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00:00So we remind ourselves to be in the here and now, not in the past.
00:07We're going to end by taking a few relaxing breaths.
00:15In and out.
00:21In and out.
00:26In and out.
00:30And relax.
00:33Well done.
00:38Oh, good. You're awake. That television's still not working.
00:47Wait for that engineer again. Numbers on the dining room table.
00:52I think you must be the only man still alive to use one of these.
00:55Eh?
00:56I'm not calling the engineers again. They've been out twice already, Dad.
01:00Remember, they told us. We're just in a black zone for satellites.
01:03What? Are you telling me that Forrest is more of a black zone than space?
01:06Well, in Forrest, no one can hear me scream.
01:08Eh?
01:08Or say anything.
01:10What if I plugged the television into the computer?
01:13Oh, what if I connected the toaster to the boiler?
01:16Or the kettle to the washing machine?
01:17You're making a point here.
01:18Yes, I am.
01:19That it wouldn't work.
01:20That's one.
01:21So there's absolutely nothing I can do to get the television working?
01:23Looking to getting cable again.
01:25I do not want the cable.
01:27And I will tell you, Virg, why?
01:29Barbara cooks in at number four.
01:31She got the cable.
01:32Well, it went off on me.
01:50She fell down a manhole.
01:51Okay, we won't get cable then.
01:53Listen, we'd better get a move on.
01:54And we've got to get the train to Abbey Moor.
01:56That race starts at two.
01:57How many times, Dad?
01:58I'm not coming.
01:59Why not?
02:00Well, A, I don't really want to watch Emily cheer on her boyfriend doing a run.
02:04And B, you, me and trains, it just always ends in disaster.
02:07Like when?
02:08Like when I was filming in Paris and I paid for you and Mum to come over on the Eurostar
02:11for your 70th.
02:12Your mother and I were in Brussels for my 70th.
02:15Yeah, exactly, because you got the wrong Eurostar.
02:17And do you remember when you got there and I asked you to stay put because I'd come there to
02:20Brussels to meet you?
02:21Eh, where were you when I got there?
02:23I think it could have been Paris.
02:24Because you got the Eurostar back to Paris.
02:27Yeah, I'm glad I did my meditation.
02:29I'm really feeling the benefit of that.
02:30Listen, Emily is going to be there and you said you wanted to let her know how you feel.
02:35Oh, Dad, that was a glaive eye talking.
02:37I've missed the boat with Emily.
02:39I just have to accept that and move on with my life.
02:41Well, I can't go without you.
02:44Why?
02:45You know full well why.
02:46Oh, come on, we've been through this a thousand times.
02:49Right, the train ticket is on your phone.
02:52All you have to do is put the phone train ticket side down and scan it on the QR code.
02:56What is a QR code?
02:58No, I'm not going through that again.
03:00Listen, when I worked on the trains, a train ticket was something you held in your hand.
03:06A bit like that.
03:06That is not a train ticket.
03:09Why does everything have to happen through a fluent phone nowadays?
03:13I mean, what was wrong with the old ways?
03:15You wouldn't even let me carry money in my pocket anymore.
03:18Dad, you were carrying £34.60 in loose change.
03:21Your trousers almost fell down in Asda.
03:23That is because I forgot to put a belt on.
03:25Come on, it's just the way things are now.
03:27Everything's digital.
03:28Yes, well, I'm not.
03:32Agreed.
03:39Arms.
03:40I mean, um, hi, Emily, and Tim, and Beth, and everyone, not just Emily.
03:47OK.
03:48I called your dad about him sorting me out with some glue.
03:54Um.
03:57Richard, have you seen my prick stick?
03:59Eh, pritt stick.
04:01And no, I haven't.
04:02Jean used to use it for the Christmas cards, you know, to stick them down.
04:06She read somewhere that licking the envelopes gives you the squirts.
04:10Oh, lovely.
04:14I like your t-shirt.
04:15Oh.
04:16Succus.
04:17Yeah, it's Latin for juice.
04:20Yeah.
04:21It's a small energy drinks company I started a few years back.
04:24They're publicly endorsing me for this run.
04:26Is it definitely pronounced like that?
04:28Succus.
04:29Yeah, pretty sure.
04:31So you're endorsing yourself with your own company called Succus?
04:36Yeah.
04:37Great.
04:38Just thought I'd check.
04:41Hey, how'd you get on?
04:43Er, yes, good.
04:44I don't need to pee now.
04:46So, mission accomplished in that sense.
04:48Yeah, it's a bloody thing.
04:50Sorry again, we can't fit you in the car, Ken.
04:52It's just that there's not a lot of room, what with the Tim's energy drinks.
04:57Succus.
04:58Yep.
05:00Hey, that's all right.
05:01I'm more than happy to get the train.
05:03It's absolutely no bother.
05:05Oh, some bother.
05:06Are you having problems with your television?
05:08Oh, don't remind me.
05:09I'm actually thinking about getting one of those dodgy sticks.
05:12Dad, how many times?
05:14They're illegal.
05:15No, they're not.
05:15What do you think dodgy means?
05:17They are a bit illegal, Mr. Pritch.
05:19Gwen Joyce has one.
05:20Oh, that'll be the same Gwen Joyce who had a weed farm growing in her attic.
05:23She was as surprised as anybody else to find that up there.
05:26Yeah, if only she'd seen the security footage of her buying 800 LED lamps.
05:33Yeah, or wondering why she always had the munchies.
05:37Yeah, up high.
05:40Yeah, sorry.
05:42Exactly.
05:44Here it is.
05:45Oh, that's great.
05:47It's for my Go Tim sign.
05:49I always make one hold it up for him running past, don't I?
05:52You sure do.
05:53Only now I have to stick pictures of him onto it, since the incident.
05:58The incident?
05:59Well, there was this race a few years back where another Tim was running.
06:04He ran past the sign and apparently I looked quite a bit like his mum.
06:09What it was, Richard.
06:10He hadn't seen her in 20 years.
06:12They'd had a big falling out and he thought she'd come back to bury the hatchet.
06:17He was quite down when he realised,
06:19but it did make him decide to reach out to her.
06:24Aw.
06:25Aw, that's nice.
06:26Yes.
06:28Turns out she died five years previous and he had no idea.
06:32So now, I'll stick pictures on.
06:48What are you doing?
06:50You're going to miss your train.
06:52No, no, I'm not going.
06:53What?
06:54I told you, I don't know how you'd do the tickets.
06:57Once again, technology has destroyed my time on the trains.
07:01You mean when you took early retirement instead of learning how to use the card machine?
07:05I'll be fine here.
07:06Ugh, just get a physical ticket at the station.
07:09I don't want to anymore.
07:10But, Dad, all you've been talking about all week is how you were looking forward to spending time with Beth.
07:14That's the reason you're going.
07:16Was going.
07:18I know what you're doing here.
07:19I don't know what you're talking about.
07:21You know fine well what I'm talking about.
07:24You're thinking I'll just sit here looking sad until he gives in and comes with me.
07:28Well, that is just not going to happen.
07:41That's it locked.
07:42You think?
07:46Why have you got a bag?
07:47It's only a 45-minute journey.
07:49Well, that's exactly enough time to watch an episode or something.
07:52Is your generation incapable of sitting with their own thoughts for any length of time?
07:57I mean, honestly, why have you always got to be attached to a device?
08:00Well, I'm not attached to a device just now, am I?
08:03Oh, one minute.
08:06Sally, hi.
08:08Oh, Richard, hello.
08:09Bad news on the panto, I'm afraid.
08:11It's a no.
08:12Really?
08:13I thought it went well.
08:14Yes, they thought you were just a little bit too upbeat.
08:17Too upbeat for panto?
08:19Yes, they were looking for a little more nuance in your portrayal.
08:22The character was called Hoinky Doinky.
08:25Yes, they said there was a little too much hoik and not enough doink for them.
08:29Also, they didn't like you breaking the fourth wall.
08:32It's a panto!
08:33It's all to do with the director's vision or something.
08:36I wasn't really paying attention, to be honest.
08:38Anyway, it's not the end of the world.
08:40No.
08:41Oh, yes, it is!
08:44Too soon, sorry.
08:46Bye, Sally.
08:47Okay, it's still waiting to hear back on the Crimewatch reconstruction.
08:53Train now approaching platform two.
08:56It's the Scottsdale service to Edward O'Waterley.
09:00Right, so are you going to do this ticket thing for me or not?
09:04No, I'm not.
09:05Because you have to learn how to do this stuff yourself, Dad.
09:09Come on, don't look so worried.
09:12Here's a nice girl there.
09:14Can I not show her my ticket?
09:15No.
09:15Why not?
09:16Because this is quicker.
09:18Huh.
09:19They just seem quicker to me.
09:20Dad, you can't stand in the way of progress all your life.
09:22Excuse me, darling.
09:23Oh, apparently you can.
09:24Would you mind just opening a barrier for me and I'll just show you my ticket?
09:28It's just I'm useless with this thing.
09:30I'd much rather leave the house without it.
09:33You do leave the house without it.
09:34Yeah, no problem.
09:35Uh, no, we're fine, thanks.
09:37What?
09:37We don't need your help.
09:39So you don't want me to open the barriers for him?
09:41That's right.
09:41I really don't mind letting him through.
09:43A lot of older people...
09:44We're fine.
09:45Thanks.
09:47You need to be rude.
09:48That was a mean rude.
09:49I thought you were rude.
09:51Did you think he was rude?
09:52I thought it was a little bit rude, yeah.
09:54Why are you still here?
09:55Oh, how...
09:56Okay, that was rude.
09:57Sorry.
09:58No, no.
10:00Come on, Dad.
10:01We can do this.
10:02Just the way I showed you, right?
10:03Unlock your phone.
10:052157.
10:06It's probably best not to do that out loud, but, uh, one bath at a time.
10:10Find your ticket.
10:12Yeah, okay.
10:14Here.
10:15No, that's your home screen.
10:16Is it?
10:17Look at that.
10:18And that's the calculator.
10:20There's a calculator in there.
10:22Oh, just give me the phone, would you?
10:23Right.
10:24Okay.
10:25Scanner's there.
10:26QR code.
10:27On the scanner.
10:29Barrier's open.
10:30You walk through.
10:30Okay?
10:35I just...
10:37Just...
10:39Just...
10:41Want me to just let you through?
10:43Yes, please.
10:46No!
10:48Want me to keep them open for you?
10:50No!
10:51No, I don't.
10:52Because some people are able to do things in the correct and proper way.
10:57So you want me to close on?
10:58Yes, please.
11:09That's all you needed to do?
11:11Do you see how simple that was?
11:15Can I just scan it again?
11:16No, I won't let you scan it twice.
11:19Oh.
11:21Do you want me to open the barriers for you?
11:26Yes, please.
11:30There you are.
11:32Very good.
11:32Very good.
11:33That's how you do it.
11:34Just give me that phone, won't you?
11:37I'm downloading your return ticket now, and you're scanning that QR code on the way back
11:42if it kills me.
11:43Yes, yes.
11:43Whatever you say.
11:44Where exactly are we going here?
11:46Code C.
11:49What's it now?
11:49Well, I'm actually bursting for the toilet.
11:53Aye, there's a toilet on the train.
11:54The train toilet must not be used whilst the train is stationary.
11:58That's the first thing you learn when you become a conductor.
12:01Well, you'll just need to hold on to it, then.
12:02Oh, you'd love that, wouldn't you?
12:03Which bit of that would I love?
12:05And could you not have mentioned this before we got through the barrier?
12:08Well, I didn't need to go before I come through the barrier.
12:11Right, can you be done and back in six minutes?
12:14Yes.
12:15Oh, maybe your new pal could let you out.
12:18Right, we're in Code C, seat 41.
12:21Code C, seat 41.
12:23Yes, yes.
12:29Ticket barriers are in operation at this station.
12:39Excuse me, sorry, I've actually got that seat boot.
13:31Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.
13:42Oh, yeah.
13:44You're watching something already?
13:46Good heavens.
13:47The train's not even moving.
13:49There you go.
13:51Ham and cheese.
13:53Bottle of water.
13:55Don't worry, it's sparkling.
13:57Lovely packet of cheese and onion first.
14:01And a twirl.
14:04We're sharing that, mine.
14:05One finger each.
14:08Welcome aboard this Scottsdale service to Wick.
14:11Wick?
14:13Are we in the right training?
14:15Bridge, Dingwall, Alness, Invergordon and...
14:18Who the hell are you?
14:20Who the hell are you?
14:33Customers are reminded that one-speed ticket
14:35are not valid on this service.
14:37What the hell?
14:38What is he?
14:42Is he pointing me up?
14:44Dad!
14:46We're in your dad's leadership.
14:49We're in your dad's leadership.
14:54Dad!
14:56My laptop.
14:58My laptop!
15:07Ah, eh, excuse me.
15:09That's, uh, I'm sitting in there.
15:11Thank you very much.
15:13Have a bit.
15:13Have a bit.
15:14Oh, that was close.
15:19Disaster alerted.
15:37No, thank you.
15:49Oh, my God.
16:02Hello there, excuse me, I was just wondering, there's a lot of runners going about the place,
16:09you know, giving it that. I don't suppose you've seen any men in Lycra about the place,
16:14running about, you know, tight.
16:51Nice, isn't it? Yeah, it's different. Good luck! There he is now! Go team! Team! Come on, my son!
17:15Oh, Richard! Oh, you made it, then. Where's Ken? He's not here. I know. I meant he's not
17:21shown up here. What, have you lost him? I didn't lose him, he lost himself. You mean
17:25he's missing? It's okay, Mum. We'll have a circus, and then
17:29we'll talk this through. Er, yeah, yeah, we got split up on the train, I ended up in
17:33Buley. I've got his phone. Look, it's a long story. Right, well, surely he'd just make his
17:36way back to Forest. Er, he wouldn't be able to buy a ticket. Why? Some guy made him stop
17:42carrying cash. Richard! It's okay. I know the event organisers. They'll keep an eye out for
17:47him. They've got people stationed all around the circuit. Hey, hi, yeah, it's me. I just,
17:53no, 39 minutes, 26 seconds. Yeah, no, I think it is a new personal best. Sorry, yeah, listen,
18:00I need you to just do something for me. Er, Beth, why don't, er, you and Tim take the
18:06town? You know, streets, tea shops, that sort of thing. Kikes, scones, what have you.
18:11Uh-huh, yeah. Me and Richard will take the woods. Look, chances are he's probably got lost
18:15trying to find the finish line. Yeah, no, I'm sure you're right. Yeah, well,
18:18pasta for breakfast is controversial these days, but to be honest with you, I think he gave me
18:22the edge. Tim? Your grey hair, yeah, glasses. Yeah, just, erm, shoes. He's wearing shoes.
18:41Jean? No, no, no, it couldn't be. Sorry to bother you. It's just I thought... But it
18:54could be. Mr. Pritch! Mr. Pritch! Mr. Pritch! Mr. Pritch! Ah! Ow! My ankle! Oh, God. Right, hold on.
19:19Don't touch it. Ah! What did I just say? Sorry. Oh. Let's get this off. Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh!
19:30All the others were in the wash. Well, that is just lovely. Okay. Does it hurt if I do this?
19:39Ah!
19:40What about this? Ah! Oh, that's interesting. Is it broken? No, but I realised I can do this. Ah! Ah!
19:48Ah! Ah!
19:49Staying alive! Staying alive! You're supposed to be a nurse! Trust me, that is vanilla compared
19:57to what we usually get up to. It's fine. You've just twisted it. But what do I do now?
20:02Have you made a will? Oh, hilarious. Nothing. Just give it a few minutes.
20:16Be funny if we ended up having to eat each other. I always forget that sometimes silence
20:28is fine. Yeah.
20:32Yeah.
20:45Ah! That bumblebee man!
20:50Come on!
20:52Come on!
20:53Come on!
20:57Come on!
20:59Come on!
21:00Come on!
21:00Come on!
21:00Ah!
21:01No, I need to stop.
21:03Ah!
21:03Again!
21:04I feel it hurts, Emily!
21:07Right, if zombies ever attack, remind me never to make a run for it with you.
21:12Ah!
21:13Look up!
21:13Watch out!
21:18Ah!
21:21I'm sure Tim's got an ankle support with him.
21:23I don't need Tim's ankle support.
21:27Tim's ankle support.
21:29It's quite a good name for a band, actually.
21:32Hi!
21:33We're Tim's ankle support, and this is a song about the first time that you properly
21:37fall in love.
21:38Are you in love with him?
21:39What?
21:40Sorry, what did you say?
21:41Nothing, nothing.
21:42No.
21:42Me too.
21:46Do you not like Tim?
21:49What, me?
21:50Not like Tim?
21:52I mean, I...
21:53I don't know.
21:54What does it even mean to like someone in the current climate?
21:58Okay, you don't like him.
21:59I'm not a fan, but I...
22:01I don't know.
22:02It just doesn't seem like your type.
22:05What is my type?
22:07Guys from forests mainly.
22:10Yeah.
22:11Imagine wanting a change from that.
22:15I know he seems a bit much sometimes, but...
22:20But he's sweet.
22:22He's comfortable in himself.
22:24You know, he's a go-getter.
22:26Things seem possible around him, you know?
22:29He's actually thinking of moving to New Zealand for a year.
22:33Is he? Really?
22:34Oh...
22:35Yeah, I've heard it's beautiful.
22:38He's asked me to go with him.
22:40But the weather's meant to be terrible, and I've heard it's prohibitively expensive.
22:45This wellness retreat reached out to him on Instagram.
22:47They want him to do a mind, body and soul workshop.
22:50Whatever that is.
22:52And I could get a nursing job easily enough.
22:55Well, you've looked into it.
22:57But a little bit. I mean...
22:59It's New Zealand.
23:00Sure.
23:01And you've probably completed for us anyway, Ben.
23:05I haven't made my mind up yet.
23:08Cool.
23:14Sorry for bringing up zombies earlier.
23:16You know how scared you are of them.
23:18What?
23:19Any horror film, really.
23:22Every time we'd rent one, you'd watch it with your eyes closed.
23:24Yeah, but that's because it's the score that makes it scary.
23:27So it's actually braver just to listen.
23:29And you'd always fall for the jump scares.
23:32Well, they shouldn't just come out of nowhere like that.
23:34Oh, so you are scared of them?
23:35No.
23:36No?
23:36No!
23:37Alright.
23:38Sorry for bringing it up.
23:44Maybe we should look down by those...
23:46Jesus!
23:48So immature.
23:55Oh, bollocks.
23:59So there you are.
24:01That is Uncle.
24:04Where the hell have you been?
24:05Where the hell have I been?
24:08Coach C, Sheep 41.
24:09Where the hell were you?
24:11I'm sorry, who's this?
24:13Oh, hey.
24:14I ended up joining a search party for this fella.
24:17And I found him.
24:19Matches his description perfectly.
24:21You joined your own search party?
24:22Of course you did.
24:23Ken!
24:24Ken!
24:25Oh!
24:27Oh, you silly man.
24:31You had me so worried.
24:33Don't do that again.
24:35Hey.
24:36You should replenish your fluids.
24:37Take a sip of my circus.
24:39Hey.
24:40Have you guys been here long?
24:42No, we just got here.
24:42So you didn't see anything?
24:44What?
24:45Nothing.
24:46Can you take me back to my family now?
24:49Yes, I'll take you back to your family now.
24:52You've been banging on about that for some time now.
25:07What a day.
25:09Where did your laptop end up?
25:11Glasgow.
25:13Oh.
25:14I had my whole life on that laptop.
25:17Oh, look at that.
25:19I was going to watch the untouchables tonight.
25:23He puts one of yours in the morgue.
25:25You put one of his in the hospital.
25:27It's the other way about it.
25:29What?
25:29He puts one of yours in the hospital.
25:31You put one of his in the morgue.
25:33That's the Chicago way.
25:35Who are you doing?
25:36Honestly, I give up.
25:38Right, Dad, I'm knackered.
25:40Going to bed.
25:41Night-night.
25:42Okay.
25:44Goodnight, son.
25:46Yeah.
25:55You can stream it.
25:57I will.
25:58Watch it online.
25:59Don't need the satellite for that.
26:03There you go.
26:04Marvellous.
26:05We'll start in a minute.
26:06Ho-ho!
26:09Oh, thanks, Sean.
26:15Ho-ho-ho!
26:19Oh, parfa-
26:45We'll see you next time.
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