestant so far.
41:12And Helen, I will bestow the honour upon you.
41:15Would you like the list to be?
41:17The elderly.
41:18A little bit of nice.
41:19Animals I could kill.
41:22Or the big city.
41:23I mean, a little bit of nice, I reckon.
41:25Yeah, a little bit of nice, Guy.
41:28Very well.
41:29A little bit of nice, it shall be.
41:31Hands on buzzers, we'll start when I read the first word.
41:35Floral arrangement.
41:37Scound.
41:38F-L-O-R-A-L-A-R-R-A-N-G-E-M-E-N-T.
41:43Correct!
41:44Perfume.
41:46P-E-R-F-U-M-E.
41:50Correct!
41:50Fresh baguette.
41:52Scout.
41:53F-R-E-S-H-B-A-G-U-E-T-T-E.
41:58Correct!
41:59A bath.
42:00Helen.
42:01A-B-A-T-H.
42:03Correct!
42:04Soft hands.
42:06Melanie.
42:07S-O-F-T-H-A-N-D-S.
42:10Correct!
42:11Forehead kiss.
42:13Scout.
42:14F-O-R-E-H-E-A-D-K-I-S-S.
42:18Correct!
42:19Home cooked meal.
42:19Akmal.
42:21H-O-M-E-C-O-O-K-E-D-M-E-A-L.
42:29Correct!
42:30Coronation Street.
42:32Melanie.
42:33C-O-R-O-N-A-T-I-O-N-S-T-R-E-E-T.
42:40Correct!
42:40Silk lingerie.
42:42Go ahead, Scout.
42:44S-I-L-K-L-I-N-G-E-R-I-E.
42:49Correct!
42:50A handwritten note.
42:51Akmal.
42:52A-H-A-N-D-W-R-I-T-E-N-N-O-T-E.
43:00Incorrect.
43:01Vienetta.
43:02Scout.
43:03V-I-E-N-E-T-T-A.
43:06Correct!
43:06Fresh scones.
43:07Melanie.
43:09F-R-E-S-H-S-C-O-N-E-S.
43:13Correct!
43:14Hygge.
43:15H-Y-G-G-E.
43:18Correct!
43:19Cash miss.
43:19Melanie.
43:20That's it.
43:21That's all we've got time for another episode in the pocket and another ticket to next week's
43:26episode handed out.
43:27Please help me in congratulating tonight's winner, it's Scout Boxer!
43:41And give it up for the man who puts the abs in action, Father Sam Campbell!
43:48As you and Scar and White can see, Akmal and Helen, tonight has not been your night.
43:53And we're keen to make that as obvious as possible as you please both make your way to the
43:57Dancer's Corner.
43:58Someone can wear the hat, someone can sit on the stool.
44:03Wait, you want me to sit and then...
44:05Oh, that's sweet!
44:06Yeah.
44:07You can sit on my lap if you want.
44:08I like that.
44:15That's all we've got in the tank.
44:17One more round of applause for tonight's contestant, Akmal!
44:20Have a now one!
44:22Scout Boxer and Melody Bracewell.
44:24We'll see you next week when we put Scout Boxer on the pen with David O'Dockney,
44:29Rose Butterfield and Tim McDonald.
44:31Have a good night.
44:31And for now you can call me Jojo Montgomery because I don't believe in towels.
44:35Goodnight!
44:37Wow!
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