- 16 minutes ago
DMV Season 1 Episode 20
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Go, go, go, stop the teaming.
00:02One!
00:03Oh, we missed it!
00:04And navigated daily hardships.
00:07Oh, I hate this chair.
00:09Come on, stop fooling around.
00:12And after extensive analyzing, interviewing, and assessing...
00:17The verdict is in.
00:18Our conclusion is...
00:21Camera...
00:21Here we go, here we go, here we go.
00:23Nails, nails, nails.
00:24People do not typically enjoy coming to the DMV.
00:26We will be back in two days to make our closure recommendation.
00:31Uh, excuse me.
00:32How much did this little analysis cost the beautiful state of California?
00:3531 million big smackers.
00:42Perfect.
00:43No notes.
00:49Yep.
00:50Yep.
00:51Yes.
00:51Yep.
00:52Yep.
00:53So, how'd I do?
00:55Did I finally pass my road test?
00:57No, no, no, no.
00:59Um...
01:00Let's talk inside.
01:01Whoa.
01:04Surprise!
01:07Wait, did I pass?
01:08I passed.
01:09All right, Kiwi.
01:10As a reward, we're gonna smash glutes and hammies tomorrow.
01:13Okay.
01:15Kong Arts.
01:16Typo.
01:17Got it on discount.
01:18Well, thank you for the party, Kalit.
01:19Well, actually, it was my idea.
01:21Tanya's hosting mahjong at our house tonight, so this gave me a reason to not go home.
01:25Well, we got drinks.
01:26We got karaoke.
01:28Delois was, uh, lobbying for trivia, but don't worry.
01:30I shot it down.
01:30Mm-hmm.
01:31You should invite, uh, Mary if you want to.
01:34Hey, we broke up a couple of weeks ago.
01:36Oh!
01:37Oh, oh, oh.
01:37The Barb is open!
01:39Yes!
01:39The Barb!
01:40Welcome to...
01:41The Barb.
01:42I see and smell that you have your walking boot off.
01:45We've got a license to party!
01:47I thought you would be more nervous.
01:49In two days, we might find out if they're closing down this den of agony.
01:53Remember how we got a hunk out in DMV Magazine 10 and 2?
01:56Yes, I do, because you put an inflatable tube man out front with a sign that says,
01:59We got a hunk out in DMV Magazine 10 and 2.
02:02Well, after that morning meeting, director of the DMV, Ray Henderson himself, called to congratulate us.
02:09Wow!
02:09What kind of scotch do you have?
02:11Uh, sure, I'll play the message.
02:12That's not what I...
02:13Barb Berry!
02:14Ray Henderson here.
02:15Congratulations on the hunk out.
02:16Well done.
02:17Drive safe.
02:19Drive safe.
02:20The man knows how to finish.
02:22I guess.
02:23Alright, what am I going to say when I call him back?
02:24I would say this.
02:28You're not saying anything.
02:29I'll say it again.
02:32You're not...
02:33Come on, Greg.
03:02No!
03:03Technical issue.
03:04Well, if we cannot sing, we will drink.
03:07To the bar!
03:07To the bar!
03:08Hey, I still have the tech-ish.
03:10We got a mic out.
03:11Yeah, I was a roadie for a summer.
03:13Yeah, I untangled all the extension cords.
03:15Pretty much the head haunch of power.
03:17You should probably add that to your resume in case this place closes down.
03:20Ah, I don't need one of those.
03:22Jobs tend to find me.
03:23Unemployment rate is at an all-time high right now.
03:25When's the last time you even applied to get a job?
03:26Eight years ago.
03:28When I came here for my license and never left.
03:30Well, unless you play the drums on TikTok, you can stop out there.
03:33Okay.
03:40How many lice do you record are in this?
03:42All of them.
03:43Oh, yum.
03:44Okay.
03:45It's an ambush.
03:47You just ambushed me.
03:49I'm sorry, cowboy.
04:07Hey, Will, a little help?
04:08Yeah?
04:09I'm working on my resume.
04:10Resume?
04:11How'd you spell experience?
04:12Uh, lose the Y.
04:14Craig.
04:14Craig.
04:15Which one?
04:15Craig.
04:16Remember when you suggested that I not call Ray Henderson back?
04:20What if I told you that I did?
04:22Oh, no.
04:22What did you say?
04:23That's work.
04:24It's interesting.
04:24I don't know what I said.
04:26Barb, how much you have to drank?
04:28One barbgarita and I made sure not to eat all day so it wouldn't mix with my antibiotics
04:31that I'm taking.
04:32How long was the phone call?
04:33Well, my phone says only 47 seconds.
04:36Hold on.
04:38For context, that was only two seconds.
04:40Why do you keep teaching me lessons with silence?
04:47Experience means sexual, right?
04:50Correct.
04:51What?
04:54Hi.
04:55Hey.
04:57You two kissed.
04:58What?
04:59How'd you know that?
05:00Because Colette, I am a gifted reader of people.
05:03Plus the photo of you two kissing showed up on my computer.
05:06So how was it?
05:07Good.
05:08Good, good, good.
05:09Hey.
05:10So bad.
05:11Hmm?
05:12Bad, bad, bad.
05:13It wasn't bad.
05:14It wasn't terrible.
05:15It wasn't the worst kiss I've ever had.
05:17Better or worse than the time you had to give mouth to mouth to DeLuis.
05:23Oh my God, you have to think about it?
05:24It's not that big of a deal.
05:25Ah, it's the only deal, Colette.
05:27What?
05:27You obviously didn't feel anything and you're downstairs.
05:30And if it didn't hit, you must acquit.
05:32Him.
05:33You need to listen to your body, Colette.
05:35I know.
05:35And it's saying, Colette, yeah we thought we liked Noah, but we actually don't.
05:40Who's we?
05:41He's also saying, please stop dressing me like an American girl though.
05:44But I do like him.
05:45One not so amazing kiss doesn't change that.
05:48Ah, it should.
05:49Your downstairs never lies.
05:51And if your downstairs is fighting with your upstairs, do you want to know who wins that fight?
05:54Apple.
05:54Hey.
05:56Um, hey, Colette.
05:59You and me, dinner tonight?
06:01Yes, please.
06:02Okay.
06:03Sweet.
06:05No one wins.
06:06No one wins that night.
06:07I'm gonna win.
06:10Oh, I can't believe I drunk the Alvray Hunter's Inn.
06:14What?
06:15Good God, Barb.
06:16I can hear you moaning from the waiting room.
06:18All my hard work to save the branch is a complete waste of time because of one stupid phone call.
06:23Oh, Barb.
06:24Your hard work has always been a complete waste of time.
06:26You're just saying that.
06:27Look, they're gonna choose what branch to close based on something you will never see coming.
06:32Thanks for my Anderson.
06:34Got your message.
06:36Not happy.
06:38Anderson's not happy.
06:39What do I need to do to make all this go away?
06:41What?
06:42I don't even know what I said.
06:44I'll send him an emoji that's like, hmm.
06:46No, no.
06:47Okay, fine.
06:47I'll send him an emoji that's like, ah!
06:49Barb, he must have done something bad.
06:52And whatever you said in that phone call makes him think that you know.
06:56I don't know.
06:57It doesn't matter.
06:58At the DMV, the less you know, the more power you have.
07:02I think we may have stumbled onto some leverage here.
07:04Gregory, are you suggesting that we blackmail Ray Henderson, director of the California DMV?
07:09Mmm.
07:11I would never.
07:12For what?
07:13As a bargaining chip for the survival of our branch.
07:16I ought to send you one of these emojis.
07:20I know why the kiss wasn't good.
07:22Because you know I have less chemistry than the sexless crash test dummies in the supply closet.
07:26No, because we were here.
07:29I mean, is there anything less sexy than the DMV?
07:34This.
07:35Yes, look.
07:36I mean, the lighting was bad.
07:37The music was bad.
07:38And it smelled like the DMV.
07:40Fix all of that.
07:41And my downstairs is on Fuego.
07:44I'm gonna call you at the end of the night and tell you all about it.
07:46Or wait till morning and don't tell me anything about it.
07:50Okay.
07:51Hey, you look like a boring adult.
07:53I'm workshopping my re-Zoom.
07:54What sounds more impressive?
07:56Analyst or consultant?
07:58It's for when I was a bouncer at Big Tata's Gentleman's Club.
08:01And buffet.
08:02Beatboxing.
08:03Yay or nay.
08:04Took a class on it, so slap it under education.
08:07Frick it fresh.
08:08R-R-Rewind.
08:09There was a little exaggeration on my re-Zoom.
08:12Would there be any way a Fortune 500 company could fact check that?
08:15Like if I said I was the president of Advil?
08:19You're right.
08:20Vice president.
08:22Of pills.
08:23Okay.
08:24Ray should be calling any second.
08:25Are you sure this is the right thing to do?
08:26Yes.
08:27We've been given a gift and we're gonna use it.
08:29I wonder what he did that was so bad.
08:31Did he, like, sleep with a subordinate or...
08:34Ooh!
08:34Maybe he exposed himself on Zoom.
08:37Hot tip.
08:37Even if your camera's off, a Zoom mic can pick up a toot from ten feet away.
08:41I am so glad you're my boss.
08:46Sir, may I say I respect you greatly.
08:49Don't play games with me.
08:50I got your message right here.
08:52Ray Henderson, what's up?
08:54It's Bart Berry from East Toe.
08:56I can't believe what you did.
08:58I wanna tell everybody and I'm never gonna forgive you.
09:02What were you talking about?
09:03Him calling to congratulate us on our honk out in ten and two.
09:06Before you ask for the moon, here's where I'm at.
09:09I'm willing to make sure your branch stays open.
09:12Yes!
09:13And in exchange, you tell nobody that I've been dipping into the employee pension fund.
09:18Petrax.
09:19A political appointee turns out to be corrupt.
09:23Gasp.
09:23Take a second to think about it.
09:25Do I take the deal and save our branch?
09:27Or side with the man that's screwing over thousands of DMV employees?
09:31Who put up with disrespect?
09:33Low wages?
09:35Broken office chairs?
09:36Offer the promise of a stable retirement?
09:39Still there?
09:39I know what you do, Bo Young.
09:42You took the deal.
09:44So, do we have a deal?
09:45No deal!
09:46Hello, Barb. You still there?
09:49Do it again.
09:51No deal!
09:51You're making a fix!
09:53It sounded better the first time.
09:54Should I call back?
09:55No.
09:58Just gonna put some music on.
10:00Do you have trouble setting boundaries?
10:02Oh.
10:03In this chapter, we will-
10:04Someone with adult onset codependency issues must have snuck in here.
10:12This is, this is nice.
10:14Yeah.
10:15Oh, you went forehead.
10:23Yeah.
10:23Okay.
10:26Do you feel safe?
10:27Ew.
10:28Ew.
10:28I mean-
10:29Oh, what?
10:30Because you are.
10:31You're-
10:32You're safe.
10:33Yes.
10:34Pip?
10:36Yeah.
10:38Yes, that's just-
10:41Don't-
10:42Shh.
10:42Okay.
10:43Okay.
10:46Hello, you.
10:47Oh, I can't.
10:48I can't.
10:49I can't.
10:49I can't do this.
10:49That's a relief, because I oughtn't be neither.
10:52Oh.
10:53Why-
10:53Why-
10:54Why can't you?
10:55It's a lot of pressure to like, to be your first.
10:57So, I'm just-
10:58Hold on.
10:59Do you think I'm a virgin?
11:01You-
11:01Aren't you?
11:02No.
11:02Oh my god.
11:03Oh.
11:04What made you think that?
11:05I think I read it on the bathroom wall originally.
11:08But it just-
11:08It made sense, given you've always been so awkward around me.
11:11And last night after we kissed, you just left so quickly.
11:14Cause the kiss sucked.
11:15What?
11:16Oh.
11:18Oh.
11:18Chapter three.
11:19Oh my god.
11:20From pleasing people to pleasuring yourself.
11:23That's-
11:23Just yeah.
11:24Yeah, I'll-
11:25Yeah.
11:34How could you?
11:42What's up with the big cheese?
11:44She lost her hero and found out that everything that she believed in is a lie.
11:49Hmm.
11:49Well, speaking of lies, I finished up my resume.
11:53And I learned it's pronounced resume.
11:56Why did you list your height, wingspan, and mile time on here?
12:00Oh, that's a six minute mile with my neighbor's chunky kid yodeling on my back.
12:05Hmm.
12:05What about putting your last name or the year you graduated or away from them to contact you?
12:10If they want me bad enough, they know how to find me.
12:12Plus, I didn't graduate high school.
12:14You didn't?
12:15You were in high school longer than anybody.
12:17Hmm.
12:18What, you think that matters I didn't graduate?
12:20Only two employers.
12:22So you're saying I can't lie and I need education?
12:24This is not the America I voted for.
12:30Noah thought I was a virgin.
12:32Good to see that.
12:33Yeah.
12:33The whole night was awful.
12:35I cannot believe I wasted all this time and energy on him.
12:39And now what?
12:40That's it.
12:41There's just, there is nothing there.
12:44It's kind of like how Barb invested so much into saving this branch and now it just could
12:48all be gone.
12:49That's right.
12:50I forgot.
12:50I might be out of a job too.
12:52It's just one guy.
12:53No, it's not.
12:53It's everything.
12:54When I took this job six years ago, it was supposed to be temporary and I'm still here.
12:58I thought that Noah might be the one for me and he's just not.
13:03I just don't feel like I'm making any progress.
13:06That's not true.
13:08Mira.
13:13Why?
13:14Relax, okay?
13:16Then you become her.
13:19Yeah.
13:19Is this supposed to make me feel better?
13:20And now you are.
13:24Oh, I lost those earrings.
13:25Colette, you're not going around in circles, okay?
13:28You're, you're changing without even noticing it.
13:31Realizing what you don't want is exactly how you figure out what you do.
13:34I mean, that's, it's progress.
13:37I'm going to be to this side.
13:40Yeah, it is.
13:42Thank you, Ceci.
13:43You're a good friend.
13:44I know, I know.
13:45We're not.
13:46Friends.
13:48I mean, we're like, we're friends.
13:53The consultants are back.
13:55Okay.
13:57All right, folks.
13:58We have already narrowed it down from four to two.
14:01It's going to be either you or North Hollywood.
14:03Wait, what?
14:04What about South Hollywood?
14:05Soho.
14:06They blowho.
14:08Don't disagree.
14:09But an employee there is suing us for work from the cops, so...
14:12Can't shut down a branch in the middle of a legal battle.
14:14Red tape city.
14:16Before we head into final deliberations,
14:18is there anything the manager would like first note?
14:23No.
14:24I, I got nothing.
14:26Okay.
14:26Class dismissed.
14:28Want to hit up the grove?
14:29See if we can spot Mario Lopez?
14:32Again?
14:35Wait.
14:36You got nothing?
14:38That's it, Barb?
14:40I'm sorry, guys.
14:41I blew it.
14:42If I hadn't shut down Greg's chair lawsuit, we'd be safe.
14:47I'm a frickin' idiot.
14:49You're not an idiot, Barb.
14:50And you didn't shut it down.
14:52I did.
14:53What?
14:54I withdrew the lawsuit.
14:56They wanted to give me a bunch of money, but they wanted to fire you.
14:59So I told them to shove it.
15:02You, you did that for me?
15:04Nobody loves this job like you.
15:06Yeah.
15:07Come on.
15:08Now it's time to do your job.
15:10Which means, looking after us.
15:12Mm-hmm.
15:13I'm not qualified for anything else.
15:15Big Tata's closed because of a health code violation.
15:17I need the DMV, Barb.
15:19Those consultants, they're right out there.
15:21It's not too late.
15:22Yeah, come on, boss.
15:24Sometimes it's good to let a thing go, but not this, Barb.
15:27You're Barb!
15:28You're Barb of the East Hollywood DMV!
15:33No, no.
15:36We're all Barb of the East Hollywood DMV.
15:42I bet you my best.
16:10What is this happening?
16:12Sure looks like it.
16:13I'm so sorry.
16:14I didn't see you too.
16:15I'm flying off my hood.
16:16I was caught up standing with that awesome blowy guy.
16:18He was all, doing this.
16:20Hey, twig.
16:21Well, you have to go to the hospital.
16:23I got something to say.
16:25Turn me to the weasel and the pretty one.
16:27No, the other one.
16:31Listen up.
16:32North Hollywood might be faster and more polished.
16:35But what we got is more heart.
16:38Yeah, we're a Motley crew.
16:40We got a grump, high school dropout, rich kid, princess, and a virgin.
16:48But we're family.
16:49Not a virgin.
16:50The family sticks together.
16:53Upon careful reconsideration, I think North Hollywood is going to be the impacted branch.
17:01Your branch is safe.
17:02Oh, my God.
17:03Oh, my God.
17:05We're safe.
17:07My speech.
17:07It won you over.
17:09Yes, along with the understanding that you are not going to press charges against my superior for reckless driving.
17:16Deal.
17:19It's okay, Barb.
17:20They'll sew a toe onto it.
17:21Trust me.
17:22Good as new.
17:23My cousin's a mortician.
17:24If you'll excuse us, we have some bad news about we hung over at North Hollywood.
17:29I love you, Barb.
17:31Give him my vest.
17:33Should I meet you at the hospital?
17:35Absolutely not.
17:36Not until after your shift, little lady.
17:38Don't worry, Barb.
17:39I will hold this place down while you're gone, okay?
17:41Do you want my vest?
17:43No.
17:44Because there's blood smeared all over it?
17:46It's because it's a vest.
17:48All right, people.
17:48Let's go.
17:49You heard the boss.
17:50We got a DMV to run.
17:51Okay.
17:51Hey.
17:53God.
17:54I hate this place.
17:56Hey.
17:56It's the only place that'll hire me.
17:59You know, I can help you get your GED.
18:01I thought you were done, teacher.
18:02I think I got room for one more student.
18:05Who?
18:06Me?
18:08Hey.
18:10Hi.
18:11Hi.
18:12I just want to say, I'm so sorry about last night.
18:15Like booping you on the nose and just thinking you were a virgin.
18:19I'm sorry.
18:20All good.
18:21Yeah.
18:22All right.
18:23Yeah.
18:25Sweet.
18:26All right.
18:39Just had to be sure.
18:41Mm-hmm.
18:41Mm-hmm.
18:43Yeah.
18:45Definitely not a virgin.
18:50Progress.
18:54Mm-hmm.
18:58Well, you did it, Barbie.
19:00You look damn good.
19:02But you look great, too.
19:05See you never, Ray.
19:08I already have a successor, I see.
19:12Oh, no.
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