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00:00My name's Mike Rowe, and this is my job.
00:08I explore the country looking for people who aren't afraid to get dirty.
00:12Take a little eye at it.
00:13If the cream's in your mouth, it's played.
00:15Yeah, yeah.
00:16Okay, that's played.
00:19Hard-working men and women who earn an honest living.
00:22You're on her belly, you're losing the eggs.
00:24Holy moly.
00:25Doing the kinds of jobs that make civilized life possible for the rest of us.
00:29Perfect.
00:31There, now it's perfect.
00:33Now get ready to get dirty.
00:40That's just awesome.
00:45Coming up on a special edition of Dirty Jobs.
00:48We dredge up a pile of stinky new footage.
00:54Dirty little bits of behind-the-scenes stupidity.
00:57I am so scared.
01:01Scraped off the edit room floor.
01:04Good job.
01:06Behold, magnificent moments of athletic agility.
01:11Human dignity.
01:12Doug and I are going to **** our pants. You want to join us?
01:14Can I say that out loud?
01:15And musical genius.
01:16Woo-wee!
01:17Ah!
01:18It's 99.9% new and 100% classy.
01:25Excuse me.
01:28Oh, God.
01:29Dirty jobs.
01:31No one can't just see.
01:32Ah!
01:33Ah!
01:34Ah!
01:34It's a baby job.
01:37It's a baby job.
01:37Ah!
01:39Ah!
01:41Ah!
01:41Ah!
01:41Ah!
01:41Ah!
01:41Ah!
01:43Ah!
01:43Ah!
01:52Ah!
01:53Ah!
01:54Ah!
01:55Let's hear it for the assist.
01:56Ah, tonight's show is unlike most episodes of Dirty Jobs.
01:59Ah!
01:59It's not very good.
02:00Ah, and by not very good, I don't mean it's a, I don't mean it's not entertaining.
02:04I just watched the program laughed myself sick.
02:06I'm just saying there's no, ah,n ways of production value.
02:10Ah!
02:10There''s no plot.
02:11There are no new characters.
02:13This is just the stuff That you normally see at the very end of the show when the credits rolling.
02:17Every week, somebody writes in and says, hey, can we see more of that?
02:20Well, tonight, that's all you're going to see.
02:21And I'm going to shoot most of it on this $90 camera.
02:24I mean, you've got a $90,000 camera right there.
02:27But frankly, given the spirit of the show, I think I just look fine on a $90 camera.
02:33See, normally I'd do that whole takeover again, but I'm not now.
02:36Because that's how we roll.
02:37It's a dirty little bit, this is act one.
02:39Do you like sausage?
02:42You don't eat sausage?
02:43Yes, I do.
02:44Do you like it?
02:45Yes.
02:45Well, that's what TV is like.
02:47It's fun to watch, but it's not much fun to make.
02:54And one day when you make sausage, you'll know what I'm talking about.
02:57Oh, yeah.
02:59Oh, yeah.
03:00So you want to be in showbiz?
03:03Sure you do.
03:04Sure you do.
03:06It's complicated, man.
03:08Complicated.
03:08A lot of stuff going on.
03:09A lot of stuff going on.
03:10No, we don't need that, actually.
03:12Oh, good.
03:13This is how we do it in the industry.
03:16I sound like I got hit in the throat with a lacrosse ball.
03:21That happened to me once in the 10th grade.
03:23It was terrible.
03:26People ask me lots of questions these days.
03:29They'll say things like, God, bless America.
03:32I've learned that it really is possible to work really, really hard and not remember the rest of my lives.
03:41That is unfortunate.
03:42So, see, what I'm doing is I'm working hard and stupid.
03:45Hard and stupid.
03:46How am I going to get this to the editors that are ever going to see this?
03:49We want to use this break in the story right before the expression of the anal glands, not the shaving
03:57of the genitals.
03:59Surely we're going to get Emmys for that.
04:01I'm never going to be ready.
04:03Good God, I hate television.
04:05I mean, just endless takes.
04:08Don't use that last take.
04:11We're changing a fundamental copy point.
04:13Let's all just pretend it never happens.
04:16If they understand that, they're...
04:18I don't even know what I'm doing anymore.
04:20Just to be clear, I really do work on the show.
04:23You do?
04:24You work very hard.
04:25I sweat.
04:25And I'm really...
04:27Everybody works on it.
04:28Amazed at how hard the crew works.
04:29God, and Dave, and Chris.
04:31Really?
04:31You have some hard workers.
04:33It just seems like it would be much simpler.
04:35It does, doesn't it?
04:37It seems like it could be a lot simpler.
04:40So what's happening now is we're doing a show about Pierre Daves or Paradaves or Paradaves.
04:49And we're about to shoot the opening stand-up and we realize that none of us really know how to
04:53pronounce the thing we're doing a show about.
04:55So now in the interest of accuracy, Dave's pressing some things on his pocket device here.
05:00Hey, Tim.
05:01How do you pronounce these creatures?
05:03Pierre Dave?
05:04Pierre Dave.
05:06David?
05:08See what I mean?
05:09It's incredibly complicated.
05:10Pierre David.
05:11All right.
05:12P-E-R-E.
05:13David Deer.
05:14Pierre Dave.
05:15P-I-E.
05:16In shine.
05:16No.
05:17P-E-R-E.
05:18They have a slash over the top and they're kind of little thing.
05:20Well, it says...
05:21Pierre.
05:21Yeah.
05:22Yeah, but there's no I.
05:24No one is the Milo in China.
05:2620 minutes.
05:27Pinyon China.
05:2720 minutes.
05:28Just trying to figure out how to pronounce the name of this creature.
05:30Pierre?
05:31David.
05:31Or Pierre.
05:32It's Pierre.
05:34Pierre.
05:34No, it's not Pierre.
05:35It's Pierre.
05:37Seriously.
05:37Pierre David.
05:38That's the way you put that little thingy in the French.
05:41No, no.
05:42Pierre David is how you pronounce it.
05:44Pierre.
05:44Pierre David.
05:45Yeah, not Pierre.
05:46Pierre.
05:47This is how it happens.
05:48TV getting made right in front of you.
05:50So, I think you're right here again?
05:52I could be here again.
05:53Or you can be leaning against that.
05:56Grab a brick.
05:57Someone search me quickly.
05:59Pretend like this right here is a wall.
06:00You can't get beyond it.
06:02You can lean on it.
06:02You can do whatever you want.
06:03Just don't move over here.
06:04Don't tell me to pretend.
06:05Just tell me where to go and I'll do better.
06:08Yeah, I told you three times when you keep doing it.
06:09Okay, I'm not your kid, all right?
06:10I'm not a two-year-old.
06:11All right?
06:12Don't give me pretend walls and little projects.
06:14But what about your bottom line?
06:15For that matter...
06:21Use that one, would you?
06:22Be grateful.
06:23Much obliged.
06:25Huxley said the greatest threats to freedom were total efficiency.
06:31That's not what he said.
06:33He didn't say that.
06:34He didn't say it.
06:36Huxley said that aside from total anarchy,
06:39the greatest threats to total freedom were total efficiency.
06:48Shut up.
06:49Number nine.
06:50Come on.
06:51Number nine.
06:53In a world where efficiency was the ultimate model,
06:56we'd eventually be run by technology and machines,
06:59and, well, ultimately, our jobs would be done by robots.
07:03So, I thought that was interesting.
07:11Wow.
07:12This is me slowly unraveling.
07:14Double digits.
07:16Double digits.
07:17Then, eventually, we'd be living in a world that's run by technology and machines.
07:21Jobs would be basically done by robots.
07:24So, as long as you...
07:28What happened?
07:29I don't know, man.
07:31I really need some coffee,
07:32and the smell of this is just making me want to vomit in my mouth.
07:36Is it really that bad?
07:38Is that something?
07:39Cute.
07:41I'm starting to think tank one really might sing.
07:45You know that backstage, the actor's magazine?
07:48Yeah.
07:49Yeah?
07:50It lists me as the male prototype.
07:51Somebody to really pattern your career after,
07:53if you're looking to do this kind of work.
07:55Don't let him see any of this tape.
07:57That's pathetic.
07:58What have I done?
08:02It's you two guys.
08:04I don't even know which one of you to talk to.
08:06I like Dan to work with Troy longer.
08:10Dan smiles more, but Troy's camera's bigger.
08:15Dan was here first, but Troy seems more solidly rooted.
08:19Dan shifts around, and Troy's just an anchor.
08:32Troy takes the time to block the shot with his hand,
08:35and Dan doesn't care.
08:36He'll take the flare.
08:37Or did Dan position himself in such a way
08:40as to use the tree to block the flare,
08:43thereby thinking further,
08:44which would compel me to say everything I need to say to Dan,
08:47except for the fact that Troy didn't bother to worry too much about that.
08:51He wanted the best shot he could find,
08:52and then he adjusted for it.
08:53So Troy's posture suggests a certain flexibility,
08:56whereas Dan suggests more of a forethought.
08:59So what's more valuable than a cameraman?
09:02The ability to be flexible in a moment's notice,
09:04or the ability to look ahead and make adjustments?
09:11None of it matters if the guy that's shooting at
09:13doesn't have anything worthwhile to say.
09:16Something to consider, Dan.
09:18Troy.
09:20Dave.
09:21Ira.
09:27I'm going to see if I can run Chris down.
09:29I'm pretty sure I can.
09:33Oh, yeah.
09:36Oh, yeah.
09:38Hey, you guys want to shoot a show?
09:40All righty.
09:42I got a very weird and troubling feeling
09:46about today's events.
10:07All right, when we come back,
10:08some more little bits of random poop
10:10nobody really wants to see.
10:11But first, some gratuitous video art
10:13from the one and only Doug Glover,
10:15who is armed with a GoPro camera.
10:17And there he goes.
10:18And here comes the underwater shot.
10:20Look at that.
10:22And here comes Doug.
10:23He's got to be feeling pretty good about that.
10:25Oh, that's good.
10:27That's production value.
10:30Coming up.
10:31You just can't even shut your mouth long enough
10:33to let the artistry happen.
10:35Does it hurt?
10:36Yes, it hurts.
10:37My battles with that tormenting creature, Dave Barsky.
10:49Well, in spite of the fact that my name
10:50is in the title of this program,
10:52loyal viewers know that it's really all about Barsky.
10:55I'm not exactly sure when that happened,
10:57but there is no doubt this crew
10:58knows how to take care of its leader.
11:01Anyway, the question is,
11:02what happens when Dave ventures out
11:04into areas where even he shouldn't go?
11:06The answer to that, of course, is nothing good,
11:08and we can prove it right now.
11:09Dirty Little Bits, Act 2.
11:11Nice job, Ryan.
11:14Dave likes to position himself in places
11:16he can capture interesting camera angles.
11:19Yeah, pudgy mountain goat.
11:21This takes him to low places.
11:25Did I say that out loud?
11:27It takes him to high places.
11:30But mostly, it takes him to places
11:32where there's a potential for difficulty.
11:37Dave, don't mess that up.
11:40Oh, you scratched the paint.
11:42We're proving, I think,
11:43that knowledge and work can actually
11:48coexist in a symbiotic sort of way.
11:51Yeah.
11:51No.
11:52Yeah.
11:53You're going to want to watch out for that.
11:55Nope.
11:55Yeah.
11:56Yeah, no, that's good.
11:57I'll get you a tag.
11:59If there's a chance to retract
12:00most of what I just said,
12:01I probably will.
12:03There it goes, Barsky.
12:08Down like a cheap card table.
12:10Termite to wood before I stepped on that thing.
12:12Oh, yeah, he just knocked the back
12:13off your 500-year-old antique.
12:16Like that?
12:17No.
12:19What's this do?
12:20Get that helmet wood to the right.
12:23Sorry.
12:25Would it be bad to press this now?
12:27Uh, yeah, probably.
12:31Flambé, Barsky.
12:33You okay?
12:34No, I'm all right.
12:35I feel bad I busted your machine, man.
12:43500 years.
12:45He was in the same machine.
12:47I'll still be able to use it,
12:48just not as effectively.
12:56I've got to get you a jockstrap
12:58or something, dude.
13:00Why?
13:01Why?
13:03Because it's a Christmas special,
13:04and so far,
13:05it's nothing but the frickin'
13:06Oh, my jingle bells.
13:08Yeah, I can't look at that.
13:12A lot of them are smaller than this
13:13and or better clean
13:15so that this won't take as long.
13:17Right, and that's why
13:17the scraping is really helpful.
13:19I'm sorry, I'm just temporarily amazed
13:21by what I'm seeing here.
13:22Excuse me, Troy, I have to get out.
13:29As fascinating as the flesh
13:30coming off the cow is,
13:31this may be more incredible.
13:34Talk about a layer of dust there, too.
13:36Oh, yep.
13:38That's all up.
13:40And that's how that ends.
13:42Are you okay?
13:43Well, part of me isn't.
13:45Oh.
13:48A little...
13:51Could you just do a little number
13:52on your number?
13:55Sorry.
13:56That's good.
13:58Splinter, huh?
14:04Have you started wearing
14:06what we discussed
14:07you should start wearing?
14:09Up.
14:11Underpants.
14:12Oh, yeah.
14:12You made the commitment
14:13to underpants yet?
14:14Are you going commando right now?
14:15Yeah.
14:16That's how he goes.
14:17That's how he goes.
14:17He always...
14:19This is a...
14:21This is a slim fit.
14:23You're good at this point.
14:25What's that mean?
14:26Hey, careful.
14:27Be careful.
14:29I've got big plans for that, will you?
14:30Yeah.
14:31Sure.
14:32All right.
14:32That's where you start.
14:33We have to...
14:33You have to be in action
14:34trying to get it up.
14:38All right.
14:39You good?
14:40Yeah.
14:42Look at my...
14:43Look at my toes.
14:44Look at those two bruises,
14:46each under the same toe.
14:47Does it hurt?
14:48Yes, it hurts!
14:51Crap!
14:53Disgusting.
14:55He's...
14:55He's chronicling the...
14:57Is he hurt?
14:57Oh, you...
15:00Sorry.
15:01What happened?
15:03What happened?
15:04Remember those 48 takes
15:06you did in New Orleans?
15:07Well, I just had my one
15:08for the day.
15:09Little...
15:10What happened?
15:11What happened?
15:13The extent of a sentence
15:14you're capable of
15:14stringing together.
15:15Two words and a question mark.
15:17What happened?
15:18What happened?
15:20Was there a problem?
15:21What happened?
15:22Heartless little...
15:25What happened?
15:26What...
15:27What...
15:27What was that?
15:29Some sort of mistake?
15:30Yeah, two words.
15:32What?
15:33Happened.
15:34Happened, Whit.
15:36When we come back,
15:37here's one damn mistake
15:38after another.
15:41I don't see how you can
15:42get better than that, though.
15:43Well, let me show you.
15:44Oh, you...
15:44Let me...
15:45Let me...
15:47That's all you care about anymore.
15:49Can't hear you that high.
15:51Way too high.
15:52I'm a dicker.
15:53Dear Mike,
15:54what is it that makes
15:55Dave Barsky so patently insane?
15:58Do you think he was abused
15:59as a child?
16:00Or is he just missing
16:01a chromosome?
16:02Oh, well, Vanity,
16:04that's a good question.
16:06Three, two, and...
16:08Waiting for a dog,
16:09and one.
16:11You know how in
16:12It's a Wonderful Life
16:13every time the...
16:14the bell rings
16:16and angel gets his wings?
16:17Well, I don't have any, uh...
16:20bells, but I got these.
16:21These are mealworms.
16:22It's like an angel
16:23getting its wings,
16:25except it's a mealworm
16:26going right in Dave's mouth.
16:30The UPS truck.
16:31Oh, you...
16:34Three, two, one.
16:36Remember that movie,
16:37It's a Wonderful Life?
16:38Wait a minute.
16:39You can't shake the car, either.
16:41You can't shake the car?
16:42Yeah, wake up.
16:44Dude, just act.
16:46Act like you're sleeping.
16:47And act like...
16:48act like nothing can wake you.
16:49Oh, yeah, yeah.
16:50Dude...
16:51I'm gonna wake up.
16:52Fine, wake up.
16:52That's not that funny for us.
16:54Don't wake up, dude.
16:55Three, two, one.
16:58You know that scene
16:59in It's a Wonderful Life
17:00when the bell rings
17:01and the angel, Clarence,
17:03gets his wings?
17:04It's a great scene.
17:05It inspired me.
17:06I don't like...
17:09You don't like what?
17:10It's like you shouldn't
17:10be sleeping up while you're...
17:12Dude, I'm not buying...
17:13I'm not buying your sleeping.
17:15That's not in the script.
17:16So either be awake
17:17or be asleep
17:18and shut up until I get to you.
17:21You're not buying it?
17:22No.
17:23Be awake.
17:24Well, that's lame.
17:25This is perfectly normal.
17:26I remember the last time
17:27I fell asleep on the grill of a car.
17:29It's absolutely normal.
17:30It's...
17:31No, no, dude.
17:31It's totally normal.
17:32You're right.
17:33You know what?
17:34I'd get rid of the bed.
17:35I'd sleep here all the time.
17:36It's perfect.
17:37Sleep on the grill.
17:38It makes more sense.
17:38I just don't want to...
17:39It makes more sense.
17:41That's why I'm doing this.
17:42Then I think you're a fine actor
17:44and I think you're doing a fine job.
17:45Just try a little harder.
17:47Be so asleep
17:48that even the slam of a door
17:49doesn't wake you.
17:50Come on.
17:51Why are you...
17:51Why are you...
17:52I'm simply telling you
17:55I'd rather not.
17:56Why can't you accept it?
17:57This is ridiculous.
17:58It's preposterous.
17:59You would absolutely
18:00question my motivation
18:02in a scene
18:02that I have to carry
18:03in a conscious state
18:05to somehow alter
18:07your comfort level
18:08as an unconscious...
18:10It's outrageous.
18:11The whole scene
18:12doesn't make sense, though.
18:13By the very start,
18:14by the very start,
18:15I'm shaking,
18:15I wake up.
18:16It just wouldn't make sense.
18:18Okay, Dave.
18:19Okay.
18:20I would.
18:20Listen,
18:21as long as you're comfortable,
18:22I'm sure I'll be fine
18:23working this out.
18:25Mike,
18:25it's not about that.
18:27Just tell me
18:27when you're done arguing.
18:29Done arguing, Mike.
18:30Good man.
18:35I still got to shut the door.
18:38That's it.
18:39Three, two, one.
18:41Did you hear that one?
18:42It's not about hearing.
18:43It's me moving.
18:45We're not doing the alarm.
18:47Sit down,
18:48and I won't shut the door.
18:49Sit down,
18:50and I won't shut the door.
18:51Sit down,
18:51and I won't shut the door.
18:52Sit down,
18:53and I won't shut the door.
18:54It's too late.
18:54I won't shut the door.
18:57You can do it.
18:58I'm asleep.
18:59I get it.
19:00I get it.
19:00I've offended
19:01your artistic motivation.
19:02You've made an excellent point,
19:04and I take back
19:04everything I said.
19:05Can we shoot this?
19:07If you'd like to.
19:08Please.
19:11Thank you, Al.
19:11You're okay.
19:20Glasses.
19:22Like a better up top?
19:23Much more believable.
19:24All right.
19:35All right, that's Dave
19:36doing whatever it is he does.
19:37When we come back,
19:38we'll get a look at Doug
19:39and whatever in the world he does.
19:41Still not exactly clear on that.
19:42In the meantime,
19:43I'll leave you with this
19:44troubling little true fact.
19:45This jacuzzi right here,
19:47it's not actually on.
19:53coming up for the first time ever,
19:55Emmy Award-nominated cameraman
19:57Doug Glover
19:58reveals his dirty little secret.
20:00Oh, that's bad news, dude.
20:09Work, work, work, work, work, work, work.
20:13Look at the hardest working crew
20:15in television taking their leisure.
20:18Just makes me feel good
20:20to see them in repose.
20:22God knows they deserve it,
20:23especially this guy, Doug Glover.
20:26You know, look at Doug.
20:27I have no idea
20:28what Doug is listening to right now,
20:31but if Doug had a soundtrack
20:33for his life,
20:34my guess it would be something
20:35along the lines of
20:36You Light Up My Life
20:38with the emphasis on light.
20:40Doug is obsessed with light.
20:41There's never enough light
20:43for Doug, period.
20:44He could be shooting on the sun
20:45and ultimately disappointed
20:46by the lack of light.
20:48We could dedicate an entire show,
20:50not just an act,
20:50maybe a whole franchise
20:51to the dirty little bits
20:53of Doug's life
20:54as reduced down
20:55to the simple chore,
20:57the hope,
20:58the dream
20:58of getting a light.
21:00See, as my hat
21:02just blew off
21:02in the breeze right there,
21:03if Doug weren't listening
21:04to the soundtrack of his life,
21:06he'd be wanting
21:07to light my hat.
21:08And that's a fact.
21:09Dirty Little Bits,
21:10Act 3.
21:12Doug got a new light.
21:15He'd be very excited.
21:18They didn't have
21:19the size he wanted,
21:20but it didn't dissuade him
21:21from going with the one he got,
21:23which is normally used
21:25to light things like
21:26buildings
21:27or big rigs.
21:29You see some films,
21:30don't you?
21:31Yeah.
21:32Yeah.
21:32We're not making films.
21:33Not shows like this.
21:33No.
21:34No.
21:36We're going to light
21:37the s*** out of this show.
21:39Okay.
21:42Mike,
21:42I need to put the
21:43zoom control on for this.
21:44If you could be patient, please.
21:46Have I ever been anything
21:47other than patient?
21:48No.
21:49Sweet,
21:51bleeding s***.
21:51Are you ready to go?
21:53I'm going to be out of office
21:54by the time we start
21:55rolling tape.
21:56I'm going to be impeached.
21:57I need eight more lights.
22:01I don't have any lights.
22:04Doug,
22:04can you reach my wallet?
22:06Just grab 20 bucks for yourself
22:07and let's shoot this s***.
22:08I'm begging you.
22:12Doug,
22:13I'll give you $100
22:14to say go.
22:18You know,
22:18when they told me
22:19I was going to Texas
22:19not long ago
22:20to do a story,
22:21Doug,
22:22what are you grimacing at?
22:23You're doing this,
22:23man.
22:26Doug's got crazy talent,
22:27mad skills.
22:29Unless you ask him to walk
22:30and shoot simultaneously.
22:32In which case,
22:32everything.
22:33It's like the robot
22:34in Lost in Space.
22:36There's a lot of this.
22:37It's pretty bad.
22:37A lot of these.
22:38It speeds up, too.
22:39Look at this.
22:40If you could see,
22:41imagine you're walking
22:42toward a camera,
22:43but what you see
22:44is this whole crazy,
22:47twitchy, palsy thing.
22:48I like it this way.
22:49Look at this.
22:50Locked up in a cage.
22:53See,
22:53this is why
22:53the crew deserves
22:54a vacation.
22:56More than anything else.
22:57Deeper than my boot.
22:58Is it deeper
22:58than your boot?
22:59It is.
23:00That's unfortunate.
23:01Well, fortunately,
23:01you taped them up,
23:02didn't you?
23:02No, no.
23:03Forgot to do that.
23:04Oh, yeah.
23:05They're deep.
23:06My boots are full.
23:10Come on.
23:18That's bad news, dude.
23:19As you can see,
23:20my boots have been taped
23:22because I took the advice
23:23of Raul.
23:24Doug didn't tape his boots,
23:26so Doug is now in a
23:29several hundred pounds
23:30of vomit, it seems,
23:32most of which is leaking
23:33into his boots.
23:35Oh, that is awful.
23:37Woo!
23:39We haven't seen anything
23:40this bad in a while.
23:41This is good.
23:55How's your day?
23:57Awesome.
23:58I'd like to say,
23:59you know,
23:59I'm framed right here.
24:00Just so you know,
24:01I'll be pointing
24:02to these buckets.
24:03I won't see them,
24:04nor will your audience
24:05that you're talking to.
24:06Okay.
24:08I'll lift them up.
24:10I'll lift them up,
24:10you lazy s***.
24:11I can't tilt down
24:12if you guys like it.
24:13No, no, no.
24:13God knows you could
24:14throw a shoulder out.
24:15You could get dizzy.
24:16You could collapse
24:16in a heap of ennui.
24:19Get him, get him,
24:20get him, fastball.
24:20Oh!
24:22All right,
24:22hold that in front again.
24:23Greg, Greg,
24:24hold that in front again.
24:25Ryan, step out.
24:28Walk the light back
24:29just a little bit,
24:30but Greg,
24:30you stay where you are.
24:31He's getting pissed off.
24:33He's getting pissed.
24:35Right there?
24:35A lot of stuff
24:36going on in the bar.
24:38Fancy lights.
24:40He's got TVs that are on.
24:42He's got people
24:42taking pictures.
24:44He's got Barsky
24:44in his ear.
24:46He's getting pissed.
24:47You know what
24:48really gets him?
24:49Pissed.
24:50Watching me drink
24:52when he can't.
24:55Oh, never mind.
24:56Now he's better.
24:58Doug Glover,
24:59ladies and gentlemen.
25:05There he is.
25:06The hint of a smile.
25:07You know why Doug
25:08has a hint of a smile
25:10right now?
25:10Because he loves the light.
25:12His friend Troy
25:13has graciously
25:14taken off his shirt
25:15and stood just so,
25:16thereby capturing
25:17the fleeting light
25:18even as the cloud
25:19goes before the sun,
25:21casting just the right
25:22amount of illumination
25:22onto his friend.
25:25I have to admit,
25:26it looks...
25:30That doesn't look so awful.
25:34Coming up,
25:35in shocking new footage
25:36of Dirty Jobs'
25:37secret animal experiments,
25:39Drap in a camera
25:40with a bloodhound's head.
25:41Something goes terribly wrong.
25:57Now this is very unusual.
25:58That's Marlene
25:59on a trampoline
26:00and that's Charlie
26:00over there.
26:01He's a beagle.
26:02Y'all know Ryan.
26:03His dirty little bits.
26:05I mean,
26:05why wouldn't we put a dog
26:06and a girl
26:06on a trampoline together?
26:07You know?
26:08Animals have played
26:09a huge part
26:10in this series,
26:12in this franchise,
26:12and in this next act,
26:14you'll see them
26:15strike back.
26:16Specifically me.
26:17Can't really blame them.
26:23That's funny.
26:24You're having too much fun.
26:26Look at that.
26:27That's the flattest foot
26:28in the world.
26:28That is a convex foot
26:30right there.
26:31That foot is the envy
26:32of a penguin.
26:35Three, two, one.
26:36Yeah, you might be
26:37dressed better than me,
26:38but you got some poo
26:38on your tux.
26:40Just so you know.
26:42Welcome back, everybody.
26:43This is Jimmy.
26:44Wait a minute.
26:44I'm sorry.
26:45This is the top
26:45of the act, right?
26:48Oh.
26:49You're done, man.
26:50Sure.
26:52Oh, that's a good one.
26:54They're penguins, Mike.
26:55Don't worry about the penguins.
26:57Just get the penguin pet.
26:58Stop talking.
26:59Stop talking.
26:59It'll be fun.
27:00Stop talking.
27:01Penguins are sweet.
27:03Penguins are fun.
27:04Ow.
27:05F***.
27:07Oh!
27:08Put the penguin in your lap.
27:09Yeah, commune with the penguin.
27:13Jumping.
27:15It's good.
27:16Which dog do we have?
27:17Tucker.
27:18Tucker.
27:19Tucker, okay.
27:19Is he being cooperative?
27:20Oh, he's doing good,
27:21but the camera's not being quick, bro.
27:23Well, that tape's not going to hold.
27:25Well, I can tell you right now,
27:26you're going to probably work.
27:29We may have turned a corner
27:30in our hopeless quest for us.
27:32And be careful.
27:33Cinematic optimism.
27:35I don't know.
27:36I mean, I mean, uh...
27:38He's going to point it on.
27:39Okay.
27:39It's okay with that,
27:40but I'm okay with that.
27:41It's okay.
27:42Drafting a camera
27:42with bloodhound's head.
27:44If it bothers a dog at all,
27:46we're going to take it off of him,
27:47so we're not going to do anything
27:49to injure this dog whatsoever.
27:51Well, I'm not worried about injuring him.
27:53I just hate to seem humiliated.
27:56At some point,
27:57we're going to get a call
27:57from the dog union.
27:59Canine agent.
28:00It's fine work, bro.
28:02He's a heck of a bird.
28:07And you know what sound a pig makes?
28:09Oink, oink.
28:10Oink, oink.
28:11That's right.
28:12That's the right.
28:14See?
28:14This one's going to go far
28:16because she doesn't spell it out.
28:17She goes right with the...
28:18Pig!
28:19Can you make a pig sound, Rose?
28:21No pig sounds?
28:22Can you make a pig sound?
28:24Tess, can you make a pig sound?
28:26That's it.
28:27And a little squeal, too?
28:29Now you've got to give it a little
28:30wheeat at the end.
28:32That's it.
28:33Oh, that's a good one.
28:35Here we go!
28:37I'm going to make the sausage.
28:39I'm going to make the sausage.
28:49Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.
28:52It's going to be awful.
28:56Mmm, good cameraman.
28:58Oh, yeah, you're bad.
29:00Of course, the biggest animal
29:01on Dirty Jobs
29:02is that hot-blooded host
29:04by the name of Mike Rowe.
29:06Nasty as you want to be,
29:07Doug Glover.
29:09Oh.
29:12Shit, that might be bad.
29:16How many women out there
29:17wish they were me right now?
29:18Six.
29:19Six?
29:20Yeah, I've met most of them.
29:21Yeah?
29:22There's this old woman
29:22that works at the local liquor store
29:24who, when we found out,
29:25we did the first show.
29:26Uh-huh.
29:26It's like, you saw Mike Rowe?
29:27He's hot.
29:29Old woman at a liquor store.
29:30Right.
29:33My non-curvastio logorador
29:36sae ricchia dai potenti.
29:38Passa nella tu tassi
29:39come in antvi tranquilli.
29:41Filosofie poeti.
29:43Ora car giorni la ti fuggir.
29:45Di Dio a Dio,
29:46fidelia mica mio.
29:48Oh.
29:52That too weird?
29:55My butt look big in these.
29:56Level with me.
29:57Mmm.
29:57Good.
30:00You like it kind of cockeyed like that?
30:02It's too hot on your foot.
30:03Too hot on your foot, huh?
30:05How about now?
30:06Good.
30:07How'd my foot look good, Dave?
30:08That's really nice.
30:10Which way, Dave?
30:11You see something you like, Dave?
30:14All right, are we rolling
30:15for the love of God?
30:17And remember the day
30:18my testicle fell out.
30:19How's that, Dave?
30:20Uh, good.
30:23Okay, ready.
30:26Come on, Marlene.
30:27We've all been embarrassed
30:28on this show many times.
30:34I won't care for you.
30:36On every episode of Dirty Jobs,
30:38even fake ones like this,
30:39my goal is to leave you
30:40with an image
30:41that you've never seen before.
30:42And so now,
30:43here in Dirty Little Bits,
30:44we have a girl
30:45and some dog poop,
30:46both airborne,
30:47at the same time.
30:48It's very unusual.
30:49Charlie has sensibly
30:50left the trampoline area
30:51leaving behind
30:52some of his poo
30:53and the rest
30:54is pretty much
30:54self-explanatory.
30:56What else can I tell you?
30:58Pete German.
31:02Are you getting tights?
31:03Yeah.
31:04It's Marlene.
31:05You're getting the gold star
31:06for the day.
31:07That's awesome.
31:09The Dirty Jobs production crew
31:12consists of eight individuals.
31:14On an average shoot,
31:15the crew hauls
31:16a minimum of 27 cases
31:17of equipment,
31:18weighing a total
31:19of over 1,000 pounds.
31:27Welcome back
31:27to Dirty Little Bits.
31:28This is Act 5,
31:29in my opinion,
31:30worst act of a bad show.
31:32What you're about to see
31:33is an embarrassment,
31:34not just to me,
31:35but really to everyone
31:36behind me,
31:37everyone at the network
31:38who agreed to put it on the air,
31:40and everybody
31:40at the production company
31:41whose collective judgment
31:43has now been called seriously
31:45into real question.
31:46What you're about to see
31:48is an indication
31:49not only of questionable judgment,
31:52but of, well,
31:53just a real conspicuous
31:54lack of content.
31:55There's really nothing left
31:56but poop jokes
31:57and potty humor.
31:58Bodily functions,
31:59Dirty Little Bits,
32:01Act 5.
32:03If you've just joined us,
32:05we've been stuck here
32:06at the base of a turbine
32:08trying to get a lantern ring
32:10out of the...
32:13You know, look,
32:14I give up with the nouns.
32:15The point right now
32:16is things have become
32:17so bad and cramped
32:18and untenable
32:18that both Doug and I
32:19are on the verge
32:20of urinating in our pants.
32:22That would be
32:22a Dirty Jobs first.
32:25He's going to do what?
32:27There?
32:28He's going to pee?
32:29I believe he's going to pee.
32:30Well, it's going to come down here.
32:32Is he peeing now?
32:34Not yet.
32:36Are you watching?
32:38Well, I don't know much,
32:40but I'm pretty sure
32:42I know when to walk
32:42out of a scene.
32:44I know where to join you
32:45out of a scene.
32:46Yeah, I don't want to just
32:46sit down here
32:47until I pee my pants, John.
32:48I mean, look,
32:48give me a shred of dignity.
32:51You know?
32:51Hey, there's enough
32:52water down here
32:53and you're probably wet enough
32:53for I never know the difference.
32:55Things were going great
32:56until I peed my pants
32:57by a giant turbine
32:58with my new friend, John.
33:03Well, this is pressure.
33:06Not everybody
33:07can pee on TV.
33:10Maybe I can't either.
33:11You know, when I was
33:12a younger man,
33:13I could pee over a house.
33:15Now, stand there
33:17for minutes on end.
33:22There we go.
33:24The prostate's killing me.
33:2843 years old.
33:29I used to be able
33:29to pee over a house.
33:30Hey, Dave?
33:32Doug and I are going
33:32to our pants.
33:33You want to join us?
33:35I think he already has.
33:39Yeah, I'm still peeing.
33:43Okay.
33:45Oh, I just peed a little.
33:47Just peed a little.
33:48Stopped it just in time.
33:52What's just in time?
33:56Not a moment too late.
33:59And there could be poo in there.
34:00We just don't know.
34:01We're looking for Di.
34:03You have this poo thing.
34:05Sorry.
34:06That's what I do.
34:06Is your first name Winnie
34:07or what's the deal here?
34:08Typically, Tom,
34:09in this format,
34:10I take care of the jokes.
34:11Oh, sorry about that.
34:12It's okay.
34:16Honestly, who farted?
34:18It was you, wasn't it?
34:19Of course.
34:20You actually crapped that bad.
34:23It's just an ungodly stench in here.
34:27It's staggering.
34:29Turn the fan on.
34:30That's unbelievable, man.
34:32How can you make a smell like that and live?
34:52Good God.
34:59I'm sorry you have to hear that.
35:01My cameraman.
35:03No, no, man.
35:03These guys have farted in every state.
35:07They fart.
35:08They'll fart anywhere.
35:09At the dump?
35:10Yeah, don't fart at the dump.
35:11Don't fart at the sewer.
35:13They don't care.
35:15They'll fart at the Museum of Natural History.
35:16It doesn't matter.
35:26Excuse me.
35:27It occurs to me,
35:28as this program unfolds,
35:30that the casual viewer
35:31could form some very negative impressions
35:33of my crew,
35:35the way we talk with one another,
35:36the way we interact.
35:37It's just,
35:38what can I tell you?
35:39You know,
35:39it's the product of an extraordinary shoot schedule,
35:42a lot of pressure,
35:43and the knowledge that we have no clear idea
35:46when this crucible is going to end.
35:47But the truth is,
35:49we spend a lot of quality time together, too,
35:51having good fun.
35:51And right now they're back there
35:53playing a game of Mikeopoly.
35:54This was a game sent to me
35:57by an extraordinary Dirty Jobs fan
35:59named Chrissy Wilkerson
36:00a couple of years ago.
36:01I've been meaning to give her a shout-out
36:03because you're not going to believe
36:03the detail of Mikeopoly.
36:05That's a dirty little bit for Act 6
36:07when we come back,
36:08which I promise will happen
36:10soon.
36:12They're very excited.
36:14Coming up,
36:15working on the Dirty Jobs crew
36:17can be a real kick in the pants.
36:19I didn't say anything.
36:20I'm doing this, dude.
36:21Because he looked at me.
36:22But you said,
36:23but he said,
36:24but no,
36:24you said before,
36:25and then he said,
36:26stupid fights
36:27and idiotic moments
36:28behind the scenes.
36:30Come on, Mike,
36:30I'm going to shoot this.
36:31Do that thing with your lip,
36:32there you go.
36:32I never do.
36:33Right before you burst in the...
36:41I do, I do.
36:42Welcome back to the final act.
36:44It's Act 6
36:45and Mikeopoly.
36:46You've got to see this game.
36:48This was sent to us
36:49by Christy Wilkerson,
36:51a fan of Dirty Jobs.
36:52Basically,
36:52it's everything you know
36:53about the classic game
36:54except redone
36:55to reflect all the
36:56Dirty Jobs adventures.
36:58She did custom money.
36:59She got little pictures
37:00of me on there.
37:03Here's a snake.
37:04You know,
37:04you got all the icons
37:06except they're redone
37:07in a Dirty Jobs theme.
37:08These little outhouses
37:09that she made.
37:10It was unbelievable.
37:12And it's not just
37:13the game, of course.
37:14It's the conviviality,
37:17the familiarity,
37:18the fraternity
37:19that Christy
37:21has really tapped into.
37:23She has allowed us
37:24to love one another.
37:27That's really
37:28what Dirty Jobs fans
37:29have done.
37:29They've created
37:30new ways for us
37:31to come together
37:32and not hate each other
37:33as much as it seems
37:35like we do
37:36in the following footage.
37:38On Dirty Jobs,
37:39I hate to do
37:40the same thing twice.
37:42Redundancy.
37:43You know what?
37:43That was too long.
37:46Three, two, one.
37:49What?
37:50I didn't say anything.
37:51You're doing this, dude.
37:52Because he looked at me.
37:53Oh.
37:54You ruined his take.
37:54Because he's going to
37:55stick a mushroom
37:55in my shirt, ha ha,
37:57in the middle of the take
37:58and then I'm going to
37:58have to blow it.
37:59You're going to have to
37:59walk back.
38:00You're going to have to
38:00do it again.
38:01When you change the
38:02shot like that,
38:02can you let me know?
38:03Because I got people
38:04setting up lights
38:05for him to walk
38:06out of there?
38:06I did tell you that.
38:07Listen to me next time,
38:08okay?
38:09I did.
38:10I did.
38:10I never heard you.
38:11You never responded
38:12to me three and a half
38:13years, a freaking
38:14frack here.
38:14But he said,
38:16but no, you said
38:17before, and then he
38:18said, come on,
38:19Mike, we've got to
38:19shoot this.
38:19Do that thing with
38:20your lip, where you
38:20go.
38:21I never.
38:22Right before you
38:22burst into your
38:23there we go.
38:36What happened to
38:38him?
38:41Did he do, right?
38:43I don't know.
38:45Someone do something
38:46to him?
38:49Did someone put
38:50lotion on him or
38:51something?
38:52I wish.
38:53He's going to need
38:54some lotion.
38:55I don't know.
38:56Oh, that's
38:56for God.
38:58Sounds like a
38:59crucial bowl.
39:00Yes.
39:02Oh, Dave?
39:03He's in the
39:03emergency room.
39:05Yeah, he'll be
39:06fine.
39:06In the emergency room?
39:08Believe me, he's
39:09not using those
39:09testicles anytime
39:10soon.
39:15Is this that being
39:16touched in ways you
39:16shouldn't be touched
39:17thing?
39:17Yep.
39:18Okay.
39:20He always works
39:21it in.
39:21I'm sorry.
39:22Wow, dude, that's
39:23a big...
39:25What?
39:26Dang.
39:27Why do you
39:27always do it with
39:28the women?
39:28Why is it always
39:29every time we
39:30shoot with a
39:31girl, the
39:32microphone always
39:32falls down?
39:33There's some
39:34rustling.
39:34Let's go ahead and
39:35place this.
39:37Okay.
39:37And in the case of
39:38concrete chipping,
39:40that's only slightly
39:41worse than being
39:42buried alive.
39:44Are we okay with
39:45that?
39:45I'm okay with
39:45that.
39:46That's the best
39:46one.
39:46We'll move on.
39:47Do you want to
39:48listen?
39:49It's really subtle,
39:50but...
39:51Let me answer
39:51for you.
39:52No.
39:52No.
39:54Let me go ahead
39:54and jump in.
39:57I'm asking if
39:58it's okay.
39:58And I'm saying
39:58no once again.
40:00It's not okay.
40:01No, I know.
40:02Your first thing is
40:03if I want to listen.
40:04I'm asking if it's
40:05okay.
40:06No, you asked if I
40:06wanted to listen.
40:07Okay.
40:08Now I'm asking if
40:09it's okay.
40:10It's fine.
40:11That's all I want
40:11to know.
40:12Well, no, you
40:13wanted to know if
40:14I wanted to listen.
40:15Right.
40:17Greg, explain to
40:20the camera what
40:20just happened.
40:21I couldn't be
40:22going to tell you
40:22what just happened.
40:23I don't know.
40:24Well, that's it.
40:26Show's over.
40:27The story's not
40:28quite over.
40:29Stories like this
40:29never really end
40:30or begin.
40:32That's stupid.
40:32Three, two, one.
40:33Stories like these
40:34never really end.
40:35As you can see,
40:36we did make it
40:37out of the monks
40:38eat.
40:46That's it.
40:47Show's over.
40:48Story's not
40:49quite done.
40:49Stories like this
40:50never really end
40:52at all.
40:53Three, two, one.
40:55Three, two, one.
40:56Focus, Mike.
40:57Come on.
40:57Come on.
40:59Months of training.
41:00Make it pay.
41:01Make it pay.
41:02There you go.
41:02There's comedy
41:03right there.
41:03Did you see the
41:04comedy?
41:05There's a version
41:08of comedy we do
41:08that doesn't have
41:09any humor in it.
41:10But it was still
41:12there.
41:12Is she really
41:13too young
41:13to know where
41:14the blue dot is?
41:14I don't know.
41:17Oh, look at that.
41:19Marlene evening
41:20the score.
41:22So much love
41:23around Mike
41:24Copley right now.
41:25I can't think
41:25of a more fitting
41:26way to end
41:26an otherwise
41:27embarrassing career
41:28ending program.
41:29The funny thing
41:30about this little
41:30show is that we
41:31were worried to
41:32death that we
41:32weren't going
41:33to be able to
41:34find an hour's
41:35worth of mistakes
41:36to fill up a show
41:37called Dirty
41:37Little Bits.
41:38And as we started
41:38to look, what we
41:39found was
41:40two, three,
41:41four, five
41:41hours, ten,
41:42maybe twenty.
41:44Our mistakes,
41:45they define us,
41:46at least on this
41:47show anyway.
41:48Maybe for you
41:48as well.
41:49I don't know.
41:49This was fun.
41:51Hopefully we
41:51didn't destroy
41:52anybody's career
41:52in the process
41:53and you had a
41:53few laughs.
41:54I apologize
41:54for anything
41:55that you saw
41:55that was off-putting,
41:57untoward,
41:57or otherwise
41:57unfortunate.
41:59There's more
42:00coming.
42:03Do we have
42:03an out for this
42:04show or yet
42:05another?
42:05We have several
42:06outs.
42:07although this
42:07one works
42:08pretty well
42:08too.
42:13Can we finish?
42:15Please get
42:15this show
42:16over with.
42:16You want to get
42:17it over with?
42:17Who's winning
42:18the game?
42:19Do we have a
42:19winner?
42:20I just want to be
42:20done.
42:21Hey, I got an
42:22idea.
42:23We're finished.
42:25All right,
42:25next.
42:26Oh, somebody
42:27saved the money.
42:29All the money
42:29got blown away.
42:31It's the saddest
42:32thing I've ever
42:32seen.
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