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00:27Some girls know
00:28all the lyrics to each other's songs.
00:35They find harmonies in their laughter.
00:42Their linked elbows echo in tune.
00:48What if I can't hum on key?
00:51What if my melodies are the ones nobody hears?
01:00We're really freaking high.
01:02Don't think about it.
01:03Just remember you gotta go slow if you wanna climb fast.
01:17So what happened out there in the hallway?
01:20I don't know.
01:22Tired, I guess.
01:23Tired?
01:26Tired of what?
01:27Just tired.
01:29Well, it seems like you were angry at this school about Hannah.
01:36Aren't you?
01:37Sure.
01:39Angry about another needless death.
01:42I'm sad for Hannah and for all of us who cared about her.
01:51So are you gonna punish me or what?
01:53Is that what you want me to do?
01:56Do you get a lot of kids coming in here asking for punishment?
01:59Hmm.
02:01What do you think your punishment should be?
02:04Isn't that your job?
02:06I mean, it's not like you're trained to be a shrink or anything, right?
02:09No.
02:11But I like to think I can be helpful to kids who are hurting,
02:15who are not in touch with what they're feeling,
02:17who are lonely.
02:18I'm not lonely.
02:19Who may try to hurt themselves.
02:20I'm not gonna hurt myself.
02:21We're trying to find their way out of every tough time.
02:23You don't know what you're talking about.
02:23Hey, screw you!
02:28Okay.
02:29I'm sorry.
02:30No.
02:30No, that's okay.
02:32You're hurting.
02:34And I wanna help.
02:36I wanna be there for you, Clay.
02:39I'm not gonna say I understand just what you're going through,
02:41but if you talk to me,
02:44I'll try.
02:48Everybody wants to talk.
02:52No one wants to do anything.
02:56What is it that you wanna do?
03:04I should get to class.
03:10It all started because I was feeling lost.
03:14I need a direction.
03:18Any direction.
03:29You have gotta be kidding me.
03:31Get in the car.
03:32I have something I have to show you.
03:35Tell me how you know what you know.
03:37Tell me what I did to Hannah.
03:42See you, Tony.
03:46Actually, I hope I don't.
03:48Ever.
03:53Clay, get in the car.
03:55No.
03:56What are you gonna do?
03:57You have no bike, buddy.
03:59Why can't you leave me alone?
04:02Release the tapes.
04:03Do whatever you have to do.
04:05Just let me be.
04:07I won't release them.
04:08If.
04:09If you get in the car and come with me.
04:20And sometimes you take whatever way out you can find.
04:24All right.
04:24Just drive.
04:26Where are we going?
04:27Well, you'll see what we did.
04:28Yeah.
04:29He's out of his fucking mind.
04:31We played by Hannah's rules.
04:33Okay.
04:34It's not fair if the tapes get out there because Clay went postal.
04:36He's not gonna go public.
04:38It feels like he might.
04:39Clay is just sad.
04:40Okay?
04:41Let him be.
04:42Are you getting your stomach things again, Alex?
04:44Come sit down a minute.
04:45What stomach things?
04:47He loved her.
04:48And she died.
04:49Okay?
04:49He's going crazy.
04:50Just give him a second.
04:52He's not sad.
04:53Okay?
04:54He's getting revenge.
04:54Okay, it's not like we don't deserve it.
04:57Alex, come sit down.
05:00Dude, you're late.
05:02I talked to Tony.
05:03He says he'll take care of it.
05:05What does that even mean, exactly?
05:06Tony's a dick.
05:07He's not a dick.
05:09He's a dick, he's a prick, and he's a cock.
05:12Okay, those are the same things.
05:13No, they're- they're nuances of meaning.
05:16Right.
05:17Yeah.
05:18Look, Tony's not gonna do shit.
05:20We have to take care of this.
05:22And that little bastard once and for all.
05:25That's insane.
05:27I don't know.
05:31What if we make it look like a-
05:33a suicide?
05:35Justin.
05:35How tragic is that?
05:36I mean, two star-crossed lovers or some shit like that?
05:39Grow up, Justin.
05:41Are you really telling me to grow up?
05:43Little mama's boy?
05:46Yeah.
05:46I am.
05:50Dude, go see a fucking doctor.
05:52I've seen like a dozen doctors, dude.
05:57One thing.
05:59If one thing had gone differently somewhere along the line,
06:03maybe none of this would've happened.
06:17Dream big, they say.
06:20Shoot for the stars.
06:21Then they lock us away for 12 years and tell us where to sit,
06:24when to pee, and what to think.
06:27Uh, is it enough to get rex from the principal and vice principal?
06:31Um, should I go to the superintendent?
06:32Our school doesn't weigh our GPA, so I only have a 4.0.
06:36Will this be at us advantage?
06:38Yo, you only have to maintain a C-minus average to play.
06:42Look at the tits on this cheerleader.
06:44Oh, damn.
06:47Then we turn 18.
06:48And even though we've never had an original thought,
06:50we have to make the most important decision of our lives.
06:56Ready to begin your future?
06:58Don't think I have much of a choice in that one, really.
07:00How's your financial aid?
07:02How's your GPA?
07:04Could be better.
07:06PSAT? ACT?
07:08Uh, I haven't...
07:09You haven't...
07:10Taken your PSAT yet?
07:12No.
07:13Interesting.
07:14Well, I can tell you that our financial aid tends to go to students at the top of their class,
07:19with SATs above the 90th percentile.
07:21Great, yeah. Thanks.
07:23Of course.
07:25And if you don't have the money, and you don't really have the grades, a lot of the decision gets
07:29made for you.
07:42What future are you peddling?
07:45I'll let you take the first guess.
07:48Porter?
07:49Close.
07:51Librarian.
07:53No way you're a librarian.
07:55I know.
07:56When people hear the term librarian, they think 60-year-old white-haired woman with cankles.
08:01We are rebranding.
08:04No offense, but isn't it like a dying industry?
08:07You know, like travel agencies and cupcake stores.
08:11Let me guess. You own a Kindle.
08:14Not in a million years.
08:16No, I'm a paperback, right in the margins kind of girl.
08:21A kindred spirit.
08:26So, uh, other than the Dewey Decimal System, what else has the library got going on?
08:31Well, I like to think we are in a place where people can come together.
08:35Find their tribe.
08:37Do you write?
08:39You look like you write.
08:41I don't.
08:43I do, but, you know, I don't show anybody, ever.
08:48We got a safe space.
08:51We keep secrets.
08:53And we have an all-you-can-eat cookie platter.
08:59Well, thanks.
09:01Yeah, I probably won't see you there, but thanks.
09:04Sure thing.
09:06Just take a brochure. They have scholarships.
09:08I don't need a brochure, I don't need your scholarship, and I don't need four years of wasted time.
09:13I have skills.
09:14And a sweet Mustang.
09:18So, are you kidnapping me?
09:21Did you kidnap Courtney?
09:24I had a purpose.
09:27So do I.
09:34Alex?
09:35Are you okay?
09:37Yeah.
09:38Yeah.
09:38Don't worry about it.
09:41It's all this shit with the tapes, isn't it?
09:43If all that just went away, you'd be fine.
09:46Yeah, but how does all that just go away?
09:48What the hell, Jess? You coming or not?
09:50In a minute.
09:51I'm talking to Alex.
09:53Oh, about what?
09:54About how much she misses me.
09:56About how much better of a boyfriend I am than you.
09:58How she wishes she never broke up with me.
10:00How you smell better.
10:01Alex, come on.
10:02Fuck you, Alex.
10:03What?
10:03It's totally true.
10:04She was like, Justin smells bad.
10:05And I was like, I know.
10:06I did not say that.
10:07You're a funny guy, Standle.
10:08No, you're funny, Justin.
10:10What the, let's end the little bastard?
10:11What is that about?
10:12It's about protecting ourselves.
10:14From what?
10:15From Hannah's lies.
10:16But did she lie?
10:17Cause I'm really not sure.
10:20Cause she told the truth about me.
10:27You know he's full of shit, right?
10:29He's a fucking liar.
10:30He's not a liar.
10:32He can be a pain in the ass, but he's a good person.
10:36He's never lied to me.
10:38Well, good for him.
10:42I wanted a purpose.
10:45A reason for being on this planet.
10:48But that poetry group looked like an AA meeting.
10:51Or a support group.
10:54I saw no one within decades of my age.
11:00Until I saw you.
11:02You were the only other high school kid in the room.
11:05Ryan Shaver.
11:07Liberty High's resident intellectual.
11:09Editor of Lost and Found.
11:11General, selfish, snob.
11:17Welcome back, everybody.
11:20Good to see our group growing a bit.
11:22Now, as usual, we begin by reminding everyone, poetry is about honest expression.
11:29And we all need to feel safe to share our deepest truths.
11:33Nice to see a friendly face.
11:35Friendly?
11:37Familiar.
11:37The sign-up sheet is making its way around.
11:41Well, don't get used to it.
11:43I think it's going to be my first and last time if you're going to be here.
11:46What? Why?
11:47Please only sign up for slots you'll actually use.
11:51You put me in your little zine?
11:54Remember?
11:55Best ass?
11:56Okay, that list was already going around.
11:58Everyone was talking about it.
12:01It was news.
12:01It was wrong.
12:03Now then, before we begin, Hannah, would you like to introduce yourself?
12:11Hi, I'm Hannah.
12:13Hi, Hannah.
12:14I don't know a lot about poetry, but I'm very happy to be here.
12:19We're very happy to have you here.
12:22Let's begin.
12:23I believe Linda is first on the sign-up list.
12:36Oh, a woman scorned, Mother Earth.
12:42Oh, all may fear your wrath.
12:47Majesty of Mother Earth.
12:50Is this like your idea of some twisted version of wilderness therapy?
12:56You're not a nature lover?
12:58I love nature, especially in pictures and books.
13:02What's with the rope?
13:04No, seriously, this is getting messed up.
13:10So what, are you going to tie me up to a tree and force me to listen to the rest
13:13of the tapes?
13:14No, we're just going for a little walk.
13:18How little is little?
13:22Just at that hill.
13:29No freaking way.
13:31What the hell does this have to do with Hannah?
13:34Don't you want to find out?
13:41Oh, tall mountains and Mother Earth and all this other hooey.
13:46I don't think I'm going back.
13:48Well, I think it's fine if you don't want to, but maybe you should give it a chance.
13:54I mean, you said that you thought about a career as a writer.
13:57Yeah, but no one has a career as a poet.
13:59Damn it.
14:01You've got to remind me to tell your father to call the alarm company.
14:03I think this thing's broken.
14:05Let me try.
14:07Let me finish the deposit.
14:08Well, how about, uh, what about a poetry teacher?
14:12Who would want to be a teacher? Kids are assholes.
14:15Not all of them.
14:17Okay, what about a journalist then?
14:19Do those still exist?
14:20Don't tell Dad this is broken.
14:23You're a parent.
14:24You're supposed to say things like,
14:27be practical, be a...
14:29pharmacist.
14:30I will never say that to you.
14:34You know, before we opened the store, your father,
14:37he used to travel all the time for these snooze-fest pharmaceutical conventions,
14:43so I would write him love stories.
14:47Mm-hmm.
14:48They were very, very dramatic.
14:53And sexy.
14:54Fifty shades of my mother.
14:57I thought they were pretty good.
14:59You know?
15:01Yeah, I don't know.
15:02I might have some of them.
15:03You know what?
15:03Oh, God. Mom, please, no.
15:05Okay, okay, okay.
15:07I'm just saying,
15:09allow yourself to dream a little.
15:13I mean, hell, dream big
15:15about all the things that...
15:19you could be.
15:22Don't settle.
15:25Hm?
15:30We're closed.
15:31Go away.
15:31Hannah!
15:33He's not a customer.
15:35Oh!
15:36Oh, I see.
15:39Well, I'm gonna go get my coat.
15:42Um...
15:43It's in the back, so...
15:47What do you want, Ryan?
15:49We're legitimately closed.
15:51I have something for you.
15:53A peace offering.
16:00Take it.
16:01Your thoughts deserve a decent place to live.
16:05Come on.
16:06I know you're a journal girl.
16:12Wow.
16:14You do a...
16:15really convincing imitation of a thinking-feeling human.
16:22Hannah...
16:24I'm sorry.
16:26I didn't mean to make you feel embarrassed or humiliated.
16:30I know what that's like.
16:32You do.
16:34I'm a skinny faggot who writes poems.
16:37I mean, please.
16:38I don't think you're supposed to use that word.
16:42You're not.
16:43I'm allowed.
16:46Come back to the library, Hannah.
16:49Come back to the poetry.
16:52Maybe.
16:55I'll take maybe.
16:59Thanks.
17:00For the journal.
17:17Honey?
17:19Honey?
17:21You okay?
17:27I was just thinking it's a bad sign that we're...
17:31running out of buy-one-get-one-free stickers.
17:35We can look at it as a bad sign, or we can consider it the world telling us we can
17:39never discount our way to Walplex prices.
17:47I've got more stickers back here somewhere.
17:59Oh, Olivia.
18:02Olivia.
18:05I'm so sorry I didn't come in sooner.
18:08How are you holding up?
18:11Um, we're managing.
18:15You look great.
18:20Olivia, Hannah was such a special girl.
18:24Zach said so many nice things about her.
18:28How is Zach?
18:30Well, he's just great.
18:34Every college is looking at him for basketball, but he wants to be a marine biologist.
18:40Can you believe it? A marine biologist.
18:45A marine biologist.
18:49I wonder if you've been thinking about your future.
18:52You know, your grades have been slipping a bit.
18:56You started out the school year really strong, but your grades have steadily dropped.
19:03Well, I really focus on ending the school year strong.
19:07If you have your eyes on a good four-year college.
19:10Yeah, I've been thinking about NYU or Columbia.
19:13Wow, those are some highly competitive schools.
19:16So, either you're gonna have to make some changes next year, or maybe things smaller.
19:21Maybe like a state school.
19:26You never met with Hannah?
19:30Uh, once in the spring of a sophomore year last year.
19:36We start these sophomores thinking of college.
19:40And do you recall what she was thinking of college?
19:44I think if memory serves, she has some unrealistic goals.
19:48And, uh, I tried to help her find some options.
19:52Did you have a sense of how she felt about your interaction?
19:58She didn't say.
19:59But did you have a sense?
20:02Ms. Jensen?
20:03Lainey.
20:03Lainey.
20:04I know this is not the subject of our meeting, but do you know where your son is right now?
20:14I assume he's in class.
20:16He isn't.
20:17He walked out of school this morning and he hasn't come back.
20:21I may be crazy, but I'm not that crazy.
20:24People free solo it all the time.
20:26People who climb things, people who climb rocks, which is a ridiculous thing to do if you aren't being chased
20:31by something.
20:32It's for beginners.
20:33I used to climb with my brothers when we were kids.
20:36Here.
20:38Take this, clip it on.
20:40It's chalk.
20:41Put it on your hands, like this.
20:44Or you'll slip.
20:47What?
20:48Come on.
20:49Are you a man or not?
20:50Not.
20:51Most, most definitely not.
20:53I grant you that, no question.
20:56I, uh, don't like heights.
21:01It's an easy climb.
21:03All the answers you seek are at the top of the cliff.
21:13The drag of your hand across my chest sparks a blaze my lips cannot extinguish.
21:19You, stubborn inferno.
21:22You drive fast and damn the red lights for slowing you down.
21:26You see my veins shake at your first touch.
21:30The power to move my blood on your own accord.
21:34The definition of heart.
21:37And after the stick shift jerk, I beg my skin to do tricks.
21:41Like, forget how good it feels to lose control between the burning house of your hands.
21:50The체.
21:54The체.
21:57The체.
22:06That was intense.
22:10Um, thank you?
22:12Yes, thank you.
22:14I want to write like you.
22:17Seriously, can you teach me?
22:19Really?
22:20You make people feel the things you're feeling.
22:23I want to be able to do that.
22:25A couple of hours, a couple of nights a week.
22:28Chips and salsa on me.
22:32Steffi Moore is mean.
22:34She sick.
22:36She so stupid.
22:38Wait, third grade.
22:40I was in third grade.
22:42I don't get what my grade school diaries have to do with anything.
22:46Well, first, there's a whole bunch of gifted child drama I won't even begin to get into.
22:51But the main thing is, you have to tell the truth in poetry.
22:54Your truth.
22:56But...
22:56No buts.
22:57Ex nihilo nihil fete.
23:00Out of nothing comes nothing.
23:04I just don't like it when people read my...
23:07things.
23:08Every poem you write should be like someone reading your things.
23:11It should be terrifying and incredibly embarrassing.
23:17How does Amber Holloway have boobs already?
23:20You're an asshole!
23:22Yes!
23:23Yes!
23:24Be terrified!
23:28Good.
23:30It's good.
23:30Now try and slow your breath down.
23:33How do I do that?
23:34By breathing slow.
23:36And what do I do about my heart which is about to explode out of my chest?
23:43You brought your phone on a climb.
23:45No, I brought my phone on a walk.
23:47And that's my mom's ring.
23:50Be a good son?
23:52Or plunge to the rocks below?
23:54Yeah.
23:55Thanks for the perspective.
23:57It must be possible to swim in the ocean of the one you love without drowning.
24:02It must be possible to swim without becoming water yourself.
24:07I keep finding stones tied to my feet.
24:10It's alright.
24:11Just keep going.
24:12Keep going.
24:17Jess, I can't right now.
24:21No, no, it's okay.
24:23Maybe if I just help a little?
24:25Jess, come on.
24:26I just...
24:26I'm sorry.
24:29Maybe later.
24:29I just don't want to right now.
24:37I don't do it for you anymore.
24:39That's not it.
24:40It has to be.
24:43You don't think I'm pretty anymore.
24:46Jess.
24:48God, no, Jess.
24:50You're so beautiful.
24:53What's happening to us?
24:57It'll all be fine, okay?
25:00These stupid fucking tapes are done.
25:06Can we at least get high?
25:11See, you don't even smoke.
25:12Yeah, I do.
25:17Okay.
25:18We're really freaking high.
25:20Don't think about it.
25:21Chalk your hands if they're sweaty.
25:24I can't really feel my arms.
25:26You gotta shake them out.
25:27One at a time.
25:28Get the blood moving, alright?
25:31Oh, good.
25:32Good.
25:33We're getting closer.
25:35Just remember, you gotta go slow
25:36if you want to climb fast.
25:39Alright.
25:45Oh, shit!
25:46Oh, shit!
25:48Oh, shit!
25:49Oh, what?
25:50What?
25:50I can't see.
25:51I lost a handhold.
25:52Give me a sec.
25:53I gotta figure this out.
25:57Clay!
25:58Clay, are you here?
25:59Laney?
26:01He's not here.
26:03He isn't here.
26:04Okay, okay, calm down.
26:05What's going on?
26:06I left you a very detailed message.
26:08The department secretary is 90.
26:09He walked out of school
26:10middle of the morning and disappeared.
26:12I'm sure he didn't disappear.
26:13He is not answering his cell, Matt.
26:15So he skipped school
26:16to play basketball
26:17or go for a ride.
26:18He's missing, Matt.
26:19He's playing hooky.
26:21He's not missing.
26:22Dammit, if you minimize this,
26:23I will lose him.
26:24Hey, hey, hey.
26:24Okay, okay.
26:25We'll find him.
26:27He can't have gone far.
26:35Alright, I'm gonna throw this.
26:36You grab it.
26:37Pull yourself up.
26:39Tony, I can't.
26:41Of course you can.
26:42One foot at a time.
26:43Come on.
26:50All right, you got it.
26:53There you go.
26:55There you go.
27:00Oh, there you go.
27:01Oh, shit.
27:03Oh, man.
27:04That was freaking amazing.
27:08Was it or was it fucking amazing?
27:11That was fucking amazing.
27:14It's like, I thought I was gonna die.
27:17Well, you did.
27:17Did you?
27:19Fuck.
27:23Fuck!
27:26Fuck!
27:29Yeah.
27:30Oh.
27:31I saw this YouTube video once
27:32where this guy in Spain
27:33was walking on this crane.
27:35He had to be at least 15 stories.
27:37He's walking, walking, walking,
27:39and then he slips.
27:40And that's not this loud scream.
27:42Seconds later, it's wham!
27:44Wham what?
27:46Well, the camera went black,
27:48but I'm pretty sure he died.
27:49Shit, Clay.
27:52Fuck.
27:56I never totally realized
27:58that's a really great word.
28:00It is, huh?
28:01Yeah.
28:02Uh, you're bleeding.
28:08Fuck.
28:08Wow, this is scary.
28:16Today, I am wearing
28:17lacy black underwear
28:19for the sole purpose
28:20of knowing I am wearing them.
28:24And underneath that,
28:27I am absolutely naked.
28:32And I've got skin.
28:35Miles and miles of skin.
28:39I've got skin to cover all my thoughts,
28:41like saran wrap
28:42that you can see through
28:43to what leftovers are inside
28:44from the night before.
28:47And despite what you might think,
28:50my skin is soft
28:52and smooth
28:54and easily scarred.
28:58But that doesn't matter, right?
29:01You don't care about how soft my skin is.
29:04You just want to hear about
29:06what my fingers do in the dark.
29:09But what if all they do
29:11is crack open windows
29:12so I can see lightning through the clouds?
29:16What if all they crave
29:17is a jungle gym to climb
29:19for a taste of fresher air?
29:23Look, you promised me
29:25the secrets are at the top of this rock.
29:27I risked my life to get here.
29:28You wouldn't have died.
29:30You'd break a bunch of shit.
29:41I've never thought about it.
29:45Dying.
29:47Until this year.
29:54Have you ever seen a dead body?
30:00I've been to a few funerals.
30:04Have you ever seen a crime scene?
30:09Well, like...
30:11CSI and Law and Order and all that.
30:12Oh, no.
30:13Like, uh...
30:15a real one.
30:19Have you?
30:21Yeah.
30:22Once.
30:27What was that like?
30:30Quiet.
30:34Not silent or anything.
30:36Just...
30:37no excitement.
30:39No...
30:40big noise.
30:42Just cops walking around
30:43doing their jobs.
30:46Like it was nothing.
30:50How old were you?
30:5217.
30:57What was the crime?
31:02Suicide.
31:12You were there.
31:17You saw her.
31:22You should publish this.
31:24Oh, no.
31:24No way.
31:26This does not leave the safe space.
31:27No, people need to see this.
31:28It will change them.
31:30No, they don't.
31:33The whole point of creative expression
31:35is to hold up a mirror to the world
31:37so hopefully these god-awful people
31:39can start to see themselves
31:41and make connections
31:42to help them get through
31:43their dreary-ass lives.
31:46Your pain?
31:48Your pain is important
31:50to other people.
31:56But is that why
31:57you really did it?
32:02So you could help me touch
32:03just one person?
32:06I doubt it.
32:08People like you
32:09don't make selfless moves.
32:11Oh my god, dude.
32:12Like, this shit is crazy.
32:16Today I am wearing
32:17lacy black underwear
32:19with the sole purpose
32:20of knowing I'm wearing it.
32:22I wonder who's the skank
32:23who wrote this.
32:24I don't even know
32:25what this means, though.
32:26It's a bitch
32:27who's been burned.
32:28I know that.
32:28You knew the shit
32:29I shared was personal.
32:31You knew where it came from
32:33and you knew
32:33it would get people talking.
32:36I realize now
32:37I was desperate
32:38for someone to listen.
32:40And you listened.
32:43And then you turned around
32:44and made my most private thoughts
32:46a public spectacle.
32:54It's her writing.
32:55I can totally recognize it.
32:57Why would she write
32:58something like this?
32:59It's so humiliating.
33:02It has been brought
33:03to my attention
33:04that Ryan's publication
33:06now includes poetry.
33:08And since we're doing
33:08sonnets this semester
33:10and since you're all
33:11going to be distracted
33:12by it for the rest
33:12of the day anyway,
33:13I thought we would take
33:14a minute to parse
33:15the work of this
33:16anonymous poet.
33:20There's a sort of
33:20naked vulnerability
33:21to it that I like.
33:23It's quite intimate.
33:25Intimate is not
33:26a dirty word.
33:29Today I am wearing
33:31lacy black underwear
33:33for the sole purpose
33:34of knowing I am wearing
33:35So you bare your heart
33:36to one person
33:37and underneath that
33:37and everybody ends up laughing.
33:39I am absolutely naked.
33:40I've got skin.
33:42Miles and miles of skin.
33:45I've got skin
33:46to cover all my thoughts
33:47like saran wrap.
33:49And I can see her
33:50through the window.
33:53She walks up to the door.
33:54She leaves this box
33:56and goes.
33:59I didn't get up.
34:02I figured if it was important
34:04she would have knocked.
34:06Rang the doorbell
34:07or something, right?
34:10And I...
34:14I should have gone out there.
34:17I should have talked to her.
34:20But...
34:23Look, I liked Hannah.
34:26She was a friend.
34:27But the girl was a lot.
34:28She was drama.
34:31And I was apparently
34:32the only guy at Liberty
34:34who didn't grab her ass
34:36or stare at her tits.
34:38And so I always got
34:39to hear about it.
34:40And on that particular day
34:42I didn't want to deal
34:42so I let her walk away.
34:47Jesus, Tony.
34:51Half hour.
34:5345 minutes later
34:54I get the box.
34:56I open them
34:57and there's these tapes
34:58and a letter.
35:00I said,
35:02please take care of these.
35:03Listen
35:04and you'll know how.
35:08I started listening
35:09to the first tape.
35:10And then
35:14I tried calling the bakers
35:15and they don't answer.
35:16I fucking speed over
35:17to her house
35:20and the ambulance
35:21is already there.
35:23And the cops.
35:25And the front door's open.
35:27I run inside.
35:30Her parents are there.
35:34And she's...
35:36They got her in a body bag.
35:40I remember thinking
35:41there's no fucking handles
35:42on that bag.
35:43How are they gonna
35:44pick her up?
35:45How are they gonna carry her?
35:48And they just grabbed the bag
35:50and threw her
35:52in the ambulance.
35:55Just like that.
36:21Do the other kids know?
36:25Why you're taking care
36:27of Hannah
36:27like you are?
36:30Of course not.
36:33You needed to know.
36:38You're my friend.
36:47What the hell, Ryan?
36:48Hannah.
36:50What's the secret
36:50you couldn't speak
36:51to me at school?
36:52You know damn well.
36:53How could you do that
36:54to me?
36:54The poem?
36:56I did you a favor,
36:57Hannah.
36:57You're a beautiful poet.
36:59Your work deserved
37:00to be heard.
37:01You're a self-serving,
37:03egotistical fuckwad.
37:05One day
37:07you will look back
37:08on this
37:08and you will know
37:08that I was right.
37:10What you wrote?
37:12I mean you can't teach that.
37:13You have to live it.
37:14Well it's my life, Ryan.
37:15It's not yours.
37:17Get your own.
37:21There was a path
37:22the whole time.
37:24We could have just
37:25walked up there?
37:26Yes.
37:28What's the fun in that?
37:30Everything you told me
37:31you could have told me
37:31anywhere.
37:32in Monet's
37:33the other night.
37:34Would you have been
37:35ready to hear it?
37:37Yeah.
37:41No.
37:41I don't know.
37:46I wish I had known though
37:49about why you cared
37:50so much about Hannah.
37:53I kept trying
37:54to figure it out.
37:58I thought maybe
38:01I thought maybe
38:02you were in love
38:03with her.
38:06Clay,
38:07you know I'm gay, right?
38:13What?
38:17No, I didn't know that.
38:19How was I supposed
38:19to know that?
38:21I thought everyone knew it.
38:25I don't think
38:25everyone knows that.
38:26I think a lot of people
38:27know it.
38:30Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
38:32Did you think
38:33that I was like
38:34just friends
38:35with Ryan?
38:38Well, yeah,
38:38I guess so.
38:42You think
38:43I would be friends
38:44with a guy
38:45like Ryan?
38:47Well, I mean,
38:48yeah, I would think
38:49you would be
38:49because apparently
38:49you went out with him.
38:50They're different things.
38:52Trust me.
38:57So that guy Brad,
38:59is he your boyfriend now?
39:01I hope he's still
39:02my boyfriend.
39:03He's been pretty
39:04annoyed lately
39:05because
39:07I've been spending
39:08all my time
39:08with another guy.
39:12You.
39:15Oh, right.
39:19You mean with the tapes
39:20and all,
39:20not in a romantic way.
39:24Sure.
39:30Alex Standall?
39:31S-T-A-N-D-A-L-L?
39:35Yes.
39:36It's filled.
39:37Ready to go.
39:38Okay, so
39:39with this,
39:40you want to take one
39:41every night before bed
39:42with water,
39:43with or without food.
39:44This one can make you
39:45a bit dizzy,
39:45so I've been taking it
39:46for a while now.
39:48Oh.
39:49And we have this as new?
39:50Yeah, I used to go
39:51to the Walplex.
39:54I could have them
39:55send you history over
39:56if you'd like.
39:57Yeah, that'd be great.
40:08There you go.
40:09Thanks.
40:15I was friends with Hannah.
40:21You were?
40:23Yeah.
40:24I'm really sorry
40:25about what happened.
40:30Thank you, Alex.
41:07Apparently your mom called my dad.
41:11Jesus, my mom.
41:13I'll text her.
41:14We do not need that particular hysterical phone call at this moment.
41:18Well, maybe if you didn't keep all those secrets from her, you know?
41:20Oh, fuck you with your secrets.
41:26Can I, uh...
41:29Can I get those tapes back sometime?
41:38Sure thing.
41:48So what, was this your plan the whole time?
41:51Maybe I helped it along, but I knew sooner or later you'd want the tapes back.
41:56You knew?
41:57Yeah.
41:59You haven't heard yours yet.
42:12It's delicious, Bible.
42:14And then another bite.
42:22This was a good idea.
42:31Oh.
42:34Honey, you can't do that.
42:36I'm so sorry.
42:38Oh, no.
42:38It was totally fine.
42:39No, he was due for a new hairstyle anyway.
42:43What's your name?
42:45It's okay, sweetie.
42:46You can tell her.
42:48Sarah.
42:48Sarah.
42:50You're very cute, Sarah.
42:52Say thank you, Sarah.
42:54No.
42:56Sarah, that's not nice.
42:58Oh, please, don't worry about it.
42:59I have a daughter, too.
43:01No wonder you're such a pro.
43:03How old is she?
43:05Seventeen.
43:06Seventeen.
43:07Yeah, it flies by.
43:09Before you know it, she'll be applying for colleges.
43:14Hannah's already looking.
43:17Hannah's such a pretty name.
43:20She wants to go to New York.
43:23Good luck.
43:25Let's go back to dinner.
43:28It's a horrible story, Matt.
43:30She was a beautiful, sweet girl, and she's gone.
43:36Of course, we're supposed to tear her apart.
43:40Go after her reputation, her boyfriends, anything she's ever written or said.
43:45So don't do it.
43:47Don't go after her.
43:49You always said that's why you did law.
43:51If it didn't always serve justice, it could serve the truth.
43:55Right?
43:56So find out the truth.
44:00What if it hurts our son?
44:03I believe he'll survive.
44:08The traveler returns.
44:12You think that Tony's a good influence?
44:16My sense of him is that he's a very good influence.
44:19But that's not our concern at the moment, right?
44:21No.
44:22I know.
44:23I am on board.
44:39I'm sorry.
44:46Tony and I had to talk, and we lost track of time, and I know this was really not like
44:52me.
44:53Believe me, believe me, and I'm sorry.
45:01Oh, God, I must be in huge trouble.
45:04No, but next time, a text would be appreciated before you go, and not on the way home.
45:10No, right, of course.
45:13I couldn't reach my phone for a while.
45:15But yes, and you can ground me for a month.
45:18No groundings.
45:21We're just glad you're alive.
45:26Me too, Dad.
45:47You didn't say much on the way home?
45:52I wasn't sure what to say.
45:55I didn't lie to that woman.
45:59And I'm still a mother, and to not be the mother of a dead girl for a few minutes.
46:06Should we move?
46:08What?
46:09Should we move?
46:10Should we go somewhere and start new?
46:15And give up the store?
46:17I give up the store.
46:18I give up the house.
46:20Everything.
46:22If I have you.
46:25But you do.
46:27You do have me.
46:30Okay.
46:32Good.
46:46I thought you had poetry workshop tonight.
46:49You can go.
46:51You're never going back.
46:53And we need to move.
46:57$430 a month, and that's before the false alarms, which they charge you for, even though
47:01it's their fault.
47:02But you should have told me that you canceled.
47:04I was on hold with them for an hour.
47:05You know that we need to cut expenses.
47:07We shouldn't have discussed it first.
47:08We live in the safest town in America.
47:10That is not the point.
47:12Honey, honey, I'm just trying to make ends meet here.
47:14And I'm not.
47:15We're either in this together or we are not.
47:18And we can't be penny wise and pound foolish.
47:20Well, right now we can't afford to be penny foolish.
47:23Okay.
47:23I don't even know what that means.
47:25I don't, honestly.
47:26It means that we're wasting money on things that we don't even need.
47:27Sometimes the future doesn't unfold the way you think it will.
47:31Shit happens, and people suck.
47:36Maybe that's why I stopped writing and eventually started making tapes.
47:52Some girls know all the lyrics to each other's songs.
47:55They find harmonies in their laughter.
47:59Their linked elbows echo in tune.
48:03What if I can't hum on key?
48:05What if my melodies are the ones nobody hears?
48:08Is everyone reading that stupid magazine?
48:11I'm kind of addicted to it.
48:13You've never read it?
48:15No.
48:16Listen to this.
48:18Some people can recognize a tree, a front yard, and know they've made it home.
48:23That sounds like shit.
48:24You think so?
48:26I think it feels really real.
48:30How many circles can I walk in before I give up looking?
48:34How long before I'm lost for good?
48:37It must be possible to swim in the ocean of the one you love without drowning.
48:42It must be possible to swim without becoming water yourself.
48:46But I keep swallowing what I thought was air.
48:49I keep finding stones tied to my feet.
48:53I mean, damn.
48:57I wonder who wrote it.
48:59I know, right?
49:00One dark human being, that's for sure.
49:04I mean, I like her poem, I think, but I'm not sure I'd want to hang out with her.
49:12Well, duty calls.
49:15Let's go.
49:45Let's go.
50:19Let's go.
50:20I'm sorry to bother you at work.
50:22I wanted to give you something.
50:30It's from Hannah.
50:32Well, it's not Hannah's, but there's a poem that she wrote.
50:40It's really good.
50:41I mean, even our English teacher said so.
50:47Page seven.
51:09That's her handwriting.
51:11Yeah.
51:16I know that now.
51:22Okay.
51:29I'm sorry to bother you.
51:29I'm sorry.
51:49I don't know.
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