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We deliver full episodes of top drama series across romance, thriller, mystery, crime, and emotional storytelling. From Turkish dramas and Asian series to global hits, our content is carefully selected to match what audiences are searching for right now.
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TVTranscript
00:05The End
00:46Oh, God, look at this.
00:53She has risen!
00:56Oh, no!
00:58I was never dead.
01:00TMZ got a bad tip.
01:01They issued a retraction this morning.
01:03But they said they carried your body off a boat in Singapore and you didn't make it.
01:06What?
01:07They said they carried your body off a boat in Singapore and you didn't make it.
01:13No, yeah.
01:13No, no, no.
01:14I didn't make it to the hospital.
01:17I came to an ambulance.
01:19I had them reroute me to my hotel.
01:21Hallelujah.
01:22Jesus.
01:24We didn't want to believe it, but it made sense because of your, you know, your, your breakdown.
01:30My breakdown?
01:31Yeah.
01:32That late night?
01:33It was all over the news that you went cuckoo.
01:36Cuckoo.
01:41Debra Vance is alive!
01:58Motherfuckers!
01:59These headlines are horrible.
02:02How Debra Vance lost her way and lost late night in the process.
02:05Oh, diva down.
02:07Talk show host's bizarre behavior raises serious concerns.
02:11Ever since you went to Singapore, Bob Lipka has been smearing you in the press.
02:14But I defended you in all the comments with my burner at Joyce Goldblood Chang.
02:18Oh my god, Debra Vance is on air break.
02:21Why they cut the feed before her meltdown.
02:23What?
02:23That's a bad one.
02:24Oh, once an arsonist, always an arsonist.
02:26Debra Vance burns down late night?
02:28Oh my god, I knew that social media detox was going to bite me in the ass.
02:32First, I was tagging some very unflattering photos.
02:34Now this?
02:35There are hundreds of these.
02:37Where are all the articles calling me a free speech warrior?
02:39Well, there were some positive ones, but they've been buried.
02:42Of course, because that bastard owns almost every news outlet.
02:45Oh my god.
02:46I think we've all read the stories.
02:48Speaking of.
02:48Yeah, it's tragic.
02:50Of course, I wish Debra had spoken to us first, but hey, it is a tough gig.
02:54Not everyone's built for it.
02:56We'll just hope she gets well.
02:58Gets well?
02:59Gets well?
02:59Gets well!
03:01No wonder the obituary was so bad.
03:03They needed someone to blame, so they blamed me, the crazy lady.
03:06It's a fucking house fire all over again.
03:09We need to sue, okay?
03:10And we need to get these websites to issue a retraction.
03:13I don't think that's good.
03:13No.
03:14Damage is already done.
03:16Fuck.
03:16We need to shift the narrative with something bigger than all of this.
03:20Like what?
03:22I'll figure something out.
03:29Sorry, Casper.
03:32I think we should do a couple's costume for Halloween.
03:37Well, what are you thinking?
03:38Or at least...
03:39Knock, knock!
03:40Hey.
03:41May I?
03:42Sure.
03:45Regret to inform you that Jeff Dunham is signing elsewhere.
03:49Fuck!
03:50But the meeting went so well, I even got along with this stupid-ass puppet!
03:53All of our meetings go well.
03:54And then they find out we can't do business with Bob Lipka's companies and they ghost us.
03:57Well, it doesn't help that our client list is older female and losing bone density by the minute, Jimmy!
04:02You don't have to tell me twice!
04:03We lost two clients to Bad Falls this month alone.
04:05It's sad, and I don't want to visit the hospital again.
04:08Parking is a nightmare!
04:09I didn't want to tell you this, but we lost Lassie.
04:13The dog signed somewhere else?
04:14No, I mean we literally lost her.
04:16She ran away.
04:17And she's not fixed, Jimmy!
04:18She's probably taking loads of every pity from here to Santa Clarita, stupid whore!
04:21Alright, look.
04:22I know this isn't popular.
04:23No one's going to want to hear this, but I think we should revisit the conversation about downsizing this office.
04:27No!
04:27We're not downsizing.
04:29Don't make me say that again.
04:31Kayla, the office, the rent, the phones, the insurance, it costs $30,000 a month to be here.
04:36It's worth it.
04:37We're projecting success to the industry.
04:39I mean, there's already nasty gossip going around about us ever since you beat the shit out of Bob Lipka.
04:42I didn't beat the shit out of him.
04:44I just knocked his phone out of his hand.
04:45We had a little scuffle.
04:46The assistant slack is still a buzz for us.
04:48Not good.
04:49If we move now, it's a death bill.
04:52Okay.
04:53Fine.
04:54It's Damien.
04:55Says Debra wants to have lunch in Vegas this afternoon.
04:57Oh my god, the last minute flights are going to be so expensive.
04:59This is what I'm talking about.
05:00Do you know it's free?
05:01Give BMW, which I just had vacuumed.
05:03It's spotless.
05:04You could eat an omukasi off the dash.
05:06Sure, but if we're going to drive and be there at lunch, we've got to go now.
05:08Road trip.
05:09I'll drive.
05:09Don't worry.
05:10I just got my license.
05:11Just?
05:12Shotgun.
05:13Okay, I guess I'll sit in the back of my own car.
05:15I'm going to go with me.
05:22Wake up!
05:22Woo!
05:24I figured it out.
05:26What time is it?
05:27Actually, what day is it?
05:28Every obituary leads with a person's greatest achievement.
05:30Or failure.
05:32That's why I need a win.
05:33A legacy-defining win that they cannot spin.
05:35Okay.
05:36I refuse to be remembered on other people's terms.
05:38As a quitter.
05:39Or the person who killed Late Night.
05:41Or some hysterical woman.
05:42I have worked too hard and I have fought far too long.
05:45I will be remembered for my accomplishments.
05:48Yes!
05:49So I have decided to EGOT.
05:54Uh, EGOT?
05:55Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony.
05:56Oh, I know.
05:57Well, actually, I didn't.
05:58I thought the G was for Golden Globe.
05:59But I love that.
06:01I love that!
06:02Oh, good.
06:03I kind of assumed you'd think it was crazy.
06:05No.
06:06I think it'd be crazy if you did not do that.
06:08Right?
06:08Great!
06:09Come on, get up.
06:10We're having lunch with the team.
06:11Now!
06:12Lunch?
06:13I'm still on Singapore Standard Time.
06:17Midnight snack would be good.
06:31Let's try!
06:31It's male alive!
06:33It's hard!
06:33It's worth it!
06:36I mean, I know EGOT is ambitious, but I'm already halfway there.
06:39I have a daytime Emmy for hosting Begongle.
06:42Yes!
06:42Oh, my God.
06:43Begongle.
06:43Yeah.
06:44Wait, what?
06:44Oh, Begongle was a game show on the USA Network in 1992 where celebrities played Boggle on a
06:50constantly shaking floor.
06:51So funny.
06:52And I already have my Tony for producer.
06:53In a post-coital haze, Eric Idle convinced me to put some money into Spamalot.
06:57Anyway, I already have my T and my E, so now I need you to get me my O.
07:03Oh.
07:05Oh.
07:05Well, it was for Oscar.
07:06No, I know what O stands for.
07:07I just meant O, like a reaction.
07:09Oh, that's crazy.
07:10Wow.
07:11Anyway, Debra, I'm going to have to review your contract because I have to see what you
07:14can even do legally.
07:16Busman, permission to speak?
07:18Sure.
07:19Now, the network paid out Debra's contract and they did it all through her exclusivity
07:22clause, not the non-compete.
07:24Technically, she can't do anything scripted or paid.
07:26TV, film, no new media.
07:27They control her socials.
07:28No live public performances.
07:30And the contract specifies Florida law governs.
07:33And because Debra already signed her injunctive relief clause, if she violates the contract,
07:36they can come out of her with a restraining order or worse.
07:39You memorized all that?
07:41Inadvertently.
07:41Someone recently told me they thought I was autistic.
07:44That was me this morning.
07:45Oh, yeah.
07:46Anyway, she can technically still film something out as long as it's not released until the
07:50non-compete is over.
07:51I like this young man.
07:53The thing about an Oscar is-
07:53About Jimmy.
07:54It's not that difficult.
07:55I mean, award voters love it when funny people go dead serious.
07:59Just find me my Monique moment.
08:01Well, I can set you up as a girl's guy.
08:02Oh, no.
08:02Onto the grounds.
08:03Tragically, I have been nominated for my stand-up record seven times I have never won.
08:07Seven?
08:08I was seven.
08:09Not a Bands in Hell, Hunter the Night for Over the Drama, Live at the Mall of America,
08:14The Lester Diaries, Live Free Your Diet, The Dead Commandments, and The Best Things
08:19in Life are at Sears.
08:20The Riffin's Live, sponsored by Sears.
08:22So, yeah.
08:22Seven.
08:23Robbed.
08:23Now, I know I can't do stand-up right now, so I'm taking a different route.
08:26I'm going to compete in the best audiobook category by recording my memoir.
08:30You wrote a memoir?
08:31That's great.
08:32Well, no, not yet.
08:32But I happen to know the best writer in the world.
08:36Oh.
08:37Tony Kushner.
08:39Hey, what about me?
08:40You can't write my memoir.
08:41You're too obsessed with me.
08:42It's cool.
08:43I give up on developing my pro skills when I realize Gen Alpha can't read.
08:47All right, everybody, let's go.
08:48G.O.
08:49Stands for Grammy.
08:50Oscar.
08:51Yeah.
08:52I'm not scared.
08:53Woo!
08:53A Grammy and an Oscar.
08:55Ava.
08:56No, I know, okay?
08:57But you don't understand how bad it got in Singapore.
08:59She was sleeping all day.
09:01She was drinking till noon.
09:02Jimmy, she wore Crocs in public.
09:04Did the Crocs have a heel?
09:05No.
09:06But she keeps her heels on during surgery.
09:08Yeah, so that's why whatever she wants to do, we need to get on board, okay?
09:12Okay.
09:12Yeah.
09:13And you know what?
09:14I guess she has done crazier things, right?
09:15Yes, of course.
09:17She can do anything.
09:18We can do anything.
09:19Speaking of which, I need you to write and sell a huge international hit that has potential
09:23for sequels.
09:24Can you do that?
09:25I...
09:25Look, I would never normally pressure a client to help our firm financially, but we really
09:30need to...
09:31We've had a tough few months.
09:33Jimmy, she gave up the show for me.
09:35You know, I have to stay and help her.
09:36I'm sorry.
09:37No, no, no.
09:37I get that.
09:39Actually, I did finish my Mall Girl script in Singapore.
09:41I can send you that.
09:42Amazing.
09:43Okay, great.
09:44You send me that, and I guess I'll go get Deborah an Academy Award?
09:49Perfect.
09:50Great to see you.
09:56Mr. Kushner, I just want to say it's such an honor to observe the writing process of one
10:02of my heroes.
10:03I mean, Angels in America was just, yeah, so formative for me.
10:06Oh, that's sweet.
10:07She's just shadowing, so feel free to ignore her.
10:09I often do.
10:10Oh.
10:11So, Tony, where do we start?
10:13I'm thinking a chapter a day, 15 chapters.
10:15We should be able to wrap this up in two weeks.
10:17Easy.
10:18We're going to need far longer than that.
10:20I really believe in an immersive process.
10:23Oh.
10:24Okay.
10:25Well, I don't tend to love those whiny childhood parts of most celebrity memoirs, but then again,
10:32I was a very strong child.
10:34I held up my own head at three months old.
10:35My little blonde head.
10:37Oh, wow.
10:38I know.
10:39Oh, that would make a great opening sentence.
10:41Quote, I was born blonde.
10:43I actually want to start way before that.
10:46Since your people descend from Scotland, I've been reading The Lion in the North, 1,000 years
10:53of Scotland's history.
10:54Did you know that your eighth great-grandfather was a prominent figure in the Battle of Glenfruin?
11:01I didn't.
11:02It's really fascinating stuff.
11:04It starts with the McGregor clan.
11:06They were in a feud with the Coughlin clan over cattle thefts and land thefts.
11:09It's like the beginning of the 17th century when James VI, there was a big home out, moved
11:14to England to become James I, and it was the start of the Jacobean era, and then the translation
11:19of the D.J.
11:20of B.J.
11:20B.J.
11:20B.J.
11:25Okay, what if Debra produces a documentary short?
11:28That's got to be an easy category, right?
11:29There's no way Debra's getting into that category this year.
11:32I mean, do you see how many ongoing wars we have going on right now?
11:36There's at least a nominee coming out of each.
11:38Unless Debra wants to drag a film crew through the Congo, it's not happening.
11:42God, this is impossible.
11:43It is.
11:44Is it, though?
11:45Because correct me if I'm wrong, there already is a movie with early Oscar buzz that Debra
11:48has a connection to.
11:49Which one?
11:50The Fatty Arbuckle movie, Jimmy?
11:52The one you're producing?
11:53Hello?
11:54Ah, yeah, no.
11:55That's the only project we have without Debra or a rabid dog attached.
11:58Absolutely not, no.
11:59And dare I say I'm proud of my work on it.
12:01Thank you very much.
12:02It's an awards season dream.
12:04It's a biopic.
12:05It's got famous actors playing a game's type.
12:07It's a period piece.
12:08It's got everything.
12:09She just needs a small part.
12:10Do you know that Beatrice Strait won the Oscar for Network despite having only five minutes
12:14of screen time?
12:15Five minutes!
12:16I didn't know that.
12:17I had no idea.
12:17But it doesn't matter.
12:18We're already finished shooting.
12:19Don't we have to do reshoots?
12:20No, we are doing additional photography.
12:21Reshoot!
12:22We are doing additional photography that's different than a reshoot.
12:24It's a different thing.
12:25Christopher Plummer was nominated for a performance done entirely within additional photography.
12:31Wow.
12:31How do you know all this stuff?
12:33Once I started learning about Hollywood, I couldn't stop.
12:35Such a fascinating mix of culture and business and art and history.
12:39It's America.
12:40I mean, maybe if she was Australian I could see it.
12:43But, no, look, the Arbuckle movie is the only thing that's going well for a firm.
12:48I can't mess it up.
12:49All right.
12:49Whatever you say.
12:50Maybe she could learn sound mixing and rise to the top of her field in the next two weeks.
12:55The worst idea I've ever heard.
12:57Hey, there are no bad ideas, but...
12:58No, it's okay.
12:59I probably shouldn't have said anything.
13:02Fuck!
13:03You've got to be more sensitive to her, okay?
13:05Kayla, Kayla, honey, it's okay.
13:07You know what?
13:07There are no bad ideas in a brainstorm.
13:08And it's really hard to get an Oscar.
13:09Is that a break or a foul home?
13:12But God bless a child that's out of the song.
13:17Okay.
13:17So today, let's start with high school.
13:20I was gorgeous, smart, and popular.
13:22College, same.
13:22Now that's when Frank came in.
13:24Before we get into that, let me just play you something.
13:28I stood there, shivering in my pajamas, and...
13:31I think this is the soundtrack for the first chapter of the book.
13:36I think this is the soundtrack for the first chapter of the book.
13:36Books don't have soundtracks.
13:38No, the soundtrack I'll listen to while I write that section of your life.
13:41Oh my God, that is such a cool way to do it.
13:45God, when I write, I just change out of my sleep pajamas to my daytime pajamas.
14:14Is that all there is?
14:20Is that all there is?
14:24If that's all there is, my friends,
14:28Then let's keep dancing.
14:32Oh, Fatty.
14:33I can't be alone.
14:35I wish I could hold you just one more time.
14:42I can't believe I'm saying this, but Deborah actually would be better for this part.
14:45Uh, yeah, anybody would.
14:47Let's cut.
14:49I'm sorry, guys, I'm really having trouble accessing the emotions today.
14:53No, no, no, darling, you're doing fantastic.
14:55We love it.
14:57I hate it that she's so bad.
14:59Yeah, she's been horrible all day.
15:01Do you think that maybe she'd be better if we put peanut butter on the roof of her mouth?
15:05What?
15:05We recently did the last reboot.
15:07She's kidding, I think.
15:07I'm not kidding.
15:08I hope.
15:09Look, I hate to say this, but I do think we should recast her.
15:12You do?
15:13That's a good idea.
15:14I mean, this movie's about a comedian, right?
15:15It's leaning a little maudlin.
15:17I think you should put a comedian in the role, right?
15:20What about Deborah Vance?
15:23It's an interesting idea.
15:24Does she act at all?
15:25Are you kidding?
15:26She was the lead of Who's Making Dinner?
15:27Groundbreaking sitcom in the 70s?
15:29Oh, wow.
15:29She's great at that.
15:30And you know what is crazy?
15:30Her story is exactly like Fatty's.
15:32I mean, she was cast aside by the public.
15:34She was maligned.
15:35But then she rose from the ashes.
15:36It's actually really good for the narrative, and I think she'd be amazing in the park.
15:39That was very inspiring, Kayla.
15:40I just totally came up with it.
15:42Didn't she go crazy or something?
15:43No, no, no.
15:44That was a coordinated smear campaign.
15:45That is absolutely false.
15:46I can tell you, Esme.
15:47All those things you've read.
15:48Something not true.
15:49She's sassier than ever.
15:50Okay, great.
15:50I love it.
15:51Let's do it.
15:52Okay.
15:52Awesome.
15:53And you have to fire Esme because I'm not good at being direct with people.
15:56You're a director.
15:58I know.
15:59Okay.
16:00Great.
16:01Cool.
16:02Moving on, everyone.
16:03All right, moving on.
16:06God, I can't believe you recorded a book already.
16:08Oh, no, no.
16:09The book's not happening.
16:10I fired Kushner.
16:11You fired Tony Kushner?
16:13Hmm?
16:14Oh, Deborah!
16:15God!
16:16I was going to slowly develop a relationship with him over the course of years and then
16:19eventually ask him to read my script, and he was going to love it.
16:22You know how it is with men.
16:23If they're not moving at your pace, it just gets boring and painful after a while.
16:26Okay, so why are we in a recording studio then?
16:29I had McKinsey run the numbers to see if I could still get a Grammy this year.
16:34Deborah, we talked about you not using McKinsey.
16:37You said I could do it if it was for a good cause.
16:39No, I didn't.
16:40Well, it is, and I did.
16:42Apparently, it is an incredibly weak year for one Grammy category.
16:46Regional Mexican music album, including Tejano.
16:50And...
16:51And if I'm featured with the frontrunner, and they win, which they will cause it's a weak
16:54year, I get my G!
16:56Yay!
16:58Hey, Deborah.
16:59We're ready for you.
17:00Thanks.
17:02Okay.
17:02Wish me luck.
17:06Did you know about this?
17:07Yes.
17:09What's this?
17:11Hi, hi.
17:11Hello, how are you doing?
17:13Good.
17:13All right.
17:14Yeah.
17:15Hit it!
17:17Hit it!
17:18Hit it!
17:19Hit it!
17:20Hit it!
17:20It's cigarritas que solo yo puedo querer, de porcelana que solo yo puedo perder, son
17:28las que más quiero yo, y solo son bellagros, son mi vida.
17:36Oh, God.
17:37I hate firing people.
17:39Let's do good cop, bad cop.
17:40I'll be bad cop.
17:41They're sexier.
17:42Okay.
17:43Just...
17:44Okay.
17:44We should see a concert soon.
17:46I'm kind of in the mood for a concert.
17:48All right.
17:49Come in on.
17:52Hi there.
17:52It's Jimmy and Kayla.
17:53Yeah.
17:54Hi.
17:54Hi.
17:55We need to talk to you, honey.
17:57Okay.
17:58Sure.
17:58Come on in.
18:00Oh, thank you so much for welcoming us into your space.
18:03Of course.
18:06We should start by saying that you, madam, have been just so punctual.
18:12Of course I'm punctual.
18:13That being said, you're bad.
18:15You're acting's ass.
18:17Hey.
18:17And you're being outperformed by a dead corpse, mama.
18:19Okay.
18:20Sorry about her.
18:20Give us a second.
18:21That was insane.
18:22But honestly, it's on me.
18:23I should have never let you be bad cop.
18:24You be good cop.
18:25Okay.
18:26Kind of an oxymoron, though.
18:28Fucking pigs.
18:28Just be as nice as you possibly can, okay?
18:30Okay.
18:31I'll be the nicest girl in the whole world.
18:33Sorry about that, hon.
18:34I'm super bipolar.
18:36Oh, my God.
18:36I did not know that.
18:38Um, yeah, I, uh, I'm really sorry about that, but unfortunately I do have some bad news.
18:44Okay.
18:45Those are your real lips.
18:47If so, your boyfriend's one lucky son of a bitch.
18:50I have a wife.
18:52Oh, gay ass.
18:53Listen, there's no easy way to say this.
18:56You are being recast.
18:57What?
18:58Oh, my God.
18:59You are terminated and effective immediately.
19:01Please pack up your things and return your costume and the wig cap.
19:03Fuck you, Jimmy.
19:04Seriously?
19:05What?
19:05I mean, this is so unfair, right?
19:08Insane.
19:08Wrong.
19:09Let's get the union involved.
19:11You jackass.
19:12No, we're not getting the union involved.
19:13We're just recasting.
19:14It happens every day.
19:14No, I mean, seriously, you've been mistreated in the workplace.
19:16No, she hasn't.
19:17This is just a recasting.
19:18It happens every day in Hollywood.
19:19I've never seen something like this.
19:21It happens a lot, okay?
19:22Unfortunately, this decision is final.
19:24You're fired.
19:25But you're also signed by us as a client.
19:28Really?
19:29Mm-hmm.
19:29Kayla.
19:30I am seeking representation.
19:32Well, you found it.
19:32Schaefer and Lusak.
19:33Welcome to the family.
19:34Oh, my God.
19:35Yeah, we should definitely get a dinner on the books.
19:38Yay!
19:39Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.
19:42Yeah.
19:43To us for comfort.
19:45To us, tell you to be the smile.
19:47I'm a screenwriter.
19:49I consider myself a playwright who's learned to write screenplays.
19:52Or perhaps I should say, I'm a playwright who's learned to write screenplays for Steven Spielberg.
19:56Hello.
19:57Hey, what's up?
19:58I've been thinking, the real way to cement my legacy is for me to primary AOC.
20:05What do you think?
20:07Oh, um, yeah.
20:10Yeah, totally.
20:11That sounds good.
20:12I guess we'd have to get you a New York address first.
20:15In the Bronx.
20:15I could be cool.
20:16We could hang out there.
20:17I heart New York.
20:17I would love to hang out in New York City a lot more.
20:19I would love that.
20:20Okay, that's it.
20:21What is wrong with you?
20:23Nothing.
20:23What are you talking about?
20:24You're not challenging me in your normal,
20:26Well, haven't you ever considered Ava Way?
20:29I'm just trying to be supportive.
20:30Well, I don't need a yes man.
20:32I need a no woman to ignore.
20:35Okay, well, fine.
20:38Uh, yeah, things got really dark in Singapore,
20:41and it was really scary seeing you that way.
20:43And now you're back, and you're motivated,
20:45and it's just nice to see you getting out of bed every day excited.
20:49Well, okay.
20:53But, you know, I do sometimes.
20:56I need you to be honest with me.
21:00Okay, well, I don't think performing Tejano music
21:03is how you want to rewrite your legacy.
21:05Por que no?
21:08I just, I don't know that, like,
21:10trying to find some loophole to game the system
21:12in an obscure awards category
21:14is what you want to be remembered for, is it?
21:16Maybe.
21:18I mean, this non-compete could be a blessing in disguise.
21:20I could discover something new I'm brilliant at,
21:22my true calling.
21:23I mean, look at Woody Allen.
21:24He's a gifted clarinetist.
21:26Doll, Woody Allen is not going to be remembered
21:28for playing the clarinet or the movies or the bucket hat.
21:31It's going to be the other thing, okay?
21:33And you are going to be remembered for comedy
21:35because you're a comedian.
21:37You said it yourself in your final monologue, remember?
21:40Oh, God, I don't remember what I said.
21:42I certainly haven't watched it.
21:43Yeah, well, maybe you should.
21:47Okay.
21:48What is the biggest achievement for a comedian?
21:51Beating a rape trial.
21:53Seriously.
21:54Hosting a late-night show.
21:56Come on, anything else?
21:59Selling out Madison Square Garden.
22:01Okay, great.
22:03But I can't do that.
22:07I can't perform.
22:08I know, and I don't know how to get around that.
22:11I don't know what to do.
22:12So you have a bump, but no pitch.
22:17Yeah, I'm sorry.
22:19Yeah, me too.
22:27I'm going to bed.
22:31And I...
22:33Fine.
22:56What?
23:06No results.
23:08Unbelievable.
23:09Yeah, they've taken down every late-night clip.
23:11This is criminal.
23:12Hang on.
23:14Oh, shit.
23:15What?
23:17They took down my bad, too.
23:20What?
23:24Why would my special be gone?
23:26Because it's on their streamer.
23:28Bob Luka controls that, too.
23:30They fucking scrubbed everything.
23:33Everything.
23:35Everything that we have worked on for the past five years is gone.
23:40They're not just rewriting me.
23:41They are erasing me.
23:43I'm so sorry.
23:45You know, the last time the press smeared me, I just let them.
23:49I leaned into it.
23:50But not this time.
23:51This time, I am writing my story.
23:53Because you're right.
23:53I am a comedian.
23:55And I'm doing comedy.
23:56And I'm doing it tomorrow night.
23:58Totally.
23:59Super support you.
24:00But how are you going to...
24:01Call Jimmy, manager.
24:02Being let go is a normal part of the business.
24:05I'm sure she'll be okay.
24:06Thank you, Warner.
24:07But again, I do want to revisit working on your boundaries with clients.
24:11I've been thinking about that a lot.
24:12And I am...
24:13Oh, you know what?
24:14Debra's calling.
24:15Same time next week?
24:16Great.
24:18Hey, Debra.
24:19Hi.
24:19Hi, hi, hi.
24:19I hope it's not too late.
24:20No, no.
24:21This is great.
24:21I actually want to talk to you.
24:22I just figured it was too late for you.
24:24Are you ready for your close-up, Mr. Vance?
24:26What?
24:27I got you a part.
24:28Your Oscar is just one great performance, nomination, flawless campaign, and win away.
24:32No, I'm over that.
24:34Don't need an Oscar anymore.
24:35No, yes, you do.
24:36You need it.
24:37You told me you needed it.
24:37And we recast somebody.
24:39We're putting you on the call sheet right now.
24:40Jimmy, I'm doing stand-up tomorrow.
24:42Oh, no.
24:43You're sundown in Darlin'.
24:44You cannot perform.
24:46No, I'm going to do a secret show.
24:48We're going to confiscate phones.
24:49Well, no venue's going to agree to that.
24:51They don't have to.
24:53I know a guy.
24:56Password?
24:57Hermes Kelly 28 Kroc Gold Hardware.
25:03Follow me.
25:04They're just a tech.
25:15Phones, please.
25:16If your babysitter calls, Damien here will handle it.
25:19And if you try to sneak in a device, you will be tased.
25:22They are good.
25:22Follow me and watch yourself.
25:24You're not liable people, ladies.
25:26Open any hard candy now.
25:27So help me God if I hear a rustle, you're gone.
25:31Sit.
25:31Right this way.
25:32Front row, best seat in the house.
25:34You do have to sit on the floor, though.
25:35Sorry about that.
25:35Did you get your line yet?
25:37The Arbuckle movie is freaking out.
25:38All right, let me try her again.
25:44I'm so sorry, everybody.
25:45I'm so sorry.
25:48Oh, it's my son calling.
25:49He's been trying to reach me.
25:51Hi, honey.
25:51What's going on?
25:52You know that we shoot until midnight every night.
25:54I know.
25:54I'm sorry.
25:54Just listen.
25:55I got you a role in the Fatty Arbuckle movie.
25:57Okay.
25:58Say more.
25:58Here's the only issue.
25:59We lose our location Saturday, so we have to shoot tomorrow.
26:02Can you be off book for eight pages by morning?
26:04Baby, are you kidding?
26:05I'm in soaps.
26:06I could be off book for Hamlet in 20 minutes.
26:08Oh, great.
26:09Okay.
26:10Oh, the show's starting.
26:11I gotta go.
26:11I'll text you.
26:12All right, love you.
26:13Okay.
26:14My mom is in.
26:15She's gonna do it.
26:15Debra, Debra, Debra, Debra.
26:46Oh, thank you.
26:49Here I am, back from the dead.
26:54You know, when a man does that, he's the son of God.
26:56What a woman does that she's held for questioning at LAX.
27:01The only other time I was mistaken for a corpse
27:03is when I let a straight man do my makeup.
27:10You know, when you're away from the spotlight,
27:14you have time to think about what really matters.
27:18The spotlight!
27:19God, you're going to be there!
27:35Oh, can I try the kitty cat?
27:37Mmm. Oh, that is fierce.
27:40Stunning. Stunning.
27:42Oh.
27:42Excuse me.
27:43Are you Deborah Vance?
27:44Yes, I'm alive!
27:46And you've been served.
27:51Bitch!
27:53Shit, there's a video of you from the show online.
27:55I can't believe all those people found it so quickly.
27:58Looks like we're going to court.
27:59Ma'am, we need that ring back.
28:00She'll give it back when she's ready.
28:27We've just learned the judge has ruled that due to Comstar's investment in promoting
28:30Deborah Vance as the host of Late Night, the clause barring her from performing is in fact
28:34enforceable. A temporary restraining order will be put in place until a full trial can be set.
28:39This is a huge loss for Ms. Vance and her team. We'll be covering...
28:43Okay, okay. Give us some space, please, to stay back.
28:48Free speech is under attack in this country. Today, I have been told that I cannot so much
28:53as perform one single joke or I will go to jail. But they can't censor me forever.
28:59The moment that my contract expires, I will be speaking my truth. In fact, I'll be shouting
29:04it at my comeback show at the world's most famous arena, Madison Square Garden. Thank you.
29:12Excuse us, guys. Excuse us, please. Back it up. Back up. Give us some room. Thank you.
29:18The garden?
29:19Yeah. It's the ultimate wing for a comedian. If I sell it out, I'll be one of only a handful
29:23who have ever done it. And that's a lot of airtime.
29:27Mm-hmm.
29:28Wait. You leaked that video, didn't you?
29:31No! I did.
29:33That was a great pitch.
29:34We had to announce somehow.
29:37Oh, my God.
29:39Oh, my God.
29:39Just say
29:40I can't live
29:42No, no, no, no
29:44I can't live
29:46Oh, my God.
29:49I'm back
29:49Back in the New York room
29:53I'm back
29:54Back in the New York room
29:56Hey!
29:57Learn how to drive you, Jabroni!
29:59I'll stay in the butt of the fucking Hudson.
30:04It's so great to be back in New York.
30:06Yeah.
30:07What?
30:07What?
30:08Oh, my God!
30:09Oh, my God!
30:09Oh, my God!
30:10Here I am
30:12In this shit
30:13With those fists rolling out
30:15And, baby
30:17You better believe
30:18I'm back
30:19Back in the New York room
30:23I'm back
30:23You come bearing gifts
30:24Wow, I see that
30:26Hi, pretty
30:31Oh, look at that
30:32Look at that view
30:33That's gorgeous
30:37You know, I can't accept bribes
30:39Bribes?
30:39I don't have to say bribes
30:41No, this is
30:41I just have a little
30:42I was thinking
30:42It was like a host
30:43And I went to a
30:44This is a gift
30:46Well, I heard that you were
30:48Understandably less than pleased
30:50That I announced I was doing a show
30:51At your esteemed venue
30:53Before I had actually booked it
30:55And I just wanted to come in person
30:56And apologize and say
30:57I cannot wait to work together
30:58You're right
30:59I was very pissed off
31:00Because that is not how things work around here
31:03No
31:03I'm sorry
31:04And if you would come to me
31:06I would have told you
31:07That I don't think you're right for MSG
31:08I think you're right for Radio City
31:11I think you're right for Webster Hall
31:13Ha!
31:14I know this bitch didn't just say Webster Hall
31:16Oh, okay
31:17I can tell you're a whole deal
31:20She is
31:20But we do feel very strongly
31:22That the Garden is the best venue
31:23For someone of Deborah's stature
31:24Okay
31:25The talk show was great
31:27But you don't have the cops
31:29You haven't toured in years
31:30You barely have any social media presence
31:32It's just
31:33It's too much of a gamble
31:34I will sell out
31:37And even if I don't
31:38What does it matter to you?
31:39I mean, we will front the rental costs
31:40You'll be off the hook
31:41It's not just about the money
31:42If you are playing MSG
31:44You are the center of cultural conversation
31:46I mean, our venue is a major part of New York City's history
31:49We can't just let anyone perform here
31:51I'm sorry
31:52Isn't there a live true crime podcast playing tonight?
31:54Murder My Stupid Ass Please
31:55Has over 90 million monthly listeners
31:57It is hosted by two of the most popular people in America
32:01They swayed the presidential election
32:03You know, I think you might be underestimating Deborah's fans
32:05Because they are rabid
32:06They abducted me once
32:07I got free, but I didn't call the cops
32:09Because they are so sweet
32:11My point is
32:12They're enthusiastic
32:13And these tickets are going to sell
32:15I just don't see it
32:16This won't be just a stand-up show
32:17This will be historic
32:18I'm taking down Bob Lipka
32:20And his censorship of me
32:21And speaking truth to power
32:22This is bigger than just me
32:24I'm sorry, Deborah
32:27I'm so sorry
32:28I should not have wasted your time
32:30With this petty
32:32Gifting business
32:34Had two shares of Berkshire Hathaway
32:35The class I stuck
32:36Thank you so much for coming by
32:38Absolutely, thanks
32:39We'll leave these with your sister
32:40Thanks for your time
32:43Have a nice day, I guess
32:46That MSG booker is dumb
32:48And her leather jacket was stupid
32:49No, it was a full-grain leather
32:50And a sophisticated cup
32:51Fine, she's rich, cool, and ruining our lives
32:53We just need to reignite the base
32:56The Little Debbies would help me with anything
32:57Do you remember in 93?
32:59They started that hunger strike
33:00So I could get reinstated
33:01At the spokesperson for Snackwells
33:02Or when they crashed
33:03The Eileen Fisher website
33:04The day your casual dust was dropped
33:05Yeah, exactly
33:06What about that autograph
33:07You mentioned in Vegas
33:07You passed on
33:08The Little Debbies will love that
33:09You are a genius
33:10Alright, we get my biggest fans
33:12Together in one place
33:13I shower them with love and affection
33:14And then we ask them
33:15To organize a grassroots movement
33:17To get me Madison Square Garden
33:19When is it?
33:20Three weeks, the 21st
33:21That's Ava's birthday
33:22It's fine
33:23Are there any other options?
33:24No
33:24No, no, no
33:25Honestly, I don't care about my birthday
33:26I really don't
33:28You have to at least take the day off
33:30And hang out with who?
33:32I only have one friend, remember?
33:33What are you talking about?
33:36Remember the last night in Singapore
33:37You said it was weird you were my only friend?
33:40You probably don't remember
33:41You're pretty drunk, girl
33:42It's fine
33:43Don't worry
33:43I didn't survive growing up in Massachusetts
33:45By letting a drunk person's insults affect me
33:48Seriously
33:48You should do it
33:49So should I cook it?
33:51Yeah
33:52Here, Jimmy
33:53Get the shot
33:57Perfect
33:59That's what we've been waiting for?
34:01Yeah
34:01For content
34:02I need one content
34:19Good morning, my favorite ladies and Damien
34:23So we've talked to the organizer
34:24Slipped him a hundo
34:25And guess what?
34:26They moved Heather Locklear to the other side of the building
34:27Good
34:29She's still my exact shade of blonde in 98
34:30And look, I know you want to be out by three
34:32So I'm going to talk to Billy Baldwin
34:33And see if he'll give you his time slot in the photo studio
34:35Perfect, yeah
34:35I don't want to be here too late
34:36Okay
34:36I'm going to head to the table
34:37All right
34:38See you over there
34:40And you
34:41Happy birthday, birthday, girl
34:42Thank you
34:44Oh, thanks
34:45I know we normally get you a gift
34:46But we are a little low on funds this year
34:47I'm sorry about that
34:48Don't even worry about it
34:49Oh my god
34:49I finished your mall girl strip last night
34:51Ava
34:51It is so good
34:53Oh
34:53Yeah, I laughed, I cried
34:55It's like, it's emotional and cinematic
34:57It's really special
34:57And I can't wait to send it around
34:58Oh my god, amazing
34:59Thank you
35:00I'm proud of you
35:01Oh, coffee birthday, girl
35:03Wow, this is a really fancy tray
35:05Had it custom made
35:07Heaters built in
35:08USB charging
35:09Patent ending
35:10You're a really good assistant
35:12You know, in Hollywood
35:13It's not about good or bad
35:14It's about power
35:16Nice watch
35:22Oh, honey
35:22I would love to sign it
35:23But I can't legally
35:25I love you guys
35:29Do they aren't
35:30They're probably just
35:31filming at the mouth
35:32Hey, my little jammies
35:39Hi
35:42Hello
35:44Oh, wow
35:46The DV industry Swiss army knife
35:47It's got it all
35:48It's got the tweezers
35:49It's got the brow spoolie
35:51And come on
35:51Who could ask for more than that?
35:53Very rare item
35:54Actually, it's widely available
35:56On the internet
35:56Which you'd know
35:57If you were still active
35:58On the DV message boards
35:59Um, how would you
36:01How would you like me
36:01Just your name, please
36:07It's great to see you
36:10Hey
36:11How's it going?
36:12Oddly, I do see
36:13Well, I just met the actor
36:15Who gave Dawson a blowjob
36:16On the boat
36:16And sees it very something
36:17On Starstruck and Amazing
36:18One autograph
36:19Hi there
36:20Hi
36:22Hi
36:22Oh, hey
36:23Sorry, I think the line
36:24Starts back there
36:25Oh, no
36:25I'm actually here for you
36:27I am a huge fan
36:29Of me?
36:31Yeah
36:31I was obsessed with Girltown
36:33And you always wrote
36:33The best episodes
36:34Oh, my God
36:35I left college for that job
36:37I know
36:38And then I followed you
36:39On Twitter
36:40Even now, I'll just
36:41Randomly look up
36:41Your old tweets sometimes
36:42Oh, no
36:43Don't do that
36:44Anyway
36:45Then I saw my bad
36:46Because I heard
36:47That you'd worked on it
36:48Yeah
36:49I'd never even seen
36:50Deborah before
36:50I mean
36:51It's kind of crazy
36:52How you've changed
36:53The whole trajectory
36:53Of her career
36:55She's mad lucky
36:56To have you
36:57I wish you said that
36:58A little louder
36:58But thank you
36:59Will you sign
37:00Your Times Magazine cover?
37:03Yes
37:04I've never
37:05Signed anything
37:06For anyone before
37:07Wow
37:08This is amazing
37:09I really now understand
37:10Why parasocial relationships
37:11Are replacing real ones
37:13But seriously
37:14Thank you for all
37:15That you contribute
37:15To society
37:18Anytime
37:22I'll catch you around
37:23Yeah
37:24I'll be around all day
37:25Coolie
37:26Coolie
37:28I can't tell you
37:29Sorry
37:31It's on me
37:32Thank you
37:32Thanks
37:33Thanks for coming
37:34Oh Ezekiel
37:35Nice to see a familiar face
37:37What can I sign for you?
37:39I've actually signed something
37:40For you
37:40It's my resignation letter
37:42As president of the
37:42Debra Vance fan club
37:43Southwest branch
37:44Is he
37:45You've been a pillar of the
37:46Little Debbie community
37:47For years
37:48I heard that
37:48Kathy Griffin
37:49Is looking for an infusion
37:50Into her base
37:51So I am taking my talents
37:52Elsewhere
37:53Okay
37:53Okay
37:54What
37:54What is going on?
37:55What is the problem?
37:56The problem
37:57Is that you
37:58Went Hollywood
37:59I did not go Hollywood
38:01Yes you did
38:02You haven't sent out
38:03Debra's do's and don'ts
38:04In almost two years
38:05I don't know what to do
38:06And what not to do
38:06Sometimes I just sit in the dark
38:08Yeah
38:09You discontinued your car insurance plan
38:12And now I'm uninsured
38:13Oh honey
38:14You gotta have insurance
38:16And you discontinued
38:17To do the Debra Vance
38:17Red light mask
38:18I liked the burns
38:19It eventually turned to tan
38:20Yeah
38:21You don't want to make
38:22You're a lizard
38:24Hey
38:25Get into a single file line
38:27Or you will be tased
38:28Do not fuck with me
38:33You should address
38:34The lizard thing
38:35Without gaining traction
38:38Who's next?
38:39And you really don't mind
38:40Switching with Debra?
38:40Oh no no no
38:41Not at all
38:41That rant you did
38:42Against Lipka
38:43Gold
38:44Legend
38:45That's a friggin' animal
38:46Tell me about it
38:47Plus she always invites me
38:47To our 4th of July party
38:48I never go
38:49But the invite's always nice
38:51Well you're gonna be
38:52On the list forever
38:53Ma'am
38:53We appreciate you
38:54Never too big Jimmy
38:56Never too big
38:57My man
38:57Alright
38:58Okay
38:59Now that's a guy
39:00I could be friends with
39:00I love him
39:01Exactly what I like
39:02To hear from you boss
39:02Because I do not want
39:03To see you fall prey
39:04To the male loneliness epidemic
39:06No
39:06I know it's terrible
39:07My uncle Moore
39:08He shot himself in the head
39:09It's Rene O'Connor
39:10Of course
39:11Who's that?
39:12From seeing a warrior princess
39:13The show
39:13The show on the WB
39:14Oh TV show
39:15Yeah
39:16I haven't made it to TV yet
39:17I'm still making it
39:17Through all the movies
39:19She's Xena
39:20No that's Gabrielle
39:21That's Xena's battle partner
39:23Her confidant
39:23She's a traveling bard
39:24Well you gotta go say hi
39:25Hell no
39:26I would be so nervous
39:27I would faint
39:27No I couldn't
39:28I mean I've seen every episode
39:29Multiple times
39:30I even still have a recurring dream
39:31That I'm helping Xena
39:32Save Prometheus
39:33So that humans don't lose
39:33Their capacity for healing and fire
39:35Jimmy
39:35You're meeting her
39:36You'll regret it if you don't
39:37Come on
39:38You think?
39:38I know so
39:39Okay
39:40Okay god I wish I had a beta blocker
39:41Alright let's go
39:43Woo
39:44So are you working on anything else
39:46Other than writing for Debra?
39:47Yeah
39:48Yeah I actually just read a movie
39:49About a girl who lives at the mall
39:50Oh such a good idea
39:52Got my tickets
39:53I am so russat
39:54You're so sweet
39:56Shit wait
39:56This is just occurring to me
39:58Are you gonna have to leave Debra?
39:59No no
40:00I mean
40:01Especially not after what she did for me
40:02At late night
40:05So
40:06What's your
40:07Like
40:08Dream?
40:09You know I've always wanted to create my own show
40:11I was voted
40:12Most likely to show run
40:14My high school yearbook
40:15I mean I did create
40:16The super elitid
40:17But still
40:17Really hope this isn't weird
40:18That I know this
40:19But um
40:20It's your birthday today
40:21Right?
40:22Yes it is
40:24And you're turning 30
40:25Right?
40:26Yeah
40:26Poof
40:27Pretty big milestone
40:29Are you like
40:30Freaking out about where you're at
40:31In your life?
40:32No
40:32I mean
40:33No not really
40:34I don't think
40:34Should I?
40:35No
40:35No I'm not
40:36Well
40:38I'd love to get you something for your birthday
40:39Like a cupcake
40:40Or
40:41You don't have to
40:42But if they have chocolate cake
40:43I'd take chocolate icing
40:44Or if they have vanilla cake
40:46I still would want chocolate icing
40:47But if unfetti's in the mix
40:49Of course I'd have
40:49They just have corn muffins
40:50Perfect
40:51It's your day
40:54Why are you performing only at Madison Square
40:56Climb in that force
40:56But New Hampshire
40:57I mean we are important too
40:58We built a revolutionary war fleet
41:00And we so appreciate that
41:02You stopped doing your annual Christmas conference call
41:04Now how are we supposed to sync up our micro thing?
41:06You never published another book of debokus
41:08And the regular sudokus are just too hard
41:11I'm mad you left QVC
41:12And I'm mad you didn't leave QVC earlier
41:16Work it out
41:17I miss Marcus
41:17Damien never sends us locks of your hair
41:22You didn't endorse a candidate in the presidential election
41:24So why didn't vote?
41:26And now my kids won't talk to me
41:28I sent you two suspicious packages
41:29And didn't even receive a cease and desist letter
41:31You used to care
41:32Okay that's it
41:33I need a break
41:34Ten minute break
41:38These people are impossible to please
41:39I mean my fans seem to think
41:41I owe them every single moment of my life
41:43Think of it this way
41:44Today you are being paid to be LDAP
41:46For some people that's a kank
41:50Oh yeah this is classic heavy
41:51Oh she looks the exact same
41:54Did you know it was actually the fans
41:55That saw Xena as a guest character on Hercules
41:57And they were so enthusiastic
41:58That they actually helped get the spin-off series made
42:00Grassroots movements are always so inspiring
42:03That is until they turn bloodthirsty
42:05Next
42:06Here we go
42:07We paid
42:08I'm Renee
42:09I'm Renee
42:10I'm you're Renee
42:10I'm Renee
42:11You're Renee
42:11I'm Renee
42:12I'm Jimmy
42:12You're Jimmy
42:13I am so sorry
42:14I'm so sorry
42:15This is weird because
42:16So okay I'm a manager in LA
42:17So I never get starstruck
42:18But I think that you were such a talent
42:20And the series meant so much to me
42:22I was so lucky to be a part of that world
42:24Have you ever thought about doing a rewatch podcast?
42:26You know they're really big right now
42:27Where you go through old episodes and discuss them
42:28I don't think enough people want to hear me talk about that
42:30Girl shut up
42:32We love the show
42:33We watched it all
42:34People would love that content
42:35Like the Hope storyline
42:36You know
42:36When did you realize your daughter was going to be evil?
42:38Was it from the beginning
42:39Or did it slowly dawn on you?
42:40Well her father was a wicked demigod
42:42So it kind of tipped it off for me
42:43Right
42:44Mysteriously impregnated at a demon ritual
42:46I was like that's going to come back
42:46Do you mind if we get a photo?
42:49Of course
42:50I'm sorry I'm sweating
42:54Smile big
42:56Bigger
42:57Not that big
42:59Split the difference
42:59Split the difference
43:00You should just start over
43:01Get all new fans
43:02I mean there are people born every day
43:03Right?
43:04I gotta tell you
43:04I mean as someone who just got their first fan
43:06You really need to cherish these fans
43:07It's been 12 minutes and I said 10
43:09Oh
43:10Okay hey
43:10Just try to keep it together
43:12Right?
43:13No promises
43:16Hello
43:17How can I do better for you?
43:19Oh no
43:19I just wanted to say thank you
43:22Oh
43:24You're welcome
43:24For what?
43:25Well my mom and I have been like
43:27Huge fans of yours
43:28Ever since lived for your diet
43:30And we came to Vegas
43:31And we saw you at the Palmetto
43:33And then we were like literally quoting your jokes
43:36For 10 hours
43:37The entire car ride home
43:39It was like the best weekend
43:40I'm so glad
43:41Thank you
43:42Anyway
43:43We made you something
43:44To say thank you
43:48It's you, Barry, and Kara
43:51Wow
43:51And we made this completely out of natural seeds and grains
43:5529 types
43:56We were sorting yellow peas for an entire winter
44:00Just to nail your light honey blonde
44:02It's gotten a little warped
44:04Because we made it three years ago
44:05But you haven't been to any of these
44:06So we couldn't get it to you
44:08But here you go
44:12That's beautiful
44:13That's beautiful
44:15Is your mom here so I can thank her?
44:18Oh no
44:20She passed
44:21In May
44:23I'm so sorry, honey
44:25Thank you
44:25She would be so happy
44:27That I was finally able to get this to you
44:29She really loved you
44:32Thank you
44:34Thank you
44:42I need a minute
44:45It's okay
44:46Damien, it's okay
44:51Oh
44:52Oh
45:03Oh
45:04Oh yeah
45:04Been there
45:05It's Carpool Tunnel
45:06You need one of these
45:08No
45:08It's not that
45:10It's
45:11It's
45:12Ah
45:12Fan art's so ugly
45:15It moves you to tears
45:16Something like that
45:17I once had a guy paint a portrait of me
45:19Using a stamp pad and his anus
45:23It's framed in my bathroom
45:24No
45:25It's not that it's ugly
45:26I mean
45:27It is
45:28I mean
45:29It's just
45:29This
45:30This woman
45:31And
45:31Her mother
45:33Spent months of their lives
45:35Making this
45:36Oh yeah
45:37But so what
45:37They love doing it
45:39They support us
45:41We show up for them
45:42That's the freaking deal
45:43Mama
45:44Well that's the thing
45:46I haven't been showing up for them
45:48And
45:49They're very mad
45:50At me for it
45:51They'll forgive you
45:54I don't deserve it
45:56I just came here to exploit them
45:57Because I need their help
46:00Well
46:02Just tell them what you need
46:04They want to feel like they're in a relationship with you
46:06And that you need them more than anyone else
46:08And it sounds like you might
46:10The truth will set you free baby doll
46:14That's all they want
46:20That
46:20And a t-shirt
46:22That only some people are allowed to get
46:39Little Debbies
46:40I have news
46:43Madison Square Garden won't give me a date
46:45Because they say I'm not big enough to play it
46:49So I came here
46:50To get you
46:52To rally for me
46:54Which is unfair
46:57Because
46:57You're right
47:00I have neglected you
47:02And
47:03I am so sorry
47:05Hold on
47:06They're saying you're not big enough to play MSG
47:09Fuck that
47:09The Garden would be lucky to have you
47:12Thank you
47:14Well in time I hope
47:15That I can regain your trust
47:16They don't get to tell you what you can and can't do
47:19That's our job
47:20You're the greatest comedian of all time
47:23So the Knicks can play MSG
47:25But not Deborah Vance
47:27Misogynistic bullshit
47:28I don't care if you are a lizard
47:30You deserve to play MSG
47:33As president of the Little Debbies Tucson chapter
47:35This will not stand
47:37Wait sorry
47:37Sorry
47:38I thought you were my fan
47:40What are you talking about?
47:41That's Cindy
47:41She's the third generation Little Debbie
47:43That's right
47:44I'm here for Deborah
47:45I just wanted to replace you and write for her
47:47You stupid bitch
47:49Oh my god
47:51So you didn't like any of my tweets?
47:53They're not jokes
47:54They're thought poems
47:55Okay
47:56Deborah
47:56Who do we talk to about this?
47:59Amanda Weinberg at msg-entertainment.com
48:041 Madison Square Garden Plaza Suite 3H
48:08Deborah
48:08We will get you that motherfucking venue
48:11That's a promise
48:11You know what?
48:12If you can do that
48:13I'm making the tickets $20
48:15So you all can come
48:16And you know what?
48:18I'm bringing back Deborah Plus
48:20Thinking of it out
48:21This year's Christmas theme
48:23Is fuchsia and cherry
48:25The 1997 Redux
48:34I didn't think it would be
48:35But the Macchiato
48:36Perfect amount
48:36Jimmy
48:37Macchiato was really good
48:38Jimmy
48:38Jimmy
48:38Oh Renee
48:39Hey
48:40You know
48:40I want to thank you for your advice
48:42I reached out to Lucy
48:44And she loves the Xena rewatch podcast idea
48:46Lucy Lawless knows my idea?
48:47Yeah
48:48Well you know
48:48It's really nice to talk about business
48:50With someone who is familiar with my work
48:52I never had a rep pitch me any ideas
48:54Much less actually watch the whole show
48:55What?
48:56People are insane
48:57People are sick
48:57People are sick
48:58Sick people
48:59Piece of shit
49:00I'm sure your roster is crowded
49:01But would you ever consider representing me?
49:05Us?
49:06Yes
49:06Absolutely
49:07All right
49:07Well then
49:08I mean I probably should give you 10% of what I made today
49:12No no no
49:12That's not necessary
49:13But thank you
49:13Are you okay with hundreds?
49:15Yes
49:16Love that we are
49:17Take care
49:18Thank you
49:18This is difficult
49:19Okay well this was amazing
49:21Consider yourself a client of Schaefer and Lussac
49:23Yeah let me put you on an email with Lucy and I next week
49:25When you're back in LA we'll take you to dinner
49:27You like Greek?
49:27I love Greek
49:28I don't need octopus though
49:30Anymore
49:30They're too intelligent
49:31That's right
49:32That's right
49:36Eric has started with a beast
49:38Oh my god
49:44I'm surprised
49:46This is crazy
49:48We love you girl
49:49Thank you
49:51Happy birthday love
49:55Happy birthday honey
49:57Look who's here
49:58Oh wow
49:59Hi
49:59Hi
50:00Honey Regan
50:01It's me
50:01Hi
50:04It's so nice to see you
50:05It's been forever
50:06It's great graduation
50:07How could I forget?
50:09Yeah we've never called
50:09I told her how inseparable you two were
50:11And how it would mean the world to you to be together on your 30th
50:14So here we all are
50:15Absolutely
50:16Yup
50:16How are you?
50:18Amazing
50:18Yeah
50:19I married Greg Holland
50:21Remember him?
50:23He ran through a glass door
50:24His cousin drowned in the quarry
50:26Oh yes Greg
50:27He used to put girls in his hockey bag
50:28Him
50:28Anyway
50:29We have four kids under six
50:30Whoa
50:30Yup
50:31All natural
50:32Sorry for you
50:33Anyway needless to say
50:35I am thrilled to be here
50:35Yeah I bet
50:36I should tell you
50:37Mr. Merch just died
50:37Oh that's so sad
50:39No it's not
50:39He was a pedophile
50:40Convicted
50:41Multiple times over
50:43Let's party
50:44Come on
50:48Oh my god
50:49Oh my god
50:50And we got just a few of your favorite things
50:53The entire Jack and Box menu
50:55A cranberry kombucha
50:57Oh yes
50:58Cupcakes from a queer bakery
50:59And of course
51:00Oh my god
51:01For two cheese rolls
51:02And pappuccino pappuccino
51:03I have a phone in this morning
51:05I miss these rolls
51:08I don't want them
51:10The spray cleans the screen
51:12While the brush wipes the crumbs from the keyboard
51:15Thank you so much
51:17Please use it
51:18I will sorry
51:18Ladies and gentlemen
51:20We have one last surprise
51:22Please give a warm welcome
51:24To Jesse McCartney
51:31This one goes out to the most special girl in the world
51:34You know who you are
51:36It's me
51:37Happy birthday
51:38I've heard about this in my middle school journal
51:39It's coming true
51:41I know
51:41I read your journals
51:43That's why he's here
51:46I don't want another pretty face
51:49I don't want just anyone to hold
51:52I don't want my love to go to waste
51:54I want you and your beautiful soul
51:59Yeah
52:03I know that you are something special
52:07And to you I'd be always faithful
52:12And I want to be
52:15What you always needed
52:17Then I hope you see the heart in me
52:21I don't want another pretty face
52:23I don't want just anyone to hold
52:26I don't want my love to go to waste
52:28I want you and your beautiful soul
52:33Okay, I'm sleeping in late tomorrow
52:36You can bowl your own cantaloupe
52:38Good night
52:39Night
52:39You know what?
52:40I'm going to say good night now too
52:42I have a 4.15am flight to Papayate
52:44To see my boyfriend
52:45In the senior world windsurfing competition
52:47I'm sorry, you have a boyfriend?
52:48Well, I emailed you about him
52:50I emailed her
52:50Uh, no, I don't think you did
52:51Well, I'm seeing someone, Ava
52:53And it's become physical
52:55The first since your father
52:56Well, depends what you count
52:58Oh, God
52:59Well, I love you
53:00Okay
53:00Bye
53:01Good night
53:02Good night
53:03Good night
53:03Bye
53:03Awesome
53:06Wow
53:07Oh, my God
53:08That was a successful party
53:10Yeah
53:10It's so many friends
53:12Who showed up for you
53:14And that Jenny
53:15You know, the one who drank vodka
53:17Out of one of my
53:17Really nice one glasses
53:19Yes
53:19Jenny Regan
53:20The girl I only befriended
53:22So that I could play with her hermit crabs
53:23And then she stopped being my friend
53:24When she got her period before me
53:27Oh
53:29Friend's a friend
53:30And you got a lot of them here
53:35Deborah
53:37Did you only throw me at this party
53:38Because you feel bad
53:39About what you said
53:39On the boat in Singapore
53:41No
53:42A party
53:42A birthday party
53:43Wow
53:44Did you ever hear of one of those?
53:45Guilt looks good on you
53:47Deborah
53:47You don't have to feel guilty about that
53:50You're not wrong
53:52You are my only friend
53:55What hurt me was that you said it was weird
53:57Because I don't think it is
54:00You know, I think you're the reason that I
54:03Haven't been there for the Little Debbies
54:06I used to spend so much time with my fans
54:08But it wasn't for them
54:11It was for me
54:13I mean, they were my friends
54:17Because I never really had any
54:19Yes, you did
54:20You had friends
54:21You've always had friends
54:22You have tons of friends
54:23You know
54:23I was popular
54:27I never had a best friend
54:32Well, I mean, you know
54:34My sister
54:35You know, we know how that went
54:37So I just relied more and more on
54:39The Little Debbies
54:40And it was as much for me
54:43As it was for them
54:46But then I met you
54:50And I didn't need them so much anymore
54:53Well, it makes sense
54:56I'm your number one fan
55:00Hey!
55:01Oh, oh, oh
55:01Oh!
55:02You've got 50 minutes left on your birthday
55:04What do you want to do?
55:06Hmm
55:08Oh!
55:09Oh!
55:13That's a new phone background
55:15Someone's smoking the Cheech
55:16Be you!
55:18You're still here
55:19Oh, yeah
55:20I just fucked Jesse McCartney
55:22Yeah!
55:24You cheated on Greg?
55:25Okay, you don't know our arrangement
55:26Wow, okay
55:27You open?
55:28No
55:30Hey, you mind if I rinse off in your swimming pool?
55:32I don't like a UTI
55:33Sure
55:34Wonderful
55:34Thank you
55:37Wow
55:37A lot of salt and pebble shakers
55:38You think you got enough?
55:40Sorry about that
55:41Oh, here
55:42Try this
55:45What is it?
55:46It's my pumpkin yogurt bread batter
55:48I want to include a fat-free recipe in my newsletter tomorrow
55:51Mmm
55:52Because my Little Debbies are going to need all the energy they can get
55:56Absolutely
55:57I was going to say get out of my head
55:58Because when he
55:59When he took the old step
56:04Can't take my place
56:06These remains were never recovered from that creep
56:08All right, it's Paris
56:10Put your shoes on, honey
56:11This episode of Murder My Stupid Ass, please
56:13Is sponsored by Dev for MSG
56:14Go to change.org today
56:15And add your name to the petition
56:16Amanda
56:25Oh, good
56:26This is all for you
56:27What?
56:30Oh, my God
56:31They're from my home address
56:31Oh, my God
56:33No, I don't want anything to do with this
56:35Return to sender
56:36Except the old name
56:37I got three other bands
56:39I am being stuck and harassed
56:41Return to sender
56:42Grassy ass
56:43I don't want anything to do with this
56:46I don't want anything to do with this
56:53Have you ever seen
56:54What people is everything
56:56What's to go with
56:58There she is!
57:00I'm the core of
57:02I'm the one
57:02I'm the one
57:03I'm the one
57:05I'm the one
57:06I'm the one
57:06I'm the one
57:08I understand many of you
57:09Have been waiting for me to speak on this
57:11So hear me now
57:12I am not a lizard
57:15And I know that is something a lizard would say
57:18However
57:19That was really, really believable, though
57:21Yeah?
57:21Thanks
57:22Perfectly
57:23The harassment has got to stop
57:26Still don't think it's a good idea
57:28But I'm giving you a date at the garden
57:30Oh, okay
57:31Wow, that's fantastic
57:33Yeah, great
57:34Thanks, Amanda
57:35We'll talk real soon
57:39We're going to MSG
57:40Yes!
57:42One
57:43September 11
57:44Not 11
57:45It was the only date available
57:46Run!
57:48Ah!
57:48Here we go!
57:50Ow, that hurt!
57:51God, it's like high-fiving the hole
57:53Of your step
57:55Wh Ren
57:55Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
57:56Uh!
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