- 10 hours ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Thank you for listening!
00:44you're the one that I want
00:48what are you doing?
00:50I'm admiring that sometimes it's not bad is it
00:51hey no you could take me for one of the local fishermen
00:54a few tattoos on the arm
00:55one of those silver medallions glinting against the skin
00:58an earring perhaps? oh it's amazing
01:00what a suntan can do
01:01well I wouldn't get too attached to it David
01:03it'll be a pile of dead skin in a couple of weeks
01:05not if I can help it
01:07hey I can't wait to see their faces
01:09at the corner shop when I walk in with this tan
01:12eee where have you been Mr. Pierce?
01:14my beer
01:15eee my bella
01:18gulps of astonishment all round
01:20grocer catches hand in bacon slicer
01:22ba-chunk! bing!
01:23you know you don't get a tan like this in Skegness Amy
01:27oh look at those teeth
01:28the tan certainly makes them gleam
01:30mind you I've always had good teeth
01:32must make plenty of calcium
01:33not bad eh senora?
01:35better looking than any man deserves to be David
01:37thank you
01:37people at the corner shop think you're in league with the devil
01:40all I'm saying is I don't look bad for a man of 40
01:435
01:4547 David
01:46oh you certainly know how to wound Amy
01:48now come on be honest do you think I look my age?
01:50no
01:51see
01:51you look older
01:53you're what?
01:54oh I'm sorry I didn't mean that
01:56it's just that every time I look round
01:57you're either the swim in the length of the pool
01:59or doing press ups or leaping over somebody
02:01I thought we came on holiday to relax
02:03but I don't want to relax Amy
02:04I want to get fit
02:05shed a few pounds
02:06get lighter on the feet
02:07what for?
02:08so you can leap around Linda?
02:10I don't leap around Linda
02:11yes you do
02:13I've seen wire haired terriers with more self control
02:17in fact when she's being particularly nice to you
02:20I half expect you to roll on your back and kick your legs in the air
02:23just because Linda and I don't lounge about in the sun all day
02:26because we believe in keeping fit
02:27as Linda says
02:29you look after your body
02:30and your body will look after you
02:33well that's what she says is it?
02:36David whose body are you looking after?
02:39mine
02:39well that's alright then
02:41do you think she looks her age?
02:43who?
02:43Linda
02:43no
02:44what is her age?
02:46I don't know
02:46well how do you know she doesn't look it?
02:47she could be 16
02:49oh don't be ridiculous Amy
02:50Linda looks young because of the yoga
02:52oh yes I've seen her at the yoga
02:54down by the pool all in knots staring up her own bottom
02:58she looks like a stranded squid
03:01as a matter of fact she's very good at it
03:03she can do some astonishing thing for the body
03:05yes I'm sure she can
03:07it requires a great deal of control
03:09you should try it you know
03:11do you good
03:12oh you mean next time she makes a pass at my husband
03:15I should assume the lotus position
03:17I mean that Linda has discovered the secret of inner tranquility
03:20that's why she looks so young
03:22oh I thought it was because she put slices of cucumber on her eyelids every night
03:26and covered herself with olive oil
03:28poor Robert
03:29must be like going to bed with a tossed green salad
03:33still I suppose it's handy if you're hungry in the night
03:35she doesn't do that
03:37oh yes she does she told me when she was advising me on how to get rid of my crow's
03:42feet
03:43didn't know I had any till then
03:45do you think I look my age
03:49no
03:49you hesitated
03:50no I didn't
03:51what were you doing counting the wrinkles
03:53no
03:53you think I'm a withered old prune don't you
03:56of course I don't love
03:56I could see it in your eyes David
03:58they're just a few laugh lines love that's all
04:01I don't know how they got there
04:03I've nothing to laugh about
04:06oh I have had a hard life David
04:08I was two inches taller before I married you
04:11that's right I knew I'd get the blame
04:14I don't look too bad for a woman of 37
04:1739 Amy
04:18all right but I still look younger than Linda does
04:21you know she's one of those women that will age dramatically probably overnight
04:25she'll wake up one morning looking like something out of Lost Horizon
04:28wandering around gnashing her toothless old gums
04:31oh give it a kiss
04:34I on the other hand will have a beautiful old age
04:37oh of course you will Amy
04:38of course you will
04:39but I haven't reached it yet
04:41Allah see you down there
04:43and you can tell that to the green salad
04:58what are you looking at
04:59can't you see it there on the wall
05:02oh yes what is it
05:04I think it's a praying mantis
05:06good lord
05:09no pass me a magazine I'll swat it
05:12no you won't
05:13it's most unusual very rare
05:15do you realise when we get home
05:17we'll be able to say we shared a room with a praying mantis
05:20yes Linda I don't expect to have to share a room with anyone
05:23not of these prices
05:25it's certainly not with a praying mantis
05:27it probably bites
05:28no it doesn't
05:29perfectly harmless
05:30unless you happen to be another praying mantis
05:32did you know that after they've mated
05:35the female devours the male
05:37what you mean eats it
05:40bites his head off
05:42good lord
05:43no wonder he's praying
05:47no I think that's the female
05:49waiting to devour the male
05:50what do you mean
05:51he comes along and gives his all
05:54she bites his head off
05:56it's the law of nature Robert
05:57once he's served his purpose
05:58that's what happened
05:59hey but does it have to be eaten our rumbling though
06:01I mean it's
06:03oh it's hideous
06:04not to another praying mantis
06:07put you off sex for life
06:10oh hello Robert
06:13something the matter
06:14do you know what that is
06:16praying mantis
06:17really
06:19oh I never know that praying mantis look like that
06:21yeah ugly looking brute isn't it
06:24after they've mated
06:25the female devours the male
06:27I didn't know that
06:29no head first David
06:30that's the female up there
06:32what's he doing now
06:33I think it's saying grace
06:36morning
06:37shh
06:38what's the matter
06:39do you know what Robert's found on the wall
06:40praying mantis
06:42oh
06:43are you going to swat it
06:44no no no
06:45Linda won't let me
06:46oh it's a pet
06:47oh no
06:48it's very rare
06:50did you know that after they've mated
06:52the female devours the male
06:54yes
06:55and I've got to share a room with it
06:56morning Linda
06:57I see you're admiring my praying mantis
06:59see how it sits in attitude of prayer
07:02that's how it got its name
07:03and did you know after they've mated
07:05yes Linda
07:05yes I told them that
07:06don't you find that fascinating Amy
07:09yes
07:09it reminds me of somebody
07:12can't imagine who Linda
07:14should we
07:15should we get down to the terrace
07:16I'll
07:16I'll get the beds
07:17go on
07:26what are you looking at David
07:29Amy I've got my sunglasses on
07:30how do you know I'm looking at anything
07:32your toes are wiggling
07:35you're watching Linda aren't you
07:37yes I am as a matter of fact
07:38oh she's very good isn't she
07:40very supple
07:42yeah she's quite right David
07:45and she doesn't look like a stranded squid
07:47no of course not
07:48she looks like that praying mantis
07:52that
07:53happens to be the lotus position
07:54she can hold that for ages
07:56is that because she's got such tiny petals
07:59there's no need to scoff
08:00no you couldn't do it
08:01I don't want to do it
08:03you ought to get Linda to teach you
08:04yoga would do you good
08:05help you to relax
08:06I'm perfectly relaxed David
08:08I am now in what is known as the clapped out position
08:11and I shall shortly move into the snooze position
08:16I have no intention of throwing myself about in this heat
08:22well I didn't come on holiday to sit about all day
08:27oh excuse me
08:28what shades
08:29celebrating
08:33hello Linda
08:35have you achieved inner tranquility yet
08:38oh yes
08:40yes
08:40thought so
08:42wish I could
08:43you should try yoga David
08:45it keeps the body supple
08:47oh
08:47it certainly does
08:48I think the body is a gift we should treasure
08:50a sort of sacred temple we live in all our lives
08:54now that's very profound Linda
08:56you do say some very profound things
08:58thank you David
08:59it's like a house
09:01if we neglect it
09:02it falls down
09:03right
09:03absolutely right
09:04I think my bay window needs a bit of work
09:09nonsense David
09:10you've got a very good body
09:12no
09:12no I haven't
09:14yes you have
09:14no
09:16you're just saying that
09:18but you have David
09:19broad shoulders
09:21deep chest
09:22strong arms
09:23lean hips
09:23what about
09:24what about the legs
09:26oh yes
09:26you've got beautiful legs
09:27I've always had good legs
09:29oh your legs are marvellous
09:30in fact you're in very good shape
09:31not bad
09:33not like poor old Robert over there
09:35oh he's really neglecting himself
09:36too much drinking
09:37too much smoking
09:38all those expense account lunches
09:41hey
09:41if he was the house
09:42he'd have been condemned years ago
09:46watch this
09:51come on Robert
09:51what about a few press-ups
09:53I don't want to do press-ups
09:55cartwheels
09:55leapfrog
09:56anybody for leapfrog
09:57in this heat you must be mad
09:59oh come on Robert
10:00I'm very good at leapfrog
10:01oh no not the dreaded leapfrog
10:03oh excuse me
10:04er
10:04gracia
10:05er
10:05danke
10:06danke
10:06this way
10:07would you just come this way please
10:08just this way please
10:09remain here there
10:10thank you
10:11would you just
10:12bang
10:14watered
10:14and would you
10:16wonderful
10:18David
10:18what are you doing with that waiter
10:20oh they do this all the time
10:21you know
10:23yeah
10:23what are you doing with that
10:24is
10:25oh
10:28yeah
10:29yeah
10:32yeah
10:32yeah
10:33yeah
10:33yeah
10:33yeah
10:33yeah
11:01Oh, I'm sure you're all right, David.
11:03Oh, of course I'm all right, Linda, thank you. I just took a tumble, that's all.
11:06You lay very still, David.
11:08Well, I couldn't get out with that waiter on top of me, could I? I was just winded, that was
11:11all.
11:11But you went so pale.
11:13Oh, no, no. Well, I was taught to fall in the army, you know, jumping off fast-moving trucks.
11:17I've always been able to fall.
11:19Fall? You went down like a sack of potatoes.
11:22Well, that's how you should go down with the whole body to absorb the shock.
11:24I wonder why the ground shook. Now, come and lie down.
11:26Now, just stop fussing, Amy.
11:28You must be made of iron, David.
11:29Well, that's me.
11:30Well, I must say that when you got to your feet, leaving that Spaniard just lying there, whining,
11:37well, I, all I can say is that I was proud to be British.
11:40Oh, thank you, Robert.
11:41Would have put most people in bed for a week.
11:43Yes, I know.
11:44I still think you should rest.
11:46No.
11:47Look, just, just give me time to change and I'll see you both downstairs in the bar.
11:50Well, if you're sure.
11:51Oh, of course I'm sure, yes.
11:52Yes, you, don't know, you, you, don't know how you do it.
11:55Listen, Robert, you look after your body and, oh, your body will look after you and I'll
11:59see you both later.
11:59Don't look so worried.
12:00I'm, I'm fine.
12:02Oh!
12:03Poor darling.
12:04Come and lie down.
12:05Oh!
12:05I did warn you.
12:06I said it would end in tears.
12:08All this rushing about in the heat, a man of your age.
12:11Look, just leave my age out of this, will you?
12:13You've always been the same, David.
12:14You're always trying to prove something.
12:16Yesterday you went off the high dive just to impress Linda.
12:19Well, at least I proved I could do it.
12:20I entered that water without a ripple.
12:22You entered that water without your trunks, David.
12:25I never did find them.
12:28You were blue when you finally came out of that pool.
12:30I'm sure that's the start of all your back trouble.
12:32Oh, I haven't, oh, I haven't got back trouble.
12:34David, you're in agony.
12:36How can you say you haven't got back trouble?
12:37I just happened to collide at high speed with a Spanish waiter and they are heavier than they
12:42look.
12:42You ought to get into bed.
12:43You're not used to all this exercise.
12:45You're out of condition.
12:46Oh, all right, all right.
12:47So I've been neglecting myself lately.
12:49It was ever since they made me redundant.
12:51They took away my self-esteem as well.
12:53But not anymore.
12:54Not any longer.
12:55They may have taken my job, Amy, but they haven't taken my body.
12:58They probably didn't want it, David.
13:01Surely it wouldn't be any good to them.
13:02It's hardly any good to you.
13:04What do you mean?
13:05I'm in condition now.
13:07If this had happened a few weeks ago, I'd have been totally incapacitated.
13:10Probably a month in bed.
13:11Whereas now I can shake it off.
13:14Get up, go downstairs and have a drink.
13:16Oh!
13:28Oh, hello.
13:30Oh, hello.
13:33Where's David?
13:34We haven't seen him all day.
13:35No, well, you wouldn't have, Linda.
13:37He's still on his bed of pain, I'm afraid.
13:41Worse than he thought.
13:43Streticase, Robert.
13:44Yeah.
13:44He was making light of it.
13:46He was laughing.
13:46Through clenched teeth, Linda.
13:48He's been incredibly brave, poor darling.
13:51But I think the pain's finally got too much for him.
13:53So, I thought I'd take him a few things up.
13:55Thank heavens I brought the Tupperware.
13:58Um, yes.
13:59Has he, uh, has he seen a doctor?
14:02No, no.
14:03He doesn't want to get stuck with medical expenses.
14:05Not here.
14:06Oh, poor David.
14:08Well, it's his own fault, Linda.
14:09I begged him to wear his body belt.
14:11He wears a body belt?
14:13There's nothing to be ashamed of, Linda.
14:15It's a very wise precaution,
14:16especially when attempting gymnastic feats
14:18and men being constructed the way they are.
14:21Well, anything can happen.
14:22One false move and strangulated hernia.
14:26Well, perhaps we should go up and see him.
14:28No, no, no.
14:29I don't think he'd want you to see him in pain, Linda.
14:32I think he'd prefer to bite on the bullet alone.
14:34Perhaps tomorrow.
14:36See you later.
14:37Bye.
14:41It's very strange.
14:43You'd think they could afford wood service.
14:45Well, that's not all.
14:47I've noticed something about David.
14:49Always wears the same pair of shoes.
15:01David, what's the matter?
15:02Are you all right?
15:03I'm looking for my shoes.
15:04But you can't go out.
15:05But you should be resting.
15:06Of course I can go out.
15:07I feel much better.
15:08But I want to cosset you.
15:10I don't want to be cosseted.
15:11Oh, I'm quite all right.
15:12Now, wear my shoes.
15:14Come on, take my arm.
15:15You're walking like a little old man.
15:16No, I'm not.
15:16I'm fine.
15:17Come and have some of my chicken.
15:18I don't want some of your chicken.
15:20I've made a total recovery.
15:21You have not made a total recovery.
15:23I know why you want to go down there.
15:25You want to meet that praying mantis.
15:27Would you stop calling her that?
15:28Well, she is.
15:29That's exactly what she is.
15:30A praying mantis.
15:31Do you want to get your head bitten off?
15:33I mean, you're so susceptible.
15:35It's this place.
15:36You've only got to hear those guitars and those grasshoppers rubbing their back legs together.
15:40And you can't wait to go out and join them.
15:41Oh, Amy.
15:43Where are my shoes?
15:45Oh, I've no idea.
15:47You're the only person I know who tried to cross Europe with one pair of shoes.
15:50Well, that wasn't my fault.
15:51You forgot to pack the others.
15:52Hey, I wonder if Linda's noticed you've only got the one pair of shoes.
15:54Oh, will you stop talking about Linda all the time?
15:59Oh.
16:01Interesting.
16:02My shoes are here.
16:03Now, you hid them, didn't you?
16:04Yes, I did.
16:05I did it for your own good, David.
16:06You're not well enough to go down there.
16:08Well, I'm going out.
16:08No, you're not.
16:09Oh, Amy.
16:10Give me that shoe.
16:11No, I'm not giving it.
16:12Now, look, stop messing with me.
16:13No, I'm not just doing that.
16:13I'm not giving it.
16:14Give me that shoe.
16:14Just give me that.
16:15Oh.
16:24What's that?
16:28It's a shoe.
16:32Yes, I can see it's a shoe, Robert.
16:35What's it doing here?
16:36Well, I don't know.
16:37We certainly didn't order it.
16:40It must have come from one of those balconies up there.
16:42It could have killed one of us.
16:44It's all right, Linda.
16:45Wait up.
16:46What are the people playing at?
16:48Throwing shoes from balconies is probably an old Spanish custom.
16:51They probably have shoe-throwing parties.
16:53You would not get this sort of thing at Bournemouth.
16:56Wait up.
16:58Ah, wait a minute.
17:00I know this shoe.
17:02It's David's.
17:04Are you sure?
17:04Yes, I know it anyway.
17:06Look, there's the hole.
17:08What's it doing here?
17:10Senor?
17:10Ah, we found this shoe on the table.
17:16Oh, my God.
17:19Shoe on the table.
17:21Si.
17:25No, it is not mine.
17:28It is Senor Pierce's.
17:30It depends.
17:30Yes.
17:32So if you would return it to him, pronto.
17:39Go on, chop, chop.
17:40I don't think he understands.
17:48Yes, I think he's got the message.
17:58Good Lord.
18:00He's thrown it to the dog.
18:05What did you do all that for?
18:06You could have killed somebody.
18:07How am I going to explain that?
18:08What am I going to say?
18:09There's no need to say anything.
18:10They won't know who's it is.
18:12Of course they'll know.
18:13All they've got to do is look for a man with one shoe.
18:15I never realised you could be so vindictive.
18:17I was only thinking of you dead.
18:19No, no, no, you weren't.
18:19You wanted to keep me here.
18:21But I didn't come to Spain to stop him in Rome all the time.
18:23I don't want that feeling that I had in England.
18:25What feeling?
18:26That the whole world's having a party and I haven't been invited.
18:29Where are you going?
18:30Out.
18:30But you've only got one shoe.
18:32What are you going to do?
18:32I'm going to limp.
18:47Goodness, yes.
18:51Hello, David.
18:52Oh, hello, Linda.
18:55Are you feeling better?
18:56Oh, much better.
18:58Good.
18:58I was thinking of taking a walk by the sea.
19:00Would you like to come?
19:02No, actually, not at the moment.
19:04As a matter of fact, I'm actually looking for something.
19:08Oh, where's Robert?
19:09Robert, oh, he's gone to bed.
19:11Had a headache.
19:12Headache?
19:13There hasn't been an accident, has there?
19:16Accident?
19:16What sort of accident?
19:17Well, a sort of falling object accident.
19:20It wasn't a falling object.
19:22Now I'm afraid Robert drinks.
19:24Does he?
19:25Does he?
19:26Poor Linda.
19:27It's not been easy, David.
19:29He's bad enough at home, but out here, well.
19:31I'm afraid the sudden access to cheap wine has completely unhinged him.
19:35He's drinking as if there were no tomorrow.
19:37Linda, I can't understand it.
19:38And being married to somebody stimulating as you, I wouldn't do it.
19:41Wouldn't you, David?
19:42Well, no, of course I wouldn't.
19:45Are you looking for your shoe, David?
19:46Ah, well, yes, as a matter of fact, I am.
19:52Cleaning it, it flew out of the window.
19:56Complete accident.
19:58You haven't seen it, have you?
19:59Yes, the waiter took it.
20:01Oh, oh, waiter?
20:02He threw it to the dog.
20:04He did what?
20:05Not, not the one that foams at the mouth.
20:06Yes, I'm afraid so.
20:08And I think he took it round into those bushes.
20:10Would you like me to help you find it?
20:11Oh, would you, Linda?
20:12Of course.
20:12Oh, you're very understanding.
20:14Do you know where he threw it, actually?
20:16Oh.
20:17Oh, good.
20:18Oh.
20:29Hello, Robert.
20:31Is, er, is David here?
20:33No.
20:34Madam is, er, still waiting for her mate.
20:37Perhaps she's been stood up.
20:39Oh, I do hope so, Amy.
20:40I don't think I could stand it.
20:42All that crunching away in the middle of the night.
20:45Oh, not with my headache.
20:47God, it's ugly.
20:49And I've got to share a room with it.
20:50I do wish Linda wouldn't find it quite so fascinating.
20:53Oh, where is Linda?
20:55What?
20:55Oh, she's taking a last look at the, um, sea.
20:59Alone?
21:00Now, Robert, is that wise?
21:02This isn't Bournemouth, you know.
21:04They're, er, foreigners.
21:07Foreigners?
21:08My God, you're right, Amy.
21:10I must have been mad letting her go out alone.
21:12A whole busload of wops arrived this morning.
21:14I mean, that's probably a mafia routing, and...
21:16Well, then, then, then, they're the frogs.
21:17Well, they never had any self-control.
21:20Look, a blue beard.
21:20He was French.
21:21Oh, talk about the Spanish waiters.
21:24They have to be beaten back with clubs, Amy.
21:25Well, it's their Latin temperament, Robert.
21:27They can't wait to get their hands on a pure English rose.
21:30One glimpse of Linda's ivory skin in the moonlight,
21:33and they'll flip their lids.
21:35Ah, we'll see about that.
21:40Oh, no, no, it's all right, Amy.
21:43Panic over it.
21:43I can see her from here.
21:44She's down there by the garden,
21:46walking with one of the geriatrics.
21:48Geriatrics?
21:49There, some poor devil with a limp.
21:52A limp?
21:54Oh!
21:56Oh!
21:58What's the matter?
22:00Nothing.
22:01Oh!
22:06Oh, Lord.
22:10Here it is, David.
22:12I found it.
22:13Oh, thanks, Linda.
22:14Oh, I think he's been chewing it.
22:15Yes, well, I don't think he gets fed very often.
22:17Oh, Linda, I don't know how to thank you.
22:19Don't you, David?
22:21Oh, Linda.
22:22Oh, David, careful.
22:23After all, we are but ships that pass in the night
22:26and speak to each other in passing.
22:28Yes.
22:28Distant lights across the harbour,
22:30faint fragrance of exotic spices,
22:32seen for a moment and then, oh, gone forever.
22:34Yes, David.
22:35But I don't suppose it'd be any harm
22:37if we pulled alongside for a few moments.
22:40Stand by, Linda.
22:42I'm coming aboard.
22:45Was that you, David?
22:48What?
22:49Rowling.
22:50No.
22:52It's the dog.
22:53David, look, it's glaring at us.
22:54What are we going to do?
22:55Well, I think it wants its shoe back.
22:56Is it foaming at the mouth, David?
22:58Well, it certainly isn't shaving cream.
23:00Look, you go and get behind that gate over there.
23:02I'll get rid of it.
23:05Fetch!
23:07No.
23:08Fetch!
23:09Fetch!
23:10Get off!
23:12No!
23:12Down!
23:13Stay!
23:13Stay!
23:14Stay!
23:15Stay!
23:21Hello, David.
23:22Have you had a nice evening?
23:24No, thanks to you.
23:26David, what happened?
23:28Have you been to one of those beach parties?
23:30I was attacked.
23:32What did I tell you?
23:33Did she try to bite your head off?
23:35Of course not.
23:36It was the dog.
23:36It was after me shoe.
23:37You were attacked by a dog?
23:39Poor darling.
23:40Were you bitten?
23:40Well, I don't think so.
23:41David, what's that on your collar?
23:42What's what?
23:43Oh, David, it's blood.
23:44Blood?
23:44Well, quick, get the doctor.
23:45I could have rabies.
23:46No, wait a minute, David.
23:47No, it's not blood.
23:48It's not blood.
23:49It's lipstick.
23:50Oh, lipstick.
23:51Oh, well, I'm all right then.
23:52That's what you think.
23:55Oh, well, I'm all right.
24:23Oh, well, I'm all right.
Comments