- 13 minutes ago
مسلسل Silicon Valley مترجم - Episode 3
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:06the greatness of human accomplishment has always been measured by size the bigger the better until
00:13now nanotech smart cars small is the new big in the coming months Hooli will deliver Nucleus the
00:25most sophisticated compression software platform the world has ever seen because if we can make
00:30your audio and video files smaller we can make cancer smaller and hunger and AIDS what an asshole
00:40why would he announce it so far ahead of the actual rollout no one does that he's gonna be doing
00:45it
00:45just to fuck with us right I actually think we're okay the player I gave them was from a retired
00:49repository that was audio only video compression is a completely different paradigm what they have
00:53is like Pied Piper but not as good people will see that not if they get to market before us
00:58inferior
00:59products went out all the time like Jesus over Satan I was gonna say VHS over beta okay well
01:06actually this is a superior product right here is it a margarita machine it's better my first
01:13official purchase as CEO of Pied Piper that's not really our logo is it it looks like a guy sucking
01:20a dick and he's got another dick tuck behind his ear for later like a snack dick no it's it's
01:25it's
01:26Pied Piper here put them on guilt foil come on I don't want it Jared I uh bought these t
01:32-shirts
01:32with my credit card but I think I'm close to being maxed out so yeah um we may have a
01:37little problem
01:38there Peter Gregory's check so so it's made out to Pied Piper Incorporated I checked with the Secretary
01:44of State website and there's already a Pied Piper operating in California so we need to change our
01:49name oh thank God yeah praise the dark Lord that's great news no it's not great news we love the
01:54name
01:54Pied Piper it's a classic fairy tale well I've looked it up it's about a predatory flout is to
01:59murder children in a cave it has all that going for it Richard and I still hate it Richard if
02:04we are
02:04going to change the name we need to do it now name stick my name's only Jared because Gavin called
02:10me that on my first day my real name is Donald but Jared we already bought the t-shirts I
02:16can't take
02:16these back it was an online order what is that atrocity what are we an Irish pornography company
02:21I thought we were gonna replace the name Pied Piper I thought it was just a placeholder placeholder
02:25would honestly be a better name than Pied Piper Richard I've actually been holding off telling
02:30people that I'm the co-founder of Pied Piper because frankly it's a little embarrassing okay
02:36well um just to remind you you you aren't are not the co-founder so please don't tell anyone
02:42Richard take Aviato that's not a name that I found it's a name that found me on a vision quest
02:48something that you should do no no I'm not gonna eat a bunch of drugs and sit out in the
02:52desert and
02:53hope to name randomly pops in my head well then I question your leadership Richard a name defines a
02:59company it has to be something primal something that you can scream out during intercourse like
03:05aviato exactly right Pied Piper I'm so sorry your voice doesn't really reach that register when you
03:26ejaculate does it no it's just everyone is doing it let's just chime in you guys we can't change our
03:47name I can't go into Peter Gregory's office with a new name and ask him to cut me a new
03:50check I mean
03:51he's pulled funding from companies for a lot less well uh the Pied Piper name and trademark are
03:56registered to a sprinkler company in Gilroy I guess you could head out there and talk to them but
04:00okay yeah they refuse no no no I'll negotiate with them no offense Richard but you're not a strong
04:05negotiator I'm a great negotiator Dinesh you're a terrible negotiator I'm a decent negotiator
04:10just so oh Peter you're here uh-huh we were supposed to meet 40 minutes ago with the guys from
04:19Astrophile
04:20about the emergency capital injection as we discussed uh our North Carolina plant went sideways
04:26so we need 15 million now or we'll have to shut down
04:32have any of you ever eaten at Burger King
04:40yes why well I was just driven past one and while I know their market cap is seven billion dollars
04:49plus
04:49I realize I am unfamiliar with their offerings okay fine but what does that have to do is it
04:56popular among your peers is it enjoyed people seem to like it that's okay and their selection
05:04consists solely of these burgers of which they are presumably king they have other things chicken
05:13fish I'm sorry what what are we doing here here is what we will do Monica have one of the
05:20assistants
05:20go to the nearest Burger King location and purchase one of everything
05:31hey Dinesh Dinesh I'm on the phone with the bank and they say they need an extra form for your
05:36payroll
05:37because of your visa visa what visa I'm a fucking U.S. I have Dinesh Chayktay here and he's pretty
05:42irate
05:45because oh I see Bertram Guilfoyle is the foreign national citizen of Canada okay thank you
05:54you're Canadian your borders are merely a construct I prefer to think of myself as a citizen of the
06:00world do you mind just sending them the form though so that they know you're here legally
06:03yes I mind and also I may not be to wit maybe you could make out my checks to cash
06:09or bitcoin I didn't know I was working with an illegal the irony
06:16well sometimes we do center pivot but mainly we do lineal like you see out there
06:21what is it your business does again something to do with algebra uh algorithm actually uh it's for
06:30compression ultimately what we're trying to do is uh well I guess you remind me of my son
06:37he's got Asperger's too oh no I don't know how they all those pesticides they put on the crops
06:44well whatever it is your business does I don't think it's going to interfere with my irrigation
06:49company here I'm thinking about getting in another line of work anyway all these foreigners coming
06:55over here putting pieces of shit like that all over the good farmland around here also people can sit
07:01around stare at their phones all day nobody jerks off the magazines anymore
07:12uh well actually that is a server farm uh what we do compression would mean fewer of those because
07:19we'd save a lot of memory space really yeah well I'm all for that believe me
07:25I'll tell you what you can have the name for thousand dollars how's that sound uh that sounds great yeah
07:36cool
07:41oh tremors too huh just like my boy
07:54go for a look this is richard hendrix ceo of pied piper that's right you guys said I was a
07:59bad
07:59negotiator but I closed it we got a name tell everyone you know oh all right you don't sound
08:06that impressed no no I am I just uh now we're pied piper so later
08:17here you go let's drink a lot of margaritas huh we will now I have a startup that just got
08:22funded
08:22so this is kind of a gift for my guys to celebrate
08:27good luck with that you'll need it too when this town kicks you in the balls okay let me get
08:31the door
08:31for you sure I had three stops myself and I couldn't get those sandhill road morons to fund
08:36any of them cowards my last company was genius you ever been lost in a parking lot before uh see
08:42what my app would do was use existing avl technology right so you would just type in the vin number
08:48and
08:48if your car didn't have avl capabilities you would just type in like what section of the parking lot
08:52you were in like p3 or ground 7 it's so you just you just write down what section of the
08:57parking
08:57lot you're in I mean why do you need an app for that so you can remember where you parked
09:01right
09:01uh but why don't you just write it down on a piece of paper well yeah but this is for
09:06your phone
09:06okay so it's just sort of like notepad exactly see yeah you get it I get it why can't all
09:12those
09:12fucking vcs pussies man oh there we go thanks
09:28this is which one the bk double stacker fascinating peter I know that you are incredibly
09:37busy with this but I made a personal promise to the astrophile guys that none of their employees
09:44would lose their job which will happen at midnight do you see this the junior whopper no not the
09:52sandwich this seed atop the breading those are sesame seeds a high number of these breadings have
10:12sesame seeds they only grow in certain microclimates peter I know that you don't want to cause 173 people in
10:23North Carolina cicadas
10:35hey it's our own personal Herb Cohen who Herb Cohen he's a famous negotiator wrote a bunch of textbooks no
10:44what have you seen the blogs no
10:47Erlich went ham on all the tech sites he had tech crunch recode and pando daily listen to what Carol
10:52Swisher says
10:53individually says Erlich Bachmann
10:55we are formidable but when you combine our portfolios
10:58Peter Gregory and I account for billions of dollars in assets
11:02we at Pied Piper look forward to giving
11:04Gavin Belson and the donkeys at Nucleus
11:07a run for their money
11:08what a dick
11:12Scott with the name
11:14hello Arnold
11:15cut the shit
11:16I just read recode.net
11:18you read recode
11:19I do when my customers tell me the name of my companies all over the internet
11:23but you probably think I'm just out here shitting in a hole and wiping with my hand
11:27no no no I don't think you do that
11:29do people think you do that
11:30do you do that
11:31no no no
11:32I'm not falling for that phony mumbly mouth googly eyed routine again
11:36if you're this tech billionaire
11:38why did I give you the name Pied Piper for next to nothing
11:41you played me
11:43you want the name it's gonna cost you 250 grand
11:46okay
11:46I think you just need to talk to the guy who said all that and he can clear it up
11:50for you
11:50where's Erlich
11:51he's outside with the intern
11:53what intern
11:54you got interns
11:55we might as well have interns we hire illegal aliens
11:58what
11:58no no we don't have either of those things
12:01I'll tell you what asshole
12:02you use the name Pied Piper again
12:04I'm gonna call my lawyer and we're gonna sue the shit out of you
12:08fucking billionaires
12:09Arnold
12:10Arnold hello
12:12that sounded suboptimal
12:13yeah it was
12:15hey Jared you know who else is Canadian
12:17Justin Bieber
12:18the Hitler of music
12:19do you have a problem with me being Canadian
12:21I do actually
12:23do you have any idea how long it took me to become a citizen
12:26that'd take you a long time
12:27glad I didn't do it then
12:28typical lazy immigrant
12:31these people think they can just walk into this country
12:33I did just walk into this country
12:35my car broke down on the ambassador bridge
12:37took me an extra 15 minutes to get across the border
12:40major asshole
12:42you know um
12:43Hitler actually played the bassoon
12:46so technically Hitler was
12:48the Hitler of music
12:55I don't understand
12:56I thought you'd close the name
12:57well I guess it's still a little ajar
12:59I don't know
13:00who am I
13:00Herb Cohen
13:01I don't know who that is
13:03neither do I
13:03that's a
13:04that's a Jared thing
13:05hey
13:06make sure to clean off all the gunk
13:08off the front bumper okay
13:09since
13:09when do we have an intern program
13:11we don't
13:12and when Keith finds that out
13:14it's gonna be a very
13:15valuable business lesson for him
13:16wait
13:17what those are my Pied Piper shirts
13:18are you Richard?
13:20yeah
13:20yes
13:22okay
13:23look I
13:23I fucked up
13:24what do we do now?
13:26who's we?
13:27this morning you rudely reminded me
13:28that I wasn't a founder of the company
13:30now you want me to hold your hand
13:31and help you out?
13:32I don't think so sister
13:33this credit card is no good
13:36decline
13:38great
13:38great
13:39that stupid margarita machine
13:40maxed me out
13:41so now the CEO of Pied Piper
13:43can't even afford to buy lunch
13:44yeah I don't think we can use that name anymore
13:52dude dude
13:53hey
13:54I owe you a big apology man
13:56I had no idea who you were before
13:58and I read all this coverage
13:59about your company online
14:00and I was like
14:01hey
14:02Pied Piper
14:02I met this dude
14:03he came to the store
14:04and told me that my parking app
14:05was fucking awesome
14:07I did
14:08yeah
14:08so my mom was like
14:09wow really
14:09you should really pursue it
14:12and I was like
14:12yeah I should
14:13the parking app
14:14so she decides
14:16to get a reverse mortgage
14:17on her home
14:18and write me a check
14:19so I'm funded
14:21because of you man
14:23I was this close to giving up
14:25and now you gave me my dream back
14:27hey Ron
14:28you see this guy
14:30this billionaire here
14:31he's the reason why I'm quitting
14:36ah well
14:37you've helped me so much
14:39what can I
14:40do for you
14:43well
14:43I need to return this machine
14:45because I am broke
14:46and I need money for food
14:54just a quick question
14:56is this going to be
14:58a cash return
14:59or just credit
15:00back to the card
15:03all right
15:04what about smaller
15:05spelled S
15:07M
15:07L
15:08L
15:09R
15:09you know
15:09because we make things smaller
15:11and this would be like
15:12a smaller version
15:13of the word smaller
15:14looks like smeller
15:15okay
15:17what if we spell it
15:20S
15:21M
15:21L
15:22R
15:23because then that's
15:24that's an even smaller version
15:26of the word smaller
15:27so that it looks like smiler
15:28we're not going to kick this shit out of Nucleus with smiler
15:32where's Richard
15:32why isn't he in here for this
15:33I think he's out back
15:34wishing he'd taken the 10 million dollars
15:36no
15:37I just saw him in his room
15:38wishing he had taken the 10 million dollars
15:43you know smiler is also something
15:44that guys call women's assholes
15:48Richard
15:48why aren't you in there
15:49coming up with new names
15:51I don't want a new name
15:53I want Pied Piper
15:54but apparently
15:55I can't have that
15:56so now I have to come up with a new name
15:59and take that to Peter Gregory
16:00and ask for a new check
16:01he's going to pull our funding
16:03Gavin Belson is going to crush us
16:05and we will be ruined
16:06because I have no idea
16:07what I'm doing
16:08neither did Zuckerberg
16:09when he was running Facebook at 19
16:11you think he had any real world business experience
16:14no
16:14none
16:15but he was such a tough negotiator
16:17that now
16:18all of his friends are suing him
16:19I mean how awesome is that
16:21and Steve Jobs
16:22he just took a shit ton of hallucinogens
16:24what a coincidence
16:25maybe something that you could actually do
16:28I'm not going on some fucking vision quest
16:30okay so let me get this straight
16:31you would rather do nothing than something
16:33because all the guys in the other room
16:35coming up with shitty names
16:36like smallulator
16:37are at least doing something
16:40fine
16:41I'll just do it myself
16:43I'll be back in 24 to 72 hours
16:45have a cold pitcher of water
16:46and some orange slices ready for me
16:49you know what
16:49I'm really going to go for this motherfucker
16:51so you better have some grapefruit ready too
16:53I'm going to come back with a name so amazing
16:55that Peter Gregory will write us 10 checks
16:57what about dwarfism 2.0
17:01where's dwarfism 1.0
17:03just in the world
17:04oh
17:05it's prejudice
17:06that's heartfelt
17:07you're really terrible
17:08I'm sorry
17:08small come back now
17:10are you here?
17:12interesting
17:14hey
17:15that is not Cherry Garcia
17:16sorry Guilfoyle
17:18company business
17:20and who's hiding drugs?
17:22shocker
17:23it's the illegal immigrant
17:31what about
17:32minimized
17:33like minimized
17:34but mine
17:42hello
17:42hello Mr. Garris
17:44yes this is Richard
17:45from the company that is
17:46rightly called Pied Piper
17:49that's right
17:50no
17:50no
17:51no
17:51you listen to me
17:53okay
17:53we had a handshake deal
17:54and that may not mean a lot to you
17:56but where I come from
17:57that means a whole
17:58lot
17:59okay
17:59you agreed to sell me that name
18:01for a thousand dollars
18:01so let me ask you this
18:03are you an honest man
18:04or are you a goddamn liar?
18:08okay
18:09yes
18:09same address
18:11good
18:12yeah
18:12great
18:13see you then
18:14dude
18:14that was fucking bad ass
18:17what did he say?
18:18he said he was gonna
18:19get in his truck
18:20drive down here
18:21and beat the living shit out of me
18:22why did you say that was your address?
18:24say any other address?
18:25I don't know
18:26he's got a very powerful voice
18:27what are we gonna do?
18:29if you keep screaming your name
18:31it forces the assailant to acknowledge you as a human
19:00it forces the assailant to acknowledge you as a human
19:015.35 p.m. and I've ingested the psilocybin
19:04I've started the countdown timer
19:06and I'll be reaching Sonora and Nirvana
19:09in approximately
19:13oh fuck
19:24oh shit
19:28he's here
19:28that's him
19:30he came
19:32should I call 911?
19:33no that's a pussy move
19:34yeah it's a pussy move
19:36shh shh shh
19:36just shush
19:38stay here until he goes away
19:39please
19:40okay
19:42I'm looking for Pied Piper
19:44you know where it is?
19:45this is a Pied Piper
19:46no no no no
19:48it's a company
19:49like big big office
19:51do you know where that is?
19:54this
19:55here
19:56Pied Pied Pied Pied
19:57no
19:59ah
20:00hi Arnold
20:03I'm Richard
20:04I'm Richard
20:05I'm Richard
20:06Donald
20:07Richard
20:07Richard
20:08Richard
20:09Richard
20:09Richard
20:10I'm Richard
20:10I'm Richard
20:11Guilfoyle
20:12my name is Richard
20:12Guilfoyle
20:13Jared
20:13Richard
20:14Guilfoyle
20:15King Yang
20:15Richard
20:16King Yang
20:17King Yang
20:18Sysbit
20:21Digital Solutions
20:23integrating open data spaces
20:27yeah
20:29Techbit data solution systems
20:33creating unique cross-platform technologies
20:40technologies
20:42technologies
20:44oh fuck
20:48so this is Pied Piper
20:49this is a billion dollar company
20:52not even close
20:53not yet
20:54they pack a lot of guys in here
20:56reminds me of when I started Pied Piper in my garage
21:01I kind of miss those days
21:03oh yeah
21:05I'll tell you what
21:06five thousand bucks and the name is yours
21:10well
21:11thing is we agreed on a thousand
21:14fine
21:15four grand
21:16not
21:17that's not the deal
21:19we shook on it
21:20two thousand
21:20final offer
21:22we can do two
21:23that's reasonable
21:24no we can't do two
21:25Jared
21:26it's not reasonable at all
21:27look
21:27we shook hands on a thousand dollars
21:29that's the deal
21:31okay
21:32a grand
21:34but you gotta throw in some gas money
21:36I drove all the way out here
21:37to come kick my ass
21:39okay
21:39you know what
21:40five hundred
21:41that's the deal
21:43five hundred
21:44fuck this
21:45no no no no
21:46we don't have to
21:46we can keep it at the original
21:48thousand dollars
21:49so let's
21:53okay
21:54you got a deal
21:55all right
21:56cool
21:57we got a name
21:59Infotrode
22:00cloud-based disruptive platforms
22:02disrupting the cloud
22:04oh
22:04I said cloud twice
22:06shit
22:06making the world a better place
22:08through
22:09cross-platform
22:11business-facing
22:12cloud
22:13there's that
22:14shit
22:14there's that cloud again
22:15Infotrode
22:16Infotrode
22:17what the fuck is Infotrode
22:18what is that
22:19it's all just fucking meaningless words
22:21okay
22:22no no no no no no
22:23making making the world a better place
22:25making the world a better place
22:28making the world a better place
22:30making the world a better place
22:32making the world a better place
22:33making the world a better place
22:33I'm making the world a better place
22:37I'm making the world a better place
22:43making the world a better place
22:44making the world a better place
22:47making the world a better place
22:49making the world a better place
22:51It's making the world a better place.
22:53No, I told you we were going to handle it.
22:56Mr. Gregory, this is ridiculous.
22:58Mr. Gregory, we need an answer, and we need it now.
23:03Yes?
23:04We need money now.
23:06And I'm sure that Burger King and Sesame Seeds
23:08and whatever else you've been mumbling about in here
23:10all seem lovely to think about, but they have...
23:12Myanmar and Brazil.
23:14No, no, no more of this, okay?
23:16Are we getting the money or not?
23:18Will you please just tell us what the hell is going on?
23:22Amusing coincidence that two of the three countries
23:26that provide the world sesame seeds
23:27have such large cicada populations, no?
23:31The cicadas of Myanmar emerge every 13 years,
23:35while the Brazilian cicadas emerge every 17.
23:38Next year, they will hatch simultaneously
23:41for the first time in 221 years.
23:46Crops from both countries will be decimated.
23:49Unlike Myanmar and Brazil,
23:51Indonesia has no cicada population.
23:55I was surprised to see Indonesian sesame seed futures
23:59priced so low.
24:01I made a purchase.
24:03And now, if the shortage spikes the global price
24:06even 10%,
24:07we'll profit...
24:09Evan?
24:11$6 to $8 million.
24:12If you wish, I could tap that projected revenue
24:16and make you a bridge loan
24:17of $15 million, gentlemen.
24:20Unless you need more?
24:21No, that's...
24:22Thank you, holy shit.
24:25Happy?
24:26See?
24:26I told you he was taking care of it.
24:28And now,
24:30would anyone like some BK?
24:34Evan was kind enough to go out and get breakfast,
24:36it's just sitting here.
24:37Actually, I'd love some.
24:39Thank you so much.
24:44Is there cumin
24:45in this barbecue sauce?
24:49I will definitely find out.
24:51Please do.
24:59Gentlemen,
25:00we just got back from the bank.
25:02Our first deposit slip.
25:04We are officially Pied Piper.
25:06And I am officially legal.
25:07Dinesh wouldn't have shut the hell up,
25:09so we finally went to the visa office.
25:11Took me five minutes.
25:12Took me five years.
25:13They asked me about Al-Qaeda like 14 times.
25:16He literally got it
25:17while I was still looking for parking.
25:21Hello?
25:22Is this Pied Piper?
25:24It is now,
25:24but we're not taking any follow-on investors
25:26at this point.
25:28Investors?
25:28No.
25:29This is Kelsey
25:30from the Arco station out on 108.
25:32Someone smeared your name
25:33and number in shit
25:35on my bathroom wall.
25:36Uh, I think you may have the wrong number.
25:38Richie.
25:41Oh, hey, guys.
25:43Uh, hi.
25:45Who is this?
25:46You're not going to believe this,
25:47but this is me.
25:48Time is a sphere,
25:49and I've been reincarnated
25:50during the same time period
25:52in which I exist.
25:53Yes, but where did he come from?
25:54From the future,
25:56obviously.
25:56Also from a parking lot
25:58at a gas station in Sonora.
26:00He ate the whole bag of gold caps.
26:03Awesome.
26:05Erlich,
26:06venga conmigo.
26:07Mi casa es...
26:09Mi casa.
26:13So,
26:14should I call the cops now
26:16before anyone else does?
26:17I just got an Amber Alert
26:18for Virgilio Nunez.
26:21Yeah, okay.
26:22Someone plays a soul on a saxophone
26:26No, you've never seen somebody
26:28throw their head so slow
26:30And I'll sing the cringe in your lips
26:32And drop a E that way
26:34Stretch a dog and it's easy
26:36And it might do the same
26:38Hey, love it
26:39Hey, love it
26:40Hey, love it
26:41Hey, love it
26:42Hey, love it
26:43Hey, love it
26:44Hey, love it
26:45Hey, love it
27:13Hey, love it
27:23Hey, love it
27:24Hey, love it
27:24Hey, love it
27:25Hey, love it
27:25Hey, love it
27:25Hey, love it
27:25Hey, love it
Comments