- 2 days ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:09Music
01:00Watch that suitcase, David.
01:02If it's left unattended, it'll probably be taken away and exploded by the Federalist.
01:06It looks as though it already has been.
01:08It's moments like this when I just wish we had matching luggage.
01:11We can't afford matching luggage and an expensive holiday.
01:14I wouldn't miss about it if we had a few labels on the cases.
01:18Dubrovnik.
01:19You what?
01:20Nairobi.
01:20Sri Lanka.
01:21We haven't even been there.
01:23He'll know that, won't he, when he looks at the passports.
01:25What's he going to think?
01:27I just wish I'd travel more.
01:29You've been to Malaya.
01:31That was National Service, Amy.
01:33I had a gun in my hand.
01:36Most of the time.
01:37Well, don't worry about it.
01:39Just keep your finger on that class, unless you want the whole world to catch a glimpse
01:42of those pyjamas.
01:45I wonder if anybody speaks English.
01:48Of course somebody speaks English.
01:50Well, I haven't heard an English voice since we left the bus.
01:52There must be some English people about.
01:55They say you can always pick an Englishman out.
01:58How?
01:58By his baggy trousers.
01:59By his baggy trousers.
02:09Buonas dias.
02:10No, no, no.
02:11Passportes, senor.
02:12Passportes, senor.
02:14Fill this garden, please.
02:15More forms.
02:18Got a pen?
02:20A pen?
02:21I'll do it, David.
02:26Your first time abroad, senor.
02:29No, no, no, no, no.
02:32New passport.
02:33Fill the other one up.
02:35Big Hollywood.
02:36Sri Lanka, last year.
02:38Pardon?
02:39Sri La...
02:40Never mind.
02:42Would you wait over there?
02:43Un momento.
02:44Someone will come for your luggage.
02:45No, no, that's all right.
02:46I can carry it.
02:47Please, wait.
03:00Everybody seems to be staring at us.
03:02What is that case?
03:03Probably think we're a Basque separatist.
03:06It's because we're English.
03:07There's probably been another run on the pound.
03:09Nothing.
03:11Hey.
03:12Now look at that woman coming down the stairs over there.
03:15Typically French.
03:16She's German.
03:18She's French.
03:19Bonjour.
03:20Ah, you're English.
03:22I thought so.
03:23Bonjour.
03:24My name's Linda.
03:25Linda Cochran.
03:26David.
03:26David Pierce.
03:27This is my wife.
03:28Amy Pierce.
03:28Hello.
03:29So glad to meet somebody from England.
03:31My husband's been in the Slough of Despond ever since he arrived.
03:34He can't find anyone to talk to.
03:35I do hope you'll join us for a drink later.
03:37Oh, yes.
03:38Yes.
03:38We look forward to that.
03:40Senor?
03:41Is that your case?
03:42What?
03:44No.
03:45No, that's not my case.
03:46David, of course that's your case.
03:49Oh, that one.
03:50Yes.
03:50Yes, that is my case.
03:51I'll, I will take that.
03:54See you later, then.
03:56Yes.
04:08Oh, cheer up, David.
04:09We're on holiday.
04:10Cheer up?
04:11Is that all you can say after my underwear has just been strewn all over the hotel flyer?
04:14I can never show my face ever again.
04:16Well, we should just have to have all our meals in our room and go for walks at midnight.
04:21It could have happened to anybody.
04:23It happened to me, Amy.
04:24And I don't know what that, that Linda must have thought.
04:27Oh, I wouldn't worry about her.
04:28Come here, David.
04:30Now, smell that.
04:31Do you know what that is?
04:32That's bougainvillea and sweet honeysuckle.
04:35And listen, do you hear that?
04:37Those are the cicadas.
04:38Thousands of little grasshoppers rubbing their back legs together just for you, David.
04:42And we've got a balcony and a view of the sea, not just any old sea, the Mediterranean Sea.
04:49Oh, it's just as we imagined it, David.
04:52Oh, you're quite right, love.
04:54So, my suitcase fell open.
04:56It could have happened to anybody.
04:57I'm not going to let that spoil all of you.
04:59Oh, that's the spirit.
05:07Oh, dear.
05:08What's the matter?
05:09I forgot to pack your shoes.
05:12What?
05:14You've done what?
05:15You mean I've got to get through the holiday with one pair of shoes?
05:18But they've got holes in.
05:19What would people say?
05:21They'll think I've walked here.
05:24Just keep your feet firmly planted on the ground.
05:27Suppose it rains.
05:28Oh, the rain in Spain stays mainly on the plain.
05:30Not with my luck, Julie Andrews.
05:32Now, David, you're tired.
05:35You've had a long journey.
05:37Things will look better in the morning.
05:40Look, why don't we have something sent up?
05:43After all, this is supposed to be our second honeymoon,
05:45and you know the effect hotel bedrooms have on me.
05:48What?
05:49Do you remember our first night?
05:51I was so nervous.
05:53Well, I don't know why.
05:54We'd had enough rehearsals.
05:56Oh!
05:58Hey, listen, listen.
05:59Do you hear that?
06:00Somebody's playing the guitar down there.
06:02Oh, it's the flamenco.
06:04Just as I imagined.
06:05Oh, quack!
06:06Where are you going?
06:07Now, that's Spain down there, and I'm going to get a slice.
06:09I want to see it, touch it, taste it.
06:11I'll get the sangria.
06:13You, hurry up with that unpacking, Amy.
06:17No, no, no.
06:18Why?
06:18What?
06:19Because they call me by here, by here, by here.
06:21Come on.
06:22Come on.
06:22Come on.
06:23Come on.
06:28Come on.
06:30Hello.
06:32Linda.
06:33Hello, David.
06:34Where's your wife?
06:36Oh, unpacking.
06:38Neat, little creature.
06:39Where's your husband?
06:40Oh, Robert, he's in the bar, trying to recreate Bournemouth.
06:43Oh.
06:45Perhaps you'd care to join me in a glass of sangria?
06:48I'd love to, David.
06:50It's rather nice, isn't it?
06:51Oh, I never drink anything else.
06:52Oh, when I'm in Spain.
06:53Sangria dos, por favor.
06:56Sangria dos.
06:57Oh, this music is very good.
06:59Is it?
06:59Oh, yes.
07:01Genuine flamenco.
07:03The real Spain, full of passion, the scent of flowers.
07:07The orange blossom.
07:07White walled gardens, the trailing vines.
07:10Yes.
07:10Did you come here last year?
07:13Sorry?
07:14To Spain?
07:16No, no, not last year.
07:18We went to Italy.
07:19Amalfi.
07:20Ah, Amalfi.
07:21Have you been there?
07:22Amalfi.
07:24Not recently.
07:26Well, where have you been recently?
07:30Malaya.
07:31Malaya.
07:32Oh, how exciting.
07:34Yes, it was.
07:35Oh, I can see you're a real traveler.
07:37Senora.
07:38Oh, gracias.
07:41No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
07:46I must say it's nice to meet someone who really knows the country.
07:53Robert's so insular.
07:54He hates holidays.
07:56A workaholic, I'm afraid.
07:57His doctor ordered him to rest.
07:59Well, same with me, working under pressure.
08:02I, uh, I have been under considerable strain.
08:06Yes, you look as if you've been under considerable strain.
08:09It shows in your face.
08:10Well, that's very sensitive of you, Linda.
08:13I'm a sensitive person.
08:14I thought so.
08:16I was thinking of taking a look at the gardens later on.
08:20Having trouble, Linda?
08:21No, no, Robert.
08:23This is David.
08:25Oh, sorry.
08:26Thought you were German.
08:29Welcome to Stalag Luft 7th.
08:31Oh, don't you like the hotel?
08:33Too many crowds.
08:35Robert.
08:36Still, it's not as bad as the place you went to last year.
08:38Ah, a mouthy.
08:40Was it?
08:41There, the food was appalling.
08:43Here it is merely foul.
08:44Were you in for dinner?
08:45No, no, no.
08:45We've, uh, lucky man.
08:46We had the pie alone.
08:48I don't know how they had the nerve to serve it.
08:50I wouldn't mind, but I'm here for my health.
08:52Doctor's orders.
08:53You must be mad.
08:54You need to be fit for a holiday like this.
08:56Well, if the food doesn't get you, the heat will.
08:58As you can see, Robert doesn't really like holidays.
09:00All I can say, um, David, that's right.
09:04Grit your teeth and hang on.
09:06Only two more weeks to go.
09:08David was suggesting a walk around the gardens.
09:10Oh, just, just, you, to get another place.
09:14I wouldn't do that if I were you.
09:15You wouldn't?
09:16There's a rabid dog out there.
09:17It isn't rabid.
09:20It's foaming at the mouth, Linda.
09:22One minute from there, it'd be two weeks in bed in the course of injections.
09:26Isn't that the Paso Doble?
09:28Is it, my God, this'll bring the dagos out of the woodwork.
09:33They'll be capering around like mad.
09:35I'm going back to the bar.
09:35Now, Robert, do you mind if I, uh, dance with your wife?
09:39Well, I'm not going to dance with her.
09:44Yara!
09:49Oh, yara!
09:55Yara!
10:04Oh, worry up, Amy.
10:05We want to get a table by the pool, we promised Linda.
10:08Can't we relax for a moment, David?
10:09I haven't got over breakfast yet.
10:11I've never fought so hard for food in my life.
10:15Yeah, so, of course, Linda always has her breakfast in her room.
10:18It is extra, but, uh, Linda says it's worth it.
10:21Linda says it's very, uh, tranquil.
10:24Breakfast on the balcony.
10:25Looking out to sea, watching those little fishing boats pitting their puny strength against the waves.
10:34Linda says that she never gets tired of looking at the sea.
10:40You know, Linda says that if...
10:42Five times you've mentioned that woman's name.
10:48That woman?
10:50Do you mean Linda?
10:51Six.
10:53I should like to point out that it's not very flattering.
10:56This is supposed to be our second honeymoon.
10:57There was even light-hearted talk of carrying me across the threshold.
11:00Oh, what, with my knee?
11:02It didn't seem to worry you much when you were doing the Paso Doble.
11:04Now, it clicked a couple of times, Amy.
11:07More than I have.
11:09You what?
11:10How do you think I felt coming down to find that woman hanging round your neck like a vampire?
11:15Well, I was simply being friendly.
11:17I mean, after all, we English should stick together.
11:19How close do you intend to stick, David?
11:22Now, Amy, must you be so jealous?
11:25Oh, who said I was jealous?
11:28I'm not jealous, not of a vampire.
11:32I've never been jealous in my life.
11:34Well, that's all right, then.
11:35Right, what's this number on your cigarette packet?
11:39What number?
11:39127. What's that?
11:41I don't know.
11:42David, you don't write a number on a cigarette packet without any reason.
11:45Now, what's it for?
11:46Well, I can't think.
11:48Uh, one, one, two, seven.
11:51Well, I wonder what it's for.
11:52It's very strange.
11:54Well, I'll tell you one thing.
11:55I, uh, I shan't rest until I find out.
11:59Yes.
12:00See.
12:01Good morning.
12:02Oh, good morning, Linda.
12:05Did you, uh, did you sleep well?
12:06Oh, don't ask, David.
12:08When I got up to my room last night, I could have died.
12:10I switched on the light,
12:12and I saw something small and dark scuttle under the bed.
12:15It wasn't that little wine waiter, was it?
12:19I was, I was terrified.
12:21Of course, Robert was still in the bar.
12:24Hardly slept a wink.
12:25I must look old as the hills, David.
12:26Oh, nonsense.
12:27She looked fresh as a daisy.
12:29Doesn't she, Amy?
12:31LAUGHTER
12:33Amy.
12:34Oh, I think we'd better get down there
12:36before those Germans take all the sun lounges.
12:38Oh, and, Linda, if it happens again,
12:40don't stay there all by yourself.
12:42Give us a ring and we'll come down.
12:44Oh, that's very nice of you.
12:45Not at all.
12:46After all, we English should stick together,
12:49shouldn't we, David?
12:51Our number's 230.
12:53What's yours?
12:53Oh, 127.
12:55Oh.
12:57Go on, go on.
12:58Go on.
12:59APPLAUSE
13:20And when she owned it, it was a frozen chicken.
13:23Oh, no!
13:24Where's Robert?
13:25Oh, he's having an early round.
13:27Early round?
13:28I don't know how he does it.
13:30I thought he'd had enough last night.
13:33Linda is referring to a round of golf.
13:36Oh.
13:38Sorry.
13:39I often wish I'd taken it off.
13:40You?
13:41Yes.
13:42You always said golf was snobbish.
13:45No, no, I didn't.
13:46It's just that tennis has always been my game.
13:48Tennis?
13:49Now, this is terribly exciting, David.
13:50Oh.
13:51I've been dying to play tennis ever since I arrived.
13:53I just can't find anyone to play with.
13:55Well, look no further, Linda.
13:56But you don't play tennis, Ellie.
13:59You haven't played since your strings went.
14:04No, but I'm seriously thinking you've taken it up again.
14:07Well, I don't know why.
14:08You're too old for Wimbledon.
14:10Besides, I thought we were going to see the country.
14:12Now, we can't do that if you're going to play tennis.
14:14Now, don't worry, love.
14:15Don't worry.
14:15We'll see the country.
14:16Well, of course.
14:17You must come with us.
14:18We've hired a car.
14:19Oh, that's smashing.
14:20Yes, one doesn't want to sit sunbathing all day, does one?
14:23No, I suppose one does not.
14:26We visited Pompeii last year.
14:28That was terribly fascinating.
14:30Oh, yes.
14:30I can imagine it was.
14:32All those bodies covered in volcanic lava.
14:35Apparently, one couple were actually making love when it happened.
14:39Oh, you mean they were actually...
14:41They must have been lost in ecstasy, not caring if the world ended.
14:46And when it did, they were locked together in an immortal embrace for over 2,000 years.
14:52Oh, now, Linda, that really is very moving.
14:56Moving's the word.
14:57They wouldn't have caught you hanging around, not with a volcano.
15:01First puff of smoke and you'd be on with your braces.
15:05Amy, what are you doing with that camera?
15:08I'm going to take a picture, David.
15:10I'm going to start recording everything that happens on our holiday.
15:13All the interesting people we meet.
15:16Do you mind if I take your picture, Linda?
15:18Mine?
15:19Of course you can, Amy.
15:21Although I don't know why everyone always wants to take my photograph.
15:25Where would you like me?
15:26Um, why not silhouetted against the fountain?
15:32Or better still, why not sitting on the wall?
15:35Amy, perhaps I'd better take that.
15:37No, the last time you used this camera, you took a picture of your left ear.
15:41I'm back a bit, I think, Linda.
15:43I'm right on the edge, Amy.
15:44If I go any further back, I'll be in the water.
15:46That's right.
15:49Oh, that's lovely.
15:50Now let me see if I've got my light right.
16:06Oh, Linda, what, what, oh, Linda, what can I say?
16:11If people are going to push other people into the water, they should make quite sure those
16:15people aren't wearing expensive watches.
16:17Oh, but Linda, it was an accident.
16:18Accident?
16:19I'm not so sure.
16:20There was a wild gleam in her eye.
16:22In fact, she's been acting strangely ever since she arrived.
16:24Oh, yes, it's a heat stroke.
16:26Heat stroke?
16:27She's only been here a day, David.
16:28Yes, but it doesn't take very long for the heat to get through to Amy.
16:30She's very susceptible to the solar rays.
16:33It makes her unpredictable.
16:35She'll, she'll be all right, though, once, once I get her a hat.
16:38When I get her a sombrero, then perhaps we'll all be safe.
16:42She's not jealous, is she?
16:44Jealous?
16:44Oh, good heavens no.
16:46What's she got to be jealous about?
16:49Oh, hello, Robert.
16:51Just got wet.
16:52I'm just drying off.
16:54Do you know how much this cost?
16:57Six hundred pesetas.
16:59That's what that cost in the bar.
17:00I could have had three for that in Bournemouth.
17:03I'd watch that crowd down there if I were you, Peter.
17:05It's David.
17:06Is he?
17:07What?
17:08Oh, this is David.
17:10Oh.
17:11Even then I had a job to get served.
17:13The place was full of Germans.
17:14Well, of course, they got a prodigious thirst, the Germans.
17:17All that exercise.
17:17All that bouncing up and down on the beach every morning.
17:20Strength through joy.
17:21I told one of them.
17:23I said, Hans, the only thing I am going to exercise on this holiday is the old elbow.
17:28Of course, it didn't understand a word I was saying.
17:31You're wet.
17:32Yes, I've been in the water, Robert.
17:34Yes, well, I'd better get back and check on Amy's heat exhaustion.
17:39Heat exhaustion?
17:40What did I tell you?
17:41If the food doesn't get you, the heat will.
17:43Well, I'll see you in the bar later, Peter.
17:45David.
17:46Bring him along as well.
17:49We English have got to stick together.
17:53Hello, Robert.
17:54Hello, Mary.
17:55Amy, Linda, I really must apologise.
17:57I didn't mean to bump into you.
17:59When you came out of that fountain looking like a drowned rat, I felt so ashamed.
18:04A drowned rat?
18:05David is so angry and I don't want to do anything to set him back.
18:09Well, has there been something wrong?
18:11He's not been well, I'm afraid.
18:14He looks perfectly fit to me.
18:16Oh, you should see him back in England in November when he's walking with a stick.
18:22What?
18:23Yes, that's why we came here, because of the arthritis.
18:27Arthritis?
18:28In the knee and the back.
18:30But the sun does him an awful lot of good.
18:32Really hoping we might have a trouble-free winter this year.
18:36It'll be so good for the children.
18:39David adores the children.
18:41He's a real family man.
18:43He likes nothing better than playing with the children.
18:46Of course, he hasn't been able to do much of that lately, not with the arthritis.
18:50He just totters down the garden and watches them and they help him out into the sun when it's a
18:57fine day.
18:59I didn't realise there'd been anything wrong.
19:01Well, appearances can be so deceptive, can't they?
19:05Actually, before we decided to come here, we were thinking of going to Lourdes.
19:11Lourdes?
19:12Yes.
19:14So, you see, the idea of tennis is really out of the question, isn't it?
19:26Oh, I thought that meal was superb.
19:28Did you enjoy it, David?
19:29Oh, yes.
19:30What about you, love?
19:31Robert?
19:32I'll let you know later.
19:34Hasn't hit the vital parts yet.
19:37Rubbery bits.
19:38Squid.
19:39Good Lord.
19:40Just smell that honeysuckle.
19:42Oh, listen to the guitar.
19:43It's so romantic.
19:45It's so exotic here, isn't it, David?
19:47Oh, yes, very.
19:48I saw our milkman this morning.
19:53What, here?
19:54Yes, I saw him bobbing up and down in the water, just his head.
19:58Are you sure?
20:00Well, he hadn't got his milk float, but I recognise him.
20:03We waved to each other.
20:04Well, I shouldn't think our milkman could afford this hotel, Amy.
20:08Neither can we.
20:11But surely Malaya must have been much more expensive, Amy.
20:15Malaya?
20:16Yes, David was telling me about your holiday in Malaya.
20:18That must have cost a great deal.
20:20Oh, no.
20:21David did it rather cheaply, as a matter of fact.
20:24Really?
20:24I must say, I think you were plucky to go with your susceptibility to the heat.
20:29What?
20:29Yes.
20:30You ought to watch that, Amy.
20:32It took me a week before I could manage to walk to the post office.
20:35Oh, but this is nothing after Malaya.
20:39The heat, the smells, the sweat.
20:43Sounds dreadful.
20:45Yes, it was.
20:46But I think it brought us closer together.
20:48And there were those incredible sunsets.
20:52Do you remember those nights under the mosquito netting, darling?
20:55Oh, nothing could deter us.
20:58Not even the threat of Malaya.
21:00Do any, um, shooting?
21:02Did he do any shooting?
21:05You never had a rifle out of your hand, did you, David?
21:07Well, that's remarkable, David, considering your disability.
21:12Disability?
21:14The arthritis.
21:16Amy was telling me about the stick.
21:19What stick?
21:23My, is that the time?
21:25Doesn't it fly when you're having fun?
21:27Amy?
21:30Oh, uh, excuse me.
21:32Oh, sorry.
21:34Hmm.
21:34Funny chap.
21:36Do you know he's got a hole in his shoe?
21:42Amy?
21:44How could you have left me like that?
21:45Leaving me to climb the stairs unassisted.
21:50And I haven't even got my walking frame with me.
21:53Do you like my hat?
21:54No.
21:55Now, what was the idea making out that I was some kind of decrepit old invalid?
21:58And what about Malaya?
22:00Why do you have to keep trying to impress her, David?
22:02She'll make a fool of you.
22:03Aren't you forgetting something?
22:04I've been made a fool of already.
22:06You know what brought us here.
22:07My redundancy money.
22:08But that's nothing to be ashamed of, David.
22:10There are three million unemployed.
22:11That doesn't mean that I have to be one of them.
22:13I worked for 20 years with that firm on a low salary
22:15because it was a safe job with prospects.
22:19Prospects.
22:20I worked hard.
22:21I saved.
22:22I never went abroad.
22:23The kids went abroad.
22:24Oh, yes.
22:25They went to Italy, Germany, France.
22:27And I find them in their bedroom smoking guloise
22:29and talking about Montmartre.
22:31I couldn't even afford a day trip to Boulogne.
22:34Oh.
22:34Now, now, I'm going to tell you something now.
22:37Yesterday, when we flew over the bay into Malaga
22:39and I looked down and I saw the blue Mediterranean
22:42and those white-walled houses,
22:44I could have cried.
22:46Oh, David, I'm so sorry.
22:49I didn't know you felt like that.
22:52I just thought you were trying to impress her.
22:54Oh.
22:55What if I was?
22:57Getting to know an attractive woman
22:58is about the only adventure that's left to me.
23:01Well, get to know me.
23:07I know you.
23:10Where are you going?
23:12I'm going to get drunk.
23:22David.
23:24Yes?
23:26David, you're absolutely right.
23:29I shouldn't have said those things about your knee.
23:32It's a lovely knee.
23:35Probably last you for years yet.
23:38I just wanted us to be together, that's all.
23:41And I won't be jealous ever again, I promise.
23:46Here's to us, David.
23:50Cheers.
23:53Whose is this glass?
23:55You are.
23:56I know you were going to get drunk,
23:57but you don't need two glasses, David.
23:59David, have you got my drink?
24:01Linda, is this yours?
24:03Oh, that's all right.
24:04I'll get another from the bar.
24:08What were you two doing out here?
24:11It was just very warm in there.
24:12We just wanted to cool off.
24:14What a good idea.
24:16Why don't you do that, David?
24:47Well, what a good idea.
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