00:00My dad is gay. My mom is straight. Their marriage cost me my friends. I just randomly got left.
00:06For years, we lived like a straight couple.
00:09There was pressure to keep it secret, and it started to just eat away at me.
00:12Friends across the street stopped talking to us after Marty came out.
00:16Just like that, overnight, we lost that entire friend group.
00:20People do criticize us for having a child.
00:22This kid must be so confused. She's 14. Leave her out of this.
00:29How has it impacted London at all?
00:37Welcome to my Lavender Life. Come see what it's like to live with a gay husband.
00:42I'm Brandy. And I'm Marty. And we're married with a child.
00:46And I'm a gay man. Brandy? Hey.
00:49Hi.
00:49Do you guys ever miss sharing a bedroom with each other?
00:52I absolutely do not miss sharing a bedroom with him.
00:56I have my own space. I keep it clean.
00:58He is a dirty person.
01:00Most men are.
01:02We met each other in 2008 at a barbecue.
01:05Loved his energy. He was the life of the party.
01:07He came out to me at that same barbecue that we met.
01:10Five minutes later, she was like, you're my new gay best friend.
01:13Then one night, we became intimate, and we were, you know, we locked eyes, and we started kissing.
01:20I was openly gay at the time, but we just kind of like threw that in the closet, if you
01:24will.
01:25We started dating, and then that progressed. I proposed to her on a ski lift going up the mountain.
01:31We got to the top, and I dropped down and asked her to marry me, and the rest is history.
01:36We got married in 2011, and had London in 2011 as well.
01:40This is London's wing. London?
01:44Yeah.
01:45Hi.
01:46Hi.
01:46This is my daughter, London. She's 14, and this is her glam room.
01:50Hi.
01:51I'm going to show my room. Why don't you get changed, and then we'll go get glammed.
01:54Okay. Sounds good to me.
01:56For 14 years, we did live a straight married life.
02:01When you're thinking about every word that comes out of your mouth, when you're pretending to like football or sports,
02:06because that's what all the neighborhood guys are into, that, over time, starts to really weigh on you.
02:12And specifically during COVID, I really started to think about my life, and I was scrolling through TikTok,
02:17and I think within about five minutes, the algorithm had me pegged as gay.
02:21And that's kind of what started the unwinding, if you will, to our now openly lavender marriage.
02:27We still do everything together, like a normal family. At the end of the night, we just go in our
02:32separate rooms.
02:34And then in my bedroom, it's not quite as luxurious as theirs.
02:38I have more of a teenager situation going on here, and I share with Dior, he's the only man in
02:43my bed.
02:44How did you break the news to London?
02:46I was very worried about telling London.
02:48It took almost two years for me to actually come out to her.
02:52In my mind, I blew up the whole scenario.
02:54I imagined her getting bullied at school.
02:56I didn't want her to look back on her years with us and think everything was this facade.
03:02Okay, we're going to do a little lavender TikTok. You ready?
03:05Keep going.
03:05All right.
03:06Point to the person who has a full opinion about everyone's life choices but won't clean their room.
03:13Can't disagree with that.
03:15Point to the person who cried at the last three movies that we watched.
03:22How did it feel to find out that your dad was gay?
03:24I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know what. I definitely didn't expect that he would be gay.
03:29Because I cried before.
03:30I kind of thought it was a joke, and I was just like, ha ha. And then I was like,
03:34oh wait, he's not kidding.
03:37All right, girls. We've got the silver. We've got the gold. And we've got some free Korean skincare from TikTok.
03:43Jeez.
03:44That's how they do it on TikTok.
03:46He came out to me after we went to the mall. Went shopping, and then we went to dinner.
03:50Retail therapy is what they say, right?
03:52So I just did the therapy first and then wrote the news to you.
03:56Yeah.
03:56Hoping that it would lighten the load.
03:57Yeah.
03:59When I initially had told the neighbors that I was very good friends with, almost immediately I didn't hear from
04:05them at all.
04:06Our normal friend group of people continued to go over and have barbecues and pool parties, and we no longer
04:11got that invite.
04:12It definitely shocked a few of my friends, especially when I told them that both my parents were still living
04:17in the same household.
04:18I just randomly got left. They were like my childhood best friends, and I was so close with them.
04:24So to lose them was definitely hard.
04:26I honestly feel like our relationship is a lot better with me and my family, and I honestly, I wouldn't
04:33change it for anything.
04:34We're all just closer and more connected, you know?
04:37Well, we're real.
04:39Yeah.
04:40That'll do it. It's good for you. It adds to it. Come on. You guys are haters.
04:47When and why did you decide to start sharing your family's story on social media?
04:50There was a lavender marriage trend, and he's a gay man who's married to another man.
04:55And I jokingly jumped on and was like, you're this make-believe world of what a lavender marriage would look
05:01like.
05:02Let me talk about what it really looks like.
05:04Right. I need to talk about lavender marriages.
05:06And the response that I got, number one, from women who were saying, sign me up, sign me up.
05:12What is going on that so many women want to marry a gay man?
05:15Most women don't actually need romance. They need a partner.
05:18Also, from men who were in this situation who hadn't had that conversation or been honest,
05:25it really, really convicted me to continue sharing and show people that there is another way.
05:31Have we ever gotten negative comments on our post?
05:33Have we gotten negative comments?
05:35Yeah.
05:35Oh, the haters run deep. Yeah.
05:37You want to check some out?
05:38Yeah.
05:39This will never be normalized. This is not healthy, normal, or natural.
05:46I feel like it's more natural than not.
05:49I can't believe that you don't have sex.
05:51I can't believe you don't want to be intimate with anyone.
05:54That's not normal. That's not right.
05:56When really, how often are they even having sex with their husband and or do they even like it?
06:02She's 14. Leave her out of this.
06:05This kid must be so confused.
06:09What would I be confused about?
06:11As long as you guys are happy, I'm happy.
06:13Yeah. Oh, here's one for you.
06:15Okay.
06:15That's not a marriage. It's a business relationship.
06:18Oh.
06:19Marriage is kind of a business relationship anyways, isn't it?
06:22Yeah. You can call it a business all day long. I'll take it. And I'm successful too.
06:29Sometimes I let the hate get to me.
06:30I think for me, the biggest thing is I have had to learn that I don't need to prove myself
06:35to anybody.
06:35Today, my co-worker is coming over. It will be interesting to compare my lavender marriage and his gay marriage.
06:41I just can't get enough of the gays.
06:43I love the gays.
06:45Hi, guys.
06:46We rock in.
06:47That's so nice. Thank you.
06:49Come on in.
06:51But Skylar doesn't know that you actually came out originally.
06:54Oh.
06:55I thought you just came out recently.
06:57No.
06:57Yeah, well, I did.
06:58But I thought that was the first time that you just decided.
06:59So we met in 2008, and I was actually the first person that he came out to.
07:04First person, like, ever.
07:05Ever.
07:05I've never put my head down in a bed next to a man and woke up the next day ever
07:08in my life.
07:09Still to this day.
07:10Still to this day.
07:10This was one of the first women that, like, didn't care and just really always saw me for me, and
07:15that felt like love. That was love.
07:18I'm curious, like, how has it impacted London at all?
07:22The only thing that she didn't want was a divorce from us, and she was asking, so now I have
07:27to live in separate homes?
07:28Well, I was going to say, I think it would have impacted her a lot more if you had said,
07:33hey, I'm gay, and because of this, we have to split up.
07:36And your whole life has changed, but committing again to each other in that lavender marriage, her life hasn't really
07:41changed.
07:41You're both still here as a family.
07:43She gets to come home every day and wake up every morning knowing that, like, my mom and dad, no
07:48matter who they end up with, like, they've chosen me.
07:51They've chosen to, like, create a safe family.
07:53Even though it's not a romantic relationship, that's my person, and he always will be.
07:58What's the long goal for you?
08:00Yeah, who knows?
08:01But I would like to date eventually and have a boyfriend and experience all that, and I would like that
08:05for her as well, too.
08:06I would like to have another gay friend.
08:10You're up.
08:12Is there anything that you wish you could have done differently, or?
08:15I regret absolutely nothing.
08:17Starting my family, raising my daughter, getting married to Brandy, I would not change it for the world.
08:23London sees a good, healthy family, and she's growing up with parents that are teaching her to be authentic.
08:29I know my parents are happy, and that makes me happy.
08:31And it really is just a normal family with one tiny little tweak.
08:36What would you say if people would feel sorry for you?
08:39You have nothing to be sorry for.
08:41My life is probably better than yours.
08:43In the nicest way.
08:46Like, okay?
08:47I say live your own life.
08:48Who cares what other people think?
08:50You do you?
08:52Boo-boo.
08:52Boo-boo.
08:54I feel like the best part about being a parent in a lavender marriage is I get to do all
08:58of this with my best friend.
09:00Raising a daughter when there's mutual respect, honesty, communication, having fun.
09:07One of the best aspects of being a parent in a lavender marriage is that I am a parent, right?
09:12I'm a gay man who was given this gift of being able to be a father.
09:16That makes me want to choke up a little bit.
09:17But, um, so, you know, that's something that I'm really grateful for.
09:20Sorry.
09:24Well, don't make me cry.
09:26I gotta redo that.
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