- 7 minutes ago
Twisted Metal - Season 2 - Episode 03: T3STDRV
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TVTranscript
00:23you
00:24You gave so much in life. I
00:27hope your soul's rest is perfect
00:29and peaceful
00:31because your body's in for a long
00:33ride
00:36If the coffins are rocking, don't come
00:39a-knocking
00:44Wait a second
00:45Why is there no casket?
00:48Because there was nothing left
00:49of his father to bury
00:50No!
00:56No!
00:58No!
01:00No!
01:02No!
01:02No!
01:03No!
01:04No!
01:12Come, join us
01:14brother
01:14No!
01:39Welcome
01:41You'll be happy here
01:42Hmm
01:44I think I like it already
01:50Hi, Pop
02:31So the old face has this gigantic insider guard in the chokeholds when all of a sudden I hear this
02:37loud the guard is dead as hell and his eyeballs are just dangling out of their sockets
02:43it always is like guess this guy's a sailor man because i just made him pop out
02:50that's fucking crazy she has so many stories like that and she tells them way better than me
02:56you would know that if you stopped avoiding her i'm not avoiding her i'm just not going out of
03:01my way to interact with her there's a difference all right we're being honest she's just not my
03:06cup of tea you don't even know her if my brother was in the car behind us i sure as
03:10hell wouldn't
03:10be riding with your dumb ass family isn't just being related okay if i was a beaver i wouldn't
03:16spend all my time hanging out with other big ass rodents if a gator was cool and the vibe was
03:21right
03:21i'd kick it with him shit not again what oh i'll just check it at the next stop no pull
03:30over now
03:30if something's wrong you should address it right away pull over right here
03:41go talk to your sister asshole
03:55you piss her off get in you out
04:08so we need a ride i told you we're done and i meant it
04:17you know what i like about the jeremy express it's all caboose
04:33i love what you've done with the interior really shows pride of ownership
04:38still a neat freak so what was it like being back at our old house
04:43like prison just with a lot of pizza come on nothing in there caught your interest
04:50the babysitter's club oh shit i used to love those books
04:55yeah yeah i had such a crush on logan okay so i gotta know how did abby join the bsc
05:02in book 89
05:05abby abby abby abby i i don't remember
05:11well excuse me for not remembering a book mister i bogged my head and literally can't remember
05:16anything well it's not like i'm trying not to remember
05:20i'm dying should we make camp
05:23yeah ash we'll head for diesel city at first light
05:27why don't you go set up by the water tower up ahead john and i are gonna take a little
05:32detour
05:34detour i don't want to take a detour shut up you do we're going copy that have fun john
05:42copy that ashley and i will be scouting for food and supplies over
05:48who knows you'll get lucky buy me a muffin
05:52they told you the bakery's closed
05:56checking for bakery hours
06:08finally ready to fucking rock
06:43here we go
06:45because you're
06:58What the hell are you doing here?
07:00Covering my ears, mostly.
07:02That's John's CD.
07:04What are you doing in my trunk?
07:07You stood up for me back there.
07:11You...
07:13You saved me quiet.
07:19All right, I laid it on a little thick at the end there.
07:22Fine.
07:22Look, I want to enter the tournament.
07:34It's not funny.
07:35Oh, it is the way I'm picturing it.
07:38You'll be dead two minutes in, all flattened out, eyes crossed, your tongue hanging out.
07:42That will not be me, okay?
07:44You're looking at the best driver on the West Coast.
07:47No, I'm not.
07:48Yes, you are.
07:51I think so.
07:52No so.
07:54Proven.
08:00Oh, wow.
08:02You don't have a goddamn clue what you're doing.
08:04I am just getting my bearings.
08:07You know, my ex-husband's car was European.
08:09It was a lot cooler than this.
08:11All right, just put it in gear.
08:15Oh, my God!
08:17Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
08:19Oh, my God.
08:21Why did you throw it in reverse?
08:23D is for drive, dumbass.
08:24What, no, I put it in drive D, drive.
08:27That's an R.
08:28Do you not know how to read, either?
08:29No, of course I can read.
08:31You're looking at the best reader on the West Coast.
08:34Okay, that's it.
08:35Get out.
08:36We're done.
08:41Ha!
08:42Got you.
08:43Who's the dumbass now?
08:44Have fun walking to Diesel City, bitch.
08:46Eat my diggity dust.
08:53Oh, shit.
08:59Oh, no.
09:01D, uh, shut up!
09:11Darrant.
09:14Faster to go by canoe.
09:17You know what, fine, fine, whatever.
09:19Just wake me up when Dollface gets back.
09:21She'll teach me.
09:22Is that what you think is going to happen?
09:23She gives zero bucks.
09:27I sort of gave one teeny buck, but...
09:31Man, I guess I was wrong.
09:46Millennium driving.
09:48Headlights, camera, action.
09:50I don't even want to know what kind of action
09:52got blood all the way up there.
09:55Where are you going?
09:56We stopped here one year on a family road trip.
09:59Your little mind was blown by watching a movie in a car.
10:02You were so obsessed you made Dad take us here every summer.
10:05Come on.
10:05You're insane you think I'm going in there.
10:07This shit looks haunted.
10:11You're still afraid of ghosts?
10:14Wow.
10:15Amnesia really is a bitch.
10:16You forget your whole life, but still remember to be a pussy.
10:21I'll show you a pussy.
10:25Hold up, wait.
10:42Al and Kay was here.
10:46This was our spot.
10:50Come on, get in.
10:53Thank God, would you chill?
10:56There's nobody here but us.
10:57I know that.
10:59Get in the car.
11:02Come on.
11:17I would try and get the projector working, but I'm not going in that shack.
11:20It's okay, we're not here for that anyway.
11:22I was hoping we could shake some memories loose.
11:28Maybe this will help.
11:37So whenever there was a car chase scene, Dad would let you climb over into the driver's seat and pretend
11:43like you were in the movie.
11:44And you would go crazy just pulling at the steering wheel and yelling all your little quips.
11:53Dry steering?
11:54Mm-hmm.
11:54You mean to tell me they would let me torque at the tire rides like that?
11:58Not to mention scuff the tires.
12:00So our parents really treated their vehicles like that?
12:03Ooh, cool.
12:04You're just there, Martin Luther Keys.
12:06You were little.
12:07You couldn't do any real damage.
12:09We did do a number on the upholstery, though.
12:11Every time Mom and Dad would go to the snack shack, we would climb through the sunroof and scuff up
12:17the back seats.
12:18That would piss them off.
12:26What are you staring at me for?
12:28The family whistle?
12:31Was Dad's way of telling us to sit our asses down.
12:35I swear you could hear it from miles away.
12:37Right.
12:37It's like when Abby's dad taught her how to whistle through an acorn cap.
12:41Would you shut up about the stupid fucking book?
12:44Look at me.
12:45Are you even trying to remember?
12:47No, I'm not.
12:49You want to know what it was like for me being in that house?
12:52All the pictures, all the stuff in my room, all the things I'm supposed to remember, but I don't.
12:57And then realizing, if I did get my memory back, I'd just be weighed down by everything that I lost.
13:05My parents, my sister, myself.
13:10I'd rather just be me.
13:12Be John.
13:13But you're Lionel.
13:13Lionel's dead!
13:26What the hell is that?
13:27I don't know.
13:27You brought me here!
13:32I don't know.
13:34I don't know.
13:35Oh, my God.
14:09What the fuck?
14:25What the fuck am I even looking at right now?
14:27I don't know, but whatever it is, he's not wearing a shirt and he's fucking dead.
14:31The imperfectly formed pectorials are basically bullseyes.
14:34Watch this.
14:39I'm so sorry.
14:41He shot me with those...
14:42I'll lay down suppressive fire and you run.
14:45Run!
14:49God damn it!
14:52In there.
14:53No, no, no, no!
15:12Oh, my God.
15:16You fucking shot me with the...
15:18I'm so sorry.
15:18Please don't cry.
15:19I'm just gonna cry, you assholes.
15:21Is it okay?
15:22Is it bad?
15:23Shit.
15:24Oh, it gets barely noticeable.
15:26No, no, no.
15:27It's not you.
15:27I'm so sorry.
15:28Oh, my God.
15:30Oh, my God.
15:33Oh, my God.
15:34Oh, my God.
15:35Here, sew it up.
15:36Sew it up.
15:37I don't want to...
15:37It's just gone.
15:38All right.
15:38All right.
15:39All right.
15:39I got this.
15:41Okay.
15:41Come on.
15:42Have you got it?
15:43Yeah, I got it.
15:44Okay, do I come from the top or the bottom?
15:46You ain't got shit.
15:47Okay.
15:48Hold on to this.
15:48Okay, okay, okay.
15:49Make yourself useful.
15:50Okay.
15:51God.
15:52Oh, that's so aggressive.
15:54Ah!
15:58Before you even start the car, do your checks.
16:00Gassed up, guns loaded, mirrors clear of vultures, hands on the wheel at ten and two.
16:05No way.
16:05I want to look cool when I cross the finish line.
16:09Okay.
16:09Yeah.
16:10First lesson.
16:13You've got to outrun to the vultures.
16:14Think back.
16:21Try the 180 out of here and the vultures caught you.
16:24You're dead.
16:25Again.
16:30Wrong.
16:33Nope.
16:38Dead, dead, dead.
17:04You're supposed to drive through the barrels.
17:06Guess what? You died again.
17:08God damn it.
17:10Time for your final exam.
17:11Drive.
17:12What are you doing?
17:13There's a killer clown with flaming hair right behind us.
17:17What's the move?
17:18First sight!
17:19You didn't even give me a chance!
17:21Neither will they think back!
17:25Are you giving up?
17:26I knew it. I knew you weren't cut out for this.
17:28Fuck you, quiet!
17:36I don't even want to know what nasty diseases you gave yourself using that dirty ass needle.
17:43I don't need medical advice, Dr. Piss.
17:45We just need to figure out how we're getting past those Soundwave thingies without sexy car man knowing that we're
17:50in here.
17:50Well, if we're gonna make it out of here, we're gonna need a better vantage point.
17:53I'm gonna climb to the top of the projection screen.
17:56No, you're not! We're going to the concession stand.
17:59Whatever's powering those Soundwave thingies is for sure coming from there.
18:02Wait.
18:04Wait, I'm remembering something.
18:05Really?
18:06Yeah.
18:07What?
18:08I remember telling you it was a fucking bad idea to come in here!
18:11Shh!
18:12Do you hear that?
18:15It's the sound of a scared little bitch!
18:18Oh wait, that's you.
18:39Jusitos, Madweans!
18:41No!
18:43No!
18:43No!
18:43No!
18:43No!
19:01It's our fucking villain!
19:01Ooh!
19:01No!
19:01No!
19:01No!
19:02No!
19:02No!
19:04No!
19:04See those metal hands? This motherfucker's full of surprises.
19:12I wonder how he, uh, you know, starts his own engine.
19:17Quorum's on that guy. One wrong move, he'll rip this shit off, poor son of a bitch.
19:22Okay, so what's the plan?
19:24Oh yeah, let's shoot our way out of here because that works so well the first time.
19:27It worked well for me. I look fucking great.
19:31Ashley! Ashley!
19:34Oh, you give mama that French bread!
19:38Oh, it's proofing. Oh, it's proofing!
19:57Come on, Mae. You can't stay back there forever.
20:03Fine. If you're not going to come out, then I'm going to eat. I am starving.
20:09Mmm! Mmm, oh my gosh! Oh, this is so good! Mmm, I have so much of it!
20:22What is it?
20:23Rattlesnake.
20:24You can make snake jerky?
20:26Yeah, it's not that hard.
20:28My brother taught me how.
20:30Killing the fuckers is a pain in the ass, but...
20:32Then you salt them and...
20:34Put them in a salt bath.
20:36And hang them out to dry.
20:38It has to be strong sunlight, though.
20:40I learned that the hard way.
20:43What happened?
20:44What do you think?
20:45I ate it raw and puked so hard I shit myself.
20:49Yeah, it was a lot of shit, too.
20:51Like, everywhere.
20:52Why is it tough?
20:53My brother wouldn't stop laughing at Jagov.
20:55Yeah.
20:56I guess being a Jagov runs in the family.
21:01Yeah.
21:04He wasn't a great teacher, but...
21:06He helped me survive.
21:09And eventually I figured it out on my own.
21:14Listen, why do you want to enter this tournament so badly?
21:17You do know it's to the death, right?
21:20Yeah, so...
21:23I'm not afraid of dying.
21:24And if I win...
21:27I could wish for a better life.
21:33Come on.
21:34Let's try again.
21:35Okay.
21:37Keep going.
21:39Oh!
21:54How's this guy even alive?
22:00Come on. He's distracted.
22:17Ew, this place is a mess.
22:19I still clean it in your car.
22:21Smells better, too.
22:23Shut up and cut the power.
22:32Axel.
22:39What kind of sick fuck would do this?
22:46I'd lower that teacher if I were you.
22:49Put it on the counter.
22:51Well, I'm impressed you got past my guard, Doug.
22:54Not many do.
22:56We're just trying to get out of here, man.
22:57Oh, please.
22:58You liked everyone else come sniffing around here trying to steal my life's work.
23:03And you're jealous.
23:04Oh, why would we be jealous of you? You're making car people.
23:06There's no simplification.
23:09I evolved that broken killer into something more.
23:12If the only way to survive outside is to be in a car, then what if you could be the
23:18car?
23:19But it's still not right.
23:21You're still too much human in you.
23:23Oh, but I could get it right.
23:25With one of you.
23:27So what, you just made cars out of black people?
23:29What?
23:30No!
23:31It's not racially motivated.
23:32Is that what's coming off?
23:33Yeah.
23:33I mean, you look at him, you look at us.
23:36It's...
23:36Let me just say, I've always believed science is colorblind.
23:40Oh, God.
23:45What's going on with him?
23:47He's not sick, is he?
23:49To be honest, I have no idea what he's doing.
23:52Family whistle!
23:53Yeah, the family whistle!
24:05Some of my best friends are black.
24:13Thanks, big bro.
24:15Now if we can just get that tiny little butthole of a mouth to whistle.
24:19If my mouth is a butthole, so is yours.
24:21That's how jeans work.
24:22Now go cut the power so we can bail.
24:38Hey, uh, Axel, right?
24:42Listen, I know we had our differences, but, um, we just killed this little racist nerd because of power.
24:49So, you're free to go.
24:51Now I hope we can go our separate ways peacefully.
24:55What?
24:58We've had our differences.
25:00Dude, you gotta, you gotta use your big boy voice.
25:03Would you?
25:03We cut the power, you're free to go.
25:06Oh.
25:06Good looking out.
25:08I hated that motherfucker.
25:10Peace.
25:18Remember, driving is about making a decision and making it happen.
25:22You second-guess yourself, you crash and burn.
25:25All right.
25:26Gas up.
25:27Guns loaded.
25:28Mirrors clear of...
25:30Jeremy?
25:32Run!
25:33He's coming!
25:42Ian.
25:43Drive.
25:55Ah.
25:56What is he doing?
25:59Ah.
26:06What is he doing?
26:08Oh, shit!
26:09He decides to drive!
26:10Save you!
26:19Holy shit!
26:20I did it!
26:20Accelerate later!
26:21Great!
26:31Uh...
26:31What the hell is that?
26:33Quiet!
26:34This wasn't on the final exam!
26:37Big Mac!
26:38Oh, my God, it's not really the final exam.
26:44Mmm.
26:55Again, that went after...
26:58No, the ultimately took off.
26:59But...
27:00I didn't know where I'm inside.
27:01And you should fit through.
27:03For more Vitalik!
27:05To moral wit to oppose your leave.
27:06When I close my eyes, it's you I see
27:11Everything I know that makes me believe
27:16I'm not alone
27:21Cause you're everything to me
27:26When I close my eyes, it's you I see
27:30Everything I know that makes me believe
27:35I'm not alone
27:40When we win, I was thinking maybe I'd take quiet up to Grandpop's cabin
27:46Cabin, now that brings back some memories
27:49Wait, how you gonna remember Grandpop's cabin and not Grandpop?
27:54I might have found a way there
28:00Hey, I drew this
28:02Yeah
28:05Bitch, you read my diary?
28:07What? No, I wouldn't
28:08Well, yeah, I'm okay just a little bit
28:10Look, I got tired of hearing about horses and how funny Brian Carroll was
28:14Oh, funny and fine
28:16No third grader could resist his charms
28:22Look who decided to show up
28:24Why is the kid driving?
28:26Why is your face all fucked up?
28:27We just had a run-in with the grim douchebag and a naked man on wheels
28:32Axel
28:32Ashley and Jeremy are dead
28:34They're real fucking dead
28:36And we're gonna be next if we don't get the fuck out of here
28:38Shit, okay, we should load up
28:40I'll ride with you
28:46So that detour worked, huh?
28:48It did
28:48Thank you for making that happen
28:51You're high, aren't you?
28:53Indubiably
29:02Ash and Jeremy weren't the best soldiers
29:04But their hearts were committed to the cause
29:09May their souls
29:11Bang for eternity
29:23Why didn't she bury the mask?
29:26The mission lives on
29:27It'll go to the next doll worthy of wearing it
29:29Oh
29:30Well, you know, when you go down
29:31I'll keep your mask alive
29:33Oh, that's so nice
29:35Knowing you're driving, it'll probably be you that kills me
29:51Diesel City
29:53Got the biggest, scariest, loudest special weapons that made and sold
29:56That's cool, but we don't have any money
29:58We don't need money
30:01So we're gonna steal them
30:19This is what kind of party
30:20Welcome to my contest
30:22What are you up to, you long-haired fuck?
30:25You will compete in multiple rounds
30:27Each unique and more deadly than the last
30:30Where in the fuck do you think you've gone?
30:32If you survive, you advance
30:34There's a lot of stone-cold killers here
30:36Hi, sweet tooth
30:38Grim, I'll help you get out
30:40I got a special invitation
30:42The last driver behind the wheel gets their wish granted
30:46I'm taking them all down
30:48Bash it up, bash it up, bash it up, bash it up
30:51Go, go, go, go, go
30:55I'm worried that it'll take two wins
30:57You make a run at me, I will end you
30:59Korin or go, list your cause of death is everything
31:02The time for the tournament to begin
31:05Time!
31:08Do people win?
31:11Come on and play!
31:13Welcome to Twisted Metal
31:42Be well
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