- 3 days ago
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00:08Here we go.
00:48Has this ever happened to you?
01:04From today, dialling 999 won't get you the emergency services, and that's not the only thing
01:11that's changing.
01:13Nicer ambulances, faster response times and better looking drivers mean they're not just
01:18the emergency services, they're your emergency services.
01:21So remember the new number.
01:32MUSIC PLAYS
01:36That's...
01:37MUSIC PLAYS
01:48Hello.
01:50I've heard a bit of a tumble.
01:52What?
01:52Well, that's easy to remember.
01:560118-999-8819-9119-7253
02:05Otherwise you just couldn't keep it as it was.
02:07How hard is it to remember 911?
02:09You mean 999.
02:10I mean 999.
02:11That's the American one.
02:12Yeah.
02:13You berk.
02:14Come on, are you ready?
02:16No, honestly, honestly, it's fine.
02:18And there are so many shoes in the world.
02:20You know, they are beautiful.
02:21I love them.
02:21In fact, they're the most beautiful shoes we've ever seen.
02:24But, you know, I can't have everything that I love, otherwise I'd own lots of things.
02:27And actually they're red, which is quite tarty and I don't necessarily go with any of my
02:30outfits.
02:31Shhh.
02:32Come on, you crazy bitch.
02:33Come on.
02:36Come on.
02:36Denim's called a general.
02:38Oh, God!
02:38Another one!
02:39I bet he declares war on something.
02:42He loves declaring war.
02:45I can see that got your attention.
02:56What am I declaring war on?
02:58My bollocks.
03:01Stress!
03:04Stress is a disease, people.
03:06And I am the cure.
03:08I'm a doctor with the cure.
03:10No, I'm not, I'm a general.
03:11And it's still a war.
03:12A war on disease.
03:13Stress!
03:16There's too much stress around here.
03:18They're very expensive.
03:20And besides a woman in the shop, so they're way too small for me.
03:23So, you know, be practical.
03:24In the time I've been speaking, over 80 million people have died of stress.
03:34That's another one.
03:36That's another one.
03:38More.
03:40Mayhem!
03:41We've got to deal with it.
03:48Are you ready to deal with it?
03:50No.
03:51Say, I hate stress.
03:52I hate stress.
03:53No!
03:53You didn't let me finish.
03:55Say, I hate stress.
03:56And I want a limited influence in my life.
03:59What can I do about it?
04:00Anyone?
04:02Have a bath.
04:04Have a bath?
04:06Get a bike!
04:08I cycle to work every day.
04:1070 miles!
04:11Both here and here are as red as a fire engine.
04:15Any other ideas?
04:19Jen, what about you?
04:21Shoes.
04:22What?
04:23Shoes.
04:24What?
04:25Shoes.
04:27What?
04:48Good.
04:50Good.
04:51Good people.
04:51Oh, by the way, anyone still experiencing stress at the end of the day will be fired!
05:00It's not going on.
05:01Yeah, I think it is, though.
05:02Just angle it a bit more.
05:03Are you sure you're a five?
05:05I'm not a liar.
05:06Yeah, but, I mean, I can't...
05:07Good.
05:09Yeah, just...
05:10I can feel the hill going into the shoe.
05:11Just angle it a bit more.
05:13There is no angle that I could...
05:14Don't let me push you away.
05:15Just lean in with the shoe.
05:16Lean in with the shoe.
05:18I can't...
05:18No!
05:20No!
05:22No!
05:22No!
05:23No!
05:24No!
05:24No!
05:25No!
05:25No!
05:26No!
05:31We've been here for half an hour.
05:33The shoes aren't going on.
05:35They are two sizes too small.
05:37And even if they did go on, they would cripple you.
05:40You don't want that, do you?
06:00I myself have been subject to some terrible rages.
06:05Yes.
06:06Erm, I'm sorry.
06:07Is this a stress class?
06:09Oh, yeah.
06:09Come on in.
06:12Mars!
06:14This is it in the air!
06:16Mars!
06:29Sir.
06:32Erm...
06:33Sorry.
06:53I...
06:54I...
06:56I...
06:57I...
07:10you...
07:15Are you all?
07:18As I was saying, I myself have been subject to some terrible rages
07:23where I've snapped at my wife or spoken harshly to a work colleague
07:28because of stress.
07:30In fact, just thinking about it now, I realise I'm raising my voice.
07:35So I'm sorry.
07:39Stress is the main cause of heart attacks.
07:42And even a little bit...
07:44Well, let me show you what stress can do.
07:53I'm going to need a volunteer.
07:56Yes, come on up.
08:01That's fine. Can I have your left hand there?
08:03On the back. And just relax there.
08:06I'm going to ask you a very personal question.
08:10There we are, you see?
08:11It's all right, I'm not going to ask you anything at all.
08:13That's just to show how little is needed to send our stress levels shooting up.
08:18Just a simple statement like that has registered very strongly on the display.
08:21Yes, another volunteer?
08:22Yeah.
08:23OK, I'll look.
08:25Oh, my God!
08:26Oh, very good!
08:28Yes!
08:28Right on!
08:29Look at that!
08:30Brilliant!
08:31Brilliant!
08:32Excellent!
08:32It's a super machine!
08:42Wow, great shoes!
08:45I really envy women with dainty feet.
08:48What are you?
08:49A five?
08:50Gah!
08:55Well, just a little misunderstanding there, I should imagine.
08:59So, let's move on.
09:01Whoa!
09:02I actually haven't had a proper go yet.
09:04I don't think that that should count, what's happened there.
09:07Actually, I don't think that's fair.
09:09I would like a go, and I think Roy should be punished for nearly killing that lady.
09:12We'll move on.
09:13Well, I think I should go first.
09:14I think so.
09:15Well, let's move on.
09:16When did you grow your weed?
09:17We're going to move on.
09:18Now, we're going to be very old.
09:19We're going to be standing there.
09:20Can we just move on?
09:21Are you old?
09:22Are you very old?
09:23Let's move on!
09:25Oh, shut up!
09:31What are you eating?
09:33Muffin.
09:33A muffin?
09:34How can you be hungry?
09:35You ate a whole chicken at the stress buffet.
09:39What's that?
09:40Oh, I've made a stress machine to try out on myself, like the one in that class.
09:44Watch this.
09:46I'm going to ask myself a very personal question.
09:52Don't worry.
09:53I'm not really going to ask myself any questions.
09:57They're good.
09:59Not as good as the one in the stress class.
10:22The shoes!
10:26What was all that about?
10:28Well, like all women, she's shoe mad.
10:30It's a bit sexist, isn't it?
10:32Do you know one woman who isn't obsessed with shoes?
10:35No, but I only know one woman.
10:36And she just left the room shouting,
10:38The shoes!
10:42The shoes!
10:48AHHHHH!
11:01The needle's freaking out!
11:08Try not to hurt yourself.
11:14Boss?
11:15Eh?
11:16Did you use a soldering iron to make that stress machine?
11:19Yes.
11:20You turned it off?
11:21Oh, I'm fairly sure I did.
11:25Because you remember what happened last time, right?
11:28Yes, that was very funny.
11:31Yes, that was very funny.
11:31Well, no, no.
11:33It was very dangerous and someone nearly died.
11:36Right, no.
11:38Yeah, I was thinking of a different incident.
11:39The one on the golf course.
11:41What?
11:43I'm talking about the fire.
11:45Oh, yeah, fire.
11:46Sorry.
11:46I always get mixed up between golf and fire.
11:49Just make sure it's off.
11:51It is off, I think.
11:53Well, just make sure it is.
11:55I will make sure it is.
11:57And if it's already off?
12:02I'll just walk away.
12:07Hey, get off my back.
12:08What is he, the soldering iron police?
12:14It's off.
12:15That means I turn it on and just walk away.
12:33Oh, yeah, it's all right.
12:50I meant four! I mean five! I mean fire!
13:02Now, let's see what we have here.
13:05Stand upright.
13:09Now, I can't read it.
13:11Oh, not me. I am a giddy goat.
13:16OK. Remove safety clip.
13:21Don't look at my feet!
13:22Fire? Fire?
13:27Aim nozzle at base of fire.
13:36That is typical.
13:40Why has it done that?
13:51I'll just put this over here with the rest of the fire.
14:04But what am I taking place for?
14:24No!
14:26I know.
14:28Yeah.
14:32Subject, fire.
14:34Dear Sir-Stroke-Madam,
14:36I'm writing to inform you of a fire
14:38which has broken out at the premises of...
14:41No, that's too formal.
14:46Dear Sir-Stroke-Madam,
14:49fire!
14:51Fire!
14:53Exclamation mark.
14:53Exclamation mark.
14:54Help me.
14:55Exclamation mark.
14:56One, two, three, Carondon Road.
14:59Looking forward to hearing from you.
15:01All the best, Maurice Moss.
15:08What are you wearing size five shoes for, woman?
15:11You're at least an eight.
15:12Eight?
15:13How dare you?
15:15That foot is completely mangled.
15:17And the other one's even worse.
15:20You're not wearing these again.
15:22I threw away my other shoes.
15:24What am I supposed to wear?
15:38Hello?
15:39Hello?
15:41Can I go in the machine now?
16:01Oh, hello again.
16:02Oh, hi.
16:08Please thank Yamamoto-san for this fine ceremonial sword.
16:12It is a magnificent symbol of our new merger.
16:15I am sorry that my gift, a huge pair of Doc Martins, with extremely thick and heavy soles, is so
16:25paltry in comparison.
16:30Please rest assured that my cultural advisor will be fired as soon as this meeting is over.
16:45This is a very heavy shoe.
16:46Yes.
16:47Ah.
16:49He feels like a Godzilla.
16:53Does he?
16:54Godzilla.
16:55Go on.
16:55Stamp your feet.
16:57Clap him, man.
16:58Good.
17:00Jack loves it.
17:01Go on.
17:03Break something.
17:07Put your weight into it.
17:12You idiots!
17:15What are you doing?
17:16You stupid little .
17:19What do you think you're a big man?
17:22.
17:22Shoes.
17:23You're nothing but a .
17:26.
17:27.
17:27.
17:32.
17:43.
17:44.
17:53I am so sorry, dinner.
17:57That was quite a tirade, Jen.
17:59It would have been even worse if Paul hadn't been so quick on the profanity buzzer.
18:03Well done, Paul. You're back on the payroll.
18:06As for you, you're fucked up.
18:09Shouting at japs, mad feet, both classic signs of stress.
18:13And you know how I feel about stress.
18:15Go to your office and wait for me.
18:27Oh, weirdest thing just happened.
18:31Fire! Fire!
18:33I sent an email. It's fine.
18:35An email? It's a fire!
18:37Where? Where's the percentile of a single shot?
18:42How?
18:44Made in Britain.
18:46This is just like the golf incident.
18:48You mean the fire incident?
18:49I mean the fire incident. Of course I mean the fire incident.
18:52What have you got there?
18:53Oh, I'm in trouble. I'm in real trouble.
18:54Help me get my shoes on. I've got to get my shoes on.
18:56Help me get my shoes on before Denim comes.
18:58Denim's coming?
18:59Yeah, and he's going to fire fire fire!
19:02I've taken care of it.
19:04I have to say, I feel a little bit insulted by the lack of faith you both display.
19:09What happened to your feet?
19:10What is this?
19:11I think a fire in the office demands a little more attention than my feet, don't you?
19:16How did you get the stress machine, Roy?
19:17Um, don't really know. Met Dr. Holmes by the lifts.
19:23Wasn't he nice? I thought he was a lovely man.
19:25Yeah, I thought he was a delight.
19:27But I met him there by the lifts and he just went mental.
19:32Uh-huh.
19:33And one thing led to another and I just stole it.
19:37You stole it?
19:39Yeah!
19:40But that's stealing!
19:43Yeah, didn't know what a stress machine was this morning and now we have two of them.
19:47I hate to remind everyone, but I just destroyed a merger that probably took hundreds of years to set up.
19:53The office is on fire. Denim is furious.
19:55Can we please, please concentrate on what's important and help me out with my shoes!
20:00Don't you get into trouble?
20:02Empty.
20:04Ah, got a little bit there.
20:07Oh, great! No, no, great!
20:09No, these are a size five.
20:11What are you, eight and a half?
20:13Shut up.
20:14Come on, push in!
20:16Push it all! Don't let me push you away!
20:18Is it in?
20:18Like, come on!
20:20Push it all! Go!
20:21Whoa!
20:22Oh, God!
20:24Oh, the eel went right through!
20:26Oh, my God, it hurts so much!
20:28Oh, God!
20:29Oh, no, I'm bleeding!
20:31Jen!
20:32Where are you, Jen?
20:33It's Denim.
20:34What?
20:36Hide the stress machine!
20:38The stress machine?
20:39What about the fire?
20:40OK, put the stress machine in Jen's room!
20:43He'll never go in there!
20:43But what if he does?
20:44It doesn't matter! He won't know what it is!
20:46I can't go to prison, Roy!
20:48They'll rape the flip out of me!
20:54You stole him by the door!
20:55I stole him.
20:56How?
20:57I don't know! Use your womanly ways!
20:59OK, hold on!
20:59OK, Mark, pass me that monitor, the broken one!
21:04There you are!
21:06Hello there.
21:07It's no use being womanly with me, Jen!
21:10You're in big trouble!
21:13Nice screensaver!
21:17Thank you!
21:21Aha!
21:22A stress machine!
21:24Just what we need!
21:26Roll up your sleeves, Jen!
21:27Let's get this over.
21:31It's a one-way ticket to Slammertown for us, Roy, with no return ticket!
21:38I really am losing quite a lot of blood!
21:42You understand this is your last chance.
21:44If the needle goes beyond here, you will be fired.
21:47Does that make you feel stressed?
21:50Jen!
21:50Does it?
21:52No!
21:52Are you sure?
21:53Are you sure?
21:54Are you sure?
21:57Are you sure?
21:58Are you sure?
21:59Are you sure?
22:00Are you sure?
22:01Are you sure?
22:02Are you sure?
22:04Are you sure?
22:05Are you sure?
22:06I'll level with you, Roy.
22:08I don't think I'd flourish in a prison environment.
22:12Can I try on your glasses?
22:15See this balloon, Jen?
22:17I'm going to burst it.
22:19But I'm not going to tell you when.
22:22Do you feel stressed, Jen?
22:23Jen!
22:24Jen!
22:24Look at that!
22:27That's your peace of mind.
22:28It's going to go bang.
22:31Do you feel stressed now, Jen?
22:33Jen!
22:33Jen!
22:34Jen!
22:35Jen!
22:36Jen!
22:37Do you?
22:40Evidently not.
22:43Well done, Jen.
22:44You're not being fired by me
22:46at this precise moment.
22:53I love the way the smoke
22:54seems to be coming off the top of it.
22:59Just a second.
23:03I'm late for golf!
23:11I wonder why it didn't work.
23:20I don't know if it's the loss of blood
23:22or the melting plastic from the monitor,
23:24but I feel great.
23:29It's ironic,
23:30but this entire situation
23:31has been quite stressful.
23:34I'll get help.
23:39Did someone email us about a fire?
23:41No.
23:42I feel like I'm going to say it.
23:49No.
24:01No.
24:03No.
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