- 9 hours ago
Twisted Metal - Season 2 - Episode 11: OHLYNTE
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TVTranscript
00:17You
00:18Come on, you guys are so dramatic
00:30I heard you were sneaking around our gate
00:33Trying to find a way out, eh?
00:36Cute
00:38Have a seat
00:40I insist
00:45You know
00:47This gun
00:49Was handcrafted in 1862
00:52During the American Civil War
00:54Designed specifically
00:55For dueling
00:56When things get up close and personal
00:59When you're at war
01:00With your neighbor
01:02The bullets are tiny, don't do shit
01:04I could say the same about you
01:07And I'm surprised
01:08You'd leave us
01:09I thought for sure you'd want to watch your friends in the final round
01:12Those losers aren't my friends
01:15Fuck them, and fuck you
01:17You weirdo, I just want to get out of here
01:19You are delightful
01:21And
01:22I would wish you bon voyage
01:25But
01:27You got a peek at something
01:29You shouldn't have
01:31I didn't see anything
01:33Good, there's nothing
01:35To see
01:36Maybe that's why I didn't see it
01:38See what?
01:39Exactly
01:43Oh, and if it's all the same
01:44I'd like to have you as my guest for the final round
01:49Just to be safe
01:54It'd be my fucking pleasure
01:57For the bar
01:59For the bar
02:02Rise and shine
02:03The final round of the tournament is here
02:05In honor of your last morning as my guests
02:08I've arranged a special treat
02:12Who loves breakfast?
02:18All righty, let's do bacon and cheddar on the first one
02:20On the second one, let's go a little more intercontinental
02:23So let's do mushy, feta, and...
02:25Oh, is that pesto?
02:26Oh yeah, let's do that
02:28And for you?
02:29Cheese
02:31Not so much to say now that all your little buddies are gone, huh?
02:34I can make new buddies
02:36But you only had one and now it's gone
02:41Harold would want me to kill you
02:43And I will in his honor
02:48God, you're a fool
02:51You've had it in for me ever since I came to Blackfield
02:54Blackfield was my asylum
02:56I was the most popular murderer
02:58And then you show up like King Shit of Fuck Mountain
03:01Nobody steals my spotlight
03:03Oh, I'm gonna be stealing a lot more than that
03:06When this is all said and done
03:08It's gonna be a pleasure to finally put you in the ground
03:10Yeah, I bet you think you're gonna suck me inside of you
03:13And I'm telling you right now, it ain't happening
03:16I don't want you inside of me, I want you dead
03:19Your omelette's served
03:20Ooh, is that a salsa bar?
03:24Me, I'm-o hungry
03:25Hey!
03:38Are people aware of how much better sex in a bed is?
03:41I mean, should we tell them?
03:43All I know is you couldn't hit that angle in roadkill
03:51Hey, where are you going?
04:02Come back
04:03For all we know, the tournament could start tomorrow
04:05You should try and relax
04:07I just need to be ready
04:11I feel like I'm standing at the edge of a cliff
04:13Yeah, my stomach is all twisted too
04:18Look, if you're worried we're not gonna win
04:22It's not that
04:25I'm worried what it'll take to win
04:28We knew Calypso wasn't gonna make it easy on us
04:31That's what makes your wish
04:33Our wish
04:35Worth it
04:38But if we both make it through this
04:40John, if we both make it
04:43That means we each gotta get through
04:45Raven and Sweet Tooth
04:47And Grimm
04:48I know it sounds impossible
04:50Let's putting it lightly
04:51The odds are against us
04:52Fuck the odds
04:54We keep fighting
04:55Until we don't have to anymore
04:59That's all we can do
05:02Right?
05:04We keep fighting
05:07I noticed you didn't mention Mike or Stu
05:10Oh yeah, maybe we can win
05:38We're almost at the finish line
05:57We didn't mention Mike or Stu
05:57This is it
05:59That's all we got left with Dave
06:08he was simple but also complex you know anyway may his soul rest as he lived chill as hell
06:23are you sure yes it's the only way you do it not strong enough
06:36it's done now
06:49i know dave was a eater of man he probably would have eaten my ass too when i was alone
06:58out there man he
07:01he had my back i should have come back for you i was a coward my best friend was probably
07:09murdered
07:09and i just sat there and let it happen never again dude i'd fucking die for you mike
07:19i won't lose you again we ain't dying today come come get that wish hell yeah we are
07:30fuck you bring it here man
07:35sorry it's okay i love you i love you too we need to let may down easy she assumes she's
07:41coming with us
07:42right that's what i'm saying if you break it to her easy she might be more chill
07:45okay she won't but she'll listen to you she looks up to you yes i know that's because i'm the
07:50pool
07:51friend you're more of like a authority figure like a dad i do not give off dad bod
07:56says the man who grunts when he stands up oh okay all right rochelle beaufort ready
08:07what the hell is that it's a gun gun beats tire tire beats road
08:13no that's not how you play also rock crushed gun i win
08:19damn it i never thought about a rock
08:21damn it i never thought about a rock
08:26mayhem
08:26where the hell is she
08:27right
08:49oh okay thanks for the hand dude
08:56so uh
08:57does anybody else have a bag on their end
08:59drivers
09:03reveal yourselves
09:20welcome to the final room
09:38you have watched these six drivers compete round after round destroying anyone and everyone who stands in their way
09:53they've been watching us the entire time come on steward let's scoot at it
09:59listen to them they love me
10:02yes
10:06fucking sheep i have never seen this many people in one place before i know so many
10:14and half of them hate us
10:15oh shit there's mayhem
10:17she's got good seats
10:18you think she's okay
10:21hmm she seems fine
10:22it's better up there with him than she would be down here with us
10:27today
10:29insiders
10:30and outsiders
10:33join each other
10:34in celebration
10:36and is there a day more appropriate for unity
10:40than christmas
10:45this time of year was always about hope
10:47and my drivers
10:49have shown you that
10:50if you work hard enough
10:52and pull yourself up by your hubcaps
10:55you too can achieve miracles
10:58you can have your greatest wish granted
11:01i think i'm missing some years too
11:03what's with all the wish talk
11:05it's the entire reason we're here
11:07first time hearing of it
11:09dude we talked about the wish in the weird well room place
11:12you wanted to keep the coin
11:13i thought he was joshing
11:14joshing
11:15joshing
11:15why would he be joshing
11:16i don't know i mean he seems like a joshier you know sneaky
11:19type of guy to make you throw away a perfectly good coin and some dirty water and then laugh about
11:23it with his friends afterwards
11:24i'm no asshole still
11:25but you are a moron
11:27i wish
11:28i wish
11:29for all the walls to come down
11:40to win your wish
11:44you simply must be the last contestant driving
11:49this day
11:50this day
11:50this day
11:51shall henceforth be known
11:53as a new holiday
11:56the day
11:57of twisted metal
12:00book
12:10driver's
12:11on your marks
12:14how's your leg
12:16not good
12:17fuck
12:34I'm not alone cause the TV's on, yeah
12:38Hey, hey!
12:39Dude, what are you doing?
12:41Sorry, what's happened?
12:42Get in!
12:44Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
12:46ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
12:51ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
12:58ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
13:03ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
13:05ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
13:06ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
13:07ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
13:08ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
13:08ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
13:08ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
13:08ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
13:09ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
13:09ha ha ha
13:09My side you're gonna have to deal with
13:40Later, dick
13:42Alright fellas, speed a bit
13:44Oh shit, is that dirt?
13:47Someone's gonna win, right?
13:48Here comes Hammerhead
13:51You're not my guy, so fuck you
13:54Hey, looks like Mike and you aren't playing around
13:57I might be in trouble out here
13:59John, I'd love to save your ass, but I got a clown throwing up mine
14:04Well, looks like your friends are already on the ropes
14:08I don't have any friends
14:10Interesting
14:11And here I thought these two were making you soft
14:15I've always said that family, friends, they make you weak
14:20The strength comes from standing on your own
14:27I see that strength in you
14:31Can I interest you in some elk cheese?
14:33It's delightfully gaming
15:01I've always liked you quiet
15:02Gosh, not too long ago you were a little fishy in my tank
15:05I'm glad you got out
15:07Cause chasing you down is way more fun
15:09How? She's so goddamn fast
15:14Oh, there you are
15:15Tell you later quiet
15:18You're mine
15:22John, bring him to me
15:25Don't slow down
15:47Don't slow down!!
15:49mine Crossfit
15:49Go Sports
15:52Play
15:54Like
15:54I'm
15:55madT
16:08One car down, and five to go.
16:18Where are you going, Grim?
16:21Oh, what have we here?
16:26Grim's my main course, but your nasty little ass can be my appetizer.
16:32Hey, Cloud's trying to fuck me!
16:35Good thing I brought protection.
16:39Here comes the pain.
16:46A shield? That's not the spirit of the game, fucking cheater!
16:50Ha ha, kiss me and I'll kiss you back.
17:13What is she doing?
17:16Honestly, it's pretty badass.
17:18Cheat codes? Pathetic!
17:20Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
17:22Who wants it next?
17:24I want carnage, not trickery!
17:41Fuck the force field. All I need is force!
17:46Yeah. Balance restored. Are you enjoying the show?
17:56Oh, come on, John. Come on, quiet.
18:03Hey, could you help get them off my ass, please?
18:06On it!
18:15All right, Raven. Now it's just you and me.
18:22I had you all set up to win, but you threw it all away from the nookies!
18:28Oh, come on, Alpha!
18:33No!
18:35Take it!
18:37What are you doing here?
18:41Yeah, it's just the best.
18:44What's wrong with that?
18:50If you've ever taken over your ass, don't even know what you've ever seen.
18:51I'll kill it.
18:51And that's it.
18:53What's wrong with that?
19:10now i'm glad you didn't drive for me you suck at this hey raven
19:26kiss my ass raven
19:52may i have to stand
20:32okay dummy you go left i go right i mean mix it up a little
20:37the stream is out we're almost there trying to line up grim but he's squirrely
20:45hey that kill is mine this dibs mean nothing to you people
20:53wait does your roadkill have the red lever
20:58fuck yeah it does line them up
21:23oh yeah that's the stuff
21:33time to settle this grim
21:35once and for all
21:55yes
22:06This is my show!
22:12This is hands and dozies now.
22:16Hey! Hey! This doesn't concern you!
22:26You can kill me, but at the end of the day, you'll still be a sad, pathetic clown.
22:31Mark it!
22:35But everyone will know my name!
22:38The Sweet Duke!
22:45Bullseye.
22:46Booyah!
22:53I would like to see that on a replay.
22:56Oh, wait. I can.
23:01Oh, yes! Yes!
23:07Now, time for the real fun to begin.
23:12We're close to the end, folks, but I have a feeling some of you out there would love a little
23:17twist.
23:22What's a final round without a final boss?
23:52Please, welcome to the game!
23:55Let's go of the game!
23:57Muy bien!
24:34it's wonderful isn't it i mean yes you could have worn them but it's better this way
24:39they'll never hold you back again
24:55what the hell is that thing a robot or a monster a robot monster
25:05okay tough guy game on here we go
25:30well guess we gotta do this the old-fashioned way
25:42shit this motherfucker's fast
25:50i like the gun of your jib
26:15this is bad
26:37that all you got
26:43oh
26:46sad clown
27:05move move
27:16holy fuck
27:18what do you want to do about this whole final boss situation i have no idea but i'm starting to
27:23think
27:23calypso might not want anybody to win this tournament
27:26why go through all the trouble question for another day right now i'm wondering how to beat this son of
27:30a
27:54shit face you miss
28:18hey john remind me how's roadkill's turning radius
28:23fucking awesome
28:27now let's show this big red motherfucker what roadkillers made of
28:30you got it
28:31rock him on
28:41found a weak spot on the back
28:42okay i take left you take right we'll outflank them together wouldn't want it any other way
28:54game over
28:56game over
29:04oh god
29:18oh
29:29oh looks like we may have a winner
29:46oh
29:46oh
29:47oh
29:47oh
29:47oh
30:01double
30:03double elimination
30:07john
30:15john
30:17john
30:19john
30:20john
30:20john
30:21god dammit
30:21wake up
30:22wake up
30:23please
30:24john
30:27Kylan.
30:30Kylan, don't give me.
30:31Wake up.
30:33Kylan!
30:50Kylan!
30:51Mike!
30:53Mike!
30:55Mike!
30:55Mike!
30:56Wake up, dude.
30:58Mike!
31:03I'm so sorry, man.
31:06You didn't deserve this.
31:08I love you, man.
31:09Wake up!
31:14I'll avenge you.
31:16I promise.
31:34All right, you crazy fucks.
31:36It's time to feel the wrath of me.
31:42Wait a minute.
31:44Where is everyone?
31:54Wow.
31:56Okay.
32:00Ladies and gentlemen,
32:02please congratulate the victors,
32:04Mike and Stu.
32:07Oh, wait.
32:08Mike's dead.
32:09Just Stu.
32:12I won?
32:17Stu, Stu, Stu, Stu!
32:21Mike!
32:40I will be leaving now, you greasy-haired little bitch.
32:43Oh, I tried.
32:45Go on.
32:46Go to them.
32:48It's not going to matter soon anyway.
32:53We did it, Mike.
32:56I'm the winner!
32:58Yeah!
33:00I'm the winner!
33:02I'm the winner!
33:11I'm the winner!
33:20I'm the winner!
33:21I'm the winner!
33:23I'm the winner!
33:23I'm the winner!
33:24I'm the winner!
33:25I'm the winner!
33:27I'm the winner!
33:28I'm the winner!
33:29I'm the winner!
33:31I'm the winner!
33:31I'm the winner!
33:51Jesus Christ.
34:10Jesus Christ.
34:41Jesus Christ.
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