- vor 12 Stunden
h
Kategorie
😹
SpaßTranskript
00:00From Hollywood, it's Jimmy Kimmel Live!
00:04Tonight, Muldi Ha!
00:06From Deli Boys, Asif Ali and Sagar Sheikh.
00:10Plus music from Duran Duran, featuring Nile Rodgers,
00:14with The Klee Tones!
00:17And now, Jimmy Kimmel!
00:37We are very pleased to welcome you, especially those
00:48visiting us from outside the United States.
00:50You are in royal company.
00:52The royals are here in the US.
00:53King Charles and Queen Camilla spent the day in New York today
00:58shooting rats.
01:00Um...
01:01Last night, they were honored, the king and queen,
01:03with a lavish state dinner at the White House.
01:05About 100 guests enjoyed a garden vegetable velouté,
01:09handcrafted spring-herbed ravioli,
01:11a Doversole Meuniere bathed in a nutty brown butter,
01:15spring ramps, snow peas, a potato pave,
01:18and a deep-fried Twinkie for dessert with Jell-O on it.
01:22Wanted to get some American stuff in there.
01:26So King Charles is here to try to mend the fractured relationship
01:31between the United States and everyone, really.
01:33Everyone in the world has a...
01:35We are about as popular as Scabies right now.
01:38Our special relationship with England is on the rocks.
01:42But that wasn't the only special relationship on display
01:45last night.
01:46Our first couple, Donald and Melania,
01:48who lately have seemed closer than ever,
01:49and I like to think I played a part in that.
01:53And I like to...
01:56Watch them here and...
01:59Watch their hands, if you will,
02:01as they enter with the king and queen,
02:03because the hands say so much.
02:07Melania's wearing gloves.
02:09There's the king and the queen.
02:10And here we go.
02:18Yeah.
02:20Maybe...
02:21Anybody else coming?
02:25Hello.
02:29A little tap.
02:35And...
02:37All right.
02:38Okay.
02:39Uh...
02:40Yeah.
02:40There you go.
02:41You know what?
02:42Considering the week I've had with the first couple,
02:44I'm just going to say that is a completely normal way
02:46to interact for two people who are very much in love.
02:56Maybe that's why his hands are all bruised from Melania
02:59swatting them away.
03:01This is a big night for Trump.
03:03He absolutely loves being alongside the royals,
03:06and the idea that they have to kiss his ass
03:09is as bigly as it gets for him.
03:12The king, he laid it on thick.
03:14He came bearing exactly the kind of gift Trump loves to get,
03:18a big gold thing with his name on it.
03:20Speaking of submarine alliances,
03:22there was one particular AUKUS predecessor.
03:25Her name, HMS Trump.
03:31So tonight, Mr. President,
03:33I am delighted to present to you as a personal gift
03:39the original bell,
03:41which hung on the conning tower of your valiant namesake.
03:46May it stand as a testimony
03:51to our nation's shared history and shining future.
03:55Yeah.
03:56Unfortunately, the only bell Trump likes is the taco one.
03:59So...
04:00But that's smart.
04:02You give him an olden bell from the Trump submarine.
04:07What if he starts wearing it?
04:09Jingling his way around the white?
04:10Could be a game changer for Melania at night.
04:13You know?
04:14The king told the president to cherish the bell
04:17and ring it whence do you run low on tomato ketchup.
04:20And then it was time for his majesty to offer his prepared remarks.
04:25He weaved in some commentary about the royal mess he's made in Iran.
04:29We're doing a little Middle East work right now, too, if you might know.
04:32And we're doing very well.
04:34We have militarily defeated that particular opponent.
04:38And we're never going to let that opponent ever...
04:42Charles agrees with me even more than I do.
04:45We're never going to let that opponent have a nuclear weapon.
04:48Wait a minute.
04:49How does someone agree with you more than you agree with yourself?
04:54It's...
04:54Charles agrees with me 400,
04:56some are saying 500, even 600%.
05:00And I thought it was very interesting.
05:02I don't know if you caught it.
05:04And he now keeps saying we've militarily defeated Iran.
05:08It's the war version of conscious uncoupling.
05:11We are now on day 60 of this war.
05:14The White House the other day issued a statement saying
05:16the United States will not negotiate through the press.
05:19And last night I made a joke about that.
05:20I said, right, we exclusively negotiate through truth social posts
05:25from the president's toilet in the middle of the night.
05:26And then sure enough, a few hours later, early this morning,
05:31he posted this.
05:32Iran can't get their act together.
05:34They don't know how to sign a non-nuclear deal.
05:36They better get smart soon.
05:38No more Mr. Nice Guy.
05:40He posted this at 4.05 a.m.
05:43So much for toning down the rhetoric, I guess.
05:46Can we maybe get him one of those bricks
05:48that locks him out of his phone between hours of midnight and 6?
05:52Maybe one of those yonder pouches they have at concerts?
05:57Because, I mean, how are the Iranians supposed to react to that?
06:04Is it supposed to scare them?
06:06Wait, where am I?
06:06Is this supposed to scare them?
06:09Best case scenario, they go, you know what?
06:11The old man's lost his marbles.
06:13He can't sleep.
06:14He's cosplaying as fat John Wick.
06:19I think we need to call his kids to make sure he's OK.
06:22Does he really think that this image will strike fear
06:25into the beards of those hardcore religious zealots running around?
06:29After two months of being bombed, they're going to open their laptops,
06:32they're going to look and they're going to go,
06:33oh, Mushtaba, get in here.
06:35This time he means business.
06:38He looks like Rambo and Dumbo at the same time.
06:42But I do want to commend him.
06:44What happened at the Correspondents' Dinner on Saturday
06:46was very scary, and he waited three whole days
06:49before posting a picture of himself holding an assault rifle,
06:52showing a lot of restraint.
06:54And when he's not posting crazy stuff in the middle of the night,
06:57the president is busy putting his name on things.
06:59A few weeks ago we learned he's planning to put his signature on money,
07:02and now the State Department is reported to be finalizing plans
07:06to put Trump's beautiful face on U.S. passports.
07:10This is the mock-up for what they call a limited-edition passport
07:15to honor America's 250th birthday.
07:17There's a photo of Trump on the inside.
07:20The back is a portrait of the founding fathers complaining about it.
07:24And what an expression.
07:27Go into that if you can.
07:27OK, this is the look he has on his face when his secretary tells him,
07:30I have Eric on line one.
07:35Imagine the warm welcome you will get
07:38when you hand this to a foreign customs agent.
07:41And read the fine print there.
07:43It says, not for use in whole country.
07:47I'm not exactly sure when this offer for this passport will go into effect,
07:51but if you need to renew your passport, do it tomorrow morning.
07:56Because it lasts for 10 years.
07:58The next time you'll need to renew it is 2036, and there's only like a 50% chance
08:02he'll still be president by then.
08:04At the White House today, the president welcomed the astronauts from Artemis II.
08:08This was a chance for the administration to celebrate their historic achievement of reaching the far side of the moon,
08:13and for the president to take credit for them reaching the far side of the moon.
08:17Trump had a lot of positive things to say about this trip to the moon,
08:21which is funny because during his first term as president, he said for all the money we're spending,
08:26NASA should not be talking about going to the moon.
08:29And now he sent them to the moon.
08:31And he was very gracious in receiving both the astronauts and NASA Administrator Jared Isaacman.
08:37Are you considering relocating NASA's headquarters out of D.C. once the lease is up?
08:42States like Texas, Ohio, and Florida?
08:44Well, the best man to tell you that is the man standing right over here.
08:47Have you heard that question with those beautiful ears of yours?
08:51He's got great hearing in him.
08:53Super...
08:53He's got super...
08:54Check your hands there.
08:55All right.
08:58This guy's probably a genius.
09:00And he's making...
09:01Let me tell you what that was because I know exactly how his brain works.
09:04I've studied him like Jane Goodall and the chimpanzees.
09:08Okay?
09:09Trump spent the whole day and night with King Charles yesterday looking at his ears.
09:16And he couldn't say anything because he's the king.
09:19So then this poor guy sashays in and he gets Mickey Mouse right in front of everybody.
09:25And then we have this absolutely pigeon-brained vendetta against former FBI Director Jim Comey,
09:31who they indicted on bogus charges once in September.
09:35Those got thrown out of court.
09:37And so now they're going after him again.
09:39This might be the most egregious move they've made yet.
09:42Jim Comey, first of all, is a lifelong Republican.
09:45He was FBI Director under Obama and Trump.
09:49He oversaw the investigation into Russia collusion palooza, which Donald did not like.
09:54So yesterday the Justice Department came up with a new indictment against Comey,
09:58claiming he posted a death threat against the President on Instagram last year.
10:02Now, if you've not seen it, this was the death threat.
10:06It is a photo of seashells and some rocks on the beach arranged to read 86-47.
10:14And that could land Jim Comey in prison for 10 years.
10:18Now, 86 is a restaurant term for when you cancel an order, and Trump is the 47th President.
10:24But Trump took this conveniently in a very different way.
10:28And the rumor is that part of the reason Pam Bondi got the axe
10:31is because even she didn't think this was worth pursuing.
10:34But Acting Attorney General Todd Blanche is very eager to get the job permanently,
10:38and so now he has to go out there and defend this with a straight face.
10:42Jack Paskovic posted on X, 86-46.
10:46He did not take it down. He did not apologize.
10:49Mr. Comey has done both of those things.
10:50Will the Justice Department pursue that case?
10:53Because they sound very similar.
10:55That's just completely not true.
10:57That's not how a grand jury does its work.
11:00They don't just look at a single image and then say,
11:02okay, yes, we'll indict, or okay, no, we won't indict.
11:05They do an investigation.
11:07So the answer is no.
11:09They do an investigation.
11:11They leave no seashell unturned.
11:14Of course it's serious when you threaten the president of the United States.
11:17And anybody that tries to put forward some narrative
11:19that this is just about seashells or something to the contrary
11:23is missing the point.
11:24The point is Trump's got his hand up my ass like a sock puppet.
11:29Do you think...
11:30I mean...
11:33I wonder.
11:35I probably should have looked this up.
11:36Do you think a U.S. Attorney General has ever said the words,
11:39this isn't just about seashells before?
11:42So today Trump was asked to explain this silliness,
11:45which gave him a chance to play his favorite part, innocent victim.
11:49Do you really think that he was endangering your life or threatening your life with that?
11:52Well, if anybody knows anything about crime,
11:57they know 86.
11:58You know what 86...
11:59It's a mob term for kill him.
12:02You know?
12:02You ever see the movies?
12:0486 him.
12:05The mobster says to one of his wonderful associates,
12:0886 him.
12:09That means kill him.
12:11It's...
12:12I think of it as a mob term.
12:13I don't know.
12:14People think of it as something having to do with disappearing.
12:17But the mob uses that term to say when they want to kill somebody,
12:21they say, 86, the son of a gun.
12:26That's right.
12:26I think we all remember that famous quote from The Godfather
12:29when Don Corleone said, 86, the son of a gun.
12:34And do it with seashells.
12:37Poor James Comey.
12:39This guy.
12:41He has to hire a lawyer.
12:43He has to defend himself.
12:44And if he loses, he might go to prison
12:46because Donald Trump watched Goodfellas on TBS this weekend.
12:50When is enough enough already?
12:52Even Republicans are starting to speak out about these vendettas
12:55coming after talk shows, Instagram posts.
12:58This is not the behavior of a well man.
13:01But the good news is, help is a TrumpRx prescription away.
13:06Nobody said getting older was easy.
13:09You're struggling to stay awake.
13:11Your memory is fading.
13:13Our great first lady who's here someplace.
13:16Let's see.
13:17I think this is our first lady.
13:19Your dear lifelong friends are dead.
13:22And no matter what you do, you just can't get your pole up.
13:27It's time to make yourself great again with Resign.
13:33Go back to doing the things you love.
13:35No more intelligence briefings, questions about the way you started,
13:39or shaking hands with the French.
13:44Resign will lift the weight of the world off your cankles,
13:47so you can grab life by the again.
13:51Ask your conscience if Resign is right for you.
13:54Side effects include spontaneous celebrations,
13:56loss of ballroom, and firm global erections
13:58that will last for years to come.
14:00Get your life back.
14:02And give us ours with Resign.
14:06I'm J.D. Pence, and I approve this message.
14:10We have a big show tonight.
14:12The Deli Booger here.
14:13We have music from Duran Duran with Maya Walters,
14:16and we'll be right back with Goldie Hawn.
14:26Hi there. Welcome back to the show tonight.
14:28They are the funniest convenience store workers on television.
14:31Their show is called Deli Boys.
14:33Asif Ali and Sagar Sheikh are with us.
14:36And then later, they have been in our lives and ears
14:40for more than four decades.
14:41This is their latest song, Free to Love, Duran Duran,
14:44with Niall Rogers.
14:45You can see Duran Duran.
14:48Headlining the Beach Life Festival in Redondo Beach
14:51this weekend here, and also at Hyde Park in London
14:55on July 5th.
14:56Tomorrow night, our guests will be Meryl Streep,
14:59and from The Daily Show, Desi Lydic.
15:01So please join us for that.
15:02Our first guest tonight is an Oscar-winning movie star,
15:05a world-class giggler, and best-selling author, too.
15:09This is her first book for kids.
15:10The After School Kindness Crew.
15:12It comes out May 5th.
15:14Please say hello to Goldie Hawn.
15:35Welcome, welcome.
15:40How are you?
15:41How are you?
15:45Everyone loves you, right?
15:46There's nobody that doesn't like you.
15:47Is there anybody that doesn't like you?
15:49I don't know.
15:50I don't think so.
15:51I've never heard anyone say anything bad about you.
15:54Well, I don't want them to.
15:57Yeah.
15:57So maybe that's why.
15:58I don't want people to, but they're doing it all the time.
16:02How's everything?
16:04Everything is great.
16:05Can I tell us about a personal interaction that we had
16:08that I thought was very interesting?
16:10Yeah, I love that.
16:11So I think I had just hosted the Oscars,
16:14and you and I were talking about when you won the Oscar
16:16in your first movie, which is crazy.
16:19Crazy, crazy.
16:20And I was asking you about cactus flower.
16:24Yeah.
16:251970.
16:26And I was asking you about your experience,
16:28about when you won.
16:30And you said, well, I wasn't there.
16:32I wasn't at the ceremony.
16:34No.
16:34And then I asked you if you said you were in London?
16:39Well, I was making up my second picture with Peter Sellers.
16:41Uh-huh.
16:42And I just forgot they were on television.
16:44You forgot the Oscars were on.
16:46I forgot the Oscars were on.
16:47There's a big time difference, obviously, in London.
16:49I know.
16:49But I was sleeping, and I got a phone call.
16:51And they said, and I didn't know it was like a publicity person,
16:55I guess, but they said, you won.
16:57And I went, I won what?
16:59I mean, I had no idea.
17:00And I won the Academy Award.
17:03Yeah, you won the Academy Award.
17:08And then I asked you who accepted it on your behalf.
17:13Right.
17:13And it was Raquel Welch?
17:15Raquel Welch was the answer.
17:16I didn't know.
17:17But you told me you had never seen it.
17:20You did not know.
17:21You never watched it.
17:22No, I didn't.
17:23And so then I found it and sent it to you.
17:26And you watched it, right?
17:28And cried.
17:29You cried.
17:29OK, good, good.
17:31I'm glad I made an impact.
17:32You did.
17:32You made an impact on me.
17:34Yeah.
17:34But it was really, he was my idol.
17:37And I didn't know why.
17:39Fred Astaire was the presenter, right?
17:41Exactly.
17:42So he was the one, sorry, that said my name.
17:46And he was my total idol.
17:48And when I got the telegram, because then I got telegram back
17:53then, is that he congratulated me.
17:57And I thought, gosh, Fred Astaire congratulated me?
18:01I had no idea that he actually said my name
18:04when he opened the envelope.
18:06It was him.
18:07That's pretty crazy, right?
18:09And you shared that with me.
18:11I'll never forget that.
18:12Yeah.
18:13Well, I, you know, if I...
18:14No idea.
18:14I mean, you know you've done a lot in your life
18:16when you never think to go on YouTube
18:18and Google your own Academy Award.
18:20I did not.
18:23And that's, I think, a good sign.
18:26Your daughter, Kate Hudson, was nominated for an Oscar,
18:29as you know, earlier this year.
18:34And you were her date to the Oscars.
18:36I know.
18:37She asked me to be her date.
18:38Isn't that cool?
18:38That had to be very exciting.
18:40So I was really honored.
18:41Of course I'll be your date.
18:42Yeah.
18:42I mean, it was like a big deal.
18:43That's gotta be much better than being nominated yourself,
18:47right?
18:47Oh, it's completely different.
18:49Yeah.
18:49I mean, there's no...
18:51I can't talk about it without crying.
18:53I mean, if it was me, I wouldn't be crying, you know?
18:55Right.
18:56But with my daughter, of course, it's like...
18:58And she's so brilliantly talented.
19:00Yes.
19:00And very sweet.
19:01And sweet and a good person and, you know,
19:04all of the above.
19:06But it was one of those nights that we kinda knew
19:08she wasn't gonna win.
19:10And we said, Mom, and I said, no matter what,
19:13we're just gonna have a great time tonight.
19:15And that's what we did.
19:16We all went.
19:17The family was there.
19:18Of course, you know, we go everywhere together.
19:20You guys do.
19:21I do.
19:22I think your family's been on this show more
19:24than any other family.
19:25I'm not sure if there are any families that have been on,
19:27besides mine.
19:30Your daughter, Cade, Oliver, Wyatt,
19:33your daughter-in-law has been here, Meredith.
19:36There, I know.
19:36And, of course, your long-term roommate slash lover,
19:40Kurt Russell.
19:40Exactly.
19:41Exactly.
19:43And what I've noticed, because we almost always
19:46talk about your family, is it seems like you guys
19:49are having a lot of fun.
19:51Well, first of all, we miss someone, and that's Boston.
19:53Oh, yeah.
19:54Now, I would say Boston is Kurt's firstborn.
19:56He was one of the great gifts that Kurt brought,
19:58bought me in my life, and a Boston Russell.
20:01And he's a psychotherapist.
20:03He's a psychotherapist, yeah.
20:04And on top of everything, I got also someone who does
20:08and interested in the things that I am.
20:11It's what this part of my life is all about.
20:12Yeah, you are.
20:13I know you are very, and I know that's why you wrote that book.
20:16Exactly, and why we're here, and so forth.
20:18But, you know, it's a great, we laugh.
20:20I remember when the kids were little, and we would go on vacation together,
20:25and they said, can we not invite anybody else but just our family?
20:28Oh, wow.
20:29And it meant so much, you know?
20:31It's like, we just, and, and, and...
20:33My kids go, just our family?
20:38Aren't there going to be any kids there?
20:40But, but, but, but there's another part of it is, is that Kurt is really a kid,
20:44and I don't think I've fully grown up.
20:46So, I think that our children actually, well, we model for them, right?
20:51So, that's what we did.
20:52You, um...
20:56One thing that a lot of the members of your family seem to have in common,
21:00is that you've had sightings of unidentified flying objects.
21:04It's really...
21:05No, no.
21:06Kurt has?
21:08Yeah.
21:08You have?
21:09Yeah.
21:09What was your experience?
21:11I was, um, in West Covina, dancing.
21:16I was a dancer then.
21:18I was about 18-ish, or 19 maybe.
21:21And I literally was dancing in, in, in Anaheim.
21:25I thought that was Hollywood, but I wasn't.
21:27Um, but, and then I was living there in a, in a little apartment.
21:31And I went outside, and I literally sat there.
21:34And I don't know where this came from.
21:36I don't know, except I'm always looking for things that I can't see
21:39to understand what's going on in the world.
21:41I looked up in the sky, and I said, I know you're up there.
21:45And I know we're not alone, and I want to meet you one day.
21:52And that was that.
21:54And about three months later, I was now dancing in West Covina,
21:58in the theater in the round, and I got really sleepy.
22:02Like, I don't know why.
22:03I wasn't out all night.
22:05I was just like, somebody gave me a shot of, like, Valium.
22:08And I said, could I go sleep in the back of your car?
22:10And I said this to one of my dancer friends.
22:11His name was Todd.
22:12I lay down in the car.
22:13I don't remember anything after that.
22:15And I heard a high-pitched sound in my, in my ear.
22:19But it was so high frequency.
22:21And I was lying in the back of the car.
22:23I remember looking at my hand and my body.
22:26And I couldn't move anything.
22:27I was completely paralyzed.
22:28And I looked out the window.
22:31Two people, short, whatever, looking at me
22:34with triangular-shaped sort of heads, all sort of silver color or whatever.
22:39But they were droning.
22:41And the, the, the window was down because it was hot.
22:44And, and, and, and, I heard the droning.
22:47They were droning like making a noise?
22:48They weren't, there was sound out of, coming out of them.
22:50They, they, it was communication through sound, not through words.
22:54And, and, and they were pointing at me.
22:58So, the, the next part of this story is, many years later,
23:01I didn't know what happened to this day.
23:03Was I, was it a dream?
23:05Was that really happening?
23:06But then, all of a sudden, I just said, I, I gotta get out of here, whatever.
23:09I gotta get out of here.
23:09Boom!
23:10I came through this, like, felt like a force field.
23:12And, and I was just asking people, wonder what that was.
23:16I wonder if I really saw anything.
23:17In the 1980s, mid-80s, there was a book that came out
23:20that was writing about all these different sightings that different people have seen.
23:24Right?
23:25And I thought, okay, I'll look.
23:26It's like extraterrestrial or, you know, whatever name the book was.
23:29And I read it.
23:30And when I read into it, I read that these people that were abducted, they, they, they
23:35all were paralyzed.
23:37And they all had a high-pitched sound in their ear, this high-pitched frequency.
23:42But they were paralyzed.
23:43That's when I put the book down.
23:45I, I, I said, you know, this is, this really did happen to me.
23:48So now the other thing is this, and I want to share this with you, because I've shared
23:52it one other time.
23:54But, so a very, very famous man.
23:56He's an astrophysicist.
23:58He's one of the fathers of the internet.
23:59He wrote a lot of the algorithms.
24:02I met him.
24:03Turns out, he's had been studying UFOs for many years, working with the government.
24:08And he came to my house.
24:10He said, came to my house.
24:11He said, I'm spending the night.
24:12He was also coming down to San Diego.
24:14This is getting shaky.
24:15No, I know.
24:15I know.
24:16I know.
24:16I know.
24:17But it's not going there.
24:18OK.
24:19I said, I told him everything I remember.
24:21It's a long time to remember this stuff.
24:23And I remember, he asked me, what were their mouths like?
24:25What was it about?
24:26Do their ears?
24:27Were there things?
24:27There's all these questions.
24:29And it almost took me back into something.
24:31And I, I, I, I, I suddenly, he said, what were their fingers like?
24:35And I saw their fingers, and I remember these long fingers.
24:38Oh, my God, I'm going to get emotional right now.
24:40But I do get emotional when I say this.
24:42And I, I said, oh, my God, I forgot something.
24:46They touched my face.
24:48And what, I said, it was like the, it was the most benevolent touch I ever had.
24:54It was like the finger.
24:55I'm sorry to, because, you know, God.
24:57But what am I saying?
24:58The finger of God.
24:59And I got emotional because it was so beautiful.
25:04But I had not remembered any of that stuff.
25:06Is it possible that you and your family are aliens from another planet?
25:11Yes.
25:12I swear to God.
25:13We're going to spend here.
25:13I think that's because.
25:15To win all of our awards.
25:17I think that's so possible.
25:19I mean, I really wonder.
25:21Somebody once read my cards or something.
25:23He said, you know, you're from the Pleiades.
25:24I went, oh, really?
25:26Is that outer space?
25:27They went, yes, that is.
25:30Pleiades, Plei-70s, you name it.
25:32All right, well, what we're going to do, I'm going to take a break, and then we'll repeat that story
25:36in its entirety, OK?
25:38Goldie Hawn is here.
25:39We'll be right back.
25:45If you've got a new title, we'll be right back.
25:48We'll be right back.
25:50We'll be right back.
25:51Look out, guys.
25:53Come.
25:54Whoa!
25:54Yeah.
25:55Oh!
25:55Oh!
25:56Oh!
25:56Oh!
25:57Oh!
26:05Oh, look at this.
26:17Das ist Goldie Hawn in der Goldie Hawn special von 1978.
26:24Du bist ein wirklich guter Basketballer.
26:26Du bist so gut.
26:27Du bist so gut.
26:28Du bist so gut.
26:29Du bist so gut.
26:29Du bist so gut.
26:30Du bist so gut.
26:31Du bist so guter, aber tushee-bum.
26:34He forgot it was that intricate.
26:37Because you've done stuff like that anymore.
26:40You know, it's a shame.
26:41Like, I love that something.
26:42They're like, all right, who's popular?
26:43The Harlem Globetrotters.
26:45Let's get them in a sketch with Goldie.
26:46Exactly.
26:47He was at George Schlatter, who created LaFman,
26:49and all of that.
26:50The great producer, George Schlatter.
26:54I do want to mention your book.
26:56This is called the After School Kindness Club crew.
27:00Sorry, the After School Kindness Crew.
27:01Das ist was ich all die Zeit.
27:03Du sagst, Club?
27:04Ja.
27:04Ich denke, wie Chess Club.
27:06Ja, genau.
27:07Wir haben einen gebeten in die Parking-Lot Club.
27:10In der Schule.
27:12Und du hast das mit Lynn Oliver,
27:14die mit Henry Winkler arbeitet manchmal.
27:16Ich weiß, ja.
27:17Sie ist großartig.
27:18Und das ist etwas, ich habe zu sagen,
27:20weil du ein sehr viel charitierter Arbeit mit Kindern,
27:24und der mentalen und der brains.
27:27Du wirklich bist.
27:28Du hast Kinder lernen über ihre brains.
27:30Das ist richtig.
27:31Das ist richtig.
27:32Das ist richtig.
27:32Ich habe das 23 Jahre später.
27:35Das ist wie lange ich angefangen habe.
27:37Ich dachte, warum nicht die Kinder lernen über ihre brains?
27:40Ich habe das gemacht.
27:41Ich habe die Leute zusammengefasst.
27:43Es ist wie ich ein Film gemacht habe.
27:44Es ist wie ich ein Film gemacht habe.
27:45Ich habe die Schrift gemacht.
27:47Ich habe die Writers und all das.
27:48Das ist eine andere Sache.
27:49Und das ist eine Art von Meditation,
27:51das ist speziell für junge Kinder.
27:54Es ist ein Brain Break.
27:55Aber es ist für alle.
27:58Oh, für alle.
27:59Ja.
27:59Ja.
27:59Ja.
28:00Ja.
28:03Ja.
28:12Ja.
28:13Ja.
28:16Ja.
28:16Ja.
28:17Ja.
28:17Ja.
28:18Ja.
28:24Ja.
28:27Ja.
28:29Ja.
28:30Ja.
28:31Ja.
28:31Ja.
28:31Ja.
28:32Ja.
28:33Ja.
28:33Ja.
28:33Ja.
28:35Ja.
28:38Ja.
28:39Ja.
28:44Ja.
28:45Ja.
28:45Ja.
28:45Ja.
28:48Ja.
28:48Ja.
28:48Ja.
28:52Ja.
28:53Ja.
28:56Ja.
28:57Ja.
28:59Ja.
29:02Ja.
29:03Ja.
29:04Ja.
29:09Ja.
29:10Ja.
29:12Ja.
29:14Ja.
29:15Ja.
29:18Ja.
29:22Ja.
29:24Ja.
29:26Ja.
29:27Ja.
29:27Und das zeigt, wie Kinder können zusammenarbeiten,
29:30zusammenarbeiten, lösen Probleme zusammenarbeiten,
29:33das ist, wie man auch mehr Grit und Kritiker-Thinking
29:36in der Präfrontal-Cortex.
29:38Und sie lernen, wie sie sich fühlen, wenn sie Angst fühlen.
29:41Und das ist, das Buch ist nicht ein Teaching-Buch.
29:44Es ist fuller Erfahrungen.
29:45Aber wenn wir, wenn wir in unseren Backyards waren,
29:51und wir spielen,
29:52und ich habe die beste Mud Pie,
29:54wie Sie können.
29:56Und so, das ist das Buch.
30:01Boy, das Alien,
30:02wenn es die Kopfschmerzen hat,
30:04wirklich gab es die Wissen.
30:06Ich habe gedacht, das.
30:07Wenn man face-fingert hat,
30:10so viel kam aus es.
30:12Das ist die Afterschool Kindness Crew,
30:15Pooch on the Loose,
30:16bei Goldie Hawn und Lynn Oliver.
30:18It comes out May 5.
30:19You can pre-order it now.
30:20The great Goldie Hawn, everybody.
30:22Thank you, Bernie.
30:23Happy Dr. Badal Boys.
30:30Tomorrow on Jimmy Kimmel Live,
30:33Meryl Streep and Desi Leiden.
30:35Join us next week with guests
30:37Steve Carell, Jelly Roll
30:39and John Mulaney.
30:41Plus music from Social Distortion
30:43and Avett Padding.
30:46Hi and welcome back.
30:48Music from Duran Duran with Niall Rogers is on the way.
30:51Our next guest star as brothers whose lives are thrown into turmoil
30:55when their father dies and leaves them his convenience store criminal empire.
30:59You know, we lost two dealers to the Favros.
31:02And Reza needs his down payment soon for the golf course.
31:05Oh, Jesus.
31:06Well, I have something that'll cheer you up.
31:08Look at this.
31:09Jimmy Chibble.
31:11So, his real name is Raj,
31:12but the internet has been calling him the F-me felon
31:16based on this attractive mugshot.
31:18Now, this is how the legal system works in America.
31:21You're innocent until proven ugly.
31:24That's me.
31:25TVQ of Deli Boys premieres May 28th on Hulu.
31:28Please welcome Asif Ali and Sarga Shaikh.
31:53Thanks for having me on your show.
31:56We're glad to have you back.
31:59I had you on my show.
32:00You put me on your show.
32:01I don't get that courtesy extended to me very often.
32:04We really like you.
32:05Thank you.
32:06And I like you guys, too.
32:07From the moment I met you,
32:08I feel like we hit it off, like, instantly, what we met.
32:11Yeah, yeah.
32:11And the last time I saw you,
32:12do you remember what the last time was?
32:14Yeah, don't.
32:14You're going to remind us.
32:15Yeah.
32:15You know?
32:16You guys were contestants on
32:17Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, which I host.
32:20And you were doing, as I recall, very well.
32:24We were kind of killing it for a while.
32:25You were.
32:26You made a mistake, though,
32:28that contestants make from time to time.
32:30You were hoarding your lifelines.
32:33I think you were up to $125,000.
32:36Yeah, and we really thought, like,
32:36the plan was we're going to get to a place,
32:38and then we're going to rip with the lifelines
32:40and then become millionaires.
32:42We really thought we were doing something.
32:45You saved three out of your four lifelines.
32:47You remember the question that you asked?
32:49I just remember the answer,
32:50because I see a Telluride on the road all the time,
32:53and it pisses me off.
32:54The answer was Kia Telluride.
32:55It was a complicated question.
32:57It was mixed geography and automotive details.
33:00But your family, you know,
33:03who was your lifeline for that?
33:04It was Hassan Minhaj.
33:06Oh, Hassan Minhaj.
33:07Yeah, yeah, yeah.
33:08And do you think he would have known
33:09the answer to the question?
33:10At the time, I was thinking, no.
33:12But now I'm like, why?
33:14He knows so many things.
33:15Why wouldn't he know the answer?
33:17My dad was like, why didn't you call me?
33:20Did you think your dad really knew the answer?
33:22Because everybody claims they know the answer
33:24after they've been told the answer.
33:26Is your family reaping the benefits
33:28of your success, your television?
33:30We've been so busy working on the show.
33:32I have a brother that looks just like me,
33:34and he's a pharmacist.
33:35And so he will constantly send me videos
33:38and photos of fans, because they'll go in
33:40and be like, I just need to get my prescription filled.
33:42And then they look up and they go,
33:45why is a guy from Deli Boys working at this pharmacy?
33:49And he goes, hey, man, Hollywood's hard.
33:51I told him to say that.
33:55Hollywood's hard.
33:56Hassan, you are now teaching as well, right?
33:59Yeah, that's right.
34:00Where do you teach?
34:01At the University of Texas in San Antonio.
34:03How did that come to pass?
34:04We were promoting the show at South by Southwest last year,
34:08and I ran into this kid who had a fancy camera,
34:12and I told him to take a picture of us
34:13in front of our truck, our activation.
34:16I was never going to ask him for the photo.
34:18I just wanted him to have it, you know?
34:19And he said he works for the Paisano.
34:22And I was like, that's our UTSA, you know, like, newspaper.
34:27He's like, yeah, I go to UTSA.
34:28I'm a film major there.
34:30I was like, UTSA has a film department?
34:32That didn't exist when I went to school there.
34:34He's like, yeah, you know, I'm really excited to be there.
34:36It's new.
34:37It's two years old.
34:38And I told him, I was like, if you want,
34:41I'll come to a panel at UTSA.
34:44And he asked his professors, and they emailed me.
34:46There was, like, seven professors, like, emailing me at once.
34:50They set up the panel.
34:51I did a Q&A.
34:52He was a moderator.
34:53The kid was.
34:54And at the end of it, I joked.
34:55I was like, if you guys want me to come back
34:56next semester to teach, let me know.
34:58And they did.
35:00Wow.
35:01Is that fun for you?
35:03Yeah, it's great, you know?
35:06It's a nice little bit I'm doing.
35:07Yeah, yeah, right, yeah.
35:09Do you work hard on it?
35:10I actually really do.
35:12Yeah.
35:13It's way harder than I thought it was going to be.
35:15And, um, um, some of the kids are amazing.
35:19Uh, some of them really piss me off.
35:22Oh, they do?
35:23Really?
35:23Yeah, but, you know, those are the ones
35:24that I really care about.
35:25Oh, interesting.
35:26I really want them to do well, you know,
35:28because, like, this industry is really hard.
35:30And, uh, who gets to have, like, a working actor
35:33as their professor?
35:34Nobody.
35:35During class five, I asked.
35:36I was like, who here has seen Deli Boys?
35:38And I heard, like, a, woo!
35:42And I was like, wait a second.
35:44Raise your hand if you haven't seen Deli Boys.
35:46And I have 25 students, and I swear,
35:48there was about 20 of them that raised their hand.
35:50And I was like, you know what, guys?
35:52The rest of the class, we're not doing anything.
35:54I found my laptop.
35:56I took it out.
35:56I logged into Hulu for the first time on my laptop.
36:00I didn't remember my password.
36:02So I had to try a couple of times.
36:04I had to, you know, forgot my password.
36:05And then I finally got it on, and I cast it on the screen,
36:09and I made them watch the pilot right in front of me.
36:11And then did they, on their own,
36:13go and watch the rest of the show?
36:15I made it an assignment.
36:17Come on.
36:18Because I can do that.
36:20Oh, sure.
36:22You know, if you could take on more students,
36:24you could have the number one show in the world.
36:26You're right.
36:27You're right.
36:28I made it an assignment.
36:29I'm doing a Deli Boys quiz at the end of the semester.
36:32Very good.
36:32I don't blame you.
36:33Extra credit, you know?
36:34You are.
36:35Now, is the show picking up where last season left off?
36:39Yes.
36:40Yes.
36:40And it's even crazier.
36:42You know, we have all these amazing guest stars.
36:45Yeah, who are the guest stars?
36:46Besides, well, obviously, you've got a real big one.
36:48Our number one guest star is right here.
36:50Yeah.
36:50Yeah.
36:51Thank you.
36:52Big guest.
36:55We got Tan France back.
36:57We got Andrew Rannells.
36:59We got Lilly Singh.
37:01And we got Kumail Nanjiani.
37:03Great.
37:04Fred Armisen.
37:04Armisen, of course.
37:05Oh, man, the best.
37:06Yeah.
37:07Robin.
37:08Yeah, Robin Bede.
37:08Robin Bede.
37:10It's stacked.
37:11It's fun.
37:11Is everybody fitting in?
37:13Everybody's behaving themselves?
37:14Yeah.
37:15They did good.
37:16They did good.
37:16Getting along with Fred and Kumail?
37:19Love Fred.
37:20Yeah.
37:20Love Fred.
37:20Love Kumail.
37:22Unless it's ping pong.
37:23Unless it's ping pong.
37:24Me and Kumail got a little bit of a ping pong beef going on.
37:27Oh, do you?
37:27Yeah.
37:28And you know what, Kumail?
37:29I challenge you, man.
37:30Who's better at ping pong, you or Kumail?
37:33Not even close.
37:34It's me.
37:35I mean, it's pretty close.
37:36It's pretty close.
37:37I'm not going to lie.
37:38He's good.
37:38He's good.
37:39He's good.
37:40Is Fred Armisen invited to play ping pong?
37:42He can watch.
37:43Oh, yeah.
37:46All right.
37:46Well, it's great to see you guys.
37:48I'm glad everything is going on.
37:49I mean, you got another season.
37:50Yeah.
37:50You're teaching.
37:52We're so stoked.
37:52Your brother sells drugs.
37:53It's incredible.
37:54And we're really hoping, we're really hoping to get it season three.
37:58And Jimmy, I really wanted you to say something that Anne Hathaway said on TV the other day.
38:02She said, inshallah.
38:03And I want you to say that, you know, we get a season three.
38:07Inshallah.
38:08Come on.
38:08Inshallah.
38:09Come on.
38:14And I'll see you again soon.
38:15Inshallah.
38:16In season two of Deli Boys premieres May 28th on Hulu.
38:20We'll be back with Duran Duran and Niall Rodgers.
38:28Thanks to Goldie Hawn and the Deli Boys, apologies to Matt Damon.
38:32Nightline is next, but first with the TV debut of their new song, Free to Love, with help
38:37from Niall Rodgers, Duran Duran.
39:00We're at the intersection, potential in all directions, ready for the
39:10A connection, maybe of skin to skin.
39:16That thought is so delicious.
39:21The thought of a massive passion, who tempts us superstitions, to bring this black hat in.
39:33Free to win or lose.
39:37Free to love.
39:37Do what you want to do.
39:41Free to see it through.
39:45Out there and free to love.
39:53Until this moment only.
39:58One of the lost and lonely.
40:01Now you ride a hot star pony across the galaxy.
40:10We're under no illusion.
40:13Chasing the dream and all the confusion.
40:18There's no substitution to be the best that we can be.
40:25Free to love.
40:26Free to win or lose.
40:29Free to love.
40:30Do what you want to do.
40:33Free to love.
40:34Free to see it through.
40:38Out there and free to love.
40:48No illusion.
40:50No illusion.
40:52No illusion.
40:57Free to love.
40:59Free to win or lose.
41:02Free to love.
41:03Do what you want to do.
41:06Free to love.
41:07Be free to see it through.
41:10Out there and free to love.
41:13Free to love.
41:15Free to love.
41:17Free to love.
41:28Be free to love.
41:41Be free.
41:48Applaus
Kommentare