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00:30Pay attention to the news and yet somehow, by the end of it, none of them are any smarter.
00:34It's a medical marvel.
00:34This is Seven Days.
00:35Let's meet the team, shall we?
00:37And yes, if you look closely, you will see the leader of Team One is just both of the
00:40top twins in a trench coat.
00:42Please welcome, by the stage, Melanie Bracewell.
00:47Welcome back now.
00:48Oh, it's so good to be back.
00:50The new set is half TV show, half gender reveal.
00:53I'm so excited to be here.
00:55Got an amazing team.
00:56I've got Roscoe McClelland and Justine Smith.
00:58Yeah.
01:01Great staff and leading team two is the love child of Joan Alamu and Sideshow Bob.
01:05It's Josh Thompson.
01:08Thank you very much.
01:09You're welcome.
01:10Yes, they've got a very exciting team for you.
01:11I can't wait to introduce them.
01:12It's what Elon Musk does on a boys weekend, poaching with a chopper.
01:16It's both he poaching and chopper egg.
01:20We kick things off tonight as a little game I like to call Newsmakers because that's its name.
01:25In this game, I will give you an answer related to a news story from the week.
01:28Your job is to give me the matching question and then figure out the story from there.
01:31And Team One, you can start.
01:33Your answer is worried and anxious.
01:37Is it how I feel about booking plane tickets home via Dubai just because it was cheap?
01:44How did Corbett feel when he Ctrl-F'd his own name in the Epstein file?
01:53There are lots of Corbett's out there.
01:55It could have been anyone.
01:56Fair enough, yeah.
01:56It could have been anyone.
01:58Is it what has replaced happy in the popular children's song?
02:02If you're worried and you're anxious, clap your hands.
02:05Yes, I am.
02:06Is it how I feel about nodding and politely smiling at all the local references in this show that I
02:13will not understand?
02:17Any idea what the story might be?
02:19Well, the biggest story has got to be that new maybe COVID thingy.
02:23Oh, there's a cruise ship that's riddled with some sort of virus and they're calling it the most virus riddled
02:31cruise ship since the cruise ship before this one.
02:36Yeah, I'll give you that.
02:37What has an outbreak of Hunter virus got people worried and anxious?
02:41It's on the cruise ship.
02:42It's got them worried and anxious.
02:43It could be the next COVID-19, of course.
02:45There is one Kiwi on board the ship and they are expected to be the last one evacuated.
02:50The Kiwi was actually going to be the first off the cruise ship, but they got stuck holding the door
02:54open for everyone else.
02:57The start and then everyone's just...
02:58And that Kiwi's so angry, he's only going to give the cruise ship a four and a half star rating.
03:03They're still yelling, thank you, driver!
03:07Hantavirus doesn't sound like a good time, but it also sounds a lot better than Santa virus.
03:12Which is where you get a giant swollen red sack.
03:22And you only come once a year.
03:29There was a similar virus at my high school where she affected quite a lot of sort of paler, sort
03:34of redhead kids.
03:35It was the Fanta virus.
03:37Shut up, mate!
03:40Come on.
03:42You're not really a redhead, you're a redbeard, but not a redhead.
03:45Yeah, well...
03:45Are you talking to...
03:45Oh.
03:50My sister and all my cousins on my dad's side are all very ginger-haired, and I thought, I've got
03:57away with this one.
03:58And then when puberty hit, I went, they got me in a technicality.
04:04Well, here's the thing, you know, like, I don't know how lockdown went here, but for me, it was the
04:10best time of my life.
04:11So, I would, I'll go through it again, you know.
04:14Me and my wife, we levelled up our lives during the original lockdown.
04:17We moved from this, like, mouldy, horrible flat into a quite nice house, you know.
04:21I mean, sadly, COVID took my grand, but we got the house, so...
04:28Because, yeah, the World Health Organisation is saying this is not going to be a COVID-19 situation, not a
04:33pandemic.
04:33And I think a few people are disappointed, aren't they?
04:35Yeah.
04:35We enjoyed a bit of me time.
04:38And the crowds totally agree with you.
04:42Because wasn't it great when we all had a pool and we...
04:46You know, COVID lockdowns, getting piggybacks around the house from your butler, that was...
04:53Human chess with the staff, oh!
04:57Only one of those jokes is true.
05:00And I appreciate the job.
05:03LAUGHTER
05:06I was saying, it's crazy, everyone's like, oh, what are we going to do with this boat full of sick
05:10people?
05:10Sink it!
05:12LAUGHTER
05:15Team two, are you ready for an answer?
05:18Yes.
05:18I've got one prepared for you, here we go.
05:20A hundred young men in balaclavas.
05:22Who lives with me under Corby's house?
05:25LAUGHTER
05:26What's a very unhelpful police line-up?
05:29LAUGHTER
05:31Nice boy.
05:32Tom, any idea?
05:33The story?
05:34Any police?
05:35It's a tough one.
05:36Yeah, I do like to keep across young men in balaclava news, but I, um...
05:42There...
05:43It's a...
05:43There was a...
05:44And I'm...
05:45I spend a lot of time in West Auckland, um, getting things from my house, um, but, uh...
05:51Sorry, should we have picked a team captain that conformed sent in?
05:54Oh!
05:56Not necessary.
05:57Yeah.
05:57There was a...
05:58Something happened...
05:59A thing happened in West Auckland.
06:01LAUGHTER
06:02Something happened in the news with a hundred young men in balaclavas.
06:06That's why we're here.
06:07Yes, I know.
06:08That's what I'm trying to do now.
06:08I'm trying to tell them what we're trying to do now.
06:10You're never going to get it.
06:11No, no, no, no, I know!
06:11I know!
06:12I don't know!
06:13No, um, there's, like, dudes who like to ride around on bikes wearing balaclavas.
06:20Close enough.
06:21Yep.
06:22The question is, who caused a ruckus in West Auckland when they went for a bike ride?
06:26A hundred young men in balaclavas.
06:28Quite intimidating.
06:28It was organised on Facebook.
06:30It attracted police attention.
06:31It led to 53 infringement notices, one arrest, and the impounding of one vehicle.
06:37Good on you, police.
06:38Yeah, cos saying impounded a vehicle sounds better than I put the bike in the boot of the cop car.
06:43LAUGHTER
06:45Talking about children and bicycle safety is a bit, a bit raw for me at the moment,
06:50cos I hit someone with, a cyclist with my car the other day.
06:54Um, I mean, I had to go through two fences in a daycare centre to get involved.
06:59I got him!
07:02I got him.
07:02That's what I love about an EV.
07:04Silent.
07:05LAUGHTER
07:12I heard one guy got arrested.
07:14Like, they arrested one of them.
07:15Can you imagine that guy being in jail?
07:17And they're like, what are you in for?
07:19Are you in a gang?
07:20Well, it's more of a WhatsApp group, you know?
07:24I would just like to say,
07:25as a visitor to this country, from Glasgow, Scotland,
07:29a city...
07:29..a city synonymous for using our head as a weapon,
07:34um...
07:35..religious football violence.
07:37We are the knife crime capital of the world.
07:40We are the European drug-death capital.
07:42It's great to come here and find out that your big problem is...
07:46..boys on bikes.
07:48LAUGHTER
07:50I mean, I've got to say,
07:51at least these dudes are all just riding around in shorts and a T-shirt,
07:55unlike those douchebags in lycra who are like,
07:58oh, look at me, I'm dressed for the Olympics.
08:00No, you look like a potato in Gladrat.
08:03LAUGHTER
08:04And then they take over cafes on the weekend,
08:06they're all like, oh, look at me, I'm cycling...
08:08..you're like, bloody hell, I'm trying to eat my breakfast,
08:10I'm looking at some guy's dick through half a moment of a family.
08:12LAUGHTER
08:13All right, that's Newsmakers.
08:15For points, Team One, you can have 7,000.
08:16That's the number of spots on the Milford Track
08:18that sold out in 30 minutes this week when bookings opened
08:21for New Zealand's Great Walks.
08:23Team Two, you can have two goals scored by Wellington Phoenix Women
08:26against the Brisbane Raw last weekend
08:27to reach their first ever A-League Grand Final.
08:30Congrats to them, congrats to our first star winner, Team One.
08:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
08:35Come on, Team One.
08:37As you may well know, at the end of the episode,
08:39the team with the most stars will walk away with a prize
08:41that is both worthless and priceless.
08:43Woo!
08:43And here it is, yes, that is the very first Hantavirus vaccine.
08:48Straight from the laboratory I set up in my garage.
08:50It's made of COVID vaccine, public pool water and free microchips.
08:55Wow.
08:55The winning team will get a dose each,
08:57and if you're scared of needles, don't worry,
08:59I've developed an alternative delivery method...
09:02Oh, my God.
09:03..that I will apply to you at the end of the show
09:06for the winning team.
09:07Might be the first time on seven days, both teams are trying to lose.
09:11Let's move on.
09:11It's time for a fan favourite, it's Slice of Seven,
09:14where some of the best musicians New Zealand has ever produced
09:16ruin their songs with lyrics we've made up for them.
09:19Joining us tonight, he's dominated the singles charts,
09:21nominated for five Aotearoa Music Awards.
09:24Please give it up for Te Wehi.
09:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
09:30Team One, are you ready for Te Wehi to sing you a new song?
09:33Yes, please.
09:34All right, in your own time.
09:37Spaghetti grandma
09:40Roaming round the streets
09:44With her pockets full of knocking
09:51Making meatballs
09:53Digging up the weed
09:58Chipping teeth on biscotti
10:03Now, everyone is going fettuccine
10:07Now, don't be old, she makes her own
10:11Lemon chattel instead of dry martinis
10:14Living longer than the garden knows
10:17Well known as growth strong
10:24Her skin's palmer's on
10:31Hey, little Jan Z
10:33You will not die
10:36If you live like a grandma
10:49I heard something about a nona
10:51There's been that thing about living well and doing it
10:55Have you heard that?
10:56No, I haven't been living well at all.
10:58OK.
10:59I reckon it's this thing where people want to live well
11:03cos we're all stressing out and we're all feeling like shit
11:05and old Italian grandmas have got it nailed
11:08so it's about living like they do or something?
11:10Yeah, well done, Jazzy
11:11It's the latest lifestyle craze
11:13sweeping the globe
11:14Nonamaxing
11:15where people live like an Italian grandmother
11:17hoping it'll give them a longer and happier life
11:19Key parts of nonamaxing
11:21are growing and cooking your own vegetables
11:23taking life at a slower pace
11:25and keeping quiet about your role in Mussolini's Italy
11:27So, that's nonamaxing if you want to give it a go
11:31Good for you
11:33I mean, if this is about drinking a lot of wine
11:36eating pasta and taking a lot of naps
11:38F***ing me doing that for years
11:41We call it Jazzy maxing
11:43That's right
11:43When I first heard about this
11:45I thought it was about avoiding large format cinemas
11:48but then I found out that was non-imaxing
11:50I do think that Italy gets such an easy time
11:56with their historical crimes
11:58due to how good their cuisine is
12:00I really do
12:01and it just makes me wonder
12:02how good of a sausage would Germany have to make
12:04for us to make
12:08I actually, um
12:09I don't mind nonamaxing
12:11but I love babushka maxing
12:13Oh, wow
12:14Which is, to do that
12:15you need a series of Russian grandmas
12:17in decreasing order of songs
12:20And then you need some butter and a shoehorn
12:27Alright, Tewi and Simi, are you going to play another song?
12:29Are you ready, team two?
12:30Yes
12:30Okay, all yours
12:31Take it away
12:35The snapper that he preferred
12:41Was shaken and not stirred
12:44Oh, he's bomb
12:48Whoa, James Bond
12:55Super flash celebrity
13:01Visits Munga Nui
13:04Big shot
13:07Whoa, and the chip shop
13:15It's golden high
13:23Like golden fries
13:33Wow
13:35Wow
13:36So good
13:37So good
13:39Beautiful stuff, fellas
13:41I'm still quite hungry
13:42from both your songs
13:45I've heard a lot of chip shop stuff
13:47I've heard James Bond
13:48Yeah
13:48I actually am across
13:50Fish and Chip News
13:51I read the
13:52I read the paper it comes on
13:54Oh, yeah
13:54Fish and Chips first
13:55That's right, that's right
13:56That's right, yes
13:57And Pierce Brosnan is in New Zealand
13:58James Bond is the
14:00Talk of Northland
14:00Actor Pierce Brosnan
14:01is in New Zealand
14:02filming the second Minecraft movie
14:03His exploits have been documented
14:05well across social media
14:06Brosnan was papped
14:08at a knife making workshop
14:09and while collecting
14:10an order from the
14:11Manganui fish and chip shop
14:12He could be watching
14:13You know
14:14He could be watching
14:15And if you are watching
14:17Mr Bond
14:17We'd love to have you on the show
14:19I'm something of an
14:20alcoholic womaniser myself
14:24Do you think the staff
14:25noticed him
14:26Or do you think
14:26he was trying to get noticed
14:28Order number seven
14:30Don't you mean 007?
14:33No, just seven
14:34The zeros are redundant
14:38It would take longer
14:39for me to get you your order
14:41Also, here's your milkshake
14:42It's not called a milk stir
14:44so we can't do it
14:45the way you wanted
14:48Imagine if he was like that
14:49doing the whole bond
14:50the whole time
14:51Oh, man
14:52If I was P.S. Brosnan
14:53in a fish and chip shop
14:54Yep
14:54I'd be flashing that smile
14:56getting a few extra
14:56potato fritters
14:57in the mix for free
14:58I hate to fully unpack
15:01the logic
15:01of your previous joke
15:03but you said that
15:04you can't give
15:05the milk stir
15:07we have to give it
15:08to a different way
15:09but that would imply
15:10that James Bond
15:11says
15:12I'd like it stirred
15:13not shaken
15:14No
15:17Yes, Mel
15:18Yes, Mel
15:19I'm sorry to embarrass you, Mel
15:21I don't want to embarrass you
15:22in front of the entire nation
15:23But what I actually said
15:25although a little bit garbled
15:26was that
15:27here's your milkshake stir
15:28I can't give it the way you want
15:30Shake it stir
15:30Don't know you messed it up twice
15:32Oh, do I?
15:32Yeah, yeah
15:33No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
15:35Tom, can I tell you
15:36No, no, no, no, no
15:38No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
15:39Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait
15:42No, no, no, no
15:42I said
15:43I said
15:43Here's your milkshake stir
15:45That's not what you
15:46No, no, no
15:49Here's your milkshake stir
15:51We can't give it to you
15:52the way you ordered
15:53It's not called a milk stir
15:54So you're just
15:54No
15:55No
15:56Exactly
15:56Look at the tape
15:57He says I want it shaken
15:59not stirred
15:59You gave him what he wanted
16:00Your milkshake is exactly what he wanted
16:03Okay, we can find it
16:05No
16:07Okay, delete it, delete it
16:09Delete it, don't show Pierce this
16:13I think at this point
16:14I have to remember not to cry over stirred milk
16:22Very good
16:23For scores, team one, you can have 28
16:25That is the year since Westlife formed
16:27And they're celebrating with a tour of New Zealand next July
16:29Good on you, Westlife
16:30Team two, you can have the age of Pierce Brosnan
16:33Famous fish and chip shop knife maker
16:35Two
16:3772
16:38Team two gets a star
16:39Well done
16:43And a huge thank you to our Slice of Seven artist
16:45Debut album, I'm Home, came out this month
16:48Number two in the charts, I believe
16:49Well done, congratulations
16:51Nationwide tour is coming in June
16:52Tickets available from Live Nation
16:54Give it up one more time for Tewee
17:02All righty
17:03Team one, focus
17:04Time now for the Burger Fuel Brain Grill
17:06We turn back the hands of time this week
17:08We're going back two decades
17:09On the dot
17:10To 2006
17:11Team one, I'm going to show you a video
17:13You have to tell me what is going on
17:15Here it is
17:29They said, ah, that woman was left stirred, not shaken
17:37That was, of course, Rodney Hyde dropping his dance partner Crystal on Dancing with the Stars
17:42And amazing to think that's not even close to the worst thing a leader of the AK party has done
17:46On Dancing with the Stars
17:49Time for a break now
17:50Go wrap a towel around yourself though
17:51Get changed in the car
17:52Because we'll be back shortly with Club Topicana on Seven Days
17:55See you soon
18:08Welcome back to Seven Days You
18:10And now we're going to head to the beach like those whales like to do when they have those beach
18:14parties
18:14It's Club Topicana, play the steel drums
18:26Club Topicana is brought to you by dull pineapples
18:29Pineapples, without them, pineapple lumps would just be called lumps
18:33Inside this juicy hedgehog lies a collection of news stories that will fire up your taste buds and your imaginations
18:39Alright comedians, let's see what we have in here
18:41First story
18:42Police are concerned that over half of their workforce is over the age of 50 and heading for retirement
18:47I say don't be a quitter
18:49Stay on and serve
18:50I'd like to see scenes please from the geriatric police
18:55Alright, put your hands up
18:57You're under arrest for
18:59Oh, I forgot what you're under arrest for
19:02You seem like a nice young man
19:05Why are your hands up?
19:15Okay, you know the drill, just blow into the bag please
19:19Oh, that's my colostomy bag, sorry
19:27Okay, we're just going to run your plates
19:30Oh, could you actually help me? It's locked me out of my, um
19:39Yeah, in you go there, that's your cell
19:41Let me get your handcuffs
19:46Sorry, what?
19:48No, hang on
19:48Hang on
19:50But don't help me Terrell, it makes me mad
19:59You've been convicted of the crime of not listening to my stories
20:05Your punishment is now I'm going to list everything that's more expensive than it was when I was a kid
20:15Yes, you were doing 110 kilometres there
20:18Yeah, you were coming down the hill all the wrong way
20:20That's why I'd usually come down State Highway 3
20:23Yeah, you go back around the Kiomis
20:24You don't have to worry about coming down Glendon Gully
20:26I actually put Glendon Gully there back in 1973
20:28Yeah, we used to collect rose hips on the hill there
20:33You could give old man Ham Honk a bag of rose hips
20:35And he'd give you a throppence on a cube of sugar
20:41Dad, we should probably get going, Dad
20:44Ah
20:45Yeah, sorry
20:46Who are these guys?
20:47Oh, so sorry
20:50Alright, next story
20:53Ah, okay, yeah
20:54Dua Lipa is suing Samsung for $15 million
20:57After they used her picture on the side of their boxes for their TVs
21:01Without her permission
21:03I don't know why she would sell TVs
21:05But there you go
21:05Get ready to add hashtag paid partnership
21:08Show me some other unlikely celebrity endorsements, please
21:12Do you have dry, cracked skin?
21:14I'm Sean Diddy Coombs
21:23And now, after 100 years
21:27On this beautiful blue planet of ours
21:29I can say with some credentials
21:31That the most beautiful animal on earth
21:34Is the Satisfyer Magic Bunny
21:41Sure is
21:45Hello, I'm Susie Cato
21:48I'll help your family say see you later
21:50At Cato's Affordable Cremations
21:57Hey, I know we didn't nail it with the last subway guy
22:00But I've got a good feeling about this one
22:02Introducing Prince Andrew
22:08You know, it's interesting
22:09They're saying it's been famous since ages ago
22:11But I've never heard of it, you know
22:13I've never heard of this drink
22:14Lemon and Perroa
22:15Perroa
22:16You know, people call me a Perroa
22:18A bit of a social Perroa
22:20But I think I'm going to like it
22:22Lovely fruit, lovely country
22:23Might live there someday soon
22:33Hello there, I'm Pierce Brosnan
22:35And you could own my new fantastic milk stirrer
22:48You don't shake it because there's no lid on it
22:50You're just embarrassing yourselves, guys
22:52Dad, Dad, come on
22:53Come on
22:55All right, back to the pineapple we go
22:58Oh, yes, the government have announced plans to update
23:00The New Zealand citizenship test from next year
23:04Not that hard, TBH
23:05You have to get 15 out of 20
23:07They're multi-choice
23:08And you get six attempts
23:10Look, if you fail that
23:12Even I don't want you here
23:12But it could happen
23:13Give us some New Zealand citizenship test fails, please
23:19Oh, my God, you got an A plus
23:21Unfortunately, that makes you a bit of a try-hard
23:27Sorry, I have to pull you up on the national anthem
23:29You're supposed to mumble the first part
23:31And then go, oh, I'm a second
23:37All right, next question
23:39Who is the Deputy Prime Minister?
23:41You don't know?
23:42Correct, none of us did
23:47No, no, I think I've got it now
23:55Oh, is it
24:02Oh, yeah, um, you're meant to blow on the pie
24:05Not give the pie a blowjob
24:09Look, I'm sorry
24:09It's ticking a lot of boxes for me
24:11But I'm not in charge
24:17Yes, please all rise for the national anthem
24:22I'll say goodbye
24:23Even though I'm blue
24:25Even though I'm blue
24:27Even though I'm blue
24:53You can have two million
24:54That's the amount you'll need to buy Havana Bar in Wellington
24:56The iconic bar is up for sale
24:58Favourite haunt of the Lord of the Rings stars
25:00And Team 2, you can have 161,000
25:03That's the record amount paid for Tangihau, the Angus Bull
25:06At last year's autumn bull sales
25:08Worth every cent, apparently
25:09This year's auctions are underway, as we all know
25:12No word yet if the record has been beaten
25:13But Team 2 has been beaten by Team 1
25:15Who've earned themselves a bright, shiny star
25:20Well done
25:22Alright, it's time for you to turn your brains back to 2006
25:25Team 2 for a damn good grilling in the burger-fueled brain grill
25:28Have a look at this and tell me what's going on here
25:32Is this some...
25:35You better watch out, you're gonna get gout
25:39Is this the New Zealand version of To Catch a Predator?
25:44That is some handsome devil, alright
25:46Standing next to Jeremy Corbett
25:48At Christmas in the Park
25:50And out of frame there
25:52Jeanette Thomas questioning her decision to be involved
25:54That was back when I could pull a crowd
25:56Had over 100,000 there that night
25:58Not all to see me, granted, but most of them
26:01And that brings us to another break
26:03When we get back, we'll play Jeremy's special game
26:06I know you're all excited
26:07You'll just have to wait till after these ads
26:09To find out what it is
26:10Back soon, see you soon
26:23Welcome back everyone
26:24And now am I picking my time now for Jeremy's special game
26:27Since actions speak louder than words
26:29Quote I just came up with
26:30Let's play a round of charade the news
26:32In this game, one member of each team
26:34Will be given a category based on a news story
26:36They'll have to act out as many things from that category
26:38As possible for their teammates to guess
26:40Team 1, you are up
26:41Mel, you are going to be doing the charading for this
26:44And I'll just give you these cards
26:46Here are what you have to charade
26:47Don't let the others see them, please
26:49You basically just showed them
26:50OK
26:51So the story is
26:52The Ockham Book Awards were on last night
26:54Congratulations to all the winners
26:56To celebrate, I'd like you, Mel
26:57To charade out some famous books
26:59For Jussie and Roscoe to guess
27:01OK
27:02Jump up there, take the position
27:03We'll give you a moment
27:04Let's go, baby
27:05And I'll get my dinger ready
27:06You have them
27:06Until I ding my ding
27:08Are you ready, Mel?
27:09I'm ready
27:10Away you go
27:12Lord of the Rings
27:13Oh, that's great
27:14Lord of the Rings
27:15Great
27:15Oh, sexy mama
27:17Yes, booty
27:18Yeah
27:21Knits
27:21Halo
27:23Dandruff
27:25Book
27:27Reader
27:28The reader
27:2850 degrees
27:29Agree
27:30Yes
27:30Out of nowhere
27:32Well done
27:33The Babel
27:35The Babel
27:35That's correct
27:37Oh
27:38Man and Butterfly
27:42That's the only two
27:43I'm only, there's only two
27:44I know what's Ed
27:45Laughing Butterfly
27:47To Kill a Walking Bird
27:49Yeah
27:52Amazing
27:53Heroine
27:55Trainspawn
27:57Jack
27:58Duck
27:59Goosebumps
27:59Oh God
28:04The Babel again
28:10Open a door
28:11Shut the door
28:13The door knocker
28:14Through the door
28:16Be quiet
28:17She's right
28:18I'm going to start
28:19Yeah
28:25Oh
28:26Harry Potter
28:27Painting
28:27Painting
28:28What's it?
28:29Pagging
28:30Oh
28:30Shh
28:31Oh
28:32Quiet
28:32The quiet place
28:33Which one?
28:34Secret
28:35Oh
28:35The chamber
28:36The secret
28:40Scottish
28:41It's good
28:42Man
28:42Scottish
28:43Duck
28:44Loch Ness Monster
28:47Harry Potter
28:48In the chamber
28:48Of
28:48Getting Arrested
28:50For Heroine
28:52Harry Potter
28:54And
28:54Oh what's the other one
28:55The
28:55Prisoner of Azkaban
28:59Well done
29:00Well done
29:01Such a soft gun
29:02Very good
29:04Good team
29:05Great work Mel
29:06Some amazing guesses
29:07From Roscoe
29:08Giving you a total
29:09Of eight points
29:10By my talent
29:11You did great too
29:12Jazzy
29:12But there were a couple
29:13From Roscoe
29:14Just out of nowhere
29:14Boom
29:15Saved it on the night
29:16Alright
29:16Team two
29:17You're up
29:18Chopper
29:18I'm going to ask you
29:19To do the miming
29:20Tomorrow
29:21Donald Trump
29:21Is set to have
29:22An historic summit
29:23With Chinese Premier
29:24Xi Jinping
29:25Something of a power couple
29:26There
29:33Chopper
29:33Charading duo
29:34You're charading duos
29:35So I have to charade
29:37Twice as much
29:37As Bill did
29:38For one answer
29:39And there's no Roscoe
29:40On your team
29:40So good luck
29:41I believe in you
29:42Chopper
29:42You have eight to beat
29:44Chopper
29:44Okay
29:45Take it away
29:46Go
29:46Three words
29:47Third word
29:48Two syllables
29:49Two word
29:51Second word
29:51Two
29:52Peace
29:52Peace
29:52War and peace
29:56Yes
29:57Swimming fish
29:58Finding Nemo
29:59Eating sushi
30:00Touch a finger
30:02Swim
30:03Swim
30:04Dive
30:05Delfin dive
30:05Turtle
30:05Turtle
30:06Turtle
30:07Turtle
30:07Open a book
30:09Eat sushi
30:10Is it sushi related
30:11Sush
30:12Shoo
30:13Fishing chips
30:14Yes
30:15Fishing chips
30:17Showering
30:18Shampoo
30:18Shampoo
30:19Conditioner
30:20Yes
30:20Oh yes
30:23Me coming out of the toilet
30:25Oh man or woman
30:26Man or woman
30:27Milking a man
30:30Getting a
30:32Stab
30:33Flip
30:33Turn
30:34Pancake
30:34Cook
30:36Grill
30:36Grill
30:37Flipping
30:37Barbecue
30:38Barbecue
30:39Bar
30:39Bar
30:40Bar
30:41Bar
30:41Bar
30:42Bar
30:42Bar
30:42Bar
30:42Bar
30:42Bar
30:47L
30:49Loser
30:50L
30:51L
30:52Alan
30:53Pete
30:53Alan
30:53Pete
30:54Correct
30:57Bugs Bunny
30:58Bunny
30:58Batman and the Joker
30:59Batman and Robin
31:00Yeah Batman and Robin
31:01Well done
31:06You got it
31:07You got it
31:08Don't look at that
31:09Look at us
31:09Look at us
31:11Look at us
31:12You got this
31:12Three words
31:13Third words
31:14Three words
31:15Third words
31:15Sounds like
31:17Sleep
31:18Nighttime
31:20Oh
31:21Hanging yourself
31:22Yeah
31:24Michael Hutchins
31:25Dream
31:25Sounds like dream
31:26Cream
31:27Coffee and
31:28Pige and cream
31:29Pige and cream
31:42Pige and cream
31:43And heroin
31:45Bird and mosquito
31:46Bird and bug
31:47Bird and what is that
31:48Land
31:48White guys with a
31:49F***ing bird
31:52Is bird the first word
31:53Bird is the first word
31:54Bird
31:55Bird and the bees
31:56Yeah, bird and the bees
31:57Yeah, bird and the bees
31:59Sorry, that was on me
32:00Screw
32:01Spaghetti and meatballs
32:02Yeah, boom
32:05Third word
32:08Red word
32:09Asshole
32:10Wanker
32:11Good kisser
32:12Good kisser
32:13Older
32:14Older
32:15Distinguished
32:16Beautiful
32:16Handsome
32:18Jeremy
32:19Corbett
32:20And Josh
32:21Corbett
32:22Corbett
32:23and
32:23Sounds like
32:25One
32:26Oh
32:28No
32:28It's a
32:29It's a
32:29Radio
32:30Guy
32:31Oh
32:32Damo and Corbett
32:33Kevin Corbett
32:34Yeah
32:37Yeah
32:37Yeah
32:39Oh
32:42Damo would be happy
32:44Oh
32:45Great round of charade the news
32:47But the winner just by one according to me
32:49You got nine team two which means you get the star
32:52Well done
32:55Oh man
32:56Okay
32:58Time for some ads now
32:59You've got a couple of minutes to put you in
33:00Put your art critic hat on because coming up is my audience could draw that on seven days
33:04See you soon
33:05Thank you
33:06Thank you
33:32Thank you
33:35Art work
33:35Are you ready team one
33:36Yes indeed
33:37We're going couples bit of a curve ball
33:38Please welcome your audience
33:40Artists
33:41Wow
33:44Great start
33:44Alright so you need to say your names, the school you went to and then once you've both
33:49done that you go and this is our picture and they'll go nuts
33:52Where you go
33:53I'm Braden and I went to Birkenhead primary school
33:55I'm Rebecca and I went to Vauxhall primary and this is our picture
34:03I'm looking at your drawing right now and are you guys still in primary school?
34:07Is that
34:08MLS
34:10There's a body
34:11There's a body
34:12There's a body
34:13There's a body on the ground
34:24There's a swarm of bees
34:27Is this this invasive bee species that's on the north shore and everyone's going I've seen
34:33the bee and then people go no that's a regular bee
34:36Could be let's ask Rebecca and Braden can you explain what you've drawn please
34:40Um so in America there was a man being evicted from his house and a lady tried to stop the
34:47eviction
34:47by unleashing her bees on the cops
34:50Mmm
34:50Yeah
34:51Look at the lovely old man being evicted here
34:54Oh yeah
34:54He's crying that's why
34:55Oh yeah
34:56And this is the cop here
34:57The bees are quite good
34:58There's been some great work
35:00Did you split that up as
35:01Seems like someone's good at drawing bees and someone's not
35:04Wow
35:05Wow
35:05I did the bees
35:06There's a pretty strong divide with who
35:08Oh
35:10Any reason for this particular design on the hat?
35:13Oh it's the high viz
35:15I didn't get it either
35:16No
35:18Probably Rebecca and Braden will sort that out on the drive home
35:22Alright hold it up look down the camera and say
35:24And this is our picture
35:25And this is our picture
35:27Yeah
35:29You can go
35:29Thank you so much Rebecca and Braden
35:32Yes an American woman is facing jail time this week after she unleashed thousands of bees
35:38On law enforcement who were trying to evict her elderly friend
35:41Police said legally they should have arrested the bees
35:44But it was just too many sets of tiny handcuffs
35:48It's amazing did they bring in the SWAT team?
35:51No
35:53How do you train bees to attack?
35:57To be honest I think you just open the hive and let the bees be bees don't you?
36:01Yeah
36:02It's like being like
36:03Oh how do I get my crocodile to eat this dog?
36:05You just put the dog next to the crocodile
36:07I don't know
36:09It's important
36:09It's a particular technique
36:10It's important to remember like this lady's bees are not like the ones we have in New Zealand
36:14Like these bees they take two or three times to turn over and figure out which way they're going
36:18Because they're US bees
36:22Very good
36:23Alright team two are you ready?
36:25Yes
36:26Team two please meet this evening's artistic couple
36:30Come on in
36:32Yes
36:32Great
36:33Oh wow
36:34Alright here we go
36:35So you know the routine
36:36Say your name
36:37The school you went to
36:38And then together this is our picture
36:40Hello my name's Fraser and I'm from North School down in Invercargill
36:44My name's Tom and I went to Woodlands Park Primary School
36:47And this is our picture
36:51Wow
36:54I'll just say first off Tom looks like a Southland me
37:00It's a beautiful picture guys a lot of bees in there so this might be similar to the last story
37:07Pretty rough graph for the child
37:10Um
37:11And this sort of orange bra on the ground or something the the pair of shoes the orange circle thing
37:19I don't know
37:21That's a bra?
37:23What?
37:23I don't want to mansplain what a bra looks like to the two ladies
37:26But um
37:27I've taken a few off and put them on the ground um
37:30During
37:31During my time
37:32After a long hard day at work
37:35I need the support guys
37:38Um
37:38Yeah
37:39I mean what
37:40Okay what is it then?
37:41Can I
37:42Sorry Jeremy
37:42Can I form my own team?
37:46Um
37:46Okay
37:47I think I've got
37:48So basically
37:48Okay
37:49So down the bottom left is clearly a couple
37:51Trying to disguise themselves as a Christmas tree
37:53And have done the zip up halfway
37:54Yes yes yes
37:55Keep going
37:56Let him cook
37:57So this is
37:58The rocket
37:59It all kind of speaks together
38:00It's
38:00Elon Musk
38:01Has got a lot of bastard children
38:04Which he doesn't want to adopt until 2026
38:07Doesn't sound likely
38:08But good luck
38:09Tom and Fraser
38:10What have you drawn please?
38:12Yeah so there's a bit going on here
38:13Yes
38:13New Zealand
38:14Is now the global leader
38:17In couples electing to not get married
38:19Oh
38:19So there's a hell of a lot of bastard children being born
38:22In fact
38:22Since 2000
38:23To 2026
38:25It's doubled
38:26Right
38:26It has doubled
38:27Okay
38:27And the orange
38:29With the white cat
38:30Mask or bra
38:31Depending on your
38:32What is that?
38:33Well all the money you save
38:34From not putting it into a wedding
38:35You can now invest into Bitcoin
38:37Bitcoin
38:37Yes that's what that is
38:38And what is going on
38:40Top left
38:41Oh someone's
38:42This is a finger
38:43What is this?
38:44A hand with a finger
38:45It's nothing else
38:46With a ring
38:47That's not happening
38:49How come Tim
38:49Oh
38:50The global couple
38:51And we got the stonedest people in the house
38:54Don't
38:54Don't put a ring on it
38:55Is what it's saying
38:56Come on man
38:56And say
38:56And this is our picture down camera
38:58And this is our picture
39:00Yes
39:01Great
39:03Thank you guys
39:04Oh great
39:05Thank you Tom
39:06Thank you Fraser
39:07Figures released by Stats NZ show that Kiwis are world leaders and not getting married
39:11Marriages and civil unions were down 3% in 2025
39:14And that continues the decline in nuptials that's been going on for nearly 50 years
39:19Divorce rates are up too
39:21Not me and my wife though
39:22Whatever her name is
39:22We're solid as a rock
39:24I think probably the hard part about trying to get married in bloody New Zealand
39:28Every time you get the ring out Frodo scampers in
39:33I think maybe you're just too happy here for marriage
39:36I think that's what I'm learning
39:38Do you know
39:38You've got a very good quality of life
39:41But back home in Scotland where everyone's miserable
39:43You just want to find someone else to drag into the darkness
39:50I think the problem is it's so hard to get an engagement ring these days
39:53Because Michael Hill's put all those bollards up around his shop
39:55Yeah
39:57Oh my god
39:57I tried to get a ring from there the other day
40:00I went through five Subaru WRXs
40:05People can't afford a wedding
40:07People can't even afford parties these days
40:08I went to a costume party recently
40:10And the theme was Hallensteins
40:14Weddings are so expensive as well
40:15Do you know
40:16We had to go the cheap option for our wedding photographer
40:19And we ended up booking someone who I only found out on the day
40:23Had never photographed a wedding before
40:25Because she'd only been a horse photographer
40:30And there were clues on the day
40:32I should have noticed
40:33Like when my wife was walking down the aisle
40:34She had to jump a small hedge to get to the end
40:40Alright, great round of my audience could draw that
40:42For points Team 1 you can have 486
40:44That's the amount of power taken from Hikarangi Marine Reserve
40:47Resulted in a Christchurch man getting sentenced to four months detention
40:51Team 2
40:51Total minutes of film Peter Jackson has made in his career
40:54Got an honorary Palme d'Or in Cannes this week
40:56Not sure how many he's made but it's way more than 486 minutes
40:59Which means the star for this round goes to Team 2
41:01Well done
41:05Alright, you at home
41:06It wouldn't be fair for our comedians
41:08For them to have all the fun
41:09It's your turn for a burger-fueled brain grill
41:12Have a look at this
41:12This is also up on our socials
41:15So head to Facebook or Instagram
41:16Chuck up a caption that fills in the blanks for that
41:18The best answer will win $100 a burger fuel
41:21Which tastes all the sweeter with the knowledge
41:23You're funnier than most of the country
41:24Alright, just one more part to go
41:26Join us back here for captions
41:27Find out who is walking away with our homemade Hantavirus vaccine
41:31See you in a tick
41:43Welcome back to Aotearoa
41:45This is still seven days
41:46I thought we'd round out the evening with a game of captions
41:49I'll show the team some of the weirdest and wildest photos from the week
41:51All they have to do is try and guess the correct caption
41:54Team 1, you are up first
41:55What is the caption for this picture?
41:57Um, no, the caption is
41:59Things not going well for Schrodinger's cat
42:05Also going well at the same time
42:07Is it Snoop Dogg's hamster arrives at customs?
42:12Is this Corbett destroys his computer after the Epstein files come out?
42:19Is this Susie Cato's affordable cremation services out of
42:23That is members of the Mexican army
42:26Specialists in toxic substances
42:28Participate in the first national earthquake drill
42:30Quite obvious
42:32Team 2, your turn now
42:33Here's the picture
42:34What is the caption please?
42:35Ooh, FIFA announces shocking new ball design
42:39My first day here at the zoo
42:41But I'm pretty sure these are called rat lobsters
42:46Is this a man starting to suspect he's been adopted?
42:53Caption there is
42:53The zookeeper kneels next to the six banded armadillos
42:56Amelie and Falco at Hagenbeck Zoo in Hamburg
42:59Back to you Team 1
43:00Give me the caption for this photo please
43:01Oh, is this a new VR headset for dogs
43:05Where they can hunt people's legs from the privacy of their own?
43:08Is this, uh, Collie Flowers?
43:14It's just come on for God's sake!
43:18Is this, um, is this Corbett's dog prepare themselves
43:22For his game of find the peanut butter?
43:29You don't know where it is, that's your brains
43:32Good luck took me like three hours
43:37And I was hunting really strongly
43:39Yeah, yeah, yeah
43:41Okay, the real caption there
43:43Dogs wearing goggles pose for a photo at a tulip farm
43:46In Niagara-on-the-Lake, Ontario
43:48Last one for you Team 2, I hope you're ready for this
43:51Tell me what the caption is for this photo
43:54Um...
43:55Is it a Chris Luxon themed chessboard?
44:02Is it, uh, Stephen Joyce trying to pick who hit him out of a line-up?
44:09Is it, is it, whoa, those skydivers are in for a nasty landing?
44:15Is it, is it a man being mugged by sea cucumbers?
44:21Is it, um, once we, once we can teach these dildos to open jars we don't need men anymore?
44:30That is, uh, we could go all night with this
44:32But no, um, how does activists play a game of ring toss during a dildo themed ice protest
44:37Outside the detention facility in Broadview, Illinois
44:40And for captions, I'm gonna give the star to Team 2
44:43Well done Team 2
44:47All right, and with that star awarded and some quick maths
44:49We can all see tonight's winner is...
44:52Team 2
44:54There you go
44:56There you go
44:57There's your chemistry
44:59That is great
45:00Congratulations on being some of the first people in the world to receive my patented, ground-breaking experimental medicine
45:06Just line up over here and we will get started with the application
45:09That is all from us this week
45:11Thank you for being you
45:12And please join me in thanking Mel, Roscoe, Jazzy, Josh, Bailey and Chopper
45:16We'll see you on 7A's on 7A's Good Night
45:19Okay
45:20Who's up first?
45:25Hey, thank you New Zealand I'm here
45:27All right then, you're done
45:28All right, you're done
45:34No, I'm here
45:34Thank you
45:35You're done
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