- 4 hours ago
Taskmaster - S18E04 - Im a Girl Who Likes a Clean Line [Full Movie] [High Quality]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:16I
00:16Mean you're useless
00:34The answer to the question where can I say an overweight but dashing man get a feckless weasel with a
00:41wonky tooth to torture his peer group for pointless tasks
00:44Channel 4 that's where silly let's meet them now
01:03I
01:03Next to me a man who says that he loves to holiday in Wales because it is so beautiful
01:09But longs for the day when its people are driven into the sea
01:22Hello, Greg
01:24I've got your present. Thank you. Do you like cars?
01:27Do I get do you yes? Good. Oh, do you like Greg Davis?
01:33Barely stop looking in the mirror
01:35Well, I think you'll like genuine personalized number plates
01:47First size I'm a plate for Greg Davis does it say Gary Davis
01:57Surprised us today this time they've brought in the thing most likely to make you say war Christ now that
02:05is butter
02:10Badass
02:11Yes, sure we've all probably said badass and sure we've all probably had badass, but Greg wants to see something
02:17That makes him say it like he means it and that will result in five really really big points you
02:23Emma City. Yes. How are you gonna make me say now that is badass?
02:27This is something that I own
02:31It's very precious to me, and I think it speaks for itself
02:35React to this Greg. Okay. I know what I've got to say if it doesn't elicit the response here we
02:41go
02:41I
02:43I
02:50Nothing
02:53Now that is badass
02:54I
02:56Hate it. I find it religiously insensitive. Yes
03:01I think God and Jesus would love that
03:13Think any of the big three would like that
03:15I think it's horrible. Yeah, you should be ashamed
03:22Yo, are you gonna make me say why this is badass 100%? Well, how's your footwear nowadays bro?
03:28You've got your sock game on on lock. I won't lie. Yeah, I got something that better than these shoes
03:34100% way better than your shoes
03:40He's gonna get you these shoes Greg. All right
03:43Nike Air Force One let me tell you something. Yeah, so now when you come to like the ends, right?
03:49You wear white air forces when I come to the ends the ends bro watch top boy, bruv, okay?
03:57There's a lot of work for me to do before I can say these are badass
04:02All you need to do is just rock up with a pair of white air forces, but this is the
04:05thing you can't just rock up with a pair
04:07Air forces, right? You've got a laugh, but the laugh has to be smooth. You've got to be like
04:15What situations am I gonna do this in brother?
04:18I'm just trying to inject some youth into you. You're the one that's turned like what did you say like
04:2175?
04:22It feels like
04:24Feels like it, but I don't know whether I'm gonna feel more useful if I go into any situation and
04:29go
04:31With a pair of white trainers. I'm not gonna lie, that laugh was good though
04:35Yeah, and it felt good
04:36Hello, Rosie
04:37Oh, yeah
04:38What have you brought in?
04:39So I brought in something and then I've also brought in a promise
04:48Mmm
04:49Ooh
04:50Ooh
04:51Let's dance
04:53Well, there's nothing more bad at that than a tattoo
04:59I got two, one, two
05:02And I got a third one
05:05Here
05:06Yes
05:07LAUGHTER
05:11APPLAUSE
05:12AND APPLAUSE
05:13And I'm talking you've heard of it
05:14Wow, that's quite badass
05:16So the promise is
05:21If you don't award me quite highly
05:27Yeah
05:27I'll do it again
05:30LAUGHTER
05:32LAUGHTER
05:35Good. Thank you, AC.
05:36Jack. Yeah. Are you badass?
05:39I'm unpopular in the world of hip-hop and rap,
05:42and so I borrowed something from a rapper, a friend of mine,
05:46and he sent me one of his outfits, and he's pretty famous as well, so I...
05:53You draft it up? No, I'll give you the name. He's called TK Maxx.
05:57LAUGHTER
05:59I know that guy. Yeah.
06:00And he just said, whatever you need, I'm sending it to you.
06:03Greg, is this badass?
06:05LAUGHTER
06:08Er, no.
06:10LAUGHTER
06:10That would be the outfit I would wear
06:13if I was unloading an angel from the back of a van.
06:17LAUGHTER
06:19Anyway, it's your choice.
06:21I've made my choice.
06:23It is not badass.
06:24Yeah.
06:25Only Andy Zaltzman can save us.
06:28Those are dangerous words, Greg.
06:29Well, I thought, you know, what would make you say badass,
06:32or I made you a work of art?
06:34Let's reveal Andy's work of art. Here we go.
06:37LAUGHTER
06:38LAUGHTER
06:41APPLAUSE
06:44Now, that is a badass.
06:46Also, I mean, let's look at the quality of the painting.
06:50LAUGHTER
06:50That's...
06:51That's bad, isn't it?
06:52Oh, it's just that bad.
06:54It's a badass.
06:55Yeah.
06:55And it's badass.
06:57Yes.
06:58See, Emma, how this works?
07:00Go back and see that cherub, cos after all this, you're going to be like,
07:03well, my God.
07:05Stick the cherub back up for us.
07:06OK, here is the badass cherub.
07:08LAUGHTER
07:10LAUGHTER
07:12Shit.
07:14LAUGHTER
07:14Which one would make you say badass least?
07:17It's between Jack's awful moving outfit and Emma's badass angel.
07:22Shall I be really nice and give them both two?
07:24A pair of trainers as well in that mix?
07:25Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
07:27Let him make his decision.
07:28LAUGHTER
07:29Oh, no.
07:30He's right, though.
07:31No, he's not right.
07:32He is right.
07:33What are you doing?
07:34Well picked up on.
07:35I'll give two points to all of those people and then we'll jump up.
07:37I think we've got to reward Zaltzman.
07:39He created the correct ass for the situation.
07:43I'm going to give him five points and I'll give this merger a four.
07:45Five points.
07:46Two, two, two.
07:48Well done.
07:50Yes, let's get going.
07:52OK, let's take things to the next level.
07:55MUSIC PLAYS
08:10Hi, Alex.
08:12Hi.
08:13It's gold this time.
08:15It's a nice, nice little touch.
08:18Ooh.
08:20Can I open this as task, probably?
08:23Here we go.
08:26That's what we want.
08:29Not that gold shit.
08:32LAUGHTER
08:33Push...
08:34Push the envelope the furthest.
08:37You have half an hour.
08:39Your time starts now.
08:42I could say some outrageous things,
08:45see if that pushes the envelope.
08:46Get myself cancelled.
08:48Is it a prize?
08:51What?
08:51Is it rude?
08:54Like, boxing the envelope.
08:58What's this pillow for?
09:00What's this supposed to do?
09:01Present my nuts on it to my wife.
09:04LAUGHTER
09:06Have you ever pushed the envelope before?
09:07Yeah.
09:08What did he do?
09:09Um, I dressed as SpongeBob Squarepants
09:13to a fancy dress party.
09:15And everyone's like,
09:16we don't do that in Guildford.
09:18And I was like, I do.
09:20LAUGHTER
09:21You do that when I come into the room like,
09:23yay!
09:24Happy Valentine's!
09:25LAUGHTER
09:27Right, I'm going to take the envelope.
09:31Excuse me.
09:34Oh, that's better.
09:35OK.
09:36Two and a half an hour or so.
09:43You were surprisingly heavily sexual from three out of five of you.
09:48LAUGHTER
09:48You were asked to push the envelope
09:50and within seconds,
09:51Jones had compared it to a vagina, I presume.
09:54Of course!
09:57I haven't heard a phrase push the envelope ever.
10:04Ever!
10:04It could be rude!
10:07What you're saying is,
10:08if you don't understand any phrase in the English language,
10:12you assume it's sexual.
10:13Yeah.
10:14Right, right.
10:15So, like, some people have walked past you and said,
10:18oh, a rolling stone gathers no moss,
10:20and you've gone, tell me about it.
10:21LAUGHTER
10:26I think we should.
10:27We're going to begin by watching Emma and Rosie push their envelopes.
10:31Oh, God.
10:32I'm going to push the envelope within myself.
10:40You're going to push the envelope within yourself.
10:42What does that mean?
10:42I'm going to eat the envelope!
10:46LAUGHTER
10:51I'm going to push the envelope the farthest!
10:56Here I go.
11:06Maybe I can get my own talking show.
11:15Nigella meets Raymond.
11:20LAUGHTER
11:20Oh, please!
11:23LAUGHTER
11:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
11:26A little bit of garlic!
11:35Oh!
11:36I've got to sit briefly.
11:38WHOOSH
11:39WHOOSH
11:45Right, there you go.
11:46To Greg, Taskmaster, love hearts.
11:50And there's actually a letter inside, but it's private.
11:53There you go, mate.
11:55Pushed it.
11:57CHING CHING BOTTOMED UP!
12:08LAUGHTER
12:09LAUGHTER
12:09LAUGHTER
12:09Shall we?
12:12LAUGHTER
12:14LAUGHTER
12:14That must have driven you over the edge, didn't it?
12:16A smoothie?
12:18LAUGHTER
12:19LAUGHTER
12:19Well, I just hope you give her enough shit for being a smoothie girl as well.
12:23She's revealed her true colours there.
12:24She loves the smoothie.
12:25You gloved it down, didn't you?
12:27That was all willing.
12:29To just eat the paper.
12:32Yeah.
12:32They made you turn it into a smoothie for your own safety.
12:35Yeah.
12:35And we should...
12:36We still need to say, you shouldn't eat an envelope, you also shouldn't drink an envelope.
12:40LAUGHTER
12:40You could chug it down.
12:42Is that pushing the envelope?
12:43I was pushing the envelope by pushing the envelope down my gullet.
12:53And, ultimately, out of your bop-bot.
12:55Yeah, yeah.
12:57You know what?
12:59You're still a bit cold.
13:03LAUGHTER
13:05Emma.
13:06I will say, I thought you did great cartwheels.
13:10And you could still be in the game, because I haven't read your letter yet.
13:13Oh, my God.
13:14Letter.
13:15I don't know what I said.
13:16No-one knows what you said, because you said it was private.
13:19Oh, no.
13:20I don't know.
13:21I think I was having a weird week.
13:27Oh.
13:28Well.
13:29It.
13:29Is.
13:33Polite.
13:36It literally says, I hope you've had a good week.
13:41OK, who's next?
13:42OK, well, next up, it's A, B, C, D.
13:45Jack D!
13:55There's your envelope.
14:01How's your day going, Jack?
14:02Not as dignified as I thought it would.
14:08It didn't work.
14:10I wasn't happy with that.
14:17It didn't work.
14:25I wasn't happy with that.
14:26I was happy with that.
14:29It just didn't work out.
14:32It's OK.
14:33I can't do it.
14:33I can't do it.
14:34I can't do it, Jack.
14:34but I don't think I'm working on building an apartment.
14:34I can't do it again.
14:39I can't do it.
14:39I can't do it.
14:41No!
14:41Yeah.
14:48Oh!
14:48Oh, my God.
15:20All I've written is, well, that will save BAFTA some money
15:23for your in-memorandum film.
15:28Yeah.
15:30And the sooner they play it, the better.
15:34Absolutely heartbreaking.
15:36It pushed the envelope.
15:37It made me genuinely feel quite emotional.
15:40Yeah.
15:40In total on that day, he pushed the envelope three miles.
15:45I would have carried on when the crew caught up with me
15:47and said I had to stop.
15:49Well, the time had run out quite a long time.
15:50About the two-mile mark the time had run out, yeah.
15:53Kept on going.
15:54Oh, nice.
15:56Right, break time.
15:58Let's end on a high with some of Alex's impressions.
16:01It's Alex's Impression Hour.
16:03Ready?
16:03No.
16:04Donald Trump.
16:05Hey, how are you, guys?
16:07I can't do impressions.
16:08Greg Wallace.
16:09You want to eat your dinner?
16:10I'm going to...
16:12..Kermit at Parker Balls.
16:14Good evening, everyone.
16:15See you in the Bustards!
16:16I can't do impressions.
16:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
16:29Oh, yeah!
16:30Welcome back to Trustmaster, where the competitors are pushing the envelope.
16:35Oh, yes, they could do pretty much anything to impress Greg with this one,
16:38to extend the limits of what's possible.
16:40Or you could just pace about a bit with a letter in a wheelbarrow.
16:43Last up, it's Baba and Andy.
16:46All right, how do I push this thing?
16:48I could make a bowl out of it. Look, it's a bowl.
16:52Someone get me milk and cereal.
16:54Are you talking to me?
16:56Yes.
17:01Right, you little paper monstrosity, where is it?
17:04You pathetic little failed origami pigeon.
17:06I wouldn't lick you if you were the last envelope on Earth.
17:09Where is it? Tell me where it is!
17:12How do you make cereal? You look like you put the milk in first.
17:15Always milk first.
17:16How very dare you?
17:17Who does that?
17:21Want to talk now, my slightly crumpled friend?
17:27Answer the question!
17:28Answer the question!
17:32I ain't gonna eat this.
17:33I think you should eat a little bit.
17:35Nah, my guy, I don't drink cow's milk.
17:37If I drink this, you'll hear me in the toilet going, moo!
17:41You know what I'm saying?
17:41I'll really be chewing up that toilet.
17:44Maybe this will make you talk.
17:46Where?
17:47You wanna be next?
17:48Tell me what you know.
17:50Well, God help me.
17:50I will shred you.
17:51I will shred you!
17:54Last chance.
17:55I know you wanna tell me.
17:56Talk.
17:59I knew it.
18:00I did it.
18:01I stole the life cast of Alex Horne.
18:03I shrank it.
18:04Then I hid it in a wooden box under a cow.
18:07I knew you'd break eventually.
18:09Here comes the airplane!
18:10Yay!
18:13Nice, isn't it?
18:16Right.
18:21There it is.
18:22Looks like he's been working out.
18:25Mystery solved.
18:26I'll push that envelope good and proper.
18:33Andy, very creative.
18:35Genuinely disturbing.
18:38Thanks.
18:38I just think this show is just revealing you to be just not the person everyone thought you were.
18:46From episode to episode, you're getting more and more terrified.
18:52That's very good, Andy.
18:53And quite the contrast, jumping from that to Baba feeding cereal into your stupid face from an envelope.
19:02Can I just say something?
19:03I pushed the envelope to its limits.
19:05I made it into a bowl.
19:08I mean, it doesn't matter how emphatically you taste it.
19:13Do you scream nice, innit, into the face of your young children when you're feeding them?
19:23I do as well.
19:25LAUGHTER
19:29OK, but who pushed it the least far? Who pushed it the furthest?
19:33I feel like I'm...
19:34Do you feel like I'm a bit picked on today?
19:36I can't think how I'm going to not put you last when you did three cartwheels
19:40and then wrote me a letter asking how I was.
19:44So it's one to Emma.
19:46Baba, two points.
19:47Two to you, Baba.
19:47Hmm.
19:48OK, I'm going to give Rosie three points.
19:50He won for a walk!
19:54He walked three miles and his heart's not up to it.
19:59Three to Rosie.
20:00I'm going to be led by emotion.
20:01And the one that moved me the most emotionally was Jack,
20:04pushing an envelope three miles.
20:07So four points to Andy, five points.
20:09APPLAUSE
20:13Hey, hmm, let's have a scoreboard.
20:15All right, well, the team of two, Jack and Rosie, are in joint.
20:17Second with seven points.
20:19But in the lead, it's Andy Zaltzman with nine points.
20:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20:25What's next, please, Horne?
20:27Well, we're off to a scare maze.
20:55Hiya!
20:58Hiya, Rosie.
21:04Hey, you look nice. Yes, bro. Come on, man. Look at that outfit, bro. I'll make this look good. I'm
21:09not going to lie to you, bro.
21:10I know. I'm the hottest hot dog you've ever seen in your life. I agree with you. Oh, you're still
21:14talking. Yeah, come on.
21:15So whatever you do on this task will be worth twice the number of points for you. See you in
21:19a minute.
21:24Bye-bye. Bye.
21:24There's a carrot on your back.
21:30Take a bite out of Alex's carrot. Alex's carrot? Is that a euphemism? Is that an actual carrot?
21:38Alex will ring his bell every ten seconds.
21:41You must laugh constantly throughout.
21:44No problem!
21:50You must both only walk at a gentle pace.
21:53No problem!
21:57Fastest wins!
22:05Fastest wins. The time starts now.
22:08I don't know.
22:08I don't know.
22:09I don't know.
22:36You actually did look quite good at the hot dog.
22:37Come on, bro. This is what I'm saying, bro.
22:40I should have brought it instead of the trainers.
22:42LAUGHTER
22:44We're going to start with a happy Jack and a rambling Rosie.
22:49HE SINGS
22:49HE SINGS
22:52HE SINGS
22:54HE SINGS
22:57HE SINGS
22:58HE SINGS
23:00HE SINGS
23:00HE SINGS
23:06HE SINGS
23:07HE SINGS
23:09HE SINGS
23:23You're not Alex, are you?
23:27HE SINGS
23:27HE SINGS
23:28HE SINGS
23:32HE SINGS
23:32HE SINGS
23:34That's wrong.
23:36It's not even an ace.
24:05Whoa!
24:36Ha Ha Ha
24:52is that Alex?
24:56Yeah, were there way?
24:59Well, I know the way out.
25:00I will see you outside. Goodbye.
25:02No!
25:04Oh, bloody hell, Alex!
25:12Well, an absolute vision of hell in many ways,
25:15watching both of you go through that dystopian nightmare
25:18made so much worse by me realising for the first time
25:22that Rosie Jones has got Daddy written across her back.
25:27Of course I did!
25:29I felt she was relentless.
25:31Well, she was.
25:32Got me in 3 minutes 49.
25:33Oh, wow.
25:34Jack has the best laugh-to-carrot noise
25:37that I think we'll see tonight.
25:39He went, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
25:423 minutes 26 for Jack, it was a pretty...
25:45Oh, pretty close race.
25:46Just over three minutes.
25:47Mm-hm. Lovely.
25:48Now it's time to get giddy with Emma Ciddy.
25:51Uh-oh.
25:52Ha-ha-ha-ha...
25:54Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...
25:56Ha-ha-ha-ha...
25:58Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...
26:01Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...
26:05Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...
26:06Ha-ha-ha-ha...
26:08Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...
26:11Ha-ha-ha-ha...
26:14Ha-ha-ha-ha...
26:16Ha-ha-ha-ha...
26:19Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...
26:21Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...
26:22Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...
26:23Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...
26:35Oh, there are two bells.
26:54They're swapping bells, you bastards.
26:59Ha, ha, ha, ha.
27:20Hello Emma.
27:22Really infuriating, that.
27:24That other bloke.
27:27Another bloke. No, I'm not doing that.
27:30No? Blinder.
27:33Bye-bye.
27:34APPLAUSE
27:36I wish more people would shut him down like that.
27:40No, I'm not doing that.
27:41It works a treat.
27:43I've clearly had enough, which really worries me.
27:46How long was that? It felt like a long time,
27:48and I felt like you went from someone doing quite a fun comedy laugh
27:52to someone who could kill.
27:56And the tipping point for me was this.
27:58Ah, ha, ha, ha.
28:01All three of you walked 300 metres, they took three minutes,
28:04you took eight minutes.
28:05Could have been longer.
28:06I could have kept that going for hours, I think.
28:10There was no way you were going to catch me.
28:14Because...
28:15It's because she was going too slow.
28:17We will have fun.
28:18OK, time for another break.
28:21Hopefully there will be an overseas advert
28:23that has been badly dubbed in English,
28:25so that the company could save money.
28:27Followed quickly, I hope, by a nuclear apocalypse.
28:31It's what we deserve.
28:32It's genuinely my birthday.
28:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
28:47Hello! Welcome back to Taskmaster,
28:51where the bellend's got a bell and he won't stop ringing it.
28:54LAUGHTER
28:55I suppose that's true.
28:57Just two people to go,
28:58and one of them's dressed as a hot dog.
29:00It's Andy Zaltzman,
29:00and playing for double points,
29:02it's Babatunde Alesha.
29:05BUZZER
29:05BUZZER
29:05Ha, ha, ha, ha.
29:07BUZZER
29:08Ha, ha, ha, ha.
29:13BUZZER
29:14Ha, ha, ha, ha.
29:15Ha, ha, ha.
29:16Ha, ha, ha.
29:17Ha, ha, ha.
29:19Ha, ha, ha.
29:25Ha, ha, ha.
29:26BUZZER
29:27Ha, ha, ha, ha.
29:28Ha, ha, ha, ha.
29:30Ha, ha, ha, ha.
29:30Ha, ha, ha.
29:31I got you.
29:32Yes, I got your carrot, bro.
29:33I'll try it, bro.
29:34Ha, ha.
29:35Yeah!
29:36I'm the man!
29:38I won, right?
29:41Ha, ha, ha ha.
29:44Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
29:49Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
29:50Ha ha ha
29:51Ha ha ha ha
29:57Ha ha ha ha
29:58Ha ha ha ha
30:00Ha ha ha ha
30:10Gravan.
30:11Everybody did it in 35 seconds.
30:13Go on!
30:15Ten points.
30:17Straight in.
30:18So, Andy, you get four points.
30:19Baba, you get ten points.
30:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
30:25One more task proper, please, small boy.
30:28I'm the man, sure thing.
30:31Ding-a-ling, get ready to check out my versatile new jacket.
30:34GASP
30:51Can I help?
30:52No, I'm on a turntable, Jack.
30:55Mm-hm. Spinning round.
30:59Not really, though, are you?
31:01You're turning round.
31:04Oh, look. It feels a bit personal.
31:08Woo!
31:09Pick the Taskmaster's locket from its pocket.
31:12Every time you pick an incorrect pocket, you must high-five Alex.
31:17If you touch, temper with or peek into a pocket, you must pick it.
31:21For you, it's pockets picked wouldn't.
31:27You have a maximum of 15 minutes. Your time starts now.
31:32May I touch you?
31:35LAUGHTER
31:38Why are you spinning?
31:40It's just the setting.
31:44LAUGHTER
31:44Ugh. Just wind up.
31:46APPLAUSE
31:50Have you got a moment just to, er, replay what I think might be
31:54the creepiest moment in Taskmaster history?
31:58LAUGHTER
31:59Yeah, I think I know what you mean. Here it is.
32:01May I touch...
32:05LAUGHTER
32:06LAUGHTER
32:0718 series, and I've never felt a shudder like it.
32:10LAUGHTER
32:12What is wrong with that?
32:15It's about consent.
32:18Yeah!
32:19It is about consent.
32:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
32:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
32:24Thank you!
32:26First to locate the locket, it's Jack and Bubba.
32:30OK, so I'm thinking there's going to be a...
32:33some sort of locket in one of those pockets.
32:36Mm-hm.
32:36Yeah, yeah.
32:38Is that the locket?
32:40No, it's lipstick.
32:41Do I put it there?
32:41Yeah, I'll put it here.
32:43What's this?
32:43Chinese Five Spice.
32:45Chinese Five Spice.
32:47There's nothing in there other than that.
32:52This is bloody raisin.
32:54OK, stop.
32:57Bow!
32:57Found the locket yet?
32:58No, that's a dog biscuit.
33:00OK.
33:01What's in here?
33:01Nope.
33:02It's the bloody locket.
33:04Bow!
33:08You take a lot of stuff around with you, don't you?
33:11Yep.
33:11108 pockets.
33:13I can see you know that.
33:14Pick up yourself.
33:16No, that's, that's, that's nothing else.
33:18That's just a bag of...
33:20That's my bag of yellow, yeah.
33:21Bag of yellow.
33:22Mm-hm.
33:23Fair enough.
33:26Pick up yourself.
33:30Don't trust sound people or makeup artists.
33:34Mm-hm.
33:34That's a bit bad, isn't it?
33:35I trust sound people or makeup artists.
33:37Why wouldn't you?
33:38You shouldn't.
33:39Yeah, good advice, thank you.
33:40Mm-hm.
33:41But not what we're after.
33:42Right.
33:43Keys.
33:44Mm-hm.
33:44What do I open this with?
33:46Ah, this might be it.
33:48No, it's a compass.
33:49It's a compass with my name on it.
33:51Babatunde.
33:52Hey, it says my name on it.
33:53Come on.
33:54There's a picture of me.
33:55Yeah.
33:56Yeah.
33:57A couple of things with your names on it.
33:58That's very thoughtful.
34:00Oh, my days with this stupid-ass rocket, mate.
34:03Getting on my nerves.
34:05Stone with Y written on it.
34:06Ah.
34:07These are starting to annoy me.
34:09Rockets.
34:09Too many of them.
34:10Why have you got milk?
34:11Thirsty.
34:12Yuck.
34:13It's an I.
34:14Mm-hm.
34:15So...
34:16Yeah.
34:17Hey!
34:19Pick the locket from the pocket.
34:22That's a padlock.
34:23Oh, for goodness sake.
34:24It's a man out one.
34:25What the hell?
34:26Five and a half minutes left to find this locket.
34:29Another pebble, so it spells you.
34:31Right.
34:32I don't think that's got any relevance, to be honest.
34:34Right, OK.
34:35Yeah.
34:35I found the other eye, though.
34:37Ah!
34:37There you go.
34:42The locket is in your pocket.
34:44The locket is in your pocket.
34:46No, it ain't.
34:46I've got no locket in my pocket.
34:56There you are.
34:57You got a locket.
34:58Yeah.
34:58How do you do that?
34:59You, like, David Copperfield now, are you?
35:02LAUGHTER
35:02And there's a piece of hair in there as well.
35:04Yeah, I've got my own hair.
35:04That's...
35:05That's...
35:05OK.
35:06Well, I should treasure that.
35:12I mean, neither of you thought there might be a faster way
35:15of doing this.
35:16Just went route one.
35:17How are we supposed to know that there was a locket in our pocket?
35:20I realised after this, because someone took my jacket
35:22to do something and I should have...
35:24Yeah.
35:25You know, trustingly, I said, yeah, of course, thank you.
35:27I thank them.
35:28I thank them.
35:29LAUGHTER
35:30Do you want to know how many pockets they picked?
35:31Yes, please.
35:32Baba Tunde, 41 incorrect pockets.
35:35Jack, 70.
35:37LAUGHTER
35:38Would you like to see Rosie Jones's Locket Adventure?
35:41Let's go.
35:41Rosie Jones.
35:42I don't think it's in this, cos that would be obvious.
35:53Who can I pick that one?
35:58Don't trust sound people or make-up artists.
36:05Well, you don't need to tell me that.
36:10They've got pieces of shit.
36:14Is it in your pocket?
36:19You said no, but I don't trust you.
36:27LAUGHTER
36:32You've got his wallet.
36:33Yeah.
36:34Right.
36:35LAUGHTER
36:39Oh, is it on me?
36:44Oh, my God!
36:51You sneaky bugger.
36:55LAUGHTER
36:55Well done, Rosie.
36:57Don't trust anyone.
37:02LAUGHTER
37:04APPLAUSE
37:07I'm just going to make it clear that when Rosie was told
37:11not to trust sound and lighting people, she said, and I quote,
37:14you don't need to tell me that.
37:16They're all pieces of shit.
37:18LAUGHTER
37:21I mean it!
37:25And you then went on to blatantly steal money from a sound man's wife.
37:31Yeah!
37:33Neil was lying to me.
37:36At least they could do what's robin'.
37:41LAUGHTER
37:43He wasn't lying to me.
37:45It was fast, surely.
37:46Well, it's all about the number of pockets picked.
37:48Yes.
37:48Five of Neil's, five of her own, three of mine, so 13 in total.
37:5213 in total.
37:53APPLAUSE
37:55We're stopping again.
37:56One part left to go, and at the end of it,
37:58someone will stroll proudly out of the studio,
38:01carrying a sculpture of a cherub wearing sunglasses
38:04and a painting of a banged-up donkey.
38:06This isn't a cheese dream.
38:08We're all being paid for this.
38:10LAUGHTER
38:10We'll see you in part four.
38:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
38:25Well, and back, it's part four, and Alex has a stupid jacket on.
38:30It's not stupid, actually. You're stupid.
38:32Lee attractive.
38:34LAUGHTER
38:36Yes, they...
38:37They have to find the locket by picking the fewest pockets possible.
38:41Two left.
38:41It's Andy and Emma.
38:44OK, I'm just going to take a second.
38:49The Taskmaster's locket.
38:51Doesn't necessarily...
38:51It's one of your pockets, though, is it?
38:53Are there clues in your pockets?
38:55All I do is spin round.
38:56OK.
38:58So, there's bits of paper in some of these pockets, by the works of it.
39:00Are you peeking?
39:02Overviewing.
39:03Peeking is...
39:04That's a specific pocket, I'd say.
39:06All right.
39:08LAUGHTER
39:14Well, some action.
39:16There's a great big statue of the Taskmaster outside.
39:19Hmm.
39:20Can that count as a locket?
39:21It's not a locket, and it wasn't in a pocket, Andy.
39:24OK, I think I'm going to have to pick a pocket.
39:27Excuse me.
39:29So, that appears to be Richard Herring on a red fish.
39:35Half your time gone.
39:39Chinese five spice.
39:40It's the spice for me.
39:43Right, I need an alternative pocket again.
39:45How many minutes have I got left?
39:46Four and a half.
39:46Four and a half, OK.
39:47I'll use it wisely.
39:52You've got three minutes, Andy.
39:57Right.
39:58I found a pineapple and some string.
39:59Was it in a pocket?
40:00Well, not yet, but I could put it in a pocket.
40:03From that one.
40:03Jack, two points for you.
40:05Three to Bubba, four to Rosie, but five to Emma City!
40:08Congratulations!
40:08CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:11You?
40:12Let's see the scoreboard.
40:13Yes, please.
40:13Well, I think the hot dog helped.
40:15Bubba's on the top with 17 points!
40:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:20Right, everyone, will you please make your way to the stage
40:22for the final task of the show!
40:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:31Who will be leading the task?
40:33That's Bubba.
40:34OK.
40:36Gather a herd of animals with exactly 22 legs.
40:41You may not harm any animals.
40:44You may only use animals on either side of this wall
40:49and you may not use each other.
40:52On Alex's whistle, you must hurl one of your herd over the wall.
40:57When your herd has 22 legs, only then may you don your tutus.
41:02First team and tutus wins.
41:04Each of them have six animals on their bench,
41:08and that's where the herd lives.
41:10You've got a flamingo with one leg,
41:12a kangaroo with two,
41:13a sick dog with three legs,
41:15Patatas the cat with four legs,
41:17a monster there with...
41:18You've got to throw something every 15 seconds.
41:21That's when I'll blow the whistle.
41:22If you don't do the maths correctly within the 15 seconds
41:25and another animal comes over and you've missed the tutu opportunity,
41:27it carries on.
41:28Got it.
41:29Good luck.
41:30Right.
41:30Choose your animals.
41:31We're going for three.
41:32OK.
41:32Well, maybe don't say it out the way.
41:35LAUGHTER
41:37Pick up an animal, get ready to throw.
41:39You're going to be throwing on the whistle.
41:40Three, two, one.
41:42BUZZ
41:43Lovely.
41:43Put that on the bench.
41:45That's 22.
41:48BUZZ
41:53BUZZ
41:53Toss complete. Done.
41:54BUZZ
42:00Wow.
42:01They did it.
42:02Well, not many people would be brave enough to say it.
42:04I will.
42:05The show's been great.
42:06That.
42:07Was.
42:08Rubbish.
42:10Come down here.
42:11We'll add that to the final score.
42:12BUZZ
42:18What a glorious anticlimax.
42:21Maybe one of my favourite tasks ever.
42:25It's really made the scoreboard interesting.
42:27Because a team of three gets five points each for that.
42:30The team of two, zero.
42:31Aw.
42:33And the winner is...
42:34BUZZ
42:35BUZZ
42:35With 22 points!
42:36Yes!
42:37Yes!
42:38Yes!
42:39BUZZ
42:40BUZZ
42:40BUZZ
42:42Please, bowl up to brandish your badass belongings!
42:50So, what have we learnt from today's show?
42:53We've learnt that Taskmaster, it's a silly old show, really,
42:56but at times, it has the capacity to move.
42:59The haunting image of Jack Dee strolling heroically into the sunset,
43:04his destination unknown, pushing that envelope,
43:07will forever be etched on all of our minds.
43:11And let's also not forget...
43:13Baba's nuts on a pillow.
43:15LAUGHTER
43:15And here he is again tonight, cos he's the winner,
43:19it's Babatunde Alessi!
43:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:32APPLAUSE
43:32APPLAUSE
43:35way out...
43:36He's a Weise
43:37who cabe to me
43:42who Sounds like you are...
43:44Thank you, the buyer
43:47he has a Pul hade ch Character back to jelly barat,
43:49its house all along the other day,
43:49to j' Aer풍 the Half to the couple.
43:51So now I'm the cleanser comoeze,
43:51My favourite,
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