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مسلسل Silicon Valley مترجم - Episode 6
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00:06Kidney function, liver function, testosterone. I don't know how you did it, but you have
00:10essentially aged 40 years in the last seven weeks. Wow, really? We had a meth addict in
00:16here this morning who was biologically younger than you are, and he's 58. MySpace guy. So what
00:23is going on? Uh, this is cloud service configuration. I've been stuck on it for over a week.
00:30Loud. I'm a good programmer. I mean, it's the only thing I am good at. I mean, last year
00:34I threw a frisbee and I chipped my tooth. Well, that's more of a dental issue. Yep. Okay,
00:37I, the, the point is, I learned Ruby on Rails over a weekend when I was 17. I should be
00:42able to learn cloud. I have to. May I give you my professional opinion as your doctor? You
00:47should have taken that $10 million from Gavin Belson, okay? But regrets will kill you, so
00:52try not to dwell on it. I tried to tell you.
01:05Outside help? No, we're not getting any outside help. Well, it's a week until TechCrunch, Richard.
01:10We can't wait any longer. Richard, look at the board, okay? Cloud architecture is just a giant
01:16turd that is clogging up our pipes. We have to call in a plumber to fix it. Okay, I hate
01:21that
01:21metaphor, but Ehrlich is right. Killful and I finished the distribution services days ago,
01:26and we're just sitting around waiting for you. I can solve it. Richard, you're a fucking
01:29rock star, okay? You just don't know cloud, this tiny little shitty area, which is becoming
01:36super important and in many ways is the future of computing. That sort of went south on me,
01:43but you understand what I'm saying. I've already talked to Peter Gregory about
01:46insourcing a consultant. I've made contact with a programmer whose cloud architecture is supposed
01:50to be insane. They call him the Carver. The Carver? That black cat guy who apparently hacked into
01:56the Bank of America and took down their entire system? That the Carver? We should get him if we
02:00can. Okay, we can talk to the guy, but I mean, he's really going to have to sell me.
02:14Six months ago, these guys had 35 million in series B financing. Now, the Carver's here doing
02:21teardown. He's basically moving the carcass to the cloud. Don't touch anything. Failure is contagious.
02:31I think that's him. Excuse me, Mr. Carver.
02:39Uh, yeah, uh, people refer to me as the Carver, but no one actually calls me that. It's, uh, what
02:45people call a screen name. You know, I'm Kevin. Okay, Kevin, um, we're from Pied Piper. We spoke
02:53earlier. Yes, you guys are fucked, huh? No, no, we're not fucked. Yes, we are totally fucked. We
02:57have a live demo in one week, and our cloud is in the shitter. That's accurate. Wait, are you
03:01Richard? Yes, I am. Yeah, your, uh, algorithm is solid. It's, uh, really good schema. Okay, thanks.
03:10I did think you'd be younger. And what are you, 25? I'm 26. Yikes. Uh, so I have a Model
03:17UN thing on
03:19Monday, but maybe I could burn through your gig over the weekend. Hmm. You think you can do our
03:24whole job in two days? I know I can do in two days. I pound Mellow Yellow, Oreos, and Adderall,
03:31and I don't sleep until I'm done. Okay. But you know what? I also have an offer to do some
03:36migration to Gidawonk this weekend. It's, uh, it's kind of chill, and frankly, their tech's a little
03:41stronger. Whoa, what? What? You think Gidawonk's tech is stronger than ours? I'm sorry, I don't remember
03:47reading in Pando Daily that Gavin Belson and Peter Gregory were fighting over Gidawonk.
03:52No one offered 10 million dollars to acquire Gidawonk. Yeah, I agree with Richard. You
03:57should come work for us. What's it gonna take, a blowjob? Because Richard will suck the dick
04:02right off of your pelvis. Now you make me laugh, Shaggy man. All right, I'm in. See you guys
04:12Friday. Okay, well done. Excuse me? Hi, um, would you guys be interested in buying some candy so you
04:26can send my church group to camp? Nope. Alec, come on. A hundred bucks says there's no church.
04:32Whole thing's a scam, little scumbags. They're just children. Looks like Gidawonk's lady Satanist
04:37back from the airport. Can you imagine what kind of shit show this one's gonna be? He says
04:41that she has an Amy Winehouse vibe. What does that mean? All tatted up and nowhere to go?
04:45Hooked on Oxycontin. Decomposing. Oh. Okay, that was Tarek.
04:54Gentlemen, this is Tara. Hey. Tara, this is the fellas. Jared, Dinesh,
04:59Ehrlich, and Richard. It's Ehrlich. Well, it's great to finally meet you guys.
05:05Hi. All right. Hmm. Jesus, where did he get Amy Winehouse from? I mean, I'd have sex with
05:13that if you hosed the Guilfoyle off of her. It's weird having a girl in the house. It's a very
05:18strange energy. Hmm. Hello? Kevin. Okay, Richard, I just need you to approve Kevin's fee.
05:36I got Ehrlich to sign, and you should sign right there. $20,000 for two days.
05:42You know who else thought my price was too high? Bitraptor. Who? Exactly.
05:51Great. Peter Gregory is on his way out of town, so I'm gonna hustle out there and get him to
05:56co-sign these and a check, and I'll be back as soon as I can. Thank you.
06:03Are you okay over there? Do you have any questions? Yeah, one question.
06:07Cool. Shit. Why do you keep your lips pressed so tight together when you're not talking?
06:13Because they're, like, white. Looks uncomfortable.
06:29Hey, guys.
06:36Hey, Kevin. Um, so how did you bypass Bank of America's network security? I want details.
06:43My lawyers told me I'm not allowed to discuss it.
06:47Totally get it. That's baller.
07:07Hey, babe.
07:08Hmm?
07:09You're up.
07:12Okay.
07:19All right, I'm gonna go have a shower.
07:21Mm-hmm.
07:25Uh, what was that?
07:27What?
07:28Tara just whispered something to you, and then she looked at me in a weird way.
07:32No, she didn't.
07:34Yeah, she did.
07:36Okay.
07:47Do you know what compersion is?
07:50It's when someone takes pleasure in seeing their loved one gratified by another person.
07:56Sexually.
07:57It's the opposite of jealousy.
07:59It sounds like it's the opposite of normal.
08:01Why are you telling me about this thing?
08:04As shocking as this is, Tara's attracted to you.
08:12Come again?
08:14Yeah, it freaked me out, too.
08:16At first.
08:17I don't like the at first part at all.
08:20What are you saying?
08:21Since I abide by the maxim, do what thou wilt.
08:24That is the whole of the law.
08:26If you want to fuck my girlfriend, I'm okay with her.
08:28Jesus Christ, man.
08:30I could barely sit next to you when you're in your towel.
08:32I don't want to have a threesome with you.
08:34I'm not talking about a threesome.
08:36Listen, I don't even have to be in the room, unless that's better for you.
08:39Okay, no, I don't.
08:44Right, so we're all settled then?
08:46Yep.
08:46Do you need parking validation?
08:48No, I, uh, I use Lyft, so I'll lift it back.
08:52Why don't I have Peter's car take you home?
08:53He's not using it.
08:54We're shipping off to Aralon tomorrow.
08:56Aralon?
08:57Yeah, the island Peter's building.
09:02What's the red line?
09:04That's the international date line.
09:06The island's built right on it, so the western half can celebrate the first New Year's on Earth.
09:10Then the next day, they walk over to the eastern half and celebrate the last New Year's on Earth.
09:14But if you can walk, why does he need the car on the island?
09:17Peter's not really big on walking.
09:20So I'll just have the guys pull it up front for you.
09:22Great.
09:34Oh, driverless car.
09:44Select destination.
09:45Hi, um, I'm going to 5230 Newell Road, Palo Alto.
09:53Route guidance calibrated.
09:55Distance to destination 4.6 miles.
09:58Buckle up, please.
09:59Okay.
10:01Enjoy your ride.
10:07You.
10:08Tar wants to have sex with you?
10:10You sure?
10:12Yeah, Guilford just told me, just to my face.
10:14He told you that Tara wants to copulate with someone else in the house other than him, and that someone
10:18is you?
10:19Dinesh?
10:21Yeah, that's...
10:21You know, you seem confused by this, but for a different reason than I am.
10:25Don't you think it's weird that Tara wants some strange, and she chooses you over me, the logical person in
10:32the house?
10:33Okay, I see where we are ending up on this.
10:35Thank you for your time.
10:36Wait.
10:36Are you sure that she didn't ask Guilfoyle for a Danish, and maybe you misheard her?
10:42You're probably right.
10:42She just wanted to fuck a Danish.
10:45Wait, you just build all the indexes on the fly?
10:47Yeah, of course.
10:49Okay, well, well, then what's that?
10:52Key value store.
10:55Tuples.
10:57Speak English.
10:59English?
11:03You're kind of doing that lip thing again there, buddy.
11:05No, I'm not.
11:07Stop looking at my lips.
11:16Destination override.
11:18New destination, 1 Gregory Drive, air along.
11:22Distance to destination, 4,126 miles.
11:26Enjoy your ride.
11:27Um, what's happening?
11:32Uh, I'm sorry, what?
11:35Mr. Carr?
11:39Hey, Tara and I are going to a satanic baptism.
11:42You want to come?
11:43Stu Burns decided to walk the left-hand path with us.
11:46The database administrator for Yahoo is becoming a satanist.
11:49We're everywhere.
11:50Hey, Ehrlich, are you coming?
11:52Ganesh is.
11:53He is?
11:57This is Monica.
11:58Hi, Monica, it's Jared.
12:00Uh, quick question.
12:00Jared, I can't talk right now.
12:02One of our assistants has been confusing the eastern and western time zones of air along
12:05on work orders.
12:06Now a bunch of important things are happening a day early.
12:09Peter is going to be furious when he finds out.
12:12He's going to make that noise.
12:14Oh, shit, that's him on the other line.
12:16I gotta go.
12:16Oh, wait, Monica, I just...
12:18Hi, Peter.
12:21Hello, Monica?
12:24Um, Carr?
12:25Mr. Carr?
12:26Uh, excuse me.
12:27Errolon is an island, so how are we, um...
12:30Oh, no.
12:30No, no, no, no, no, no.
12:31Stop.
12:31Let me out.
12:34Um...
12:35Mm, um...
12:37Uh, that's not good.
12:38Oh, no, no.
12:40Excuse me, please.
12:43Please, honk.
12:44Please, honk.
12:45No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
12:47No, no, please, please.
12:50Oh, no, that's not good.
12:53Okay, Donald, stay calm.
13:01103 hours to destination.
13:02Entering sleep mode.
13:04What?
13:04Enjoy your ride.
13:05No.
13:06Okay, stay calm, stay calm.
13:07Wait, my phone.
13:09No bars, no bars, no bars, no bars.
13:26I just figured it out.
13:28It all makes sense.
13:29Figured what out?
13:30Why Tara might be in to you more than me.
13:34She's attracted to ugliness.
13:36Oh, fuck.
13:37No, no, think about it.
13:38This is the life that she chooses, right?
13:39I mean, she's attracted to unattractiveness.
13:42Look at all these ugly people.
13:43And Guilfoyle, and now you.
13:44That's ridiculous.
13:45I'm way more attractive than you are.
13:47No, you're not.
13:48Way better looking.
13:49By no metric could you possibly be considered more attractive than me.
13:52You're saying that every woman in the entire world would think you are more attractive than I am?
13:57Yes.
13:58That's...
13:58Unless they're completely fucked up.
14:00Damn it.
14:07You doing okay there?
14:09Yeah.
14:10Yeah.
14:11Fine.
14:11Just, you know, this big orchestration stuff.
14:14A lot of moving parts.
14:16Nothing you need to worry about.
14:17You just focus on the cloud.
14:19I'm here if you need me.
14:38You know what?
14:39Uh, I know it's not what we hired you for, but I am actually having a little trouble with the
14:44data replication in the persistence layer.
14:46Move over.
14:53Oh, Christ.
14:56You know, I'm much more handsome than you are.
14:57Oh, my face is completely symmetrical.
14:59You know what my nickname was when I was a kid?
15:01What?
15:01Pakistani Denzel.
15:03You look nothing like him.
15:04Denzel Washington has a beautiful smile.
15:06You look ridiculous.
15:07Hail Satan.
15:09It is done.
15:10Hail Satan.
15:11It is done.
15:13It's done.
15:17Well, thanks for coming, everyone.
15:19Brother Jason was kind enough to furnish this week's food.
15:24It's Chick-fil-A.
15:25I know they're on the Christian right, but darned if that chicken isn't good.
15:31I think the Dark Lord would understand.
15:34Also, a reminder.
15:36If you parked in the Savon parking lot, they do tow.
15:42Well, I didn't know if you wanted original Oreos or double stuff, so I went a little nutty and I
15:47got both.
15:48How's it?
15:51Kevin?
15:54Hello?
15:57What the fuck?
15:58What are you doing down here?
16:00I did it again.
16:02I did it again.
16:04Did what?
16:04I did it again.
16:09What is this?
16:11Did you overwrite the data schema?
16:14Why would you do this?
16:15You don't ever do this.
16:16That's exactly what they said when I was working at B of A.
16:19Working at B of A?
16:20I thought you hacked in.
16:22No.
16:25I was a consultant at the retail banking services and crashed their entire system.
16:29It took a team of seven engineers more than we'd comb through all the code to find my mistake.
16:34And the only way that I ever avoided being sued was by agreeing to never tell anyone that I work
16:38there.
16:42Oh, fuck.
16:43Oh, fuck what?
16:44I just told you.
16:46Now I could get in trouble.
16:48Trouble?
16:49You just skull-fucked my whole system.
16:52I am going to push you and fuck you.
16:53We don't, like, sacrifice goats or anything.
16:56We're not, like, the Order of the Golden Donners, you know?
17:00Richard?
17:01You okay?
17:02Um, mmm.
17:04Dinesh?
17:04Uh, we may have a slight problem.
17:07The carver just carved up our entire platform.
17:11What the fuck?
17:12Yeah.
17:13The database layers, the application layers, even the chef scripts are fucked.
17:17The little fucker must have hacked into the DDL tables like he did with B of A.
17:20He didn't hack into B of A.
17:21He was consulting there at the time when he took down the system by accident.
17:25Oh, you told them to?
17:27What the fuck?
17:27Richard, why would you let that little fetus access the DDL?
17:31Because I thought that fetus was better than me, and so did you and everybody, and you
17:37just, you pressured me into hiring him.
17:39Yes, Richard, for the cloud, to deploy the cloud.
17:41So that you could do what you do best and concentrate on everything else, which the fetus just fucked
17:46up.
17:46You need to drag this little shit stain out from under this table and have him go through
17:51every single line of code with you to un-fuck it while it's still un-fuckable.
17:55I should not have eaten all of that Satanist chicken.
18:02Okay, and with this one here, did you delete it or just move it?
18:08Hello?
18:09Kevin?
18:10Maybe, I don't know.
18:12What?
18:12What does that mean?
18:13What's wrong with you, man?
18:15I can't focus.
18:16I'm out of Adderall.
18:18Where's that Jared guy who's getting my refill?
18:22That's actually a really good question.
18:24I don't know where he is.
18:35The Carver's Adderall prescription.
18:37I hope that's not a problem.
18:40Dead battery.
18:41That's a problem.
18:42I need to lay down.
18:44What?
18:44No!
18:45You said you could code for 48 hours straight.
18:47I mean, that's like your thing.
18:49Yeah, how the fuck do you think I do that?
18:50Adderall.
18:51Well, we don't have any.
18:54It's really bright in here.
18:55Who takes Adderall anymore?
18:58Half the kids in Palo Alto.
19:03Hey.
19:05Any of you guys currently on Adderall and, you know, want to make $50?
19:39What do you mean it's not Adderall?
19:40It's Adderall.
19:41I know what Adderall looks like.
19:42It's not Adderall.
19:49Uh, excuse me.
19:52Caleb?
19:53There's been some kind of mistake.
19:56Uh, what you sold me was not actually Adderall, so maybe we could...
20:01Do you think he can get me some real Adderall?
20:03Yeah, yeah, of course.
20:04Uh, I could do that or, um, I can give you some of this.
20:10Ow!
20:12Okay, I'm gonna...
20:13You're gonna do what, bitch?
20:15Call the cops on me?
20:16Tell them you got the wrong illegal drugs from a kid?
20:19You dumb piece of shit.
20:20Okay.
20:20Get the fuck out of here.
20:21Uh, you...
20:22Run!
20:23Okay.
20:23Alright, I'm running.
20:24Keep running!
20:53Out.
20:54Out.
20:56Out.
20:56Out.
20:57I'm cutting you.
21:03Stupid!
21:04Uh!
21:07Richard, what's wrong?
21:11Have you been crying?
21:13Hey!
21:14Which one was it?
21:15It was church candy, wasn't it?
21:17You just brought piss to a shit fight, you little co-
21:19Ow!
21:20Whoa!
21:21What?
21:24You get in your fucking house and you give me five Adderall or I'll slit your fucking throat.
21:28You understand? I'll kill your mother. I'll rape your father.
21:31I'll curb stop that little face so hard that your teeth will go flying, you little shit.
21:36Now go, go, go, go, go. Give me five Adderall right now.
21:52Hi. Tara. Hello. Hi.
21:58First of all, so, um, I have thought about it a lot.
22:08To be honest, elements of this arrangement still trouble me.
22:15However, I have not had a lot of sexual experiences, so I feel it may be foolish to turn this
22:23down.
22:25So, as long as Gil Foil is not in the room and I can verify that the door is locked,
22:34then I have concluded that, yes, I would love to have sexual relations with you, Tara.
22:49Yeah.
22:51Uh, what are you talking about?
22:54Gil Foil told me, I know you want to have sex with me.
22:59Gil Foil? Would you come in here for a second?
23:03Um.
23:06Um, did you tell Dinesh that I want to have sex with him?
23:12No.
23:14Oh, wait, yeah, I totally did. I forgot about that. I was really high. I was just fucking with him.
23:19Did he believe me?
23:21Uh.
23:22Did you just present yourself to my woman?
23:25Uh.
23:28Well, that was outstanding.
23:29Oh, my God, that is so mean of you.
23:33Look at how cute he is.
23:35He's adorable. You're adorable.
23:37Don't call me adorable. It's very emasculating.
23:42What kind of fucking idiot listens to what Gil Foil has to say?
23:46Okay, Tara. Here's what it is. If you can tell me to my face that you seriously find Dinesh more
23:52attractive than me, then, and only then, will I concede defeat.
24:00What?
24:06And the regression test is done. Yes.
24:11Yes. It's clear. We all test out.
24:14The system's stable again.
24:15Thank God. Now we can move on to the next module, and I can forget you ever existed.
24:19Hey, can you do me a favor?
24:23Don't tell anyone I cratered this, Ben.
24:25I won't tell anyone I hired you if you won't tell anyone you worked here.
24:28Oh, the B of A deal. Got it.
24:33I'm gonna call my mom and have her pick me up.
24:34Your mom?
24:36Oh, by the way, you owe me $20,000.
24:39What a dick.
24:42You'll have to talk to Jared about that.
24:46Where is Jared?
25:03Excuse me. Can you help me?
25:07Obstacle averted. Resuming operations.
25:10Please be careful.
25:21Please be careful.
25:23Please be careful.
25:25Please be careful.
25:37Okay.
25:42Sailing takes me away.
25:44I'm too rare.
26:05I'm too rare.
26:08I'm too rare.
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