- 6 weeks ago
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00:05tonight our guest is the legendary david spade if you have watched tv for the past quarter century
00:13you will be um familiar with david i'm here with my trusty sidekick adam egott
00:20i like the guests we're getting this uh fantastic this season they're all very entertaining and
00:27uh wonderful i can't wait for spade spade's a great guy oh yeah i love him for a long time
00:33he's back in
00:33the dressing room right now can't wait dressing up sure get his clothes on what do you got in your
00:41tooth oh shit huh it's red oh i just ate some dried cranberries that's what it is that's what i
00:49thought
00:49it was you're on television it's still there now it's gone all right so anyways what were you
01:01going to say about it i feel like it's still there what is what are you going to say you're
01:04at the
01:05comedy store yeah and your guests come in or something at the store that guests that could
01:12be good at the podcast come into the store and then you don't bring them to the podcast oh god
01:22it's like you know you always uh you always abandon bits it's just it's rare that you abandon it
01:29before it starts that's all it's it's new no what was the idea i forgot i'm sorry can we start
01:36over
01:36brian red band listen we're just trying to be funny but you had an idea uh yeah the idea was
01:48that uh it's based on truth yeah that a lot of a lot of famous people come into the comedy
01:53store
01:53yes you work at the world famous comedy world famous comedy and so people come in and out
01:58people come in and uh i mean this is something go on stage but also people come in the audience
02:04yeah famous celebrities shows and uh and it's a bit that was based on reality because you have
02:10been upset before right always talk about oh tarantino did you ask me to do the podcast no i didn't
02:15ask
02:15so the joke is that all these people and they've become uh increasingly more outlandish as the list
02:21went on yeah and at the end you sent the big guy came in mick jagger right and he you
02:28sent him to
02:28another podcast over to joe rogan joe rogan's podcast was one of the jokes oh isn't that fine
02:35fine and dandy hey i uh i uh reminded me though of mick jagger because you know we want to
02:44be funny
02:45here too sure and so do you want to hear a joke yeah of course well a frog
02:53you know how you talk about outlandish how about this a frog goes into a bank to get a loan
03:02imagine so the frog goes up to the lady and she has a little name tag on as they do
03:08it says whack so her name is mrs whack so uh uh can i uh get a loan i don't
03:18know you're a frog well
03:19i want a loan well what's your name kermit you're not kermit the frog no no no i was named
03:31after him
03:31the name's kermit jagger my father's mick jagger and my mother's a frog he fucked a frog
03:41and uh and i'm his offspring you see well anyways i want a loan uh for a lily pad
03:54well you can't i don't know if you can have one do you have any collateral
03:59well i have this the frog pulls out a little shiny pink elephant you know a little shiny pink
04:10elephant this is my collateral so mrs whack looks at it and her name's patty i don't think this is
04:18much collateral you know but i'll talk to the bank manager about it you know there's a frog out there
04:25kermit jagger gave me this damn thing do you know have any idea what this is the bank manager says
04:35uh let me see now what is this
04:42this is a knick-knack patty whack give the frog a loan his old man's a rolling stone
04:53so much involved a lot of moving parts yeah a lot of it all came together there
04:58when we return david spade will be with us
05:06tonight's guest for the full hour
05:08now it gets stiff
05:08i know
05:09yeah
05:10full hour that wasn't a deal
05:13i thought this was a pop-in
05:15david spade is our guest you know him from saturday live eight
05:19simple rules
05:20not everyone knows even that yeah
05:22rules of engagement
05:23sure
05:24don't forget his classic comedies
05:29like tommy boy black sheep
05:30and the great
05:32joe dirt
05:33yeah
05:34his stand-up special my fake problems now available for download on itunes and amazon instant video
05:41he'll be at cobs comedy club in san francisco june 3rd and 4th
05:46what a winded intro i got
05:47what else venetian
05:49the venetian resort and casino in las vegas
05:56june 13th and 14th
05:58you know it's funny i usually sweat toward the end of an interview
06:01i am drenched
06:02yeah well it's hot
06:03minute two yeah
06:04it's hot
06:05we uh we tape in southern california
06:07you know it's uh
06:08huh
06:0996 today and i know it's bad when everyone busts out the umbrellas
06:12you know what i mean when it
06:13not for rain
06:14yeah yeah yeah
06:15i go oh boy this is gonna be a scorcher
06:17this guy he was like um he was like 96 i prefer 69 i'm like all right
06:23and he threw that one in
06:25was he warming up for this
06:27i know do you know this character
06:28not really
06:29he was uh the he has a funny story but when you were at the tempe improv he said
06:34i actually yeah about 11 years ago maybe 10
06:37i i was actually a server there at first and uh you were upstairs in the balcony and dan murr
06:43you remember dan sure um looks like the critic
06:46he was a manager
06:47he was running around making sure everything was perfect and stressing me out and i had a full
06:52tray of drinks and i spilled probably the entire tray of drinks all over the girl you were with
06:57uh-oh
06:58how'd i handle it
06:59you were really
07:00i was cool
07:01you were actually really kind
07:01yeah yeah you were cool
07:02did i say now hiring or something like that
07:04i think she like immediately i don't think you know what was going on
07:07she just jumped
07:08that's a good line
07:09taking her like clothes off
07:11and you're like all right yeah
07:12yeah
07:12you were excited
07:13slip you a 20
07:14now hiring
07:15that's not bad when someone drops something
07:17yeah yeah yeah
07:18now hiring
07:19now hiring
07:20that's not bad
07:21david is returning to stand up in a big way
07:24oh
07:25someone told me that
07:26you have never not been on tv
07:28since uh saturday night live
07:30starting with my sonogram
07:32yeah
07:35i said tell the people for tell the people at home what a sonogram is
07:38oh uh
07:40a sonogram is a picture of a uterus
07:43yes
07:44is that what it is
07:45i know it's something like that
07:46yeah
07:47picture of a pregnant girl's
07:48yeah
07:48through her thing but
07:49yeah
07:50and a baby's like a
07:52but uh
07:53a sonogram is when you panic
07:55yeah
07:56and it's real
07:57and you go oh boy
07:58uh so uh
07:59so you've never been off
08:00since then
08:01then it was a gap
08:02there was a gap after
08:03the sonogram
08:04yeah
08:05then when i was uh
08:08after uh
08:09uh high school
08:10i started a little talent shows
08:12and tried to do stand up
08:13and then i
08:13wound up got on tv
08:15locally
08:16and then my big one i think was evening at the improv
08:18oh yeah
08:18that one
08:19how many of those
08:19improv tonight
08:20oh yeah
08:21i think that's like three or four
08:23improv tonight evening at the improv
08:26improv tonight
08:27and then there was comedy tonight new york
08:29which i wish i could get on
08:30i used to watch
08:31bill boggs
08:32yeah
08:32tell us about bill boggs
08:34i don't even know him
08:34oh you don't
08:38well i don't know
08:39i asked you
08:39about bill boggs
08:41he said never heard of him
08:42i said you'd never heard of bill boggs
08:45the impresario of comedy
08:49he created
08:52the television show
08:53comedy tonight
08:54comedy tonight
08:55that was a stand up show for the people at home
08:57yeah
08:58tell the people at home what comedy tonight was all about
09:00um
09:01comedy tonight was a
09:02little dinky studio
09:04possibly dinkier than this
09:05no
09:05it was a little bigger than this
09:07and it was uh
09:08just in the corner
09:09and they had a mic stand
09:10and i saw it in arizona
09:11i was freaking out
09:12because it was such showbiz for me
09:13but
09:13and they just film stand-ups
09:14do their act
09:15at like midnight
09:16and they had like three and a half hour
09:18i think that's what it was
09:19and i was freaking out
09:20that was like the first time
09:21outside of carson or something
09:22i saw stand-ups on tv
09:24and uh
09:25i wanted to do stand-up
09:26i was super crummy at it
09:27but i thought i could uh
09:28i would love to get on that show
09:29as some sort of mistake
09:31you said i'm at least as good as bill boggs
09:34huh
09:34did he do stand-up
09:35or is he just a producer
09:36he's an impresario
09:37he created the
09:39the uh
09:40the famous uh
09:42morton downey jr show
09:44oh yeah
09:44oh yes
09:45and then he had a cooking show
09:47oh no
09:48we don't worry
09:49or no
09:49he would take you to a restaurant
09:52and
09:52and there'd be a bill boggs
09:54and joy behar
09:55eating some pasta
09:57all right
09:57people say pasta
09:58here in the united states
09:59pasta they say up in canada
10:01yeah
10:01pasta
10:03pasta
10:03they ruin everything
10:05pasta skates
10:06because i'm going out
10:07and i'm hitting the ice
10:10we can trim this
10:11we have some questions david
10:13from the internet
10:13that we take from
10:14my twitter feed
10:16i'll have your twitter feed
10:17about golf
10:18this one is from
10:21this one is you like golf
10:23first burn
10:24who was your favorite pga golfer
10:26ooh
10:28spithe
10:29wow
10:31that was pretty good wasn't it
10:32that was pretty good
10:33he's new
10:33so are you disappointed
10:34that he didn't break the records
10:36he always seems to end up
10:38in the final pairing
10:38doesn't he
10:39you know
10:40i only know him
10:41it's jordan spike
10:42yeah
10:43he's 20
10:43jordan spike
10:44and he was in the final
10:46of the masters
10:46that was cool
10:47i like to see young guy
10:48and he was in the final
10:49at the u.s.
10:50at the players
10:51is that recently
10:51yeah so he lost
10:53he was in the finals
10:54with bob and he lost
10:55the masters
10:56and then he was in the finals
10:57with martin keimer
10:58and
10:58well those guys are
10:59seasoned pros
11:00they are
11:01it's like if this clown
11:02was in the finals
11:03of something
11:03with you
11:04you probably went
11:05right
11:05remember this guy
11:06lost to the bushman
11:07on star search
11:08so
11:08who
11:09the bushman
11:10i don't see
11:11well it was international
11:13star search
11:13so they're
11:14you had to go up
11:15against a bushman
11:15from like
11:16yeah
11:17one guy's from africa
11:18he wore tribal robes
11:20the bushman
11:20the other guy's
11:21from canada
11:21me
11:22i had no jokes
11:23about me
11:23i would have
11:24dressed up as a mount
11:25if i'd known
11:25you could do that
11:27and i said
11:28i don't want to be
11:29on star search
11:30and he goes
11:31but the winner
11:32gets a million dollars
11:34the winner
11:34got five thousand dollars
11:36and i didn't even win
11:37right
11:38and i was backstage
11:39with the nicaraguan
11:41junior dancers
11:42and their parents sad
11:43they put all the losers
11:45in a sad place
11:46a sad room
11:48yeah
11:48and i remember telling a lady
11:50i said don't worry about it
11:52your kid
11:53they wouldn't
11:54even the winners
11:54nothing
11:56even the winners
11:57don't matter
11:57yeah not the junior dancers
12:00they're going nowhere
12:01so this is a question
12:02little juliana huff
12:03was in that room
12:04no but how about
12:05the fact
12:06now that you lost
12:07but uh
12:07dennis miller
12:08went against sinbad
12:10oh he went up against sinbad
12:11how many stars
12:11did you get by the way
12:12two
12:12i don't know
12:14i want to say
12:14three and a quarter
12:15you remember
12:15no i got
12:16you got one
12:17three quarters
12:18of a star
12:19of one
12:19why'd you do the ace stuff
12:21i got three zeros
12:22and a one
12:23three zeros
12:24they can't give you a zero
12:25yeah three
12:25uh no how does it work out
12:27three
12:28uh maybe ones
12:29three one zero
12:30and three ones
12:31i've never seen anybody
12:32get zero stars
12:33three ones and a zero
12:34dennis said he went
12:35against sinbad
12:36well you figure that out
12:37wow
12:37that'd be hard
12:38do the math
12:39dennis goes
12:40i do all my best jokes
12:42about ronald reagan
12:42sinbad comes out
12:43and he goes
12:44you ever have
12:45underpants sold
12:46you're just wearing
12:46a rubber band
12:47they go
12:47four stars
12:51it's sort of true
12:52it's a funny bit
12:54four stars
12:55he goes
12:56ed mcmahon used to
12:57get into those bands
12:58he goes
12:58ladies and gentlemen
12:59kayak
13:00oh
13:01you see the thing
13:02about that
13:03yeah
13:03about the junior
13:04dancers
13:05because i remember
13:05one time
13:06there was a junior
13:07dancer
13:07they were doing good
13:08and it was called
13:09adam and eve
13:11there was a little
13:11boy and girl
13:12right
13:12and they went
13:13they won like three
13:15and something
13:16it must have been
13:17somebody must have
13:18complained about it
13:18you know being
13:20bible
13:20yeah
13:21biblical
13:21so the next week
13:23up and at them
13:26which is a much
13:27better name
13:28i do like that
13:28because they're like
13:32so here's
13:32do you want to hear
13:33the question
13:33yeah we're sort of
13:34going in circles
13:35from pepsi or sprite
13:35do you remember
13:37there was that
13:38really squeaky
13:39clean intern at snl
13:40who took the bus
13:41every day
13:41to and from philly
13:42and was the only
13:43guy who called
13:44lord mr michaels
13:45and people asked him
13:47why he didn't just
13:47call him lord
13:48and the kid said
13:49i'll call mr michaels
13:50lord when mr michaels
13:51tells me to call him
13:52that
13:52but then there was
13:53this director
13:54who went off his meds
13:55and became obsessed
13:56with this kid
13:57and the police found
13:58the director in a van
13:59and the van had the
14:00kid's name on the
14:01contact sheet circled
14:02in red and pictures
14:03of the kid
14:04with his eyes cut out
14:05and they thought the
14:06director had killed
14:07the kid but he was
14:07just on the bus
14:08back home to philly
14:09do you remember that
14:10he was the same guy
14:11who attacked
14:12rosa the cleaning lady
14:13was it tom shiller
14:15well we didn't want
14:15to say that
14:16i thought i was
14:19gonna win
14:19who was it
14:22i'm just reading
14:23a card
14:25jeez
14:25with the great
14:26tom shiller
14:27i thought this was
14:28a murder mystery
14:29do you remember
14:30the great tom shiller
14:31tom shiller is cool
14:32the only thing that
14:33went south with me
14:33and him
14:34is that i have a
14:35bad neck as you
14:36know
14:36when i was so
14:39horny to be in
14:40sketches
14:41it was humiliating
14:42because i'd go in
14:42a shiller vision
14:43bits
14:43which were sort
14:44of you know
14:45they'd clank a
14:46little bit
14:46five to one
14:47but they're a
14:47little dramatic
14:48yeah he'd film
14:49them out
14:50out and about
14:51new york
14:51and if you were
14:52in nothing
14:52sometimes you
14:52can get in
14:53those
14:53and then
14:54but before that
14:55one time i was
14:56in rewrites
14:56and franken was in
14:58there he was one
14:58of the head
14:58writers
14:59and they were
15:00doing a thing
15:00about a talk
15:01show and i had
15:01nothing in the
15:02show for like
15:02week after week
15:02so bonnie
15:04turner stood
15:05up and they
15:06go bonnie's
15:06going to stand
15:07up and ask a
15:07question and say
15:08my son blah blah
15:09and i go can i
15:11be your son just
15:11standing next to
15:12her and al frank
15:13goes there's no
15:14lines i go i don't
15:16care all this
15:16interesting he goes
15:17how desperate are
15:18you i'm like
15:19pretty desperate
15:20like i want to be
15:21on tv so people
15:22believe i was in
15:23the same line like
15:23no one even
15:23believes i'm in
15:24new york like i
15:25keep going snl
15:26they're like i
15:26have never there's
15:27no proof so i
15:28thought that'd be
15:29exciting and then i
15:30did a shiller vision
15:31and the joke was i
15:32grow old with
15:33this girl victoria
15:34jackson i think
15:35and then at the
15:36end i'm dressed i
15:37gotta get this old
15:38man makeup which
15:38is horrible and
15:39the only joke is
15:40they drop a bomb
15:41in my head like
15:41everything's going
15:42perfectly and i get
15:42hit with a like a
15:43literally a bomb and
15:45he dropped it from
15:46her ladder and i was
15:46like and i have a
15:47bad neck but i
15:48wouldn't complain
15:49about it and he
15:50kept dropping an
15:51effing bomb on my
15:52head not to be
15:53confused with an
15:54f-bomb gosh
15:55almighty who
15:57was anyway that
15:57was probably where my
15:58neck got even worse
15:59when did you uh
16:01hit it on a saturn
16:02i'm doing a book of
16:03boring stories i might
16:05use that one
16:05when did you hit it
16:06on saturn oh good
16:07question um or were
16:08you worried at any
16:09point yeah yeah well i
16:11got there we got there
16:13uh four shows before
16:15summer rob schneider and
16:17i got hired as writer
16:18performers which i didn't
16:20like at all i wanted to
16:20be just four shows before
16:22the summer before the end
16:23of the season which is
16:24weird we auditioned and
16:25they go come in and just
16:26ride out these four and
16:27write i wrote my big life
16:29alert bit for jan hooks
16:31life alert my fingers
16:35are in that toaster and
16:35it's on dark hurry
16:38something like she's
16:39making up reasons to
16:39talk to the life
16:40alert guy because she
16:42was bored that one got
16:43close to getting on
16:44give me the chronology
16:45of this now wow was
16:47saddler already there
16:47no no one was there
16:48yet so it was before
16:50saddler it was the
16:50exodus of like dennis
16:53those guys hadn't left
16:53yet but lovitz was
16:54leaving a lot of those
16:55people were leaving i
16:56came in with schneider
16:57we did four shows and
16:59then dennis goes you
17:00know you better get
17:01something on they're not
17:01going to bring you
17:02back meanwhile he
17:03didn't mention it's
17:04impossible to get a
17:05sketch on this is
17:06writing against conan
17:07o'brien robert smiegel
17:08bob odenkirk sure jack
17:10handy and then like
17:12you're are you there
17:12then i wasn't there i
17:14but but all those
17:15everyone's great like
17:16you're there mike myers
17:18is writing dana everyone's
17:19great dennis yeah so to
17:21get to be better than
17:22them and get a sketch
17:23in forget i didn't know
17:23what i was doing so and
17:25only four episodes to do
17:26it before i had four
17:27episodes one was the
17:28big dice clay one where
17:29he oh yeah all that hype
17:30yeah yeah and one was
17:32alec baldwin nora efron
17:34walked off the show yeah
17:36right and so did sinead
17:37o'connor i think right i
17:39was there for that one
17:39too you were there for
17:41sinead o'connor yeah it
17:42was nora dunn by the
17:43way oh no i meant when
17:44dice did it sinead was
17:46that the same show no
17:47that wasn't the same
17:47show no she said she
17:48didn't want to do it
17:49because dice was
17:50professional to get a
17:51different musical guest
17:52this guy you can hire
17:53this guy to ruin all the
17:54interviews
17:56no so how about this
17:58when sinead o'connor was
17:59there sinead ripped up
18:01her picture and lauren
18:02was over there like
18:03irish like he didn't
18:04even care and i was
18:06sitting and i walked by
18:06i didn't know it was a
18:07big deal and i saw
18:08piece i go like this i
18:10picked up a piece of it
18:10and i put it in my
18:11pocket i go oh it's
18:13because i thought it
18:13was sort of a big deal
18:13but i know meanwhile it's
18:15an international story
18:16yeah you know it's
18:17crazy monday morning i'm
18:19about to go to work for
18:20the uh house meeting
18:22and inside edition is
18:23on they're like
18:25every story is about
18:26the pope thing
18:27sinead o'connor
18:27and they go the ripped
18:29up picture and they
18:30show it and it's i go
18:31oh it looks like the
18:32real one and one piece
18:33was missing
18:34oh and i go like this
18:36oh my god that's the
18:38real ripped up picture
18:39and so i went in and
18:41bragged about it to like
18:42sandler and everyone
18:42and then i go i got a
18:44piece of it and then i
18:45got called into the
18:46office by kenny among
18:47he's like there's
18:49bodyguards he's like
18:50anything you want to
18:51tell us and i didn't
18:54know what was going on
18:55and they go someone
18:56apparently one of the
18:58stagehands sold that
18:59picture for 10 grand
19:01inside edition and they
19:02thought i might be in
19:02on it because i was
19:04blabbing like a canary
19:06that i i had a piece of
19:07it so i like ran and
19:09gave it back and i
19:09never did anything with
19:10it i wish i had it now
19:10i could sell it oh my
19:11yeah that's a big piece
19:12of history but back to
19:14dice was just but
19:16sandler was there
19:17no with those four he
19:18was not there and then
19:20uh and then when i came
19:21back after the summer it
19:23was farley and rock and
19:27then uh and then i met
19:29farley on the way in my
19:30hotel on the way to work
19:31the first day and then
19:32we all shared an office
19:33and then sandler came
19:35right before christmas
19:36and then so and then he
19:37like blew by me on a
19:38rocket ship that was the
19:39hard part is everyone was
19:41doing great and i sort of
19:43looked like dana and i
19:43couldn't get ahead and i
19:45couldn't get it he looked
19:46too much like dana dana was
19:48a better version of me so
19:50if an impression looks like
19:51sandler like the macho man
19:52camacho remember saying i
19:54don't you we're going to be
19:54the macho man you guys were
19:56very different though i could
19:57me and dana well just from the
19:59outset plus he's really good
20:00impressions i'm not so i
20:01really didn't know what i was
20:02bringing to the table i was
20:03just like i can mumble jokes
20:04what's the first thing in it
20:06you could do michael j fox yeah
20:08but yeah listen i gotta give
20:11me a minute on this here
20:12sarge uh christ mallory i did
20:16that and that that was one of
20:17my only few impressions and
20:18when michael j fox came on the
20:19show i was like feasting going
20:20oh my god i want to get to do
20:22something and lauren called me
20:23he goes i know you do a great
20:24michael j fox can you coach
20:27dana oh i go oof he goes you'll
20:30do it later but oh so the first
20:32thing i saw was dana doing then
20:33i'd look like i'm doing his
20:35impression oh i didn't know
20:36dana did it he didn't i had him
20:38tell him to do it but dana did
20:39it and he came out and did it
20:40in the monologue and then i came
20:41after that and did it so it's
20:42like the three of us because i
20:44wasn't known enough so i get
20:46sort of it wouldn't have looked
20:48like great impression if you
20:48don't even know what i sound like
20:49anyway yeah before we get away
20:52from what's the dice uh dice was
20:54really no good story just the
20:56bigger story it was just so much
20:57hype no no i mean you said he
21:00didn't want to get back to it
21:02i thought i thought there might
21:03have been a good story he was
21:04just the hugest host biggest
21:05rating and he and it was just
21:08sort of uneventful show but the
21:09alec baldwin the week four was
21:10his first time and he was great
21:12and he won an emmy for it and
21:13that was his first time ever and
21:14he came he looked so cool he's a
21:16cool dude you were there for the
21:18kinnison show no i wish gosh i
21:20thought he was good on that show
21:22really cool stories from baldwin when
21:23he was in the writers room are you
21:27asking me yeah this is the you're
21:31asking me a question wow do you
21:34well no because ask him to his
21:36phone don't let me get in the way of
21:38norm's interview who was your
21:39favorite host actually oh he does
21:41this every fucking time i he told me a
21:43great story and then he plays down
21:45he's like oh what are you talking
21:46about we'll cut it later this whole
21:47part is because i'm not here to be
21:50interviewed by him i drive down on
21:51that maybe david was there and it was
21:54a great story maybe i think it's
21:55interesting i will not but i like the
21:57idea that it was your favorite host
21:59don't go for your drink right after
22:00that my cat he goes who's your
22:02favorite host he's trying to do your
22:03job exactly normally do you in a
22:06second um my favorite host you know
22:09they all mean something different let
22:11me tell you something i'll tell you a
22:12story about this hat do you go to
22:13commercials yeah i have to go to
22:15commercial i see some signs you want to
22:16do it now we'll be back oh yeah and
22:19we'll talk about my hair hat when i get
22:21back we'll be back if we mop ourselves
22:30we are back with the only david spade
22:33yeah now we uh we uh all noticed your
22:36hat the k-mart hat you know i got it
22:39we ended a little birdie told me there's a
22:40story no i i um went out with this uh
22:46young lady friend for lunch that i was
22:48at asking out for about a year and i'll
22:51tell you this if you are asking someone
22:53out for a year and you manage to squeeze
22:55like two lunches out of the deal you're
22:56fucking dead in the water like you know
22:59it but you just take it you think you
23:00might gain some ground but it's you're
23:02done so you know eight months in we get
23:05some shitty lunch so i go sure but i want
23:11to brag of course and try to cram all my
23:13accolades or things into one lunch to try
23:15to survive another day
23:18cram his accolade
23:22karnak
23:24so i don't know if that's how karnak works
23:27oh
23:28il segundo so i grab my head on my car
23:34and she comes in and i'm like like
23:36trying to act like people like i want
23:38them to know who i am but i act like i
23:40don't and then uh she was everyone
23:43staring and i go this is just the drill
23:45you know sort of with a get used to it
23:47attitude
23:48and then she she's like cool hat i'm
23:52like right i got funny story actually i
23:55was doing this thing at k-mart for
23:57grown-ups to worldwide smash and um but i
24:02go before you know i was assigned this
24:05k-mart gig because i'm sure sandler just
24:07pointed and you do this one so i go
24:10right so i go there and then i go i'll
24:12just wear a k-mart hat just tell them to
24:14give me one of their hats and they go
24:15they don't have them but they'll make
24:17you one
24:18so i want them going and they didn't have
24:20it then but like a week later i got a
24:21box of three hats and i go k-mart should
24:24make hats because uh it's a cool logo you
24:27know so i'm like basically the moral of the
24:29story was i was in a hit movie and i
24:32k-mart made me a hat they usually like
24:34the take-home parts you know like the
24:36cool parts so we go into the sushi
24:39place and they go take off your hat and
24:41i go like this and the lady looks at
24:43and it says grown-ups too it's not even
24:46my k-mart hat so i got a grown-ups too
24:48hat as a joke and i'm wearing it says
24:50grown-ups too and that's when everyone's
24:52looking at me and so she's not tracking
24:54my story at all she's like right like
24:56it has nothing i'm like what are you
24:57talking about k-mart for so i go oh
24:59ah no i was just yeah i was like what the
25:02fuck are you talking about dude she's
25:03like anyway i think it's the fake call
25:05oh shit a bunch of my friends have aids
25:07i gotta go and i'm like what right now
25:09they do they all got and she's like i
25:11don't know i better get the deets i
25:13gotta get out of here and find out you
25:14can't let these things sit so i was like
25:17uh so i sat there i'm like add a mommy
25:19in my mouth growing up's hat i have to
25:22wear it now it's on the table i don't
25:24know where it's worse laying around
25:26remember when you'd bring girls home
25:28you have a little trip wire in your
25:29apartment yeah yeah and it was uh my
25:32hbo special yeah oh my god who's that
25:35that's fucking me is that on they're like
25:38ow it cut my leg i go ah i gotta work on
25:40that it's supposed to be very hair
25:43trigger because you wanted to ask
25:44questions about getting girls oh yeah i
25:47i have zero game and i don't i just
25:49don't have any tips oh tips no um i found
25:54that i had zero game until you know
25:56got on the show i think that's really
25:59ninety-five percent of it so so i'm
26:01fucked yeah no this counts as something
26:04doesn't it it really doesn't everyone
26:06has youtube well what about that story
26:08you told me to tell david that story
26:11that happened last just only last night
26:12with tinder oh it's a few nights ago
26:15uh are you familiar with the tinder app
26:17sure yeah sure so i'm on there
26:19god look at you huh i like when he goes
26:22are you familiar with the tinder app it's like ted levine
26:26everybody says that i do i sound a lot like buffalo bill
26:32that's good though well when you're talking about perverted things it sounds worse
26:36are you familiar with dating sites i'm like oh i'm not on one sir but maybe just give me your
26:45number then
26:47okay so you were on there going like this yeah so i'm on there i match with this one girl
26:52she's like
26:53young and very attractive i'm a four too
26:59any fours out there
27:02and i figure i'm getting catfish because she's really hot and then we start talking
27:06she's immediately she's texting me at like 4 a.m and i'm like oh you know what's going on
27:10she's like oh i'm bored and i wish i had some weed we you want to come over and i'm
27:14like
27:14yeah sure she's sending pictures of her oh maybe you know maybe we'll have fun and like and i'm like
27:19and so at this point my pictures it was like her bent over with no you know clothes on and
27:24stuff
27:24and i'm like so but at this point my cock's making the decisions
27:29anyway tell me and so i i call my friend and then no and then she's like yeah just can
27:34you bring a c
27:35note well i have a roommate a hundred dollar bill and we'll and we'll go get some weed and you
27:40can
27:41come on i'm like yeah am i getting mugged i call my friend he said put put the phone number
27:46into facebook and you can see who the person is yes so i put the phone number into facebook
27:51and the profile comes up it's this black guy in a ski mask in all the pictures
27:58so i yeah yeah as a matter of fact i don't know how i knew his black is wearing a
28:02ski mask
28:03well you can tell so i so i head over there no you can tell i know no um so
28:11i did not go
28:11donald sterling yeah shades of yeah so ski mask so he's on his way to rob something is that your
28:18story yeah i mean that's the end of the story no i like that you guys right so on his
28:22facebook
28:23look he wore a ski mask you know neil armstrong on his facebook no no
28:34five guys on it just get their numbers so now that's good so no you didn't phone this dude or
28:41what happened no no was the weed good i don't know what happened uh that is scary bring a c
28:47know you think he'd rob you for a little after all that rigmarole exactly and i don't understand
28:51either he gives me an address so i don't understand how that works when you just call
28:54like i was at this address and the guy robbed me yeah i don't know and on his facebook he's
29:01holding
29:01up a liquor store that's his picture here's a question from live and learn 102 is it true
29:11you were in a sketch that only made it to dress but you had to wear a bear costume but
29:17the bear
29:18costume smelled like cum and you wouldn't wear it so they had to cancel the sketch c-u-m yeah
29:24i got
29:25it um is that an urban legend yeah i don't even think it's an urban legend i've never heard it
29:32in my
29:32life maybe live and learn is to try to start an urban legend i'll tell i'm gonna read these ahead
29:38no
29:38let me tell live and learn a story okay less embarrassing and less cum soaked this story which
29:44i don't know why i had to get so seedy on your show no pun intended he's your friend dude
29:52so i i'm
29:55trying to pick up the pace i was sometimes i go like and stuff it doesn't you have a band
30:02they're very
30:03quiet is there a band here can you trade him for a man um oh sorry drenched i could trade
30:12him for a
30:12willy stargel card
30:18let's trade him for a bicentennial quarter in okay condition
30:22uh i used to collect coins that's not a great conditioning good very good you used to collect
30:28coins you were a brilliantly uncirculated what do you call a person who collects coins is it a
30:33nerd i collected coins that is young also coins and stamps i had a 1916 d mercury time well really
30:42in very good condition what was it worth dollar i sold for 120 120 dollars back then i was wow
30:49would be worth more now listen so here's a stupid thousand percent do you remember this they did
30:54when ross perot was starting to come on the scene clinton was done by phil and dana did bush so
30:59i
30:59go hey smile i should do ross perot yeah i'm a little squirrely asshole and this guy's funny to play
31:05be an easy kind of a voice to get i was trying to think of dana for that i'm like
31:09but dana's doing
31:10bush yeah i was like when will it be enough for dana yeah so i get a call about they're
31:15doing a
31:15presidential special on prime time the debates bush yeah perot and clinton i get the call
31:27oh need somebody like yeah can you play pro i go great 45 minutes of makeup we all walk out
31:36you know phil does clinton dana does bush they cut to me i'm looking at the cue cards they go
31:41cut all
31:42out let's get dana into the profit oh oh my god i was used for the wide shot oh good
31:48gosh humiliation
31:54that is something yeah wow i left with my tail between my legs yeah embarrassing i don't know why
32:02i'm telling you one of these sad stories cooler than you 22 s you're in vegas a lot these days
32:08yeah
32:09what's your biggest vice there i don't do as much i don't gamble really sometimes they offer to pay
32:16you in chips yes they read that happen sure of course you're a good gambler though used to be
32:22used to you know a funny story about you gambling is no do you want me to tell it i
32:26don't know what
32:27it is at snl when they give you the limo to go to the party you'd go to atlantic
32:31for you no one's like where is he and then uh because the driver would always be like i'm
32:38paid for this you'd have to sit outside of trump for two days
32:43you go yeah the party's at trump and so that's not even the funny part the funny part is you
32:48go
32:48i have 15 grand i'm up it's in my fridge and ships and i'm nervous
32:52and i go great and the next week you how would you go back you i'm at 90 i go
32:59i had a lot of chips in my fridge just buy a porsche 911 you'll have something
33:05anyway no no no that's not how you do it next week i'm at 75 i go oh shit the
33:11next week i'm at 10.
33:14that's the most predictable story and you're all the chips in your fridge you said i don't know what
33:18to do though i'm scared yeah because you can only cash in you can only cash in 10 000 at
33:22a time or
33:23do they report it over 10 or something reported over 10. they've always done that that's really
33:28they should raise it but you know you also can't take more than 10 000 on an airplane with you
33:33for
33:34some reason fuck so uh and that's what are me and money mayweather going to do yeah we have a
33:40backpack of a million dollars at all times so you don't so so you're not going to say what your
33:46biggest one is donald sterling over here is biting his tongue on that one he really wants to chime
33:51in this never came out before he's a virulent anti-semite that's come out on the show
33:59he had a bar mitzvah but there's never anything about a virulent well he's a holocaust denier
34:07but we've never heard his view on african-americans until this very show that's interesting that
34:13you got that out of plenty of plenty of black friends dated a black woman for for months
34:19um no i'm not a i'm not a racist donald sterling dated a black woman ish yeah what ish he
34:29said
34:29today to hear she said she's nice girl he did so put that to rest yeah really he said she's
34:34a nice
34:35girl i don't know why i like what time of the sword is it i don't wish there any bad
34:38luck but i hope
34:39she could sit by her car about the girl yeah but sort of said that he said he's been friends
34:44with
34:44sterling for 30 years all right my son dylan does you know my son dylan i was about to say
34:49are we
34:49getting the phones out well dylan during the break i i oh yeah he said any questions for me sure
34:55yeah
34:56so i remember dylan as a kid i don't i haven't seen him lately but i know he's a big
34:59uh studly dude now
35:00he's a good boy he plays a lot of basketball and he does uh comedy he's a little sketch troupe
35:06so
35:07does carby's kid yeah yeah gosh if they got together my son could uh could be a stand-in
35:14uh he said i said i'm interviewing david spade do you have a question he says that's really cool
35:19i do not off the top of my head
35:25no that's not insulting no he knows you and he loves you he played baseball basketball with you
35:32in your front lawn here's a question from coke or leprosy number three two two
35:39you have a sensitivity to light manfred mann's song blinded by the light deals with this issue
35:47but why does the ending of that song have to be so different from the rest of the song
35:51and forgetting for being such a wisp why so frightening at the end the rest of the song is happy
35:58and he says racked up like a deuce another runner in the night but i said douche but he makes
36:03it sound
36:04like douche yeah that's what he says in there yeah why does he make it sound like douche and why
36:08is it
36:08frightening at the end i mean douche is easy to have any meaning to you
36:12fuck it's a ten-parter um maybe we should get manfred mann on the phone
36:18i like to call a lifeline um so well we have to break this into parts i mostly he's asking
36:26you
36:26i during uh black sheep had too many lights when i was one time and i had to go home
36:30because it was
36:31like did something so oh is that where ever since then yeah it's been hard to get a lot of
36:35light
36:36but i have all these ailments and problems no one wants to hear them they're boring
36:40uh coke or leprosy he's a delicate what is coke or leprosy i always thought
36:44david was a delicate soul yeah i am it's sad and i also thought farley was such a powerful man
36:49that it would it would not be he that went first oh my god got a little dark but on
36:56the other hand
36:57sometimes being delicate it makes you take care of yourself more yeah i was i was always sort of
37:03a little more boring and do you even stand a massage would a massage be too much for you
37:10um no i can take it oh you can take a massage i go like this
37:15that's the universal sign i didn't say anything
37:26one time i had this girl
37:29i met her at a charity and she was like i do i'm a seuss whatever whatever so i stayed
37:35at this hotel
37:36and let's see how far i can get out of this no i can't no no well the just the
37:41skimming part was
37:42she was super normal but when she's doing it she starts putting my feet in her mouth
37:47i didn't know what's going on i didn't want to say anything oh my god and then i go i
37:52don't know
37:53she goes no i like this i go okay oh i don't whatever i'm the customer too but it was
38:00so she's
38:01like this going i'm like i'm paying you she liked it yeah i was like what should i like yeah
38:09really she
38:10was not like that yeah so yeah he was telling me a question he was saying he likes to uh
38:17huh take a
38:19girl and then he says he'll lick my thumb oh boy like while he's having sex from behind lick my
38:26thumb
38:26and i'll put it in your asshole yeah but then you know what he does he goes take the dry
38:34one yeah
38:47it's horrible zombie king 78 asks oh god back to these killer you went to sagara high school in
38:55scottsdale the same place as sandra bernhardt yeah you aware of that are all cigar graduates as
39:02bitchy as you two no they said i like those guys i did see uh you ever meet sandra bernhardt
39:09i saw
39:09her when i started stand up at the lax the funny you remember these things lax carousel for the baggage
39:15and i go i'm from saguaro too saguaro is how you say it yeah and uh she's on yeah i
39:24went there i'm
39:24doing stand-up too she was cool yeah she's aloof huh a little chilly charismatic no no
39:32um what about paul mooney do you ever meet him uh yeah yeah he's not from there no no but
39:40did you
39:40ever meet him oh boy do you find paul mooney she wants to go on a break charlie kaufman asks
39:49hysterical
39:50she wants to go on a break we're going to break he's very funny now we've got a break paul
39:55mooney
39:55very funny considered very funny by david spade and myself do you like paul you work at the famous
40:02world famous comedy store with the one here argus hamilton yeah you're familiar with argus
40:08hamilton did you ever do the comedy soon i'll tell you when we come back when we come back more
40:13with
40:14david i think you did the improv it's like jury duty back yeah there we go with david spade
40:25tell us about byron allen no i'll tell you about my comedy store yeah tell us what so when i
40:31came
40:32out to do stand-up yeah you came from from arizona scottsdale arizona yeah so i came out and i
40:39did the
40:39gig with the funny boys uh comedy team in uh san diego improv the funny boys consisted of jim um
40:46vali vali vali jonathan schmont they were very good so they said why don't you come to l.a and
40:51audition and stuff so i stayed on their couch louie anderson who i met said i'll get you at the
40:57comedy store and they'll get me on audition at the improv so i go to the comedy store in exchange
41:02for
41:03i'm sorry so i uh we're skimming over some stuff so i go there and i'm about to go on
41:13my little
41:13six-minute set for mitzi shore and then i have a really bad headache so back then i took these
41:19two
41:19like buffering or something ancient you know like non-slick like dry like anison and i'm like this
41:26i have the bottom of my greyhound or whatever i was drinking i'm like this
41:29then i go it was mostly ice and i'm like so they got caught one got caught so i then
41:38you can taste
41:39it yeah and so i go it's burning all then i go now it's up in my sinuses somehow and
41:44i'm like
41:45so i have my headaches thousand times worse and i go get water and it can't come out and then
41:48i like
41:49hawk it out somehow like it does like a circle i don't know where it came from and i'm like
41:54oh my god
41:55so then they go ready for you this is the only five minutes of my life i wasn't thinking about
42:00my hack i was like trying to live and i go oh wait i gotta go on yeah so i
42:05go in there i'm like
42:06yada da and then he walks out after he goes shenanoline i can't remember what i guess she passed i
42:13was like
42:14he's like so uh
42:19the consolation prize no he goes rob schneider ran around my house in his underpants
42:24i don't know it's funny i tell him your story about the louis you have one story you have one
42:30story he came by the stories we'll let it out everyone we'll let it out does he come in it's
42:34hot
42:35in here we'll let it is hot in here all right whatever that was your story ewok 94 your hollywood
42:40minute must have made some celebrities mad at any of them ever come to you at a restaurant throw a
42:44fancy cocktail in your face that's a ridiculous question this is kind of a general question
42:51tyler kane writes what is wrong with people
42:58what's right with them you had a good question for me today what's for sure oh yeah that was a
43:05good
43:05question what do you know for sure you know did that make it it didn't make it it did and
43:09i said nothing
43:10i guess you got the right answer chuck the kid says i like your look lately the small beard and
43:15mustache with the sweep of hair reminds me of a musketeer yeah that's what i'm going for that's a
43:21good look like a mousketeer no musketeer is i comb my hair because i realized that i had the same
43:27hair for like 20 years so now i'm only five years back in my hairstyles instead of 20. my god
43:34you look
43:34young though i look all right very young i was weird i was saying on the way over here i
43:38remember
43:39the old baby you did where you showed the picture of macaulay culkin and yeah and i thought it was
43:42funny how you age very nice and macaulay oh macaulay laughed me great yeah he really did well he's
43:50into some crazy stuff do you have a picture up in the attic tell the truth a lot of him
43:57dorian gray
44:00um i don't know what that means beefy jerk says this next uh what's the playboy mansion's policy
44:05on whipping out your cock that's a good uh i don't think it's that's a good question i don't think
44:12it's
44:12i don't know uh do you ever go to the playboy no i wouldn't you know i see people like
44:16at the
44:17rainbow or something you see these guys in there oh yeah i rock but i always see you at the
44:21mansion
44:23i went there once eight years ago and before that was like six before that here always the
44:28fucking mansion dude i'm always up to i see you it's not much of a place is it you were
44:34in an
44:34episode sausage king says of baywatch is a guy named bj what's it like to be the one bj you
44:41didn't
44:41want to see on the program i don't think my name was bj which kills this question but i was
44:46surfer number
44:47two oh your name wasn't bj bj was the main bad guy and i think i was surfer number two
44:53did you have that somewhere the bay watch yeah you know i did it the week i remember before i
45:01did
45:01the hbo young comedian special because i was super white blonde that was a good special you should get
45:07that special yeah you see my new one yet or no i have not seen it but i've seen you
45:11perform live at
45:12the empire dennis miller hosted it was david it was drake saether yeah it was warren thomas oh
45:19man it was uh jank carrom freddy stoller jank carrom freddy stoller oh and freddy so it was a great
45:26great comedian um oh so it must have been a while ago from loroy and gary indiana i guess we're
45:31talking
45:31about something else yo david i gots to know how you getting all that crazy ass you gotta save some
45:37that motherfucking shit for a brother huh this guy black i don't know he's black well the way you
45:42sold the uh question uh no it slowed down but i did have a decent run but it's over we're
45:49gonna do
45:49jokes these questions are stupid i should have just asked questions that i thought of myself can i take
45:54my gift bag home thanks me on the norm show this this is pen oh that's actually my
46:02that's funny do you want to do some jokes david fuck something else
46:11here's a a very um what do you call it when a joke is just ripped from today's headlines
46:17we have to explain around the job topical topical after being drafted in the seventh round by the
46:23rams michael sam kissed his boyfriend the celebration didn't end there because on espn2 there was a full
46:31insertion this is a joke yeah these are jokes on these cards oh okay explain uh it's time for this
46:37week's this week i learned adam there's a thing we do this week i learned uh this week i learned
46:46that
46:46that come tastes like nickels oh this is that true that come tastes like nickels yeah that's funny
46:56is that what it says that's what it says this week i learned how many gallons of sweat my kmart
47:01hat can
47:02hold jesus christ but you know people are watching that that that envy the heat you know from all across
47:12this this nation oh god yeah it sounds like when i was in arizona i hate that this is interesting
47:17a
47:17study has found that the average high school prom gore now spends one thousand dollars or two thousand
47:23if you count the abortion
47:28have you ever been with a girl that had an abortion sir
47:34this guy goes in and they go hey 10th one's free hit his card
47:38i do have a lot of abortions under your belt
47:47there's a joke for you a westchester parking enforcement officer stole 89 000 in quarters
47:54how much laundry does this guy need to do no this is a good performing joke
48:01the man behind the voice of tony the tiger sadly the man behind the voice of tony the tiger died
48:07at
48:0764. his last words i don't feel great i gave it something yeah are these left over when you did
48:16oh boy two strangers were arrested for having sex on a plane how about that huh you know who i
48:25feel
48:25sorry for the guy in the middle seat this saves it
48:33do you like american idol sure okay
48:37no i don't like it then do the joke oh here's a here's a good one are these in the
48:43audience they
48:43write them and they did you read them did you write them for the audience it's true no neil patrick
48:50harris posed posed posed nude for the cover of rolling stone this is a true story neil patrick
48:55harris posed nude for am i giving you reading it wrong no just saying it's a true story neil patrick
49:00harris posed nude for the cover of rolling stone except for a hat hanging off his wiener and this
49:05morning adam egat oh is that your name if i can change it is it and this morning adam woke
49:12up and said hey
49:13where's my hat it's on his dick go get it i bet neil patrick harris fucking shoved his cock deep
49:24up his
49:24asshole oh my god but he probably couldn't even get it hard because look at him so he had to
49:32like
49:33cram it in like you ever have to cram it in or no he probably it's a lot of work
49:37yeah sometimes it's
49:39not worth the anal side we are living in a we are living in a golden age i go can
49:46we just tell
49:46people we went in the behind and we don't have to really do it the behind i'm trying to clean
49:51up
49:51your fucking show we're living in a golden age of adam masturbating to interracial granny porn
49:59who told you that one i'm confident so it's fine you ever see that it's a real good foil
50:04it's like anything have you ever gone on porn and then something shows up you don't want to see
50:10yeah gaping gaping exactly you know what i do you know it's funny mother-daughter porn oh yeah because
50:17the guy is like a hot 18 year old and then you got like an older like cougar and then
50:23that chick's doing it the guy's all excited and then she goes get off and he's like no
50:30he's kind of like and he's pulling the other one back by her foot and she's like 300 up front
50:34and then it's like yeah you like that shit not bad for 57. he's like 50s you're a
50:40fucking cougar i thought let's talk to the union about putting some parameters on this
50:45fucking word cougar jesus you old hag get this he's always darting back to the fake daughter going
50:53he's like i can't move her she's too sturdy he's like oh this is how you do it sissy
51:01that's disgusting
51:05true what was the website called again i think it's it's just mother-daughter born i don't know if there's
51:10a particular site one night i saw there was a porno and then it was funny because it was like
51:16a true
51:16moment all of a sudden in the porno the guy was eating it was behind the girl and she was
51:20like
51:20standing up and he was eating out her ass pull
51:26and then she says she's like yeah eat out that asshole eat out that asshole and she's
51:31then she's like come on eat it out that's the best you can do and then the guy was
51:37he was like shocked then he went back to him and he was like first of all how much technique
51:42can
51:43there be involved you're back there you won like someone's licking your ass just be happy you know what
51:49kind of porn this guy enjoys the best so we covered it yeah cuckold porn oh he stands there
51:55and watches someone fuck his girl yeah someone of a different race is it always a is that what it
51:58means traditionally yeah traditionally i didn't know i didn't well why did you get that boy i don't know it
52:07it scares me at times sometimes it's comforting but i i didn't know what cuckold man i just click on
52:14it
52:15what's this one
52:18okay i get it i don't like that gaping stuff no no good
52:23by the way i think searches that into the search bar
52:25old people say porno like us and everyone else is porn do you think that's true oh that makes sense
52:31yeah
52:31what about that rock told me i was talking about reality tv he said it's called tv
52:38says only old people call it reality is that right
52:42only people only all people call them reality shows they're god show
52:47look at this one about the mass the great big story 15 minutes
52:55i skipped the black mass forget that one i skipped the black mass that devil no no forget that one
53:02forget that one am i reading that one you know george clooney is engaged how about that huh he and
53:09you were sort of the the modern day huh read that one oh this one you like this one he'll
53:17like it he'll
53:18like it he should read it uh dr dre announced that he's the first hip-hop billionaire a regular
53:24j-paul ghetto
53:34well here's actually a joke about donald sterling okay
53:38all the charities that donald sterling donated millions of dollars to are giving the money back
53:42to him well that'll show them
53:46it's not bad
53:49oh what happened with this a pit bull
53:52what is it to stop a pit bull attacking her daughter a texas man bit the dog well that's
53:59an interesting story a man bites a dog man it's not what i would call news
54:06man man bites dog yeah used to be dog bites man man yeah is that the joke yeah
54:14i don't get this i don't get it do you do you write these for real
54:19these come from the youtube subscribers or whatever oh you know the search for the malaysian airlines did
54:27you hear about the latest
54:28i heard it was missing yeah well did you hear about the latest no here it's on this car
54:36the search continues in related news a plane was spotted by some caveman in the year 365 bc
54:44i don't totally get it back in time this is the final joke in my hand thank god are we
54:49in the wrap
54:49up i hold the final joke please except make some calls thank you for being with us david and you
54:56look
54:57great i do yes to me i mean i'm quite shocked actually by it i mean i see david but
55:03no because i got skinnier because i ate vegetables yeah snl i eat pizza and fat stuff
55:08and i got pasty and girl you look young though doesn't he look young that's strong i mean i see
55:14him
55:14a lot all the time but for some reason it struck me today the same how how old you know
55:20i think i'm
55:21saying maybe just russell crowe no i just i just hit a huge number i don't let's not talk about
55:27it
55:27yeah it's more 50 50 years old um but here nine more years i'll be there hey hold in my
55:35hand he's
55:36young but his cock doesn't work uh in my hand i hold no less the final joke okay and then
55:46we fade to
55:46black david back up so thank you for being with us i like that people have headsets on here like
55:51this is some sort of real show that's pretty cool good this is usually where do you think this is
55:56a
55:56top ten show thank you david spade and then everyone and the crew sort of applause okay
56:02read your last joke no they they usually should have done it by now
56:08i like that you can hear the crew they're interactive yeah that's good here it is so thank you for
56:13being
56:13with us would you like to have any parting words any parting words me for for david for david oh
56:18yeah
56:18thanks for being here okay do you want to say it in your regular voice uh you mean my a
56:24more buffalo
56:24bill thanks for being here like that the final joke screwing on me from david spade a man in chipita
56:34a man in chipita did you help me like a man in chipita allowed a hyena to eat his penis
56:43after being told by a witch doctor it would help him become rich is it me or does it sound
56:47like
56:47that hyena and witch doctor were in cahoots that's pretty i'm glad you saved that for that david spade
56:56yeah can you get my things guys thank you
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