Norm Macdonald Live S02E02 Norm Macdonald with Guest Adam Sandler DD 2 0 monkee

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Transcript

00:00:07Welcome to Norm Macdonald Live. Very excited about tonight. Big, big name as our guest.

00:00:15Alongside me, of course, my trusty sidekick, Adam Egot.

00:00:19Oh yeah, Norm. I noticed you're dressed as Don King.

00:00:21Don King, yeah. You know, I do an impression of Don King.

00:00:24I didn't know that at all.

00:00:25I have done it in my act for the past five years or so to highly mixed reaction.

00:00:31And here's how it goes. I'm going to do it to this camera right here.

00:00:34This is Don King, were he living in Japan.

00:00:38Don King, if he were a Japanese citizen.

00:00:42Don King, if he lived in a tiny island nation known as Japan.

00:00:49Here it is.

00:00:51Only in Japan, y'all. Only in Japan.

00:00:55Only in Japan. Only in Japan.

00:00:59Isn't that funny?

00:01:00Yeah.

00:01:01So he lived in Japan.

00:01:02Yeah.

00:01:03Yeah.

00:01:04You are right.

00:01:07Sineful breath.

00:01:09Okay, so we will be back with the amazing Don King right after this.

00:01:16Whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:01:16Huh?

00:01:17We don't have... It's Adam Sandler.

00:01:20Adam Sandler?

00:01:22Adam Sandler.

00:01:23He's not doing the show.

00:01:24Yes, he is.

00:01:26He's dressing room.

00:01:28I thought it was Don King.

00:01:29No, where did you...

00:01:30This week is Don King.

00:01:31Where the heck...

00:01:31Where did you even hear that?

00:01:32Because I've been trying to get Don King forever.

00:01:34Well...

00:01:35I asked, Brent, did I not say to you, do we have Don King this week?

00:01:40Yeah, Norm, I said no.

00:01:41You said no.

00:01:43I thought you were being sarcastic.

00:01:44I said no repeatedly.

00:01:46I thought it was a running joke, Brent.

00:01:50That's not...

00:01:50When you say no, and you think it's sarcastic, it means yes.

00:01:55Right.

00:01:56So I kept asking him.

00:01:57Do we...

00:01:58Do we...

00:01:59This is what I would say.

00:02:00You say what you would say.

00:02:01Do we have Don King?

00:02:02No.

00:02:04So we have Don King?

00:02:05No, we don't.

00:02:06We have Don King.

00:02:07We don't have Don King.

00:02:10And now I would laugh.

00:02:12Oh, well.

00:02:13Whatever.

00:02:14So, but it's exciting we have Sandler.

00:02:16Yeah.

00:02:16Wait a minute.

00:02:17It took me three hours to get this wig on.

00:02:19You're going to look ridiculous.

00:02:20You can't interview him like this.

00:02:21Of course I can't interview him like this.

00:02:22You're going to look stupid.

00:02:23It's going to take me three hours to get the wig off now.

00:02:25Oh, shit.

00:02:28What are we doing?

00:02:29All right.

00:02:29I thought of an idea.

00:02:31Don't worry about it.

00:02:32Calm down.

00:02:32What are we going to do?

00:02:33I thought of an idea.

00:02:34Just relax.

00:02:35All right.

00:02:35Go to the dressing room.

00:02:37Is Sandler in the dressing room?

00:02:38Yeah, he's in the dressing room.

00:02:39Go to the dressing room and tell him that we're going to do the show in three hours.

00:02:43Um, don't.

00:02:44Yeah, go on.

00:02:45I don't want to.

00:02:46Go tell him.

00:02:46Just tell him three hours.

00:02:47He's a good guy.

00:02:49Tell him three hours and then we'll be ready for him.

00:02:52Good God.

00:02:53Thank you, Adam.

00:02:54I'll get this wig off.

00:02:56Yeah.

00:02:56Gayla.

00:02:57Three hours?

00:02:59Gayla.

00:03:01Gayla.

00:03:02Come to your home.

00:03:03We have to take the wig off now because it's not Don King.

00:03:07It's Adam Sandler, who I love.

00:03:10Okay.

00:03:12So now I have to go through this process again.

00:03:16Okay.

00:03:17Ready?

00:03:17Uh, yes, go ahead.

00:03:19Okay.

00:03:21That's it?

00:03:22Well, yeah.

00:03:25It took three hours to get that one.

00:03:26Well, it's harder to get, you know, on.

00:03:28Did you just look me in the eye?

00:03:29She just looked me in the eye, Brent.

00:03:32I'm sorry.

00:03:32I don't have to talk to you.

00:03:33Yeah, well, that's in that memo, Cadet.

00:03:39Thank you, Gayla.

00:03:40Do you have a mirror?

00:03:41Yeah.

00:03:45Do you have a fucking mirror?

00:03:47Yes, Norm.

00:03:52I love mirrors.

00:03:54You're probably not too fond of them.

00:04:00Should charge more for mirrors for fellas like me, Gayla.

00:04:04Yes, they should, Norm.

00:04:08Sorry for looking at you.

00:04:11You weren't being sarcastic, were you?

00:04:12No, I would never be sarcastic.

00:04:14Hey.

00:04:15Hey, how are you, Adam?

00:04:16It's great to meet you.

00:04:17It's nice to see you.

00:04:18I just, I feel awful.

00:04:20It's an honor to have you here, but unfortunately, we're running a few hours behind.

00:04:26A few hours?

00:04:27Yeah, just a few hours.

00:04:28We're having a little bit of a technical problem.

00:04:32Yeah.

00:04:33Wow, wow.

00:04:34I wish somebody would have told me that.

00:04:36Um, you know, again, I'm, I'm, I'm sorry, you know?

00:04:40Yeah.

00:04:40If you could just bear with us, I, we...

00:04:42Gotcha, gotcha.

00:04:43I just, just kind of, just got to do something.

00:04:46Okay.

00:04:46What, you have like somewhere to be?

00:04:48No, no, no.

00:04:49I just got to do something.

00:04:50Oh, no!

00:04:52Oh!

00:04:53Oh, good Christ almighty!

00:04:56That is a lot of pain!

00:04:59Oh!

00:05:01Oh!

00:05:02Oh, God, you're kicking me in the belly!

00:05:05Why?

00:05:06Oh, please stop!

00:05:09Okay, fair enough.

00:05:10Just don't kick me in the face.

00:05:13I need to work on television.

00:05:16Oh, my God!

00:05:17Now you're kicking me exclusively in the face!

00:05:21Oh, God, please!

00:05:23What have I done to deserve?

00:05:25Oh, God, thank God!

00:05:29Oh, you stopped!

00:05:30Oh, thank you, Lord!

00:05:32Oh, no, you returned!

00:05:35What's in your hand?

00:05:37It looks like a skillet!

00:05:39It is!

00:05:40It is a skillet!

00:05:42Where did you even obtain a skillet?

00:05:53That's enough.

00:05:55Okay.

00:05:55You're excused.

00:05:59Can I have a mirror?

00:06:00No, you cannot have your mirror.

00:06:05Get Adam Egan in here.

00:06:07Yes, ma'am.

00:06:08Come on.

00:06:15Both sides are the same.

00:06:19Some fellas are blessed.

00:06:22Adam Egan, where have you been?

00:06:23Turns out, I, uh, in a jiffy, the wig came off.

00:06:30You could have, by the way, why the hell did it take you so long?

00:06:34I had to talk to a gala for ten minutes.

00:06:37You get...

00:06:45Well, that was, that was entertaining.

00:06:50Gala!

00:06:51Yes, ma'am.

00:06:53Adam Egan decided it would be funny to spit blood on the desk.

00:06:59Can you please wipe that off?

00:07:07Ed McMahon, big sidekick, Joey Bishop, Hugh Downs, Andy Richter, don't recall any of them

00:07:17ever spitting up blood.

00:07:19You know why?

00:07:21Not funny.

00:07:28Sandler wasn't happy.

00:07:30Sandler wasn't happy.

00:07:31Well, I'm not happy because I haven't talked to Gala for ten minutes.

00:07:34Jesus Christ.

00:07:37Where is he?

00:07:38He's supposed to be sitting in this chair.

00:07:42Can you get him?

00:07:44Can you get him?

00:07:47Can you get him?

00:07:50Can you get him?

00:07:54Can you get him?

00:07:58Can you get him?

00:08:01I apologize, ladies and gentlemen.

00:08:03When we return, Adam Sandler.

00:08:17Tonight, for the full hour, our guest, Hollywood's biggest star, you've seen him in films like

00:08:22Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, The Wedding Singer, Punch Drunk Love and many more.

00:08:28You loved him on Saturday Night Live.

00:08:30I sure did.

00:08:31And his double platinum comedy albums, They're All Gonna Laugh at You and What the Hell Happened

00:08:35to Me.

00:08:36With us for the full hour is Adam Sandler.

00:08:39Adam.

00:08:40Normie boy.

00:08:40How are you, boy?

00:08:41I love you.

00:08:42I already like it here.

00:08:43Adam.

00:08:44Thank you, guys.

00:08:45I know.

00:08:45It's almost better to have no response than that.

00:08:49You're right.

00:08:50But it's sort of like, it reminds me of Tom Snyder.

00:08:52Do you remember him in the old days?

00:08:53Fantastic.

00:08:54Yeah, he'd be in the middle of the night.

00:08:55Yeah.

00:08:56A small, like, crowd of people and then a big swirl of smoke around him.

00:09:00No kidding.

00:09:01Huh?

00:09:01He looked like a real man, like you.

00:09:03He was a man's man.

00:09:04You could take over that spot, buddy.

00:09:05What spot?

00:09:06The Snyder spot.

00:09:08Oh, well, I'd never thought of that.

00:09:10Don't you think?

00:09:11Don't you think people should get together and demand it?

00:09:15Normie boy.

00:09:15That would be great, though.

00:09:16You'd be the best at that.

00:09:17It would be fun.

00:09:18It would bring a whole new light to, your guests would be stronger.

00:09:23Yes.

00:09:23To reveal more.

00:09:24More eclectic guests, and then we'd get inside their head more.

00:09:28You would get a lot of things out of them.

00:09:29Like we're going to do with you.

00:09:30Didn't you have the, oh, you put the New York symbol on that?

00:09:32Well, I was afraid no one was going to see it if it was facing that one.

00:09:35Oh, man.

00:09:35I needed to show respect.

00:09:37You're the king of the media.

00:09:37They're in first place right now.

00:09:38I know they are, yes.

00:09:39I could be going away today.

00:09:41Are you, who are you a fan of?

00:09:42My trusty sidekick, Adam Egan?

00:09:44Absolutely.

00:09:45I used to be a huge Dodgers fan.

00:09:47What happened?

00:09:48Well, I've been so busy.

00:09:50You can't get Dodgers games now in Los Angeles.

00:09:54It's an odd thing.

00:09:55Can't you pay for it?

00:09:57Perhaps.

00:09:58I mean, poor Vince Scully, too.

00:09:59What happened to Vince?

00:10:00Well, I'm just saying, no, I'm just saying, it's probably his last year.

00:10:03I've never heard Vince.

00:10:05Yeah, I called him Vince growing up, too.

00:10:06Vince Oli, I called him.

00:10:08Vince Oli.

00:10:09And then it turned out, it was when I met him.

00:10:11Yeah.

00:10:11I said, yo, what's up, Oli?

00:10:13He goes, no.

00:10:16Did you ever meet, because one time they forced me to do Marv Albert.

00:10:20I love that guy.

00:10:21He's the greatest.

00:10:21Right, yeah.

00:10:22And so I'm on the show.

00:10:23I can't say no.

00:10:24Right, right.

00:10:24It was my first year on the show, and he was in a little trouble.

00:10:28Uh-huh.

00:10:28And I was forced to do him in an unfunny sketch.

00:10:30Oh, you had to do him on the show?

00:10:32Yeah.

00:10:32So I'm doing, first of all, it's a bad impression.

00:10:34That hurts, that hurts, yeah.

00:10:35And then I meet him, and I forgot, you know?

00:10:37Oh, and he kind of stared you down?

00:10:39Yeah, well, he was nice, but he had to have seen it.

00:10:42I hate that, man.

00:10:43Yeah.

00:10:43Has that ever happened to you?

00:10:44You've never really taken on it.

00:10:46I've, when I was on SNL, yeah, I would do people, and I didn't even know I was hurting

00:10:50their feelings, because I was too young, and I didn't really get it.

00:10:54Yeah.

00:10:54I remember I did David Brenner, and I did David Brenner, and I sat next to him at a Knicks

00:11:00game, and I was like, and I love David Brenner.

00:11:02Yeah.

00:11:02And I was like, oh, and he's like, yeah, I was like, oh, what's happening?

00:11:06He doesn't like me.

00:11:07Oh, and then somebody told me.

00:11:09But this is true.

00:11:09But he's passed away now, so you can do him.

00:11:11No.

00:11:12All right.

00:11:12No, you know what?

00:11:13He was cool.

00:11:14He came and saw me at the comic strip and gave me advice.

00:11:16Really?

00:11:17I was friends with, his buddy managed me, and he brought David Brenner in to see me at the

00:11:23strip, and he told me to stop cursing so much.

00:11:25Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:11:26Everybody told me to stop cursing.

00:11:27Did they, who told you to stop cursing when you first started?

00:11:30I was super clean when I started.

00:11:32You were, you were cleaner.

00:11:34Yeah, I was very clean.

00:11:35You were solid, though.

00:11:36I got dirtier later.

00:11:37But you know, Fred Stoller told me, he got advice from Rodney.

00:11:42And Rodney said, kid, you're taking too many liberties, okay?

00:11:46Really?

00:11:47And the idea was he was pausing too much.

00:11:50Oh, ho, ho.

00:11:50He's like, get into the fucking joke.

00:11:52You're taking too many liberties.

00:11:53Oh, that's so funny, man.

00:11:54Rodney told me, he goes, hey, man, don't tell people you're a Jew.

00:11:57Don't do that.

00:11:58I can't believe you did that.

00:11:59I was like, well, it's too late now, Rodney.

00:12:01But I swear to God, the Marv Albert thing I remember the most on Saturday Night Live.

00:12:06Yeah.

00:12:06Okay, you remember how during the show, in the daytime, they would show the feed?

00:12:11And they, one time they had the feed on Nick's game.

00:12:15And Marv Albert, they go to commercial.

00:12:17And Marv Albert, I hear talking, I don't know who he was with, but somebody kept going,

00:12:22what time is your flight?

00:12:23And it's still going.

00:12:24He goes, ah, 7.20, I believe.

00:12:27What a game, though.

00:12:28And he's babbling about the game.

00:12:29He's going, this is tighter than I thought it would be.

00:12:31And the other guy goes, yeah, you know, did they put you at what hotel?

00:12:35And he's like, well, I believe, you know, Holiday Inn.

00:12:38But I'll tell you what, I did not think.

00:12:40And he's just discussing the game.

00:12:42And the other guy was so like, I don't care about the game.

00:12:44And Marv Albert couldn't stop.

00:12:45Who would have believed Johnson would be a factor?

00:12:49Exactly.

00:12:49That was beautiful.

00:12:50That's pretty great for him, though, huh?

00:12:52Yeah, he's a true fan.

00:12:54So he's, yeah, he's a fan.

00:12:56And when he got, unfortunately, taken out of the thing, it was a blow.

00:13:01Because sometimes they'll show clips of Jordan.

00:13:06And it'll be Marv Albert's voice the whole time.

00:13:09Right.

00:13:10Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:13:10It just went with basketball.

00:13:12His son's good, too.

00:13:13No, I didn't know what you said.

00:13:14Damn, Marv Albert's kid.

00:13:16Not Kenny Albert.

00:13:17Yeah.

00:13:17Is it Kenny Albert?

00:13:18Yeah, you want to do him, too, and hurt his feelings?

00:13:20No, I've never heard him.

00:13:22I don't like hurting people's feelings.

00:13:23You told me that.

00:13:25No, we don't.

00:13:25You said, don't hurt people's feelings.

00:13:26Yeah, I said quit.

00:13:27When I did the news.

00:13:29Because sometimes you forget that a person is a person.

00:13:31Spade.

00:13:32Yeah.

00:13:33Spade used to, Spade and Smigel don't realize they're hurting people's feelings.

00:13:37They're like, I was at dinner and he came at me really aggressively.

00:13:39So I was like, don't you remember all the sick things?

00:13:43Now, Spade, it's a famous story that, you know.

00:13:48Eddie?

00:13:49Eddie won't do the show because of Spade.

00:13:51He won't host the show.

00:13:53Yeah, I bet he let it go by now, but yeah.

00:13:56Well, why won't you host the show?

00:13:59Why should I?

00:14:00Huh?

00:14:00I don't know how good it would be.

00:14:02I'm slow now.

00:14:03Well, it never looks good for the host.

00:14:06There are guys who love doing it.

00:14:08Yeah, yeah.

00:14:08Who are great at doing it.

00:14:09I just don't know how good I'd be doing it.

00:14:11And I did what I could do on that show.

00:14:12I could never understand.

00:14:14Oh, I'm sorry.

00:14:14I just pointed at you.

00:14:15I could never understand.

00:14:17I thought you were going to say something else.

00:14:20I've paid very little for this.

00:14:22I don't know what I'm doing.

00:14:24I'm curious.

00:14:25Why did you get, you got fired?

00:14:28It doesn't make any sense to me.

00:14:30You never know at SNL.

00:14:32I don't know what happened.

00:14:33With me, it was clear that I was fired.

00:14:34But they had to fire you with something like that.

00:14:36Usually, like, people didn't quite know.

00:14:39We didn't know.

00:14:39It was me and Farley.

00:14:40You and Farley.

00:14:41Isn't that amazing?

00:14:42I think it was in 95.

00:14:43Like, you guys were...

00:14:45Well, he remembers it as the golden age.

00:14:48But I was there.

00:14:48Yeah, yeah.

00:14:49And everybody fucking hated it.

00:14:50They were yelling about the ratings all the time.

00:14:53Yelling how bad we were.

00:14:55All my favorite sketches were from that era.

00:14:57What was your favorite sketch?

00:14:58My favorite sketch of all time you were actually in

00:15:00was the Mr. Belvedere fan club.

00:15:03Oh, yeah, that was good.

00:15:04Fred Wolfe.

00:15:05That was a good one.

00:15:06And the other one you were also in,

00:15:08I always loved Sabra Price is Right.

00:15:10Both Tom Hanks, which is actually...

00:15:12That was old...

00:15:13Smigel wrote that one.

00:15:14Yeah, those were my...

00:15:16You were talking about...

00:15:17Hey, that was my first skid ever.

00:15:18Oh, the...

00:15:19Sabra's.

00:15:20Yeah, Mr. Belvedere.

00:15:21No, Sabra's.

00:15:22Sabra Price is Right.

00:15:23This is your greatest instrument.

00:15:25This right here.

00:15:27I just keep trying to tell him.

00:15:28I'd yell it so that he'll try, you know.

00:15:30He's got...

00:15:31You have a Farley-esque kind of feel to you.

00:15:35You mean...

00:15:36Like a sweetness.

00:15:36The Chris Farley's right?

00:15:37Maybe like Farley?

00:15:38Yeah, Johnny.

00:15:39More like Johnny Farley.

00:15:40Am I right?

00:15:41Oh, a little bit.

00:15:43You know the Johnny Farley.

00:15:44I'm Johnny Farley.

00:15:45But you mentioned earlier

00:15:46that you thought the movie

00:15:47was a little bit of Sabra Price.

00:15:50Oh, yeah, for sure.

00:15:51Yeah, I definitely saw that.

00:15:52A lot of the...

00:15:53Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:15:53Loved it.

00:15:54Thanks, buddy.

00:15:55Your favorite Adam Sandler film?

00:15:58Billy Madison.

00:15:59Oh, film.

00:16:00Oh, film.

00:16:00Yeah, Billy.

00:16:01Billy Madison was my favorite.

00:16:02How did you know

00:16:03that he was going to say that?

00:16:04Well, I know another guy was in it.

00:16:05Old Mark Beltzman.

00:16:10And Larry Hankin.

00:16:13Schlock!

00:16:15Now, Larry Hankin said,

00:16:16it was no Raging Bull.

00:16:20He didn't agree with the script.

00:16:22No, not 100%.

00:16:23But Normie boy,

00:16:24do you remember falling asleep

00:16:25in the middle of that shot?

00:16:27Yes, I do.

00:16:29Because they threw a bunch of ice on me.

00:16:31They had to wake you, yeah.

00:16:32Yeah.

00:16:32Because they get freaked out

00:16:34if someone dies on a movie set.

00:16:37Yeah, yeah.

00:16:38So they tossed a bunch of ice

00:16:39on my face.

00:16:40But the problem was,

00:16:41I was supposed to be drunk,

00:16:42and I didn't want to come off

00:16:45like Foster Brooks.

00:16:46Oh, right.

00:16:46So you played it past that.

00:16:47So I just drank and drank and drank.

00:16:49And I'm very low tolerance for alcohol.

00:16:52And it was sunny.

00:16:53And it was super hot.

00:16:54But, you know,

00:16:55I didn't want to come out like...

00:16:58You know,

00:16:59I didn't want to be like,

00:17:00Bill, Bill, Bill,

00:17:01Mr. Madison!

00:17:04You remember Foster Brooks?

00:17:05Yeah, the best.

00:17:06He was great,

00:17:07because he was on those...

00:17:09Roasts.

00:17:10Roasts.

00:17:11But Dean Martin was the host,

00:17:12a huge drama.

00:17:13Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:17:14He kept saying,

00:17:14you're stepping on me.

00:17:15Tone it down, Dean.

00:17:17Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:17:18And Dean Martin go,

00:17:18our next guest...

00:17:20One time they had Mickey Mantle.

00:17:22He goes,

00:17:22our next guest,

00:17:23Mickey Mantle.

00:17:25Wasn't always in the big leagues,

00:17:26as a matter of fact.

00:17:27And he would just, like,

00:17:29dribble off, you know.

00:17:30He'd go,

00:17:31our next guest.

00:17:32Not always in the big leagues.

00:17:34Minor...

00:17:34Ladies and gentlemen,

00:17:35umpire Foster Brooks.

00:17:37And then he'd come out

00:17:38with a thing.

00:17:38But I saw him one time,

00:17:40he completely bailed on a joke.

00:17:42He said...

00:17:42Foster Brooks?

00:17:42Oh, Dino.

00:17:43Dino.

00:17:43He said,

00:17:44our next guest...

00:17:46Sammy was the next guest.

00:17:47He goes,

00:17:47our next guest,

00:17:48I don't want to say

00:17:49he has a lot of gold,

00:17:52jewelry,

00:17:53but last time,

00:17:55Mr. Sammy Davis.

00:18:00We were speaking earlier,

00:18:02Adam,

00:18:02about your incredible

00:18:05Bill Cosby impression

00:18:06on Saturday Night Live.

00:18:08I was speaking with,

00:18:10uh...

00:18:10Who, no?

00:18:10Steve, right?

00:18:11Wasn't it you?

00:18:12Yeah, Steve,

00:18:13that was Smeichel wrote it, though.

00:18:14I can't take credit for it.

00:18:15He told me to do it like that.

00:18:16He did?

00:18:17Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:18:18Yeah.

00:18:19And you never heard from him.

00:18:20But the idea,

00:18:21what was the idea?

00:18:22It was just

00:18:23the Cos not talking,

00:18:24saying any words,

00:18:26just all rhythm and...

00:18:27Yeah, how would that go?

00:18:28Like,

00:18:28flizzle.

00:18:29What was it?

00:18:30It was a flasher.

00:18:32Something like that.

00:18:33But it was all up.

00:18:34I was doing Smiley, baby.

00:18:36I knew the Cos, though.

00:18:38I was on the Cosby show.

00:18:39Do you know that?

00:18:40I knew it.

00:18:41I had never seen it,

00:18:41but somebody told me

00:18:42that you booked it

00:18:43while you were in college.

00:18:44Is that possible?

00:18:45NYU boy.

00:18:46You were in college?

00:18:47Your brother was my teacher

00:18:47when it happened.

00:18:49And I got...

00:18:49Steve O'Donnell,

00:18:50the remarkable writer

00:18:51from Late Night

00:18:53with David Letterman.

00:18:54Genius man.

00:18:55And his brother,

00:18:56a brilliant...

00:18:57Fellow genius.

00:18:57Brilliant playwright.

00:18:59You were the only guy

00:19:00in the class

00:19:00that was of interest.

00:19:02Yes.

00:19:02He was the best of me.

00:19:03And he came and saw...

00:19:04He's not telling you this.

00:19:05He said,

00:19:06you were a little coarse.

00:19:08I was coarse.

00:19:09He gave me the same advice

00:19:10David Brenner gave me.

00:19:11Stop coarsing so much.

00:19:13Yeah, yeah.

00:19:14He said,

00:19:14I think you could say that

00:19:15a little subtler.

00:19:16A little subtler.

00:19:17So you never heard back

00:19:18from Cosby?

00:19:19I don't think so.

00:19:20I saw the Cos...

00:19:21No, the Cos was nice

00:19:22to me, honestly.

00:19:23And I played basketball

00:19:25with the Cos' son, Ennis.

00:19:26Uh-huh.

00:19:27Who, by the way,

00:19:28could slam.

00:19:29Was great.

00:19:30Really?

00:19:30Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:19:31He was a great kid.

00:19:31I thought...

00:19:32Well, he played basketball

00:19:33too, Bill Cosby.

00:19:34The Cos is an athlete.

00:19:35Big, strong.

00:19:36He can knock you out.

00:19:37Want to hear a funny one

00:19:38on the Cos?

00:19:39Yes.

00:19:40Yes.

00:19:41Yes.

00:19:42So I see the Cos,

00:19:43I was shooting Big Daddy

00:19:44with Buscemi.

00:19:45Yeah.

00:19:46We're on a street corner

00:19:47and we're on West 4th Street.

00:19:50Cos pulls up

00:19:50in a Cadillac kind of,

00:19:53he's in the front seat

00:19:54of a, like,

00:19:54I forget what it was,

00:19:55just a truck,

00:19:57a little Cadillac truck.

00:19:58He's in the front seat

00:19:58and he looks at

00:19:59the camera crew shooting.

00:20:00He has about

00:20:01a 12-inch cigar going

00:20:03and he goes...

00:20:06And he does the roll.

00:20:07And we were all like,

00:20:08yeah, the Cos is doing the roll.

00:20:09And the light was about

00:20:10a minute and a half long

00:20:12and he kept going.

00:20:14The whole time

00:20:15everybody was on the floor.

00:20:16Buscemi were all

00:20:17falling over.

00:20:18He just kept going

00:20:19and finally, like,

00:20:19boom.

00:20:24Didn't you tell me

00:20:25a story once

00:20:26about when you were

00:20:26on the set,

00:20:27Milton Berle visited the set?

00:20:29I was in a movie

00:20:30that Milton Berle was in.

00:20:31Oh, he was in a movie?

00:20:33He performed in the film?

00:20:35He was in my first movie ever.

00:20:37It was originally called

00:20:38The Unsinkable

00:20:39Shacky Moskowitz.

00:20:40He was.

00:20:41And then they called

00:20:41Babes Ahoy now.

00:20:42And he was a ghost?

00:20:44No, he just showed up.

00:20:45No, he's like,

00:20:46I'm not sure.

00:20:47I think he's a ghost.

00:20:47And he was giving me advice.

00:20:48I had to be a good comedian.

00:20:49Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:20:50And he had a huge hug.

00:20:51He also...

00:20:52What?

00:20:53Huge hug.

00:20:54He did?

00:20:54Melty.

00:20:55Everybody knew that.

00:20:55I know,

00:20:56but he showed it to you?

00:20:58It tinkered out

00:20:59and he gave it a little fall.

00:21:01It fell out.

00:21:02There's always those stories.

00:21:03Now there's lots of stories

00:21:06about the...

00:21:06It seemed almost the same story

00:21:08but a guy will have his robe on

00:21:10and Rodney.

00:21:12Did that ever happen to you

00:21:13with Rodney?

00:21:14You know Rodney?

00:21:14I think I saw Rodney, buddy.

00:21:16Testicles, yeah.

00:21:17Everybody.

00:21:17A lot of comedians.

00:21:18Yeah.

00:21:19He used to come down

00:21:20to catch a rising star

00:21:21and I didn't see him there

00:21:23but I think I saw him

00:21:24after a Vegas show.

00:21:26Spread Eagle bathroom.

00:21:28He went spread eagle

00:21:30and gave us the Rodney.

00:21:32The only guy I ever saw

00:21:33was the golfer John Daly.

00:21:35You saw him naked?

00:21:36No, not naked

00:21:37but he came back

00:21:38and I was talking to him

00:21:39and this was a couple of years

00:21:41after he won

00:21:42and you know he was...

00:21:44This was before Tiger.

00:21:45You know he was...

00:21:45Yeah, he was the big...

00:21:47The big guy.

00:21:48Great man too.

00:21:49I played with him.

00:21:49You did?

00:21:50Yeah.

00:21:50You played golf with him?

00:21:51Me and Daly.

00:21:52He taught me how to hit

00:21:53a little longer.

00:21:53Wow.

00:21:54Yeah.

00:21:55Rip it.

00:21:55What is it?

00:21:55Grip it and rip it.

00:21:56Rip it and rip it.

00:21:57Yeah.

00:21:57Yeah, he would...

00:21:58I followed him

00:21:59on the whole

00:22:00choir gnome a little bit.

00:22:02Followed him at Riviera playing

00:22:03and throw the cigarette down

00:22:05and hit it.

00:22:06Pick up the cigarette.

00:22:07Oh yeah, yeah.

00:22:07You know?

00:22:08Yeah, yeah.

00:22:08But yeah,

00:22:09he came backstage

00:22:10to the House of Blues

00:22:11where I was playing

00:22:12and he was like,

00:22:12hey Norm,

00:22:14I understand you like me

00:22:15or something like that.

00:22:16I said, oh yeah, yeah.

00:22:17The greatest.

00:22:18And he said,

00:22:18yes, yes, it's true

00:22:19and then he pulled out his car.

00:22:20I didn't know

00:22:22what he was talking about

00:22:23because it's true

00:22:24as if I knew that.

00:22:26Oh, you heard.

00:22:26And then it was

00:22:27the most insane thing

00:22:29I've ever seen.

00:22:29Oh yeah.

00:22:30It looked like it

00:22:30had its own liver.

00:22:34The...

00:22:37I'm sorry.

00:22:38The way he drinks.

00:22:40I would hope he has it.

00:22:41Did you have a question?

00:22:42I thought you had

00:22:43a question for Adam.

00:22:45Yeah, I've been dying to know.

00:22:47Where do you get

00:22:48your ideas from?

00:22:52Norm.

00:22:52Why are you going to do it?

00:22:55No, I really...

00:22:59I really do actually

00:23:01have a question though.

00:23:02You ever think about

00:23:04revisiting some of the old rules?

00:23:05You're sweating like a whore

00:23:08in church, Adam.

00:23:09They cut the budget

00:23:11on the show.

00:23:12We don't have

00:23:13air conditioning anymore.

00:23:15Ask your question.

00:23:16You think about revisiting...

00:23:17Everybody's going to be

00:23:18okay, buddy.

00:23:20He's very nervous.

00:23:21Good man.

00:23:22I've loved Adam

00:23:23for a long time.

00:23:24I'm very nervous.

00:23:25It's slowly getting...

00:23:26Rip Taylor is next.

00:23:27No!

00:23:27Yes.

00:23:28That's right.

00:23:28And then we're trying

00:23:29to get Rip Martin...

00:23:30Didn't you do Rip Taylor?

00:23:31I did not.

00:23:32Did Farley do him?

00:23:32Who did Rip Taylor

00:23:33on the show?

00:23:34Hello, operator?

00:23:37That's what you do

00:23:38when a joke doesn't work.

00:23:38Hello?

00:23:40Hello, operator?

00:23:41We've been disconnected.

00:23:42Hello?

00:23:42Anyway, he's going to be

00:23:43on the show next.

00:23:44But do your question.

00:23:45And please,

00:23:46we'll get you some makeup.

00:23:48Good Lord, God.

00:23:49Gotta get the old

00:23:50sweatband out, brother.

00:23:51But I should have

00:23:52brought the sweatband out.

00:23:53Have you ever thought

00:23:54about revisiting

00:23:55some of the old roles

00:23:55like Billy Madison

00:23:56or Happy Gilmore?

00:23:58Not really.

00:23:59Not really.

00:24:00Sure enough.

00:24:00Adam grew up

00:24:02in his movies.

00:24:03Yeah, I sure did, man.

00:24:04Yeah.

00:24:05Was that a strategy you had?

00:24:08No.

00:24:08I looked into it all.

00:24:09I kept...

00:24:11I did my Billy

00:24:12and my Happy

00:24:13and my Wedding Singer

00:24:14and then I just started

00:24:15randomly going,

00:24:16all right,

00:24:16what else we got?

00:24:17Yeah.

00:24:18I had a little strategy

00:24:19going for a while

00:24:19and then I started going,

00:24:20come on, let's go.

00:24:21Let's shoot.

00:24:22What do we got?

00:24:23You know what I'm saying?

00:24:24I remember on Growing Ups,

00:24:26Adam was going,

00:24:27okay, you stand over

00:24:28in the basketball scene.

00:24:29You stand over here.

00:24:30You stand over there.

00:24:31You get over here.

00:24:32Timmy, you come around.

00:24:33You take the ball from Rock.

00:24:35You give it to...

00:24:36Somebody yell,

00:24:37shoot!

00:24:39Somebody yell, action!

00:24:41I said,

00:24:41somebody yell, action.

00:24:43And I was like, action!

00:24:45No, no, no.

00:24:46I do get directed

00:24:47in the movie,

00:24:47but he was a good guy.

00:24:49Yes, he is.

00:24:52Norm, are you good

00:24:53showing the buttocks?

00:24:56Yeah.

00:24:56That wasn't me.

00:24:57I think that was

00:24:57my stunt double's ass.

00:24:59It was.

00:24:59I was afraid

00:25:00to go down the thing.

00:25:01Oh, that's right.

00:25:02Yes.

00:25:02I was cut from the movie,

00:25:03but my stunt double wasn't.

00:25:06Yeah, he stayed in,

00:25:07but we kept...

00:25:08He had a great...

00:25:09I realized...

00:25:09You know what I realized

00:25:10about that movie

00:25:11as I was doing it?

00:25:12Yeah.

00:25:13Because the movie

00:25:13was grown-ups.

00:25:14And I, in the movie,

00:25:16kept going, like,

00:25:16every time they were

00:25:17at a scene,

00:25:18I kept walking up

00:25:19and going,

00:25:19hey, guys,

00:25:20can I be in it?

00:25:21Oh, yeah,

00:25:21it was at the beginning

00:25:23and end of every scene.

00:25:24So I realized

00:25:25that halfway through,

00:25:26wait a minute.

00:25:27Damn, no,

00:25:27it was the best.

00:25:28You killed the hardest

00:25:29at read-through, too.

00:25:30It feels like a guy

00:25:31trying to get in a movie.

00:25:32Ah!

00:25:33It was like I had

00:25:34shown up on the set,

00:25:37but when we come back,

00:25:39we're going to have

00:25:39questions from the internet.

00:25:41Yeah, yeah.

00:25:42My Twitter followers,

00:25:43my loyal Twitter followers.

00:25:44Covert loves

00:25:45your Twitter followers.

00:25:46Yeah.

00:25:46He's always talking

00:25:47about what Norm did.

00:25:48A great Covert.

00:25:49I'd like to ask you

00:25:50a question about,

00:25:52maybe we'll do it right now,

00:25:54about your strategy

00:25:55of using your friends,

00:25:58not only your actor friends,

00:25:59but your friends

00:26:00that aren't actors,

00:26:02in your films.

00:26:03Yeah, my films.

00:26:04Your motion pictures.

00:26:05Yeah.

00:26:05And how that came about.

00:26:07Is that to make you comfortable?

00:26:09You know what's funny?

00:26:10Billy Madison,

00:26:11we wrote it for you

00:26:12and Covert.

00:26:14Can I tell this story?

00:26:15Yeah, I don't care.

00:26:16And then it was you

00:26:17and Covert,

00:26:17we're going to be best friends,

00:26:19and he came in,

00:26:21and then I had no juice

00:26:22back in the day.

00:26:23Yeah.

00:26:23We showed,

00:26:24when I showed him

00:26:25I wanted Covert and Norm,

00:26:26and they were like,

00:26:27yeah, we love that Norm guy.

00:26:29And who's the other one

00:26:29you said?

00:26:30They're like,

00:26:30my buddy Covert,

00:26:31he's really funny.

00:26:31And then they made him audition,

00:26:34and then they said

00:26:34he had dead eyes.

00:26:38Right?

00:26:39And I was like,

00:26:39no, he doesn't.

00:26:40He's great.

00:26:40They're like,

00:26:41nah, we want a fat guy.

00:26:42Remember,

00:26:43the guy kept saying,

00:26:44we need a fat guy.

00:26:45He's not fat enough.

00:26:46I was like,

00:26:46let him eat.

00:26:49That was it.

00:26:50Dead Eye Covert.

00:26:51I wonder how he got

00:26:52his nickname.

00:26:55Dead Eyes,

00:26:55that's not a good.

00:26:56He does the same thing

00:26:57Daily does.

00:26:58He always goes,

00:26:58you know what they say.

00:26:59And I was like,

00:27:00what?

00:27:00He's like,

00:27:03that's an odd note though,

00:27:05Alan.

00:27:05Yeah.

00:27:06Did it make you feel so good?

00:27:07Tell him who said it to you.

00:27:09Who said it?

00:27:10Sandy came back with,

00:27:11it's true.

00:27:11He's got Dead Eye.

00:27:12True, he does.

00:27:14He does.

00:27:14There's no life there.

00:27:16It's a bore.

00:27:18I have never noticed that,

00:27:20but it's been awesome.

00:27:21Belsman was great though.

00:27:22We got to be friends with Belsman.

00:27:23Yeah,

00:27:23Belsman was awesome.

00:27:24And,

00:27:25but,

00:27:25but using your,

00:27:26your actual civilian friends,

00:27:28Alan's a comedian.

00:27:29Yeah,

00:27:29yeah,

00:27:30Oh,

00:27:30okay.

00:27:30Yeah,

00:27:30yeah.

00:27:31But Dante and,

00:27:32but Dante,

00:27:34he came out here to be an actor.

00:27:35did he?

00:27:36All these guys wanted to be an actor.

00:27:37Oh,

00:27:37of course anybody.

00:27:38Only,

00:27:38only one,

00:27:40on occasion.

00:27:41That's the hammer.

00:27:42That's the hammer.

00:27:42She wants to be an actress.

00:27:44She does?

00:27:44I do stuff some family members in there,

00:27:46and they,

00:27:47they hit the floor usually.

00:27:48Yeah,

00:27:48They don't make the final cut.

00:27:49What about your mom?

00:27:50She is so funny in real life,

00:27:52and then when it's,

00:27:53they call action,

00:27:54it goes terrible.

00:27:55It was terrible.

00:27:56I was yelling at my mother in blended.

00:27:57We did blended.

00:27:58She does a scene with my daughter.

00:28:01Yeah.

00:28:01All she had to do,

00:28:02it was a little league,

00:28:03like she,

00:28:04my little daughter says,

00:28:06now batting number six.

00:28:06Sadie.

00:28:07Sadie,

00:28:07exactly.

00:28:08She says,

00:28:08now batting number six,

00:28:10blah, blah, blah, blah,

00:28:10and my mother says,

00:28:11oh,

00:28:11he's good,

00:28:12or whatever like that.

00:28:13My mother was so bad,

00:28:14and I wanted her to be in the movie,

00:28:16so I kept going,

00:28:17Ma,

00:28:17let's go.

00:28:18Boy,

00:28:19you know,

00:28:19you gotta like pretend it's real.

00:28:20I'm yelling.

00:28:21That's not good.

00:28:21And the other crew members are like,

00:28:23my God,

00:28:23he's nasty to his mother,

00:28:24but I was screaming,

00:28:25because I was like,

00:28:26I'm gonna have to cut you out again,

00:28:27Ma.

00:28:28Ma,

00:28:29don't say that.

00:28:30Don't yell at me.

00:28:34But could your mother

00:28:35actually hurt the money

00:28:38at the box office?

00:28:39No,

00:28:39yeah,

00:28:40that's true.

00:28:40I could,

00:28:41I'm trying to protect her

00:28:43with her friends

00:28:43at the,

00:28:45you know,

00:28:45the big temple meetings.

00:28:47Yeah,

00:28:48you were horrible.

00:28:50Scorsese's mom was in the movie,

00:28:51but she wasn't.

00:28:51She saw it,

00:28:52but she seemed real,

00:28:53though.

00:28:53She did seem a little real,

00:28:54but she would look at the camera

00:28:55a couple of times.

00:28:56Oh,

00:28:56did she do?

00:28:56Yeah,

00:28:56yeah.

00:28:57That's funny.

00:28:57Or not.

00:28:58Good fellas.

00:29:00Scorsese's mother

00:29:01was in Goodfellas.

00:29:02Good God.

00:29:03I didn't know.

00:29:04I'm not a,

00:29:04I'm not a cinephile.

00:29:07I've been accused of it

00:29:08and I've gone to arbitration

00:29:11and paid large settlement,

00:29:12but it turns out

00:29:14I am not a cinephile.

00:29:14You'd be a gentle one

00:29:15if you were.

00:29:16Yeah,

00:29:16that's right.

00:29:18Narny boy.

00:29:19I,

00:29:20what?

00:29:20We do have to take a break.

00:29:21We have to take a break.

00:29:22Coming up,

00:29:23questions

00:29:24from the Twitterverse.

00:29:31We are back.

00:29:33We had to do it.

00:29:35We couldn't,

00:29:36we had a lot left to go,

00:29:37right?

00:29:38A lot of neat things.

00:29:40Questions

00:29:41for Adam Sandler,

00:29:42who is in the new film

00:29:43Blended,

00:29:44co-starring your old friend

00:29:45Drew Barrymore.

00:29:46You know Drew?

00:29:47Oh,

00:29:47I love Drew.

00:29:48Remember,

00:29:48were you there

00:29:49at that crazy party

00:29:50I had?

00:29:51I was.

00:29:5120 years,

00:29:51yeah,

00:29:52that was a good one.

00:29:53Yeah,

00:29:53yeah.

00:29:53Drew was there.

00:29:54Farley was there.

00:29:56They got,

00:29:56remember how it ended?

00:29:58No.

00:29:58I remember craziness.

00:30:00It wasn't,

00:30:01it was a good one.

00:30:01I think they get crazier now,

00:30:03though.

00:30:03Yeah,

00:30:03I'm thinking of one thing,

00:30:04but you should probably

00:30:05tell your thing,

00:30:06because my thing might be

00:30:08unsayable.

00:30:09But no,

00:30:09go,

00:30:09how did it end?

00:30:11Damon Wayans

00:30:14flushed the toilet

00:30:14and it broke

00:30:15and the whole house

00:30:17was covered in pieces.

00:30:19Right?

00:30:20And then we all had to

00:30:21pull the plug

00:30:21at five in the morning.

00:30:23But what was yours?

00:30:24I know,

00:30:24that was it.

00:30:24That was it,

00:30:25but I didn't know

00:30:26if it was the same.

00:30:27It was the same?

00:30:28Yeah.

00:30:28Oh,

00:30:28okay,

00:30:28But I didn't know,

00:30:29I never know

00:30:30what a guy wants to say.

00:30:32Yeah,

00:30:32maybe,

00:30:33feces ain't that bad.

00:30:34I was definitely nervous.

00:30:35There's so many things

00:30:36you could have said,

00:30:36I was like,

00:30:36uh-oh.

00:30:38But no,

00:30:39Drew was,

00:30:39I have my theory

00:30:40on why you and Drew

00:30:41are so great together.

00:30:43What is it?

00:30:43Rom-coms.

00:30:46What is it?

00:30:47That you are both

00:30:49children.

00:30:50Yeah.

00:30:51That you are both

00:30:53ageless,

00:30:54and so you seem

00:30:54like a little boy

00:30:55and she seems

00:30:56like a little girl.

00:30:57I mean,

00:30:57I'm pushing it.

00:30:58I'm pushing it.

00:30:59And it's wonderful.

00:30:59No,

00:31:00no.

00:31:00She's definitely cute still.

00:31:01Yeah,

00:31:02I saw what was happening

00:31:03though today.

00:31:04I actually,

00:31:04this weekend,

00:31:05I went to Disneyland

00:31:06with the kids.

00:31:07Yeah,

00:31:07Talking for the birthday

00:31:08and I was in this

00:31:09nice room

00:31:10and I looked

00:31:12in the mirror.

00:31:12I had the shirt off

00:31:13and the face out

00:31:14and it wasn't

00:31:15the cute young

00:31:17Adam Sandler

00:31:17I once knew.

00:31:18I was like,

00:31:19whoa,

00:31:20Sandman taking it

00:31:21on the chin

00:31:22a little bit

00:31:22in that shot.

00:31:23Now you think

00:31:24it looks cute?

00:31:25Yeah,

00:31:25right now.

00:31:25Adam,

00:31:26you think I'm alright?

00:31:27Of course.

00:31:28You said I was

00:31:28half Dean,

00:31:29half Jerry.

00:31:30That's right.

00:31:30I did say that.

00:31:31That's right.

00:31:32Gosh,

00:31:33how do you remember that?

00:31:34Because they wrote

00:31:34some article on me

00:31:35one time

00:31:35when I was doing well

00:31:36and then they said

00:31:37Adam's friend

00:31:38Norm Macdonald

00:31:38says he's half.

00:31:39Half Dean Martin

00:31:40and half Jerry Lewis.

00:31:41I loved it.

00:31:42I could see that.

00:31:42I took it.

00:31:43I ran with it.

00:31:46Questions from the internet.

00:31:48As a kid,

00:31:49what TV shows

00:31:50were you craving?

00:31:52Any favorite cartoon?

00:31:54This comes from

00:31:58Ninja Ben 55.

00:32:01Any favorite

00:32:02Well,

00:32:03I have to say it

00:32:03because they're

00:32:04from the internet.

00:32:05Any favorite

00:32:05cartoon characters?

00:32:07When I was a kid?

00:32:08Yes.

00:32:09Because you remind me

00:32:10of a cartoon character.

00:32:12Was it this guy?

00:32:12Should I say it?

00:32:13Yeah.

00:32:14Deputy Dog?

00:32:15Bugs Bunny.

00:32:16Yeah,

00:32:16maybe.

00:32:17A little bit.

00:32:17Who was my favorite?

00:32:18I thought he was

00:32:19the funniest person ever.

00:32:20You love all those guys.

00:32:21You know that word.

00:32:22I know all the Looney Tons.

00:32:24Yeah.

00:32:24But,

00:32:25so you didn't watch

00:32:26cartoons.

00:32:26I loved the cartoons.

00:32:27No,

00:32:27I loved them.

00:32:28Deputy Dog was your favorite.

00:32:29Deputy Dog was up there.

00:32:30I liked Scooby,

00:32:31of course.

00:32:32I love Bugs.

00:32:33Top Hat?

00:32:34Top Cat,

00:32:35yeah.

00:32:35TC?

00:32:36TC,

00:32:36yeah.

00:32:36I can do,

00:32:37uh,

00:32:39TTC.

00:32:42But what are we

00:32:42going to do?

00:32:43And,

00:32:44uh,

00:32:45Officer Dibble

00:32:45was cool.

00:32:46And then I liked,

00:32:47uh,

00:32:47I used to love

00:32:48Tennessee Tuxedo.

00:32:49Oh my God.

00:32:50And he has Shane Whoopie.

00:32:51I never could do them

00:32:53perfectly.

00:32:53Spade's good at dance.

00:32:54So definitely

00:32:54Hanna-Barbera.

00:32:56Oh yeah,

00:32:56those were the best.

00:32:56I can do Scooby's Laugh

00:32:57pretty good.

00:32:58Oh.

00:32:58You guys want to hear it?

00:32:59Sure,

00:32:59absolutely.

00:33:00Oh yeah.

00:33:01Pretty good.

00:33:03It's pretty damn good.

00:33:04Thanks a lot.

00:33:04I like,

00:33:05uh,

00:33:05Snagglepuss.

00:33:06Snagglepuss is good.

00:33:07Yeah,

00:33:07yeah.

00:33:08I like the-

00:33:08Stage variety of them.

00:33:09Yeah,

00:33:10yeah.

00:33:12Heaven's to Murgatron.

00:33:14Yeah,

00:33:14he's a little,

00:33:15uh,

00:33:15Adam Egan gets involved.

00:33:20Way to go,

00:33:21baby.

00:33:22Ah.

00:33:23It's the post.

00:33:24From Sammy Sam 145.

00:33:26I did not read these

00:33:27before.

00:33:28That's why I stumble

00:33:28over them sometimes.

00:33:30You've said in interviews

00:33:30that you got fired

00:33:31from Saturday Night Live.

00:33:32What,

00:33:33oh I see.

00:33:33What kind of complete idiot

00:33:35gets himself fired

00:33:36from that show?

00:33:38It's a big joke.

00:33:40You got fired.

00:33:41They were being funny

00:33:42in the question,

00:33:43so then there's no answer.

00:33:44Did it hurt your feelings

00:33:44when you got fired?

00:33:46No,

00:33:47because I've been fired

00:33:47from every job

00:33:48I've ever had.

00:33:49Were you fired

00:33:50from Roseanne?

00:33:51No,

00:33:52that was the only,

00:33:53because I,

00:33:53she let me go

00:33:54for it to do this show.

00:33:56Ah.

00:33:56But she's fantastic,

00:33:58my goodness gracious.

00:33:59Oh man.

00:34:00What a tremendous,

00:34:01like funny person.

00:34:02she merged.

00:34:03When she hosted,

00:34:04she murdered.

00:34:05Oh,

00:34:05she murdered.

00:34:06She killed a bunch of

00:34:07solid,

00:34:08easy up there.

00:34:09You know what,

00:34:10a lot of people

00:34:12who are good on their TV shows

00:34:13come on SNL

00:34:14and crush the hardest.

00:34:15Yeah.

00:34:15You know,

00:34:16they just,

00:34:16they know TV.

00:34:17TV doesn't scare them.

00:34:18Yeah.

00:34:19They boom,

00:34:19they know,

00:34:20they memorize their lines

00:34:21by the end of the week.

00:34:22Yeah,

00:34:22she was a toughie.

00:34:24Roseanne,

00:34:25you know,

00:34:25I was talking to,

00:34:26what's his name,

00:34:27Chappelle,

00:34:28who I love.

00:34:29Uh-huh.

00:34:29And he said,

00:34:31his career got killed

00:34:33by the term crazy.

00:34:35They started calling him crazy

00:34:36and he said,

00:34:37it's very dismissive,

00:34:39you know,

00:34:39and it doesn't mean anything really.

00:34:41Uh-huh.

00:34:41Or difficult or crazy.

00:34:43yeah,

00:34:43that makes sense.

00:34:44And it sticks with you

00:34:45and then,

00:34:45so somebody's gonna hire you

00:34:47and somebody goes,

00:34:47well,

00:34:47he's crazy.

00:34:48Oh,

00:34:48right,

00:34:49right,

00:34:49yeah.

00:34:49And Roseanne's probably

00:34:51an example of that.

00:34:52Here's Roseanne,

00:34:53not working.

00:34:54Tom Arnold works every,

00:34:56uh-huh,

00:34:56uh-huh.

00:34:57One time,

00:34:58one time I had a TV program

00:35:00and so they had the boss,

00:35:02we had to get the boss.

00:35:03So people came in

00:35:03to read for the boss

00:35:04and one of them was Tom Arnold.

00:35:06So I guess you're supposed

00:35:07to go through your agent

00:35:07but Tom phones me

00:35:08the next day.

00:35:09He's like,

00:35:10hey,

00:35:10buddy,

00:35:10how about that boss job?

00:35:12I'm like,

00:35:12I don't know how it works.

00:35:14I'm trying to distance myself.

00:35:16I'm like,

00:35:16I don't know how it works,

00:35:17Tom,

00:35:17I have no idea.

00:35:18It's out of my hands.

00:35:19He goes,

00:35:19I'll take half.

00:35:23He goes,

00:35:23tell him I'll take half.

00:35:25So that's a pretty good strategy,

00:35:26I guess.

00:35:27Who got it?

00:35:28Max Wright from ALF.

00:35:30Ah, yeah, yeah.

00:35:31The Danny.

00:35:31Did you ever watch ALF?

00:35:32Sure.

00:35:33He played the dad.

00:35:34Oh, yeah.

00:35:34What was his name?

00:35:35Tat Danny.

00:35:36No, not Danny.

00:35:37Willie.

00:35:38Willie.

00:35:39No,

00:35:39he looks kind of like

00:35:40Joe Lieberman,

00:35:41you know.

00:35:42Yeah.

00:35:44Very funny guy.

00:35:45Oh, here's a,

00:35:46I'm going to read ahead here.

00:35:50Look, my hands are shaking like,

00:35:53I don't want to say like who

00:35:54because I'll get in trouble.

00:35:55But, um,

00:35:57oh, this is an interesting,

00:35:58this is kind of,

00:35:59in what ways was the trivia delinquent

00:36:02inspired by Arthur Fonzarelli?

00:36:04Oh, 100%.

00:36:05Was it?

00:36:06Sure.

00:36:07Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:36:07Leather jacket.

00:36:08I mean, they let me,

00:36:09that was the thing I did on MTV.

00:36:10I wore a leather jacket.

00:36:11It had a tattoo on my neck.

00:36:13No, it was hilarious.

00:36:14It was good.

00:36:14Quinn got me all that stuff.

00:36:16Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:36:17And Quinn was the only reason

00:36:19I got on MTV when,

00:36:21because he was a powerhouse

00:36:23in MTV.

00:36:23Oh, my God.

00:36:24And, uh,

00:36:24Remote Control was his show

00:36:26and he,

00:36:27when I first started stand-up,

00:36:29he was,

00:36:29the guy who used to bring me,

00:36:30bring me out there

00:36:31and he said,

00:36:32I'm telling you,

00:36:33this Adam kid's funny

00:36:34and I don't think they like me

00:36:35that much.

00:36:35But he,

00:36:36he forced me on them.

00:36:37Yeah.

00:36:38Quinn was the king then.

00:36:39Still is, really.

00:36:40Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:36:40He's pretty good on the Twitter too, eh?

00:36:42Yeah, he's hilarious on Twitter.

00:36:44But Quinn and, uh, Attal

00:36:46still kind of rule

00:36:47the New York scene.

00:36:48Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:36:48You know,

00:36:49there's the young people,

00:36:50but, uh,

00:36:51Sure.

00:36:51There's the,

00:36:51there's the ladies.

00:36:52Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:36:53They're ruling too.

00:36:54And they got the,

00:36:55they have a big advantage

00:36:57because they're both comedians

00:36:58and they're ladies.

00:37:00Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:37:01Funny ladies.

00:37:02So,

00:37:04so they get,

00:37:05so then people go,

00:37:06well, who do you want?

00:37:07Well, there's that one,

00:37:08uh, comedian.

00:37:09She's a comedian

00:37:10and she's also a lady.

00:37:12Yeah.

00:37:12And then it gets to it.

00:37:13It's more common now.

00:37:14Huh?

00:37:15A lot more.

00:37:15Oh, it's common now.

00:37:17SNL is very.

00:37:17They rule.

00:37:18They rule the SNL.

00:37:19Look, who is bigger

00:37:20than Tina Fey?

00:37:22She's strong.

00:37:23Too big to fail.

00:37:27Here's a question.

00:37:28You cast a bunch

00:37:28of professional wrestlers

00:37:29in your remake

00:37:30of The Longest Yard.

00:37:31Are they better actors

00:37:32than Norm Macdonald?

00:37:35That's probably

00:37:36pretty close, huh?

00:37:37Similar, similar.

00:37:38You always had that thing.

00:37:40Remember I used to tell you

00:37:41you're kind of doing

00:37:42a Georgie Animal Steel?

00:37:46I always thought

00:37:47it was more like

00:37:48Dick the Bruiser.

00:37:50You told me

00:37:50when I first met you

00:37:51I want to be

00:37:52the Freddie Blassie of Conrad.

00:37:54When I was a kid,

00:37:55my guy was a guy

00:37:57named Edward Carpantier.

00:37:59Was he French-Canadian?

00:38:00He was French-Canadian.

00:38:01He was the good guy

00:38:02and the bad guy

00:38:03was Mad Dog Vachon.

00:38:04So one time,

00:38:06we saw,

00:38:06the greatest thing

00:38:07I ever saw,

00:38:08was,

00:38:08here was Carpantier's

00:38:10big move

00:38:10because it was

00:38:11much less athletic

00:38:11back then.

00:38:12He would get up

00:38:13on the rope,

00:38:14do a backwards flip

00:38:15onto the thing,

00:38:16then do a backwards

00:38:17somersault,

00:38:18and then punch

00:38:18the guy in the face.

00:38:21But the guy

00:38:22was so impressed

00:38:23by the athleticism

00:38:24of what he'd just seen.

00:38:25All right,

00:38:26overwhelmed by the...

00:38:27That's great.

00:38:28But one time,

00:38:28the greatest thing

00:38:29I ever saw

00:38:29was in the Verdun Arena

00:38:30in the middle

00:38:31of the ice

00:38:32they had set up

00:38:33because they had

00:38:34an ice hockey game

00:38:36that night.

00:38:37Canadians don't say

00:38:38ice hockey,

00:38:38but...

00:38:39So Carpantier

00:38:41threw Vachon

00:38:42over the...

00:38:44Onto the ice.

00:38:45Vachon hit his

00:38:46keister onto the ice

00:38:48and down he slid.

00:38:50Oh,

00:38:51the wrestling,

00:38:51they brought it onto...

00:38:52They brought it

00:38:53onto the middle

00:38:53of the ice.

00:38:53That's incredible, dude.

00:38:54He slid down the ice

00:38:55and into the goal.

00:38:57The goal light

00:38:59went on

00:38:59and then you looked up

00:39:01and there was Carpantier.

00:39:02He had hit the goal.

00:39:03Oh, man.

00:39:04That was some moment.

00:39:05The place went bananas.

00:39:06Holy crow.

00:39:06Hey, I saw

00:39:07Fuji and Tanaka

00:39:09at our...

00:39:10in Manchester,

00:39:11New Hampshire.

00:39:12They were at a school.

00:39:13Violent.

00:39:13Those two

00:39:14was Fuji and Tanaka

00:39:15against Andre the Giant.

00:39:16Oh, wow.

00:39:17I was at that.

00:39:18Wow.

00:39:18And Andre the Giant

00:39:19went bananas on him.

00:39:20Yeah.

00:39:21And he locked old Tanaka.

00:39:23Yeah.

00:39:23He put him on

00:39:25the turnbuckle,

00:39:26the highest one,

00:39:27took the middle rope

00:39:28over his leg

00:39:30so he was kind of like

00:39:31stuck in there

00:39:32and Tanaka started

00:39:33crying like a baby.

00:39:36Pretty good.

00:39:37He was a big man.

00:39:38He couldn't fall down.

00:39:39Andre?

00:39:40No, because he wouldn't

00:39:41be able to get up.

00:39:42Yeah, that would be tough.

00:39:43And then they had...

00:39:44He couldn't be beat,

00:39:45you know?

00:39:46Yeah, you can't take...

00:39:46Kind of do that slapping.

00:39:47And that's where

00:39:48they came up with

00:39:49the only thing

00:39:50that frightened him.

00:39:53No man frightened

00:39:54the Giant.

00:39:55A snake.

00:39:56Oh, and I brought one in.

00:39:57Yeah, Jake the Snake Roberts.

00:39:59Oh, that's a beat'em?

00:40:00Yep.

00:40:00Whoa.

00:40:01I forgot.

00:40:02I didn't know that.

00:40:02Yeah, yeah.

00:40:03Pretty cool, dude.

00:40:04Not afraid of it.

00:40:05Would you ever go on a tour

00:40:06as Betty Boop 88?

00:40:08That's a good idea.

00:40:09Yeah?

00:40:10I don't know.

00:40:10Get a bus and...

00:40:11I would do it

00:40:12if I, down the line,

00:40:13I gotta write an act.

00:40:15You were a hell of a stand-up.

00:40:16I opened for you,

00:40:16I don't know if you remember,

00:40:19I guess,

00:40:19probably one of your last

00:40:22tours of stand-up.

00:40:23Uh-huh.

00:40:23When you were at SNL.

00:40:24Yeah, yeah.

00:40:25We went somewhere.

00:40:26In Boston?

00:40:27And I just remember

00:40:27the Bruce Springsteen

00:40:30forgetting his lines.

00:40:31Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:40:33Yeah.

00:40:33You know, we,

00:40:34that was the greatest.

00:40:34Remember we all used

00:40:35to go on tour together?

00:40:36Yeah, it was so much fun,

00:40:37by golly.

00:40:38I gotta get an act again.

00:40:39You still doing it?

00:40:40Yes, yes, yes.

00:40:41Oh, you're doing...

00:40:42I have too much material.

00:40:44Oh, yeah, I bet.

00:40:45You don't want to get off.

00:40:46I start down

00:40:47just talking to the audience.

00:40:48Oh, yeah, that's cool.

00:40:49Talking to the crowd,

00:40:50and then whatever they bring up...

00:40:52You do jokes on them?

00:40:53I pretty well have a joke

00:40:54on every...

00:40:54That's pretty great.

00:40:55...on every subject.

00:40:56Here's a question.

00:40:57Go, baby.

00:40:57This is an interesting question,

00:40:59because, you know,

00:41:01this is for a regular person,

00:41:03this would be something,

00:41:04but for a person

00:41:05with as much fame

00:41:06as you've accrued,

00:41:07this is interesting.

00:41:08Seriously.

00:41:08Who is the most famous person

00:41:09you have ever met?

00:41:11Whoa.

00:41:12McCartney.

00:41:13Oh, wow.

00:41:14You too, I'm sure.

00:41:15I wasn't there.

00:41:16You didn't get to be there.

00:41:16I mean, I remember that story

00:41:17about Frank and...

00:41:19Oh, that's George Harrison.

00:41:20Oh, is that George Harrison?

00:41:21Oh, yeah.

00:41:21And how'd that story go?

00:41:24I think George was up

00:41:26visiting the writing room,

00:41:28and he started tinkering

00:41:29down the piano,

00:41:29and as a joke,

00:41:31Frank and slammed down

00:41:32the keys on it,

00:41:34almost hit his finger,

00:41:34and just said,

00:41:35we're writing in here.

00:41:36We're writing.

00:41:36As a joke.

00:41:37As a joke.

00:41:38As a joke.

00:41:38Oh, we got better things to do.

00:41:41But then it kind of ruined

00:41:42the whole...

00:41:42I think it...

00:41:44Yeah, right.

00:41:44Exactly.

00:41:45Everyone was upset

00:41:46they didn't get

00:41:47to hear the jam session.

00:41:48Instead of the jam session,

00:41:49they aired a Frank and joke.

00:41:53Senator Al Franken.

00:41:55Did you ever have a bit

00:41:58that didn't make it to air

00:41:59that you were always like,

00:42:00God, I wish that one made it?

00:42:03Probably, yeah.

00:42:04Yeah, I had a few

00:42:05that I forced...

00:42:06Tried to force...

00:42:07Downey eventually

00:42:08would get my stuff on.

00:42:10If I told Downey,

00:42:11if I begged him,

00:42:12I'd say,

00:42:12you gotta let me try

00:42:13that one thing.

00:42:14And it would take

00:42:15a few tries

00:42:16and then I'd get...

00:42:17I don't remember

00:42:17any particular, but...

00:42:18Sax Jocky...

00:42:20Sax Jocky 657.

00:42:23Sax Jocky 657.

00:42:26Gotcha.

00:42:26Not to be confused.

00:42:30You had to turn down

00:42:32Inglourious Bastards

00:42:33due to a scheduling conflict.

00:42:34Is that true?

00:42:35I was a...

00:42:37I know Tarantino

00:42:39and he would tell me

00:42:40for years he was writing

00:42:41that movie

00:42:41and he had a part for me.

00:42:42But at that time

00:42:43they were shooting,

00:42:45I shot Funny People

00:42:46with Epitaph.

00:42:47So I had to stay around.

00:42:50Another interesting

00:42:52confluence of events

00:42:53happened recently.

00:42:54What happened?

00:42:55With the Tarantino movie,

00:42:57he had this movie

00:42:57that was...

00:42:58Magnificent Eight?

00:42:59The Amazing Eight

00:43:00or something like that

00:43:01based on The Magnificent Seven.

00:43:02Pardon me?

00:43:03The Hateful Eight.

00:43:05The Hateful Eight

00:43:06was a parody

00:43:08or all his movies

00:43:10are sort of comedies,

00:43:10I think.

00:43:11Yeah, I agree.

00:43:13And at the same time

00:43:15you were planning

00:43:15The Ridiculous Six.

00:43:16Still going, buddy.

00:43:17And it's still going.

00:43:18And you're in it.

00:43:19And I'm in it.

00:43:21Who do I play?

00:43:22You'll see.

00:43:23You wear a cowboy hat, though.

00:43:25I can do...

00:43:26You always like Slim Pig.

00:43:27I can do Slim Piggins.

00:43:28I feel like The Ridiculous Six

00:43:29are doing what they're doing

00:43:30and you just keep going,

00:43:31what are you guys doing?

00:43:32Yeah, I'd like to do that.

00:43:33He buttons everything.

00:43:35Yeah, maybe that.

00:43:36Was it wide enough to cut out?

00:43:38Yeah.

00:43:38The Ministry calls him

00:43:39the human button.

00:43:40I think that would be

00:43:41better with Seven.

00:43:43I think it'd be better

00:43:45with Seven.

00:43:46That's Andy Devine.

00:43:48All right.

00:43:51Oh, this is...

00:43:52I'm not sure...

00:43:53Oh, yes,

00:43:54I do know this game.

00:43:55What?

00:43:56Gelatinous Three says...

00:43:58There's a game called

00:43:59Fuck, Marry, Kill.

00:44:00I don't know what...

00:44:01Oh, who would I rather fuck?

00:44:02Who would you...

00:44:03Yeah, who would you choose

00:44:04to fuck?

00:44:04Who would you choose

00:44:05to marry?

00:44:06And who would you choose

00:44:06to kill?

00:44:07Rob Schneider,

00:44:08David Spade,

00:44:08Norm MacDonald.

00:44:11You want to kill Spade.

00:44:13Kill Spade.

00:44:14That's...

00:44:14So simple.

00:44:15So now...

00:44:17No fighting back.

00:44:18God damn it.

00:44:18Now it's down to Schneider

00:44:20and me

00:44:20for Fuck or Marry.

00:44:22I know which one I want.

00:44:27We'll take it.

00:44:29I'll marry you.

00:44:32And I'll go hairless

00:44:34on the fucking.

00:44:39Have you seen Rob lately?

00:44:41I saw him a couple months ago.

00:44:42Yes, I hung out with him.

00:44:43He's doing good.

00:44:44He's happy.

00:44:44He's doing stand-up all the time.

00:44:46He looks strong.

00:44:46He does stand-up.

00:44:47And he has...

00:44:48He phoned me and he goes,

00:44:50I'll get you a Gulfstream jet

00:44:52fly you to Miami.

00:44:53I have a TV show.

00:44:55And you'll be on it

00:44:57and then later

00:44:58you'll have your own TV show.

00:44:59And I was like,

00:45:00yeah, I'll do anything.

00:45:03And then three weeks went by

00:45:05and I haven't heard from him.

00:45:07But he's a boy.

00:45:09What do you call him?

00:45:10A scrambler.

00:45:11Oh, he's funny.

00:45:12Oh, he's hilarious.

00:45:13He's pure crazy and funny.

00:45:15And he has a hard-working boy.

00:45:16I see him in the script

00:45:20of the Ridiculous Six,

00:45:22which I have read.

00:45:23Yeah, you're in it.

00:45:25And I see who's who.

00:45:28I can see it.

00:45:29Yeah, Schneider's in it.

00:45:30And Schneider's hilarious.

00:45:31Schneider's going to kill it.

00:45:32Schneider was going to kill it.

00:45:34He's very happy now

00:45:34with his little baby

00:45:35and his good-looking nice wife.

00:45:38She's nice.

00:45:40Oh, yeah, you know him

00:45:41from the comic store?

00:45:43The Tempe Improv?

00:45:44Yeah.

00:45:44The Improv, yeah.

00:45:45He used to...

00:45:46This was probably...

00:45:47Did you ever do the Tempe Improv?

00:45:48Or was that after you?

00:45:49I did it...

00:45:50I did it...

00:45:51That was a great one.

00:45:53No, I did it, like,

00:45:5420 years ago.

00:45:55I saw it, 15 years ago.

00:45:56Now, I thought you had a story...

00:45:58I did have an actual question, though,

00:46:00before we go to break, but, yeah.

00:46:02He seems prepared for his next one.

00:46:03No, go to it.

00:46:03Go to it.

00:46:03All right, go ahead.

00:46:04Do you have a...

00:46:04Go to it.

00:46:05Go to it.

00:46:05Well, my favorite song

00:46:07was at a medium pace.

00:46:09Oh, yeah.

00:46:10And I thought it was kind of

00:46:10in the vein of, like,

00:46:12Nazareth's cover of Love Hurts.

00:46:14Yeah, yeah.

00:46:14And then you tackled reggae

00:46:15with Piece of Shakar

00:46:16and Techno with Secret.

00:46:18Are there any other genres

00:46:19that you haven't done

00:46:19that you...

00:46:20I don't know.

00:46:21No, I always believed that.

00:46:22I would like to do them all.

00:46:23I don't think...

00:46:23Well, you haven't done country.

00:46:25I did one.

00:46:26I did this thing

00:46:27called Zitli Van Zittles.

00:46:28Oh, that's right.

00:46:29It was about a guy

00:46:29who had a pimple

00:46:30in the middle of his back.

00:46:31It was country.

00:46:32It didn't go anywhere.

00:46:33It's on one of them.

00:46:34What's it on?

00:46:35One of them.

00:46:36What's your name?

00:46:37What's your name?

00:46:38Really?

00:46:38Yeah, I did one album

00:46:39all songs

00:46:40and that was one.

00:46:41Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:46:41Yeah, yeah.

00:46:41That'd be good.

00:46:42How's your album doing?

00:46:43How's Brooke's?

00:46:45We're going to release it

00:46:46in four months.

00:46:48Normally, he had that album

00:46:49cooking for about seven years.

00:46:51Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:46:52Ridiculous?

00:46:52Longer than Thriller took.

00:46:55But the problem is

00:46:57you're more common

00:46:57with yourself.

00:46:58Every time I'd go in,

00:46:59I'd think,

00:46:59oh, there's a way to change it.

00:47:00Every time I'd listen,

00:47:01I'd go,

00:47:01I can change this.

00:47:02I can make it better.

00:47:03I can change it.

00:47:04I can change it.

00:47:05And then, yeah,

00:47:06and apparently

00:47:07so much money

00:47:08went into sushi.

00:47:11I didn't realize

00:47:12it was coming out

00:47:13of the budget of the album.

00:47:14They don't tell you that.

00:47:15And you're like,

00:47:15man, they give you free sushi.

00:47:17And you're like,

00:47:17I got to pay for that.

00:47:18I know.

00:47:19It's so funny.

00:47:20You know what happened

00:47:21one time?

00:47:21Did you ever make any money

00:47:22from your album?

00:47:24Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:47:25Eventually.

00:47:25But when we were making them,

00:47:27I remember I had loads of friends

00:47:28that would come by and visit, right?

00:47:31And I'd say,

00:47:32let's take a break.

00:47:33Brooks, come on,

00:47:34let's take them out to dinner.

00:47:35And then we'd go out to dinner

00:47:36and he'd go,

00:47:37the label has it, man.

00:47:38The label.

00:47:39And then we'd go to the Palm.

00:47:40There'd be like 20 of us

00:47:41chowing down at the Palm.

00:47:42I was like,

00:47:43and they were like,

00:47:43Sandman.

00:47:44I was like,

00:47:44hey, baby, the label.

00:47:45And then at the end,

00:47:46I'd see my budget blown up.

00:47:48I'd be like,

00:47:48what happened?

00:47:49They'd be like,

00:47:49well, the Palm piece.

00:47:50And I'd be like,

00:47:51I paid for that?

00:47:53And Brooks,

00:47:54and then meanwhile,

00:47:54Brooks was saying,

00:47:55you're welcome to everybody.

00:47:56They'd go,

00:47:56hey, thanks.

00:47:57He'd be like,

00:47:57not a problem.

00:48:04You're the label.

00:48:06Exactly.

00:48:07Yeah.

00:48:07You seem to be a guy

00:48:08that would be big internationally.

00:48:11I do all right over there.

00:48:12You do look good.

00:48:13Some places,

00:48:13pretty good.

00:48:14Yeah.

00:48:15Yeah.

00:48:15Brazil.

00:48:16Yeah.

00:48:16Sandman's happening in Brazil.

00:48:20You wish you were doing good in Brazil.

00:48:22This guy loves the Brazilian ladies.

00:48:23Oh, you like the Brazilian ladies?

00:48:24Absolutely.

00:48:25Yeah.

00:48:25Gorgeous.

00:48:26Tell them what you like about them.

00:48:28They have,

00:48:28yeah,

00:48:29you mean their backsides?

00:48:31Yeah,

00:48:32yeah,

00:48:32yeah.

00:48:32Yeah.

00:48:33Good.

00:48:33Oh,

00:48:34come on,

00:48:34man.

00:48:35No reason for filth.

00:48:36Hey,

00:48:37Matty.

00:48:37Not going to win a fucking Peabody

00:48:38for that fucking shit.

00:48:45I'm reading ahead.

00:48:46They're nice figures.

00:48:47I'm reading ahead.

00:48:48Well,

00:48:48we do have to take a break.

00:48:50Don't do it.

00:48:50Don't look at the sign,

00:48:51Normie.

00:48:51Yeah, okay,

00:48:51we won't look at it.

00:48:52Normie stays down and focused.

00:48:54I'm trying to-

00:48:54Pretends he doesn't see the teacher going,

00:48:56you have 30 seconds.

00:48:59Okay,

00:49:00oh,

00:49:00here's an interesting question.

00:49:01I did not know this.

00:49:03Siskel and Ebert were not big fans of you.

00:49:05I didn't know it,

00:49:06but I-

00:49:06I didn't know it either,

00:49:07really.

00:49:08If I had to make a guess.

00:49:10Yeah,

00:49:10yeah,

00:49:10they came at me.

00:49:12Siskel and Ebert,

00:49:13not big fans of yours,

00:49:14but by gosh,

00:49:15you can't not like Ebert

00:49:20for his incredible courage

00:49:22throughout the end.

00:49:24Yes.

00:49:24Good Lord God.

00:49:26Yes.

00:49:26You know,

00:49:27he kept happy.

00:49:28He stayed happy.

00:49:29And focused.

00:49:30And focused,

00:49:31and he talked about

00:49:32the transformative power of films.

00:49:34Didn't help to transform him

00:49:35that much,

00:49:36but mentally,

00:49:38you know what I mean?

00:49:39It swept him away

00:49:40from his-

00:49:42from the cage

00:49:43that had become his life.

00:49:45Anyways.

00:49:47Siskel and Ebert,

00:49:48it says here,

00:49:49foghorn,

00:49:51leaghorn67,

00:49:52says,

00:49:52Siskel and Ebert,

00:49:53we're not big fans

00:49:53of yours,

00:49:54the first of 95,

00:49:55but said you may have

00:49:57a great career

00:49:57as a villain.

00:49:59Have you ever thought

00:50:00of playing a villain?

00:50:02Yes.

00:50:03You have?

00:50:03No,

00:50:04but I would do it.

00:50:04Yeah,

00:50:05that would be pretty cool.

00:50:05That would be fun.

00:50:06In a serious movie?

00:50:07Now,

00:50:08you should write a serious movie

00:50:09that I'm the villain in.

00:50:10You can write a great serious movie.

00:50:11yeah,

00:50:11and you'd be the villain?

00:50:12Yeah,

00:50:13I would do it.

00:50:14What about this for an idea?

00:50:15Mm-hmm.

00:50:16A fellow like you,

00:50:17Mm-hmm.

00:50:18You go into a psychiatrist.

00:50:20I'm just giving away this film

00:50:22if anybody's listening.

00:50:23You go into a psychiatrist

00:50:25and you tell him many things,

00:50:26and then all of a sudden,

00:50:28session 66,

00:50:29you tell the,

00:50:29that's the name of the film.

00:50:33In session 66,

00:50:34you tell the psychiatrist

00:50:36that you murdered a girl

00:50:39when you were young

00:50:39and buried her

00:50:41in the woods of Manchester.

00:50:42Ooh,

00:50:43ooh,

00:50:43and he can't say nothing.

00:50:44Then you vanish.

00:50:45Ah.

00:50:46And then he's plagued by it.

00:50:48He's got it to tell somebody.

00:50:50Yeah,

00:50:50so he goes

00:50:51and he investigates

00:50:51and indeed,

00:50:52he finds out

00:50:52there was a girl slain.

00:50:54Oh,

00:50:54that's good.

00:50:55Yeah,

00:50:55so he goes to,

00:50:56and then he goes crazy.

00:50:58The nightmares

00:50:58that you should have,

00:50:59he has.

00:51:00Oh.

00:51:00Starts doing cocaine

00:51:02and molests,

00:51:03hey,

00:51:04gets disbarred,

00:51:05but he's on a mission.

00:51:06He has to find you,

00:51:07and he does find you.

00:51:09Uh-huh,

00:51:09uh-huh.

00:51:09But you have been forgiven

00:51:11by God.

00:51:13And he doesn't know this.

00:51:14Yeah,

00:51:15and then when he reaches you,

00:51:16you're there with your family,

00:51:17happy,

00:51:18and you're a villain.

00:51:19And he's plagued.

00:51:20He's plagued,

00:51:21and he tries to get you,

00:51:22you know,

00:51:23and you're a happy family man

00:51:25at this point,

00:51:26forgiven by God himself.

00:51:27Ah,

00:51:28that's not bad.

00:51:29Well,

00:51:30that's pretty fresh.

00:51:31He's the villain.

00:51:32Pretty fresh,

00:51:33except for one thing.

00:51:34What's that?

00:51:35They've already been?

00:51:36The exact plot

00:51:37of the water boy,

00:51:38buddy,

00:51:38and you know it.

00:51:40And you know it.

00:51:42The water boy was my favorite

00:51:44Sandler movie.

00:51:44Well,

00:51:46it was until another movie came out.

00:51:48You're in the water boy,

00:51:49aren't you?

00:51:49No,

00:51:50I'm not.

00:51:50No,

00:51:51you're in the animal,

00:51:52and I did the...

00:51:52The,

00:51:53uh,

00:51:54Click became my favorite movie.

00:51:56Yeah,

00:51:57yeah.

00:51:57My favorite,

00:51:57but before that was Waterboy.

00:51:59But then it was Click.

00:52:00What do you think of Click?

00:52:01Yeah,

00:52:01yeah,

00:52:01I like it.

00:52:03I love that one.

00:52:04That may go down

00:52:05as one of those,

00:52:06it's a wonderful life.

00:52:07I don't think Siskel and Ebert

00:52:07would put it up there,

00:52:08but I love it.

00:52:09But,

00:52:10uh,

00:52:10Steve Korn,

00:52:11buddy.

00:52:11That was Korn.

00:52:12And I remember he was,

00:52:13I think he's,

00:52:14you know how he's always,

00:52:15like,

00:52:16self-effacing Korn,

00:52:17he's afraid,

00:52:18you know,

00:52:18oh,

00:52:19I don't know.

00:52:19yeah.

00:52:19Too sentimental.

00:52:20He was cocky on that one.

00:52:21Wasn't he?

00:52:22No,

00:52:22no,

00:52:22no.

00:52:22But it was,

00:52:23it seems to me like that movie

00:52:25will become like an

00:52:26It's a Wonderful Life.

00:52:26I do get people

00:52:28who say they saw it

00:52:29and like,

00:52:30they got teary-eyed

00:52:31and yell at me and stuff.

00:52:33I got teary-eyed.

00:52:34Yeah,

00:52:34I like that one.

00:52:35And I only get teary-eyed

00:52:36for usually for the

00:52:37national anthem.

00:52:39Uh-huh.

00:52:40Which one?

00:52:41Huh?

00:52:41Which one?

00:52:43En français?

00:52:44S'il vous plaît.

00:52:45Come on.

00:52:46Well,

00:52:46how about this

00:52:47for a French song?

00:52:48Yeah.

00:52:48This is how,

00:52:49you know,

00:52:49listen,

00:52:49I grew up,

00:52:50my dad hated the French

00:52:51in Canada.

00:52:53Because the English

00:52:54generally hate the French.

00:52:55I see,

00:52:56yeah.

00:52:56So my dad,

00:52:56one time,

00:52:58he gets the,

00:52:58there's a song,

00:53:00Alouette,

00:53:01gente,

00:53:01alouette,

00:53:02alouette,

00:53:03gente,

00:53:03plumerée,

00:53:04gente,

00:53:04plumerée,

00:53:05okay.

00:53:05So my dad,

00:53:07who's bilingual,

00:53:08he told me,

00:53:09he said,

00:53:10sit down,

00:53:11son.

00:53:11And I sat down

00:53:12and he goes,

00:53:13here's what the French,

00:53:14here's what the French

00:53:15are all about.

00:53:16And then he,

00:53:17he,

00:53:18I translated it.

00:53:20And the translation

00:53:20is lark.

00:53:22Uh-huh.

00:53:24Gentle lark.

00:53:26Lark.

00:53:27Gentle lark.

00:53:28Gentle lark,

00:53:29gentle lark.

00:53:30Gentle lark,

00:53:31gentle lark.

00:53:32I will pluck

00:53:33you lark.

00:53:34I will pluck you lark.

00:53:35Pluck you lark.

00:53:36Pluck you lark.

00:53:37Pluck you lark.

00:53:38Lark,

00:53:39lark,

00:53:40lark,

00:53:41lark,

00:53:42lark.

00:53:43Whoa.

00:53:43You know what you got

00:53:44right there?

00:53:45Yeah?

00:53:45You got the shrink.

00:53:47That's his final monologue.

00:53:52Are you talking about Session 66?

00:53:54Yes, I am.

00:53:56Session 66.

00:53:57All right, maybe we should go.

00:53:58We should go.

00:53:59And when we come back, we do jokes.

00:54:01Let's do it.

00:54:01When we return.

00:54:07We are back with the only Adam Sandler.

00:54:15Yep.

00:54:15I think they were confused, but I didn't say one and only.

00:54:18Why should you?

00:54:19But I figure only.

00:54:21There is.

00:54:22You don't need one.

00:54:23You don't need one.

00:54:24All right.

00:54:25Adam Sandler says we're going to do jokes.

00:54:27On this show, we actually provide the guests with jokes.

00:54:30Oh, good, good, good.

00:54:31So you don't have to think about it.

00:54:31Who wrote them?

00:54:32Funny stuff.

00:54:33Oh, we don't like to say because also you have the option to pass.

00:54:39Oh, but I can put this in my act if I want to.

00:54:42It's like Jimmy Fallon.

00:54:43Yes.

00:54:44It's a game.

00:54:46Okay, ready?

00:54:46I'll do the first joke to show you how they go.

00:54:50Michigan.

00:54:51So you can do it to the camera or you can do it to me.

00:54:53It doesn't matter.

00:54:54Michigan man Curtis Peterson received a 15-year prison sentence for having sex with his pet

00:55:01pit bull.

00:55:03Well, what's that, Lassie?

00:55:05Woof, woof.

00:55:06Grandpa got stuck in a well.

00:55:08Woof, woof.

00:55:09Oh, you got raped.

00:55:14So I didn't want to say, you know, but that's just a, now this is a, this is to me

00:55:18a perfect

00:55:19Sandler joke.

00:55:20Here, try that one.

00:55:21Okay.

00:55:22A new study found that men with beers are more attractive.

00:55:25More great work from the University of Bob Zeger.

00:55:28That was a good one.

00:55:30That's great.

00:55:32We always go on to Ege, you know.

00:55:34Let's go, baby.

00:55:35All right.

00:55:35Ege man.

00:55:36Sometimes he does nothing.

00:55:40Growing up, I never would have believed that one day I'd need a computer just to masturbate.

00:55:48That's not bad.

00:55:49Did they have computers when you grew up?

00:55:52Yeah, I had an Apple 2GS.

00:55:56Apple 2GS.

00:55:56Oh, really?

00:55:57So when I was young, Radio Shack TRS-80.

00:56:00But we're older than you, huh, buddy?

00:56:02I don't remember computers.

00:56:02That was the biggest.

00:56:03When I was young, the computers were so big, they'd fill up a whole room.

00:56:09But the good thing is you could ask them a specific question, and then it would come

00:56:13out, yes or no.

00:56:16Unless you asked them an imponderable, and then the smoke would spit out.

00:56:20And say, this does not compute.

00:56:22Okay, what about this joke?

00:56:24Call me an old softie.

00:56:26But I'd prefer if you called me a distinguished gentleman with a flagging erection.

00:56:34Hey, you got the New York things on, so here's a New York joke.

00:56:38New York sports joke.

00:56:39Tim Tebow's time in New York wasn't a total loss.

00:56:42He had a monument built to him in Central Park.

00:56:44A bench.

00:56:47A bench.

00:56:48A new bench.

00:56:50In my opinion, if you're going to fight the war on terror, a good place to start would

00:56:56be this nation's haunted houses.

00:57:03They're terrifying.

00:57:04That's a good one.

00:57:05You know, when I was a boy, my dad, he was a, I guess he was a frugal fella.

00:57:11Yes, yes.

00:57:12You know, he was a double generation.

00:57:14He had a big family he had to take, have money for you.

00:57:16And he was the age, you know, of my grandfather.

00:57:20He had me when he was 50.

00:57:22So he had lived in the Depression and so forth.

00:57:24Anyways, the point of the thing is this.

00:57:26We're at the exhibition, and there's the haunted house.

00:57:29So me and my brothers all want to go in the haunted house, and my dad says, well, god damn,

00:57:33that's no haunted.

00:57:34That can't be a haunted house.

00:57:35Why not?

00:57:36Well, it has wheels.

00:57:38The ghosts, they come right out of it.

00:57:41That's funny, man.

00:57:43It's erect.

00:57:46Catherine Zeta-Jones has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

00:57:50Turns out half the time she's Zeta.

00:57:52Oh, that's good.

00:57:55Here's one for you, Adam.

00:57:57Good luck, Ezzie.

00:57:58If you were a Russian prostitute on a date with serial killer Andrei Chikatoli, a.k.a.

00:58:05the Rostov Ripper, and he couldn't achieve an erection, this was not your lucky day.

00:58:10Oh, goodness.

00:58:13Well, things happen in this world, you know.

00:58:15Here's one.

00:58:16This actually is from my home country.

00:58:20Oh, okay.

00:58:20Ken.

00:58:21Yeah.

00:58:21Self-described Canadian porn star Luca Rocco Magneta heading to court soon for the

00:58:26grisly murder of his Chinese boyfriend.

00:58:29Magneta allegedly killed Lin Yun on videotape.

00:58:33He started by cutting Yun's penis off, leading to his lover bleeding out live on videotape.

00:58:40Magneta then went to his kitchen and placed his boyfriend's penis into a skillet, frying

00:58:45it until it was golden brown.

00:58:47While taking his last breath, Yun witnessed his supposed soulmate feast on his genitals.

00:58:53After Yun had perished, Magneta began dismembering him, sending packages of his...

00:58:58I mean, this guy was a real jerk.

00:59:09Hey, Adam.

00:59:12One day in the hopefully not too distant future, North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un is going to

00:59:17hear a loud popping sound, the sound of his head coming out of his ass.

00:59:23Adam is very kind.

00:59:24I just...

00:59:24Adam is the kindest guest to you so far.

00:59:26Yeah, by far.

00:59:28Yeah.

00:59:28Just in case he's still booking Tempe.

00:59:32He's got to get in there.

00:59:33Super Dave Osborne stared at him for a full 25 seconds.

00:59:37He's tough.

00:59:38He's a strong man.

00:59:39Yeah.

00:59:40Where did you find this guy?

00:59:43Here's one for Adam.

00:59:45Thanks.

00:59:45A little joke.

00:59:47There's no wrong way to eat a Reese's, says the guy who didn't shove a bunch of Reese's

00:59:51up his ass.

00:59:52That's good.

00:59:54Very good.

00:59:55Very good.

00:59:56This is very...

00:59:57Remember how hard you used to kill on SNL, by the way?

00:59:59What?

00:59:59You, with these days jokes.

01:00:01Remember you had to bring me out?

01:00:03Yeah.

01:00:03I'd be next to you.

01:00:04It was always fun to bring Sandler out.

01:00:05Oh, God.

01:00:06I didn't make you do...

01:00:07Oh, no.

01:00:07You would interview the Cajun man.

01:00:09Yeah.

01:00:09No, no, no, no.

01:00:10No, no, no.

01:00:10That was...

01:00:11No, that was...

01:00:12Nealon.

01:00:12No, but you...

01:00:13Nealon was perfect at that.

01:00:14But what did you use to...

01:00:16I just sat there while you did the Hanukkah song.

01:00:19Oh.

01:00:21Yeah, but you were a rock.

01:00:23I remember helping to write that Hanukkah song.

01:00:27By golly, it was fun.

01:00:28Yeah, we all did it together.

01:00:29And then it was before the computers.

01:00:30It was when Roseanne was host.

01:00:32We were all new.

01:00:32They loved you.

01:00:33And before the...

01:00:34It was before computers.

01:00:36Right.

01:00:36So Laurie Jo was at that time the writer's assistant.

01:00:40You would have to go, Laurie Jo, find out if this guy's a Jew.

01:00:43That's right.

01:00:44That's right.

01:00:44It would be like a day later.

01:00:46I don't think so.

01:00:48What rhymes with...

01:00:50Yeah, yeah.

01:00:54And then at the end, all I remember at the end, I said, there is Adam Sandler.

01:00:59Not too shabby.

01:01:01Oh, wow.

01:01:02Very nice.

01:01:02What is your joke?

01:01:04The Octomon has reportedly been evicted from a California home.

01:01:07The mother of 14 children packed up and left her property in Palmdale after being asked

01:01:13to leave for not paying her rent for the month of April.

01:01:16The single parent, whose real name is Nadia Sewellman, exited, leaving a huge mess and the

01:01:20stench of urine inside the pad.

01:01:22Wait, it says here the urine has been traced back to Adam Eget.

01:01:25Which is mean.

01:01:27It's a self-effacing joke.

01:01:32Tricked you there, Adam.

01:01:33Hey, here's one for Adam.

01:01:36It reminds me of...

01:01:37This reminds me of a Dangerfield joke.

01:01:41So I'm going to give it to Adam.

01:01:45Oh, yeah.

01:01:53The first thing on his bucket list was suicide.

01:01:56All right, baby.

01:01:56Okay.

01:01:58That's good, right?

01:01:59That is a very good Rodney joke.

01:02:01That sounds like a Rodney.

01:02:02Okay, fine.

01:02:03I remember at the end, I saw him a couple of times at the improv, and at the end, he'd

01:02:07say, thanks for the use of the haul.

01:02:11Oh, yeah.

01:02:11The haul.

01:02:12I wish we had the Gardner joke that you made him tell Rodney.

01:02:15Was it?

01:02:16Remember Rodney?

01:02:17Bob Woods used to open for Buddy Hackett?

01:02:21Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:02:21And he used to, he won the first night, and he said to Buddy when he got off, hey, man,

01:02:28that was a great set.

01:02:28He'd go, they're not set.

01:02:30They're shows.

01:02:32And Bob Woods said that he did a whole tour with him, and he on purpose did it every night.

01:02:36And he would come off, and he'd go, whoa, man, that was quite a set.

01:02:39They're not set.

01:02:43All right, baby, thanks for the haul.

01:02:45Are you all right?

01:02:45You're okay.

01:02:46Kevin James has a smooth Rodney, by the way.

01:02:49Oh, he did a good one?

01:02:49Unbelievable, Rodney.

01:02:51Yeah, of course.

01:02:51He gets deeper.

01:02:52Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:02:53Yeah, yeah.

01:02:54Hanging out with Rodney, by the way, was that not the craziest?

01:02:56Oh, my God.

01:02:58It's funny that he thought he didn't know he was funny or something, you know?

01:03:03Yeah, everything he said was funny.

01:03:04Yeah, everything was funny, but he kind of, he didn't know if you were making fun of him.

01:03:10Yeah, yeah.

01:03:10They think I'm a square or something.

01:03:12Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:03:13But everybody worshipped him.

01:03:14Everyone loved him.

01:03:14But he didn't understand him.

01:03:15Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:03:16Are there any good stories from...

01:03:17Well, no, one time Josh Gardner was, he used to do this joke, I was not going to make him

01:03:23do it, it was just a retarded joke, where he'd go like, he'd go, there's these two gay

01:03:28guys, and one guy goes, says to the other, he says, this is how Josh talks, he goes, one

01:03:33gay guy says to the other, let's play a game called hide and go seek.

01:03:37End up, I will hide, you try to seek me, and if you find me, you get to fuck my

01:03:43ass, I'll

01:03:44be behind the couch.

01:03:47So I said, you got to tell that to Rodney, you know?

01:03:50And so Rodney came, and then they were in that hallway down by the makeup where it's

01:03:53super thin, you know?

01:03:55That Farley used to have his dressing room, it's that super thin hall.

01:04:00And so I said, go tell him the joke.

01:04:02And he got stuck there with Rodney, real close, you know?

01:04:05And he told the joke to Rodney, and then, big silence, and then Rodney said, I'll tell

01:04:10you something, kid, I'm not much for jokes, okay?

01:04:16The guy most for jokes ever.

01:04:19I hate one-liners, are you all right?

01:04:21All right.

01:04:23We're going to end the entire broadcast now.

01:04:27Yep.

01:04:28Thank you, Adam.

01:04:29It's time, Normie, let's do it again.

01:04:31It was great being with you.

01:04:31I'm going to give you two jokes to do, though, to end the show.

01:04:34Okay.

01:04:35And here is the first joke.

01:04:38Now, you can read ahead.

01:04:39There's nothing wrong.

01:04:40There's no shame in reading ahead.

01:04:42Okay, so I can deliver it all as far?

01:04:44Yeah, no, no, you've been delivering great.

01:04:45I'm just saying, no shame in reading ahead.

01:04:50I think there's nothing cooler than being a lone wolf, except at wolf picnics, when you

01:04:56don't have a partner for the wolf wheelbarrow race.

01:04:58Okay, you know what?

01:04:59All right, baby.

01:05:00I'm going to give you two more jokes.

01:05:04You can read ahead, but I think this one is perfect Sandler.

01:05:07Okay.

01:05:08Offstage Sandler.

01:05:12That's a good one.

01:05:14We should end that.

01:05:16Here, I'll tell you what.

01:05:17We'll end with that one.

01:05:18All right, you can do that.

01:05:19You can read ahead.

01:05:20Porn actor Ron Jeremy is back at work after having open heart surgery.

01:05:24The name of his next feature, I'll have to sit down for most of this.

01:05:29Okay, so this is going to end the broadcast, and then we'll say goodnight.

01:05:32The perfect Adam Sandler, the offstage Adam Sandler show.

01:05:37And here it is.

01:05:40Thomas Edison invented the light bulb, but I invented the light bulb up my ass.

01:05:48All right, Adam Sandler, everybody.

01:05:50Thank you, buddy.

01:05:51All right.

01:05:52Not too shabby.

01:05:53Thank you very much.

01:05:54My hero, Adam.

01:05:56Way to go.

01:05:57Thanks, guys.

01:06:33Thanks, guys.

01:06:34Thanks, guys.

01:06:35Thanks, guys.

01:06:37Thanks, guys.

01:06:38Thanks, guys.

01:06:48Thanks, guys.

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