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00:03it's just so sad what's going on sass has been posting up on that bench for three days
00:08pathetically waiting for joan she said she'd be back november 28th that's the day the lovers in
00:11a steamboat rom-com finally kissed but unlike the plucky heroine and chubby waters this woman
00:15clearly has no intention of returning someone needs to just set him straight we can't have him
00:19sitting out on that bench all day i know poor guy no i mean he's in direct view of my
00:23pondering
00:23window i don't want to be looking at that sad sack while i ponder agreed we should say something
00:26um hey guys hey sass there's a slugger i'm starting to worry that uh joan's not coming back that maybe
00:32she doesn't like me anymore uh is that crazy no he's obsessed with you right so should i go back
00:40out there and wait or absolutely okay although maybe you should be waiting at the bench at the
00:45back of the house if memory serves i believe last time she arrived from the south yeah good call okay
00:50thanks guys poor schmuck somebody should really say something oh man last night was rough
00:56well the dishwasher broke at my age and then sass came into my dreams to whine about joan
01:00again sass isn't here oh boy oh sorry for bending your ear jay oh also natalie portman was in his
01:05dream last night again you know sass now that jay has so callously brought it up it does seem like
01:10joan might not be coming back yes it's obvious i'm sorry i know that's difficult here oh you guys
01:15are right i'm such an idiot and why is love so hard guess who's getting married oh my god eric
01:20proposed
01:21no but he's going to imminently get this he called me asked me if my nails were done
01:24and said he's coming to visit tomorrow and last week he asked me for my ring size i'm so happy
01:29for you oh let me also note that there are no employee or family discounts for weddings at the
01:32mansion jay taylor i'm so excited for you it is kind of a bummer i know what's coming though
01:35i guess i just always imagined that my proposal would be a surprise
01:38well your proposals don't always go the way you expect them to go when i proposed to sam it was
01:42a bit
01:42of a mess but ultimately it didn't matter because it's not about the proposal uh-huh
01:47that a hotel's a center so have you given any thought to a maid of honor
01:50you know what's crazy i've never even been one seriously sam so thirsty yeah i don't actually
01:56know if we're gonna do wedding parties incredible that question was so uncomfortable it caused
01:59barely to abandon wedding parties completely oh i would be so born to be a ghost in a house
02:03of a socially adept living we are lucky i've started in the basement peter those freaks sleep
02:08standing up well no one's forcing you to live down there i have to establish residency i lost the
02:13upstairs primary now my only chance at winning the ghost representative election lies in my securing
02:17the nomination of the basement ghost how do you sleep standing up i don't i haven't and the only
02:22thing worse than the nights are the days with the wall-to-wall water heater talk you heard that
02:26gurgle oh that's a pretty good gurgle isaac why are you doing this to yourself even if you win the
02:31position doesn't even mean that much it means everything peter i'm an elected official who's
02:35never won an election maybe you can get sam to move a cop down there for you no no no
02:39no if i'm to
02:40win their vote i need to show that i'm one of them a man of the people you see peter
02:49isaac isaac yes gurgles heard the gurgle and the order for the new dishwasher has been placed which
02:56is the least exciting thing i've ever spent money on my dishwasher slept with my husband wait you're
03:00complaining i'm such an idiot what happened eric's not coming there's no engagement i got completely
03:06sasapist what was that sasapist some people are using it as a sort of catch-all if we're experiencing
03:11profound romantic disappointment what's going on eric just called and said he's canceling his trip
03:14he said he had an architecture emergency this term made the leap to the livings when something's
03:19catchy bro you should be flatter and get this the reason he asked my ring size is because he's getting
03:24us his and hers bowling balls well you know oh no jay's terrible at civil alliance it's almost the
03:29weekend that ain't even connected what is wrong with him i can't believe i thought he was gonna propose
03:32i just paid a woman a hundred dollars to put snail mucus all over my face snail mucus jay in
03:37my day
03:37we powdered our faces with lead and arsenic we didn't know we didn't care we looked incredible
03:41i'm gonna go watch some bowling tutorials because that's my life now just a sad bowling lady with
03:46great skin and a well-fit ball dgif oh just stop she's gonna be so surprised what are you talking
03:52about eric didn't cancel he just pretended to cancel so he could surprise her i called him and gave him
03:55the idea babe i don't think this is something you should be getting involved in oh come on i just
03:59want
03:59bella to love her proposal it's something that only happens once it's a big deal does this have
04:02something to do with our proposal no that's a yes okay first of all obviously i wasn't planning on
04:07doing it on the tarmac at jfk after a baby puked in your lap what the hell i was gonna
04:11do it in the
04:11bahamas but then i pulled out a napkin from my pocket and also accidentally the ring and then you saw
04:16the
04:16ring and then you said a bunch of swear words and you said i guess you know i want to
04:19marry you and
04:20i love that that's our story jay i really do but we have the chance to give bella one that
04:24makes her
04:24really happy so why not try okay you know what i had planned was pretty cool by the way mark
04:29the
04:30contractor he proposed in a rite aid so now he's just listing worse proposals this is not where you
04:34want to be bro well well well the gal goes out for an evening cheese sniff and what does she
04:58find
04:58a stinker i can explain oh you're not one of us you're a lay down cushion boy and you're never
05:03going to be our ghost representative no i'm a man of the people oh you're a man of the couch
05:07oh
05:08nancy wait i was just resting my eyes i love being prone nancy
05:22oh it's so beautiful and it fits the bowling ball fits
05:28hey there mayla um i'm sass sass what are you doing here i can go into people's dreams it's not
05:33a big
05:33deal but it is a dear one power anyway i just came to check on you i heard about the
05:37whole
05:37engagement disappointment it's really nice of you look i get it i've been going through kind of a
05:42tough time myself
05:47tomorrow is gonna be so fun i can't wait to see the look on bayla's face yeah i just i
05:51hated seeing
05:51her so upset jay it's one night then she'll have the rest of her life to be happy nothing bad
05:55is gonna
05:56happen because of one night of disappointment i mean maybe he'll never propose well he'd be an idiot
05:59because you're awesome oh you're awesome
06:05i'm so lonely me too
06:11good morning babe anybody get engaged yet all eric would say on the phone is that it's definitely
06:15happening today and it's gonna be incredible hey uh sam can i talk to you absolutely sass isn't here
06:19um okay don't really know how to say it so i'm gonna come out with it i hooked up with
06:23jay sister
06:24what how what's happening in her dream i went in there to commiserate and you know one thing led
06:29to another sass and bayla hooked up in her dream oh god that crazy bitch did it she finally hooked
06:34up with the ghost this is bad this is very bad well hold on nothing really happened it was just
06:39a
06:39dream interesting okay i want to go on this journey with you because it makes my sister less crazy and
06:43mitigates his natalie portman problem but i also have to point out that none of this would have
06:46happened if you hadn't meddled in her engagement what's he talking about what engagement
06:49bayla said that eric's not proposing bayla was mistaken because our friend sam engineered a delay in the
06:53proposal for the purpose of setting up a surprise oh my god i'm a homewrecker from version to
06:57homewrecker in a matter of months what a journey i'm sorry jay and sass but i do believe we have
07:01a bit of a loophole some moral wiggle room if you will with the whole hooking up with a ghost
07:05in a
07:05dream thing okay i can't believe i wasn't the first ghost i'll cover the living it was my destiny
07:09but what if bayla feels guilty and tells eric that'll blow up the whole proposal so let's get ahead
07:14of it we'll talk with bayla and reassure her that she's done nothing wrong wrong no weird yes and
07:18then everything will be back on track and bayla and eric will be engaged and i'll be the maid of
07:21honor
07:22and i'll push for a fall wedding because i'm an autumn her eyes went black when she said that it
07:27was terrifying all right isaac we discussed your situation and came to a decision there was a large
07:32contingent that wanted to kick you out of the basement but we think you deserve a chance to
07:35prove yourself of course anything name it okay if you want to stay in the basement then you got to
07:39participate in one of our most cherished rituals fight club fight club you don't know about fight
07:45club it's the best i'm sorry you've been peter yeah i never miss it
07:55god i love blood sport so are you in i yeah sure i am in i will watch my club
08:03and cheer with great
08:03fervor oh you're not watching buddy you're fighting what
08:08um so this is a new dishwasher yeah apparently it has wi-fi why i don't know uh bayla we
08:15wanted
08:15to talk with you about something we know about what happened with you and sass and we don't think
08:20you should feel bad about it but it's fine to feel bad that the hookup was with your backup ghost
08:23i actually don't feel that bad i mean the way eric canceled on me yesterday he clearly doesn't care
08:27yeah about that eric didn't actually cancel on you he just pretended to cancel
08:30why would he do that because sam is a psychopath because he wanted to surprise you
08:34i can't believe this so i cheated on eric with my backup ghost oh yeah second sass here's the
08:39thing we think what happened between you and sass falls in this dreamy ghosty gray area so wait
08:45eric's still coming to propose yes and you don't think i need to tell eric about this whole hooking
08:49up with sass thing we just feel like it's gonna hurt him it does it hurts eric i'm in the
08:54box
08:59surprised wait where's the dishwasher oh uh i installed it for you oh damn it he's a good
09:04guy i just got an email from the dishwasher said it's starting the rinse cycle yeah programmed it
09:14i can't believe you hooked up with a ghost and i prefer to ask you to marry me past tense
09:18not looking
09:18good samantha i was upset i was expecting a proposal and then it seemed like you weren't coming eric
09:23please i don't even care about sass i felt like we shared something but i understand you're making
09:26a point babe the dishwasher's asking if we have any rinse aid i'm sorry baila but your attraction
09:30to ghosts is really triggering for me i need some space to think
09:37hmm so what am i doing the dishwasher
09:40it's the night we've all been waiting for it's fight club in this corner is isaac
09:50boo we love the boos because they fuel your inner rage demon
09:53yeah well what if you don't have one and if this corner is isaac i thought he was a support
10:03column
10:03now fight yeah i can't do this i can't do it what i can't do it isaac what isaac what
10:10isaac what
10:10you're always telling stories about how you surrendered in this battle but if these people are
10:13gonna follow you then you need to be a leader and i know there's a leader in you you got
10:16this
10:18thank you peter i guess it's true what they say huh the bigger they are the harder they fall
10:34there we go mr tree there we'll give you a happy little friend there that's nice that's very nice
10:41i love what you're doing there oh great it says well you know what now these are all sad little
10:47trees i don't know what that means but what do you want sass you're interrupting my bob ross dream
10:49i want you to forgive baila okay so she had a meaningless hookup in a dream is that really
10:53so threatening very much so some women are into pool boys and personal trainers well mine's got
10:57it bad for ghosts eric don't throw away something just because of a misunderstanding okay you can still
11:02save this why do you care so much because i'm in love with this roman ghost named joan and all
11:06i
11:06want to do is tell her how i feel but i can't because i'm stuck here i'm sorry malice
11:10that's tough it is but you can go for what you want and that is such a gift so if
11:15you want to
11:15marry baila go for it oh honey it's beautiful you show real promise oh this is my mom a mom
11:21this is
11:22a ghost who hooked up with my girlfriend oh nice to meet you pleasure how you feeling humiliated defeated
11:29embarrassed a failed politician that rejected a group so reviled they were locked away and left to die
11:35that's us little tip if a man's opening a door for you but holding a hammer and shouting get in
11:40the
11:40pest house that is not chivalry what are you doing here nancy look isaac obviously you didn't win
11:45but you showed guts literally at one point you ripped out your spleen and held it up like a trophy
11:49that was so cool the drunk's a showman did you just come here to glory in my defeat i came
11:54up here to
11:54tell you you earned my respect you earned everyone's respect in the basement i did sure the trunk wiped the
11:59floor with you but you took them on and you never gave up which is what being a basement ghost
12:03is all
12:03about how so i don't know man do you want to keep living down there or not i do well
12:09then enough
12:10laying around on this poofy princess pad let's get down to the basement your public awaits did you hear
12:15that peter i have a public i'm happy for you so what did i miss today oh there was a
12:21big gurgle earlier
12:22we think it may have been sam shaving her legs in the shower about time right yeah winter months are
12:27lean girdle wise bela what are you doing here so early i couldn't sleep so i thought i'd just start
12:34work diving into labor to avoid emotional pain this is why our best workers were orphans i'm so sorry
12:38bela i just can't believe i have to start all over again even if i met someone tomorrow then what
12:41it's
12:42a year before we move in together and then another year before we get engaged then we have to plan
12:45the
12:45wedding and then it's like three more years before we have kids i just don't want to be back at
12:50the
12:50starting line i hear you but in all that i didn't hear you mention eric's name once what do you
12:55mean i get that it's scary to start over but if avoiding that is the reason you want to marry
12:59eric
12:59maybe you're settling maybe what's that in dispute what if i was settling is that so bad yes it is
13:05bela because you're the best and you deserve the best oh jay oh it's too bad these two are siblings
13:12they were cousins i'd really be rid of him i guess i have to officially break up with eric
13:16well that's not gonna be a fun conversation i'm here again oh hell no yes again
13:24oh i'm not produce i'm so sorry eric eric what do we do did we just stay in here are
13:30your parents
13:31here yeah i flew them out for the proposal surprise hey guys good to see you out and about steve
13:38so
13:38sweetie what do you want me to do about the hot air balloon we should probably let the company know
13:42i've seen bodies get cut to tiny pieces and dumped in the east river this is more painful to watch
13:50jay what is all this it's a do-over we're in the bahamas and we're drinking this okay i miss
13:57drinking right a cocktail and some of my roommates adhd pills pretty nice little tuesday okay i think
14:03this is going to take too long um we finish it and there's a ring at the bottom and you're
14:07like oh
14:08my god what should be like that or what should be passed out on the floor okay so i had
14:12to dig deep
14:13into my old yahoo account to find my original proposal come on buddy we're rooting for you we
14:17may not have found a charmander in pokemon go but i found something even better in real life
14:23a sam mander and unlike tom brady's football in the afc championship game
14:28my love for you will never deflate okay i forgot how referencey this was let me just skip to the
14:33end
14:34i love you sam i want to spend the rest of my life with you will you marry me yes
14:42and this is the proposal that i had always dreamed of what really matters is i get to spend my
14:47life
14:47with the most wonderful man in the world
15:15i'm sorry but this town ain't big enough for the both of us
15:20what's going on sam's getting an update on the sales of our book well her book since the news is
15:24bad so what does that mean sharon well it means we won't do a second printing unless things pick up
15:29significantly but i have a thought to drum up some publicity here comes the playboy ask i think you
15:33just do it honestly while we're still asking you did a podcast with todd perlman right no but i did
15:38once to acid with a todd run grip i'm sorry do you think you're on the zoom she's talking about
15:41creepy todd uh yeah the alberta haynes murder pod it was number 93 on spotify on jazz related murder
15:46pods not to brag was that bragging well as you're probably aware pod has become a huge deal in the
15:50podcast space and if you were able to book an appearance on the todd pod it could be a game
15:54changer dear god the thing is the last time i saw him we didn't exactly leave off on a great
15:58note
15:58sam codblock i'm in touch how to put movies on alberta's descendant the last author he had on
16:02the todd pod tripled her book sales in one pump interesting let's huddle on our end we'll circle
16:06back but like what if he won't put me on the pod sharon well then i think perhaps we've reached
16:10the
16:10end of the line for your book okay i'll let you know what he says thanks for hopping on we
16:14appreciate your
16:14time and we look forward to next steps she can't hear you woman we appreciate your time and we
16:18look forward to next steps what the hell happened to todd his skin glow like belly of trout oh i'll
16:24tell you what happened to this man money it is the great cure all todd i just want to start
16:28by
16:29apologizing i know we didn't leave things on the best of terms please i didn't come all the way from
16:32altoona to tell you that i was still mad it's water under the bridge in fact you guys were right
16:36to
16:36call me out i was becoming way too obsessed with alberta he's not the first and he won't be the
16:39last
16:40currently afflicted i was spiraling truth is i hit a wall with my research so strange there's nothing
16:44in the historical record about alberta haynes prior to 1923 i know from interviews a bit about
16:49her early years but there's no paper trail no record of her arriving in new york i mean she had
16:53to live and work in the city what was she doing who was she with where did she go yeah
16:57he seemed
16:58over you but none of that matters now because i've redirected that energy and i put it all into
17:03the todd pod well it's paying off for you i mean these guests are getting lebron chalamet that
17:08economist whose episode i also totally listened to enough with the chit chat inquire if that's a
17:12hair transplant then get to the book so uh like i mentioned on the phone i would love for you
17:16to
17:16consider having me on how about we grab lunch i need to know more about your process your inspiration
17:21i mean sure there's a pod in you but is there a todd pod in you maybe it's the girl
17:27dad and me talking
17:27but i would not go to a second location alone with this man um why don't we have lunch at
17:31jay's
17:31restaurant the food's amazing and jay will be nearby with access to a lot of knives
17:37alberta you have a moment sure we'll shake a door oh yeah creepy todd bring up that he unable to
17:41find information about you prior to certain date well that get thor to remember something because
17:46thor brain good okay you once mentioned that alberta not your real name was throwaway comet but
17:53thor can't help but think that maybe two facts related so what if they are so tell thor secret why
18:00because thor put together pieces like clumbo or steve from blue schools why i ain't telling you
18:04nothing thor then thor will just remind other ghosts in the house without blood to not your real name
18:08and how that line up with what todd say don't you even think about getting everyone riled up i don't
18:12want everyone hounding me well then you know what you must do tell thor everything okay fine the reason
18:20i changed my name is because i killed a man and you're ashamed because it's just one person you killed
18:28it to yourself okay okay fine you got it alice ah i ain't telling you the real name you get
18:33one
18:34secret that's all you're getting you have my word stop wow you had vince vaughn on the todd pod great
18:42guy i'm actually using his decorator at my house nice you moved out of your mom's house no i bought
18:46the house from her but now i live in my basement why won't this man live above ground jay these
18:50samosas
18:50are incredible am i tasting a hint of macadamia actually i fry them in macadamia and nut oil what a
18:56palette todd but let's talk colonial vampire i am biased but honestly it was my favorite book of
19:02the year well he's only read two that and the unauthorized biography of chewbacca difficult
19:05childhood but chewbacca command on top so sam why was this the story you were dying to tell
19:10well uh i like historical fiction the vampire thing was just sort of a gimmick to please the publisher
19:16oh i was actually responding to the vampire stuff that's not surprising for someone who lives in a cave
19:20smith may i talk to you for a second excuse me i'll be right back wait uh um speaking of
19:25books
19:26have you read the new chewbacca biography wookie of the year yeah i loved it hey ola i'm gonna
19:31stand near you to talk to a ghost no problem smith what is going on over there that man wants
19:35passion
19:35he wants pizzazz i know it's hard to wow in that outfit but that is what the moment demands
19:38wait is that todd pearlman yeah oh that creep passed me out in college oh right you went to penn
19:43state altoona campus it was a townie who lived with his mom well now he's a wildly successful
19:46podcaster his mom lives with him have you ever heard of the todd pod that's him he must be loaded
19:51is he single should have gone to medieval times with him when i have the chance and that's why
19:54i named the restaurant after my father maesh that's incredible every step of the way he fought you
19:58following your passion but it was his risk-taking and moving here that inspired your own bold gamble
20:03that is a great way of putting that these two are really connecting it's nice when men can talk about
20:07their feelings except for gordon lightfoot who never shut up about them sorry about that now where were
20:12you oh that's right a tale about bats and blood tea and taxation razzle let me stop you right there
20:18i am gonna do my next todd pod here yes that's amazing but not about you or your book what
20:23this
20:24next todd pod is gonna dive deep into jay the razzle came too late too late
20:33what the hell was that j i'm so sorry sam there's no way i could have seen that coming what's
20:38happening
20:38jay charmed the pants off of creepy todd and now it's about he whom todd wants to pod there's a
20:41simple
20:42solution here babe i'm just gonna tell him i don't want to do his podcast he came here to feature
20:45you and that's what's gonna happen there you go jay jumps on the grenade sam gets her pity pod
20:49everyone's happy well i don't want a pity pod yes we do need i remind you that without this podcast
20:53appearance our book is finished and with it my story and with that any chance of an eventual garish
20:58broadway musical based on my story sticks couldn't be out you know who'd be really good for the
21:02musical version hugh jackman no we're not so gusting up with movie stars i have integrity now let's
21:07suck up to that creepy toenail collector and secure that pity pod hello there pete
21:11i've got some interesting news that he just learned but he promised sableta he not safe
21:16oh okay i respect that well on the other hand last promise sableta made to thor she'd break
21:21i speak of course of the saga of the revenge bear sorry is this gonna take a while because the
21:26queen
21:27bee just left the colony and the worker bees are going nuts peter young girlfriend alberta
21:32is a murderer sort of of just one man what also a real name not alberta or alice or math
21:38so don't
21:39bother trying to guess those i can't believe this she told you this yeah then she'd tell thor not to
21:43tell anyone but thor have other plans revenge bale revenge
21:50so this is where it happens this is the genius's lair that dude's gonna bang this kitchen can i help
21:56you
21:57oh hi todd perlton i'm gonna be featuring jay on an upcoming episode of my todd pod no way that's
22:02you you had colin farrell on recently colin farrell i put that penguin on a leash hi hey we need
22:07to
22:07talk oh hi mark great news on the project yeah about that while i am deeply flattered i don't think
22:12i'm gonna be able to do it what seriously sounds like a huge opportunity oh hey i didn't know there'd
22:16be
22:16anyone in here well wait a second todd from altoona bayla arendaker that's my maiden name which i still
22:23have single oh she's good oh yeah bail is my sister and she also works here anyway i really
22:29appreciate the offer but i think you should stick with the original plan to interview sam okay there
22:33was no promise they interview sam i came here with an open mind but i wasn't moved you move me
22:39jay
22:39he'll do the pot what what is there anything to think about this could be huge for the restaurant
22:42and that's good for sam too it's actually good for all of us oh mark is making some really strong
22:46points mean yeah i guess that's true great then it's that awesome i'll have my guys come in and set
22:51up the equipment bayla it was nice to see you on this side of the horseshoe curve oh my god
22:57todd
22:57that was a hilarious saltoona reference you should be a stand-up comedian the way she debases herself
23:01to land a rich husband i respect the hell out of it so i had a sort of interesting conversation
23:07with
23:07thor i don't know how else to say this he said that you killed a man damn it thor revenge
23:13bear revenge
23:14ah petty bitch yeah what's going on i don't want to talk about this beat look i know you lived
23:20a
23:20colorful life and that you hung around with some no good nicks but you're not a murderer are you
23:24pete you're missing a lot of context so then share it i don't want to can't we just move on
23:29i'll murder look my my marriage was riddled with secrets i was a cuckold i was an unknowing front for
23:35the mob i can't be in another relationship where someone's keeping secrets from me if i tell you it's
23:39change the way you see me forever i just want the truth fine i'll tell you the story about how
23:45i
23:45became alberta haynes i'm a little nervous but i love the dramatic pause what's all this todd's guys
23:54set this stuff up to record the pod jay's talk with todd must have worked you know what i'm coming
23:57around on jackman greatest showman maybe not but he's solid and he puts spots in seats hey didn't
24:03love the sound of that hey how'd it go with todd well i told him i didn't want to be
24:06on the show
24:06but he wouldn't take no for an answer seriously jay i was trapped mark was there and he insisted that
24:11i do it because of the publicity i can't believe this it's all slipping away at this rate we'll be
24:14lucky to get kevin klein do you think i want to spend four hours recording with creepy todd he was
24:20essentially stroking my kitchen counter it was unnerving ugh todd is the worst i hate that we need
24:25this freak's help hello hey todd uh i was just talking about my favorite kind of ice cream which
24:30is vanilla okay so this is why i wrote and she typed save it i heard everything hot mike
24:36todd we can explain no need you think i'm creepy obviously the podcast is off furthermore i will
24:41be instructing the todd mob that's what he calls his fans to take you down with an avalanche of one
24:45star reviews going avalanche ones but the snow they'll destroy your book your restaurant your bnb
24:50your hopes your dreams and your uber rating todd please can we just talk you had your chance to talk
24:55on the pod but now that chance is gone and don't even think about using my code to get a
24:59discount on
24:59a mattress he's going full scorched earth does anyone want to split this altuna style pizza with me
25:04oh my god todd i didn't even know you were here
25:12complete debasement to live in his basement so good
25:19all right here we go hold on to your arrow pete as you know i came to new york to
25:23pursue my dream of
25:23being a famous jazz singer but i wasn't an overnight success and i still had to pay the bills so
25:29you
25:29cleaned houses waited tables no pete my real name is esther green and i was a ventriloquist
25:37what you have to understand at that time ventriloquism was all the rage every day buses from all over
25:43the country arrived in new york full of people with a dummy and a dream did you have to book
25:46a second
25:47seat for the dummy or was it like a laugh child sorry travel agent brain continue so when singing
25:51wasn't panning out i gave ventriloquism a shot turns out i was a natural okay murray if you're so smart
25:59tell me what you see in the future wow in about 15 minutes i see a bunch of people asking
26:04for a refund
26:07murray you're terrible ah says a woman with her hand up my tongue but the more successful esther green and
26:13the magnificent murray got the further away i was from getting my dream i tried to pivot but the public
26:17doesn't like a pivot all right i think it's time for murray to have a time out okay for something
26:22a little different i esther green will be singing my rendition of a good man is hard to find
26:32i knew if i didn't do something drastic i'd be known as one half of esther and the magnificent
26:36murray for the rest of my life i never get to sing i never get to live my dream i
26:40knew i had to make a
26:41clean break i didn't want to have to be this way but it's either you or me no don't do
26:47it from that
26:48day on i left murray and esther behind i took on the name alberta haynes and i never looked back
26:53alberta
26:54you have nothing to be ashamed of you threw away a successful career to go after what you really
26:58wanted that takes guts i appreciate that but promise me you'll take this to your grave well you know what
27:04mean i'm proud of alberta haynes and i never want anything to jeopardize her legacy okay i promise
27:10so last question on this um are you open to any ventriloquist dummy role play i don't think so
27:15cheerfully withdrawn todd please can we just discuss this why would you want to discuss anything with
27:20a creepy freak i mean if you don't want to be painted with that brush maybe don't collect toenails todd
27:23you thought those were insults creep and freak no those are just terms of endearment yeah like hey
27:28let's eat brunch you creepy freak yeah yeah meet you there at noon you terrifying psycho just stop it
27:32the podcast is off and my followers are going to ruin all that you two hold sacred what's going
27:36on here they call todd creepy and how he vowed to exact revenge todd please there has to be something
27:40we can do there's nothing you two have that i want oh sam and j their business is ruined their
27:44dream shattered sam tell me no my real name are you sure no but if we'll help sam and j
27:49i'll do it
27:50also sort of basic don't talk me out of it i'm out of here todd wait i know alberta's real
27:54name
27:55what are you talking about that's why he can't find any record of me before 1923 i'll change my name
27:59the reason you can't find any record of her before 1923 is because she changed her name
28:02why why would she do such a thing oh we will be happy to tell you if you call off
28:06the todd mob
28:07and you do the podcast about sam no about both of us that's right the couple that bribes together
28:13thrives together no after jada and will i promised i would never do another couple's episode besides
28:17i'm over alberta i'm no longer obsessed with learning every juicy detail of her fascinating
28:21life and legacy are you sure because it's a doozy i don't like how he's twitching like that
28:27okay tell me i gotta know oh there's that creepy alberta obsessive we all know and love i'm a
28:32powerful drug and that's how esther green became alberta haynes but where's alberta haynes now
28:37that's the real mystery what a brave choice my alberta giving up the safety and stability of
28:42ventriloquism to test the unknown waters of jazz singing see i told you it was brave look i found an
28:47old picture of esther green hey that's alberta i know from the tattoo on todd's back which is not
28:52creepy wow incredible wait alberta is that your current hat on the dummy yeah i took it from
28:57murray's slintered corpse after the attack even though i want to bury my past i couldn't totally
29:01let go the truth is murray will always be a part of me that's really sweet alberta so wait here
29:06hat literal hat for dummy okay thorn this is best here for afterlife okay get it out your sister
29:14what dumber the dying dumb hat literal hat for dummy thank you alberta it's incredible
29:20for absolutely one night only i present esther green and her little pal pine cone pete
29:31hey why do i get sick and billy ah because you're the dummy dummy this is deeply weird wait
29:36people sound different yeah that's because alberta's doing the voice but her lips not moving
29:40looks like we got a second dummy here tonight watch your words plank on pete meet me
29:45i will cut at me i dare you alberta what are you doing
29:49and now thor is chopping pete in half repeatedly ouch oh that sounds like a tough watch not so funny
29:55now
29:56pine cone pete stop it's not me oh what's going on oh sam and j are on high alert for
30:02another
30:02christmas possession so they're playing it safe and not going near any electronics this year which
30:05i'm trying not to take personally i'm the reason your mother-in-law likes you now you ingrate
30:09so you just want me to plug this christmas village in uh-huh that's right better safe than sorry this
30:13puppy draws a lot of current you know i'm gonna have to charge you my regular rate plus the holiday
30:16surcharge yes we are aware of that alberta what are you doing i'm getting behind mark in case
30:21he gets shot them for mac you're trying to possess him but this is our first christmas together as a
30:24couple i'll move you together i'll just be a mark man it would be so cool to possess someone
30:29i've had the munchies for like half a century i'm a pacifist but i'd murder somebody for a pringle
30:33okay it was nothing
30:38huh damn it mama wanted a sazerac okay so i'll send you guys a bill
30:42merry christmas mark look trevor way in the back the orthodontist has a little menorah in the window
30:46i want to say that's an offensive stereotype but he looks a lot like dr rosenblad
30:50this dope seriously buying gifts on december 23rd that can be here by tomorrow it's like this every
30:55year when's he gonna learn okay you are not gonna believe this i just got off the phone with a
30:59publisher and apparently a booker on allday usa listened to my todd pod interview and he wants
31:03to include my book in a segment on last minute gift ideas it's crazy how long some people wait he
31:08didn't get you the jenny kane sweater because it was already sold out hope you enjoy your best buy gift
31:11card this is huge for our book me a stocking stuffer huzzah this is incredible babe i'm so proud of
31:17you
31:17and we go she'll be able to witness the interview in person for it shall take place here in the
31:20mansion that i built i mean you didn't actually do any of the labor i married the man that signed
31:24the checks that paid for the gruel that fueled those young child workers sort of a sad little
31:28nursery right i'm so nervous and so excited i mean national television what am i gonna wear
31:33maybe see what they have at the women's department at best buy
31:38it's so cozy everyone has hot cocoa in christmas town even that baby that don't seem safe
31:43we all have questions about gifts for flower what the hell i'll do that step back for a second
31:50thor i want to see something okay now come closer again oh this is wild thor your ghost power must
31:58be interacting with the electrical grid in christmas town yes thor feel power surging you
32:02buddy ow okay let's get you away from this thing before you burn down the whole house yeah
32:09wait what were you asking something about a christmas gift for flower yeah i really want
32:12to wow her but not know what to get well what you gonna last year coupon for intercourse and candle
32:17so
32:17yeah all set pretty high okay has flower mentioned anything particular she wants um world peace and
32:22also food job to mention how she had munchies for many years well unfortunately there's no way to enjoy
32:27food or sazerac short of possessing a living interesting so you're saying thor should help
32:31flower possess living for christmas i mean if you could pull that off that'd be a pretty amazing gift
32:35yes then it is decided four will get flower and living for christmas and sex coupon because
32:40traditional hello all the time you have got to learn how to enter a room woman oh i see it's
32:48not
32:48just the downstairs this room also reeks of christmas what are you so upset about uh the tree the
32:53decorations the general merriment that is so clearly afoot wait the merriment is a foot huh so stephen
33:00stills had a merriment fetish i'm confused don't puritans love christmas puritans love christmas
33:05oh i would laugh were that not a trick the devil uses to enter thine body no there is only
33:09one
33:09proper way to celebrate christmas which is not at all you see puritans believed that to revel was a
33:14gateway to sin up a lap it's time for another depressing history lesson so on christmas there was no mirth
33:19in
33:19sight shops remained open work continued unabated and you would be fined if we're doing anything even
33:24close to celebrating ah it was wonderful well you've given us all a lot to think about and then came
33:29the
33:29utensil oh it's still going fun how are you feeling babe you ready today's a big day i'm freaking out
33:36jay you should be nervous this interview is huge for both of us national television thousands of
33:40people could be watching it could be millions my god the 15 colonies must be bursting at the seams
33:45you've got this babe you can put the toothbrush down the mayor's car is clean why do you think
33:49he drives such a fancy car you think he's taking bribes for permits peppermits
33:54is this helping sam no i'm sorry jay i just really need to collect my thoughts all right
33:57but you're gonna do great babe do you think i know it oh i have permits that's that's good yeah
34:04i get
34:04it damn you got a moment she's kind of in a mood i'm a little busy thor just need little
34:09help with
34:10flower gift wanted to ask your opinion i'm sure whatever you have in mind is perfect okay but
34:14thor wants to tell you and then have extensive conversation where you tell thor how you feel
34:17about the idea you know what thor why don't you just let us all be surprised so we can experience
34:20the
34:20gift whatever it is along with flower yes great idea isaac surprise flowers surprise me
34:24and have a merry christmas okay and uh flower come in here oh it's happening right now hey flor what's
34:31up stand there by samantha okay what's going on
34:39what's going on
34:41oh dear
34:47whoa am i wearing a bra hey who shaved my pits man
34:53okay something very weird is going on is it less pink in here does it smell less like patchouli
34:58flower you are inside of sam this giant animal used his ghost power to channel electricity from the
35:03christmas village and hurl sam's body through you thus resulting in yet another christmas
35:07possession thor you did that for me oh no not all samantha has a very important interview about
35:13her book and we need you out of her body post haste interview or not your body
35:17thor what did you do samantha yeah it's me and you're in big trouble but you tell
35:22thor to surprise you yes because i didn't think you meant this okay so you were surprised sort of
35:27seemed like mission accomplished now that that misunderstanding is cleared up
35:29we can take care of this right okay flower i'm gonna drive you over the boundary and get you out
35:33of my body wait flower have munchies for many years please just let her eat one thing make
35:37fall's christmas gift complete fine flower you can have one thing but then i want my body back and
35:43i can't keep saying this every christmas okay flower it's your time to shine
35:50did it used to be more pink in here
35:52flower take a bite of cookie and satisfy munchies okay
35:58wow that is so good what's going on flower possess and bought a very generous christmas gift from four
36:07okay flower you've had your fun but it's time to go how long has you been in there
36:10go for a minute what that's not long enough samantha has a very important interview in an hour and she
36:14needs
36:14to focus an hour that's plenty of time flower listen to me run to the light and shut the door
36:18behind
36:18you no no there's not time whoa hey nancy how's it going please excuse my hairless pits okay nancy
36:26you're not being helpful right now i'm just looking after my girl when you possessed that workman back
36:30in the 1800s you were in that dude for days i do inside of a dude it's none of your
36:34business everyone
36:35stop this is not problem flower can have a fun then before interview she leaves sam's body right flower
36:43where's she go now where's i'm sonda with sam's body hell yeah drive it like you stole it flower
36:48oh whoa you disgust me fat man oh hey patience oh you left just in time they're upstairs singing
36:55the 12 days of christmas i had to get out of there trevor also have disdain for the vile celebration
36:59of
36:59this holiday i don't want to say anything in front of the others i prefer to let you corner the
37:02wet
37:02blanket market thank you just kind of my thing but if i'm being honest i'm not the biggest fan of
37:06christmas either really i was like the only jewish kid in my town growing up and so when the holidays
37:10were around i was thought a little like i didn't belong and in elementary school every christmas
37:13pageants they made me stand up alone and sing dreidel dreidel dreidel well patience understands
37:18it's like that winter when i was spared from the great pox but all of my siblings perished
37:23why not me yeah um not exactly the same thank you for talking with me trevor patience is
37:32enjoying herself yeah but not too much right val gets it so yeah flowers running around in a brand
37:39new sam suit oh that lucky son of a bitch mark that could have been us hi mark hey david
37:44is that
37:45woodstone that looks amazing i hope build it we've been working on it for the last few weeks mikey
37:50wants to be a contractor so we started with the gingerbread house what do we say after we're done
37:52we'll send you an invoice oh that is so cute you're not really charging me right oh today it's merry
37:57christmas hi gary from allday usa we're here to introduce sam arndaker that's gonna be difficult
38:03great well i'm jake sam's husband uh yeah she was around here sam sam i'll just go look for her
38:09follow this mellow burning bras you'll find her amanda you're an amazing person and the love that
38:15you put out into the universe is going to come back to you tenfold wow thank you i had no
38:21idea you were
38:21so spiritual yeah i once slept with the dalai lama's brother what is happening right now i'd say samantha
38:25got into my laudanum but i don't think it has that kind of shelf life oh hey how's it going
38:30man
38:31good say listen do you know anywhere that someone could score around here oh i just cook oh come on
38:36game i'm cool i heard pots a lot stronger these days i haven't smoked any since the 60s how old
38:41are you
38:42oh my god crazy bastard did it flower is that you yeah it's me hey guys what oh sorry i
38:47was just
38:48talking to my friend who used to be a virgin but he's invisible to you okay i want what you
38:52have why
38:52is the virgin thing jermaine what is going on or one to help flower possess someone for christmas and
38:57i guess he did oh so can you hook it up or not look i have something but it might
39:01be a little
39:02intense dude i used to party with bobby and jerry i hugged a bear after woodstock and lived to talk
39:07about it no no you didn't the point is i can handle it okay it's called mistletoe whoa you just
39:13put this
39:14under your tongue and when you see god tell him gabe said what's up flower here comes jay no oh
39:19god our
39:20heavenly father there you are we gotta get you back to the house then what are you doing back here
39:24oh i was
39:24just getting drugs from gabe it's hilarious come on let's go we should probably watch this oh hell
39:31yeah so then i said to goody mather that i could finish the quilt by sunrise oh my candle did
39:36burn
39:36low that night i love it you've got that grind mentality you know it i gotta say patience even
39:41though this is not my favorite season i'm having a pretty good time i guess it's true what they say
39:45misery loves company oh indeed she also loved making little corn husk dolls and saying the lord's
39:50prayer misery was a woman of many hobbies what's that oh it's a yiddish word yiddish is sort of like
39:57hebrew i've always had an interest in hebrew you know the language he spoke well i don't really know
40:02that much hebrew i can count to ten oh i would very much like to hear that sometime it's cool
40:07that
40:07you're so interested in jewish stuff i know a little about puritan stuff i went on a field trip to
40:11colonial village in the fifth grade my favorite part the butter churning i can never quite get it
40:17oh you're not gonna get butter like that no it is less of a circular motion more like this one
40:22two
40:23three it is important to keep a rhythm one two three perhaps count with me in the language of your
40:28people if that's what you want a god stein shalosh so i think this butter is firming oh i had
40:39it
40:41you know makeup is just a tool the patriarch uses to keep women down man are you okay babe oh
40:47wow
40:48your beard is so soft okay oh very happy you like christmas present but time to let sam do interview
40:54now flower and she's asleep hey ready for your stand sam you ready yeah man groovy
41:05this is gonna be a train wreck all right here we are walter this is sam hey walter storm all
41:09day
41:10usa very nice to meet you i have them set us up here in front of this gingerbread house pretty
41:13cool
41:13huh oh okay babe you got this can someone get him out of the shot okay flowers inside me do
41:21something
41:21oh uh hey actually can we just have five more minutes nope we're live in five four three
41:28and we're live here with author samantha arndegar to talk to her about her historical fiction book about
41:32vampires oh no not vampires they're scary what kind of historical research did you do for the
41:40novel um seven what team 17. i'm sorry tell him you unearthed previously undiscovered primary source
41:49documents i found something in the earth was that good uh moving on to theme what was it about vampires
41:57that uh pique your interest whoa is that a giant cookie house
42:01what is she doing to the gingerbread house i don't know the word the jimmy tastes amazing okay sweetie
42:09i think that's enough get your own cookie house man it's like watching godzilla trample candyland okay
42:17but the book is isaac higging tooth colonial vampire available online in a bookstore's map pick up yours
42:22today impressive composure under difficult circumstances he's a pro you made out with
42:28patience there was hebrew and churning things got out of hands we just could stop ourselves this is a
42:31wild turn of events and now i'm freaking out because you know it's patience purgans don't do casual
42:36hookups she probably thinks we're engaged now trevor we need to speak i wanted to talk about what
42:41happened earlier about our sensual union i should go please stay i have prayed on it and i have come
42:48to the conclusion that we cannot be together oh i mean oh no why not i do not want to
42:55hurt you but
42:56we come from two different worlds i do not think it could ever work out oh i was hoping for
43:01something
43:01serious but if that's how you feel i wish there was some other way for i am sad as well
43:06goodbye trevor
43:10no harm no foul yeah except you just got dumped by patients any chance that stays between us well
43:15would it be embarrassing for you if it got out a little i know okay sam i need flour here
43:20we go
43:27yay they're back i said i was sorry sam i don't want to hear it flower and you i can't
43:33believe you
43:33thor that was not cool big guy oh very sorry but maybe somehow this help book sales maybe now some
43:39sort of hot to a girl books you guys knew today was a big deal for me why didn't anyone
43:45do anything
43:45to help oh but samantha what could we do we're ghosts you know we love you sam we screwed up
43:49but
43:50can we just get to the part where you forgive us and can all have a merry christmas no not
43:53this time
43:54because that interview aired and just like you guys it'll be around forever don't know why we need
43:58to drag our immortality into this babe let's just go to sleep and calm down and tomorrow's another day
44:03exactly it's another day of living with this curse another chance for a ghost to ruin something
44:07that's important to me god i wish i had never gotten this power i wish i had never been able
44:11to see
44:12ghosts did thou at least like christmas gift what'd you get me you don't remember possessing sound
44:22what no oh but that would have been amazing i have had the munchies for like 50 years
44:33that would have been amazing
44:37jake
44:41hey guys
44:44oh okay i see giving me the silent treatment
44:49don't mind don't fall not sitting there
44:53what the hell
44:57what the hell was that
45:05hello jay
45:09surprise carol what are you doing here you got sucked off right and i've been having a blast up
45:14there i can't say too much but they have pickleball that's it that's all i'll say carol what is
45:18happening i'm your little christmas carol you see around christmas we carols are given special powers
45:23including the ability to grant wishes oh also we can give out candy canes i think there's been some
45:30sort of misunderstanding i didn't make a wish oh yes you did you said and i quote i wish i
45:35had
45:35never been able to see ghosts okay so why are you here i'm here to show you what your life
45:41would
45:42be like if you've never tripped on that face if you've never fallen down the stairs if you had
45:45never gained the ability to see ghosts wow so let's get this started sam you're coming with me
45:53oh that's supposed to whoosh us away but it's my first time hey i need to get some steps in
45:57anyway
45:57let's go you know carol i'm actually feeling a little silly about this whole wishing not to see
46:01ghosts thing holy crap am i day drinking with sasha and libby sam this eggnog is delicious and these
46:07gingerbread menu made so cute not to brag but i think this one is flirting with me look at you
46:11just
46:12enjoying a little christmas eve tipple with two of your closest gal pals but i don't get it sasha
46:15thinks i'm crazy no sasha thought you were crazy because she caught you performing a seance for the
46:19ghosts and she thought you and jay were murderers but that was because of the ghosts in this world
46:23none of that happened so she thinks i'm sane yep and not just sane funny short bald and covered in
46:30crumbs i'm sorry is this a gingerbread man or the guy i dated before jay sam you are hilarious without
46:36the ghosts interrupting you all the time you're actually a much better conversationalist man i love
46:39to see these ladies in bikinis how is this place out of a hot tub ugh disgusting right but you
46:44can't hear
46:44him so you don't hear i hate to say it but we've got to run next time at my place
46:48uh do you have
46:49wine of course then yeah i think i'll be there
46:54so what am i doing now oh just sitting there since you're not always taking care of the ghost you
46:58actually have time to yourself oh i can't remember the last time i just sat and read a book and
47:03look
47:03at me i don't even mind that trevor's reading over my shoulder i'm pretty sure he's trying to look
47:06down your dress but hey you don't know so who cares stupid camisole i'm getting nothing so if i have
47:12all this free time i guess that means the b and b still isn't doing very well are you kidding
47:15without the ghost to worry about you've really been able to throw yourself into making this place
47:19a success the b and b is thriving oh come with stone b and b how may i help you
47:26freddie he used to work
47:28here he was incredible but he quit he quit because the ghosts but now he's all in on woodstone i'm
47:33so
47:33sorry we don't have any availability until january 17th hold on the b and b is sold out great we'll
47:37see
47:37you then who keeps searching girls gone wild on this thing should i go into arizona state
47:43i'm home hey freddie jenny i missed you i missed you too
47:48uh-oh mistletoe
47:51she could do so much better i gotta admit this life looks pretty great
47:55and trevor seems pretty much the same how are the other girls doing well why don't we find out
48:00it's still not working looks like we're huffing it again and that concludes my lecture on different
48:04kinds of knots tomorrow thorfinn will be giving a talk on trout we'll be similar to herring lecture
48:08but more trout focused i'm in hell okay so this all seems pretty standard i guess the ghosts are
48:12just doing the same kind of stuff they did before i met them so how better you're excited for our
48:16upcoming wedding oh albert and pete are getting married that's sweet yeah i mean i get to sing
48:20which would be a nice little treat for everybody although i may be a little surprised they're
48:23finally going through with it oh so it's not pete and alberta you know what if they're happy i'm
48:27happy well one of them is definitely happy carol who are they talking about hello oh we look forward to
48:33seeing you with our naturals this afternoon yeah huzzah isaac and hetty but that is impossible and
48:38yet in this world it's happening your wish we just wanted to remind you that the ceremony is to begin
48:42promptly at two o'clock weather permitting of course the wedding is into a summer right right right
48:47there'll be a tornado no no the only tornado should be tonight in our marriage
48:57wait wait wait wait carol what is going on isaac can't marry hetty he's gay
49:02why did you whisper that i don't know it seemed like a weird thing to shout here's the thing isaac
49:06only came out because you were there to support him without you he still hasn't figured out who he
49:10truly is oh i guess i didn't have kind of a big effect on him you've had a big effect
49:14on all of
49:14them without you albert never found out who killed her though we're still having his night terrors and
49:18pete never learned he could leave the property he never even tried he was told he couldn't and the
49:22man loves rules he won a goldfish at the state fair once and reported it on our taxes let me
49:27guess he
49:28also tried to report a free sample from the grocery store it's actually the other sam that's funny
49:34christmas is always one of the toughest times to be dead wondering about my family are they doing
49:38okay do they even think about me they do your daughter laura named her son after you he doesn't
49:43know that in this world you never invited me here to dedicate that weird bench never watched lar
49:47get married he doesn't even know little pete we'll also miss his family leave behind young son
49:53i'll never get to know what he likes his man no four your son is like a hundred yards away
49:57tragic
49:57i hope he grew up to be great warrior kill many danes never eat best friend what nothing random
50:04example not taken from those life the nice thing about the holidays is that the girls on the dating
50:08apps are lonely as hell i'm talking like six separate livings right now one may fly in from miami
50:13something about what do you hope happens when she gets here i don't know maybe she'll choke on
50:16something and die it happens i get it sex with women yeah nothing like it which i know because it's
50:2143 times oh that's right sas is still hiding the fact that he's a virgin this is painful
50:25has anyone found love what about thor and flower not even close flower fell into the well two years
50:30ago flowers in the well well she was till you filled it with cement so now she's lost in the
50:34dirt
50:34a fact she keeps forgetting and then quickly rediscovers in an endless cycle of horror okay so is
50:39that it or do you have more bad news to show me more bad news the basement ghosts are really
50:43upset
50:44about your shiny new water heater wait everyone shut up i think i heard a gurgle
50:50oh there it is again sorry that was my tummy oh damn it stewart you got our hopes up for
50:55nothing
50:56you toads ass this newfangled water heater hasn't made a peep since that blonde witch put it in
50:59god i hate her she's very rude last week i saw her drop a piece of pizza on the ground
51:04and pick it
51:05up and eat it and it fell cheese side down i think we can move on what's going on here
51:11eddie i need to talk to you about the wedding are you still waffling on a best man i do
51:15agree
51:15slim pickings but says zombies probably presents the most handsome stage picture no it's it's more
51:21than that oh my gosh is he gonna tell her could you just watch you'd be a very annoying person
51:25to
51:25go see a movie with maybe we push it what why rush a wedding in the dead of winter when
51:29spring is just
51:30around the corner we were supposed to get married in spring last spring and you wanted to push till
51:34summer citing the april racket of the birth but then summer was too hot and then fall came around
51:37and you started whining about how it's the season when you're most sleepy i've always been very sleepy in
51:44what's going on just tell me well actually come on isaac tell her she's your dearest friend you can
51:52trust her wedding prank i'm sorry what you've been wedding pranked ha ha ha ha ha score one for
52:01higgin dude you should see the look on your face you were freaking out indeed
52:07oh it's christmas eve you can't go back into the city already you just got home i don't know what
52:12you
52:12want me to tell you i have to work these two back at it plastic santa jay fight is like
52:17tips between
52:17whoopie and megan but they can't get the commercial we get to see everything wait why is jay working in
52:22the city jay never wanted to move out here remember he only stayed because of your accident but in this
52:26world you were just pulling him away from his cooking and his friends and his career didn't he
52:30open his own restaurant at the b&b without the ghosts the idea from haitian never came up so jay's
52:35resentment built until he finally took a job back in the city oh sam's mad there goes the pain can't
52:39you
52:39just call in sick or something i don't want to call in sick i love my job yeah but you're
52:42never
52:43here i never wanted to be here you dragged me here oh nice guy people places asking on back ahead
52:50where i wait quicker than you think this one time i don't want to hear with the wall we seemed
52:55so happy
52:55together this morning a performance for your assistant freddie he's seen so many of your fights
52:59so now you guys overcompensate in front of him okay let's give this one more shot
53:04isaac higgentoot and henrietta woodstone holy crap it worked oh it's the wedding fun my sincere
53:11hope is that the two of you enjoy a marriage as loving and as loyal as what i had with
53:15carol
53:15whoopsie now if anyone here sees any reason why these two should not wed and now would be a great
53:19time to pipe up nothing really captain higgentoot lieutenant colonel jessom you've come yes i know we've
53:28had our differences but i couldn't let you get married without saying come on nigel you got this
53:36congratulations okay well i guess there's nothing left to do except continue uh unless
53:42go on once anyone look at me i'm 15 feet away from this train wreck and there's nothing i can
53:47do
53:48why do i look so happy jay and i just had a huge fight well you're not gonna want to
53:51hear this one
53:52but with you and jay growing apart you started an emotional affair with someone you met online what who
53:59no no no no no okay i'll call you when i get to the city no okay don't go okay
54:09hetty do you take
54:11this man to be your lawfully wedded husband i do you've got to stop this none of this is right
54:15i'm
54:15sorry sam it's too late what do you mean isaac do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded
54:19wife
54:19you made a wish and i was sent here to grant it i do but this isn't what i want
54:24eddie isaac i now pronounce you husband and wife isaac you may kiss the bride
54:31that's it the tour's over this is now your life merry christmas sam
54:40no oh great that's a lot of jokes i mean
54:47carol carol come back what's wrong with sam i want things to go back to the way they were i
54:51want
54:51pete and alberta to be dating again me and pete how does she know our names sass shouldn't be hiding
54:55the fact that he's a virgin virgin okay so that's all my satisfied customers and i want to live in
55:00a world where isaac is proud to be gay gay a red-blooded billy goat like me you just most
55:06of
55:06all i i want jay back i don't care if things aren't perfect or if our life is complicated sometimes
55:12i
55:12just want to face it all with him i wish things could go back to how they were i wish
55:17i could see ghosts
55:18again that's my girl welcome back sam
55:27i can see you eddie can you hear me alberta can you see me what's with sam she sounds like
55:33yendel
55:33oh thank god i made a terrible wish that i couldn't see ghosts and then carol granted it
55:37my carol yes but she was christmas carol and everything was messed up you were there isaac but
55:42you were marrying eddie and you were there thor but you didn't know your son was i there i don't
55:47really remember the point is i regret what he said i'm sorry i'm so happy i could see you guys
55:51i was just upset hey uh i was just talking to that guy and i'm
55:57whoa what was that for for everything i love you jay
56:03whoa i think i fell asleep for a few minutes but then the smooching woke me up hey man it's
56:07flower what what's happening
56:11jay it's me flower possessed me thor did it as a gift to her next year we'll only give sex
56:16coupon
56:16it's enough what okay well we gotta get flower out of you before this interview what interview i
56:20thought i blew the interview what are you talking about the interview hasn't happened yet you were
56:24just getting your makeup done there she is it's show time hey man aren't you that guy from tv you
56:31know i was on tv once i flashed the second basement at a san francisco giants game cool maybe we
56:36don't
56:36mention stuff like that on the air huh this way please flower sam saw sam okay you sit right over
56:41here cool oh guys you know what um actually i i think sam needs to go outside for just a
56:47minute
56:47sorry we're about to go live we need to buy sam some time to regain control and get to the
56:50boundary
56:50i got this uh walter just a minute i'm picking up a weird room tone guys can we fix this
56:58now tiny
56:59camera feel oh we lost picture unbelievable all right we need a battery change our camera one this is
57:06incredible teamwork and if it were st patrick's day i'd be jumping in with a contribution of my own
57:13hey hold the world let's get this cleaned up all right we're taking a type two and we're going
57:17live take control sam this is your moment i'm back now go get to the boundary run but there's a
57:25sale
57:25an old navy
57:33man the pringles were good sorry about all that possession stuff sam all good she's back
57:39all right then we're good to go cameras ready you did they we're live in three
57:46that's right jill i'm here in new york thudson valley with author of isaac higgintooth colonial
57:50vampire hey sam thanks for being here thank you so much for having me and so this is a book
57:54where you
57:55can have a laugh maybe you cry and hopefully learn something about the origins of our nation
57:58well i certainly enjoyed when george washington turned into a bag did that really happen i'm
58:03kidding of course well anyhow thanks sam jill back to you oh you crushed it sam and if i had
58:08money
58:09and the ability to turn pages i would buy a book for sure babe you were amazing thanks j i
58:14couldn't
58:14have done it without you without any of you i just feel so lucky to have all of you in
58:18my life
58:18even thor yes thor even you and not to relate the game but you did sort of say to surprise
58:24you
58:25leave it that i know the possession wasn't ideal but it was a really groovy gift i mean i got
58:29to
58:29take drugs for the first time in 60 years i'm sorry what do you mean you took drugs the mistletoe
58:33the drug i got from gabe i took it well we took it on my way back from the restaurant
58:37well look at
58:38that you were high as a kite i suppose that explains this whole visit from carol nonsense
58:43i guess it does okay i can't help it i gotta watch it again i'm so proud of you babe
58:51trevor help me out with the scratch and sniff sam got me for christmas
59:00wow a piece of paper with cartoon eyes and a pepperoni bow tie that's pretty good
59:05every time patience what's up i come with good news
59:09your disappointment at our parting gave me pause what what are you saying i'm saying that i now
59:14believe that we should be together yeah but different worlds oh sometimes that first thought
59:21is the best thought oh but that can be remedied i have met your friends and you can meet my
59:26people
59:26where's this going trevor lefkowitz fellow of the overground son of abraham holder of my heart
59:31allow me to introduce you to the others oh holy night