Rivals Season 1 Episode 1 | English Sub
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Short filmTranscript
00:00A
00:13DUNGE
00:14THE
00:14NEWS
00:16THE
00:17DROP
00:23THE
00:24NEWS
00:24THE
00:24NEWS
00:36This is your captain speaking.
00:37Keep your eyes on the board.
00:39We're about to go super sonic.
00:40Nice day!
00:42Nice day!
00:56Oh, my God!
01:00Oh!
01:01Oh!
01:03Oh!
01:05Oh!
01:06Oh!
01:17Did we break the sound barrier?
01:20Sorry, Mr. Camper Black.
01:21I didn't know it was you in there.
01:25Can't get enough to know.
01:27You don't have to face it.
01:29You're addicted to love.
01:30You see the signs.
01:32But you can't read.
01:35You're running at a different speed.
01:39Your heart beats.
01:41Another time.
01:43Another kiss.
01:47Enjoying your flight, Rupert?
01:49Tony Battingham.
01:51Do you know B.T. Johnson from The Scorpion?
01:53Oh, no.
01:55But I hear great things.
01:57Did the Prime Minister give you permission to fuck a journalist in the onboard toilet?
02:01Lou.
02:01Tony, don't be plebeian.
02:03B.T.'s ghosting my memoirs.
02:05Now I believe in laying one's ghost.
02:07Oh, B.T.
02:07What's your angle?
02:09Champion show jumper put out to pasture.
02:11Now a powerless backbench politician.
02:14Casting around for his next hobby.
02:16Never quite achieving the success he once had.
02:20What are you doing in New York?
02:22Whoring yourself around advertisers?
02:23You know if you don't start spending some of that fortune you're coining on making decent television, you're going to
02:28lose your business.
02:29Very much in hand.
02:30Just recruited a hot shit young producer.
02:33Who?
02:33Mm.
02:34Cameron Cook.
02:35Never heard of him.
02:38You were.
02:40Desperate to work for Karinian.
02:41Bit my hand off in vain.
02:43Hope it didn't bleed on your nice suit.
02:47Wait me when we head back too.
03:14Hope it didn't bleed.
03:19Hope it didn't bleed.
03:22Hope it didn't bleed.
03:29Hope it didn't bleed.
03:35Hope it didn't bleed.
03:35Hope it didn't bleed.
03:35Hope it didn't bleed.
03:35Hope it didn't bleed.
03:38Hope it didn't bleed.
03:47Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
03:48Drug use, pornography, easier divorce, rampant, homosexuality
03:53Recent studies have shown that HIV isn't exclusively a homosexual disease, Deputy Prime Minister
03:59No, but loveless rutting
04:01The promiscuous encounters that characterize a Saturday night in Soho
04:05Those are the preconditions for this virus which threatens
04:08The precondition, Deputy Prime Minister, is the Victorian conservatism of the Tory government
04:12Which is narrow-minded, hypocritical and quite frankly cruel
04:15And cut there, thank you, ready to go again
04:18He can say gay sex is loveless rutting, but I can't make a small comment about the government
04:23TBC editorial policy, Declan
04:25Sorry, Deputy Prime Minister
04:27We're going again
04:28Q Declan
04:32Mr Stratton, yourself and Mrs Stratton have been married, what, 15 years?
04:3715 in April
04:38Yeah, three children, a wife, a mistress and an all-consuming job
04:42It must be difficult to juggle everything
04:46What?
04:47Although your wife, Winifred, has been staying at her family's Pimbleco apartment
04:50Which must have made it easier for you to spend time with your, uh
04:5429-year-old secretary, Miss Sarah Price
04:58Who proudly told our researchers that you have the girth and stamina to compete with any championship racehorse
05:04Is that a fair comment to make, sir?
05:05I, uh, well, the...
05:07CUT! CUT!
05:08I would look to your own glass house, Deputy Prime Minister, before you start throwing rocks at others
05:13Phil Declan, if we could just do another take without the slant
05:15Fuck off, Alistair
05:16Fuck
05:18Fuck
05:18Freak
05:19What is that?
05:21Fuck
05:21What is this?
05:25Fuck
05:25What is this?
05:28Fuck
05:29Fuck
05:48I don't know whose bloomers are more of a twist tonight, aren't it, or the Prime Minister's?
05:52We both know the BBC won't share tonight's episode.
05:55I've said it before, Lord Bandingham, I'm happy here.
05:58And I'm not interested in commercial television.
06:02Oh.
06:05Director-General calling, say you've been a naughty boy.
06:20I'm offering you freedom.
06:22I saw your interview with Reagan, I bet they hacked out some corkers.
06:27We'd put you out live.
06:31Live?
06:32Complete editorial control.
06:35Skewer the bastards on air.
06:36It's halfway around the world before anyone's got a chance to complain.
06:40The satellite's coming.
06:42We're going global.
06:44It's exciting.
06:47You're stuck here with a load of librarians.
06:50When you could be an astronaut.
06:58I'd have to persuade Maude.
07:02Massive house from the country, she'd love it.
07:04What's a Wicklow man like you doing in Fulham?
07:07Dodging litter and dog shit.
07:08Come to the Coswolds.
07:11Even I have to win sometimes.
07:12How fucking pretty the place is.
07:20Little signing bonus.
07:22Declan, come on.
07:23You're being paid peanuts to get bloodless interviews with one hand tied behind your back.
07:29It's the golden age of television.
07:32You're missing the game.
07:51Indeed, thank you.
07:56I've got to have a shot.
08:01But what you've got is all so sweet
08:05You've got to make it hot
08:09Like a boy, I got me to repeat
08:13Give me all your lovin', all your hugs and kisses, dear
08:21Give me all your lovin', don't let up until we're in
08:29You've got to whip it up
08:33And hit me like a ton of lead
08:37If I blow my tongue, Daddy's hand
08:41Will you let it blow in your head?
08:45Give me all your lovin', all your hugs and kisses, dear
08:53Give me all your lovin', don't let up until we're in
09:05Hello, darling, how was your day?
09:07Extremely successful, isn't it?
09:09Sorry I landed on you again
09:10Yes, we do have other loins
09:16Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
09:46Here we are, girls
09:47The priory
09:50Kingdom, we're here
09:51What?
09:52We're here, we're here, look
09:53We're here
09:58Oh my God
10:22Exciting things are going to happen to us in a place like this
10:24Amazing
10:27Racial love
10:28Bagley best rooms
10:29Grittiest prison I ever saw
10:48We're here
10:50We're here
10:51Oh my God
10:51I'm going to go
10:55We're here
10:55We're here
10:55We're here
10:56We're here
10:58Man, man, I am a man
11:02I'm on the job, you can't tell it I'm fine
11:07Jehovah's Witness
11:08Oh, fuck, she's seen us
11:12Oh, you'll have to go down
11:13What? Why me?
11:14I'm on the lookout
11:15What?
11:15For him
11:15Oh, God
11:19Soviet officials have announced that 79 bodies have been recovered and nearly 320 people are missing
11:26After a day of worship, thanks for the day
11:29Door!
11:31Hello
11:31I just wanted to welcome you to all the church
11:34No, no, thank you
11:36We're not on the best of terms with Jehovah in this house
11:40Taggy, just shut the door
11:41Oh, it's not mine
11:42I found it on a lawn
11:44New English
11:44Is it the New English Bible?
11:47Yes
11:47Daddy says it's a literary abomination
11:49He must have thrown it out the window
11:51I'm Lizzie
11:52I live down the valley
11:53I bought you a bottle and some eggs
11:56We'll open this now
11:57Okay
11:58Come on in
12:01We haven't found the wine glasses yet
12:04Tell us the second post here
12:06Oh, there isn't a second post
12:08Taggy lost her virginity this summer to one of her son Patrick's university friends
12:12He's in the south of France right now and not writing many postcards
12:16Mummy
12:16Oh, it must be so lonely for Rupert now he's not show jumping
12:19And the only thing that persuaded Caitlin to leave all her friends in London
12:22Was the thought of living opposite Rupert Campbell Black
12:25They want him to ravish me
12:27He's a middle-aged MP, Caitlin
12:29Well, I'm so cross, I'm off to boarding school and won't get the first crack at him
12:32He's bound to fall for Taggy
12:33Or even Mummy
12:34How well do you know him?
12:36Oh, I'm not sure anyone really knows Rupert
12:38But we're friends
12:40So not carnally then
12:41I'm one of the few women around here who hasn't been ravished by Rupert
12:45Is your husband Fiercely Protective
12:47Mm-hmm
12:49Oh, that's my novel
12:52I wrote it
12:53Have you read it?
12:54Oh, no, Taggy doesn't read
12:56She's dyslexic
12:57For a long time we thought she was retarded
12:59Oh, he took what he wanted
13:01I loved this
13:03Talk about getting ravished
13:04Isn't there a very naughty bit with some duck leaves?
13:09Oh
13:13Yeah, the fight is quite old
13:15Have you got another one coming out?
13:16Well, what with the children and my husband
13:18I don't find much time to write nowadays
13:20Hi, I need a shirt
13:22And some fucking socks
13:25Oh
13:25Daddy, that's Lizzie
13:26I live just down the valley
13:28She writes dirty books
13:29Nice to meet you, Caitlin
13:30You're wearing my socks
13:31Well, they're warmer than tight
13:32Sorry, still unpacking
13:33Thanks, love
13:34How easy is it to find help, aren't you?
13:36We are not forking out for a cleaner
13:38Well, stealing a woman's help around here
13:41Is worse than stealing her husband
13:42What if you stole both?
13:47That's Grant, Tagg
13:48Right, I am going to buy
13:5030 pairs of socks
13:51In such a disgusting colour
13:53That none of you will ever pinch them again
13:55Nice to meet you, Lizzie
13:56Good luck, Daddy
13:57Give him help
13:57All right, let's get smashed
14:00Woo
14:01Welcome to Racha
14:13A man walks down the street
14:14He says
14:15Why am I soft in the middle now
14:16Why am I soft in the middle
14:18The rest of my life is so hard
14:20I need a photo opportunity
14:22I want a shot of redemption
14:24Don't want to end up a cartoon
14:26In a cartoon graveyard
14:27Bone-digger, bone-digger
14:29Get these months away from me, you know
14:31I don't find this stuff on music anymore
14:35If you be my bodyguard
14:37I can be your long, long crowd
14:42I can call you Betty
14:44Betty, when you call me
14:46You can call me out
14:50A man walks down the street
14:52He says
14:52Why am I short of attention
14:53Got a short little span of attention
14:56And won't my nights are so long
14:58Where's my wife and family
14:59What if I die here
15:01Who'll be my role model
15:03Now that my role model is gone
15:05Gone
15:06We duck back down the alley
15:08We'll saw my
15:09Roly-poly little bat-faced girl
15:11All along, along
15:14There were incidents and accidents
15:16There were hints and allegations
15:20If you'd be my bodyguard
15:22Come on
15:25Declan, hi
15:26Yeah
15:27There he is!
15:28I see him!
15:29Okay
15:30What the fuck?
15:34Just a man of the people
15:36Don't be jealous, James
15:37At least he won't steal your sunbed
15:39He's tall, isn't he?
15:40Standing next to a very short car
15:42I saw him in Pensacan
15:43I think he looks a lot older in the flesh
15:45Thank you, Deirdre
15:46Who's producing him?
15:47Cameron
15:47It's factual, not drama
15:49Why does Cameron get all the good stuff?
15:50I really can't think
15:53Declan, how much are they paying you?
15:55Why'd you leave the BBC, Declan?
15:56Come on, Declan, give us a smile
15:57All right, all right
15:58Thanks, lads
15:59That's your last
15:59Give me the frock out of it
16:00This way?
16:02Who's got the paddy among the pigeons, haven't you?
16:04Who says no blacks, no Irish?
16:05I'm a one-man
16:06Equal opportunities revolution, Ginger
16:11I'm a journalist, not a celebrity
16:14I ask the questions
16:20Where the fuck is this Cameron guy I'm supposed to report to?
16:24Jesus, you don't just ambush someone
16:26I'm a serious fucking journalist
16:29I don't discuss my career with the Scorpion
16:31Oh shit, sure
16:36Come in
16:43Where is he?
16:47Take a seat, Declan
16:51What, you're...
16:52Cameron Cook
16:55You were expecting a man
16:57Possibly queer
16:58Which you would have endured
16:59But certainly not a woman
17:00And God forbid a black one
17:02I thought you were a publicity girl
17:03No, I'm a producery woman
17:05Listen, I'm not...
17:07Prejudice?
17:07Of course not
17:08You're an asshole to everyone
17:10This isn't gonna work, Tony
17:12It's not a chat show
17:13It's a serious program
17:14I want to produce a serious program too
17:16But there are ways of trying the audience
17:17Oh, we're totally not but a sofa
17:18With cushions
17:18You've seen the set design then
17:20I know my audience, Tony
17:23A fucking sofa
17:24You might listen to Cameron
17:25NBC howled when I poached her
17:27Oh
17:28Do you know Charles Fairbairn?
17:30Controller of programs?
17:31Declan
17:33We knew each other at the beam
17:34Look, um
17:35Fatter
17:36I don't miss the canteen at the BBC, darling
17:38And Gingerbread
17:39Head of operations
17:43I'm sorry, Tony
17:44I produce myself
17:46I've got Johnny Friedlander flying over
17:48For your first interview
17:49Johnny Friedlander, the film star
17:50No, Johnny Friedlander, my dentist
17:52I don't interview actors
17:53Friedlander doesn't give interviews
17:55Not since the sex tape
17:56They're saying he could be the next Bond
17:58Dad, I have trouble replacing Roger
18:00I've been speaking to Jackie Kennedy
18:01She'll just blabber on about her old
18:03Boring publishing job
18:04No, she wants to talk about life
18:06As a single American woman, actually
18:08You could learn something, Cameron
18:10Look, you two log horns if it turns you on
18:12But don't forget
18:12I hired you both because you can get ratings
18:15So let's pull together and get them, yes?
18:17The BBC have put top of the pops
18:19Against us in the schedule
18:21So you need to be more popular than Jimmy Savile
18:23Johnny Friedlander is a global megastar
18:25And he hasn't given an interview in five years
18:26People will watch this
18:28Book Jackie for the next one
18:36Okay, fine
18:39But I do my own research
18:42And no fucking sofa
18:45Give him whatever fucking furniture he wants, alright?
18:48We all know it's not about the sofa
18:49I don't need this shit, Tony
18:50You brought me here to produce drama
18:52Not a chat show
18:53I brought you here to be the cleverest person in the building
18:56And terrify the rest of them into pulling their socks up
18:58So far, so good
18:58You're a lion in a petting zoo
19:00But we need big game like Declan
19:02To convince the IBA to renew our contract
19:04We lose the franchise
19:05There won't be any drama to produce
19:07You'll be on the next boat back
19:11I didn't come here on a boat
19:13Forgive me, semantics
19:14I flew here on fucking Concord
19:17I paid for the ticket
19:20Worth every penny
19:38It's gorgeous
19:40Yes
19:41There are badger sets up at the top there
19:44And in spring
19:45A bluebell's flame
19:47Between the beach trees
19:48Like little funts and burners
19:51Sorry, I sound like an estate agent
19:52I just can't believe this is all ours
19:54Well, only to the bottom of the wood
19:56And then Rupert will have you for trespassing
20:00Well, thank you for walking me back
20:03I'm really quite pissed
20:08It's like Rupert's back home
20:10Caitlin will be scaling the wall
20:13Caitlin's all talk
20:14She's sworn off and married until she's at least 35
20:16I've got too much to do, she says
20:19And you?
20:21With parents like yours, you must have big plans
20:24Well, I'd like to be a cook
20:25Oh, following recipes and writing things down
20:28I, um, don't know what to do with myself, really
20:31How old are you? 19?
20:3220
20:34Your whole life ahead of you
20:37It's 1986
20:39You can have whatever you want
20:42So Cosmo tells us
20:48Back into battle
20:50How many children do you have?
20:52Two
20:52Three, counting my husband
20:54He works for Corineum too
20:56Yeah, you didn't say
20:57I talk about my husband as little as possible
21:00He does enough of that himself
21:01Oh
21:04I'm gonna get you
21:12I'm gonna get you
21:14You can't catch me
21:15Hello
21:17What's going on?
21:34Oh, my God
21:35There's fire
21:37Oh, there's fire
21:48Oh, come on
21:50Oh, come on
22:13Fire
22:16Fire
22:18Fire
22:19Fire
22:21Deadfall
22:21Your tits are at least six inches over the line
22:24Well, you can't fall, then
22:25You're at ten inches over the line
22:30Damn
22:33Don't be shy, darling
22:36Your fields are on fire
22:38And
22:40It's the quickest way to get rid of the stubble after the harvest
22:43Could you
22:45So you separated them on purpose?
22:47Sorry
22:49Who the fuck are you and why are you here?
22:51What about the animals?
22:52The rabbits and voles and birds
22:53Yes, and the lovely ickle earwig
22:55Should I stop plowing my fields because it's cool to wood lice?
22:57You're murdering them
22:58Do you want me to give them a state funeral?
23:02What the hell?
23:05I called the fire brigade
23:09Get off my land before I call the police as well
23:12And take that brute back to its pigsty
23:16You are utterly
23:22Abhorrent
23:43Gentlemen, you ordered a full-bodied Argentine
23:45And the wine, Basil
23:47Yes
23:48Have you tried this one before?
23:49It's very, very nice
23:51I'm assuming we're on expenses
23:53Baz enjoys helping me spend Carinean money
23:55I do
23:57Oh, wonderful
23:59Now, I must say
24:00I loved your coverage of the royal wedding, Charles
24:02Thank you, Baz
24:03Andrew and Fergie are a modern-day fairy tale
24:06Well, you know what they say about Reg is
24:08Enjoy, chaps
24:10That's Tony's wrong
24:11Half-brother
24:12He got a good half
24:14The mother had a scandalous fling with an Argentinian polo player
24:17Basil was the result
24:19Baz was always the favourite with Daddy
24:21Despite his dubious origins
24:24And poor Tony just never managed to catch up
24:27Does he hold a grudge?
24:28Tony, darling, he cultivates them like rare orchids
24:31Artists, Tony cultivates artists
24:34You're in safe hands
24:35We're so lucky to have such a strong leader at the helm
24:38Hello, Archie
24:39I'll have the liver and marmalade
24:44And a radicchio salad
24:46And for you, sir?
24:47Steak
24:48Still mooing
24:57Tony's son
24:58Working here for the summer holidays
25:00Teaching his children the value of money
25:02And tell me, is Cameron Cook as big a bitch as she seems?
25:07She is a genius
25:12So we ripped up the treatment
25:14Aged all the characters down ten years
25:16And gave them some desire
25:18The men were all dickless
25:19So I said to Tony
25:21Our audience wants to fantasize
25:23About being banged over the sink while doing the dishes
25:26And four men went to mow
25:28Is now the top-rated network drama of the year
25:31Looking good, boys
25:32I smell like Sunday lunch
25:33You look delicious
25:34Everybody, this is Lady Gosselin
25:36Chairwoman of the Independent Broadcasting Authority
25:39Best behavior, everyone
25:41And this is the Declan set
25:43Yes, very impressive
25:45You're rather impressive, aren't you?
25:48Where did Tony find you?
25:50New York
25:50Ah, August 26, 1970
25:53I marched with Gloria Steinem
25:56On the Women's Strike for Equality
25:58My mom was on that march
26:01Don't iron while the strike is hot
26:04I think you'll be pleased with the efforts we've made to address your concern
26:07I am not your Barbie doll
26:11And Declan O'Hara's presence on the Carinium team
26:13It just nudges that political dial leftwards
26:16And the board
26:17If you want to hang on to your franchise
26:19Then Carinium's board needs strengthening
26:21Well
26:22Have you thought of Rupert Campbell Black?
26:26Rupert's presence would give you legitimacy, Anthony
26:29I don't like taking people's franchises away
26:32But Rupert would give Carinium real sparkle
26:35I want to be convinced that I'm backing the right horse
26:39Tell me more about your mom
26:51I mean
26:53They don't tell you when you leave the BBC
26:55Yes, there's a lot more money in independent television
26:58But you're going up against 14 other regional companies
27:01Just like you
27:02And then there's franchise renewal
27:04But that's, what, once every five years?
27:06Yeah, but the anxiety is constant
27:08Because some other company can just waltz in
27:10And take your franchise away
27:13We may not have had biscuits at the BBC
27:15But all we had to do was make television
27:18Do you think I made the wrong move?
27:20Oh, no
27:21Granada have Coronation Street
27:22LWT has Blind Date
27:25Carinium now has you
27:27You're the Golden Goose, darling
27:28Say it back
27:29And let Tony fucking fatten you up
27:33The foie gras is inside here, by the way
28:01I wish I was coming too
28:03I've only been invited so I can drive Mummy and Daddy home
28:05And then drunk
28:06Oh, you've already met Rupert
28:07It's not fair
28:08He's always Willie
28:09He's vile
28:10Oh, that journalist is so lucky to be shagging him
28:15What are you looking for?
28:16Oh, the bright blue Minnie
28:20Do you think it's going to happen again?
28:21What?
28:23Mummy
28:28Now we're here, I quite want to stay
28:30Taggy
28:32Oh, let's go
28:36What?
28:37You're wearing Taggy's dress
28:38Uh, I wore this to Bono's Christmas party
28:41It was mine then too
28:42Oh, you're so touchy these days
28:44Look, we are going to go and meet the most wonderful people this afternoon
28:48I'm excited
28:52Leaving London's going to be good for her and Daddy, isn't it?
28:56It will be
28:58I'll be okay
28:59I promise
29:15Vernon will meet me when the poet lands
29:19Keys to the MG will be in his hands
29:24Adjust to the driving and I'm on my way
29:28It's all on the right side of Montego, babe
29:33Sing out
29:34Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
29:38Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
29:42Come sing me love
29:44Come sing me Montego, babe
29:48Well done, darling
29:49Great turnout again, I must say
29:53As I've told them to up the proportion of orange juice in the Bucksville
29:57Do what everyone plastered like last year
29:59Oh, no
30:00So, which one is it you want for your board?
30:03Is it the electronics millionaire chap?
30:05Freddie Jones
30:06Don't be there with a touch
30:09I'll get him onto satellite technology
30:11You can ask her if she's made any friends in the area yet
30:13She's opened a boutique in Colchester
30:15So, you should offer to pop in and buy something
30:20Hmm
30:22Is Miss Cook coming?
30:25Couldn't drag her away from the studio
30:28Declan goes live in a matter of days
30:30And here's our star
30:36Ah
30:38You're even more beautiful in the flesh, Mrs. Horro
30:40Thank you
30:41Declan
30:42Tony
30:43We're so glad you're here
30:44Everyone's dying to meet some new people
30:46We're all very bored of each other
30:47V. Maud O'Hara
30:50My favourite actress
30:51Baz
30:52The better baddie
30:54If you say so
30:55So pleased you could make it, Basil
30:57Declan, let me show you off to some board members
30:59Why don't we get you a drink?
31:02You were wonderful, Miss Lady Macbeth
31:17Girl, I'm going to Lord B's party
31:19I turned Tony down, not my kind of crowd
31:21Is that the only reason?
31:25What other reason would there be?
31:29I want your opinion
31:30I'm not paid to have opinions
31:33Now, I agreed to ditch the sofa
31:35But why a desk?
31:35It's not a news anchor
31:37Perhaps he wants to hide behind it
31:39Huh
31:40It's not because he hasn't got good legs
31:42I've looked
31:47Steve, move the desk off the set for a minute
31:49Declan asked for the desk
31:50Yeah, I want to see it without the desk
31:51It's just we built the desk
31:52I'm not telling you to burn a damn thing
31:54I'm telling you to move it so I can see the set
31:55Can you do that?
31:56Alright, keep your wig on
31:59That's funny
32:00You know what isn't funny?
32:03Looking for another fucking job
32:15It's better
32:16See?
32:17It's better
32:28Oh, Rupert's arrived
32:34Really?
32:35That's Gerald
32:36Rupert's aide
32:37We go way back
32:41Where's your gorgeous Lord and Martha?
32:43He's not here
32:44Damn it
32:45I have a pile of papers for him to sign it
32:46I can only pin him down at parties
32:47You can pin me down later, if you like
32:54It's
32:54Follow wrong
32:54Thank you
32:56Actually, I think I might just
33:00Lizzie
33:02Lizzie
33:03Um, I think their mum wants you
33:06He doesn't want me
33:07That's my husband
33:10That's all
33:30Thank you, darling
33:32Feel like I should be reading the news
33:35Fortunately, we have the wonderful James Verica to do that instead
33:37Thank you
33:39Now, I won't keep you from your lunch
33:42But I'm very glad to have you all here to celebrate Carinium's newest star with me
33:47Ladies and gentlemen, Declan O'Hara
33:55Declan joins Carinium, of course, on the crest of a wave
33:58Wonderful ratings for our prestige drama, Four Men Went to Mow
34:02Who knew arable farming could be so sexy?
34:06Uh, and with revenue from our sales to America
34:10We are confident that this is going to be our most successful autumn ever
34:26Oh my god, it's him
34:27So sorry, sorry
34:30Didn't mean to steal your thunder
34:31No fire engines with you today
34:35Um, please, uh, go on to your speech
34:39Oh, hello, darling
34:40Hello
34:41Um, but Declan, you are undoubtedly the jewel in the Carinium crown
34:48And I know everyone here joins me in welcoming you
34:51Your wife, Maud
34:52And your daughter, Agatha
34:54To our Cotchester family
34:56Declan O'Hara, ladies and gentlemen
35:04Lunch, everybody
35:07Good lunch
35:08Thank you
35:16Is it loving in your eyes all the way
35:22If I listen to your lies, would you say
35:28I am a man
35:32Look at all this food
35:40People are always saying
35:42You should write a book, Mrs Jones
35:43You've led such a fascinating life
35:45How funny
35:46People are always telling me I should open a shop
35:51So, where have you moved to?
35:53Witches, Green Lawns
35:54It's a lovely house now
35:55We've added the extension and double glazed over those draughty old windows
35:58Those Victorians must have worn a lot of jumpers
36:01Hope
36:03Very good
36:03But the only house I know around there is Bottom Hollow Court
36:06And Green Lawns sounded so much prettier
36:08Especially now we've landscaped the garden
36:10No, tatties, Fred Fred
36:15Lord Baddingham is wooing my Fred Fred for his bald
36:18I'm encouraging him to get more cultured
36:21We could do with a few more caring wives of Carinium
36:25Please
36:26Call me Mousy
36:27All of my friends do
36:29Shall we go and find somewhere to perch?
36:31Let's
36:32Mousy
36:34Do move on to something soft, darling
36:35We don't want the humpball again
36:37I do so enjoy your couple
36:42My husband tells me you're one of the most powerful men in England
36:47Yeah, I suppose I am
36:48And I expect you're allowed a few potatoes
36:53One, tattie, two, tattie, three
36:56Shall we find more booze?
37:01Hello, Declan
37:03I'll see you later
37:05We were all so surprised when you left the BBC for Carinium
37:09Do you miss your integrity?
37:10Or do you feel lighter without it?
37:13What was it the private eye called you?
37:15The first not quite a lady of Fleet Street, was it?
37:23Tag, have you seen your mother around?
37:26No, I haven't
37:30I've met a few athletes in my time, they always get what they want
37:33And what do we want?
37:35To win
37:36Well, sadly, I'm not show jumping anymore
37:39Well, you're still athletic
37:43You're certainly too disturbing to be living across the valley
37:51Ah, there you are
37:53Finally
37:55Sure guy himself
37:57Mr. Cumberblack
37:59Getting to know the neighbours
38:02Taggy, have you met Rupert?
38:05No, I think I'd remember
38:08Agatha, that's my daughter
38:09Taggy
38:11I hear you did a hatchet job on poor Stratton
38:14That I'd have loved to see
38:15Mmm
38:20She'll make a dent in Tony's whiskey collection
38:25Why not?
38:41Are you hiding again?
38:43No, they're just at the end of Das Rheingold
38:45I need you to go out there with me
38:47Bloody Rupert
38:48I want to get this over with
38:49He'll come here
38:54I can't believe I'm going to him for legitimacy
38:57All he did for his status was to be born into him
38:59It's just social currency, darling
39:00It's the way the world works
39:02Public school, why go?
39:03Well, should we send Archie to a comprehensive event
39:05Save on the school fees?
39:07He'll only make you feel inferior
39:09If you give him permission
39:10Now, deep breath
39:11Shoulders back
39:14Good boy
39:19Working the weekend?
39:20I hope Tony's paying you handsomely, Ginger
39:23Come on, dogs
39:26Took some digging, but I found these
39:28I think you'll enjoy them
39:29It's a little Declan O'Hara insurance
39:33Ooh
39:57Peaceful is the country that is strongly earned
40:01Baddingham family motto
40:03Uh, circa 1972
40:10Lord Pop Pop, Tony's father
40:13Made his millions in munitions during the war
40:15That's why Tony married Lady Monica of the Glen
40:18He had Daddy's cash
40:20Mon Mon had the house
40:22And what Tony wants most of all
40:24Class
40:28Why are the English so obsessed with class?
40:32Money
40:32Declan
40:33I was only asking Mr. Cumberbuck a question
40:35Lord
40:37Rupert
40:38You've met Declan, then?
40:39Anyone want another drink?
40:40Oh
40:41You found one?
40:42Hmm
40:44It's Deason's God
40:45Did Monica choose it?
40:46Ha, ha, ha, ha
40:48Ignore us
40:49Our families go back a long way
40:50Not that far
40:53Listen, uh, can I have a word, Rupert, in private
40:56A business proposition
40:57Well, we're all friends here
40:59Nothing you could say to me that dear Morty shouldn't hear
41:02I am not drinking sherry with the wives while the men have all the fun
41:06No, you want to be here when Tony asks me to be on his board
41:16Uh, uh, uh, what, all right
41:20It's a lucrative game, I thought you wanted
41:23It's so hard to take you seriously, Tony
41:25You just always sound like you're playing Monopoly
41:27Ha
41:30The answer's no
41:31Lady Gosling thinks I can give you some class
41:34Help you keep your franchise
41:35But I'm not using my family name
41:37So you can buy yourself a bigger helicopter
41:42Uh, Tony
41:43Paul Stratton's here
41:44Ah!
41:48Sorry we're late, everyone
41:50Bit of trouble getting out of bed, actually
41:52Yeah, you know what newlyweds are like
41:55Oh, mind yourself in those jeans
41:57You bend over your eyes will pop out
41:58And the new Mrs. Stratton
42:01Now, you are very welcome up
42:04Great, well done, Paul
42:08Do you know Declan O'Hara?
42:09Oh, yes, yeah
42:10You did us all a favour, actually, Mr. O'Hara
42:12Good to get everything out in the open
42:15We're insanely happy
42:16Aren't we, Paul?
42:17I'm a new man
42:22Excuse me
42:41I heard about you catching Campbell Black
42:43Playing tennis in the Noddy
42:47That's enough to upset anyone
42:48Who knows about that?
42:51Well, the whole valley knows about the fire engines
42:56And I know who the mystery woman was now
42:59Don't I?
43:18I know who the mystery woman was now
43:52you know you're dancing with the devil don't you says the man who works for thatcher
43:57let's hope he's got rhythm
44:18oh, incoming
44:23you bastard, you've been shagging Sarah Stratton too
44:34it was only tennis
44:36oh, fuck
45:13oh, fuck
45:19Peachy Darling
45:21I'm going to ruin you
45:36I'm so sorry.
45:42I wouldn't mind, but that's my car.
45:57So it's Rupert now, is it?
45:59It was a conversation.
46:00I was conversing.
46:01You were all over him.
46:03Oh, now I can't even talk to a man without you assuming that I'm after him.
46:06Oh, grow up.
46:07God, I didn't ask to come here.
46:09You're the one that took the check and just sold us all out.
46:11Yeah, Maude, it's a horrible house and you live a terrible life.
46:14Well, these are our people now.
46:15Oh, my God, they're all horses and dogs and houses and cars
46:19and who's got the longest fucking driveway?
46:22Oh, my God, the men are all desperate to ride anything
46:25as long as they're not married to it.
46:26The wives, Jesus, they haven't had an orgasm since pony club camp.
46:38That's not us, is it?
46:43Everyone was looking at you.
46:45Huh?
46:47And did you like that?
46:50Oh, God.
46:51How much?
46:52How much is it like that?
46:54Tell me.
46:55How much?
46:57How much?
47:07Oh.
47:07Hey.
47:47Let's go!
47:49What's going on?
47:51It's too much, man.
48:21Yes.
48:23Yes, fine.
48:26No, it was, uh, a buffet table.
48:31Of course, see you at 9am.
48:34You have a good evening, Prime Minister.
48:42Come on, dogs.
48:44Daddy's in trouble again.
49:03Mummy and Daddy are clearly back on track.
49:06What's Rupert there?
49:07Yeah.
49:09I think so.
49:19As she gazed at the Ocaseis with their burnished bohemian beauty,
49:23entering this world of unbridled passion,
49:27she worried.
49:29Little did Dermot Ocasey know that he had brought his family into the wild.
49:34Into a world of untamable beasts, giving in to their basest needs.
49:47Hungry for sex, hungry for sex, hungry for status, hungry for love.
50:10Hungry for power.
50:11You know, Campbell Black is finished after today.
50:15Hungry for comfort.
50:17Are you coming to bed?
50:18You had better be stuck while I make you when I get through there.
50:24Good dog.
50:25Good dog.
50:26Good dog.
50:26Good dog.
50:26Slide down.
50:34My eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord.
50:54Because as seductive as his predators might be,
50:58one should always beware of being eaten.
51:13Oh, my ass!
51:25This is a surprise.
51:27The prime minister wasn't thrilled about seeing her minister's private lives
51:30splashed all over the papers.
51:32Paul Stratton's been shuffled to the back benches.
51:35Oh, dear.
51:35Have you lost your job?
51:37No, not at all.
51:38No.
51:38No, Mrs. Thatcher's given me a promotion.
51:41I'm her new minister for sport, so...
51:46I couldn't have done it without you.
51:49You had to come all this way to tell me that?
51:53I want you to keep your grubby little nose out of my affairs.
51:58Maggie, I'll see through you soon enough, you overprivileged cunt.
52:07I'll have to try harder than that if you want to beat me, Lord Battingham.
52:18Come on.
52:20Come on.
52:22Come on!
52:24Come on!
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