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Bear Grylls - Wild Reckoning - Season 1 - Episode 01: Friends Divided by Grief
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00:00The Welsh Coast.
00:03This is a place that I call home.
00:06It's rugged, wild, unforgiving at times.
00:11And out here, nature tends to strip things back to what really matters.
00:17I'm Bear Grylls.
00:19I've spent my life in the wild,
00:21testing myself against the toughest conditions on Earth.
00:25But my latest challenge is something I've never done before.
00:31Dealing with people's lives, their relationships,
00:34and their greatest conflicts.
00:36Is that supporting or is that degrading?
00:38We weren't always honest about wanting to be there.
00:41In a two-day experience, no distractions, no way out.
00:45Oh, I got you.
00:47With my hand-picked team of experts,
00:49we've set physical and emotional challenges.
00:52Can their time in the wild...
00:54You're nearly there.
00:55I'm going to die.
00:57...heal old wounds...
00:58I don't want to talk about it.
01:01...resolve differences...
01:03I do trust you.
01:04...and forge new futures.
01:06We're immensely proud of the person you are.
01:09This is Wild Reckoning.
01:14Today, I'm going to meet 26-year-old Rhys.
01:18He needs my help to win back his best friend, Niall.
01:22It's very lucky in life to be able to find someone
01:24who gets along with you that well.
01:26And that's sort of a friendship that you wouldn't want to waste.
01:29It would mean the world to me to get my friendship back with Niall.
01:35Hey, Rhys.
01:36Hi, how are you doing?
01:37Nice to meet you, buddy.
01:37You okay?
01:38You're here for a reason.
01:40Tell me about that.
01:41One of my old friends, Niall, from a long time ago,
01:43we met when we were quite young.
01:44But just over the years, it's a clunk.
01:46And I'm unsure why.
01:49Rhys and Niall met in childhood,
01:51but became friends in their teens.
01:54We both had similar interests with sort of like amateur dramatics,
01:58stuff like that.
01:59We always had the same laughs and same jokes.
02:02I've always tried to be there as a friend,
02:05but also as a brother,
02:07because I'm just a little bit older than him.
02:09He's 21, I'm 26.
02:10But our families knew each other from when we were young.
02:13But in the last few years, they've barely spoken.
02:18What do you think is the issue?
02:20Probably that there's been like a lack of communication.
02:22Niall's had a tough time in his family.
02:24He lost his brother.
02:25And I feel like in the bottom of my heart,
02:27I just want to be there for him.
02:28Maybe he's put up a few barriers and, you know,
02:32maybe he's actually keen for you to push through those.
02:34I don't see it myself because I'm not in that position.
02:36So maybe I need to learn myself that this is a long process
02:40and maybe my approach on some things haven't been great.
02:43So looking at an alternative and doing different things together
02:47might help bring us together again.
02:49You're going to have a couple of tough days.
02:51If you want the rewards, it costs.
02:54But the wild also heals us and brings people together.
02:57I've seen that happen time after time.
03:00When I first approached him about it,
03:02I was expecting him to go, no, I'm not doing that.
03:04And something tells me in my heart that he was willing to do it
03:07because he believes the same as me.
03:08We'll work hard to find that because in life, as you know,
03:11there is no currency as valuable as a great friend.
03:14Right, 100%, couldn't agree more.
03:18Reece says that he doesn't know why the friendship changed,
03:21but what he does say is that the difficulty started
03:24around the time that Naa's brother died.
03:27I suspect that they've never really talked about that time,
03:31how it affected them.
03:33If they're going to rebuild their bond,
03:36they need to be honest with each other
03:38because without that tough conversation,
03:40the trust that they had before is just going to stay buried.
03:50Reece's friend Niall has agreed to spend the next two days with him in the wild.
03:56And he has his own feelings about why their friendship went wrong.
04:01Things have definitely changed.
04:03Our lives have just gone in separate directions.
04:07I went through something quite traumatic at the end of 2021.
04:12My brother took his own life and that made me completely withdraw.
04:26It just, you know, obviously it completely changed my life as I know it.
04:34I was 17 at the time and it took me so, so long to find myself again.
04:41Now that I've started to gain confidence again,
04:46I feel almost as if Reece has now been the closed off one.
04:51It feels like he's lost faith in me as a friend.
04:59I'm hoping what I have planned for Reece and Niall
05:02will offer them one last chance to save this friendship.
05:06Yeah, yeah, yeah.
05:08Watching their every move will be mediator Mo,
05:11who has years of experience in resolving conflict and getting people talking.
05:16The loss of a loved one changes you completely inside and out.
05:20I think it's going to be a real challenge to build back the communication
05:23and trust between these people.
05:25And survival guide Naomi, who will lead them through two challenges
05:29that I've designed to get them working together.
05:32Can you hear me?
05:33And help them learn to lean on each other again.
05:37Come on mate.
05:38Can they face the cause of their rift?
05:41You bailed on me.
05:42And find forgiveness?
05:45Or will they decide to go their separate ways?
05:51Time to bring them face to face.
05:55So Reece, how are you feeling?
05:57Yeah, a little bit nervous.
05:58But it'd be good to see him, see where we're at.
06:00All right, let's do it.
06:04All right, trouble?
06:05You okay?
06:05How you doing?
06:06You all right?
06:07Not too bad, yeah.
06:09The unknown for anything is frightening.
06:11I don't know whether I'm just getting nervous
06:13or it's a mixed emotion kind of situation.
06:16Bit of a wild place.
06:17Yeah.
06:18Not sure what to expect.
06:20I think he's almost trying to fill the silence
06:24because he takes that as being awkward.
06:26Things feel uncomfortable.
06:29But that's exactly what my first task is designed to tackle.
06:34Guided by survival expert Naomi...
06:36You're going to need one of these.
06:39Reece and Niall need to search the lake
06:41for an essential survival item to make their night's shelter.
06:49Do you want to push me in from the back?
06:51Yeah.
06:52A little bit.
06:53They'll be in separate canoes,
06:56so they will really have to listen to each other
06:58if they're going to work as a team.
07:01Right, can you see if you can get in and I'll hold you there?
07:04You in?
07:05Right.
07:06You good?
07:06I want them to realise that even when distance creeps in
07:10to relationships, the connection is always still there
07:14if you're willing to reach out for it.
07:17Put your legs in front of that black thing.
07:18You'll be all right, I've got a hold of you,
07:19you're not going to go anywhere.
07:20Yeah.
07:20That's it?
07:21Cool.
07:22Right, pick up one of those.
07:24If you want to go left, you've got to paddle right
07:26and if you want to go right, you've got to paddle left.
07:28You with me?
07:29Yeah.
07:30That's the one.
07:31We split based on the lack of communication.
07:33There were times where he was doing other things,
07:35I was doing other things.
07:36We didn't make enough effort between us.
07:39Could we split up?
07:41Yeah, we could, yeah.
07:42Do you want to go round that way there?
07:44Yeah, I'll go round this way.
07:45And I'll go through the middle.
07:48I was really struggling.
07:51I found it difficult to reach out to him and to even send simple texts.
07:57He probably thought that I perhaps wasn't as willing to fix things.
08:02Can you hear me?
08:04What can you see in front of you?
08:07Mediator Mo is keeping a close eye on their progress.
08:11I'll have a little look in here, see what you can find round there.
08:14All right.
08:15There's lots of chat between the two bolts.
08:17Rhys taking the lead.
08:19It was very interesting to see them go back into almost their natural roles.
08:24Rhys taking a more proactive role.
08:28If you can come back round.
08:29I can do my best.
08:30The opposite way, like this.
08:31All right.
08:32You'll be fine.
08:33Bloody hell, Rhys, what you got me into?
08:35I know.
08:37And now I was a little bit more anxious and a little bit more reserved.
08:42Before this experience, we hadn't actually spoken since the start of the year.
08:47I felt like, do I want to approach this person to tell him how I feel right now?
08:51Because does that person care?
08:53Where I am is really shallow.
08:55I'm going to carry on moving around this corner.
08:58Hang on.
09:01Searching the lake together is helping break down the barriers between them.
09:05But can they find the hidden item?
09:09Can you see that?
09:11Yeah.
09:12Let's have a look on that.
09:13It's a little bit suspicious.
09:18I think I've found a buoy.
09:19You found something?
09:20Yeah.
09:21I got it.
09:22Give me a second.
09:23Stuck on the rocks.
09:25Give me a shout if you need a hand.
09:29Try and do this safely.
09:31Hang on.
09:32Oh, you got it?
09:33Yeah, it was attached to a brick.
09:35Oh, my God.
09:37It's a tarpaulin they'll need to build tonight's shelter.
09:42Congratulations.
09:43Make your way back to me.
09:45All right, you ready?
09:45We can head back.
09:46Yeah.
09:47Let's go.
09:50But the tarp isn't the only piece of kit they need to take to camp.
09:55Bring your canoes and follow me.
09:57Let me just get through the gate.
09:59There we go.
09:59Well, you've got one canoe to camp.
10:01OK.
10:01Oh, here we go.
10:02Put that down.
10:03Oh, jeez.
10:04Yeah, we've got another one to go, yeah?
10:06What I'm going to get you to do is carry it one at a time.
10:10So, one of you is going to carry it halfway.
10:12You're going to switch, and the other is going to carry it all the way to camp.
10:18I think I'm the back of my head.
10:19I know what she's talking about.
10:21This technique is the most efficient way for a person to carry a canoe single-handed.
10:26That's it.
10:26Like that.
10:27Perfect.
10:28And then we've got to get it on top of my head.
10:30Go, go, go.
10:30But it's a gruelling test of stamina.
10:33I want these boys to realise that even when things are tough, they can persevere and come
10:39out the other side.
10:41I'm going to take over.
10:43How do you feel about that?
10:45That's all right.
10:45Keep it level so you can see where you're going.
10:50Oh, my God.
10:51Good job.
10:57Now they can use the canoes and tarpaulin to build their shelter.
11:01Keep going.
11:03That's holding.
11:05I think.
11:06Don't speak too soon.
11:08That's it.
11:09What do you think?
11:09I feel a bit of relief now that we're finally getting somewhere.
11:12I was in that stage of denial for a long time with regard to the grief.
11:20I guess there is no right way that you can go about bereavement.
11:23Lay that down like that.
11:24But I found it really difficult.
11:26What do you reckon?
11:27Home sweet home, isn't it?
11:28Oh!
11:29Goodnight, everybody.
11:31There you go.
11:32I don't quite know what he's going through, but I want to be there to support him.
11:37Beans and sausage.
11:39Spoilt.
11:39Rotten.
11:40Through these shared challenges, Rhys and Niall have relaxed in each other's company.
11:46But they still haven't managed to reach out to each other emotionally.
11:54Hello, gentlemen.
11:55Here he is.
11:56Are you all right?
11:56I'm very good.
11:58With mediator Mo's help, they need to confront the difficult things in their past.
12:04Only then can they move on.
12:07How do you think today has gone?
12:08Yeah, it's been a challenge.
12:10I knew I was going to be out of my depth, but I didn't know just how out of my
12:13depth I was going to be.
12:15I would like you to write a letter to each other to describe why you think that your relationship faded.
12:36I feel our relationship has faded because of our lack of communication.
12:41And a distance of time away from each other.
12:44And perhaps not always being honest with each other at times.
12:48This makes me feel sad and upset to why we didn't understand each other so much.
12:53I hope this can change for us.
12:56I see you like a big brother.
12:58A mental figure.
13:00Which is why I was so upset when we first started drifting.
13:04The reason that I think our relationship faded was, truthfully, because of me.
13:12I feel as if it's been because I've been withdrawn in everything that's happened in my life.
13:17And I just hope that it's not too late for me to fix things.
13:27How did it feel hearing that?
13:29From the bottom of my heart hearing those words, it's so sad because I think I can meet you halfway
13:34and say it's been me too.
13:35And I think we've perhaps not invested the right time in it.
13:40And it breaks my heart to hear you say I'm like a brother figure to you because I've always seen
13:46you as my little brother.
13:48I feel as if when I was ready to make that first big step to reach back out to you,
13:55and when I finally felt like I kind of got my confidence back, you bailed on me.
14:02Rhys?
14:03I know I've been bad for it in the past, but you two have also bailed out on me.
14:09Sometimes I just felt you weren't always honest about wanting to be there.
14:13You feel like you came because you had to, and I obviously want you to come because you want to.
14:17Because I want to, yeah.
14:18Sometimes when we would go to town, you know, me being the more introverted one of the bunch, I'd say
14:25it felt like sometimes I could be, I don't know, left out.
14:30It didn't ever feel like you were that bothered.
14:32No, I get that in the past, but I felt like, you know, for me, once I'd finally got my
14:38confidence back, it felt like you kind of were doing the same thing to me, almost as like, at the
14:44time I felt incredibly frustrated by that.
14:48The kind of tables had almost turned, if that makes sense.
14:51I get that.
14:52Yeah.
14:53Yeah.
14:55But we could both go back and forth about stuff like that, but that's sort of where one of our
14:59leading problems has been.
15:00That's why we just need to kind of leave it behind in some ways, you know, and kind of start
15:05on a clean slate, really, I think.
15:06I agree.
15:07Yeah.
15:08I feel like it's an important thing to know that I'll always be there for you no matter what happens
15:12in our friendship.
15:13It gives me hope that we can rebuild better or even stronger than how we used to be.
15:21But it obviously hurts to hear there has been that lack of communication.
15:26And I'm going to be honest with you.
15:27I feel guilty because I feel as if I should have reached out to you more.
15:35And I think, foolishly, I didn't.
15:40I'm bad for that too, man.
15:42I am.
15:44Now might be the opportunity to actually share with Rhys the impact the passing of your brother had on you.
15:52I can't even really put it into words because I had so much going on at the time, I didn't
15:59really have time to kind of address it myself.
16:02I wasn't able to take that step back and just grieve, you know.
16:06I almost feel like, in a weird way, I've kind of continued that vicious cycle of men not feeling like
16:13they're able to talk.
16:16You know, that makes me feel terrible.
16:19It's hard for me to see him grieve, being able to carry on with his life.
16:24And even talk about it is a massive, massive thing to do.
16:29That shows what a strong person he is.
16:32It's important for me to understand that what went on was a serious matter.
16:36And I have to put myself in his shoes for that small second and just acknowledge that I haven't been
16:42through it myself.
16:43I'll never really know how Niall's feeling.
16:46I don't have a brother.
16:48Just wanting to intercede there.
16:51You have got a brother.
16:53He's sitting next to you.
16:54Yeah, I have.
16:57And hopefully by sharing some of these inner thoughts and feelings can help to put closure on that chapter.
17:04Yeah.
17:04I'd like to ask you whether you're ready to put those grudges to bed.
17:12What do you reckon, eh?
17:13I think so.
17:14Yeah?
17:14Yeah.
17:15So guys, rip those pages out.
17:18Put them on the fire.
17:29Yeah.
17:30After you.
17:43Gone.
17:44That's that, isn't it?
17:45Yeah.
17:47Gone.
17:50The start of a new chapter.
17:51That's it.
17:58The letter was a really powerful exercise by getting that out and putting it onto paper.
18:04It enabled them to talk about the hard topics.
18:09Some of those things that they've been wrestling with since the breakdown in their relationship.
18:15This technique can help anyone struggling to put complex feelings into words.
18:20It actually kick-starts the logic part of our brain, helping us to regulate our emotions
18:25and feel more in control of them.
18:35So yesterday proved that Niall and Reece still actually have a really deep bond.
18:41But the campfire was probably the first time that they've faced up to the painful reasons
18:46about why they've drifted apart.
18:49Now what they need to do is take that vulnerability and learn to trust in each other's friendships once more.
18:56Trust heals so much.
19:00I found it to be quite eye-opening really.
19:03It's not often that you get such honesty.
19:09There's always going to be tension after something like yesterday where we were completely honest with each other.
19:14That might take some time to sink in.
19:17I don't think things are going to be perfect or I don't expect them to be fixed, you know, by
19:21the end of today even.
19:22But we're making a good start and I think we're on the right path.
19:28Morning, gents.
19:29Hello, sir.
19:30Morning, Mo.
19:30How did you sleep?
19:32Slept better.
19:32Yeah, slept better, yeah.
19:34Well, yesterday was an important day, but today there is more to come.
19:38Ready for your next task?
19:39Yeah.
19:39Yeah.
19:40Right, let's go.
19:42There's one last challenge before Rhys and Niall's time in the wild comes to an end.
19:48They are going to have to complete a forward-facing abseil.
19:51It's scary.
19:52Straight down this sheer cliff.
19:58So let's get you geared up and get going.
20:02Okay.
20:04Privately, Rhys has said that height is one of his biggest fears.
20:07Yeah, I wasn't expecting to go forwards, quite honestly.
20:11Rhys's fear of heights means this task turns a usual dynamic on its head.
20:18It's okay.
20:19I'll be all right.
20:21If he goes for it, I'll be so, so proud of him.
20:27It's Rhys's turn to be vulnerable and Niall's turn to step up.
20:34That courage, that vulnerability is what creates strong bonds in the wild and in life.
20:42Last couple of years, I've been building up that confidence again for myself.
20:46I really want to make that effort to rebuild things with Rhys and try and get back to where we
20:52were.
20:53For you, I think you're confident with this kind of thing.
20:56I know it's a big fear of yours, but look, the fact that both of us are here, we're just
21:01going to make the best of it, haven't we?
21:06Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I'll be all right.
21:25They're struggling to get into the right position.
21:28Get your legs still, straighten up and get your body weight forward.
21:33Straighten up.
21:41Come on, mate. Come and join me.
21:48You okay?
21:49Yeah, you?
21:50Yeah, man.
21:50You're doing it, mate. Come on.
21:53Like two old people. Come on.
21:57Okay?
21:58Yeah.
21:58Is this kind of what it's meant to look like?
22:01We've done the hard part, no?
22:03Yeah.
22:03This is a straight forward part.
22:04What did I tell you, mate?
22:05Yeah, I know, I know, I know, I know.
22:06Well done.
22:09You're getting me over my fear. This is good.
22:12Stop for a sec.
22:13Sorry?
22:13Breathe.
22:14Take the view in.
22:16Woo!
22:17Yeah!
22:20We're good. There's no rush. It's me and you, man.
22:23Just doing it together.
22:25That's it.
22:29You got it.
22:30There we are.
22:32Nice.
22:33One small step for mankind. There we are.
22:35One giant leap for celebrating.
22:36Oh, God.
22:39Yes, come here.
22:40Come here. Come here.
22:41We love it.
22:42I told you you could do it. Honestly.
22:44That's such an experience.
22:46So this process has been tough.
22:48Been tough.
22:50So let's get you unclipped.
22:51You can breathe.
22:52Thank you very much.
22:54Being able to talk and being able to let your feelings out
22:56is what everyone needs to do.
23:00He's been through a lot.
23:01I have not known how to approach it.
23:03But now we're on the same level again.
23:06Things might just be a bit easier.
23:08We've thrown the past in the bin.
23:11This morning, I thought we'd come a long way from where we had been.
23:16And I didn't think it was possible to break more ground in such short time.
23:23But with that exercise, it really felt like we had built that sense of faith again.
23:31And perhaps even uncover something new.
23:33Come on, mate.
23:34Come on, man.
23:35That was good.
23:36Rolling, rolling.
23:37You could really feel the sense of triumph when they got to the bottom.
23:42That hug was quite symbolic of the journey that it had been on.
23:46And that was great to see.
23:48Guys, great to see you supporting each other.
23:50Because that was tough, right?
23:51Yeah, absolutely.
23:52Yeah.
23:52For anyone who's lost a loved one, it's very hard to even know what to say to them.
23:56So I think it's really important that we learn and relearn how to communicate.
24:03And really understand that it's okay to ask for help.
24:08I don't know what the future holds for these two.
24:10But I do hope that they hold on to the honesty that they found in these two days.
24:18Rhys and Niall's time in the Welsh wilderness is at an end.
24:34They've had a few days at home to let things sink in.
24:38And now I'm meeting them for a final time.
24:42Have they learned to let each other in and begin a new chapter of friendship?
24:51Well done, Rhys.
24:53We did.
24:53Nice to see you again, Niall.
24:54Nice to see you.
24:55Nice to see you, yeah.
24:56Tough two days?
24:57Definitely.
24:58You can say that again.
24:58It was challenging.
24:59You guys had some stuff to resolve.
25:01What changed it?
25:02Where was that moment?
25:04I think we had an opportunity to be together away from the real world for a minute.
25:08The challenges gave us something else to think about.
25:11And in those challenges, we had to enable teamwork.
25:14We had to enable communication.
25:15I've not opened up about the passing of my brother so much.
25:19And I think it was a chance for me to finally kind of lift that weight from my shoulders.
25:24Yeah, for sure.
25:25Yeah.
25:25It opened up a load of doors for me to see something that I didn't see.
25:29And I wasn't giving that enough time and enough thought to understand how Niall was feeling.
25:33Tell me how that campfire was for you.
25:35That must have been hard.
25:36I think making that first step's always the hardest.
25:40You know, having that chance to open up.
25:42And I think the way that you dealt with the way that I said things reassured me.
25:48You know, you were very, again, sensitive as you always are, you know.
25:52It was a special thing, the burning of the letter.
25:56Yeah.
25:56Because that was like...
25:57It's powerful that, isn't it?
25:58It was a powerful moment where the feelings disappeared.
26:00Yeah.
26:01The fact that we were both able to kind of take that criticism from one another.
26:05Yeah.
26:06And to move forward from that as well.
26:08I think that's really beautiful.
26:09Through all of this, what have you both learned?
26:12I think patience.
26:13Because, I mean, life's always going to get in the way.
26:15But I think we need to learn how to cope with that a bit better.
26:18It's almost like a gentle step forward for us to do that more.
26:23Ultimately now, what you've been through losing a brother is something few people can imagine.
26:28But maybe kind of through this process, you know, you've also inherited a new brother.
26:34You know, a great friend is like that.
26:35Yeah.
26:35And it's wonderful to see with you both.
26:37Absolutely.
26:38I think in the beginning, that's what made it so tough.
26:40Because it was almost like, I mean, not to sound cheesy, but like I've almost lost another brotherly figure in
26:46my life.
26:47And to not have that mentor figure kind of tore me apart for a while, you know?
26:55Yeah.
26:55Yeah.
26:58Well, you got it again.
26:59I got it again.
27:00Oh, that's beautiful.
27:01We were going to go forward and be in a better place.
27:04His brother was a great person.
27:06And he want us to make things right.
27:09And that's the most important thing to me.
27:13I know you guys will be friends for life.
27:15And it'll be incredible.
27:17Proud of you both.
27:18Come on.
27:19Thanks, Beth.
27:20I love it.
27:21I came into this an optimistic person because I feel like everything that I've been through, I can't really go
27:28through worse.
27:29But I feel even stronger, I suppose, having reconnected with Rhys.
27:34I feel optimistic about the future.
27:36I feel as if we both understand each other a bit better now.
27:41And it feels as if we can move forward with that.
27:50This friendship has had to weather one of the toughest storms that life can throw at us.
27:56The death of someone that we love.
27:59But Rhys and Niall have managed to be really honest and really vulnerable with each other.
28:05And that has been key.
28:07So my hope now is that the trust that they have built ensures that they can lean on each other
28:13through not just the bad times, but also the good times.
28:17The sort of friendships that last a lifetime.
28:19The end of the day.
28:20The end of the day.
28:25The end of the day.
28:32The end of the day.
28:37The end of the day.
28:38The end of the day.
28:39The end of the day.
28:39The end of the day.
28:40The end of the day.
28:41The end of the day.
28:41The end of the day.
28:44The end of the day.
28:53Transcription by CastingWords
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