- 5 hours ago
Watch The Claudia Winkleman Show Season 1 Episode 7 online in HD on Dailymotion (2026).
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:01Quite giggly
00:03This is when we put the best bits of the show together. Have you watched any of it? I watched
00:09one, okay
00:14Only because I go to bed early. No, so do I
00:30I
00:51Always happen just screaming every single day of my life
01:00I'm not gonna lie. I'm shit myself, Claudia. No
01:04Rachel your best friend is
01:07Your biggest fan, which I'm sure you get this a lot when I was growing up and One Direction was
01:13getting very popular
01:13I was getting into Les Miserables, so I wasn't really me too
01:18I've seen it multiple times. Yes, of course and my best friend when I was a kid
01:22I've known her since I was one. Oh, her name is Carly and she had a
01:26Cardboard cut out of you in her bedroom. So when we have sleepovers, do you know who watched me sleep?
01:44Thank you all so much for coming because Jimmy you got in from Australia literally this morning
01:50Why flew from Australia but via Los Angeles? Oh
01:54No, so it was I went I'm basically trying to prove flat earthers wrong
02:00How do you deal with it? What's the answer Lisa? What's your do you have an answer you get on
02:05the plane drugs?
02:09What are you supposed to eat? I can't travel anywhere. I can't go to Manchester. I get jet lag. I've
02:14never yeah, it's true
02:15I've never moved. I don't think you're supposed to eat. I think you're not supposed to eat
02:19You know when to eat on the plane, right? Right. I don't eat plain food. You don't?
02:24I do if I'm hungry
02:28That's how food works
02:31I read once that you love meat. I always know I always travel with like biltong. It's like cured sort
02:39of
02:39Uh beef dead animals. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and when you say like do you take a slither or are you
02:44taking a bag?
02:45I take like a big a big bag, uh
02:47Just to get me through. Yeah, a big sort of fatty bag of sort of old meat
02:55What's happening
02:57You can get like prepackaged stuff in supermarkets
02:59I feel like I need a visual of it
03:01No, I go to like a south africa like a south africa
03:04It's the store like it's still africa themed store, but does the meat
03:08Is it odiferous like does it smell really bad? I don't think it smells bad, but I think other people
03:14might think it smells bad
03:16I don't know. Just curious, you know
03:18Yeah, it smells good. Are you a meat eater? I love meat. Yeah, listen
03:23I'll bring you to the south africa themed shop
03:26Okay, this is the worst episode of first dates ever
03:31Um chase infinity the best name on the sofa the best name I think i've ever heard
03:37Um your parents are very clever. How did they put it together?
03:41They they had watched batman forever and nicole kidman played a character named chase meridian
03:46And they were like regardless of anything
03:48Her name is going to be chase because they were obsessed with nicole kidman in in that movie
03:52And then infinity comes from a toy story to infinity and beyond and i've just gone by chase infinity since
03:58i was 10 so
03:59That's that's how they sort of decided what you were going to do
04:02Before they even met kind of crazy literally crazy how that happened
04:06But yeah
04:06And what's your sister called her name is dolce and she's into fashion she went to school for
04:13Is that all you have to do with the kids yeah
04:16I wish i'd known yeah i would have given my kids different names
04:22Um rita thank you for coming because you've come from very far but you love london you used to live
04:27here
04:27I do love london yes i went to drama school here at lambda very long time ago
04:32But it was super fun and it was it was you know like you're living in england you're in london
04:38I saw so much theater it was absolutely fantastic yeah
04:42So when you come back are you like i remember this little shop or i want to have this soup
04:46from here
04:47Oh no no you have to understand like i was on a student's budget
04:50And so in in america we have this thing called the freshman 10
04:54Which is when you go off to college you immediately gain 10 pounds
04:58And i definitely had that because my diet was like mcdiddies mcvitties
05:03Did i say mcdiddies i like mcdiddies
05:05Guys we're going to mcdiddies
05:08We all did that in freshman year
05:10Yeah we all did that
05:15I'll have the double ditty
05:16I'll have the double ditty and an std test
05:19But mcdiddies was also mcdonald's because it was like french fries or mcvitties that was my diet
05:24And my body loved it
05:26Yeah you were like thank you i will come to london more often
05:29Yes exactly give me more please
05:30Russell uh for you bristol or london
05:34Well i'm from bristol so i you know i prefer bristol
05:38But it's no i like i like london i'm a fan
05:40I i got i got mugged here once and it was the most
05:44But it was the most middle-class mugging so a friend of mine had uh she'd just given birth
05:49So i got some cupcakes so i'm carrying these cupcakes up this hill and this kid's probably about 15
05:54Really pasty looking kid just stands in front of me and goes oi
05:59You better give me one of them cupcakes
06:02And i suddenly kind of went you can't have them my friend she's just given birth
06:07And this kid suddenly went i'm sorry tell her congratulations
06:12And he was like this it's such a beautiful moment of like
06:16You kind of go from fear to like yeah
06:19And i like it um we have unbelievable news because dan you are moving to london
06:25Yeah
06:28Yeah i mean i'm moving as as yes i have a place here that is i will be here
06:35As much as i possibly can with with within legal bounds
06:40You lived here before i did i lived here in my early had a very bad relationship
06:45I'm sorry needed to come here because that's where notting hill was the movie
06:50Like one of my favorite movies
06:51And i was like i don't know i'm 21 years old anything's possible i'm gonna move to london and find
06:59myself
06:59So i found a little apartment yeah and it was great and it was i moved in and i'm like
07:06to be clean
07:07I'm spraying everywhere i don't know who was in here before it was kind of dirty
07:12I'm hearing rumors from the people downstairs that it might have been a a mother-daughter
07:19Sex duo got it oh sexy
07:23Probably had way more sex in there than i did anyway
07:26I'm what was the address out of interest
07:28I pull the bed from the wall at this point i had taken my gloves off
07:33And i'm now you know when you're in cleaning mode it doesn't you're not really you're just fishing so i'm
07:37reaching down the side of the bed
07:41I'm gonna tell you what i found and then you tell me what you think it is okay okay
07:46So i grabbed it can i just say the weirdest game show i've ever been on
07:51I'm into it it slips out of my hands what do you mean oh hell it was a
07:58Yeah phallic shaped perfume bottle
08:01Wrapped in a condom oh and tied at the end
08:07And slippery
08:21What do you think it was what perfume it's a sex toy isn't it no not perfume well
08:26It was perfume until someone turned it into something else would it be me have a condom well maybe because
08:31it was cold
08:35I don't
08:36You ask
08:37I don't
08:40Anna uh you wrote a brilliant book
08:42Uh oh i better get us some water yes
08:45Called unqualified where you talk about the professions that one should avoid
08:49Yes in in dating list some of the things we should not go near number one
08:54Magician correct
08:58Somebody who was tricking you i don't know they won't let you in on their secrets
09:02I had a boy they're going to bore you rigid with a pack of cards
09:07Like take my bra off i don't give a shit
09:09Yeah number two athlete professional athlete uh for the normal reasons cheating and whatnot but also because
09:19I think you're gonna have to do some ego lifting
09:22Yeah
09:23You know oh the rookie isn't that good or and they're gonna want a smoothie as soon as your knee
09:28gets better
09:29Yeah number three chef
09:32Um i do think it's an environment when i was waiting tables where uh it felt like anger
09:41It wasn't managed it was celebrated i don't think you can leave that mentality at work yeah
09:46Um i think there's only one in the list of professions you should date yep and what is that please
09:54that is a woodworker a canoe
09:56Somebody who makes canoes by the coast cop and solitary he's sad
10:04He's sad he's been lonely and he's but he's carving that canoe and sanding it i imagine he's quite thorough
10:12oh yeah
10:14Yes
10:23Sorry um you know what we've got an army of in the audience woodworkers they're right there no no gentlemen
10:34Thank you
10:35Thank you
10:35Thank you
10:35That's amazing
10:36Woodworkers
10:38Thank you woodworkers
10:39Liam
10:40Quiet heroes
10:41Yes
10:43Liam i think you are the speaker of the woodworkers is that right i think so yeah
10:48Okay um have you ever made a canoe
10:51Yeah uh and i'm very thorough
10:57Standing and standing
11:00What do you think about as you're sanding yeah do you think about love all the time
11:07For the rest of you any professions you'd steer clear of actors
11:13Olivia i think if you own or created an app
11:17i think it's
11:19What about the man who created wordle for his girlfriend it's so romantic oh i didn't know that story okay
11:23he not him but
11:24But but all the other ones you don't want an app created the ones all the ones that are coming
11:28to mind
11:31Do you know i keep on thinking where you're like a woodworker but it's got ever like a story i'm
11:35like you need to read the bible
11:37Yes
11:37Oh
11:39Mine's gonna be blown
11:41I do
11:42Yeah
11:43I do
11:44Yeah
11:44Yeah
11:45The album is called the sound of a woman right the sound of a woman i think is just
11:51Exactly i say that quite a lot my husband has an idea
11:58That's another one
12:00I've got a
12:01A bum
12:04Yeah go make the bed
12:05No more words one of my one of my favorite noises a woman's ever made i was in wow wait
12:12a minute
12:14So a lady uh see johnny depp
12:19In the streets it's probably about 20 years ago and the noise i'll never do it justice but she saw
12:23it went
12:25It was so just and you could sort of see it happening as he's walking down various
12:30He was just sort of gliding down the street just causing various noises um i could do something but it's
12:38filthy
12:38Do it just do it right now before no no no no yes
12:57I was just making conversation i can't
13:00No you're doing i'll tell you what i can do i can do an extraordinary but it's audio only
13:06Horse impression
13:08Do you want to go around the back so that we can only hear you
13:12And i have used it in foreplay
13:19Are you ready
13:21It's audio just imagine wedding night 28 years guys
13:27Ready okay are you coming to bed yes i get pretend hooves on i don't great
13:32Are you ready
13:34Oh
13:35Oh
13:43We all would we all would yeah that is the sound of a woman
13:53Just to be clear
13:55What a male
13:58Joanne you're doing all of these shows and you also would like to adopt a dog
14:02i bought a house finally on the ladder i have a garden lovely i was like i'll obviously i'll
14:08rescue a dog because that's what you do are you adopt also i'm adopted myself so i feel it's only
14:11Fair to pay it forward so i would always rescue i would never buy new
14:29And um shame on you for having your own children claudia you should have
14:32How dare you so anyway i went i rang up and it is so
14:39hard and i'll probably get rinsed for saying this but like i was like a blah blah blah i want
14:44to adopt a little and they were like yeah do you have a car and i was like no i
14:48said i have access
14:49to an e-scooter and they were like oh yeah do you have a car and i was like they're
14:54like you can't
14:54adopt a dog and i was like what am i driving it to it's piano lessons
14:58i like the fact that i'm just like us we're having a chat and rafe looks like help me
15:05i want to talk about my play
15:09wait i'm going to talk to you about your play i don't want you to panic and run away screaming
15:13i'm staying here yeah good boy thank you um the good boy was too much
15:20as i said i was like i'm uncomfortable
15:24there'll be an opening night there will be a red carpet do you guys like a red carpet look
15:30at olivia's face straight away it's it's disgusting isn't it well when you've got all those people
15:36screaming at you my reaction is to want to cry or run away and so like i can't
15:43i can't sort like it's sort of all that energy gets put down and under my dress my like right
15:47knee is quivering like that yeah but it's like it's no but it can be scary oh 100 and i
15:54don't know
15:55there isn't at least when i my first red carpet was in the year 2004 scary movie and it felt
16:03confusing
16:04i'm sure some of those photos i am really like you know caught caught like i know i don't belong
16:13uh here on this red carpet and i think you guys know that too that's always the feeling of like
16:20imposter syndrome yes i feel like it's just a necessary evil you know i mean like you've got
16:26to do the red carpet to get into the venue to quaff the free champagne it's the tax
16:32you know what i mean yeah so true in my life and i'm 54 i've never met anybody who likes
16:42a red carpet
16:43and then rafe i meet you yeah i've got evidence let's have a look exhibit one please
16:51oh he has a lot i know what you're thinking you guys it's a one-off buckle up here is
17:03number two
17:05he's enjoying himself that's nothing let's have number three
17:17and finally as we're all going oh and it's uncomfortable and they're saying my name
17:23ray fines ladies and gentlemen
17:33so why why do you love it you come out of the car you're wearing a suit you've got something
17:38i don't
17:38know you're just ready and they're shouting rave rave and you're like i've come along you know what
17:42happens you get and they start rave rave or what i met the name and you
17:49suddenly a boredom factor kicks in
17:51all right and you entertain yourself to get through the fucking thing
18:01that's a great strategy i'm gonna try to embrace that dawn and i my friend dawn french and i once
18:09thought we'd be really daring and we got an ecstasy tablet oh that's me and we thought we could take
18:16well i think it was something with a rabbit on it it was about that big and um and we
18:20thought one day
18:21i said well be alone it became such a matter of planning as to when we could take half
18:29an ecstasy tablet and so we kept it and kept it on dawn's mantelpiece like that and then one day
18:35just about six months later when we gone okay right we're ready we had water we had we didn't know
18:42what to expect at all the pill had gone no your dog was looking lively that day and it was
18:52quite
18:52a relief yeah you were like thank goodness thank god we don't do that anymore yeah no drugs for us
18:57the dog was out in the garden jumping up and down having sex with the traffic
19:04where did you first meet him where did i first meet riz Ahmed
19:08uh for legal purposes i've been asked to frame this story
19:13to go back like 20 years could be a little bit more um and i'm from coventry i still live
19:19there
19:20and i before i did this had different vocations um one of my vocations was selling tulips let's go with
19:31that let's go with that beautiful tulips they were right yeah i was a florist people really like the
19:37flowers every time they exist there brother this flower is the best flower i ever smelled in my
19:42whole life okay i was in an alleyway with my still best friend till this day and a gentleman
19:48comes running into the alleyway and when you're selling tulips late at night everyone's on edge
19:52go with it guys i looked down i looked down the alleyway and there's riz Ahmed but i didn't know
20:01it was
20:01riz Ahmed and riz Ahmed was a little bit nervous about the the activity of floristry in this particular
20:06alleyway but to his credit riz decided to venture down there to me and my friend and said my brothers
20:13i'm about to spit some bars in the students union would you like to join me and i looked at
20:18my friend
20:19and said probably not man these tulips ain't gonna sell themselves brother my friend who's a good person
20:25he's a good geezer he said no we should support this guy he looks kind of stressed so we accompanied
20:30him to the students union this is oscar-winning riz Ahmed 20 years ago and he performed quite okay-ish
20:38rap
20:38music to a group of six people in poetry students union and 10 years later when i started doing like
20:46comedy and silly stuff like that he messaged me and he goes but can i ask you a question
20:52i said yeah he said did you used to sell tulips
20:58in an alleyway in coventry and i said who are you the police
21:02go away and that's the story of how me and riz Ahmed
21:11josh could you try and explain to dan who who mr blobby is okay it's quite so there's
21:21it's just bear in mind this took four hours in the podcast right i need it in 15 to 30
21:26seconds
21:26okay there's a man called noel edmonds he had a saturday night tv show and he used to prank
21:31people it was huge it was the biggest show on british tv massive and he thought a good way of
21:36doing that would be to dress as a fake character so they made mr blobby which was a seven foot
21:40rubber
21:41and pink thing that went blobby blobby blobby and then you know where's your photos yeah go on yeah yeah
21:49yeah so that's just to be clear no one is on the left and um
21:56and then the problem was that mr blobby became so popular
22:01terrified popular yeah yeah with the with the british public that he uh became absolutely bone chilling
22:10if this creature showed up at my house i would call the police so that mr blobby he became so
22:17popular he got a number one single yeah right christmas what do you mean he went two things too
22:23exactly yeah and then he became so popular they opened a string of mr blobby theme parks
22:29yes they did yeah that's our mickey mouse yeah
22:39okay um rita yes a slight bone to pick with you all right you enjoy camping yeah i love camping
22:48so do
22:48you mean camping as in we're coming pitch up the tent and bring me a pet giraffe or are you
22:57like driving and you're making a stove yes we have one of those vans that is you know kitted out
23:05with a bed and a kitchen and everything and there's nothing better than cooking in the outdoors
23:10it is so fantastic like i don't know there's something about being under the stars
23:15and there's a lovely little lovely toilet in there so it's very civilized it's very civilized is it one
23:21of those where you have that blue liquid and you have to no they're very high tech now oh are
23:27they
23:27very very high tech it's always you know what i mean it's that weird exactly he's great and then you're
23:32working away you're shame no it's beautiful and it's really really great yeah but it is that
23:42sometimes she's like her friend's coming in in a minute she's making the horse noises
23:49i can't kill the moon
23:52lisa your character valerie uh takes part in traitors uh-huh and i know and
24:01and valerie's uh stint on traitors was inspired a little bit by somebody on the uk
24:07traitors yes it was on linda linda because for those who haven't um seen and they i'll just
24:22explain linda was the person who and i said traitors you'll meet each other later and looked at me and
24:27nodded and there was a bit of linda in it wasn't there a bit yeah oh my god yeah we
24:34had valerie
24:36someone's saying like well i think he's a traitor and says oh no i can tell you 100 he's a
24:40faithful
24:42how do you know just i have a i have a feeling i mean no i don't don't you wish
24:47we knew who the
24:48traitor was i do i think so stressful yeah i love the fact it was based on linda and i
24:54think it's only
24:55right that you meet her but oh yes linda come on no way
25:16i love seeing you i just somehow wanted linda and lisa
25:23together together even just for a minute but linda in your wildest dreams when that happened and
25:30you looked at me and went got it uh did you ever think that then the mighty lisa kudrow would
25:38use
25:38you as inspiration in her amazing show no crazy absolutely on our show she was voted out like that
25:49night oh yeah no what was wrong with your group heaven yes episode seven they took a very long time
25:57they took a very long time because you're very charming ladies and gentlemen linda thank you
26:12that was thrilling we're all still alive though yes we are i just i just i couldn't help it when
26:23i
26:23watched i was like oh hold on a minute yeah i know but they didn't vote her out sorry none
26:29of
26:29them are here so i can say not bright um niall i found out some other information about you which
26:40i'm obsessed more information about me for vogue you went through your beauty routine oh jeez
26:46oh look at that all right and by the way it would not fit on these cards not even small
26:55font
26:56i bought a clipboard there are 22 steps wait one you light a candle to set the tone
27:06i explained give me a minute go on i'll give her a half an hour
27:09i was gonna say there's a cold water splash pardon number nine is you play with big silver balls
27:20there are so many tell me what you actually do i do quite a few of them to be fair
27:25i'm quite
27:25i'm quite big into the skincare do the ice water in the morning three or four dunks
27:36a couple of moisturizers and like a serum a moisturizer as to have a spray well it's like a cold
27:43plunge for your face yeah it's he's actually 72 years old yeah wow he's amazing i don't know you
27:51did i'm so impressed i'm used to dealing with lads who cleaned their face with a scrub daddy i've never
27:59i need to move up in the world yeah um guz what are you doing in the morning look by
28:07the way look
28:07how immaculate that skin is like i wash my face sometimes you know sometimes some mornings it's hard
28:16my wife puts that um is it like a blackhead strip what is that blackheads i don't know what it
28:22is but
28:22every time is every time she puts it on she insists that she's the one to take it off
28:28and when she peels it she does the same thing every time she peels it looks at it and says
28:32disgusting
28:35just so you know yeah very satisfying though did she rip it off like quick or
28:40it depends on the mood got it got it i think what i'm my plan is to um
28:47two-step skincare and then just eventually get a gorgeous korean facelift yeah wow how how we can
28:54all be doing it yeah i want it they just yank you off yeah they yank you up yeah yeah
28:59yank you right
29:00all right the problem is where did the folds go who cares about the foul okay it goes into the
29:04back
29:04of your ears right i want my eyes on my head i want so much plastic surgery when they cremate
29:08me i won't
29:08burn i'll just
29:17i'll just shrink things remember those crisp packets in the 90s you used to put in the oven they just
29:24shrink yeah that'll be me fingers crossed that's my goal yeah it's a good goal i like it i want
29:30my eyes
29:31the top of my head i want my ass on my back that's what i want um jeff you've starred
29:39obviously in
29:39oscar-nominated wicked the biggest musical film in recent memory and i don't know whether this is true
29:49but please say it is that occasionally you would look down the lens and speak directly to the editor
29:56and say i like that take or is that true yes i would do takes i was trying to do
30:00a good job and
30:01sometimes as was my want to do i think is the phrase i would after a take i would go
30:07uh and he
30:08would go and cut okay jeff says uh myron kerrystein that's uh that's i say that's that's a good one
30:15just so you know our editor's called steve he's happy with any notes you have
30:20yeah that's your camera over there if you said something that you're particularly proud of you
30:25just say steve add yes i think i've been lively tonight steve and i say any any genuine moment
30:33that especially i like the spontaneous ones yes where there's a real connection which i've felt
30:38strongly with us so i say so far anything is uh good for the show fine thank you steve will
30:45take
30:45that good steve i trust you completely steve james i love the fact we were chatting earlier and you said
30:53your favorite thing is when you're acting is watching the person who is acting right in front
30:57of like sometimes you're and i love when actually when you're so in awe yeah oh man sometimes like
31:02sometimes really good acting just makes it all seem seamless and all that kind of stuff sometimes
31:06you're working with somebody who's just does something so good you're like yeah oh my god
31:11and i was like that with your husband oh really i know that we acted together but like i i
31:16would go
31:17in he's yeah no he wouldn't let me um i just say who your husband is just tell the group
31:23yeah you're
31:25married to just so you know yes i'm sorry to have to tell you this but um you have all
31:33this and be
31:33married to tom hanks yes um and i yep he does deserve that i don't know why i do this
31:41thing sometimes
31:41when i get around famous people when they kind of go like hey what's up what are you going to
31:45get for
31:45lunch and they've just been totally normal and i'm like i feel so uncomfortable and i go into this
31:52weird sort of over like almost put on working class now i'm like all right man i know i'm gonna
31:57get
31:57some chips or something i'm gonna get like i drive a punto would you drive a ferrari you know brilliant
32:06i'm gonna get some bread with butter i'm gonna get some caviar and i don't know why that happens
32:12yeah of course i don't like it it's a bit like you know when you really fancy somebody
32:17yeah but early on you know with the first person i found somebody so badly when i was 17 and
32:21he
32:21was speak to me and i would just be sick that's that character in south park he was like everything
32:30guzz before you got into comedy and before uh all of this you were a teacher
32:36i was a teacher what kind of a teacher were you a shit one
32:44i don't believe that i just don't believe that what do you believe i believe that
32:53what did you teach well here's the thing so when you do your pgce yeah uh specializing teaching
33:01you you you do that in a specific subject or set of subjects i never got around to teaching those
33:08specific sets of subjects nice so like i i was basically like a really good big brother forward
33:14slash that fun uncle around school and i would like to hope to think maybe that i had contributed
33:21in a positive way to the children of grace academy in coventry if i didn't and you failure gcse's i
33:25apologize that is the plot to school of rock without the music yeah can i tell you something yeah your
33:32students loved you did they love me they loved you would you like to say hello to one no stop
33:37it
33:37i'm gonna cry i'm gonna cry
33:44i'm gonna cry
33:48there's another one yes come in you y'all
33:51come we out
33:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
33:59Are you 25 now?
34:01You're 25 now?
34:02Yeah?
34:03I love C's!
34:05Oh!
34:07Oh!
34:08Oh!
34:10I know!
34:12You bought all the brown ones!
34:15LAUGHTER
34:17You left all the poor white kids at home in Coventry!
34:19I love you too!
34:20Have a seat on the sofa!
34:22Oh, that's brilliant!
34:22What is it?
34:23Oh!
34:24Hi!
34:25Hello!
34:26Can I sit next to them?
34:28Yeah, you can sit next to them!
34:28Come here!
34:30I've loved having a laugh with you, but to hear their stories
34:34about how brilliant you were, I don't want to embarrass you,
34:36we've gone a bit, um, weird.
34:39LAUGHTER
34:39But you were much better than you're saying,
34:45because, Simran, what did he do for you?
34:47You know what?
34:48As you see Mr Khan, yeah?
34:50In TV was just like how he was in school, yeah?
34:54I remember the first time I had him in a class, yeah?
34:57He goes,
34:58Oi!
34:58Simran!
34:59Come here!
35:00And I was like, I thought I was in trouble, right?
35:03And he was like, I can't be asked to do the presentation,
35:05slide the next button, you sit there and you do it for me, yeah?
35:09LAUGHTER
35:10I was like, safe, right?
35:12But then, the thing is, I was quite shy up until I had Mr Khan as my teacher
35:17and, again, he was that fun uncle vibes, right?
35:21Where he made me feel comfortable and I started to gain a bit of confidence
35:24from that.
35:24But even after he left, knowing what he pursued was enough to inspire myself
35:31to pursue something different, you know?
35:34When you come from Coventry and you come from a South Asian background,
35:37you're not always pushed to do something creative.
35:39So now, you know, I went to uni, I passed.
35:42Yeah.
35:43LAUGHTER
35:44I got an art degree!
35:46You were art degree!
35:47I got art degree!
35:48And, and, and...
35:50And, yeah, it was like...
35:52You contributed more than you think.
35:54Oh!
35:56Come on!
36:00APPLAUSE
36:04Tell us about Mr Khan.
36:06Why are you sweating so much?
36:08LAUGHTER
36:09I don't know what I'm allowed to say and not allowed to say, innit?
36:13Brother's got tulips in his inside pocket, I don't know...
36:16LAUGHTER
36:18Now, you know what it is?
36:19This guy, he made us all feel like you can go out and do anything
36:22that you want.
36:23Coventry's...
36:25Coventry's going for tulips.
36:27LAUGHTER
36:27So, everyone...
36:28Really?
36:29Yeah.
36:30Well done.
36:31Everyone there is some sort of florist, one way or another.
36:34LAUGHTER
36:35No-one really thinks of Coventry and thinks,
36:37oh, yeah, like, someone's going to come out of there.
36:39So, to see somebody go out and do it, like,
36:41I'll be the first one to say it.
36:42And everyone in Coventry has goods back in.
36:44Like, we're super proud of what you've done.
36:47APPLAUSE
36:47Come on!
36:49APPLAUSE
36:54Now, we are nearly at the end of the show.
36:57I cannot express this enough that we are deeply unqualified
37:02to answer questions.
37:03But lovely people in the audience have questions.
37:06And so, anybody who has a question, please.
37:10Um...
37:10Yes, sir.
37:11Right?
37:11Yeah.
37:12So, hello, my name is Balder.
37:14I've got a dating question.
37:16I've just recently started dating someone...
37:18No, I'm married.
37:19LAUGHTER
37:20LAUGHTER
37:25Sorry.
37:26Sorry.
37:26No, I've just recently started dating this girl.
37:30And I think it's going really well, you know?
37:32But I'm afraid that maybe she's into, like, star signs.
37:37No, get out.
37:38Well...
37:39Is that a red flag?
37:41When was she born?
37:44I don't know.
37:45But, you know, the irony is that we met filming a music video.
37:49Oh!
37:49And she was literally in a star-shaped costume.
37:52Oh!
37:53So, I don't know, like...
37:53Oh, that feels like a classic Sagittarius.
37:57LAUGHTER
37:59First of all, we said we wouldn't bring this here.
38:02LAUGHTER
38:06I love you, Chris!
38:10Said you were just coming to support me tonight.
38:13LAUGHTER
38:14I mean, why would that be...
38:16Why would that be a bad thing?
38:18LAUGHTER
38:20I think somebody being into star signs is a big red flag for me.
38:26This is going to go down badly.
38:28If you'd made me guess, I'd have guessed you're into star signs, Claudia.
38:32Is that true?
38:33I could burst into two.
38:35LAUGHTER
38:35That's almost the most offensive thing that anybody has ever said to me.
38:41Let's go deep on this.
38:42We want to hear it.
38:42Where is the trauma?
38:43Why do we not like star signs?
38:46This was my last show!
38:49LAUGHTER
38:49I've talked about your podcast!
38:52LAUGHTER
38:57I've done everything I had to do.
39:00I...
39:00Can I say this?
39:02But we won't put it out.
39:03I think people who believe in star signs are sick.
39:08LAUGHTER
39:12LAUGHTER
39:18Oh, my God!
39:21Yes, here we go.
39:22Go on, darling.
39:23My question is, I want to tell people when they're being annoying to help them be less annoying, but then
39:31I look like a bitch.
39:32LAUGHTER
39:33So, what's the best way to handle this?
39:37LAUGHTER
39:37When you say people, how many people are we talking about?
39:41I mean, it happens every day.
39:43Like, there's a lot of people I would like to tell that to.
39:47LAUGHTER
39:48Well, the adage would be, if you meet three arseholes before noon, you're the arsehole.
39:54LAUGHTER
39:56APPLAUSE
40:03It's tough love.
40:05LAUGHTER
40:06Fair enough.
40:07I didn't know it was going to go this way.
40:10LAUGHTER
40:11Would you like a gentler piece of advice?
40:14No, it's all right.
40:16LAUGHTER
40:17I think you've learned something.
40:19LAUGHTER
40:20Me too.
40:21And that's what life's about.
40:23LAUGHTER
40:25I mainly do dick jokes.
40:26OK.
40:28LAUGHTER
40:28No, I like this, Jimmy, as well.
40:30Wow, wow.
40:31What do you do?
40:32I feel like I should...
40:32What do you do?
40:33My best.
40:36LAUGHTER
40:38APPLAUSE
40:41APPLAUSE
40:45What do you do for me?
40:47I'm training to be a therapist.
40:49LAUGHTER
40:50LAUGHTER
40:51I mean...
40:52LAUGHTER
40:53I mean...
40:55I'm not sure if it's the job for you.
40:57LAUGHTER
41:03Anybody else?
41:05Erm...
41:05My question is, what do you think is the meaning of life?
41:13LAUGHTER
41:14LAUGHTER
41:17I like it.
41:19I...
41:19I...
41:19I'm surprised by it.
41:22And let's run with it.
41:23Rafe?
41:25LAUGHTER
41:27LAUGHTER
41:29Erm...
41:32Is that alcohol?
41:34Yes, good, good, good.
41:35LAUGHTER
41:37LAUGHTER
41:46Good friendships.
41:48Enjoyment of food.
41:51Erm...
41:51Acceptance of death.
41:53LAUGHTER
41:54Oh, that's...
41:54Be cool about death.
41:56Be cool about death.
41:57Yeah, that's it.
41:58Wow.
41:58That's really good.
42:03Thank you so much.
42:06OK, we've got one...
42:08One final question.
42:09APPLAUSE
42:10Oh, there we go.
42:11There we go.
42:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:17What's up?
42:20Yes!
42:22Yes!
42:23No!
42:24LAUGHTER
42:34You people are fucking crazy.
42:37LAUGHTER
42:39Yes, you in the pink, Sal.
42:40Oh, my God.
42:43Oh, my God!
42:44Oh, my God!
42:46Oh, my God!
42:50Is that...
42:52Is that how we talk?
42:53Yeah.
42:53Have some respect.
42:54OK.
42:54Go on.
42:55BLOP BLOP BLOP BLOP BLOP BLOP BLOP BLOP BLOP BLOP BLOP BLOP BLOP!
43:00Josh, would you like to answer that, please?
43:02Erm...
43:03I think you should put the perfume bottle in something first.
43:07LAUGHTER
43:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:09APPLAUSE
43:13Thank you so much for watching.
43:15Good night.
43:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:18Mr. Flovie...
43:19LAUGHTER
43:22Oh
43:38From Dorset Beach huts to Royal Navy Mestex Alan Carr leads the search for the next interior design master on
43:44iPlayer and when did fakery stop becoming a flaw and become the operating system of modern life listen to everything
43:50is fake on signs
Comments