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The Claudia Winkleman Show S01E07 (2026)
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00:00Hello, how are you? Thank you. Good
00:04Quite giggly
00:06This is when we put the best bits of the show together. Have you watched any of it? I watched
00:12one, okay
00:17Only because I go to bed early. No, so do I
00:31I
00:54Always happen just screaming every single day of my life
01:00Just
01:02I'm not gonna lie. I'm shit myself, Claudia. No
01:07Rachel your best friend is
01:10Your biggest fan, which I'm sure you get this a lot when I was growing up and One Direction was
01:16getting very popular
01:16I was getting into Les Miserables, so I wasn't really me too
01:23And my best friend when I was a kid I've known her since I was one
01:26Oh, her name is Carly and she had a cardboard cut out of you in her bedroom
01:32So when we had sleepovers, do you know who watched me sleep?
01:35Oh
01:37It's all coming back
01:40It's all coming back to me now
01:42It really is
01:44Quite intense to see you in the flesh
01:47Thank you all so much for coming because Jimmy you got in from Australia literally this morning
01:53Well, I flew from Australia, but via Los Angeles. Oh
01:57So it was I went I'm basically trying to prove flat-earthers wrong
02:03How do you deal with it? What's the answer Lisa? What's your do you have an answer you get on
02:08the plane drugs?
02:12But what are you supposed to eat? I can't travel anywhere. I can't go to Manchester. I get jet-lagged.
02:17I've never yeah, it's true
02:18I've never moved. I don't think you're supposed to eat. I think you're not supposed to eat. You know when
02:23to eat on the plane, right?
02:24Right. I don't eat plain food
02:26You don't? I do if I'm hungry
02:31That's how food works
02:35I
02:35Read once that you love meat. I always know I always travel with like biltong. It's like cured sort of
02:44And when you say like do you take a sliver or are you taking a bag? I take like a
02:48big big bag
02:50Just to get me through. Yeah, I think sort of fatty bag of sort of old meat
02:58What's happening
02:59You can get like prepackaged stuff in supermarkets. It's terrible
03:03I feel like I need a visual of it. I don't know what it looks like
03:05I go to like a South Africa
03:06Like a South Africa store. Like a South Africa themed store. But does the meat?
03:11Is it odiferous? Like does it smell really bad? I don't think it smells bad, but I think other people
03:17might think it smells bad
03:19I don't know. Just curious. It smells good. You know. Yeah. It smells good. Are you a meat eater?
03:24I love meat. Yeah, listen, I'll bring you to this of Africa themed shop
03:30This is the worst episode of first
03:35Chase infinity the best name on the sofa the best name I think I've ever heard
03:41Your parents very clever. How did they put it together?
03:44They they had watched Batman forever and Nicole Kidman played a character named Chase Meridian and they were like regardless
03:50of anything
03:51Her name is gonna be chased because they were obsessed with Nicole Kidman in in that movie
03:55And then infinity comes from a toy story to infinity and beyond and I've just gone by chase infinity since
04:00I was ten
04:01So that's that's how they sort of decided what you were gonna do
04:05Before they even met kind of crazy literally crazy how that happened
04:09But yeah, and what's your sister called? Her name is Dolce and she's into fashion. She went to school for
04:15Is that all you have to do
04:20I would have given my kids different names
04:25Rita thank you for coming because you've come from very far, but you love London used to live here. I
04:30do love London
04:31Yes
04:31I went to drama school here at Lambda very long time ago, but it was super fun
04:36And it was it was you know, like you're living in England you're in London. I saw so much theater
04:42It was absolutely fantastic
04:44Yeah, so when you come back you like I remember this little shop or I want to have this soup
04:49from here
04:50Oh, no, no, you have to understand like I was on a student's budget and so in in America
04:55We have this thing called the freshman 10 which is when you go off to college you immediately gain 10
05:00pounds
05:01And I definitely had that because my diet was like mcdiddies mcvitties
05:05Did I say mcdiddies?
05:07I like mcdiddies
05:07Yes, we're going to mcdiddies
05:10We all did that in freshman year
05:14McDonald's
05:16Yeah
05:17I'll have the double ditty
05:19I'll have the double ditty and an std test
05:22But mcdiddies was also mcdonald's because it was like french fries or mcvitties
05:26That was my diet and my body loved it. Yeah, you were like, thank you. I will give me more
05:32please
05:33Russell, uh for you bristol or london?
05:37Well, i'm from bristol, so I you know, I prefer bristol, but it's no. I like I like london. I'm
05:43a fan
05:43I I got I got mugged here once and it was the most but it was the most middle-class
05:48mugging
05:49So a friend of mine had she'd just given birth
05:51So I got some cupcakes so i'm carrying these cupcakes up this hill and this kid's probably about 15
05:56Really pasty looking kid just stands in front of me and goes oi
06:02You better give me one of them cupcakes
06:05I
06:06Suddenly kind of went you you can't have them that's my friend. She's just given birth
06:10This kid suddenly went i'm sorry tell her congratulations
06:14And we said it's such a beautiful moment of like
06:19You kind of go from fear to like yeah
06:22And i like it um we have unbelievable news because dan you are moving to london yeah
06:31Yeah i mean i'm moving as as yes i have a place here that is i will be here
06:38As much as i possibly can with with within legal bounds
06:43You lived here before i did i lived here in my early had a very bad relationship
06:48I'm sorry needed to come here because that's where notting hill was the movie
06:55And i was like i don't know i'm i'm 21 years old anything's possible i'm gonna move to london and
07:01find myself
07:02So i found a little apartment yeah and it was great and it was i moved in and i'm a
07:09i'd like to be clean
07:10I'm spraying everywhere i don't know who was in here before it was kind of dirty
07:15I'm hearing rumors from the people downstairs that it might have been a a mother daughter
07:22Sex duo got it oh sexy
07:26Probably had way more sex in there than i did anyway
07:29I'm cleaning what was the address out of interest
07:31I pull the bed from the wall at this point i had taken my gloves off
07:36And i'm now you know when you're in cleaning mode it doesn't you're not really yeah you're just fishing
07:40So i'm reaching down the side of the bed
07:44I'm gonna tell you what i found and then you tell me what you think it is okay okay
07:48So i grabbed it and i just say the weirdest game show i've ever been on
07:53I'm into it it slips out of my hands what do you mean oh hell it was a
08:00Yeah phallic shaped perfume bottle
08:04Wrapped in a condom oh and tied at the end
08:08Oh and slippery
08:15I love it was it was it your flap
08:19Finally someone found it
08:22Do you still have it?
08:24What do you think it was what perfume?
08:26It's a sex toy isn't it?
08:27No not perfume well it was perfume until someone turned it into something else
08:32Why else would it be me have a condom?
08:34Well maybe because it was cold
08:38I don't
08:39You asked
08:40I know
08:43Anna uh you wrote a brilliant book
08:45Oh i better get us some water yes
08:47Called unqualified where you talk about the professions that one should avoid
08:52Yes in in dating list some of the things we should not go near
08:56Number one magician correct
09:01Somebody who was tricking you i don't know they won't let you in on their secrets
09:06I had a boy
09:06Also they're going to bore you rigid with a pack of cards
09:10Like take my bra off i don't give a shit
09:13Yeah
09:14Number two athlete professional athlete
09:17For the normal reasons cheating and whatnot but also because
09:22I think you're going to have to do some ego lifting
09:25Yeah
09:26You know oh the rookie isn't that good or
09:28And they're going to want a smoothie
09:30As soon as your knee gets better
09:32Yeah
09:32Yeah
09:33Number three chef
09:35Um i do think it's an environment when i was waiting tables where uh it felt like anger
09:44Wasn't managed was celebrated
09:46I don't think you can leave that mentality at work
09:49Yeah
09:49Um i think there's only one
09:52In the list of professions you should date
09:55Yep and what is that please
09:57That is a woodworker a canoe
09:59Somebody who makes canoes by the coast
10:02Cop and solitary he's sad
10:07He's sad he's been lonely and he's but he's carving that canoe and sanding it
10:13I imagine he's quite thorough
10:15Oh yeah
10:16Yes
10:19Uh
10:25Sorry
10:27You know what we've got an army of in the audience
10:29Woodworkers they're right there
10:31No no gentlemen
10:36Thank you
10:38That's amazing
10:39Woodworkers
10:41Thank you woodworkers
10:42Liam
10:43Quiet heroes
10:44Yes
10:46Liam i think you are the speaker of the woodworkers is that right
10:50I think so yeah
10:51Okay um have you ever made a canoe
10:53Yeah
10:55And i'm very thorough
11:00We're sanding and sanding
11:03What do you think about as you're sanding
11:06Yeah
11:06Do you think about love
11:07All the time
11:10For the rest of you any professions you'd steer clear of
11:14Actors
11:16Olivia
11:17I think if you own or created an app
11:20I think it's
11:22What about the man you created wordle for his girlfriend it's so romantic
11:25Oh i didn't know that story okay he not him
11:27But but all the other ones you don't want an app created
11:30All the ones that are coming to mind
11:34Do you know what i keep on thinking where you're like a woodworker but it's got to have like a
11:37story
11:38I'm like you need to read the bible
11:40Oh mine's gonna be blown
11:44I do
11:45Yeah
11:45I do
11:47Yeah yeah
11:48The album is called the sound of a woman right the sound of a woman i think is just
11:54Exactly
11:55Exactly
11:55I say that quite a lot my husband hasn't had an idea
11:59Exactly
12:01Yes
12:01That's another one
12:02A bit bad bad bad bad
12:03Hey Claude i've got a
12:05Yeah
12:07Go make the bed
12:08Make him do his homework
12:10No more words
12:11One of my one of my favorite noises a woman's ever made
12:14I was in
12:14Wow wait a minute
12:15Wow
12:16Wow
12:17I saw a lady uh see johnny depp uh in the streets
12:22This is probably about 20 years ago in the noise
12:24I'll never do it justice but she saw it went
12:29It was so just and you could sort of see it happening as he's walking down various women
12:34He was just sort of gliding down the street just causing various noises
12:39I could do something but it's filthy
12:41Do it just do it right now before
12:43No no no
12:43Yes
13:00I was just making conversation
13:02No you're doing it
13:04I'll tell you what I can do I can do an extraordinary but it's audio only
13:09Horse impression
13:11Do you want to go around the back so that we can only hear you
13:15And I have used it in foreplay
13:21Are you ready
13:24It's audio just imagine wedding night 28 years guys
13:29Ready okay are you coming to bed yes I get pretend hooves on I don't great
13:36Are you ready
13:50That is the sound of a woman
13:56Just to be clear
13:58What a male
14:01Go am you're doing all of these shows and you also would like to adopt a dog
14:06I bought a house finally on the ladder I have a garden lovely
14:09I was like I'll obviously I'll rescue a dog because that's what you do are you adopt also?
14:13I'm adopted myself so I feel it's only fair to pay it for it
14:23I'm a rescue I'm a rescue dog
14:27Yeah so I would always rescue I would never buy new
14:31And um shame on you for having your own children claudia you should have been like
14:37How dare you
14:38So anyway I went I rang up and it is so hard
14:42Yeah
14:43And I'll probably get rinsed for saying this
14:45But like I was like blah blah blah I want to adopt a little
14:47And they were like yeah do you have a car?
14:49And I was like no I said I have access to an e-scooter
14:54And they were like oh do you don't have a car?
14:55And I was like they're like you can't adopt a dog
14:58And I was like what am I driving it to it's piano lessons
15:02I like the fact that I'm just like us we're having a chat and Rafe looks like help me
15:08I want to talk about my play
15:11Wait I'm going to talk to you about your play I don't want you to panic and run away screaming
15:16I'm staying here yeah good boy thank you
15:19The good boy was too much
15:23As I said I was like I'm uncomfortable
15:27There'll be an opening night there will be a red carpet
15:31Do you guys like a red carpet look at olivia's face it's it's disgusting isn't it
15:37Well when you've got all those people screaming at you
15:41My reaction is to want to cry or run away
15:45And so like I can't I can't sort like it's sort of all that energy gets put down and under
15:49my dress
15:49My like right knee is quivering like that yeah
15:52But it's like it's no but it can be quite scary oh 100 and I don't know there isn't at
15:59least
16:00When I my first red carpet was in the year 2004 scary movie and it felt confusing
16:07I'm sure some of those photos I am really like you know caught caught like I know I don't belong
16:15Uh here on this red carpet and I think you guys know that too
16:20That's always the feeling of like
16:23Imposter syndrome yes, I feel like it's just a necessary evil, you know
16:28I mean like you've got to do the red carpet to get into the venue to quaff the free champagne
16:34It's the tax
16:35You know what I mean yeah
16:39So true
16:40In my life and i'm 54 i've never met anybody who likes a red carpet and then rafe i meet
16:49you
16:50I've got evidence let's have a look exhibit one please
16:59I know what you're thinking you guys it's a one-off buckle up is is number two
17:08He's enjoying himself that's nothing
17:12Let's have number three
17:20And finally as we're all going oh and it's uncomfortable and they're saying my name rafe fines ladies and gentlemen
17:36So why why do you love it you come out of the car you're wearing a suit you've got something
17:41I don't know you're just ready and they're shouting rafe rafe and you're like i've come along
17:44You know what happens you go and they excite rafe rafe or what i met the name and you
17:49And then suddenly a boredom factor kicks in
17:57And you entertain yourself to get through the fucking thing
18:04That's a great strategy
18:06I'm going to try to embrace that
18:09Dawn and i my friend dawn french and i once thought we'd be really daring and we got an ecstasy
18:15tablet
18:16And we thought we could take well i think it was something with a rabbit on it it was about
18:20that big
18:22And we thought one day i said well be alone
18:26It became such a matter of planning as to when we could take half
18:32An ecstasy tablet and so we kept it and kept it on dawn's mantelpiece like that
18:37And then one day this is about six months later when we've gone okay right we're ready we had water
18:43We had we didn't know what to expect at all the pill had gone
18:48No
18:48That your dog was looking lively that day
18:54And it was quite a relief yeah you were like thank goodness thank god we don't do that anymore
18:58Yeah no drugs for us the dog was out in the garden jumping up and down
19:03Having sex with the dragon
19:05Okay
19:07Um where did you first meet him where did i first meet rizamid
19:11For legal purposes i've been asked to frame this story
19:16To go back like 20 years could be a little bit more um and i'm from coventry i still live
19:22there
19:22And i before i did this had different vocations
19:26Mm-hmm um one of my vocations was
19:32Selling tulips let's go with that
19:35That's what beautiful tulips they were right yeah i was a florist people really like the flowers every time they
19:41They said brother this flower is the best flower i ever smelt in my whole life okay
19:46I
19:47Was in an alleyway with my still best friend till this day and a gentleman comes running into the alleyway
19:53And when you're selling tulips late at night you know everyone's on edge
19:55Go with it guys
19:59I looked down alleyway and there's riz ahmed
20:03But i didn't know it was riz ahmed and riz ahmed was a little bit nervous about the the activity
20:08of floristry in this particular
20:10But to his credit riz decided to venture down there to me and my friend and said my brother
20:16I'm about to spit some bars in the students union would you like to join me and i looked at
20:21my friend and said probably not man
20:23These tulips ain't gonna sell themselves
20:24My friend who's a good person he's a good geezer he said no we should support this guy he looks
20:31kind of stressed
20:32So we accompanied him to the students union this is oscar-winning riz ahmed 20 years ago and he performed
20:39Quite okay-ish rap music
20:42To a group of six people in coventry students union
20:47And 10 years later when i started doing like comedy and silly stuff like that
20:51He messaged me and he goes but can i ask you a question
20:55I said yeah he said did you used to sell tulips
21:00In an alleyway in coventry and i said who are you the police go away
21:07And that's the story of how me and rizmet
21:14Josh could you try and explain to dan who who mr blobby is
21:20Okay it's quite so there's
21:24Bear in mind this took four hours in the podcast right i need it in 15 to 30 seconds
21:29There's a man called noel edmonds he had a saturday night tv show
21:33And he used to prank people it was huge it was the biggest show on british tv
21:37Massive and he thought a good way of doing that would be to dress as a fake character
21:40So they made mr blobby which was a seven foot rubber and pink thing that went blobby blobby blobby
21:47And then you know
21:48Where's the photo is it yeah go on yeah yeah
21:52So that's just to be clear noel is on the left
21:55Very good
21:55And um
21:59And then the problem was that mr blobby became so popular
22:05Popular yeah yeah with the with the british public
22:08Yes that he uh became absolutely bone chilling
22:13If this creature showed up at my house i would call the police
22:17So that mr blobby he became so popular he got a number one single yeah right christmas
22:23What do you mean he went he sings to
22:26Exactly yeah and then he became so popular they opened a string of mr blobby theme park
22:33Yeah that's our mickey mouse yeah
22:40Okay
22:43Um
22:44Rita yes a slight bone to pick with you all right you enjoy camping yeah i love camping
22:51So do you mean camping as in
22:52We're coming pitch up the tent and bring me a pet giraffe or are you
22:57I don't know i've never camped no
22:59Or you're like driving and you're making a stove yes we have one of those vans that is
23:06You know kitted out with a bed and a kitchen and everything and there's nothing better than cooking in the
23:11outdoors
23:13It is so fantastic like i don't know there's something about being under the stars
23:18And there's a lovely little lovely toilet in there so it's very civilized it's very civilized
23:24Is it one of those where you have that blue liquid and you have to
23:27No they're they're very high tech now
23:29Oh are they very very high tech
23:31So it's always you know what i mean is that weird yeah yeah exactly
23:34Yeah exactly
23:34Yeah exactly
23:34Grastery's great and then you're like terrible
23:37You're not working away you're shame
23:40No it's beautiful and it's really really great
23:44Yeah but it is that sometimes she's like
23:47Her friend's coming in a minute
23:49She's making the horse noises
23:52I can't kill the moon
23:55Lisa your character valerie uh takes part in traitors uh-huh and i know
24:03And valerie's uh stint on traitors was inspired a little bit by somebody on the uk traitors
24:10Yes it was
24:12On linda linda
24:20Because for those who haven't um seen and they i'll just explain linda was the person who and
24:27I said traitors you'll meet each other later and looked at me and nodded
24:32And there was a bit of linda in it wasn't there a bit yeah oh my god
24:36Yeah we had valerie someone saying like well i think he's a traitor and she's oh no i can tell
24:42You a hundred percent he's a faithful
24:44How do you know just i have a i have a feeling i'm you know i don't you wish we
24:50knew who the traitor was
24:52I'm being so stressful yeah
24:55I love the fact it was based on linda and i think it's only right that you meet her but
24:59oh yes
25:00Linda
25:02No way
25:20I love seeing you i just somehow wanted linda and lisa together even just for a minute but
25:29Linda in your wildest dreams when that happened and you looked at me and went got it
25:34uh
25:36Did you ever think that then the mighty lisa kudrow would use you as inspiration in her amazing show
25:44No
25:47Crazy
25:49On our show she was voted out like that night
25:52Oh yeah
25:53No
25:54No
25:54What was wrong with your group?
25:56Oh yes
25:57To episode seven
25:58They took a very long time
26:00They took a very long time because you're very charming ladies and gentlemen linda
26:05Thank you
26:08Thank you
26:09Lovely to see you
26:09Thank you
26:10Oh my god
26:15That was thrilling
26:17That was thrilling
26:19What they
26:19We're all still alive though yeah
26:23Yes we are i just i just i couldn't help it when i watched i was like oh hold on
26:28a minute
26:28Yeah
26:29I know but they didn't vote her out sorry none of them are here so i can say not bright
26:39Um
26:40Niall i found out some other information about you which i'm obsessed more information about me for vogue
26:45You went through your beauty routine oh jeez
26:51Look at that
26:52Look at that all right and by the way it would not fit on these cards not even small font
26:59I bought a clipboard
27:01A clipboard there are 22 steps wait one you light a candle to set the tone
27:09I'll explain give me a minute go on i'll give her half an hour
27:12I'll give her half an hour
27:14Ford there's a cold water splash pardon
27:18Number nine is you play with big silver balls
27:23There are so many tell me what you actually do
27:26I do quite a few of them to be fair i'm quite i'm quite a big into the skin care
27:30dude
27:30Ice water in the morning three or four dunks
27:35Actually i'm gonna action all this
27:37Yeah
27:37Yeah
27:38We've got it
27:39A couple of moisturizers and like two
27:42Serum a moisturizer as to have a spray but it's like a cold plunge for your face yeah it's
27:48Fucking he's actually 72 years old yeah
27:54I'm so impressed i'm used to dealing with lads who cleaned their face with a scrub daddy
27:58I've never
28:03I need to move up in the world
28:05Yeah
28:07Um guys what are you doing in the morning
28:10Look by the way look how i'm acting at that skin
28:12Like i wash my face
28:16Sometimes you know sometimes some mornings it's hard
28:19My wife puts that um is it like a blackhead strip what is that blackhead strip
28:24I don't know what it is but every time is every time she puts it on
28:28She insists that she's the one to take it off
28:31And when she peels it she does the same thing every time she peels it looks at it and says
28:35disgusting
28:38So you know yeah very satisfying though
28:41Did she rip it off like quick or slow
28:44It depends on the mood
28:46Got it i think what i'm my plan is to um
28:50Two-step skincare and then just eventually get a gorgeous korean facelift yeah
28:55Wow how how we can all be doing it
28:59I want it they just yank you up
29:01Yeah yank you right all right the problem is where did the folds go
29:05Who cares about the folds okay goes into the back of your ears right
29:08I love my eyes on my head i want to so much plastic surgery when they cremate me i won't
29:11burn i'll just
29:14Just melt
29:20I just shrink remember those crisp packets in the 90s you used to put in the oven they just shrink
29:27That would be me fingers crossed that's my goal
29:31Yeah it's a good goal i like it
29:33I want my eyes at the top of my head
29:35I want my ass on my back that's what i want
29:40Um jeff you've starred obviously in oscar-nominated wicked the biggest musical film in recent memory
29:50And i don't know whether this is true but please say it is that occasionally you would look down the
29:56lens
29:56And speak directly to the editor and say i like that take or is that true yes i would do
30:02takes i was trying to do a good job and sometimes
30:05As was my want to do i think is the phrase i would after a take i would go uh
30:10and he would go and cut okay
30:13Yeah jeff says uh myron karstein that's uh that's i say that's that's a good one just so you know
30:19our editor's called steve he's happy with any notes you have
30:23Yeah that's your camera over there if you've said something that you're particularly proud of you just say steve add
30:29Yes i think i've been lively tonight steve and i say any any genuine moment that especially i like the
30:37spontaneous ones
30:38Where there's a real connection which i've felt strongly with us so i say so far anything is uh
30:44Good for the show fine thank you steve will take that
30:48Good steve i trust you completely steve
30:52James i love the fact we were chatting earlier and you said
30:56Your favourite thing is when you're acting is watching the person who is acting right in front of like sometimes
31:00you're
31:00And i love when actually when you're so in awe yeah oh man sometimes like sometimes really good acting just
31:06Makes it all seem seamless and all that kind of stuff sometimes you're working with somebody who's just
31:10Does something so good you're like yeah oh my god and i was like that with your husband oh really
31:16Not that we acted together but like i i would go in he's yeah no he wouldn't let me
31:23Just say here your husband is just tell the group
31:27You're married too just so you know
31:32I'm sorry to have to tell you this but um you have all this and be married to tom hanks
31:37Yes i am um and i yep he does deserve that
31:42I don't know why i do this thing sometimes when i get around famous people
31:46When they kind of go like hey what's up what are you going to get for lunch and they've just
31:49been totally normal and i'm like
31:50I feel so uncomfortable
31:53And i go into this weird sort of over like almost put on working class thing when i'm like all
31:59right man i know i'm going to get some chips or something
32:01I mean i'm going to get like i drive a punto
32:06How would you drive a ferrari eh i'm brilliant i'm going to get some bread with butter
32:12I'm going to get some caviar and i don't know why that happens
32:15Yeah of course i don't like it it's a bit like you know it's weird when you really fancy somebody
32:20Yeah but early on you know with the first person i found somebody so badly when i was 17
32:24He was spake to me and i would just be sick
32:26I had that character in south park he was like everything
32:33Gus before you got into comedy and before uh all of this you were a teacher
32:40I was a teacher what kind of a teacher were you a shit one
32:47I don't believe that i just don't believe that what do i believe i believe that
32:56What did you teach well here's the thing so when you do your pgce yeah uh specializing teaching
33:04you you you do that in a specific subject or set of subjects
33:09I never got around to teaching those specific sets of subjects
33:13So like i was basically like a really good
33:16Big brother forward slash that fun uncle around school and i would like to hope
33:21To think maybe that i had contributed in a positive way to the children of grace academy in coventry if
33:26i didn't and you fail your gcse's i apologize
33:29That is the plot to school of rock without the music
33:33Can i tell you something yeah your students loved you did they love me they loved you
33:38Do you like to say hello to one no stop it i'm gonna cry shut the front i'm gonna cry
33:42It's in man
33:43Oh
33:44What
33:46Hey Mr. Khan
33:48Hello
33:49Yes
33:52Come here you y'all
33:54Come here
34:01Can he?
34:03You're 25 now
34:05I've got seas
34:06Come here
34:33Yes
34:35Yes
34:36There's a lot of stories about how brilliant you were i don't want to embarrass you we've gone a bit
34:40um
34:41Weird but
34:42But you were much better than your saying because simran what did he do for you?
34:50You know what, as you see Mr Khan, yeah, in TV,
34:54it was just like how he was in school, yeah?
34:57I remember the first time I had him in a class, yeah?
35:00He goes, Oi, Simran, come here.
35:03And I was like, I thought I was in trouble, right?
35:05And he was like, I can't be asked to do the presentation,
35:08slide the next button, you sit there and you do it for me.
35:13I was like, see, right?
35:15But then, the thing is, I was quite shy
35:17up until I had Mr Khan as my teacher.
35:20And again, he was that fun uncle vibes, right?
35:23Where he made me feel comfortable and I started to gain a bit of confidence from that.
35:27But even after he left, knowing what he pursued
35:31was enough to inspire myself to pursue something different.
35:36You know, when you come from Coventry
35:38and you come from a South Asian background,
35:40you're not always pushed to do something creative.
35:42So now, you know, I went to uni, I passed, yeah.
35:45I got art degree!
35:49What art degree?
35:49I got art degree!
35:51And, and, and...
35:53And, yeah, it was like...
35:54You contributed more than you think.
35:57Oh!
35:59Come on!
36:03How old are the family? What are you OK?
36:07Nafiz, tell us about Mr Khan.
36:08Nafiz, why are you sweating so much?
36:12I don't know what I'm allowed to say and not allowed to say in it.
36:16The brother's got tulips in his inside pocket.
36:17I don't know what it is.
36:21Now, you know what it is?
36:21This guy, he made us all feel like you can go out
36:24and do anything that you want.
36:27Coventry's, Coventry's going for tulips.
36:28So, everyone...
36:31Really?
36:32Well done.
36:33Everyone there in some sort of florist,
36:35one way or another, no one...
36:38No one really thinks of Coventry and thinks,
36:40oh, yeah, like, someone's going to come out of there.
36:42So to see somebody go out and do it, like,
36:44I'll be the first one to say it.
36:45And everyone in Coventry has guzzers backing.
36:47Like, we're super proud of what you've done.
36:49APPLAUSE
36:57Now, we are nearly at the end of the show.
37:00I cannot express this enough that we are deeply unqualified
37:04to answer questions, but lovely people in the audience
37:07have questions.
37:09And so, anybody who has a question, please.
37:13Um, yes, sir.
37:14Yeah, so, hello, my name is Balder.
37:17I've got a dating question.
37:18I've just recently started dating someone...
37:21No, I'm married.
37:22LAUGHTER
37:28Sorry, sorry.
37:29No, I've just recently started dating this girl.
37:33And I think it's going really well, you know?
37:34But I'm afraid that maybe she's into, like, star signs.
37:40No, get out.
37:40Well...
37:42Is that a red flag?
37:44When was she born?
37:46LAUGHTER
37:47I don't know.
37:48But, you know, the irony is that we met filming a music video
37:51and she was literally in a star-shaped costume.
37:55Oh!
37:55So, I don't know, like...
37:56Oh, that feels like a classic Sagittarius.
38:00LAUGHTER
38:02First of all, we said we wouldn't bring this here.
38:05LAUGHTER
38:07APPLAUSE
38:09I love music!
38:13You said you were just coming to support me tonight.
38:16LAUGHTER
38:17I mean, why would that be...
38:19Why would that be a bad thing?
38:22LAUGHTER
38:23I think somebody being into star signs is a big red flag for me.
38:29This is going to go down badly.
38:31If you'd made me guess, I'd have guessed you're into star signs, Claudia.
38:34LAUGHTER
38:34Is that true?
38:36I could burst into two.
38:38LAUGHTER
38:38That's almost the most offensive thing that anybody has ever said to me.
38:43Let's go deep on this.
38:45We want to hear it.
38:45Where is the trauma?
38:46Why do we not like star signs?
38:48This was my last show!
38:52I've talked about your podcast!
38:55LAUGHTER
38:58APPLAUSE
38:59I've done everything I had to do.
39:02I...
39:03Can I say this?
39:05But we won't put it out.
39:06I think people who believe in star signs are sick.
39:10LAUGHTER
39:16APPLAUSE
39:18LAUGHTER
39:19LAUGHTER
39:22Oh, my God!
39:24Yes, here we go.
39:25Go on, darling.
39:26My question is, I want to tell people when they're being annoying
39:31to help them be less annoying, but then I look like a... a bitch.
39:36LAUGHTER
39:37So, what's the best way to handle this?
39:40When you say people, how many people are we talking about?
39:44I mean, it happens every day.
39:46Like, there's a lot of...
39:47There's a lot of people I would like to tell that to.
39:50LAUGHTER
39:51Well, the adage would be, if you meet three arseholes before noon,
39:55you're the arsehole.
39:56LAUGHTER
39:59APPLAUSE
40:06It's tough love.
40:08LAUGHTER
40:09I didn't know it was going to go this way.
40:13LAUGHTER
40:14Would you like a gentler piece of advice?
40:17No, it's all right.
40:19LAUGHTER
40:19I'm so sorry.
40:20I think you've learned something.
40:22LAUGHTER
40:23Me too.
40:24And that's what life's about.
40:26LAUGHTER
40:28I mainly do dick jokes.
40:30OK.
40:30LAUGHTER
40:31No, I like this, Jimmy, as well.
40:33Wow.
40:34What do you do?
40:35I feel like I should...
40:35What do you do?
40:36My best.
40:38LAUGHTER
40:41APPLAUSE
40:44APPLAUSE
40:48What do you do for living?
40:49I'm training to be a therapist.
40:52LAUGHTER
40:54I mean...
40:57I mean...
40:58I'm not sure if it's the job for you.
41:06Everybody else?
41:08My question is, what do you think is the meaning of life?
41:16LAUGHTER
41:19LAUGHTER
41:20I like it.
41:22I...
41:22I...
41:23I'm surprised by it.
41:25And let's run with it.
41:26Rafe?
41:27LAUGHTER
41:30LAUGHTER
41:33Um...
41:33APPLAUSE
41:35LAUGHTER
41:36Is that alcohol?
41:37Yes, it's good.
41:38Yes, it's good.
41:39LAUGHTER
41:40LAUGHTER
41:41LAUGHTER
41:42LAUGHTER
41:43LAUGHTER
41:43LAUGHTER
41:48Good friendships.
41:50Enjoyment of food.
41:53Um...
41:54Acceptance of death.
41:55LAUGHTER
41:56Oh, that's...
41:57Be cool about death.
41:58Be cool about death.
42:00Yeah, that's it.
42:01Wow.
42:01That's really good.
42:03APPLAUSE
42:05That's...
42:05That's really good.
42:07Thank you so much.
42:09APPLAUSE
42:09OK, we've got one...
42:10One final question.
42:13APPLAUSE
42:13Oh, there we go.
42:14There we go.
42:19APPLAUSE
42:25LAUGHTER
42:26LAUGHTER
42:32LAUGHTER
42:34LAUGHTER
42:34LAUGHTER
42:34LAUGHTER
42:35LAUGHTER
42:37You people are fucking crazy.
42:39LAUGHTER
42:41LAUGHTER
42:42Yes, you in the pink.
42:43Oh, my God.
42:46Oh, my God.
42:49LAUGHTER
42:50LAUGHTER
42:52LAUGHTER
42:53LAUGHTER
42:53Is that...
42:53What?
42:55Is that how we talk?
42:56Yeah.
42:56Have some respect.
42:57OK, go on.
42:59LAUGHTER
43:01LAUGHTER
43:02LAUGHTER
43:03Josh, would you like to answer that, please?
43:05Um...
43:06I think you should put the perfume bottle in something first.
43:10LAUGHTER
43:10LAUGHTER
43:10LAUGHTER
43:12LAUGHTER
43:14APPLAUSE
43:14APPLAUSE
43:15Thank you so much for watching.
43:18Good night.
43:19APPLAUSE
43:20That's just lovely.
43:23APPLAUSE
43:25APPLAUSE
43:28APPLAUSE
43:29APPLAUSE
43:29APPLAUSE
43:29Bye, Bobby.
43:30APPLAUSE
43:30Bye, Bobby.
43:37APPLAUSE
43:38That's what he does.
43:40APPLAUSE
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