- 3 days ago
Category
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FunTranscript
00:35We don't need no education.
00:39Yes, you do. You've just used a double negative.
00:50Notice anything?
00:51What?
00:52Guess.
00:53Your eyes? Something wrong with your eyes.
00:55What? No, I have a new cup. What's wrong with my eyes?
00:58It's not very distinctive, is it? How's anyone supposed to know what's yours?
01:01There's a picture of me on it.
01:04No, there isn't.
01:06Yes, there is.
01:07No, there isn't, boss.
01:08Yes, there is. I am sick of my things going walkabout.
01:12With this picture, everyone knows that a certain Mr Moss might be looking for his cup.
01:17There is nothing on the cup!
01:18Wrangle with him and you'll find your hands full, my friend.
01:21Wrangle? With who? There's no one there!
01:24Morning.
01:25Morning!
01:26Did you have a nice weekend?
01:28It was all right, thanks.
01:29Not you.
01:31I did too.
01:33Nice scarf. I'm not wearing a scarf.
01:35Not you, Moss!
01:37Notice anything new about Moss?
01:40Er, his eyes?
01:42What is wrong with my eyes?
01:44No, he has a new cup. It's the talk of the office.
01:47Yes, I think I read about it in heat.
01:50Receptionist, third floor, Gloria, what's her name?
01:52Have you seen her baby?
01:54I didn't even know she was pregnant.
01:56She was out to here.
01:58Yeah, I thought she was stealing office equipment.
02:01That's how I got that monitor home.
02:12Do you want to sit here?
02:18What?
02:19Ask me where it is.
02:21Where what is?
02:22The picture.
02:23Oh.
02:25Where's the picture, Moss?
02:27It's on the base, Roy.
02:28OK, well, let's see it then.
02:30Sure, I pour hot squash all over myself
02:33and we all have a good chuckle.
02:35Everyone except Muggins here.
02:38We'll show you in a minute.
02:40Can I ask you two a question?
02:42Please, Christ, yes.
02:44No, wait, wait, one moment, wait.
02:48OK, go.
02:50How can you two live like this?
02:53How can you two...
02:54Don't Google the question, Moss!
02:58What are you talking about?
02:59It's so disgusting in here.
03:01I mean, I know nobody comes down here,
03:03but it doesn't mean you have to live like animals, you know.
03:05I mean, for starters, you could clean that window
03:07and then you'd have a bit of light in here.
03:09What window?
03:10That one up there.
03:11Yeah, that's not a window.
03:13Yes, it is.
03:14Get it clean, you'll have some light in here.
03:16I think that we have plenty of light.
03:23I think that's fine.
03:25I mean, look at that CD tray.
03:26Isn't that important?
03:29Wouldn't you like to actually put CDs in there at some point?
03:33Well, yes, ideally, but I haven't the heart to move them.
03:40I mean, how did that even happen?
03:44OK.
03:45Now I'm curious.
03:47Give us a look at the picture, then.
03:49What picture?
03:50The picture on the cop.
03:52Right.
03:56Behold.
04:00There's nothing there!
04:02What?
04:04This isn't my cup.
04:06LAUGHTER
04:14What is that?
04:16Ghost cheese salad.
04:17Oh!
04:18Oh!
04:19You don't like ghost cheese?
04:20I don't like ghosts anything.
04:22I don't like ghosts being involved at any stage of the food production process.
04:28Would I blow everyone's mind if I ate dessert first?
04:33LAUGHTER
04:35What are you eating, anyway?
04:37It's a bucket of fried chicken.
04:40It comes in a real bucket.
04:42LAUGHTER
04:43Tell me, um, what's behind that red door?
04:51Nothing.
04:52Well, there must be something behind it.
04:54There's nothing behind the red door, Jen.
04:56Well, then I can just go...
04:57No, Jen, it's just a boring old storeroom, that's all.
05:00It's just a storeroom where we keep the snippets.
05:03What's a snippet?
05:05It's a kind of planche.
05:08Oh, a planche for the computers?
05:09Yes, computer planche.
05:11Oh, well, if it's a storeroom, we can store some of this stuff.
05:14No, Jen, Jen.
05:15Look, I know that you want to make your mark down here,
05:18and that's really sweet,
05:20but, um, you can't just go messing around
05:23with the snippet storeroom willy-nilly.
05:26You can't upset the whole harmony of the place.
05:31Harmony? What harmony?
05:32No, look, I know that the place looks like a bit of a mess,
05:35but it's actually a very delicate ecosystem.
05:39LAUGHTER
05:41Everything is connected.
05:44LAUGHTER
05:46It's like the rainforest.
05:48That's why the rainforest...
05:50You change one thing,
05:52even the tiniest bit,
05:54and the whole rainforest dies!
05:58LAUGHTER
06:00You don't want the rainforest to die, do you?
06:03No, no, I really don't want the rainforest to die.
06:05Well, that's what will happen if you open the red door.
06:11Hello, IT.
06:12Have you tried turning it off and on again?
06:15LAUGHTER
06:15OK, well, are you sure that it's plugged in?
06:20OK, well, I'll be up in a minute.
06:23What was that about?
06:24Just a girl on four.
06:26Oh, job? You gonna go?
06:28Yeah, in a while.
06:30It can wait.
06:31Well, why can it wait?
06:32She probably needs to get on.
06:33She needs a computer, you know?
06:34Yeah, well, I am reading...
06:36Cummy...
06:37I knew it.
06:38Every time I used to phone IT in my last job,
06:40it'd take a good couple of hours before someone got to me.
06:43That is how we do it.
06:45You can't go up straight away,
06:46or they'll all expect it.
06:47You're killing the rainforest!
06:49Stop saying that!
06:50Look, more than that,
06:51me and this girl,
06:52I asked her out once,
06:53she said no,
06:54it all got a little bit embarrassing,
06:55and ever since then,
06:56whenever I go up,
06:56she treats me like I'm some sort of sexually frustrated threat.
07:02You can get up there now, please.
07:05You are not the head of this department!
07:06No, I'm relationship manager.
07:08I'm the one who gets the complaints.
07:09I'm the one who gets in trouble.
07:11I'm the one whose name is on the line.
07:12Oh, God, all right.
07:13I will go up just to shut you up.
07:17What?
07:52Come on under here.
07:54Yes.
07:56Hello.
07:58Hello.
08:02Erm.
08:07Did she get it fixed?
08:09Oh, yeah.
08:11Well, I left him to it.
08:12Yeah, I like it when you just go.
08:28Oh, dear me.
08:30What are you laughing at?
08:31This flipping circuit board, Jen.
08:35Some chump has run the data lines right through the power supply.
08:39Amateur hour.
08:41I've got tears in my eyes.
08:47Oh.
08:49Roy stuck under a desk.
08:51Stuck under a desk?
08:54Yes, it is an unusual text, isn't it?
08:56It's not just me.
08:57No, it's unusual.
09:00I'd best investigate.
09:02Yes, you investigate.
09:04I'll hold the fort.
09:20No, no, no, no.
09:21Eh, eh, eh, eh.
09:35Oh!
09:52Listen, I'm really sorry about your hand.
09:54Oh, don't worry about it. I must have cut it when I swooned.
09:57I startled you.
09:59I didn't know there was anyone else down here. I thought it was just the three of us.
10:02Well, I often work nights, so perhaps that's why you haven't seen me.
10:06Gosh, it's very cold in here, isn't it?
10:08Mm, air conditioning. Keeps these things cool.
10:12Yes, what are they?
10:13I've no idea.
10:16They've put me in charge of them.
10:18Moss and Roy.
10:20I don't know their names.
10:23I mean, I don't know what any of this stuff even does.
10:28What's going on there?
10:31I don't know.
10:32Is it good that it's doing that?
10:36Occasionally, it doesn't do that, and I think I should tell them, but often I just look away.
10:43And this one.
10:45Flash, flash, flash.
10:48Then wait for it.
10:49Nothing for a while.
10:51Here it comes.
10:53Double flash.
10:56Brilliant.
10:59It's obvious you're going mad.
11:01So, let me get this straight.
11:03You stay down here all the time.
11:05I pop out occasionally when I have to get supplies.
11:10And you don't know why you're here, or what you do?
11:14Correct.
11:15So, this is your job.
11:16This is what you want for a career.
11:18No.
11:19You don't understand.
11:21I'm not here because I want to be here.
11:24This is...
11:25This is my punishment.
11:29You see, I used to be Denham's second-in-command.
11:34Do I amaze you?
11:37So, how did you end up down here?
11:40That's a question I've been asking myself for four long years.
11:44Oh, I couldn't help noticing that you're bleeding.
11:47Yes, no, it's fine.
11:48It's just a little neck.
11:49Honestly, it's fine.
11:50I can't deal with it myself at home.
11:52No, it's...
11:53Honestly, oh, my...
11:53Oh, my God.
11:55Oh, my God.
11:56Please, excuse me.
11:56Excuse me.
11:57What are you doing?
11:58Oh, get off me!
12:00Get off!
12:06That should clear up nicely.
12:09Yes, there was a time when things were very different.
12:21I was one of Denham Industries' top guys.
12:24You should have seen me.
12:25I was magical.
12:27Here's me saying some pretty important stuff
12:28to a group of people circled around me.
12:31In the boardroom, I was a wizard, a punchy character.
12:35Here's me with a graph.
12:38Things were moving fast, so fast.
12:40My career was advancing by leaps and bounds.
12:44Denham saw great things for me.
12:47They were crazy, heady days.
12:50It seemed like those days would last forever.
12:53But it all changed.
12:57Wow.
12:58So, what happened?
13:00Well, it's quite a long story, actually.
13:03Really?
13:03Don't worry about it, then.
13:36Oh, my good gracious me. Look at that. Whoa. Quick.
13:43What is it?
13:44I can't explain it. You're just going to have to come over here and look out this window for a
13:50while.
13:51Look, whatever it is, we're not interested.
13:54Well, I have to say, you're missing out.
13:57Fine.
13:58Oh, Jiminy. Jones. Look, the nature of the thing that is happening has changed slightly, rendering it yet more interesting.
14:10Someday I will tell my kids about this.
14:13You can't even tell us. How are you going to tell your children?
14:17Well, you have no interest in the world.
14:29Are you sure it's OK to come out?
14:31Yeah, don't you worry about those two.
14:33Now, listen, Richmond, I've always wanted to know, yeah, why do you never see any cockney goths?
14:38They're too cheerful.
14:40They'll spoil it for the rest of us.
14:43And how come you never see goths driving cars?
14:45Oh, we drive cars. We're just like you, really, except that we listen to Cradle of Filth.
14:51Cradle of Filth? I presume that's a band.
14:54Hmm.
14:54It's not literally a Cradle of Filth.
14:57Oh, no, that would be horrible.
15:00Cradle of Filth are actually one of the best contemporary darkwave bands in the world.
15:06I never forget the first time I heard them.
15:13Changed my life.
15:15Blew my mind.
15:17I was lucky I discovered them when I did, because it was around that time that things started to go
15:22wrong for me at work.
15:24I don't know what happened, but suddenly people just weren't returning my calls.
15:29In my strategy meetings, people seemed distracted.
15:33Distant. I couldn't put my finger on it, but something was wrong.
15:38I'll tell you, it was good to have the filth to come home to after another disappointing day.
15:44You've got to help Roy!
15:46Richmond's out of his room. He's not in his room. He's supposed to be in his room.
15:50Why is he out of his room?
15:52Well, he's going to come out and play with us for a while.
15:56But the ring, for instance...
15:58What's wrong with you, Moss?
16:00Roy's stuck underneath a lady's desk.
16:03What? Still?
16:04Look, I know that normally this would be very funny, but he's been under there too long for a reasonable
16:08explanation.
16:08If that woman looks down, she's going to assume he's a desk rabbit.
16:11What's a desk rabbit?
16:12I just made that up.
16:15Well, that's probably going to be what they start to call people like Roy.
16:17But Roy's not a desk rabbit. He's my best friend.
16:19Unless you do something, it's just going to be you, me and Tim Burton over there.
16:23What can I possibly do?
16:25Look, she could look under there any minute. It could already be too late.
16:28But I don't know what to do.
16:28You're a relationship manager. This falls under relationships.
16:31All right, all right.
16:32Just to shut you up.
16:38Hello, Richmond. How are things?
16:41Oh, you know, not brilliant.
16:45It's supposed to be in his room.
17:03Oh, there's a builder outside taking off his shirt.
17:07Like an adze?
17:08Yeah, like an adze.
17:23Everything all right downstairs?
17:24Yeah, fine. Yeah, I left Moss and Richmond in charge.
17:27Good. Well, Moss...
17:28Richmond? He's not out of his room, is he?
17:30Yeah.
17:31What did I say about the red door?
17:32I said don't open the red door. It was the only thing that I asked, you know.
17:34What have you got against him?
17:36I just don't like him.
17:37Oh, God, you're just like the rest of them,
17:39the people that turned their backs on him as soon as he became a goth.
17:42He obviously hasn't told you about the funeral.
17:44Hmm.
17:45I think that you should ask him about the funeral.
17:51Uh-oh.
17:55Hello, Denham.
17:56Hi, Jen. I'm just enjoying this cup of tea.
18:01Brilliant. How are you doing, Jen?
18:03Yeah.
18:04Just to say, um...
18:06I met Richmond.
18:09I see.
18:12It's not for me to say, Denham, but...
18:14It sounds like you two had a good relationship at one point.
18:18You should speak to him.
18:20I'll thank you to keep out of this, Jen.
18:23Goths are people, too.
18:24Enough!
18:33There's absolutely no point to anything.
18:35You're right.
18:36No point.
18:37It's all futile.
18:38Can't even find my cup.
18:41You try to look on the bright side.
18:43Ha!
18:44The bright side.
18:46Sometimes you just think, what would actually change if I just killed myself?
18:51You're right.
18:53I could just kill myself.
18:55And it'd be so easy, wouldn't it?
18:57So very, very easy.
19:01Richmond!
19:04Get back to your room!
19:05Oh, what's the point of sending him back to his room?
19:07What's the point of anything?
19:08Come on, get the brush!
19:09Come on!
19:10But she said I could come out.
19:11Well, you can't come out.
19:12You're bringing everyone down.
19:14No, I'm not.
19:14Yes, he is.
19:16Come on!
19:17Okay, well, then, tell her why they sent you down here.
19:20Tell her what you did.
19:21I didn't do anything.
19:22I don't know why I'm down here.
19:24So Denham just emoted you for nothing, did he?
19:26No, he changed after his father died.
19:29I don't think he ever fully recovered.
19:31From the moment I saw him at the funeral,
19:33I could tell there was something different.
19:46Bloody good of you to come, thanks.
19:48Thanks.
19:49Bloody good service, wasn't it, yeah?
19:51Thank you, thank you.
19:53Watch your bloody hand.
19:57I'm so sorry.
19:59Here.
20:00It's Cradle of Filth.
20:03It got me through some pretty bleak times.
20:05Try track four, Cough in Fodder.
20:08It sounds horrible, but it's actually quite beautiful.
20:24Relationship manager?
20:27Yes.
20:28Yes, of course.
20:29First thing tomorrow.
20:33That was Denham.
20:36He wanted to see you.
20:49What is it?
20:57I can't believe you want me back.
20:59You've got Jen to thank for that.
21:01Her words the other day moved me deeply.
21:03Very deeply indeed.
21:06Really?
21:06What did she say?
21:07I can't remember.
21:09Point is, it's the effect of her words that's important.
21:12I now know that treating someone differently just because of the colour of their skin is wrong.
21:16I don't see why things can't get back to the way they were.
21:19Oh.
21:20I just don't know what to say.
21:22You're back with the big guys, Richmond.
21:23Great.
21:24That's if you're prepared to take me on again.
21:26Hmm?
21:26You know how demanding I am.
21:29Stop it.
21:30You know how changeable I can be.
21:31Yes, Mr. Renham.
21:33Call me Denham.
21:34All right.
21:35Thanks, Denham.
21:36No, no.
21:37I don't like that.
21:38Don't do it again.
21:39All right.
21:39Sorry.
21:40In fact, I've changed my mind about the whole thing.
21:42What?
21:42You mean I have to stay down here?
21:44Yes.
21:44And leave me alone, you goblin.
21:49Oh, well.
21:50I suppose it's not quite so bad now that I don't have to stay in that room.
21:53Yes, yes.
21:54Well, we're happy to have you.
21:57Oh!
21:57Oh!
21:58My milky lens has popped out.
22:00Oh!
22:01Oh!
22:02What?
22:02Don't step on it.
22:03You've got to help me find it.
22:06Oh, actually, I think it's just popped round the back.
22:09It does that sometimes.
22:11Come on.
22:13Come on, little fellow.
22:15Come on.
22:16Come on.
22:18It's almost there.
22:23How about that, then?
22:24Wow.
22:25That looks great.
22:29I told you it was a window.
22:33Bloody lens.
22:34Oh!
22:35Oh!
22:35It's a bit of a way.
22:37I mean, no, it's fine.
22:39It's just a...
22:40Oh!
22:40I really ought to...
22:41I'm...
22:42Actually, I'm going to...
22:44Oh!
22:49Thank God.
22:51At least everything is back to normal.
22:54As long as no one goes through that door.
22:56I'm going to go to the door.
22:57I'm going to go to the door.
22:58I'm going to go to the door.
23:01I'm going to go to the door.
23:02I'm going to go to the door.
23:12I'm going to go to the door.
23:14I'm going to go to the door.
23:15I'm going to go to the door.
23:16I'm going to go to the door.
23:16I'm going to go to the door.
23:17I'm going to go to the door.
23:17I'm going to go to the door.
23:17I'm going to go to the door.
23:18I'm going to go to the door.
23:18I'm going to go to the door.
23:19I'm going to go to the door.
23:22I'm going to go to the door.
23:24I'm going to go to the door.
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