- 2 days ago
Winston is banned from Manchester City Matches over an altercation.As he is a huge fan he goes into a deep depression.Prompting the Lads to try and get him back to his old self.Graham Haberfield has some good moments of drama here,showing again what a good Actor he was.Paula Wilcox plays his Girlfriend.Better than average one this.
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FunTranscript
00:08Hey, Mum!
00:10What?
00:11The dustbin men!
00:33We are the champions!
00:36And so, goodnight to you from international football at Wembley.
00:39Colin!
00:40Good night.
00:41Good luck, Colin, lad!
00:44England!
00:45We are the champions!
00:46Mr. The Whistle's gone, Winston!
00:48When the lads go mountaineering...
00:49When the game's over, Winston...
00:51When you're Colin, though, shaking hands with you, Sabio!
00:53Bloody cluster, it always tells...
00:56Naomi!
00:57Look, it's over!
00:58Half the team's back in the dressing room!
01:00Colin's not!
01:01Oh, sorry!
01:04Right, he's running off now, isn't he?
01:07Like a bloody dream, that's all.
01:11OK.
01:23You don't you sweat a lot when you're excited.
01:25You probably thought Bobby Moore was playing a bit squirt at first,
01:27but he was only trying to have a lot of his full-backs.
01:29That's something Ramsey's picked up from watching City.
01:32Winston, your mum and dad have gone to bed.
01:33We've still got off for now before my last bus goes.
01:35The old through ball from Peter's wouldn't have broken your heart, neither, would it?
01:38He was starving, Colin, by the whole jealousy.
01:40Sorry about this skirt.
01:41It always writes up when I sit down.
01:43I'm thinking about the beast in you.
01:44A couple of weeks in City's reserves to do Peter's, no harm.
01:47Oh, thank you.
01:47Of course, the burning question now is,
01:49will Colin be fit for City's match tomorrow night?
01:52Winston, the burning question is, where do I stand?
01:54It's important match, that's City v Newcastle at home.
01:57Up the line!
01:58Here we are!
02:01Winston, we've been going steady now for nearly three months.
02:04I want to know where I stand.
02:06Yeah.
02:07Well?
02:08What?
02:08Pardon?
02:09Oh, what?
02:10Can you say something?
02:11Good night, Winston.
02:12See you, kid.
02:14Well, is that all you've got to say?
02:17Well, no, no, of course not.
02:20Well, thanks for seeing me home.
02:22In time for the match, light.
02:23Well, the highlights.
02:24Good night!
02:26Naomi!
02:30Don't worry, love.
02:32Joe Mercer will get Colin.
02:36Good morning.
02:37Tonight's the night.
02:38Pardon?
02:39City v Newcastle, two pints, no danger.
02:41Was that piece of Swahili in any way apposite to the emptying of refuse receptacles and its ramifications?
02:47Up the blues!
02:50Colin Bell's fit, according to the Daily Mirror.
02:53Oh, good.
02:55You've got a lovely smile.
02:56You remind me of a referee I saw last season, West Bromby City, away.
03:00He had a lovely smile.
03:01I caught him right in the chops with the pork pie.
03:04It's a criminal now for Francis Lee finding Colin Bell in the centre circle.
03:09Bell, weave through the defence, beating Colin Bell into the penalty area.
03:15Fix his spot of bullies at Daisy Queen.
03:17Left foot drive, but the others...
03:20It's a goal!
03:21A goal!
03:23A marvellous goal by Colin Bell, making the score here tonight.
03:26City 15, Newcastle, nil!
03:29We are the sharpest man!
03:32We are the sharpest man!
03:38What do you get for murder?
03:40Is it hanging or life imprisonment?
03:42In his case, the Nobel Peace Prize and the undying bloody gratitude of the human bloody race.
03:50I'm sorry to come burdening you with my troubles.
03:53You've probably got enough of your own.
03:54Everybody's got troubles, love.
03:56It just happens that we've got more than a national average, love.
03:58We've got bloody Winston.
04:01It's just that he never thinks of nothing else.
04:03We know.
04:04City, city, city.
04:06We know.
04:07What does he talk about in the summer?
04:09Nothing.
04:10What does he do?
04:11Rubs his rattle with linseed oil.
04:14It's affecting me central nervous system.
04:17When I took him to meet me mum and dad, I forgot his name.
04:19I introduced him as Colin Bell.
04:23One night he had a couple of rum and peps and got all romantic.
04:26He said I was beautiful.
04:28Too beautiful for him and would I like him to offer me to Mike Somerby.
04:32I like no greater love.
04:34He's another city player.
04:35We know.
04:37We bloody know.
04:38It's like going steady with a football programme.
04:41What's he like at work?
04:54Winston, why aren't you at the game?
04:56It's only eight o'clock.
04:57Has it been abandoned?
04:58Were Newcastle too scared to come out then?
05:00Have they kicked each other to death?
05:02Oh, couldn't you get in, love?
05:03I got in.
05:05Then I got chucked out again.
05:06By the police.
05:08For hooliganism.
05:11For accidentally chucking a Cornish past it, their goalie.
05:14I'm going to be banned.
05:16Banned from what?
05:18Watching City.
05:19Me.
05:20Banned.
05:21Never to darken the turnstiles again.
05:24It's like telling the Pope he's been excommunicated.
05:27You'll never watch City again?
05:30Oh, Winston.
05:32Ow, Robin.
05:34It's terrible.
05:35Shame, that.
05:36I thought he said, you know.
05:38Oh, yes.
05:40It's a lousy liberty, that.
05:42Hey, same again, Joker.
05:43Pints all round.
05:44Cheer up.
05:46Don't let it get you down, would you?
05:48You have to be brave.
05:50Oh, you don't care, do you, love?
05:52Not deep down.
05:54Do I heck?
05:56Happy days are here again.
05:59Happy days are here again.
06:10Happy days are here again.
06:11You're emptying an empty bloody bin.
06:22Happy days are here again.
06:25Happy days are here again.
06:26They're not, you know.
06:27Not what?
06:28Bloody here again.
06:28They were never bloody here in the first place.
06:30He hasn't mentioned City all morning.
06:32He's mentioned nothing.
06:33He sighed quite a bit, and his eyes went quite moist as we passed that sports shop.
06:37And his nose keeps running.
06:43Winston!
06:49It doesn't matter.
06:55Poor boy.
06:58Poor Winston.
07:00Poor slob.
07:04I think I ate him.
07:05Hello.
07:06Uh, Manchester City Football Club.
07:09May I speak to Mr. Joseph Mercer, please?
07:12Is this absolutely necessary, Petty?
07:15Absolutely, sir.
07:16He's undermining the morale of every man in the depot.
07:18Our entire productivity's in jeopardy.
07:20Look, because one bin man's behaving like a schoolgirl who's lost a false eyelashes,
07:24the whole depot's going to shudder to a stop.
07:27The whole town, sir.
07:28In three days' time, it will be under one big rubbish dump.
07:31With a Lord Mayor stranded on the roof of the town,
07:33all catching food passers from helicopters.
07:37Oh.
07:40Mr. Mercer's not available.
07:41Uh, say it's Sir Matt Busby.
07:43It's Sir Matt Busby?
07:46Who's he?
07:48You're through.
07:50Mr. Mercer?
07:51I'm very well, thank you.
07:53And the lady wife, Jean.
07:55Mr. Mercer, I have a confession to make, Mr. Mercer.
07:59No, I know I don't sound like Sir Matt Busby.
08:01That's because I'm not Mr. Mercer.
08:02That's the confession I wanted to make, Mr. Mercer.
08:05No, the reason I phoned was,
08:07I've got a mucker called Winston, who's a city supporter.
08:10Well, he's more of a hooligan, really.
08:18He said I should apply for cup-tie tickets in the usual way and rang off.
08:25Winston!
08:26Don't shout at him.
08:27It reminds me of the crowd at the match.
08:31Winston.
08:32Winston.
08:36I've heard all about your tragic news.
08:39Yes, sir.
08:39But life must go on.
08:42Yes, sir.
08:43And work.
08:44Yes, sir.
08:45Yours, mine, number three gangs, everybody's.
08:48Yes, sir.
08:50I could, on the other hand, give you the sack.
08:53Yes, sir.
08:56But I understand that in happier circumstances,
08:59you're the hardest worker in the depot.
09:01Second hardest, sir.
09:02Pardon?
09:03Oh, yes, I'm sorry.
09:07Cigarette.
09:08Duh.
09:16Well, don't you want it, then?
09:18Yes, sir.
09:19It's all.
09:25Winston, you must turn your mind to other things.
09:27Yes, sir.
09:28Other interests.
09:29Yes, sir.
09:30Well, will you?
09:31Yes, sir.
09:32And forget all about city and football.
09:34And Colin Bell.
09:35Yes, sir.
09:35Good.
09:37Now you're on the road to recovery.
09:39Sir?
09:40Yes, Winston.
09:42You remember you once sang,
09:44Abide With Me, Toomey.
09:45Will you sing it again, please?
09:47No.
09:49It'll make me very happy.
09:59Abide with me.
10:03Fast falls the even time.
10:09The darkness deepens.
10:10The darkness deepens.
10:15Lord with me.
10:16Lord with me abide.
10:20When will I help us?
10:33Here you are, Angel.
10:34Drink this.
10:35Hot milk, butter and sugar.
10:36You'll feel the benefit.
10:39Shall I put the telly on for you?
10:41Yes, please.
10:43Or shall I not bother?
10:45No, thanks.
10:49It's warmer tonight, isn't it?
10:51Yes.
10:52I might just undo the buttons of my blouse a minute.
10:54Yes.
10:56With it being warmer?
10:59Better not, though, in case it tempts you beyond the bounds of reason.
11:02No, all right.
11:06Look, you don't have to agree with everything I say, you know.
11:08No, love.
11:09But you are doing.
11:10Yes, sir.
11:11Yes, love.
11:11In a world of your own.
11:13If I said the moon was made of green meringue pie, you'd say yes.
11:16If I said my mother was one of the Bee Gees, you'd say yes.
11:19If I said anything, you'd say yes.
11:26Winston, will you marry me?
11:27Yes.
11:28Did you hear what I said?
11:30Yes.
11:31So did I, Tiger, so did I.
11:33Wait while I tell me, Mum.
11:34We are the champions.
11:36We are the champions.
11:43Thank you very much.
11:46Thank you very much.
11:47Thank you very much.
11:47Thank you very much.
11:48Thank you very much.
11:48Thank you very much.
11:49Thank you very much.
11:49Thank you very much.
11:53Thank you very much.
11:55Thank you very much.
11:56Thank you very much.
11:56Thank you very much.
11:57Thank you very much.
11:58Thank you very much.
11:59Thank you very much.
12:00Thank you very much.
12:01Thank you very much.
12:02Thank you very much.
12:04Thank you very much.
13:05The dustbin men, P619, stock 3, part 2, take 1.
13:27Oh, he's even worse today, then.
13:35He keeps calling me mother.
13:37When I was torpedoed on a Russian convoy in 1941,
13:41I was marooned on this raft with six hairy stalkers.
13:44One of them kept calling me mother.
13:46Two days later, he hit me on the head with an anchor.
13:50Right.
13:50What?
13:50Oh, police constable Basil Nesbitt.
13:55Do you want some vino barbiton?
14:09Oh, hello.
14:10Police headquarters.
14:12May I speak to P.C. Nesbitt, please?
14:14He's probably tinkering with the radar in his patrol car.
14:18He steals components from it for his automatic lawnmower.
14:21Very nice.
14:22He should be chief constable by Christmas.
14:24He's my next-door neighbour.
14:26Big chap.
14:27About 15 stone.
14:29Wife knocks ill out of him.
14:30Oh, hello, Basil.
14:32Mr Sinclair here.
14:34Yeah.
14:34Oh, Basil.
14:35It appears that a member of my staff has committed a minor misdemeanour.
14:39Winston Platt.
14:41No, Basil.
14:43He hasn't done anything on a double yellow line.
14:45It was at a football match the other evening when he inadvertently...
14:50What?
14:52Oh.
14:53What?
14:54It's already down on the charge sheet.
14:56Too late to get him off.
14:59Basil, when's his case due to be heard?
15:03Oh, thank you.
15:08Nothing we can do.
15:10The full weight of British justice cannot be averted.
15:13The Crown versus Winston Platt.
15:1510.30am, October the 14th.
15:18October the 14th, Jennifer.
15:21Yeah, me, getting married.
15:23Come to Winston, you great banana.
15:26Oh, no, no, you haven't met him yet, have you?
15:29Oh, he's quite nice.
15:31Anyway, I'll send you an invitation.
15:33Look, we'll give you a ring Sandra up and tell her.
15:34Two weeks from now, knobbling his name, he'll be married.
15:38Yeah.
15:39Yeah, it is a bit quick, isn't it?
15:43No, I'm not, you cheeky article.
15:47Anyway, I've got a few thousand more people to invite, so try.
15:52La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
16:01Cheesy man.
16:03Hello?
16:04Telephone.
16:11Can we have our boat back, Mr.
16:15Say, please.
16:17Please.
16:18Come and get it.
16:20Thanks, Mr.
16:29She's an egg.
16:30Eric.
16:31You're breaking his neck.
16:32Eric.
16:33She's an egg.
16:33He's breaking my bloody heart.
16:36Look here, pimple chumps, I've just had a phone call.
16:38Oh, yes.
16:39Inviting me to a wedding.
16:40Very nice.
16:41Inviting us all to a wedding.
16:42Well, congratulations.
16:43Your bloody wedding.
16:45Bloody hell.
16:45Ditto.
16:46Listen, Eric, I don't mind you driving me bald.
16:49I don't mind you driving the lads bald.
16:50I do.
16:51I don't mind you driving Jobe the Immersa bald.
16:54Look, Naomi's got a lovely head of her.
16:56Most of it's a wig.
16:58Look, you can't just marry somebody because you've got nothing to do on Saturday afternoon.
17:04You're getting married on October the 14th.
17:08No.
17:10I don't bloody care.
17:12Winston.
17:13Listen, look, the question you must ask yourself is, will you make Naomi happy?
17:19Or is she simply what the textbooks term an Arnold Bell substitute?
17:25Colin Bell.
17:26I don't know what it sounds like.
17:27Colin Bell substitute.
17:31Winston.
17:32If you're trying to reason with him, may I suggest something?
17:36Anything.
17:37Give him a rabbit punch and then when he's writhing in agony, grind your boot round his tonsils.
17:41He's a football fan.
17:44He's incapable of bloody reason.
17:46Winston.
17:48I want to appeal to your finer feelings.
17:51Human beings have finer feelings.
17:53He's a bloody football fan.
17:56I'm a dustbin fella.
17:58All week I'm up to me eyeballs in muck and slutch.
18:01I will be all me life.
18:03And I still won't earn as much as PJ Proby does in one night.
18:08Fair enough.
18:09I'm a lousy bloody singer.
18:11That's why I don't sing.
18:13I'm a lousy everything.
18:15That's why I don't do nothing.
18:18And somebody sails round the world, you notice it's never me.
18:21It's Frank Pig in Chichester.
18:24There's a lot of stuff like that I never do.
18:27The 400 metres hurdles in the Olympics.
18:30Swannin' off round the moon.
18:32Winning the Monte Carlo Rally.
18:35Spying on the Russians.
18:37Climbing bloody Everest.
18:39I'm never going to be the best in the world at nothing.
18:42Not even emptying dustbins.
18:44But my team are.
18:46The best team in history.
18:48Big in champions, my team.
18:49And when Neil Young puts a long ball through to Lee on the wing
18:53And he crosses it to Colin
18:54And it's lying there in the back of the net.
18:56Well, then I sing.
18:58By hell I sing.
18:59And it might only sound like a load of swearing and yelling to you
19:02But it's the most beautiful song there is.
19:06And then comes another week of muck and slutch.
19:09And I don't care.
19:25Winston, you can't get married on the rebound.
19:29Especially on the rebound from a football team.
19:33Your inspector's trying to help you.
19:36Say something.
19:41Mr. Sinclair.
19:43Yes, Winston.
19:46Get stuffed.
19:52I warned you.
19:53Give him a rabbit punch to them when he's writhing in agony, grinding you.
19:56Well, that's a healthy song.
19:59He's come up to three lads kicking a tin can around.
20:03He's going to join in.
20:05He's kicking it.
20:09He's regained an interest in living.
20:19As far as I'm concerned, he can marry Madame Chiang Kai-shek.
20:24As far as I'm concerned, he can marry you.
20:29I didn't mean it.
20:30They'll never pass off as a blushing bride.
20:32Science isn't that wonderful.
20:34I might pass off as a football fan.
20:37What the hell for?
20:39To get this depot out of the refuse.
20:44It's open.
20:45Try turning the bloody angle.
20:50It's Saturday morning.
20:52We don't work Saturday morning.
20:55Magistrates court does.
20:56Especially this morning.
20:57October the 14th.
20:59I know.
20:59I have to be there at half past ten.
21:01Not now.
21:02Aye.
21:03You owe me ten pounds.
21:05Aye.
21:06Through the good offices of my next-door neighbour, PC Nesbitt,
21:09your case was brought forward to 9.30.
21:11Aye.
21:12You do have an incredible command of the English language.
21:15At 9.35 precisely,
21:18Winston Platt was fined ten pounds
21:20for striking the Newcastle United goalkeeper
21:22with a cold Cornish pasty,
21:24fruttering 73 obscene expertives
21:27in the ear of a lady supporter from Altingham,
21:29who subsequently had to receive attention
21:31at the trainer's bench,
21:32and for propelling three double-textured
21:35rose-pink toilet rolls
21:36at a football association referee
21:38with intent to maim.
21:41Winston Platt was also banned
21:43for one season
21:44from City Football Club.
21:47They let me in just once more.
21:49I could climb up the floodlights,
21:50then jump off and kill myself.
21:53I said,
21:54Winston Platt was banned.
21:56Not you.
21:57I am Winston bloody Platt.
21:59I told them I was.
22:01So,
22:02whenever they see me
22:03approaching their turnstiles,
22:05they won't let me in.
22:06And since I've never been
22:07near their turnstiles,
22:08don't intend to go near
22:09their turnstiles,
22:10and don't even know
22:11where their turnstiles are,
22:12that suits me admirably.
22:15And
22:17I can go on
22:18and watch them
22:19every Saturday,
22:21for better or worse,
22:22without fear,
22:22without stealth,
22:23as long as Arnold Bell
22:25shall live.
22:25Amen.
22:26Colin.
22:26Oh, sorry, Claire.
22:29I'll work, Mr. Sinclair.
22:31I'll work.
22:32I'll work myself bog-hard.
22:33You won't see them
22:34dusting for dust.
22:35Oh, that's the most
22:36beautiful sentence
22:36I ever heard.
22:37Thank you, Mr. Sinclair.
22:46You're a bloody prince
22:47among men.
23:02I'd just like to say
23:03thank you.
23:08Ta-da!
23:11Thanks.
23:19Did I say thank you?
23:21There's just now
23:21the question of the £10.
23:23Oh, yeah.
23:24Don't let me forget that,
23:25will you?
23:25I won't.
23:27Can I have my £10 back, please?
23:29Well, I'll have to pay you
23:30next payday,
23:31only I need what money
23:32I've got for this afternoon.
23:33Oh, yes, of course.
23:35For the wedding.
23:36What wedding?
23:36Your wedding.
23:38Whose wedding?
23:39Oh, no.
23:54Right, are we all here, then?
23:55Oh, you're supposed
23:56to have a bridegroom.
23:57Oh, he'll be inside.
23:58He doesn't like making
23:59an exhibition of himself.
24:06You're all right.
24:07I've got a night on
24:07summer being for England.
24:11Afternoon.
24:13You can't get married
24:14dressed like that.
24:15I think it's grounds
24:16for divorce.
24:17Married?
24:18I'm going to the match.
24:19We're clobbering Everton
24:20this afternoon.
24:2117-0 at least.
24:22Winston, I thought
24:23we were getting wet.
24:25No, not on the afternoon
24:27of the Everton match.
24:28I'm reasonable.
24:30It's only once a year.
24:31You can get wet any time.
24:33You can come to the match
24:34with me.
24:35Behind the goals.
24:37I wanted to get married.
24:40You'll see Colin.
24:43All right, love.
24:46And you can borrow me
24:47rattle every time we score.
24:49It's all right, love.
24:50You rattle it.
24:51I'll just watch.
24:55It's bloody grotesque.
24:57No, it isn't.
24:58It's true, love.
25:05Well, what shall we do now?
25:08Three gorgeous hunks of men
25:10and two helpless,
25:10defenceless girls.
25:13Hey, do you fancy
25:13coming back to our house
25:14and having half an hour
25:15with me Jimi Hendrix experience?
25:21No, it's our love.
25:22Where's he told me?
25:24Fancy a pint?
25:25Me as well.
25:26No point in going home.
25:27The telly's broke.
25:28Cheese and egg.
25:29You're trusting my arm.
25:38Men.
25:39Sex mad.
25:58Came here.
26:06All right.
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