- 3 days ago
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00:08Oh
00:45I hope this doesn't embarrass you, Jen, but I find the best thing to do with a new employee
00:48is to size them up with a long, hard stare.
01:09So!
01:10So?
01:11First date?
01:12Yes.
01:12Scary?
01:13Yes.
01:13Don't be scared.
01:14Well, I'm not really scared.
01:16You should be.
01:16Well, I'm a little bit scared.
01:18Well, don't be!
01:18Make up your mind.
01:20So here you are.
01:23Yes, really looking forward to getting to grips with...
01:26I'm going to put you in IT.
01:27Because you said on your CV you have a lot of experience with computers.
01:33I did say that on my CV, yes.
01:35I have a lot of experience with the whole computer thing.
01:41You know, emails, sending emails, receiving emails, deleting emails.
01:47I could go on.
01:49Do?
01:51The web.
01:53Using mouse.
01:54Mices, using mice.
01:56Um, clicking.
01:58Double clicking.
02:00Um, the computer screen, of course.
02:02The keyboard.
02:03The bit that goes on the floor down there.
02:05The hard drive?
02:06Correct.
02:07Uh-huh.
02:07Well, you certainly seem to know your stuff.
02:10Got settled.
02:11Got a good feeling about you, Jen.
02:12And they need a new manager.
02:14Oh, fantastic.
02:15So, the people I'll be working with, what they like.
02:17Standard nerds!
02:22BELL RINGS
02:24BELL RINGS
02:31BELL RINGS
02:36BELL RINGS
02:48BELL RINGS
02:49BELL RINGS
02:55BELL RINGS
02:58BELL RINGS
03:01BELL RINGS
03:03BELL RINGS
03:04BELL RINGS
03:05BELL RINGS
03:06BELL RINGS
03:06BELL RINGS
03:08BELL RINGS
03:08Hello, IT?
03:09Have you tried turning it off and on again?
03:13BELL RINGS
03:15the side. Is it glowing? Yeah, you need to turn it on. And the button turns it on. Yeah.
03:29You do know how a button works, don't you? No, not on clothes. Hello, IT. Yaha. Have
03:39you tried forcing an unexpected reboot? No, no, there you go. No, there you go. I just
03:44heard it come on. No, no, that's the music you hear when it comes on. No, that's the
03:48music you hear when... I'm sorry, are you from the past? You see, the driver hooks have
03:54functioned by patching the system call table, so it's not safe to unload it unless another
03:58thread's about to jump in there and do its stuff, and you don't want to end up in the
04:02middle of invalid memory. Hello? Oh, really? Well, why don't you come down here and make
04:11me, then? Huh? What? You think I'm afraid of you? I'm not afraid of you. You can come
04:14down here any time and I'll be waiting for you. I told her. Oh, God, it's about time you got
04:23back. It's been all go. You had a job? Girl on fifth. Did you and her hit it off? Define
04:31hit it off. Did she continue talking to you once you'd fixed her computer? No. And while
04:40I was working on it, she rested a cup on my back. No. Yeah. Unbelievable. Yeah, I mean,
04:47they have no respect for us up there. No respect whatsoever. We're all just drudgeons to them.
04:52Yes. If there were such a thing as a drudgeon, that is what would be to them. It's like they're
04:57pally-wally when there's a problem with their printer, but once it's fixed... They toss us
05:01away like yesterday's jam. Yes. Yesterday's jam. That is what we are to them. Actually, you
05:08know what? That doesn't really work as a thing because, you know, jam lasts for ages. Hello?
05:16IT? Have you tried turning it off and on again? Unisex toilets? You have unisex toilets? Like
05:31that's the sort of place this is, Jen. A lot of sexy people not doing much work and having
05:36affairs. Wow. Oh, my God. Look at that view. I feel like I'm on top of the world. Well,
05:49Jen, this is where I leave you. Floor 34.
05:54Floor 30. OK. Where am I going? All the way down to the basement. Good luck.
06:12Get out of the left. Get out of the left. Get out of the left. Get out of the left.
06:20Get
06:21out of the left. Get out of the left. Get out of the left. Get out of the left. Get
06:39Oh, one glintzy!
06:41Oh, my God!
06:42Oh, my God!
06:43Oh, God!
06:45OK.
06:47Ah!
06:55Hello?
06:58Hello?
07:05Oh, my God!
07:37Oh, my God!
07:40Yes, I believe it was Tolstoy who said,
07:43Ooh, it seems we have a visitor.
07:46I'm sorry, myself and Maurice were just engaged in quite a serious discussion about books and such.
07:52We didn't hear you come in.
07:54Wait a second.
07:55You said it was Tolstoy.
07:56You said what?
07:57Oh, never mind that now, Maurice.
07:58When have you read Tolstoy?
08:00Shut up, Maurice.
08:02Why are you speaking that weird voice?
08:04When did...
08:05I don't remember this conversation at all.
08:09Don't let me disturb you.
08:10I just wanted to...
08:11Oh!
08:12Be silly.
08:13You've never...
08:20Many people come down here to visit.
08:23What are you talking about?
08:24Who comes down?
08:25What people?
08:29Why are you giving me the secret signal to shut up?
08:33So, um, what can we do you for?
08:38I'm the new head of this department.
08:42Is this my office?
08:46Why?
08:47What did she...
08:48Did she just say what I...
08:49I am the head of this department!
08:51I thought I was.
08:52But it's one of us!
08:54Certainly not her!
08:55I'm going to sort this out.
08:56Roy, you've got a head wound there.
08:58Head wound!
09:00Aye.
09:01I don't want to be rude or anything,
09:03but I wasn't informed of any changes to this department.
09:07Oh, did they not tell you about me?
09:09No.
09:10And we are perfectly fine down here, thank you very much.
09:13We're more than capable of taking care of ourselves.
09:16Sure, sure.
09:17You know you're covered in blood.
09:20Moss.
09:22Amazon thingy.
09:23Ah, wicked.
09:24I know what this is.
09:25It's the new Harry Potter.
09:27I got the, uh, child edition and the adult edition,
09:29just to check that there are no differences in the text.
09:36Sorry, but I'm not going to be able to deal with that woman.
09:39Is nobody else going to get the phone?
09:41I suppose I'll get it.
09:42No, that is not a phone.
09:44I'm going to have a little lie down.
09:50Come in.
09:52Yeah, Denim.
09:54Yeah.
09:54Yeah.
09:56No, no, no, no, no.
09:57They've been fine so far.
09:59Yeah.
09:59I think we're going to get on great.
10:02Yeah, I know.
10:04All right, then.
10:05No, you take care.
10:06All right.
10:06Yeah, I will.
10:07Yeah.
10:09Okay.
10:09Okay.
10:10Take care.
10:11Take care.
10:12Okay, bye.
10:13Bye.
10:15So, hello.
10:16What can I do you for, what can I do for you?
10:20Hello.
10:21I was just wondering, do you want me to connect up your phone?
10:33No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
10:35No.
10:36It's working.
10:37I was just talking to Denim there.
10:40But how?
10:41Would you mind closing the door for me?
10:45Oh, yeah, sure.
10:49Yeah, from the other side.
10:52Of course.
10:57Like this.
10:58That's it.
10:59With me on the...
11:01Thanks.
11:04Oh.
11:06Oh.
11:12Are you all right?
11:14Oh, yes, Mars, I'm fine, the nurse said.
11:17I didn't do myself any serious about it.
11:19I'm standing over here.
11:21I know, I know.
11:21I'm joking.
11:22I'm fine.
11:23What are we going to do about her?
11:25Well, I just went in and she was having a pretend conversation.
11:29Really?
11:29Yes.
11:30She's a little bit weird, to say the least.
11:35What's that?
11:36Oh, just water.
11:37Sometimes I get a hot ear and this helps cool it down.
11:40She is quite the oddball.
11:43Did you notice how she didn't even get excited when she saw this original ZX81?
11:47Yeah, no, that was weird.
11:49It's almost as if she doesn't know anything about computers.
11:52What?
11:54What do you mean?
11:55Oh, don't worry.
11:56That's why I always make two cups of tea.
11:59Anyway, what were we talking about?
12:00Oh, her not knowing anything about computers.
12:02What?
12:13We definitely want to get rid of her.
12:15Agreed, yeah.
12:17OK, so here's the plan.
12:19A plan?
12:20Let me put on my slightly larger glasses.
12:28OK, hit me.
12:30OK, we're going.
12:31When?
12:33You know, like in a minute.
12:34Will that be enough time for me to get to know the plan?
12:38Yeah, you know what?
12:39I shouldn't have used the word plan.
12:41I've clearly gotten you over-excited.
12:43Would scheme be a better word?
12:44Although that's just as exciting.
12:46I might even need these.
12:52All I was going to say was,
12:54we go in,
12:56I make up a load of bollocks about computers
12:58and we'll see if she picks up on it.
13:03Yes, I can see why you didn't want to use the word plan.
13:07Let me do the talk.
13:08All right.
13:10Ooh, that's possible.
13:12OK, we need to get this right, yeah?
13:14We need to stay calm.
13:16We do not want to go in there half-cocked.
13:31Hang on, guys.
13:34How can I help?
13:36Well, we were just wondering,
13:37now that you're the boss,
13:38would you like us to access the data supplier
13:40and connect you up to the Matrix?
13:45You just made all that up.
13:48You don't know anything about computers!
13:51Admit it!
13:51Will you stop trying to undermine me?
13:54Now get in there
13:55and do some work to do with computers!
13:58I'll be in there in a minute
13:59to check up on you!
14:02OK, lady.
14:03You've won this round.
14:05But we can wait.
14:07You will slip up one day
14:09and believe you me,
14:10we will be there when you do.
14:12There will be some piece of evidence
14:13that will prove without any shadow of a doubt
14:15that you don't know anything about computers.
14:17What are you doing?
14:19Plugging in your computer.
14:22It might be something you say
14:24or something you do,
14:26but when we notice it,
14:28and believe me,
14:28we will notice it,
14:30there's going to be a long way down for you,
14:31sweet cheeks!
14:37He'll realise in a second.
14:48I cannot believe you're going to tell on me
14:51you're like a pair of horrible old women.
14:55What did she say?
14:57She said we're like horrible old women.
14:59She didn't.
15:01Hey, guys.
15:03Hey, you've got something to tell me.
15:04Uh, yes.
15:05Well, it's like this.
15:06Look at you.
15:07My IT team.
15:08Yeah.
15:09Team players, each and every one of you.
15:10Yeah, well, she, uh...
15:11There's no room for people
15:12who can't act in a team
15:13on my team.
15:14Excuse me.
15:16Hello?
15:17What?
15:19Well, if you can't work as a team,
15:20you're all fired.
15:22That's it, you heard me.
15:23Fired.
15:23Get your things and go.
15:25Hello, security.
15:27Everyone on floor four is fired.
15:29Escort them from the premises
15:30and do it as a team.
15:32Remember, you're a team
15:32and if you can't act as a team,
15:33you're fired too.
15:36Dawn, get on to recruitment.
15:38Get them to look for a security team
15:39that can work as a team.
15:41They may have to escort
15:42the current security team
15:43from the building
15:43for not acting like a team.
15:47Team.
15:48Team, team, team, team, team.
15:51I even love saying the word team.
15:54You probably think
15:55that's a picture of my family.
15:56Uh-uh.
15:57It's the 80.
16:00Bodie,
16:01Doyle,
16:02Tiger,
16:03the jewellery man.
16:04The whole lot of them.
16:06So what do you want to tell me?
16:08Well, it's just not working out.
16:10Ha-ha-ha!
16:11He's joking!
16:13But he says...
16:14Not working out?
16:15Oh, no!
16:16Oh, we are getting on
16:17like a big house on fire!
16:19Mummy is getting hot!
16:23No, you know what?
16:24We should leave now
16:25because, you know,
16:26you're a busy man
16:27and we've taken up
16:28far too much of your time.
16:29Jen, could you just
16:30get the door for me there?
16:31Absolutely, Roy!
16:32So why did you come here
16:33in the first place?
16:34Um,
16:36we set up
16:37a voice activation system
16:39on your computer.
16:40I think you're going to enjoy it.
16:42It might just take a little while
16:43to get the pitch right on the voice,
16:44but nonetheless, go ahead.
16:46Thank you very much.
16:47Bye-bye.
16:47How exciting.
16:52Hello.
16:57Hello, computer.
17:02Hello.
17:05Hello.
17:07Hello, computer.
17:11What good are you?
17:13You obviously don't know
17:13anything about computers.
17:15No, but OK.
17:16But I can learn, you know.
17:19I mean, for example, Moss,
17:21you could take me through
17:22what you're doing right now.
17:23I'd be delighted.
17:25I'm just working on
17:26a very simple piece
17:26of programming code.
17:36I see.
17:38Oh, God, no, I'm lying again.
17:40I didn't understand any of that.
17:41I don't know anything
17:42about computers.
17:43I mean, I'm absolutely useless to you.
17:45I might as well pack up
17:46and go home.
17:47I'm...
17:47I can't do it.
17:48I'm...
17:49I'm...
17:50Hi.
17:51Is, er, Roy around?
17:54Hello there, little lady.
17:56Are you lost?
17:57How can I help you?
17:58I'm Roy.
18:00Oh!
18:01You wanted me to go down?
18:03Ah!
18:04Ah!
18:04Well, here I am!
18:05Ah!
18:05Not the fist!
18:07Ah!
18:07Not the fist!
18:09Ah!
18:09Ah!
18:09Well, maybe this will get you
18:11to train people
18:12with a little bit of respect!
18:14Ah!
18:14Ah!
18:15Is there any chance
18:16we spoke on the phone earlier?
18:18Ah!
18:19Ah!
18:19Oh, my God.
18:20Are those Manolos?
18:21Oh, yes.
18:22They are gorgeous.
18:24Were they expensive?
18:25No, no, no, no.
18:26I've got them in the sale.
18:27Oh, God, clever you.
18:29I'm never lucky enough
18:30to get a bargain like that.
18:31Well, I should take you shopping.
18:32Yeah, no, that would be fantastic.
18:33Let's go upstairs.
18:34All right, I'll give you a call.
18:35Nice to meet you.
18:36Take care.
18:37Nice being in you.
18:39Chairman, wow!
18:40You just diffused
18:41that entire situation.
18:43What situation?
18:44Oh, oh, oh, that, yeah.
18:46Oh, my God.
18:47Does that happen a lot?
18:48They're fairly regular,
18:50the beatings, yes.
18:52I'd say we're on
18:53a bi-weekly beating.
18:54Oh, it's not all that bad.
18:56Come on, Roy.
18:57It's pretty bad.
18:59Maybe I could help with this.
19:01You know, I mean,
19:02I'm a people person
19:03and people like you
19:05need a person
19:06to deal with people.
19:07A people person
19:08like me.
19:08Oh, my God.
19:10Ideas are coming.
19:11Things are happening here.
19:12OK, OK.
19:13What would you say, yeah,
19:14if I told you
19:15that I had a plan
19:16to raise your profile
19:18upstairs by 100%,
19:20what would you say?
19:21It can't be done.
19:22You're crazy.
19:23What would you say, Roy?
19:24Roy's passed out.
19:26OK.
19:27I need a felt-tip pen
19:28and some paper.
19:57Oh, my God.
19:59No, no, no.
20:00No, no.
20:02No, no.
20:03No, no.
20:03No, really, really,
20:04it was a true story.
20:06Unbelievable.
20:07I don't know why
20:08we don't go out
20:09with you IT guys
20:09more often.
20:10You're hilarious.
20:11Yes, we are.
20:13Well, you guys
20:15should come down
20:15here more often.
20:16You know,
20:17you should see this.
20:18It's a new era
20:18for Renham Industries.
20:20What a new era
20:20for Renham Industries?
20:22Oh, God.
20:24But you know what?
20:24If you want to hear
20:25something really funny,
20:26a really funny story,
20:27you should hear
20:27what happened
20:28to Moss and I
20:28when we were so drunk
20:30in Amsterdam
20:30that Moss lost
20:31his glasses.
20:33Moss!
20:33Moss!
20:35Come here, come here.
20:36Tell them that story
20:37about when we were
20:38drunk in Amsterdam.
20:39Really?
20:40Yeah, yeah, yeah.
20:41Oh, it's brilliant.
20:41Oh, this is a great story.
20:42You're going to love it.
20:43I'm just going to get
20:44another box of wine.
20:47We're going then.
20:50All right.
20:53Well, one night
20:54we were really drunk.
20:55Yeah.
20:57And we were so drunk
20:59that we decided
20:59to hire prostitutes.
21:04But when they arrived
21:05at the hotel
21:05we were too scared
21:06to do anything
21:06so we brought them
21:07to a fair.
21:09They were really nice.
21:11In the end
21:11they only charge us half.
21:12But we did have to
21:13pay for all the rides.
21:21Oh, isn't that
21:22just the best story?
21:24Oh, no.
21:25You told me
21:26to never tell that story
21:27to anyone.
21:28Well, what are you
21:28talking about?
21:29It's a brilliant story
21:30and then you nearly
21:30walked into the canal
21:31unless you got to that
21:32part with the boatman.
21:34Oh.
21:37You mean the story
21:38where I lost
21:39my glasses.
21:44Yes.
21:49What story
21:50did you think
21:51I meant?
21:53Boss?
21:55What did you say?
21:57What did you say?
22:00It's all right
22:01for you two.
22:03You're used to
22:04being social piranhas.
22:09I'm a very popular
22:10person usually.
22:12That girl earlier
22:14that tried to beat me
22:15to death with her shoes.
22:17Did anybody get her number?
22:20That was a nice day
22:22at the fair,
22:22wasn't it?
22:26With brandy
22:27and crystal.
22:31Hello, IT.
22:34Yeah, have you tried
22:35turning it off
22:36and on again?
23:07Hello!
23:09Hello!
23:11Hello!
23:13Hello!