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Watch The Claudia Winkleman Show Season 1 Episode 5 online in HD on Dailymotion (2026).
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00:28Hey
00:31Thank you very much
00:33Hello and welcome to the show
00:35Thank you so much for joining us
00:37This week, Arsenal lost
00:39And then they won
00:40Somebody told me that and I tried to look
00:45Apologies
00:46We have an amazing audience
00:48And some brilliant guests are joining us on the sofa
00:51She has done it all
00:52Comedian, writer, actor, model
00:54And she's here to talk about her latest tour
00:57It's Michelle De Swart
01:08She was the girlfriend in The Girlfriend
01:11But tonight she's here to talk about dragons
01:14It's Olivia Cooke
01:24She's a Hollywood star
01:25And is here to discuss the latest
01:27Installment of the scary movie franchise
01:30It's Anna Faris
01:32Thank you so much
01:42And he has conquered the stage and screen
01:46Best known for starring in 28 years later
01:48Schindler's List and the Harry Potter films
01:50It's the magnificent
01:51Ralph Fiennes
02:07Thank you all so much for coming
02:10I have quite big news
02:12This has never happened before
02:13Anna has brought gifts
02:15They are in this
02:16Well listen, please keep expectations low
02:20No, I'm going to get them out
02:21Okay, great
02:22In this disgusting country
02:24I offer a gift from abroad as an apology
02:29Why?
02:30Just a blanket apology
02:32These are hats that I knitted during quarantine
02:35I quarantined and I learned how to knit a hat
02:39And would you do me the honor of accepting
02:41Oh my god
02:42Oh my god
02:43Hello
02:46Thank you so much
02:47Thank you
02:48Oh my god
02:50I don't know why you're taking them off guys
02:56I'm spending the next hour like this
02:58They are beautiful
02:59Oh, thank you
03:00Oh, that's so kind
03:01Thank you
03:02Thank you so much
03:02Oh, no, thank you
03:04You knitted them in quarantine
03:06Like five years ago
03:08I mean, I'm into it
03:11I had high hopes
03:12You know
03:13Like things were going to get better
03:15And I was going to be on this show
03:16Apologizing to British people
03:18For just general things
03:20You know
03:22I really did have a turn in my career
03:25You know
03:26It's a vulnerable profession that we're in
03:29But to be able to be here tonight
03:31It just means a lot to me
03:33So I'm just really grateful
03:34Well, we are so grateful
03:37Thank you
03:37I'm going to take the hats
03:38I don't think you guys will have a monologue
03:40I'm going to take
03:41You will get them
03:42You will get them back
03:42No, you'll get them back
03:43You'll get them back
03:44You'll get them back
03:45But I'm just going to put them somewhere cozy
03:48Claudia, did I ruin the show by being too serious right off the bat?
03:51No, you did not
03:53Because I can be silly and vapid
03:55No
03:57I was reading about all four of you
04:01And there is a link
04:02Which is just how fantastic
04:04All your mums were and are
04:07Olivia, your mum loves your life, right?
04:11Yeah
04:11I mean, and she loves
04:13She loves the perks that come with it
04:15Yeah
04:17It's my fault
04:18Well, I've created a monster
04:19I know
04:20So the, you know, this job
04:23It's, you know, there's some bits of it that are very gorgeous and like nice
04:27Like premieres and like fancy hotels and things like that
04:30And I invite my mum down and I get her a room at the hotel
04:33And then she goes out and goes to the premiere and she gets on it
04:37Nice
04:38And then you got her
04:40And then I'm like, all right, I think mum needs to go home now
04:42She's in the corner slumped with like a goujon
04:44In one hand and a gin and tonic in the other
04:48And so I end up taking my mum home at my own premiere
04:51Yeah
04:51Um, she loves it
04:53I've spoiled her rotten
04:54Because you're given stuff, right?
04:55They're a freebie sometimes
04:56So like I get, you know, some of the perks of this job
04:59Sometimes you're sent things that
05:01Like a candle or lotion or something
05:03Yeah, and you look online and they're quite expensive
05:05And you're like, I will never ever use this because it's awful
05:08Um, so I send it up to Manchester
05:12My mum's got like a little account on an online resell website somewhere
05:17Under a different name
05:19And I come home and I'm like, oh mum
05:21That's a new armchair, you know
05:23And she goes, yeah, thanks for the lotions
05:25Yeah, that was the handbag
05:27And I'm like, I'm never going to get sent stuff again
05:29Because some of it is really nice
05:30Yeah
05:30And I like to keep it
05:31Oh well
05:32To anyone who's watching, you would still like the stuff
05:34Because your mum needs something to match the armchair
05:36Yeah, and sometimes I do like it as well
05:38And I do wear it
05:39Yeah
05:39I do
05:40Arna, your mum was quite strict about watching TV, right?
05:43Yes
05:43She wouldn't let me watch television
05:45When she left for the grocery store
05:48I would watch television
05:49Then put a bag of frozen peas to cool down the television
05:52Because she would check
05:53Oh my god
05:54Yeah
05:55She did not want me seeing Madonna
05:58Madonna
05:59For her
06:00Like, losing my virginity was very stressful
06:04Yes
06:04Yes
06:06Yes
06:06Yeah
06:06Uh, Rafe, your mum
06:08So I like the fact how forward she was with your dad
06:11Well, she was set up on a, basically a blind date with my dad
06:15My mother cooked, I think, scrambled eggs
06:18For supper
06:18And the story was that he'd turned up
06:21And she thought he was, she was going to meet some
06:25Puny, weedy, chinless wonder
06:28And in walked my father, who was a very handsome, very big man
06:31She made him his scrambled eggs
06:33And then the story goes that he promptly fell asleep
06:37But that didn't put her off
06:38Because the next day she got on her moped
06:40Went to the farm where he lived
06:41And he'd opened the door
06:42And, uh, she said, would you like to come in for a dish of tea?
06:48She said, yes, thank you
06:50I'd like to have six children
06:53Michelle, I love the story of your mum
06:55Who said, I think she panicked when she saw you do the weakest link
06:58Yeah, yeah, is that, you really get a kind of good gauge of what your family think of you
07:04When you tell them, I said to my mum, I was like, I'm doing the weakest link
07:08And she went, oh, shit
07:12And to be honest, they weren't wrong with it
07:13Because I, I only got one question wrong
07:17But the question that I got wrong
07:18So I'm severely dyslexic, right
07:21And, uh, and it was all going well
07:23I was like, what, you're crushing this
07:25Owning this
07:26Yeah, I'm a strong link
07:27And then, um, and then Romesh was like, Michelle, name a vowel that appears twice in the word donation
07:35And I was like, vowels
07:39And so I, I said, blue
07:48Well, I need to explain my reasoning for this
07:50So I was like, my mum was like, oh, mate, what's your strategy?
07:54And I said, well, I think if I don't know the answer for something
07:57I'll just say Moby Dick
07:58Because I feel like at some point that's going to come up as an answer
08:00Yeah
08:01And so when Romesh was like, you know, the vowel that appears twice
08:04I was like, okay, it's Moby Dick time
08:07But I couldn't remember the word Moby Dick, so I thought whale, what colours are whale blue?
08:12And that's why I said
08:14So whenever I, like, forget what I'm supposed to say, I just say Moby Dick
08:19Yeah
08:20I love it
08:21Yeah
08:22I like the fact that I'm just like, we're having a chat and Rafe looks like, help me
08:28I want to talk about my play
08:31Rafe, I'm going to talk to you about your play
08:33I don't want you to panic and run away screaming
08:35I'm staying here
08:36Yeah, good boy
08:37Thank you
08:38Erm, the good boy was too much
08:43As I said that, I was like, I'm uncomfortable
08:46Erm
08:47There'll be an opening night, there will be a red carpet
08:50Do you guys like a red carpet?
08:53Look at Olivia's face
08:54Straight away
08:54It's disgusting, isn't it?
08:57Well, when you've got all those people screaming at you
09:00My reaction is to want to cry or run away
09:04And so, like, I can't, I can't sort, like, it's sort of all that energy gets put down
09:08And under my dress, my, like, right knee is quivering like that
09:11Yeah
09:11Erm
09:13But it's like, it's intense
09:14No, but it can be quite scary
09:15It's intense
09:16Oh, 100%
09:17And I don't know
09:17There isn't, at least
09:20When I, my first red carpet was in the year 2004 scary movie
09:25And it felt confusing
09:27I'm sure some of those photos I am really, like, you know, caught
09:32Caught, like, I know I don't belong, er, here on this red carpet
09:38And I think you guys know that too
09:40That's always the feeling of, like
09:43Imposter syndrome
09:44Yes
09:44I feel like it's just a necessary evil, you know what I mean?
09:48Like, you've got to do the red carpet to get into the venue to quaff the free champagne
09:52To get the video back
09:53Yeah
09:54It's the, it's the tax
09:55Yeah
09:55You know what I mean?
09:57Yeah
09:59So true
10:00In, in my life, and I'm 54, I've never met anybody who likes a red carpet
10:06And then, Rafe, I meet you
10:09Yeah
10:10I've got evidence
10:12Let's have a look
10:13Exhibit one, please
10:14Oh
10:16Oh
10:17He has a lot
10:19I know what you're thinking
10:21Guys
10:21It's a one-off
10:22Buckle up
10:24His is number two
10:26Yes
10:27He's enjoying himself
10:29That's nothing
10:31That is foreplay
10:33Let's have number three
10:37Oh
10:38And finally, as we're all going, oh and it's uncomfortable and they're saying my name
10:47Rafe Fiennes ladies and gentlemen
10:57I love you for it
10:58So, why, why do you love it? You come out of the car, you're wearing a suit, you've got something,
11:04I don't know
11:04You're just ready and they're shouting, Rafe, Rafe, and you're like, I've come along
11:07No, what happens, you get and they excite, Rafe, Rafe, or, well, I met the name
11:11And you go, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, and I smile
11:14And then suddenly a boredom factor kicks in
11:20And you entertain yourself to get through the fucking thing
11:26That's a great strategy
11:29I'm going to try to embrace that
11:32You're our new hero, I would like to see the three of you next time
11:36Pretend to be an aeroplane and you know, all of you, what we're being
11:42Let's talk about this new play
11:45It's coming to the West End
11:47Grace pervades
11:48Yeah
11:49And you found the story, I believe, and gave it to David Head
11:52Well, it's the story of the Victorian actor, Henry Irving
11:57And he was probably the first leading actor to start directing plays
12:02But in our play the key, the sort of central spine
12:06Is the relationship with this wonderful actress, Ellen Terry
12:09She has a wonderful speech where he's trying to give her notes
12:13And she turns it around and starts giving him notes
12:15And he talks about how stiff he feels when he's alongside her very natural acting
12:21And she says, well, I think you take too long to prepare
12:23I'm just in my dressing room, I'm reading a book, I'm reading the newspaper
12:26When it's my cue, I just go down, I just go on stage
12:29I don't have any inhibitions, I just go on, bang, and I'm there
12:32And I have no awareness of 500 people watching me
12:35And Dave has written this wonderful speech for her about the spontaneous allowing of yourself on stage
12:42Without too much thinking and preparing and going all nervous in your head
12:45Absolutely, and also I love the fact that you said what you adore about the theatre is it's totally different
12:50every night
12:50Even if you think it's going to be the same, it's not
12:53And you should embrace it, it being different
12:56I think it's... I think you should allow it to be different every night
13:00Yeah
13:00Here's the thing, right, is that they've got this thing going on in theatres
13:04Where they think they'd sell all, like, the fancy crisps, right?
13:07The kettle chips, the crunchy, hearty crisps
13:10These are the crisps we should be selling in theatres
13:12What's its?
13:14Quavers
13:15Skips
13:16Melt in the mouth
13:17Soft, soft, thank you, soft crisps, right?
13:20And that you've put into a cup or something
13:22None of this rustling of paper
13:23Yeah, unbearable
13:24It does, my head in
13:25Yeah, have a marshmallow or eat first
13:27Yeah
13:28No, I feel the same as you
13:30Yeah, right
13:30And the worst is the popping of drink cans
13:33Mmm
13:35Yes, I feel you
13:36Just the quiet, dramatic pause
13:38Oh my God
13:39Yeah
13:41And, er, actually being in an audience
13:43When someone...
13:44Yeah
13:44And you're engaged and someone is opening a sweet paper wrap room
13:48Mm-hmm
13:48Rapping crinkly pasty
13:50And do you know what...
13:50Do you know what does my head in?
13:51You know what?
13:51Right, it's when...
13:52Someone trying to slowly eat crisps
13:56Slowly
13:56Just get them all in your mouth and just hurry up and do it
13:59It's like, oh, I'm going to quietly try and eat one crisps
14:02I'll bring you in your...
14:03Oh
14:04Do you ever say anything?
14:07Yeah, you do, you're one of them
14:08No, no, no, no
14:09You're one of them, I can tell
14:11Yeah, you do
14:12I...
14:13I...
14:13No, cos I...
14:14I...
14:14Once in a place, a mobile phone
14:17It was a monologue
14:18And the mobile phone went off and I lost it
14:20Good
14:21Don't turn off your fucking phone
14:22That's right
14:24Um, but actually it froze you
14:26That was quite hot
14:27You have the adrenaline thing, isn't it?
14:29It was what?
14:30It was quite hot
14:31It was
14:32Everybody felt it, we were all like, hmmm
14:34Yeah
14:35I don't like it when Rafe's angry, but hold on
14:39That's my phone
14:41Sorry, continue
14:49I'm scared
14:51Um, Rafe, please tell us when and where can we see the play?
14:55Cos we will all be coming
14:56Um, Grace Pervades is on at the Theatre Royal Haymarket
15:00From the 24th of April till the 11th of July
15:04Fantastic
15:07Thank you
15:08And, um, Rafe, I have to ask you about Voldemort
15:12Cos they're about to shoot a new series
15:14Everybody has been cast
15:19Nobody
15:21I'm not saying this to be nice to you, but nobody else can play the Dark Lord
15:25So would you do it again and are you doing it again?
15:27Let's just, we won't tell anyone
15:29Well, I remember being asked the question once we'd shot the Total Film Series
15:32Would I reprise the part? And this was some years ago
15:35And I said, yes, I'd love to
15:37Oh?
15:37But then, um, nothing's happened
15:39And, um, I think that ship has sailed
15:42But I tell you, there was, Tilda Swinton was mentioned somewhere as being a contender
15:46And I think she would be amazing
15:48She'd be amazing
15:49She'd be amazing
15:49Fantastic
15:51Um, Anna, when you were growing up, you had a quite specific
15:57I hope I'm not saying anything bad
15:59Imaginary friend
16:00Yes, I, um, I was a lonely, short child
16:05So, I, I don't know, I didn't have that many friends
16:08It was hard for me to make friends
16:09Which is why I'm so glad to be here tonight
16:11Because I told you guys we're friends now
16:16Gave you a hat and all
16:17Um, but I, I had a retainer
16:21My parents' strategy to keep me a virgin
16:24Was to keep me, uh, with, like, constant dental gear
16:32I had the gamut, I had the neck gear, I had braces, I had retainers of various kinds
16:37And one of them was my beloved retainer, Simon
16:42Who was British, and he
16:46He was my talking retainer
16:47I never lost Simon
16:50Um, Simon would give me advice and help me with homework
16:54We would go on talk shows
16:56We went on Oprah a couple of times, Simon and I
16:59Why? Because it was remarkable that I had a talking retainer who was also my best friend
17:04Yeah
17:05That's a lonely story about a lonely little kid
17:08No
17:09I, I don't want to offend Simon
17:11But when was Simon put away?
17:14I didn't know we were going to go here
17:16Okay
17:17Simon, um, he did get retired, I think, when some teeth came in
17:21Some more teeth
17:22Got it
17:22Had to move on to headgear, still a virgin
17:27Okay, so, Anna, we need to talk about Scary Movie
17:30Because the sixth installment is about to come out
17:34Uh, you were part of the first one
17:37That was 26 years ago
17:39And the same cast are together
17:42How much fun is it reprising the role?
17:46It's more than fun
17:47It's, like, I don't really
17:49Even though I've lived in LA for a while
17:51I don't love the idea
17:52I don't believe in closure or healing
17:55I grew up in Seattle
17:57I wanted to marry a cynical Brit, you know
18:00I had never done comedy
18:01I think Simon always thought I was funny
18:03But, uh, but no one else did
18:06Um, and the movie became a big hit
18:10And it defined the last 26 years for me, essentially
18:14And I feel honored
18:17And it also feels like people
18:18Are really hungry
18:20Yes
18:21For this movie
18:21And that feels thrilling
18:24So, thank you
18:27And the trailer alone
18:30Is majestic
18:32There it is
18:32Oh, thank you
18:33There's a serial killer on the loose
18:35Hello, Tuesday
18:36I have been preparing for this for years
18:41Hello, lover
18:42You look like shit
18:45Sandy
18:46Should we hug?
18:48I really want to
18:49But I'm a Republican now
18:50So I'm supposed to be racist
18:51Oh, girl
18:52I think all white people are racist anyway
18:54Come here
18:54Okay
18:55Aww
18:56Aww
18:58Mom
18:59Santa gave me a severed arm
19:01Be sure to thank him
19:07Thank you
19:09You took your mum to see the film, didn't you?
19:12Yes
19:12Yes
19:12At a very crowded theatre in Linwood, Washington
19:15Um, I took her to see the first scary movie in the summer of 2000
19:20And I told her
19:21Mom, when I tell you
19:25You have to
19:26When I tell you to
19:26You have to get up and go to the bathroom immediately
19:29And, uh
19:30So I did tell her
19:31I was like, Mom, go
19:31And she did
19:32Oh, that's good
19:33Yes, there is a scene
19:35Where I, um
19:39You can say
19:40My boyfriend sprays me to the ceiling of my bedroom with his ejaculate
19:48And
19:48And
19:49And then you're stuck, right?
19:50You're stuck on the ceiling
19:51And stuff
19:51So you can imagine as I was hanging from the...
19:55Why?
19:55You know
19:56This is my first movie
19:59And
20:00And
20:00Like, you know
20:00The prop people are just
20:03Spraying me with
20:05What
20:06What did they use for the ejaculate?
20:08Oh
20:08I wish I knew
20:09I would clock it now
20:11At the time I was like
20:13Don't think
20:13Don't think about anything
20:16Don't think about your mom
20:18Whatever you do
20:19There's something really magical about your parents not letting you watch TV
20:23And then you having to sit in a cinema with your mom while you're welded onto a ceiling with jizz
20:30You know what I mean?
20:32Solid
20:33Yeah
20:34Yeah
20:35Yeah
20:36It is
20:38It's been a...
20:39A wild turn
20:42Sorry, Mom, I'm not Joan of Arc yet
20:46And I have to ask you about House Bunny
20:48Yes
20:49Because
20:50Thank you
20:51Thank you
20:52You made it a while back
20:54And you produced it yourself
20:56You pushed it through
20:57You had this idea
20:58Oh boy, it was tough
20:59My original idea was
21:02And I pitched this to the writers
21:04I said, you know
21:05I was thinking about a lower echelon playboy bunny
21:08And she's getting a little old for the mansion
21:11She hasn't landed a husband
21:13She doesn't really have any skills
21:15What does she do with her life?
21:18So we pitched the movie 24 times
21:21Hi
21:22And...
21:22Um...
21:23The 24th time it sold
21:25To Adam Sandler
21:27And it was a...
21:28It felt like a big achievement
21:30Later on I realised that, of course, he wants to go film at the Playboy Mansion
21:33And...
21:35Like...
21:35Uh...
21:35But it was great
21:36It's now a cult hit
21:38Thanks
21:39I mean, people who are in their twenties, they're obsessed by it
21:42Talk to me about the creation of the demon voice, please
21:45Well...
21:46LAUGHTER
21:49Our director...
21:49Came up to me on set
21:51And he said
21:51Why don't you try a funny voice when you repeat their names?
21:55So what came out was...
21:58Gloria
22:00I can't do it for very long
22:02But I can't do it as well as I used to be able to
22:04I'll have to work on that
22:05Could I take voice lessons with you?
22:07I mean...
22:08Rafe would...
22:09Rafe would be the guy
22:10Ra...
22:11Rafe
22:12Very nice
22:14It's an honour
22:17I'll warm up...
22:18I'll warm up back into it next time I'm on the show
22:20OK
22:21LAUGHTER
22:22How great
22:23APPLAUSE
22:25Oh...
22:25You could do...
22:26I mean like...
22:27I wish...
22:28I'm gonna...
22:28I gotta get better at it
22:29At the very end of the show, can you...
22:31Do you think you could say Moby Dick in that voice?
22:35LAUGHTER
22:35I do
22:36OK
22:37Good
22:37I do
22:37When can we see Scary Movie?
22:40Um...
22:40June 5th
22:42APPLAUSE
22:44Thank you so much
22:47Erm...
22:48Please, Olivia
22:49Talk to us about House of the Dragon Series 3
22:51People loved the first two
22:54What transpires?
22:56What's Series 3 about?
22:58Well...
22:58I have accidentally put my son on the throne
23:03Oh
23:04He's sort of usurping the rightful heir, Rhaenyra Targaryen
23:07You always had good judgement
23:09What's happening?
23:09I did, but then...
23:10But then my husband, the king, he was on his deathbed
23:13And I thought I heard him say, oh, Aegon, I'd like him to be on the throne
23:16But he was talking about something else
23:18Oh no!
23:19He'd had too much milk at the poppy
23:20Oh, boy
23:21Erm...
23:22So...
23:24So...
23:24We're really...
23:25We're really facing the fallout from my mistake
23:29And we're coming to the season at the brink of civil war
23:33And I've parlayed my freedom for my son's head
23:39It's very dramatic
23:41Very dramatic
23:41Can we have a look, please?
23:42Yes
23:48Where were you?
23:53Alicent came to Dragonstone
23:54She will open the gates of the Red Keep
23:57And surrender to me
24:02You cannot...
24:03Trust her
24:04Soon or late
24:05Rhaenyra will send her new dragons here
24:08It would be the end
24:19Oh!
24:20Oh!
24:22Oh!
24:23Very dramatic
24:24Very dramatic
24:28It's so...
24:29All of it
24:31You're like...
24:32You're like holding a sword
24:34Yeah
24:34I like the fact that you like to prank on set
24:37Yeah
24:38What do you do?
24:39Well, I did it once
24:40And then I was scared that I'd Me Too'd myself
24:42So I then didn't do it again
24:44Erm...
24:45But I had to do a sex scene
24:48Erm...
24:48Where...
24:49My scene partner was underneath my skirts
24:53Erm...
24:54You can imagine what was happening
24:55And...
24:55Domino's
24:56Domino's, yes
24:58Yeah, tic-tac-toe
25:02Erm...
25:03And...
25:04Let's just keep saying games
25:05It's fine
25:06Jenga
25:09Because you have to wear these, you know, these...
25:12Erm...
25:12Strap-ons
25:13These strap-ons
25:14We have to wear these strap-ons
25:15We have to wear these sort of like padded, sticky jock straps
25:19For, you know, obvious reasons
25:20And I said, can you make me the biggest, hairiest, merkin
25:26And I want the colour to be fiery red to match my hair
25:30And...
25:31That's power
25:32And...
25:33It looks incredible
25:34It looks incredible
25:35It looks incredible
25:35And, you know, I stuck it on
25:36And...
25:36And the reaction that my...
25:39That my castmate had, Fabian
25:41Which I was a bit alarmed
25:42And I was like...
25:43Like...
25:43Surely you've seen, like...
25:45Hair...
25:45Pubes before
25:46Erm...
25:47But he leapt
25:48To the other side of the room
25:49And he was so...
25:52Shocked and...
25:53Disgusted
25:54And he thought it was real
25:55And I was like, oh no
25:56What have I done?
25:56What have I done?
25:57What have I done?
25:58I thought this was going to be funny
25:58But he was like...
25:59I think he was really...
26:01Erm...
26:01Stricken with anxiety
26:03From...
26:04From...
26:04That...
26:05Experience
26:05Good on you, man
26:07Bring back pubes
26:08Yeah
26:08Bring them back
26:09I mean, they never left
26:11Yeah
26:11My favourite thing in all of this
26:13Is just Rave's going
26:14Yeah
26:18He's up for it
26:19Erm...
26:20You...
26:20Also in series one
26:22You're all getting to know each other
26:23You asked your cast members to smell you
26:26Yeah
26:27Erm...
26:28Well...
26:28We're wearing these period costumes
26:31I can't think about you guys
26:32And they're very heavy
26:33And they're very...
26:34They're very pinched into the arms
26:36And in these scenes
26:37They've got all the fires on
26:39They've got all the incense burning
26:40All the candles are on
26:41And you are hot
26:42And I was going up to Paddy Constantine
26:44And being like, do I smell?
26:45Do I smell?
26:46Can you smell me?
26:46Do I smell horrible?
26:47And he was like, Olivia, stop!
26:49But you know when you just get really paranoid about it
26:50And you think that everyone can smell
26:51And so you have to address it
26:53Before anyone
26:54Before anyone says it
26:55Yes
26:56Or in their head
26:56Yeah
26:57This is what I find with
26:58You know like when you're doing erm...
27:00Like press or
27:01You know you're doing red carpet stuff
27:02And you're borrowing clothes
27:03And a stylist gets you outfits
27:05What you lot don't know is
27:06They don't wash them in between
27:08So then you're on the red carpet
27:09And you're like
27:10Your new funk
27:11Is heating up the old funk
27:13And then you're just like
27:14Everyone's like
27:14You look like a million dollars
27:15You're like, I smell like
27:16About 2B
27:17I agree
27:17Like, yeah
27:19Life
27:20Rafe
27:21Congratulations on The Brilliant Conclave
27:22I know it was a while back
27:23But
27:24Oh
27:25Such a beautiful film
27:26APPLAUSE
27:28There's some heavy robes you're wearing
27:30Voldemort also
27:32No I didn't
27:32There was a gusset
27:33There... no in er...
27:35Yeah
27:36Um
27:36It's my favourite word
27:38I had to wear tights as Voldemort
27:42underneath the long flowing robes and the tight they kept falling down so the gusset would start
27:48somewhere here and then work its way down I couldn't walk as effortlessly as I had hoped
27:57and eventually I said can you give me a garter belt can you give me suspenders and they did
28:05and I used to enjoy teasing the stunt guys by raising my
28:17I think it comes out June on HBO Max
28:28it's a change of subject but if we don't discuss it then what even are we doing with our lives
28:33Anna you wrote a brilliant book yes called unqualified where you talk about the professions
28:40that one should avoid yes in in dating list some of the things we should not go near number one
28:47magician correct somebody who is tricking you I don't know they won't let you in on their secrets
28:55I had a boy they're gonna bore you rigid with a pack of cards I take my bra off I
29:02don't give a shit
29:04number two athlete professional athlete uh for the normal reasons cheating and whatnot but also
29:11because I think you're gonna have to do some ego lifting yeah you know oh the rookie isn't that
29:18good or and they're gonna want a smoothie as soon as your knee gets better yeah yeah number three chef
29:25mm-hmm I do think it's an environment when I was waiting tables where it felt like anger wasn't managed
29:35it was celebrated I don't think you can leave that mentality at work yeah I think there's only one in
29:42in the list of professions you should date yep and what is that please that is a woodworker a canoe
29:49somebody
29:50who makes canoes by the coast cop and solitary he's sad he's sad he's been lonely and he's but he's
30:00carving
30:01that canoe and sanding it I imagine he's quite thorough oh yeah yeah
30:16sorry um you know what we've got an army of in the audience woodworkers they're right there no no gentlemen
30:27thank you woodworkers thank you woodworkers quiet heroes yes
30:37Liam you're I think you are the you are the speaker of the woodworkers is that right I think so
30:41yeah okay um have
30:43you ever made a canoe yeah and I'm very thorough
30:54what do you think about as you're sanding yeah do you think about love all the time
31:02for the rest of you any professions you'd steer clear of actors I think
31:08if you own or created an app I think it's what about the man who created wordle for his girlfriend
31:15it's so
31:16wrong oh I didn't know that story okay he not him but other but all the other ones you don't
31:20want an
31:20app created the ones all the ones that are coming to mind do you know I keep on thinking where
31:26you're
31:26like a woodworker but he's got ever like a story I'm like you need to read the Bible
31:33oh mine's gonna be blown I do yeah you're gonna be well into that I don't have any big things
31:42that I'm like
31:42I'm more like if as long as you're holding on to like one marble I'll probably bang ya I do
31:50I do I do have a
31:52a big no-no for me is anyone who's been to burning man this festival you know this festival in
31:57the desert and
31:58they're like oh you don't need money we just uh it's a bartering system and you're like didn't you
32:02just get a helicopter in what do you mean don't leave money and like I'm always like I don't plan
32:06I'll probably end up having to like I don't know give out a wristy for an egg sandwich but it's
32:10not
32:12beside that there's something about burning man especially if you're on the dating apps and you see
32:17like these guys um that are at burning man and they all sort of like look like they're dressed up
32:22like it's Mad Max and they're super cool and I just want to get my fanny and just chuck it
32:26in a bin
32:26all right then Michelle you were a highly successful model Gucci all of them you said it was great fun
32:34you were in New York yeah and you're still friends with all of them yeah yeah we're still friends and
32:39also like we sort of shared something that it's like very unique and although modeling is especially at
32:45that time the early noughties you had to look a certain way but something that's kind of amazing
32:50about it is that if as long as you looked that certain way anyone could do it so I was
32:55friends
32:55with people from all different backgrounds I probably would never have met and we all had in common the
33:00fact that we were gorgeous like wild time in your life yeah that that wild time of getting paid loads
33:09of
33:09money and and peak starvation yeah there was a mishap I believe with Anna winter if I'm oh yeah yeah
33:16oh there's so many man so many got one in particular I was doing like a cruise show but I
33:23think that's
33:23what they call it it was like the cruise in between yeah yeah yeah exactly yeah you know
33:30anyway I was doing this cruise show and I walked down the runway and I'm wearing this like G string
33:36sort of swimming costume and everyone's like oh and I thought yeah that's right bitches yeah that is
33:43right you can see it and then I come backstage and the dresser starts sort of pulling at the gusset
33:49your
33:49favorite word the gusset my neckline tampons I was like get your fingers out of my crotch and then I
33:55looked down and I'd done the whole runway and back with a tampon string hanging out that would never
34:02happen now because I don't have that kind of fire gap but it was it was it was it was
34:07peak fashion how
34:09did or when did the stand-up happen because I believe you were living in New York and you started
34:13stand-up when he was still modeling yeah yeah I start I mean when did it happen I was doing
34:17stand-up
34:19for years before it happened but yeah you know you sort of you try these things and you think
34:24you're doing well but the reality is you're not that great in the beginning and stand-ups just one
34:30of them things the only way you can get good at it is to be shit yeah sorry I was
34:36probably not the
34:36story you were terrible for a long time but you kept at it also you wouldn't have been as bad
34:49as
34:49you're saying now otherwise you wouldn't have continued well you know what yeah exactly and
34:53also it's just like I think now in the in where in we live in a time where everyone's trying
34:58to
34:58like monetize a talent really quickly there's something really beautiful about stand-up comedy
35:03as an art form because you have to do it in front of people and you can write all you
35:09want but you
35:09can't just write an hour show you have to go and try it out and so you know you have
35:13to make peace
35:14with this ego death that is going to happen on a daily basis and it's it's you know it's definitely
35:20life-affirming you know you do one gig and you're like I'll crush that and then the next day you're
35:25like wow I should probably look into woodworking or something talk to me about your show that you're
35:34doing now sold out rave reviews yeah it's called the afters and yeah I finish in May I think I
35:43put on
35:43some extra dates though but it is I always kind of I wanted to call this show the afters because
35:47I
35:47sort of feel like you know people say your life is like seasons but me being you know an ex
35:53party girl
35:53I like to think of your life as a night out and I think at 45 which is what I
35:58am now I think yeah it's I
36:00know please do not clap this is nothing's natural about this is sorcery this is under a full moon a
36:16five-pointed star in the garden like this is I haven't frowned since like 2007 so yeah I'm like
36:24yeah clap it up I'll give you the number to my doctor but anyway so I do I do think
36:30that you know if I
36:30think of life as a night out I feel like 45 you just got to the afters do you know
36:35I mean well I
36:36think the best part of a night out is the debrief and the afters are you finding that in life
36:42exactly
36:43yeah yeah the forties have been my favorite decades so far definitely the forties as a woman is yeah
36:50mwah chef's kiss you know like you go for a little bit in the beginning where you're like your hormones
36:55start really going out of whack and you like look at the landscape of your mates and you're like wow
36:59we're
36:59all tapped and then you know I mean this is like the opening of a Michael Jackson thriller video you
37:06look at all your mates are a bit like you want some you want some yeah I'm all right yeah
37:09we go brunch
37:10yeah let's go brunch and you're like you sort of think wow we're really not being ourselves right now
37:15and then and then you start you know chatting to each other about like what you want you on the
37:20soul see I'm on HRT is it oh well if you try pedestrians you know that you can get a
37:25you know sort of now
37:26testosterone the shell yeah once you get that nicely balanced and then you make him money and that it's
37:34fucking unstoppable let me I'll see this because I also I read which I loved is you go off you're
37:42the
37:42supermodel you're in New York you start stand up and then you've come back and you're living in the
37:48same street that you were that you grew up on I like that you've come home yeah I know I've
37:53ended up
37:53buying a place on the same road that which is funny because when I left I left arrogant like I
37:59was
37:59like see you later I'm never coming back you know I mean I was just like bye then then you're
38:06like you
38:06know gentrification happens and you're like oh don't you said brunch and polite how am I going to be
38:10able to afford to people serving beans in ramekins shit it's gonna take me a while so yeah now I'm
38:17finally back where I started and the amount of jokes I've had to tell to be able to make enough
38:22money to afford to move back there we are nearly at the end of the show but we do this
38:37lovely thing
38:38where people from the audience can add something or they can ask a question we are not qualified but if
38:44anybody has a question is that okay oh yeah anyone got any questions oh I like it already hands yes
38:52please
38:52um hi um I was just wondering should I schedule a nap for my wedding day
39:08but are you doing one of those sort of getting married at 12 then a drinks at five no you've
39:13got
39:13to squish it all in get married at eight dinner at nine night night great should we do that I'll
39:22just
39:22I'll just rearrange it all it's gonna be an amazing 24-hour a-thon Michelle would you suggest a nap
39:30I
39:31don't as someone who's married and divorced I don't think you want too much time to contemplate anything
39:36have a lovely life thank you
39:43anybody else please yes of course hi hi um how do you leave a first day early if you know
39:50you don't
39:50instantly like them I tend to overcompensate but I don't want to do that anymore no up and out yeah
39:56also I've been on dates where they've gone really badly and I've just turned around to the person of
40:02being like should we stop and they're always and they're like yes yeah the feelings mutual if you're
40:11in a situation where you're like I don't think this is going well you best believe the other person's
40:15like this ain't it and then you can just give each other your time back do you know I mean
40:21yeah do
40:22you take a shot before all I well the thing is then you might end up enjoying yourself more than
40:27yeah
40:27I mean then like yeah so I would just be like this is not it right yeah shall we go
40:34thank you
40:39no I agree because I am when I've been single in the past I it's always led to a sympathy
40:44snog and
40:45I've never wanted to do it but I've just been I don't know how to end the date someone my
40:49question
40:58is what do you think is the the meaning of life I like it I I I'm surprised by it
41:14and let's run with it Rafe
41:35um good friendships enjoyment of food um acceptance of death
41:46oh that'd be cool about death be cool about death yeah that's it wow
41:54that's really good thank you so much we're gonna end the show I feel bad to do this but would
42:02you
42:03just do the magic of demon voice Moby Dick and then my work is done
42:14that is it we are off to play backgammon I'd like to thank my brilliant guests Michelle de Swart
42:31thank you so much for watching tonight
42:40giving up their phones and bank cards five new teams are leaving Sicily on the trip of a lifetime
42:46watch their race across the world so far on BBC iPlayer
42:49well thank you
43:01thank you
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