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00:00MUSIC
00:23Good evening, I hope it was you.
00:25Please allow the camera to settle and the applause to die down
00:28as I welcome you to the beginning of another adventure
00:31through language and letters.
00:33My name is Guy Montgomery and this is my Guymon spelling bee.
00:36And tonight's episode, oh, easy now,
00:39promises to be one for the books,
00:41by which of course I mean one for the screen
00:43on which you're watching our show.
00:45What will happen on the show?
00:46Well, if you're a fan of four comedians
00:48competitively spelling different words,
00:50you're in for a treat.
00:51Whoever navigates the whims and whimsies of the English language
00:54with the greatest care will win themselves this!
00:57Whoa!
00:59An enormous ticket!
01:01Grinding them access to our next episode.
01:04It's not all good news though,
01:07as the speller who falls prey to the pitfalls and problems
01:10posed by this evening's perfectly picked words
01:13will have to sit in a dunce's corner
01:15while wearing their titular hat.
01:20Who would place themselves in such a precarious position?
01:22Well, let's find out.
01:24Please welcome...
01:25Frank Woodley!
01:27CHEERING
01:28Shabana Z!
01:29CHEERING
01:30Sarah Kiwa!
01:33CHEERING
01:33And our defending champion, it's Phil Wang!
01:36CHEERING
01:37Now let's get spelling!
01:40CHEERING
01:44First up, of course, is this spelling round.
01:47As you can see, three receptacles sit atop my podium,
01:50each of them beckoning you with the promise of potential.
01:53The Coward's Cup commits you to a word so simple
01:56you will breeze through it from start to finish
01:58and land yourself one point for your effort.
02:00The Person's Purse pledges you a word so medium in difficulty
02:03that you will pause to think before possibly spelling it correctly,
02:07and if you manage to do so, you'll be rewarded with two points.
02:10The Bucket of Bravery betrothes you to a word so challenging to spell
02:14you will almost definitely make an absolute meal of it
02:17and start the episode with an immediate sense of regret.
02:20Prove me wrong and spell it correctly, however,
02:23and you start the episode with a healthy three points.
02:25Spelling first this evening as a Perrier Award winner
02:28and member of Double Act, Laino & Woodley,
02:30although I'm not telling you which one,
02:31please welcome Australian comedy legend Frank Woodley!
02:36Oh, Frank!
02:38Nice to see you. How are you going?
02:40I'm good, I'm good.
02:41It's an honour to have you with us.
02:42I'm an enormous fan, as I've told you in private before,
02:45but why not put it on the public record?
02:47I wish you'd had some clothes on when you were telling me that.
02:51Look, now you come into my dressing room,
02:52you know, when I say,
02:53don't come in here, don't come in here,
02:54what do you expect?
02:56No, Frank, how are you with language?
02:59Well, I'm speaking is when do, fine.
03:01Yeah.
03:02And then what about when spelling?
03:05Spelling good, no, isn't.
03:07No, I'm an atrocious speller.
03:09I choose to believe that it doesn't reflect some sort of innate...
03:13You know, it's not an ethical issue, I choose to believe.
03:17Well, Frank, it's a delight to have you with us on the show this evening.
03:20Which receptacle would you like to spell from?
03:22Oh, look, I think I should at least live a little dangerously.
03:25OK.
03:25So I'll go for the person's purse.
03:27Very well, from the person's purse.
03:28Oh, yeah?
03:31From the person's purse, Frank, your word is champagne.
03:36Now, before you spell, I hasten to remind you,
03:38you can always ask for a language of origin, a definition,
03:40or to hear the word in a sentence.
03:42Could I ask for the word in a sentence, please?
03:45No champagne for us. Your cheapest salve will be fine.
03:48I waved off the waiter and looked at my date.
03:51Don't worry, I know a hack.
03:53I winked, lowering my straw into her wine glass
03:56and blowing as hard as I possibly could.
03:59I'm seeing in my mind Champagne.
04:02So I'm going to go with C-H-A-M-P-A-G-N-E.
04:08That is correct!
04:10Frank, on the board with a two-syllable word,
04:13two points are yours.
04:15And our second speller left a stressful world of comedy performance
04:18to playing a medical student on HBO Max's The Pit.
04:21Will you please welcome Shibana Aziz!
04:27Shibana, thank you so much for coming on the show.
04:29How are you?
04:30I'm great.
04:31Nice, yeah, you seem really relaxed.
04:35You were a long-time member of a double act,
04:37a comedy act called The Coconuts, for six years, I understand.
04:40I didn't mean to ever do comedy.
04:42Oh, yeah?
04:43I hated it.
04:44No, I loved it. Congrats.
04:48I think it's a humiliation ritual to go on stage.
04:51Sorry.
04:52It is now.
04:55Well, it's just you've got to go on stage all alone
04:57and be like, do you guys think I'm funny?
04:59Do you guys think I'm funny? It's horrible.
05:01Yeah.
05:01And then if they do think you're funny,
05:02it's not even joyful anymore, it's just relief.
05:05You know?
05:06Yeah, yeah, yeah.
05:09Yeah, when you put it like that,
05:10it is all of those things, isn't it?
05:13Yeah.
05:15Except if you did it...
05:23That's how you did it for six years, though.
05:25It really spiralled out of control, you know,
05:27queer and women of colour.
05:29So it's like, if you've got a line-up of comedians
05:31and you've got to fix a little optics situation real fast,
05:35trap the coconuts in, right?
05:36And so we worked a lot.
05:39Well, you're part of the ensemble
05:40on the Emmy award-winning drama The Pit.
05:43Well, guess what?
05:43This show also has an Emmy.
05:45M.E. Guy Montgomery.
05:49Very good.
05:50So obviously, you know, you found comedy wasn't to your liking,
05:53which is a crazy thing to find out when you're on the comedy show,
05:56but, uh, what about spelling?
05:58How are you with spelling?
06:00Uh...
06:01I... I... I...
06:02Come on, don't tell me you also don't like spelling.
06:05No, no.
06:06The thing is, I think I can spell,
06:08but it's been so long since I've been tested in that arena,
06:11so I don't want to come in all braggadocious
06:13and then fumble on the cup, you know what I'm saying?
06:14Of course.
06:15But anyone who does use the word braggadocious in a sentence
06:17is kind of showing off.
06:20Well, Siobhan, it's a joy to have you with us.
06:22Which receptacle would you like to spell from?
06:23I'm going to follow in the footsteps of the great Frank Woodley
06:26and go person's purse.
06:27OK.
06:29From the person's purse, your word is...
06:33Jeopardy.
06:33Oh, yeah?
06:35Can I have that in a sentence?
06:37A crusty tart known for being bottom-heavy.
06:39Uh, what is my wife?
06:42As soon as the words left my lips,
06:44I knew it wasn't just my 38-episode winning streak on Jeopardy
06:47I'd put in Jeopardy.
06:48I mean...
06:51Very good.
06:54Jeopardy.
06:54J-E-A-P-A-R-D-Y.
06:59That is incorrect.
07:01I'm so sorry, Siobhan.
07:02No way!
07:02Yeah, Jeopardy is spelled J-E-O-P-A-R-D-Y.
07:07Thank you so much.
07:08I'm sorry.
07:09No points awarded.
07:10And our next contestant is an award-winning comedian
07:13all the way from the United Kingdom.
07:14Will you please welcome Sarah Kiwa?
07:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:19Sarah.
07:20Hi, Guy.
07:21Hi, Sarah.
07:22How are you?
07:23That is so nice of you to ask.
07:25I'm having a really good time.
07:26I was plunged into a minor existential crisis
07:28by Siobhan's relationship to comedy.
07:31But I'm back, baby.
07:34Yeah, I felt that too.
07:35It was the word horrible that really got me.
07:37Yeah.
07:38How you were spelling.
07:41Don't know why.
07:42Well, I tell you, the reason I thought this show was a good idea
07:45is I remembered being good at spelling as a boy.
07:47There was a guy I used to copy from an English class.
07:50I'd copy his answers.
07:51And we were doing a spelling test.
07:52In the spelling test, the word was vehicle.
07:54And I saw him spelling it wrong.
07:56And I was like, have I been copying someone more stupid than me?
08:02And, you know, now we find ourselves here.
08:04Pretty good.
08:05I bet you were a terrifying child.
08:09I was actually very sweet.
08:10I was a sweet boy.
08:11Ah, yeah.
08:12How tall?
08:16Is this why you were doing a pilot for your interview show?
08:20Trying to get in your head.
08:21Maybe you'll forget how to spell.
08:23I don't have to.
08:24It's all written down here.
08:26Maybe you'll forget how to read.
08:29No, it says here.
08:30Sir, you recently finished touring an hour of crowd work.
08:33Did you come across any, you know, memorable Australian audience members?
08:37I learnt that you'd call Traffic Cone's witch's hat.
08:41I'm not from here.
08:45Probably do.
08:46You're from New Zealand.
08:47What do you call Traffic Cone's?
08:48Traffic Cone's.
08:53Anyway, LGBT, ADHD, save some letters for the rest of us, Sarah.
09:01Oh, a horrifying child.
09:05Sarah, this could go all night.
09:07Now, which receptacle would you like to spell from?
09:09Cut me guy.
09:10You got it.
09:11And now I'll decide.
09:15From the Coward's Cup?
09:16Yes, please.
09:17A fine choice.
09:20From the Coward's Cup, your word is tablet.
09:23Tablet.
09:24Now, before you spell, we did write jokes.
09:28Say, guy, I don't suppose you have the language of origin.
09:33The mouth.
09:34And occasionally, the arsehole.
09:40Say, guy, I don't suppose you have the definition.
09:43Do you hate me?
09:46No, I'm just trying to get some rapport going.
09:50Technology tasked with raising children while they are at restaurants.
09:57Tablet.
09:57Tablet.
09:58T-A-B-L-E-T.
10:01That is correct!
10:04The point is yours.
10:05And finally this evening, welcome back your reigning champions, Phil Wang!
10:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
10:15Phil, that was a hell of a show you put on in episode one.
10:18Oh, thank you.
10:19How did it feel to be spelling out there like that?
10:20Oh man, I was just in flow state, I think is what they call it.
10:25The whole world receded and all I saw were letters.
10:28A red mist of vowels and consonants.
10:32It was orgasmic.
10:34Yeah, yeah.
10:34I found my true form, my final form.
10:37I was the B.
10:44It was like watching someone shred on Guitar Hero.
10:47I could see them coming down.
10:51You know, obviously, we know your relationship with spelling.
10:54You're a confident man.
10:55Which receptacle would you like to spell?
10:56Give me the bucket!
10:58OK!
10:59CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
11:05From the Bucket of Bravery...
11:06Yeah.
11:07Your word is...
11:11Well, that technique is really back-fiving-ges-st on me.
11:18Could you give me a definition, please?
11:21A German word meaning a face begging to be slapped.
11:25In fact, the Australian equivalent is Kyle Sanderlunds.
11:32Back-fiving-ges-st...
11:35Back-fiving-ges-st.
11:36B-A-C-H-F-E-I-F-F-E-N-G-E-S-I-C-H-T.
12:07A noble effort, but no points awarded. Sorry, Phil.
12:10And now you've all had a chance to spell. Let's take a look at the leaderboard.
12:14And Siobhan and Phil anchored to the bottom on zero, Sarah on one, and out in front on two points
12:19is Frank Woodley!
12:21I'm going to enjoy my life!
12:23And before we launch into our next segment, I just have one question.
12:27Did you pack that bag yourself?
12:33Border Patrol. The only people who hate apples more than doctors.
12:37To the border security agent at Darwin Airport, I hope you remember me.
12:41Yeah, I'm the guy who drank two jars of jam rather than hand them over to you.
12:45And guess what? You were right. I did get a sore tummy.
12:50I have nothing but the utmost respect for our border security agents
12:54and the hard work they do keeping the nation of Australia safe from fruit and woven baskets.
12:59You might not always agree with them, but they're just doing their job.
13:02So please give a very warm welcome to one of the best, it's border security agent Sam Campbell!
13:12How are you, mate? Yeah.
13:13Yeah, I'm good. How are you?
13:16I swear I know you.
13:19We've met before. No, I don't think...
13:21We have met before.
13:23Oh, I never forget a face, I never forget a suitcase.
13:27No, no, when...
13:282019, October.
13:31I used to work at Alice Springs Airport.
13:33You flew in to climb Uluru before they banned it.
13:37No, no, no.
13:38No, no, no. You got the wrong guy.
13:41Bag full of carabiners and boots and shorts.
13:42Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
13:45Well, it's good to have you here, man.
13:47In this round, Sam will scan your suitcases for contraband, illegal to bring into the nation of Australia.
13:52Once you've screened your bag, you'll spell a word pertaining to whatever may be found inside.
13:57Spell the word right, you earn yourself a point, and Sam will turn a blind eye as you smuggle your
14:01item into the country.
14:03Spell the word wrong, however, and you'll be taken to the interrogation room.
14:08Yeah, ooh.
14:09Hold on a second, hold on a second, folks, we've got something here.
14:14Oh.
14:15Oh, nice, look at this, it's Sarah Keyworth.
14:19Ah.
14:19I'd love you to step over.
14:21Yeah, that's one of mine.
14:24Can I ask you, do you pack this bag yourself?
14:26Oh, yeah, yeah.
14:27Yeah, always do.
14:29Mind if I take a look inside?
14:30Of me?
14:31The bag.
14:34The bag.
14:34Oh, yeah, you already got the gloves on.
14:36Okay, what have we got here?
14:38I love zips.
14:39Used to practice on a pencil case when I was a kid.
14:42Sarah, that is a lot of cash.
14:45Oh, no, man.
14:46Look at all that devil's lettuce.
14:47Yeah.
14:49Yeah, that's right, you've spotted Kareli in this bag.
14:51It looks like a million dollars cash.
14:53Yeah.
14:53And Sarah, you didn't declare it.
14:55Man alive.
14:56Let's just hope those bills are untraceable and haven't been marked with any fluorescent powder.
15:01Your spelling word is fluorescent powder.
15:05Fluorescent powder.
15:06Yeah.
15:06F-L-O-U-R-E-S-A-N-T-P-O-W-D-E-R.
15:23That is incorrect.
15:25I'm sorry.
15:26Fluorescent powder spelled F-L-U-O-R-E-S-C-E-N-T-P-O-W-D-E-R.
15:32I'm afraid you're going to have to go to the interrogation room.
15:35Feel free to take a seat, Sarah.
15:45I'd love to ask what the purpose of your visit is.
15:47What are you doing here in Australia?
15:49Uh, I got a job interview.
15:51Oh, yeah?
15:52Yeah, nice.
15:54Yeah.
15:54Nice.
15:54Where's that at?
15:56I got an interview to be an emotional support companion for a woman called Jackie O.
16:01Oh, my God.
16:03Oh, my God.
16:05Yeah.
16:05Um, Sarah, I'd love to ask, are you getting up to anything in your free time?
16:10Yeah.
16:11Yeah.
16:12I'd like to go out with my friends.
16:14Oh.
16:14Yeah.
16:15Where do you go?
16:17The local pool.
16:19Oh, God.
16:20Yeah, we go swimming.
16:22Yeah, yeah.
16:23It's so fun going with a group, isn't it?
16:25Yeah.
16:26Yeah, yeah.
16:27Yeah.
16:28Do they have, like, limits when you go to the pool?
16:29Like, how many people are allowed to swim as a group?
16:31Like, how does that work, even?
16:33Well, you and I could find out sometime.
16:36You are free to go!
16:38Oh, wow.
16:40Sarah Kiwak, you buy yourself something nice, eh?
16:42Yeah, yeah, yeah.
16:44Yeah, yeah, yeah.
16:48I'm so sorry.
16:50I'm so...
16:51I'm sorry.
16:52God, I'm so...
16:53I'm so sorry.
16:57Congratulations, Sarah.
16:58No point for the spelling.
17:00What comes next?
17:01All right, let's see what this next sicko has packed.
17:04OK.
17:09Care to join me?
17:10Oh, oh, yeah.
17:12Yes.
17:14OK.
17:16Did you pack this yourself?
17:17Yes, I did pack this.
17:18You did pack this yourself.
17:18Yeah.
17:19Mind if I take a peek?
17:21Of course.
17:21OK, here we go.
17:23Oh.
17:23I love zippers.
17:25I'd love to go on the zipline.
17:27I love to zipline.
17:28Yeah, it's great.
17:30We have a lot in common.
17:30Oh.
17:32Right on.
17:34Well, what do we have here in the front pouch?
17:37Hold on a second.
17:38Oh, my goodness.
17:40OK.
17:43Uh-oh.
17:44Looks like someone sent a Chappelle Corby,
17:46which I know all about after reading her tell-all autobiography.
17:49Blame it on the boogie.
17:53But hang on.
17:53I'm not seeing a receipt.
17:55I'm not seeing a receipt either, and the sticker's still on it.
17:58You didn't pay for this?
17:59You couldn't cough up $2.99 for something Chappelle put her heart and soul into?
18:03I can't believe you didn't heed the lessons contained in between those pages and are now book trafficking.
18:10Your spelling word is book trafficking.
18:13Wow.
18:14I'm going to say book trafficking.
18:17B-O-O-K.
18:19T-R-A-F-F-I-C-K-I-N-G.
18:22That is correct!
18:26Congratulations on successful spelling.
18:28You are free to go!
18:32Alright.
18:34Congratulations, Shibana, and a point for your troubles.
18:37Let's go!
18:38Come on, here we go, that's another round.
18:41Oh, goodness.
18:43Phil Wang.
18:44Oh, yeah.
18:45What have we got here?
18:46Oh, thank you.
18:49Hey.
18:49Hey, sorry about that.
18:51Sorry.
18:52Yeah.
18:53You packed this yourself, Matt?
18:54Yes.
18:55Yes, sir.
18:55Yeah, yeah.
18:56You did, didn't you?
18:56Mind if I take a look inside?
18:57Please, have at it.
19:04Phil Wang.
19:07Look at that.
19:08Oh, this is, this is too much.
19:15You've got, what, you must have about 50 marital aides in there, and they're all completely soiled.
19:20And I don't mean pre-used, I mean caked in dirt.
19:24I could give two hoots about the fiddlers, but you can't be bringing the soil into the country.
19:28You know, what are you studying?
19:30Ediphology?
19:33Your word is ediphology.
19:37Ediphology.
19:37I'm going to say, E, D, and now we get spicy.
19:46Y.
19:47Ooh.
19:50P, H represent.
19:52O, L, O, G, Y.
19:54That is incorrect.
19:57I'm sorry.
19:58Ediphology is spelled E, D, A, P, H, O, L, O, G, Y.
20:02And now you must take a trip to the interrogation room.
20:06Take a seat, Phil.
20:12What brings you to Australia, Phil?
20:14Um, just tourists.
20:16Ooh, really?
20:18Yeah.
20:19Oh, yeah, bit of sightseeing?
20:20Mm-hmm.
20:21What are you going to get up to?
20:23I was thinking I would go see the Sydney Harbour Bridge.
20:29Can I admit something to you?
20:31I have always wanted to see the Sydney Harbour Bridge.
20:36Oh, that sounds like such a blast.
20:39Oh, solo trip?
20:41Uh, for now.
20:43Oh, yeah.
20:44Oh, yeah.
20:44Maybe I'll meet someone at the bridge.
20:46Oh, OK.
20:47Or you could take someone at the bridge.
20:50And we could get a photo together.
20:52Oh, um, sure.
20:54I mean, if you really want to, we could go to the bridge.
20:58Phil Wang, you are free to go.
20:59Oh, yes.
21:01Please do not drop these.
21:04Thank you so much.
21:05Oh.
21:08Alright, well, Phil, no point awarded,
21:11but congratulations on smuggling the bag and you freak.
21:15Anything else left, Sam?
21:17I'm going to assume this next one belongs to the, uh,
21:20curly-haired fellow over here.
21:27Mind if I take a look inside, Frank?
21:30Like, how much power do I have in this situation in terms of saying
21:33no, I'd prefer to just leave?
21:35So little.
21:37OK, then go right ahead.
21:39OK.
21:40Zips are amazing, aren't they?
21:42There's a documentary...
21:43Oh!
21:43Oh, my God!
21:48Are we all getting mild yet?
21:58I can't believe it!
22:01I can't believe it.
22:03I can't believe it.
22:06Tucked into your bag was a contortionist.
22:08Here for some undocumented fun and sun on the Gold Coast.
22:12And you can understand why, too,
22:13as they originally hailed from Iceland's port town of Korbavgård.
22:17Korbavgård.
22:19Your spelling word is Korbavgård.
22:23I got a job once as a contortionist, but I couldn't get into it.
22:28Um...
22:29What was my word?
22:36That...
22:39That was a thrill, huh?
22:40Yeah.
22:41What was it?
22:42Korbavgård.
22:43I'm going to go with X, Y, Z, T, I, P, H, V, V, V, V,
22:49six more Vs, and then I'm going to end off with an asterix.
22:54That is incorrect.
22:58Korbavgård, of course, spelt K-O-P-A-V-O-G-U-R.
23:02I'm sorry, Frank.
23:03You're in the interrogation room, buddy.
23:05Over you go.
23:06Feel free to take a seat, Frank.
23:07Okay.
23:16So, uh, Frank.
23:18It's my understanding you do a bit of physical stuff, yeah?
23:21Don't we all do at least a bit?
23:24We'd love to try and see you go in the suitcase.
23:27Okay, yeah, sure.
23:28All right.
23:29All right.
23:31Okay, so get in here.
23:33She was in here, wasn't she?
23:35Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:37For ages.
23:43Um, okay, there's got to, um...
23:47Let's go with this.
23:54Greg Woodley, you are free to go.
23:59Do I get to take the contortionist?
24:01Oh, the contortionist herself?
24:03Yeah.
24:03No, you've...
24:03Frank, you've got to stop human trafficking.
24:06LAUGHTER
24:09All right, well done, Frank.
24:10No point awarded.
24:11And I'd like to declare that round was a roaring success!
24:15All the more so thanks to the diligent and professional
24:17welcome, Officer Campbell!
24:19CHEERING
24:21Yeah.
24:22I'm enjoying all this.
24:24You contestants are all right.
24:25Matter of fact, I'd even say, you're just my type.
24:33Typesetting is the ancient art of having an opinion
24:35about what fonts look good.
24:37From Comic Sans to Times New Roman, Windings to Helvetica,
24:41fonts don't just help us read, but also help tell the world
24:44about who we are.
24:46And yet, there still isn't one that speaks directly to my soul.
24:49Contestants, in this minigame, you will invent, name,
24:53and demonstrate a new font by writing the title of that font
24:57in the font.
25:00LAUGHTER
25:02And while they work on that, let's hear from tonight's sponsor.
25:07Tonight's episode is brought to you by...
25:09The letter Y!
25:10Oh, yeah!
25:13Once only famous for its work tidying up the ends of words
25:16as seen in happy, snappy and crappy, Y is ready for its next challenge.
25:21That's right, those big-time perma-vowels
25:24have had it too good for too long.
25:26Any time Y wanted to work on a word, they'd have to get on the blower
25:30and say, hey, A, E, I, O, U.
25:33Anyone want to collab and make a word?
25:36Oh, sorry, Y, we're busy.
25:38Well, guess what?
25:39Thanks to its hard work and dedication at the gym,
25:43Y can now work with consonants to make entire words.
25:46No additional vowels required.
25:49Y is creating its own myths, finding its own rhythm.
25:52So here's to you, the letter Y.
25:55Who said letters can't be bisexual?
25:59All right, my suite of graphic designers, pens down, pads up.
26:05That's the way we like to judge our minigames.
26:08Let's have a look at what they've come up with.
26:09Frank, starting with you, what is your new font name and style?
26:13OK, well, the name is Camatustro.
26:17And it's basically, its main quality is that it starts really big
26:23and then you realise, come out too strong and you run out of space.
26:30Yeah, wow.
26:32Camatustro.
26:33Camatustro.
26:33Lovely stuff, Frank, thank you.
26:35Shibana, what have you got for us?
26:37I thought I'd appeal to your vanity and I came up with guipface,
26:44but then I decided to spell it stupid.
26:48Guipface.
26:49And so there's no sort of consistency between the lettering
26:52that just comes out as it comes out?
26:53That's your choice, man, it's your font.
26:56Thank you very much, Shibana.
26:59Sarah, what have you got?
27:02Sarah, how are you?
27:03I'm all...
27:05I'm all right.
27:07This font is called noses.
27:13And it's just noses.
27:22OK, I think that's pretty self-explanatory.
27:27I don't really know what happened.
27:30I thought they were like...
27:32Yeah, I know, yeah.
27:33I thought they were bums from behind.
27:34Yeah, I know what you all thought.
27:37But they're noses.
27:39Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think we get noses.
27:42Finally, Phil, what have you done for us?
27:45Oh, this is one I've been working on for a while.
27:47It's called Wangamond.
27:50And it's like, it's quite like a normal font,
27:53but it's got a little W attached to every serif.
27:55Oh.
27:57Yeah.
27:57Oh, wow.
28:00All right, so let's get all the fonts in front of us again.
28:04Well, I've got to say, there's some strong contenders,
28:08but I think for fun and functionality
28:10in the spirit of a dingbat font like Wingdings,
28:13I'm going to have to award it to Sarah Keyworth for noses.
28:17Congratulations.
28:18The bonus point is yours.
28:22It's not all good news, though.
28:24If you've been to a park recently, you'll be familiar with the enforced famine
28:28faced by everyday birds.
28:30Everywhere you turn, a hungry bird.
28:32And everywhere else you turn, a sign telling you not to feed it.
28:36Well, not today.
28:43That's right, today we will be feeding the birds.
28:46And what lovely birds they are!
28:53How are you, my flying feathered friends?
28:56Everyone's feeling good?
29:00Quack? Quack?
29:01You can still use the Faculty of Language if you say cheers.
29:05I've always found it weird that birds,
29:06they always seem very nervous when they're standing still.
29:10But when they start to walk, they just get really cool.
29:19Perfect stuff.
29:20Well, a fancy show business host such as myself has no business feeding you.
29:24But thankfully, transplanted from a nearby park,
29:26we've found just the person.
29:27Would you please welcome to the studio,
29:29The Bird Lady!
29:34Though her words are simple and few,
29:37she's very forthcoming with her seed and bread.
29:40We are lucky to have her in the studio,
29:41so don't be afraid to show her gratitude.
29:45In this round, you'll work in pairs.
29:48Frank and Shabana, you are on one team.
29:50Sarah and Phil, you are on the other.
29:52Once the Bird Lady starts scattering her seed and bread,
29:55you'll all head down to the studio floor
29:57to retrieve your delicious food.
30:01Once you have your hands full,
30:03bring your food back to your podiums
30:04and you must use the combined power of your bird brains
30:07to correctly spell the word ornithologist.
30:09The first team to correctly spell ornithologist
30:13will earn themselves two points apiece.
30:17And before you get started,
30:18pigeons may only retrieve and handle seed.
30:20Ducks may only retrieve and handle bread.
30:24Bird Lady, prepare to do your thing.
30:27What season of this show is this?
30:31What would your guess be?
30:33It feels like it's only...
30:35Is this season three?
30:36Are you worried that we're here at this point already?
30:40I'm not going to take shit talk from a pigeon.
30:45Bird Lady, do your thing.
30:47Birds, prepare to retrieve the seed of bread.
30:51Jesus Christ.
30:52That's a seed.
30:54No, you kept against seed.
30:56What's that? What is that?
30:59Pigeons on the seed,
31:00ducks on the bread.
31:02Thank you, Bird Lady.
31:04Thank you, Bird Lady.
31:07Thank you, Bird Lady.
31:09Oh, wow!
31:10Thank you, Bird Lady.
31:12You know, when we first put these on,
31:14I was worried this was going to be undignified.
31:20Are we out of...
31:21Oh, when are we going on that?
31:24Oh, when are we going on that?
31:25Oh, when are we going on that?
31:26Oh, when are we going on that?
31:26It's...
31:27We did an inch.
31:29We have riddles.
31:31Oh, no, you can't handle that.
31:33Oh, no, you can't handle that.
31:38Ornithologist.
31:39That is not correct.
31:41What do you think has gone wrong?
31:42Okay, that's...
31:45It could be...
31:48Ornithologist.
31:49Ornithologist.
31:50That doesn't look right.
31:51I can't handle that.
31:54It's got to be this one, right?
31:55Oh, here we go.
31:57That is correct!
31:59Congratulations!
32:02Thank you, Bird Lady.
32:04We've had that for about 15 minutes.
32:07No, I've been keeping an eagle eye on you and you had an...
32:10Ornithologist.
32:11And then Shibana started running around with a W for no apparent reason.
32:16Well, congratulations to Sarah and Phil.
32:18You've earned yourself two points apiece!
32:24Oh, Guy.
32:28Oh, my God!
32:33Sam Campbell, you were the Bird Lady all along?
32:36No, Guy.
32:37We were all the Bird Lady.
32:39LAUGHTER
32:40That's right.
32:41It is me, famed millionaire philanthropist Sam Campbell.
32:44I was posing as the Bird Lady to test the kindness of our contestants.
32:48Sort of undercover boss style.
32:50With an avian twist.
32:52And what did you learn?
32:53Oh, I learned a lot.
32:55I learned so much.
32:56In fact, I have a bonus point to award.
32:58One contestant thanked me twice.
33:01Phil Wang.
33:02It was Sarah Keyworth who thanked me, I think, about nine times.
33:05LAUGHTER
33:06Never super enthusiastically, but I appreciated it.
33:09Congratulations, Sarah!
33:11A bonus point for your gratitude!
33:14And so, with our third round in the can, we've got Sarah out in front on five points!
33:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
33:25Sorry.
33:28I've got to take this.
33:32Hello?
33:32Oh, yes.
33:34Certainly, Prime Minister.
33:40I've just received orders from up top that we now must play the homophone round.
33:44If you're not familiar, allow me to explain in ten words or less.
33:47Some words sound same, but spelled different.
33:50With three words to spell, no less.
33:52I'm going to give you a word to spell.
33:55You're going to spell the word.
33:56If you're confused in any way, you're welcome to ask for the word in a sentence.
33:59And we're starting with Shabana.
34:02Why?
34:04Because you are currently in last place.
34:06Oh, no.
34:08Your word is euthanasia.
34:13Euthanasia?
34:14What if I had it in a sentence?
34:15No, honey.
34:17I support euthanasia.
34:18Not euthanasia, I said to my wife, as into our home came our four newly adopted children.
34:24Jiho, Yijun, Yujin and Minji.
34:32Euthanasia.
34:33Euthanasia.
34:34E-U-T-H-A-N-A-S-I-A.
34:40That is correct!
34:44You spelled euthanasia, as in the intentional ending of another's life to alleviate suffering, as opposed to euthanasia, people who
34:51would most likely be doing much better than all of you on the show.
34:56And up next we have Phil Wang. Phil, are you ready for your word?
35:00Yeah.
35:01Well, your word is holy.
35:03Okay, holy.
35:05Would you like to hear it in a sentence?
35:06Yes, I'd love to hear it in a sentence, please, in a way that ideally clarifies things.
35:12And you really want to go this hard for Halloween? I asked my friend Keith while holding a nail to
35:17the middle of his palm and raising my hammer.
35:21You don't even know the guy's name!
35:24Who needs the name with a costume this good? I am wholly committed to being the holy holy guy.
35:36I thought I was going to help, but it just introduced the third one.
35:42Can you say it one more time? Just you saying it.
35:45Holy.
35:49I reckon that was H-O-L-Y.
35:52Is that your spelling? Yeah.
35:54That is incorrect!
35:56I'm sorry, Phil. You spelled holy, as in sacred, like the Herbie movie franchise.
36:02I was looking for holy, as in something with a lot of holes in it.
36:06Like the plot of the 2005 Lindsay Lohan film Herbie Fully Loaded.
36:10Of course, there was also wholly, as in fully, like how loaded Herbie was in the sixth and final instalment
36:16of the Herbie franchise.
36:18No point awarded, I am sorry.
36:21Well, Frank Woodley, you're up next. How are you feeling? You ready for this?
36:25Yeah.
36:26You got a great outlook, man.
36:29Your word is sent.
36:31I'd like to hear that in a sentence, please.
36:33On day 139 in the trenches, I'm embarrassed to confess I started feeling sorry for myself.
36:39Until my commanding officer alerted me to the arrival of a letter addressed to me.
36:43The looping, swooping cursive immediately told me this was a missive from my love back home.
36:48While the stamp on the front informed me it had cost her a tuppence.
36:52That's expensive, I thought.
36:54Enclosed in the envelope were words of love and affirmation all brought together with a single unmistakable spray of her
36:59perfume.
37:01So roused and aroused was I that I immediately rode back in kind.
37:05I drew a picture of us together as stick figures and gave her massive tits.
37:11I drowned the whole thing in Link's body spray and mailed it back home for a penny.
37:15That'll do nicely, I thought to myself, as I sent my scent for a scent.
37:18No.
37:23So, okay.
37:26So I'm going to go with, well, what am I going to go with?
37:30How do you do this?
37:34Shall I combine all of them?
37:36Well, that's what I'm going to do.
37:37I'm going to go with the smell one because it has all the spellings in it.
37:42So I'm going to go with S-C-E-N-T.
37:47That is incorrect.
37:49I'm sorry, Frank, you spelled scent as in something one can sniff.
37:53Like the chance to make a joke.
37:54As opposed to scent, a unit of money that old people love to tell you used to mean something.
38:00There was also, of course, on the table scent as in to your room when you embarrass your parents by
38:04misspelling a word on your big TV appearance.
38:08No point awarded, I'm sorry, Frank.
38:11And finally, Sarah.
38:13Hi, Guy.
38:13Clubhouse leader, how are you going?
38:15Yeah.
38:17You've got a healthy lead there.
38:18I certainly have.
38:20And it's not lost on me that I'm flying to London tomorrow, so...
38:27Well, let's see how you do.
38:30Your word is four beers.
38:36Please, can I have it in a sentence, Guy?
38:39The curious third-generation cub put down one of his many drinks and looked up to his father.
38:49Watch me land this plane.
38:53So you're telling me my forebears are forebears?
38:57That's right.
38:58Now stop drinking those forebears.
39:00Those aren't forebears.
39:07It's more of a guessing show, isn't it?
39:11What, in parts?
39:13F-O-U-R-B-E-A-R-S.
39:19That is incorrect.
39:21I'm sorry, you spelled forebears as in a quantity of an animal.
39:24Ah.
39:25We were looking for forebears, as in a quantity of liquid.
39:28Also on the table, forebears, an old dead person, all forebears.
39:32Something expressly intended for more than one carnivorine mammal of the Ursidae family.
39:36No point.
39:38Sorry, sorry, the correct answer was four beers.
39:49You Kiwi f*****.
39:52Well, I won't lie, I spent one beautiful sun-soaked afternoon in February cooking those up, and if I had
39:57my time again, I wouldn't change a damn thing.
40:01And neither would Sarah, as they're currently out in front on five points!
40:07Let's not get out too far in front of our skis, though, as there's one round left, and it's the
40:12big one.
40:17Sorry, it's not called the big one, it's called the buzz round.
40:20How does it work?
40:21Well, this round will take place at a thus far unfamiliar pace to you all.
40:25I'm going to read spelling words to you from a list.
40:27If you want to try and spell, press your buzzer and have a crack.
40:30A correct spelling is worth one point.
40:32An incorrect spelling is worth negative one point.
40:35You will start spelling upon my first word and stop spelling when a voice echoes from the rafters.
40:40There are four topics to choose from, and Shabana, since you've been having the hardest night of it, the choice
40:45is yours.
40:47Would you like green, the elderly, a little bit of nice, or pasta?
40:57I'm going to go green.
40:59A fine choice, green it is. Everyone ready?
41:02Then let's play.
41:03Snow P.
41:05S-N-O-W-P-E-A.
41:08I'm so sorry, Shabana, Phil buzzed in before you.
41:18Phil, if you want to copy Shabana's homework, it wouldn't hurt your chances.
41:21Thanks, Shabana. I had forgotten about the W. Cheers.
41:24I just, that's the sound of my buzzer. They should really have different sounds.
41:29I can confidently say this has never happened on the show before.
41:33Phil, you buzzed in. Snow P.
41:35Yeah, I want to take a crack at this.
41:38I'm feeling S-N-O-W-P-E-A.
41:44Correct.
41:44Oh, wow.
41:45Money.
41:47Sarah.
41:48M-O-N-E-Y.
41:50Correct.
41:50Broccoli.
41:52Frank.
41:53B-R-O-C-C-O-L-I.
41:56Correct.
41:57Jealousy.
41:58Frank.
41:59J-J-J.
42:00J-E-A-L-O-U-S-Y.
42:04Correct.
42:05Marijuana.
42:06Frank.
42:07M-A-R-I-J-U-A-N-A.
42:11Correct.
42:11Thai curry.
42:13Frank.
42:14P-H-A-I-C-U-R-R-Y.
42:18Correct.
42:19Frog.
42:19Frog.
42:20Go ahead, Frank.
42:21F-R-O-G.
42:22Correct.
42:24Bulbasaur.
42:25Frank.
42:25B-U-L-B-I-S-A-U-R.
42:30Incorrect.
42:31Spinach.
42:33Go ahead, Frank.
42:35S-P-I-N-A-C-H.
42:38Correct.
42:39Avocado.
42:40Go ahead, Frank.
42:41A-B-O-C-A-D-O.
42:44Correct.
42:48C-O-R-R-E-C-T.
42:51Not part of the game, but a very funny gag, I'll give you that.
42:55American Idiot.
42:56Phil.
42:58A-M-E-R-I-C-A-N-I-D-I-O-T.
43:04Correct.
43:05Iguana.
43:06Frank.
43:07I-G-U-A-N-N-A.
43:09Incorrect.
43:11Don't spin it.
43:14You heard the man.
43:15There's no more spelling to do as we've found our champion.
43:18And tonight, it's Frank Woodley.
43:23Congratulations on your triumph.
43:25We'll be seeing you next time.
43:30And now, let's have the famed philanthropist, Sam the Bird Lady Campbell.
43:39It's not all good news.
43:42As we can all see, Shabana, you've had a really hard night at the office,
43:45and it only gets worse from here.
43:47Will you please make your way to your new home?
43:50This is my dream.
43:59That's plenty for tonight.
44:01One more round of applause for tonight's contestant, Frank Woodley.
44:05Shabana Aziz, Sarah Keyworth, and Phil Wang.
44:09We'll be back soon when Frank Woodley will take on Mel Bracewell,
44:12Andy Saunders, and Anne Edmonds.
44:14For now, you can call me Uruguay, Montgomery,
44:16because I sure am Uruguay.
44:18Good night.
44:20Well done, Frank.
44:21A barnstormer does well.
44:23Give me a shot.
44:24Pat.
44:24Back.
44:25On.
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